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They were eating a post-game dinner with Kuroo and Kenma when the thought crept into his head for the first time.
Crispy leaves were drifting through the chilly autumn wind like confetti, commemorating the final days of November and reminding them all of the long winter months ahead of them. Akaashi wrapped his hands around his hot cup of jasmine tea, shivering.
“And did you guys see that one spike? ‘Kaashi set it perfect, then I was like, wham! Remember that?” Bokuto gushed, gesturing wildly with the chopsticks in his right hand.
“Hell yeah, man. That was awesome.” Kuroo replied, grinning sharply as he popped a piece of sushi in his mouth. “Hey, babe, pass the wasabi?”
Bokuto beamed as Kenma reached across the table to hand Kuroo a little green dish of wasabi paste. Akaashi smiled softly around a sip of his tea.
It was funny, really. When Akaashi had first joined the volleyball team the previous year, never would he have thought that he’d be eating dinner with Bokuto Koutarou. Bokuto was always larger-than-life, a fierce force of everlasting joy and energy. He sparkled and never stopped.
Akaashi didn’t think he had sparkled once in his life. So it came as an immense surprise that the human-firework in question had bounded towards him after that first day of practice, eyes shining with the hope that Akaashi would set him some extra spikes.
And for all of Akaashi’s stubbornness, he could never seem to say no to Bokuto’s radiant smile.
“Right?!” Bokuto exclaimed, before letting out a contented sigh and crossing his arms, looking thoughtful. “Volleyball’s gotta be, like, the best thing ever. In my whole life.”
You’re the best thing in my life, Bokuto-San.
Akaashi choked on his tea, mind reeling as he spluttered inelegantly into his cloth napkin.
“Woah, woah! You okay, ‘Kaashi?” Bokuto said in concern, lightly patting his back. Akaashi looked up at the way his brows were furrowed, the little flecks of brown in his golden eyes. The smatter of freckles on his nose.
I think I love him.
Oh god.
Akaashi managed a feeble nod, trying to hide his reddened face in the fabric.
Abort, abort, abort.
“Yes, I’m fine. I’ll be right back.” He quickly excused himself, slipping out of the booth and heading towards the bathrooms.
It wasn’t until the door shut behind him and he saw himself in the mirror, pathetic and pining, that he allowed the tears to fall.
—
Akaashi tells himself he won’t cry at Bokuto’s graduation. He won’t do it.
But when he sees Bokuto’s brilliant smile, his skin flushed with joy, and his eyes glittering with pride, his resolve crumbles. His cheeks are streaked with tears before he knows it.
Later on, once the hubbub has died down and friends and family have cleared out, the team sits together, on the steps outside of the gym.
This is where everything starts to change. In a few short months, Bokuto will be moving to Osaka to join the MSBY Black Jackals. The thought puts a viscid knot of dread in his gut.
Akaashi tries to relish the few moments he has left with the team, with Bokuto, while he still can. But the uncertainty ahead is impossible to ignore.
He sits quietly, listening as the others swap stories and reminisce on their bygone high school years. All of the wins and the losses, all of the laughter and all of the tears.
Bokuto sparkles in the waning moonlight, practically glowing as he recounts the time he had gotten Akaashi to (very uncharacteristically) shoplift onigiri from the local convenience store.
Akaashi remembers it clear as day. Something about the mischievous glint in Bokuto’s eyes and the teasing lilt to his toothy grin had made him abandon all rationality. Before he knew it, he was racing out of the konbini, onigiri in hand, giggling as Bokuto chased him out and through the lamplit streets.
“You got Akaashi to steal something?” Konoha laughs in disbelief.
“Right??” Bokuto says gleefully. “That's gotta be, like, one of my best moments.”
All of my best moments have been with you.
It’s the truth. From volleyball victories, to late night walks home after practice, to running out of that konbini. Bokuto was there for it all.
And now that he was leaving…
Akaashi curls his arms around his knees, pressing his face into the soft wool of his cardigan, and listens as his old teammates cherish other memories under the soft glow of the starlight.
—
It is far too late to be reading, Akaashi knows. He has an essay for his English class due tomorrow, and a law exam he needs to study for, but with the handy little book light that Konoha had bought him for Christmas, he can’t help but turn another page. The gadget is also comforting. It connects him back to his high school days, to an old teammate and friend.
He idly nibbles on his lip, slouching further onto the pillows of his bed and drawing his knees closer to his chest.
The main character reminds him a bit of Bokuto, actually. A small smile laces his face at the thought.
At that very moment, Akaashi's phone lights up with Bokuto’s contact image: a photo of him holding a rescue kitten from when they had volunteered at the animal shelter back in high school. His heart still leaps at the sight of his delighted expression. Swallowing thickly, he answers the phone.
“Bokuto-san?”
“AKAASHI!! How are you?!”
Akaashi’s chest blooms at the sound of his voice. Hearing it was like drinking water for the first time in days. God, he misses him.
“I’m doing well. How are you? How was the first week of practice?” He asks softly, placing a bookmark in between the pages of his novel and setting it on his bedside table.
“It was great!! I still can’t believe I’m here.” Bokuto laughs goofily. “Joining MSBY is like, the best thing to ever happen to me.” Akaashi’s heart strains at his words.
You’re the best thing to ever happen to me. He thinks. Stupid.
Please come back. I miss you so much. He wants to say.
“That’s wonderful.” Akaashi replies instead, praying that Bokuto wouldn’t pick up on his subtle change in tone.
But of course, he does. He always does.
“Kaashi, is everything okay?” Bokuto asks carefully.
“Of course, Bokuto-san. I’m fine, just a bit tired, that’s all. I’m glad to hear everything is going well with the new team.” He anxiously fiddles with the cuff of his sweater, trying to change the subject.
Bokuto doesn’t pry any further, and Akaashi manages to get through the rest of their conversation. He smiles and laughs before saying good night, hanging up, and sobbing into his pillow.
—
Akaashi was well accustomed to the train ride to Osaka at this point. It squeals to a stop, jolting him out of his light sleep. He had stayed up late the previous night, working to make a tight deadline for Tenma. Sitting up straight, he cringes at the kink in his neck. There’s surely an ugly red outline on his cheek where it was smushed up against his glasses and the molding of the window.
The crowd of people is thick as molasses as he steps onto the platform, and he squints, searching for the telltale spikes of Bokuto’s hair. His heartbeat grows louder in his ears. There are too many people.
His breathing quickens as the stuffiness of the crowd increases, closing in on him. He can’t get out. He can’t find Bokuto. He can’t-
“ Kaashi!”
He turns, and Bokuto is there, arms open for a hug. Relief floods his senses as he runs to him, finally at peace as Bokuto’s large arms wrap around his body, holding him tight. The arms that, Akaashi realizes with a shiver, have grown so much stronger since high school. His back has broadened too, Akaashi feels, as he reciprocates the hug. He breathes deep, relishing the familiar scent of his cologne and that distinct manliness that can only be described as Bokuto.
Akaashi feels the older man bury his face into his curls.
“Missed you, ‘Kaash.” he says gently, with such reverence. Akaashi’s heart melts. He sniffles, and Bokuto pulls away from him, hands on Akaashi’s shoulders.
His gaze is focused, analyzing Akaashi’s expression. Noticing all of the little things that nobody else could.
“You okay?” he asks, cocking his head. Akaashi breathes out a laugh.
“I’m fine. There’s just a lot of people in here,” he explains, fidgeting with his fingers and gesturing vaguely to the people around them. Bokuto softens in understanding.
“C’mon. Let’s go home.” he smiles, taking Akaashi’s hand.
Home. Akaashi could cry.
Living in Tokyo has always felt incomplete. Like there was a missing piece in his puzzle.
The first time he had spent the weekend in Bokuto’s Osaka apartment, he was reminded of why.
That inexplicable, neverending completeness filled his heart to the brim as soon as he had allowed himself to relish in the domesticity of it all. Bokuto cooking dinner, watching volleyball highlights together on his TV, sharing a blanket on his squishy couch. He could almost pretend that they were a couple.
And then they would just lay. Together. There was an overwhelming sense of solace that always surged through Akaashi’s heart, then. A comfortable silence would wash over them, with Bokuto’s head in Akaashi’s lap, carding his fingers through his hair.
Something feels different tonight, though. Heightened. Bokuto gazes up at him with an intensity that fills Akaashi with both nervousness and warmth. He swallows thickly.
“What?” Akaashi all but whispers. It takes Bokuto a moment to respond, as if he were considering what to say. That sets Akaashi on edge. Bokuto has never been known to be a person that thinks for very long before he speaks.
Not that that’s a bad thing. Bokuto is a person who feels everything with such vigor; he wears his heart on his sleeve. Akaashi admires that deeply, he always had.
“I’m just…thinking.” Bokuto says, finally.
“What about?”
“I just feel like-” Bokuto begins, before sitting up to face Akaashi. He opens his mouth to speak, but hesitates. Akaashi’s heartbeat quickens.
“I feel like maybe I’ve been taking you for granted.”
Akaashi’s throat tightens. But Bokuto isn’t done.
“You’ve always known just what to say to me. You’ve never, ever, made me feel like I was incapable, or too much to handle, or, or anything like that. You’re - you’re just amazing. And I guess I never realized how amazing until… you were gone.” he pauses to send him a meaningful glance. “I don’t know what I did to deserve a friend like you. But I-”
He pauses again, as if nervous. Akaashi is holding his breath.
“I need you to know that I want us to be more than that. More than friends.”
Before, Akaashi thought his heart couldn’t pound any louder. But now, it just stops.
“You’re the best thing in my life, Keiji. You’re like, my person . My world. And I want to be with you.”
Akaashi’s soul swims in pools of deep, gold light. He barely has time to register the use of his given name.
“Do you really mean that?” he asks, voice small. Bokuto cups his cheek, brushing away his tears with the calloused pad of his thumb.
“More than anything.”
Akaashi smiles. He feels light and free. For the first time in what feels like forever.
“I’ve loved you for a very long time.” he admits quietly.
Bokuto shines .
“I love you too.” he says, quickly this time, his nervousness melting and making room for boundless excitement. A toothy grin spreads across his face.
Those words soothe a deep ache within Akaashi’s soul, one he hadn’t even realized was there.
They come together, starlight peeking through the windows and glimmering down upon them both. Bokuto treats him like something precious, laying him gently down on the cushions of that squishy couch. His mouth is searing hot on Akaashi’s lips, on the skin of his neck and his abdomen.
Bokuto pulls away for a brief moment, eyes full of gentle adoration.
“God Keiji,” he says, “you just sparkle. ”