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His ears pick up on the soft sigh the human next to him lets out, the sound almost drowned out by the song of crickets.
He's given Senjuro his jacket to protect him from the biting cold of the winter night. It's not snowing yet, but Rui isn't dumb enough to not know temperatures under 50 degrees bother humans.
He glances over at Senjuro whose eyes trace the stars, seemingly creating his own constellations. He'd like to enjoy the moment alone with Senjuro, but his brain won't stay quiet.
This isn't natural. Humans and demons are not supposed to be friends, or anything more. If things were anything like the way they were in the past, Senjuro would be in a puddle of his own-
Rui’s hit with a strong wave of nausea at the horrific picture his mind created, bile threatening to leave his lips if he didn't quickly hold it back. No, don't think of that. He's not like what people say he's supposed to be. He's civilized, domesticated.
Just thinking of those words makes him want to scoff. It makes him feel like an animal. He tries to redirect his thoughts—put himself in the moment, feel the cool roof tiles under his thick skin—only for them to crawl back to how things could be, how they should be.
***
Senjuro notices a shift in Rui’s demeanor. The subtle twitch of the demon's eye alerts him that something is off, the hand subconsciously placed on his stomach, a sign Rui doesn't feel good.
He tears his gaze away from the stars, looking at the demon sitting next to him, only a shoulder's length away. Seeing Rui bothered by something sets his own anxiety off.
Is he doing something wrong? Does Rui not like sitting on the roof? Is the demon hungry? Is he tired?
His heart rate picks up.
‘Am I sitting weird? Maybe we're too close, Rui's always liked personal space. Oh, but Rui's been letting me be close to him, am I too clingy? I should say something—’
Instead of a thinly veiled self deprecating remark, Senjuro asks a simple question:
"... Rui, are you okay?"
***
Rui is yanked from his thoughts as Senjuro speaks to him, turning his head to meet the worried gaze of the human. Instinctively, he opens his mouth to dismiss any concern thrown his way, but nothing comes out.
He just stares into the dim, comforting flame of Senjuro's eyes. He feels his fangs slightly poking out from under his lips, a reminder of their divide. He sees the human tuck his hands into his lap as he shifts an inch away, and Rui resists the urge to reach out and keep him in place.
"... I don't know," he finally mumbles back, one very predictable response. He's never been good with his emotions. He thought spending so much time around an emotional human would teach him something, but even four years later he feels himself numb in the face of most things.
Senjuro only sighs softly once again, his gaze drifting towards the backyard of Rui's house. It's well taken care of, aside from the toys strewn about from the demon's younger siblings. He tucks a knee against his chest, resting his chin. "You can tell me anything."
Anything. The overwhelming voices in Rui’s head go silent, letting him think for himself. Before he knows it he speaks again, the part of his brain that usually suppresses his thoughts shutting off completely, as if it were simply a light switch.
"... Don't you think this isn't normal?" He asks in a quiet voice. His gaze doesn't leave Senjuro's form. His body feels stiff.
Senjuro appears confused by the question, looking back at Rui with furrowed eyebrows. "What's 'this'?"
"This." The demon's white hands motion to the two sitting on the roof. "Isn't this weird to you?"
"... No...?"
Rui's body tenses more. "It's—aren't you afraid of what I could do to you? How I could hurt you?"
Rui feels his subconscious rearing back, trying to slow his beating heart, trying to put a wall between the two. He has to suppress it all. He doesn't want them both to get hurt because of his feelings. If only his body will cooperate.
Senjuro feels discomfort settle in his chest, not liking how Rui's acting. He's seen the demon feeling down before, but this is different. "Rui—"
Senjuro is cut off as Rui suddenly lunges forward, getting into his personal space in an attempt to intimidate the other boy. He yelps at the sudden movement, the demon flinching at the sound.
"Why aren't you afraid of me?" He asks, his gaze burning into Senjuro's eyes. His hand not supporting him is lifted off the roof tiles, clenched in a clawing position as if he's going to scratch the human with his dull nails. He can't hold back the small tremor that shakes his uplifted hand, trying to keep the illusion of danger.
Senjuro is breathing heavier than before, as if he’s trying to calm his racing heart. It seems that though, even if admittedly a part of him is scared, it's small enough to be ignored. He doesn't move much at first, keeping Rui's gaze as he lifts his own hand to slide into the demon's raised one.
"You’ve never given me a reason to be scared,” Senjuro says confidently yet quietly, a small shiver in his voice at the proximity. He gently pushes the clawed hand down, a small yet nervous smile growing on his face. "... I don't want to be afraid of you."
The smile on Senjuro's face makes Rui’s heart clench. His stoic expression falters, a twitch of his eye signalling a crack in his facade. He thinks about arguing his point further. Senjuro should be scared. He should know that he shouldn't be here with him, a demon.
But … his eyes drift to Senjuro's hand, gently but firmly ahold of his. The warmth of the human’s skin seeps into his cold body, making him feel warm against the biting breeze. If this was how things should be, his mind would be picking apart all of their differences: Senjuro's sun-kissed tan skin against his inhumanly pale complexion, his blue eyes surrounded by a demonic red sclera that always find their way back to Senjuro’s, a flame he can’t help but be drawn to.
Somehow, his mind is quiet once more. He slowly and hesitantly interlocks their fingers, his gaze darting back to the human to see if he's okay with this. He sits back on his haunches, feeling an unfamiliar sensation bubbling up in his chest.
Senjuro watches as Rui interweaves their hands, feeling his heart rate pick up significantly. H-he’s finally holding hands with Rui?! He's been waiting for this moment for months now … he's—
Senjuro's face flushes a light pink, looking back at Rui. He wants to continue, to tell Rui how much he means to him, how he's changed his life, how much he's helped him, how much he loves him—
However, his thoughts are cut short at the sight of a tear rolling down Rui’s cheek.
"Wha—" He stumbles, pushing himself forward to get closer to the crying demon. He's seen Rui very rarely cry at emotional movies, but never in a situation like this.
"Hey, hey ... it's alright," he coos, using his free hand to wipe a hot tear off Rui's cool skin. "You want to tell me what's wrong? O-or not, if that's what you want ..." He offers feebly, feeling himself panic a bit at Rui’s sudden emotional vulnerability.
Rui doesn't move as Senjuro wipes his tears away, simply staring at the other boy. He feels his lips quiver into a small smile, his doubts seemingly melting away at this intimate moment. He grips Senjuro's hand tighter, assuring he isn't letting go any time soon.
"It's ... it's nothing." He lets out a small chuckle. "... I'm just ... overthinking things." He admits, giving the human a small look, as if to say "I'll tell you later". This moment feels too special to ruin with his depressing thoughts.
Rui moves in closer, gently bumping his head against Senjuro's in an affectionate manner before pulling back. His smile is gone as quick as it came, but his posture and face are considerably less tense than they were prior.
Senjuro returns the bump as he receives it, knowing it's a demon gesture of affection. He's worried for Rui but can tell this moment isn't the time for him to explain.
Rui breaks his gaze and turns to look back up at the stars. Senjuro follows suit, shifting closer to the demon until their shoulders touch. He rests his head against the other boy's shoulder, his blush not gone from his face.
"... I love you." Senjuro whispers, his soft declaration meant only for Rui's ears.
The demon nods, leaning his head atop Senjuro's, his golden hair tickling his skin. "I love you too."