Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

(“You didn’t have to do this.”
“But we would anyway.”
“We’ll fight a thousand demons if necessary to make you happy.”)

(“Do you really have to go?”
“I can’t let Yoon Bo go to war alone. Not when she helped us when we needed it most.”
“Then take us, we’re better together, you know that.”
“The throne can’t be empty, Honmoon still needs to be protected.”
“Bobby is more than capable of taking care of the province in our absence, and Honmoon would still be protected. There are so many capable sorcerers and hunters, Mira has trained them so well.”
“I can’t lose you!”
“And can we lose you?”)

(“Promise me you’ll come back to me, that you won’t leave me like Rumi.”

“I promise, my love. I’ll come back safe and sound, and I’ll bring our runaway girl with me, I promise.”)

“Zoey.” Bobby’s voice pulled me from my thoughts and made me look away from the view. of the ocean outside my window.

"Yes?"

"Everything's ready, my dear," he says gently. As if he doesn't want to upset me any further than I already am. But it's not his fault, no, this situation is not his fault at all. If I have to blame anyone for this, perhaps I blame all the suitors who crowd the halls of my palace as if they own it. Perhaps I blame myself for letting it get to this, for not resolving it sooner. Perhaps it's Mira's fault for setting off in search of our missing wife and disappearing in the same way, leaving me with only Derpy and Bobby for company. Perhaps it's Rumi's fault and her sense of duty to Yoon Bō to the point of going to war and leaving us.
Perhaps it's the gods' fault, who found it amusing to take my two loves away, just to watch how far I go, how much more I can take.
If the world granted my wishes, I would be sitting on the sands of the beach forever, waiting for their return. I would wait even when my body had already decayed and been eaten by worms; my spirit still awaited them, there, on the same beach where I kissed each of them goodbye and watched their boats disappear.
However, neither the gods, nor the spirits, much less the universe, have heard my prayers.
And if the gods don't hear me, the men at my door even less so.
Ten years of appeasing them, telling them I'll choose someone to crown them when I finish composing the funeral hymn for the funeral procession of the two women I loved most in this world. Every day I compose pages and pages, but at the end of the day, they're all just ashes in my fireplace.
All in the hope they'll tire.
Blatantly lying to them, buying time, and hopefully waiting for them to return to me.
But it wasn't enough, and now I'll have to resort to what I thought I'd never need.

The thought alone wrings a breath from my throat.

But this burden and suffering can never be blamed on Bobby; he's been the only constant throughout these years. One of the few people in this palace who sees me as anything other than their queen regent or a prize to be won. However, I suspect it's because he saw me eat like a starving animal all those years ago, when I was nothing more than a lonely little girl who could barely speak the local language.

"Thank you, Bobby." I try to smile at him, to show my gratitude for all the years of loyalty and companionship. But it probably looks more like a grimace, because Bobby looks at me with clear concern in his eyes.

"Honey, are you sure you want to go through with this? We can put it off for a little longer..."

"There's no more time, Bobby. If this drags on any longer, I fear these walls will be covered in blood." My voice sounds serious and firm, so different from before. It wasn't the voice of a newly married princess in love. Not the voice of a newly crowned queen surrounded by love and the future. It wasn't the voice of a girl writing poems beneath a peach tree to impress the crown princess and her shieldmaiden. No, it was the voice of a queen who has long protected her beloved's empty throne, the voice of a woman sharpening a woldo she doesn't know how to use, the voice of a woman who has grown accustomed to falling asleep in an empty, cold bed. It's the voice of a woman whose time has expired.

Bobby doesn't argue, but his disgust with the whole situation is clear. He approaches me and sits next to me by the window.

"Before Queen Minyeon passed away, she asked Celine and me to take care of Rumi, and it wasn't possible to take care of Rumi without taking care of Mira, because wherever Rumi went, Mira followed, always ready to protect her best friend, orbiting her like the moon orbits the Earth," he says as he gazes at the horizon beyond the palace. “I did my best to take care of them. To guide them as best I could, teaching them everything I knew about politics and the world. Then Rumi disappears and Mira follows her and I fail Minyeon.” Then his eyes turn to me, and in all the years I've known him, I've never seen him so dejected and anguished. "But most of all, I failed you, my child."

I shook my head fervently in denial. How could he believe he failed?

"Zo," and it disarmed me, ripping from me all the words I was so ready to say, because what do you do when the man who raised you doesn't call you Your Majesty, but by the nickname he gave you when you were just a child who knew nothing of the world? When you were nothing more than that; A child receiving love for the first time. "Rumi, before he left, asked me to take care of the kingdom and of you and Mira. And when Mira left, she asked the same. And a revolt is about to break out within our walls! But above all, I failed you. I promised that nothing would happen to you, that you would never have to worry about anything again, that you would be the happiest girl in the world," he takes my hands in his. "I'm so sorry for that, my child."

Tears threaten to escape my eyes.

"Don't say that. Never say that, Bobby. You did your best, you were the best advisor this kingdom could have. The most loyal and just man. And..." I swallow the sob that wants to escape my throat, "the best father I could have." I say, hugging him, like I haven't hugged him in so long.

"Darling…"

"I know, but it's not your fault. You did the best you could. You protected me as much as you could. But Father, I can't help it any longer. I need to choose a new ruler. They are dissatisfied, and by the spirits, they attacked you. How much longer until a bloodbath ensues and you, me, and everyone who inhabits this palace never come face to face with the reaper?" I ask as I pull away from him and look him in the eye. I see the pain still in his eyes, but there's a hint of something I can't tell if it's pride or fear for the future.

"I wish you never had to do this," he says, wiping away tears I didn't even know I'd shed. "I wish you could have kept that sparkle in your eyes."

"Me too…"

"But know that I'll be with you the whole time. No matter what happens or which suitor you choose, I'll be by your side."

I smiled at him, and he smiled back, taking my hands and giving them a gentle squeeze.
I was about to say something when there was a knock on the door.

"Yes?" I replied.

"Your Majesty, the… Guests are already lined up in the west garden, as you requested." The voice of Jin-woo, one of the palace servants, announced.

Bobby looked at me, waiting for me to say something, still hoping I'd cancel everything. But I just stood up and ran my hands over the white silk fabric of my hanbok, smoothing out any wrinkles or imperfections.
I stared at my reflection in the mirror, and the woman staring back at me looked nothing like the woman I once was.

When I turn to Bobby, he's waiting for me, offering his arm, just as he did when I was too young to walk the palace corridors alone. I hold it, allowing the memory to comfort me for a moment.

"Thank you, Bobby," I say.

Bobby opens the bedroom door and waits patiently for me to leave, only to follow right behind.

And we walk through the castle corridors in silence, like a funeral procession, two bodies missing and the third still warm.

It's the end of a dynasty, disintegrating alongside my heart.

Chapter Text

The sea was calm, as calm as it had ever dared to be since I left home, never easing, always impossible and cruel. Waves so high they threatened to swallow islands, whirlpools that dragged everything to the bottom of the sea, currents that carried you far from your destination, Ningyo from distant lands ready to devour the flesh from your bones, and pirates willing to take everything you have, including your freedom.
Trials that felt more like the punishment of a Pung Wuju I accidentally angered just by crossing its path.
So seeing waters so placid reflecting the cloudless blue sky, the wind so gentle and favorable blowing the sails of my little raft, doesn't comfort me as it should.
It only makes my instincts scream that something is wrong, that soon I will have to fight another monster, feed the sharks the flesh of an entire crew, choose between myself and the man I've come to call comrade. Calm is never a comfort at sea; it's just fate catching its breath for the abrupt tug of its rug. It's literally the innocence of a wolf about to snap at its unsuspecting prey.
But as everything that spends time at sea gains fangs, I've also learned to bare mine. No matter how many storms tore me apart, how many monsters tried to devour me, in the end, I devoured them one by one.
And I'll devour as many others as come my way if it means getting closer to returning home to Zoey.
To finally lay Rumi to rest.
The thought alone pains me.
Because 10 years wasted for nothing.
10 years searching for one of the women I love, and I couldn't even bring back her remains. I couldn't even find a shard of her sword.
All I got in my search was pain and longing.
All I brought home from Rumi was the cruel news of her loss. All I have left of Rumi is the certainty that her spirit cannot move on, because I stubbornly refused to let her go, foolishly keeping her prisoner here instead of burying her and giving her peace.
All I gave Rumi was the heartbreak of leaving our wife alone for ten damned years.
Zoey…
Ten long years with only memories anchoring me to this world, only memories of her and the brightness of her eyes and the warmth of her arms, kept me from succumbing to total madness. They and Rumi's memories, but lately, remembering her hurts more than any other ordeal from the gods.
Remembering her voice echoing through the palace corridors, the strange, foolish smile she wore, cuts deeper than any sword.
I fear I won't be able to smell Jasmine without crying.
That I won't even be able to sleep in our bed next to our wife without feeling like I'm drowning in pain. This is the cruelty of fate from which I cannot recover or rise.
Because the certainty that the last time I saw my wife was in the midst of a shouting match before she departed to her end. The certainty that I never got to truly say goodbye. Never got to tell her I loved her one last time. It is fate's cruelest blow.
And I knew this when I left, I knew it so much that I wandered for ten years searching for her, dead or alive, all so I could somehow right the wrong I had committed. So that, if I couldn't bring her back, at least say a proper goodbye.
And I failed.
I don't know how I can ever look Zoey in the eye and say I failed, failed every promise I made—to her, to Rumi, to myself.
Promises we made in our marriage, promises we made in bed after a passionate night, promises we made sitting under the peach tree. How can I look her in the eye and not only tell her that I don't have our girl with me, not even her bones to bury, but that I also killed her other wife, because I'm not the same woman she said goodbye to at Jeju Port. I had to kill her if I wanted to return to her arms, but am I really returning to her arms? Am I? Am I even worthy of facing her after the atrocities I've committed? And worst of all, after not regretting them, simply because I selfishly just wanted to return to her?
And the cruelest thing: I'm not ready to just throw myself into the sea and drown in my shame.
No, I won't do that, not when I see the silhouette of the familiar rocks that draw me like Kumihos draw men.
Not when I must fulfill the only promise I can: return to her.

"Wait, my love, I'm home," I whisper as my eyes rest on the peaks I know are the palace towers. "I'm coming back to you, Please may you still recognize me".