Chapter Text
Kakashi didn’t mean to, he swears. He didn’t, the comparison slipping out in hushed whispers, words he shouldn’t have said, even in passing let alone behind the blonde’s back. Kakashi already owes Naruto a lifetime of apologies, things he should’ve done and said. His heart twists as he watches the boy slip a grin on, that selfless reaction for Kakashi’s sake just makes everything worse.
Kakashi was finally teaching Naruto something, more than just the basics. Despite getting team 7 four years ago, Kakashi can’t deny that Sasuke’s the only one he truly taught a lot too. Kakashi knows he’s failed his kids in every way. Didn’t do enough to stop Sasuke from leaving, couldn’t mend the heart break in his remaining kids. Couldn’t dissuade them from letting the wayward raven go, although he supposes it’s his fault for teaching these kids with hearts too big for the shinobi world the importance of teamwork. He was distant from them, all for his own reasons, his own ghosts and traumas. He begrudgingly ended up caring for them when they snuck through his defences without his permission. But for as much as he cares for them is how far he keeps them away. Terrified of the power his kids have over him. Terrified by the way that suddenly, when he was away on solo missions, he couldn’t help but think of his kids waiting for him back home. Couldn’t help the way he got invested in their lives and well-being, bringing bento boxes for all of them to share because 2 out of 3 of his kids were hopeless, with no parental supervision. Terrified by the useless words of comfort that tumble from his lips when any of the kids look at him with those sad eyes, not even knowing he was capable of saying those words. Terrified of the misplaced trust and belief he has in these kids of his.
Sasuke was always a bit too much like him, in the way that Kakashi was determined to not allow Sasuke to go down the same dark path Kakashi himself took. Kakashi didn’t mean to, didn’t mean to pay more attention to the raven, didn’t mean to pick him during the one month training period before the final round of the chunin exam, didn’t mean to offer up more support and comfort to the raven. He didn’t mean to cast his other two kids aside. He just … Sasuke was too much like him, he wanted to spare Sasuke from the crushing regret and guilt that Kakashi lived with every second of the day. He wanted to do his best by Sasuke. He didn't … he didn't mean to favour the raven, didn’t mean to make his other kids feel less than, to feel less cared for, less important. Sakura was just … in all honesty, Kakashi just wasn’t the right teacher for the pink haired girl who was too much like Rin. Sakura would be an excellent medical nin, like Rin. Sakura was the middle, the centre of the team, like Rin. Okay … maybe the fact that Sakura was so much like Rin was why Kakashi cast her aside. Not because he didn’t believe in her but because he wanted to keep her safe, didn’t want the same horrifying ending to happen to his girl. And Naruto. Okay … maybe Kakashi couldn’t look at Naruto. Maybe he couldn’t stand seeing his dead sensei’s son who was too much of a mix of every regret Kakashi had. Maybe Naruto reflected the greatest losses of Kakashi’s life. Fine maybe … maybe with the blonde he did push away because it hurt too much. But Kakashi didn't mean to. He wasn’t trying to hurt Naruto and Sakura, but the ghosts that haunt him are strong. Kakashi is sorry, he’s sorry every day, every time he looks at his remaining kids who somehow still only have love and adoration for their sensei. Because his kids all leave him, find their own way. For all Kakashi had hoped for, sasuke ended up going with Orochimaru. Naruto went off to train with Jiraya and Sakura was learning from the best medical ninja in all the great lands, Tsunade was who Sakura deserved. Rumours that his kids were the second coming of the sanin considering they were all being trained by one. Kakashi deserves that, deserves Sasuke’s stinging betrayal and Naruto and Sakura’s abandonment. What rights does he have to feel upset, he can't imagine how upset Sakura and Naruto must’ve felt back then. But then they come home to him, the two he cast aside so strong all on their own. Kakashi doesn’t have the right to feel proud but he is so proud of them. And his kids still look at him like he’s some god despite them being under the tutelage of actual gods for the last 2 and a half years.
And then it all explodes, the Akatsuki starts moving, Gaara’s death and revival, the reunion with Sasuke he missed, again failing to be there for the two he’s always failed. They’re coming for Naruto, everyone knows, it’s why Jiraya took him to train in the first place, well and the fact that the toad sage is his godfather. Training amps up and now Kakashi can finally teach the blonde something. Owes him that much after all, everything he knew was taught by the blonde’s father so he supposes it a full circle moment. He wonders for a second if his sensei would be proud, but that thought immediately disappears. No, he owes Minato sensei a lifetime of apologies for how he’s treated Naruto out of his own cowardice.