Chapter Text
May 2018
“HA!” Lily Zneimer exclaimed as she slammed her fist down on the plastic folding table, sending a set of marble chess pieces flying above Oscar Piastri’s face.
Oscar threw his arms up to intercept the little rocks and squeaked out a little “ermph” before a rook bounced off his forehead leaving a red mark behind.
“Oh Oscar, I’m so sorry!” Lily squealed while hiding her eyes behind her hands. “You have to believe me, please! I didn’t think the whole table was gonna flip!” She uncrumpled an almost full scorecard and slowly added another tally mark beneath her name. “I did still win, though… that move you made with the rook? Not smart Osc.”
Oscar grumbled and began setting the table up again while looking at the clock. 5:10pm. That wasn’t good. He had less than an hour left before his Mom would cruise by to pick him and Lily up from their chess club. A little less than an hour in which he would need to win 3 games against the future engineer to win their bet. By 5:45, Lily had won another game and Oscar’s hope was almost out.
She had just taken his queen and Oscar couldn’t take it anymore. “Lily?” Oscar whispered. “I think we can call it. You win.” He trembled in his seat and Lily could hear the jittering of his braces-clad teeth. The warm sun beat down on his forehead and a bead of sweat dripped down his nose as he curled his toes up in his shoes.
“Are you ok?” Lily replied while looking up at the teen across from her. “We can call off the bet Osc. It’s not that serious.”
“Nah. I… I… We… promised each other,” he continued, “that whoever won fewer games this year would share their deepest secret.” He paused, taking in the sweet smell of grass wafting from the other side of the lawn. “And mine isn’t something you can promise to just anyone. Mine has torn people apart.”
Lily stammered, “Oscar, you don’t need to prove anything to me. We’ll be friends no matter what!” She reached for his hands and opened his clammy fingers which were still gripping onto a black knight. “Only tell me if you want to, okay?”
Oscar looked at the ground and wiped his nose. “I’m gay. That’s all.”
“Oh!” Lily quietly gasped. “That’s a wonderful thing to be, Oscar!”
“Really?” he replied, tilting his head sharply to the left.
“Yes, it is, dummy! Love is a wonderful thing. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.” Lily released his hands from her grip and ran around the table just to throw her arms around him. “Oh one day, Oscar, you’ll find an amazing man, that’s for certain.”
The warmth of her hug lingered on Oscar's mind as he fell asleep that night, grateful to have a true friend in a world of fakes.
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September, 2018
“While we wait for Q1 to get heated here at the illuminated night circuit of Singapore,” Crofty’s voice bellowed across the grandstands and to millions of F1 viewers around the world, “McLaren announced earlier today that they have formalized a deal with their rookie, Lando Norris, to take a step up to the Formula 1 stage in 2019. This announcement comes as no shock to those who have followed the young Brit’s career trajectory, and we will welcome Lando … AND OH … WE HAVE A CRASH IN THE PIT LANE!”
Oscar spun around in his chair to the sight of Charles colliding with Max in the pitlane. Must have been the Ferrari mechanics sending him out too early. From his vantage point in the VIP lounge where was watching the race with Mark Webber, he could see a few Italian men clad in red shaking their fists violently at each other.
“GOODNESS ME! VERSTAPPEN HAS PLUNGED INTO THE BACK OF LECLERC!” Crofty shouted almost gleefully. “Let’s see a replay on that, shall we?”
The incident only temporarily distracted Oscar from his racing mind. Lando? The boy whose career he’d secretly been following for years? If anything made Oscar want to push harder to get into F1, it would have to be Lando. There was something about him… he was not like Oscar at all with his wide eyes, his complete openness, and his almost childlike movements. If someone met the both of them in a bar, Oscar bet that Lando would be carded before him. Nevertheless, Oscar couldn’t stop thinking about him and how it would feel to run his hands through that curly brown hair.
“Hmmuh” he sighed and leaned back into the comfort of his seat. Qualifying was heating up and he could daydream about Lando another time.
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August, 2020
“Oi! Carlos, mate! You CAN’T just go around telling people this!” Lando protested, his eyes furiously pinned on the Spaniard while vigorously flapping his hands above his head.
“Relax, Landito!” Carlos cooed at the Brit, extending his own arms to quiet the flapping motion of Lando’s arms. “Don’t worry, your secret’s safe with me. And hey, gracias for trusting me with it.”
“Ok, dude, ‘cause I don’t wanna go around the paddock hearing about this from… Max or Toto or someone” Lando retorted.
“Nah, have no worries” Carlos responded as he veered into his changing room to remove the team kit they’d been wearing for some PR filming.
“Buggers” Lando muttered under his breath, certain that by the next week, everyone and their girlfriends would hear that Lando Norris, the future project of McLaren, was bisexual. It’s not that Lando cared if his closer friends on the grid knew; in fact, he planned on telling them himself at some point. The catch in all of this is that he wanted to be the one to tell, not his well-meaning but loose-lipped Spanish teammate. Unfortunately for Lando, the idea that NEXT WEEK was when the secret would slip seriously underestimated Carlos’s stupidity in selecting confidants.
Even if Carlos was bad at keeping his trap shut, Lando thought, Charles Leclerc made Carlos look like a monk. Within 30 minutes of Carlos informing Charles of Lando’s interest in both men and women, the message had been delivered to Max. Charles had whispered it into the Dutchman’s ear in between rounds of heavy neck kissing and Max responded by squeezing the Monagasque’s waist and thanking him for gathering such good gossip. After finishing up with Max, Charles giggled like a kid in a candy shop while speed dialing George, Alex, Lewis, Pierre, Daniel, and what felt like the rest of the northern hemisphere. He was so ecstatic to share that Lestappen were not the ONLY queer drivers on the grid that the idea that Lando might want to keep his bi-ness private didn’t even register.
No wonder Lando woke up to 22 missed calls ranging from the likes of Zak Brown, his PR manager, and his Mum about articles in every major newspaper. The titles read as simple as “LANDO NORRIS: FIRST OPENLY BISEXUAL F1 DRIVER” all the way to the deranged “LANDO NO-RIZZ CAN’T EVEN GET A BOYFRIEND! THE F1 STAR REVEALS ALL IN THIS EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW”. Lando had never spoken a word of this to anyone besides Carlos, so he couldn’t possibly imagine what that interview would say.
“URGhhhh” Lando grumbled miserably. The summer break had barely started and his day was not looking any more “break”-like than any of the race weekends.
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August, 2021
“I can’t believe it’s been a year since that all happened, mate” Max laughed, “and that you still don’t have a partner!”
“C’mon bro, ya don’t have to rub it in” a squeamish Lando shot back as he flashed Max a fake scowl. Inviting Max over for a game night may have been a mistake. At least the Red Bull driver had brought over some drinks so Lando could put the pain of his inability to find a partner.
“But you’ll have to rub one out HAHA” Max chuckled as he sat up on his side of the couch and put his controller on the side table. “I’m just kidding, mate,” he continued, facing Lando with a look that almost said he was sorry. “Have you tried looking for girls? I know the whole bi thing meant people thought you’d be bangin’ a bloke, but there’s tons of girls out there who’d die for a driver like you.”
“Eh.” Lando murmured. “Any girl who knows I’m bi figures I want a guy, and any guy who knows I’m bi figures I want a girl.” He pointed at his cup and gestured for Max to refill it. “It’s a lose-lose. I may as well just focus on races and building up Quadrant. I know Niran has some brain-dead ideas that I’m gonna hear out tomorrow.”
“Suit yourself” Max shrugged. “I’d choose Charles over races if I had to… and I only want the best for you too, mate, because it’s just…”
‘Yeah, yeah, yeah,” Lando interrupted. “Lestappen this Lestappen that. When will you guys EVER go public?”
“Ahhh never, yeah, never. We’ve been enjoying our privacy and don’t feel any need to open the floodgates of reporters” Max sighed.
“Ok dude,” Lando continued, “but until you do so, F1 sees me as this DIVERSITY driver and almost nobody wants to ask me real questions anymore. I’m all for LGBTQ rights but c’mon… there’s more to me than thinking hot men are hot!”
Lando turned over to watch Max’s response only to find the Dutchman hunched over his phone, eyes glittering at the sight of Charles on FaceTime. That looked nice. Would he ever find love?
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September, 2022
“I understand that, without my agreement, Alpine F1 have put out a press release late this afternoon that I am driving for them next year. This is wrong and I have not signed a contract with Alpine for 2023. I will not be driving for Alpine next year.”
Oscar glanced again at his Twitter account once more before pressing send, promptly turning his notifications off, and throwing his phone across the room. His guts were home to a zoo full of butterflies and he probably wouldn’t be able to let them go until… next month? Maybe never. The F1 world was about to find out that he was turning down the French team, but they’d have to wait a bit longer before they discovered that he’d be joining the Woking-based one. All Oscar could think of, however, was how hard it would be to be Lando’s teammate. Not that he didn’t want to be near Lando, of course, but simply that being around him would be difficult.
Years later, Oscar STILL thought about Lando’s curls, his wide eyes, his childlike movements, and beads of sweat dripping and dripping down his back. He dreamed of hearing Lando’s sporadic chuckles echoing throughout the paddock. He feasted on the sight of Lando’s bare chest from behind an incognito browser. He pictured himself nuzzling into the British driver’s neck after a long qualifying, back in the comfort of their motor home.
This crush – this all encompassing, never-ending, heavy, painful, demanding crush – was going to be the death of him.