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Yunho is sprawled out on the B&B Italia leather couch in Changmin’s brand new apartment when the front door opens. He thinks the scowl he receives as a greeting is terribly undeserved.
After all, he had remembered to take off his shoes.
Changmin gives him a look then walks past him into the bedroom. A few minutes later Yunho hears a noise from the kitchen and looks up from the script he is reading to see Changmin in his pyjamas, holding two cans of beer. Changmin crosses the living room and presses one can against Yunho’s cheek before shoving Yunho’s legs out of the way and stretching out to settle himself on the other end of the couch. His pyjamas were dark blue silk, a present Yunho thinks he remembers Donghae giving him on his twentieth birthday, supposedly to ‘seduce the ladies.’ Yunho smiles widely.
‘You have a creepy smile on your face, hyung,’ Changmin tells him.
‘I was just thinking that I prefer your Hamtaro pyjamas and Pink Panther underwear,’ Yunho teases.
Changmin frowns at him; the slightest hint of a pout on his lips and Yunho couldn’t stop himself from reaching over to ruffle Changmin’s hair.
‘Hyung!’ Changmin cries, shuffling backwards until he hits the edge of the couch.
Yunho smiles fondly as he watches Changmin shake his head, letting his hair fall naturally back into place. His hair has grown longer since the initial haircut and the fringe now reached his eyes. He has always envied Changmin’s physical features; his height, his lean form and even how Changmin seemed to suit every hair style. Changmin seemed to have hated the last cut, but Yunho didn’t think it was too bad. It was like going back ten or so years, and seeing the little boy with wide eyes and funny ears all over again.
Satisfied that his hair had survived Yunho’s fingers, Changmin reaches across the couch and takes the script Yunho is reading out of his hands before settling back against the armrest.
‘Your mum asked me to try and convince you not to make any more perverted jokes on television,’ Yunho says as Changmin flips though the pages.
Changmin groans, ‘She told me that herself already.’
‘Maybe she trusts me more?’ Yunho grins at him.
‘You’ve conned her into believing that you’re the more respectable one. I’ve seen your porn collection, dear leader, and it’s more scandalous than Heechul hyung’s.’
‘Most of them belong to Heechul anyway,’ Yunho attempts his best leer, but Changmin just kicks him.
‘I thought you were good,’ Yunho says. Changmin hums in reply, but Yunho knows he is paying attention because he has stopped flipping through the script.
‘You talked more than I thought you would.’
‘I tried,’ Changmin admits, after a pause.
‘I know.’
Yunho glances at Changmin’s fingers and wonders when they had become so elegant. He remembers the fifteen year old Shim Changmin he had seen staring into space in the dance practice studio. He remembers the irritation at seeing the half-assed attempts at dancing. But then he remembers the boy who had climbed into this bed one night and asked him shyly if he would help him with dancing because he thought Yunho’s dance was very cool. He remembers feeling so proud when Changmin danced his short solo on X-man years ago, because behind those couple of minutes of performance were hours of practice in the studio, well after everyone had gone for the day. Changmin with his long and awkward limbs, and Yunho behind him clapping his hands to the rhythm, shouting BA BABA BA!, to keep him on point and on the beat.
Yunho imagines he knows how the audience of Moonlight Prince will see Changmin. Those who aren’t familiar with Choikang Changmin might find this Shim Changmin to be cute, painfully honest, and maybe even snarky and funny. He remembers saying some years ago that he couldn’t wait to see Changmin in a few years; that he believed Changmin would grow up to become a true gentleman.
Yunho suddenly wants more and more people to watch Moonlight Prince, to catch a glimpse of the Changmin that he sees. Because, yes, Changmin has perfect hair and a “cool” image, but he is so much more than that. Changmin is manly and thoughtful, the dark horse that will seemingly emerge from the shadows to steal the spotlight in an instant. But Yunho knows how hard Changmin tries; how he tries and tries until he’s practically rehearsing in his sleep. He suddenly wishes more people could see this hard working, warm-hearted side of Changmin.
‘The more you talk the easier it will become,’ Yunho says, ‘and people will love you.’
‘Right,’ Changmin says and rolls his eyes, ‘I talk and people will love me?’
‘Of course they will,’ Yunho says and he means it, ‘Because it’s you, Changmin, and you are the kindest person I know.’
Changmin stares at him for a moment and Yunho thinks he sees Changmin’s ears darken. And then a pillow is thrown at his face.
‘Oh my god, hyung,’ Changmin cries. ‘You are so embarrassing.’
Yunho nods and drinks his beer and laughs because he’s glad they can still do this. Still share space and talk and practice together, even though they don’t live under the same roof anymore.
‘What page?’ Changmin asks.
‘Fifty four. The dinner scene.’
Changmin reads the lines with him while Yunho recites his own parts, because contrary to what Heechul says, you really do need to have your lines memorised, especially when working with veteran actors. When Yunho gets frustrated at not delivering his lines correctly, Changmin would read Soo Ae’s lines in high pitched squeals until they are both laughing and Yunho feels relaxed enough to try again.
* * *
By the end of the week, however, his toothpaste looked like it was about to snap in half, he was spending more time cleaning his own mess than making it, and he had missed his morning run for five consecutive days because of poor time management.
Midway through the second week, Yunho decided it would be more fun to make a mess in Changmin’s bathroom instead.
The first night Yunho stayed over at Changmin’s new apartment, it was strangely awkward. He felt like he was intruding, even though Changmin assured him that it was nothing, that Yunho had drank too much to be driving home anyway. The spare room was not yet furnished and Yunho sat on Changmin’s designer couch wondering if Changmin would kill him if he accidentally drooled in his sleep. Yunho finally decided it was all ridiculous, he had lived with Changmin for nearly 10 years and it was really too late to worry about fixing his sleeping habits. He fell asleep quickly, and drooled with impunity.
The next morning, he heard a shout from somewhere down the hallway, ‘Hyung!’
Changmin emerged from the bathroom, a stomp in each step, ‘Did you use my toothbrush?!’
Yunho automatically held his hands up defensively, a denial on the tip of his tongue. Of course he had used Changmin’s toothbrush. There wasn’t a spare around. Changmin was waving his purple electronic toothbrush like a weapon, looking murderous. There is a buzzing sound when he accidentally hits the ON button and Yunho suddenly laughed, because the situation is so familiar and so them. He was so relieved he somehow ended up on the floor and Changmin has stopped looking like he wanted to strangle Yunho with his dental floss and was instead staring at him with an unimpressed expression as he watched Yunho laugh even harder on his newly waxed floor.
* * *
He spends the day filming and then has dinner with some friends before dropping by Changmin’s apartment on his way home. Changmin’s birthday message was 24th in his message inbox this year and Yunho thinks the brat isn’t even trying anymore. He opens Changmin’s front door with his spare key and finds Changmin on the couch reading a book, with two cans of beer on the table nearby. Yunho wonders whether he’s just that predictable or Changmin is reading his mind.
‘Hi,’ he says and takes off his shoes, ‘You were expecting me?’
‘I’m always expecting you,’ Changmin says without looking up from his book. ‘Sometimes I think you think you live here.’
‘Can’t you be nicer since it’s my birthday?’ Yunho says, somewhat irritated.
Changmin straightens up on the couch and waits until Yunho settles down on the armchair next to the coffee table. Yunho reaches for the beer and Changmin takes the remaining can for himself. There is silence while they drink.
‘Are you mad?’ Changmin speaks up.
‘Why should I be?’ Yunho asks, because he isn’t mad. Not really. ‘Maybe just a bit tired,’ he admits.
‘Ji Hye says “hi”, by the way. And so does Donghae and Siwon and just about every second person who has sent me a Happy Birthday message today.’
Changmin hums a reply, but doesn’t say anything.
‘That’s so weird,’ Yunho says. But then again his family and friends are all kind of weird and he does spend more time with Changmin than them.
‘It’s because you’re slow,’ Changmin says.
‘What do you mean, I’m - ’ Yunho starts to ask, but Changmin just shoves a carefully wrapped box at him.
Yunho holds the box and thinks it’s kind of heavy for its size. He unwraps it to find limited edition Michael Jackson CDs and takes out each one carefully, touching and admiring each individual CD. Yunho recognizes them as limited editions by the colour of the covers, and because he had once tried to search for them on the internet; but ever since the leather jacket incident when he was trainee, he has been reluctant to buy anything online.
‘Changminnie…’ he says, happy and embarrassingly choked up about the whole thing. He doesn’t know how Changmin keeps finding and giving him presents that are always priceless, special and sometimes even what Yunho had forgotten he had wanted.
‘I thought you might like them. I found them online.’
‘I do like them,’ he says, clutching the box tightly to his chest. ‘I love them.’
Changmin smiles at him, as if it was him, and not Yunho, who had just received the best birthday gift in the world.
* * *
‘This is absolutely disgusting,’ he hears Changmin say from the kitchen, ‘I’m surprised you haven’t died of food poisoning yet.’
Yunho doesn’t respond. He is in the living room mopping the floor, listening to the light creak of his own socked feet against the floorboard in between Changmin’s running commentary on how much of a mess everything was.
‘How long has this been in here? Was it even food originally?’
Yunho sighs and gives up on mopping the floor in favour of ordering delivery. He makes sure to include all of Changmin’s favourite foods in hopes that it will put the younger man in better mood. After the food arrives and they have eaten, Changmin flops onto his stomach on the couch, and lays his head on his arms.
‘Your mother is going to have a heart attack if we don’t finish cleaning by the time they get here.’
‘I know,’ Yunho groans. He gets up off the floor, climbs onto the couch where Changmin is lying and straddles his lower back. Changmin stiffens under him, so Yunho kneads his fingers into Changmin’s tight shoulder muscles.
‘I used to think that we shared household chores when we lived together… but Changminnie, you must have done more, because the apartment has turned into a complete mess without you.’
‘So now you’re making me clean up a mess that I didn’t even help to make?’
Yunho sighs, ‘I’m sorry. I know you didn’t have to help, but I’m glad you agreed to anyway.’
‘Don’t even begin to think a massage is going to cut it.’ Changmin warns, but the effect is ruined when he groans as Yunho presses down on a knot at the base of his neck.
Five minutes into the massage, Changmin’s body is fully relaxed and he is making tiny appreciative noises as Yunho concentrates on the pressure points down his back. When he thinks he hears Changmin’s breathing even out, Yunho brushes his fingers against the sides of Changmin’s body and under the t-shirt he is wearing. Changmin yelps and tries push him away, but Yunho continues to tickle him while dodging Changmin’s flying arms, which were clearly aiming at Yunho’s head. Changmin tries to complain, between forced outbursts of laughter, that Yunho should at least attempt to act his age. He then tries to throw Yunho off, but Yunho is heavier, his shoulders are wider and his arms are stronger and he pins Changmin towards his chest. Yunho briefly thinks that it’s warm and not really uncomfortable, and when they tumble onto the floor in a fit of laughter all Changmin says is:
“You should get carpet.”
* * *
New Year’s Eve dinner turns out to be an awkward affair. Ji Hye’s relationship with her boyfriend is apparently ‘serious.’ Yunho doesn’t like it. At all. Turns out his father likes it even less.
‘If it’s so serious, why isn’t he here, having New Year’s Eve dinner with us?’ his father asks.
‘Because he has his own family,’ Ji Hye says, ‘Besides, Changmin oppa isn’t here either.’
‘Wha-’ Yunho says, and drops the prawn he had picked up onto the table cloth.
‘Leave the poor boy out of this,’ his mother scolds, ‘Changmin is very busy, he deserves some time with his family.’
‘And my boyfriend doesn’t?’ Ji Hye cries.
Yunho decides not to contribute to this conversation. He isn’t even sure what is going on anymore.
‘Changmin,’ Yunho says on the phone later that night, tired but satisfied on a full stomach and smiling as he hears Changmin hum a one syllable reply.
‘I think my family thinks we’re dating or something,’ he laughs into the phone, ‘Can you believe it?’
There is some rattling in the background on the other line and Yunho thinks that maybe Changmin had fallen asleep and dropped the phone or something until he hears Changmin say, sounding slightly breathless, ‘Does that bother you?’
Yunho almost slaps a hand across his own forehead. He should have remembered that Changmin got a little strange when it came to gay rumours about them.
Yunho quickly changes the subject, ‘Have I told you about Ji Hye’s new boyfriend? She says they are in a ‘serious relationship.’ Do you think that means they’re planning to get married? Do you think Ji Hye will ever forgive me if I pay him a little visit?’
‘I’m not bailing you out of prison,’ Changmin says, ‘You’ll have to ask Boa, she’s loaded.’
* * *
‘Changminnie,’ he says slowly, accepting the small gift with both hands, ‘I didn’t get you anything. I’m sorry.’
Changmin frowns at him.
Yunho makes a helpless gesture with the purple gift in his hands and Changmin rolls his eyes.
‘It’s from one of the rookie stylists, she’s been handing them around all morning for Valentine’s Day. If you don’t want it, I’ll eat it.’
Yunho unwraps the box to find four pieces of chocolate, clearly homemade, but cut neatly into squares. He smiles at Changmin and holds the box between them.
‘We’ll share.’
They have a concert that day and Yunho soon forgets about the chocolate.
* * *
The reason he gets dumped is the same as always. He doesn’t spend enough time with her, she doesn’t feel that he cares enough - which is not fair, because his schedule is unforgiving and Yunho always makes an effort to send multiple texts a day, sometimes even with pictures of funny or interesting things he and Changmin run into during work. True, he has been spending what little free time he has between schedules working on Changmin’s birthday present, but she could have been more understanding.
He mopes around Changmin’s apartment and talks about how dating sucks until Changmin sticks the last pizza slice into his mouth. Yunho eats it in silence and then thanks Changmin because it’s not often the other man is willing to share food, especially on his birthday.
‘Sorry,’ he says, ‘Did you have plans?’
‘Not really,’ Changmin replies.
‘Not even with Kyuhyun and Minho?’
‘They’re at a bar, but I don’t feel like going.’
Yunho frowns, ‘But Changminnie, you should go. It’s your birthday.’
Changmin ignores him and holds out his hand instead. Yunho sighs and reaches into his bag for his badly wrapped present and places it in Changmin’s outstretched palm.
It’s a book. Changmin looks slightly confused, but quickly thanks him.
‘Kang Ho Dong swears that there will be an upcoming episode on it,’ Yunho says, ‘Open it.’
Changmin does, and his eyes widen at the messy scrawls on each page.
‘I read it a couple of time,’ Yunho explains, feeling himself flush a little. It seemed like such a good idea at the time. After all, Changmin’s presents were always thoughtful and personal and he just wanted to do the same.
‘I wrote down my thoughts. They may not be very clever, but I mean, it’s helpful for you to have someone else’s view on things, right? You don’t have to use any of it for the show, I’m sure you’ll have lots to say - and there’s a small smudge on page eighty seven because I was eating noodles that night -‘
‘Yunho,’ Changmin interrupts his blabbering. Yunho tries to remember the last time Changmin had called him by his name alone. He looks up to see Changmin clutching the book tightly to his chest.
‘I just feel like getting you clothes or something wouldn’t be enough,’ he admits.
‘I like it when you get me clothes,’ Changmin says, ‘But… I like this too. I like it a lot.’
‘Oh,’ Yunho says, and feels kind of extremely happy.
‘Thank you.’
They clean up the pizza boxes in silence and Yunho shoves Changmin out of his own apartment so that he could go to his own birthday party. It’s late, and the spare room finally has a bed so he settles in for the night. He receives a call from Kyuhyun at some unfortunate hour in the morning informing him that his ‘wife’ was drunk and can Yunho please come pick him up because Changmin is boring them all to death by talking about how much he loves books.
* * *
They chat about Changmin’s variety show, about how Changmin makes the most inappropriate comments on national television sometimes, and about Sooyeon’s studies abroad.
‘I’m sorry to just drop by like this. I just don’t feel like going home right now.’
‘Don’t be sorry,’ Yunho laughs, ‘You’re cooking me dinner.’
Yunho stands around a little awkwardly. Sooyeon looks a little upset, but he doesn’t want to pry. In the end he decides to ask her if anything was wrong.
‘It’s stupid, really, I don’t even know why I was so upset over not getting chocolate today. I mean lots of people forget about White Day.’
‘White Day?’ Yunho asks.
‘Ah,’ Sooyeon sighs ‘You forgot too, right? Men are so hopeless sometimes.’
Yunho suddenly remembers the chocolate that he and Changmin shared on Valentine’s Day. He didn’t even ask which stylist they were from.
‘You can still go and buy some chocolate now. It’s not too late,’ Sooyeon is saying, ‘I think there is still some wrapping paper left in the drawer here, but you should probably buy your own, otherwise, it would be too obvious.’
Yunho is confused by her words, but he opens the drawer she is pointing to anyway. Purple wrapping paper and a roll of blue ribbon stare back at him from the drawer and Yunho suddenly feels his stomach drop.
‘Sooyeon,’ he says, quietly, ‘I…’
‘Huh?’ She asks as she dishes the pasta.
‘Sooyeon, the chocolates were really delicious.’ Yunho feels more awful with every word that comes out of his mouth, but he has to do this carefully, or Changmin may kill him.
‘Oh,’ she says absently, ‘Thanks. Glad you liked them.’
‘Sooyeon.. I… I really like you, you know?’ Yunho feels himself starting to sweat, he usually doesn’t start sweating until the third song in concerts. ‘But you are like a little sister to me.’
He tries to maintain eye contact, to let her know that he is taking her feelings seriously, but it is hard to do when she's gaping at him.
‘Are you serious?’ she asks.
‘Sooyeon,’ Yunho says, terrified at the thought that he could be breaking her heart, ‘I’m so sorry.’
‘You’re sorry about what?’ a new voice asks from the doorway and Yunho turns around to find Changmin staring at them. He feels like letting the ground swallow him up. If only the end of the world theory had been correct.
‘Oppa!’ Sooyeon cries, ‘Why didn’t you tell him? You’re screwing everything up!’
Was Changmin supposed to have told him that Sooyeon had made those chocolates for him? Yunho holds onto the kitchen table, because he is really starting to freak out now. Changmin is definitely going to kill him for breaking his little sister’s heart and Yunho doesn’t even have anything to say in his own defence.
Sooyeon looks at Yunho, then Changmin, and shakes her head. ‘I’m out. You fix this, oppa,” Sooyeon says to Changmin.
She walks out of the kitchen, and Yunho hears the front door open and close a few minutes later.
Maybe Changmin is going to threaten him and make him promise to stay away from his sister? Not that Yunho had any intention of dating Sooyeon in the first place. Then he remembered her parting words to Changmin, You fix this. Oh god, Yunho thinks, placing his face in his hands, what if Changmin wants him to get together with his sister?
‘Stop freaking out, hyung,’ Changmin says, ‘It’s not like that.’
Changmin looks flushed, Yunho notes. Maybe he really is mad.
‘She was making chocolates for her boyfriend and they weren’t turning out so well, so I ended up helping her. There were some extra pieces left over, and I gave them to you. Don’t think anything weird, okay?’
Yunho stares at him.
‘Boyfriend?’
‘Huh?’ Changmin blinks at him and then nods, ‘Yeah, the one who came back here with her on this trip. I think she is planning to introduce him to my parents this weekend or something.’
‘Sooyeon… is not in love with me?’ Yunho asks, a little dazed.
‘What are you talking about?’
‘Oh my god, Changminnie,’ Yunho cries out in relief and grabs Changmin by his shoulders. ‘I was so scared Sooyeon was in love with me or something. I thought you were going to kill me.’
There is a pause where Changmin just stares at him with wide eyes. Then he kicks Yunho out of his apartment.
* * *
He parks on the side of the road to avoid causing a major traffic accident.
What scares him the most isn’t the very real possibility that Changmin may have … feelings for him, it’s the fact that Yunho isn’t freaking out about the possibility that Changmin may have feelings for him. He tries to imagine them in relationship and ends up laughing hysterically because his family and friends seem to think they are already in a relationship of some kind. He isn’t laughing because it’s funny, no, but the hysteria bubbles away inside him until he clenches the steering wheel for support. His chest aches to even think about how he might have hurt Changmin in any way, even if unintentionally, and he sobers up instantly, and heads back to Changmin immediately.
When he arrives back at the apartment, he finds Changmin sitting at the kitchen table poking at the plate of pasta Sooyeon made earlier. Yunho feels a lump in his throat just from looking at him.
‘You know,’ Yunho begins, ‘People, including our family and friends mind you, think that we are… you know?’
‘No, I don’t know,’ Changmin says, his voice sounding oddly detached. If he’s surprised that Yunho’s back, he isn’t showing it.
‘They think…they think that we are… together together.’
There is a brief pause, but then Changmin turns to face him and says, ‘You don’t have to mind what other people think.’
He can’t explain the disappointment that hits him at Changmin’s answer. Maybe he had misunderstood. Again. Yunho is trying to read Changmin’s closed expression when he notices that Changmin is not looking at him, he’s staring somewhere into the space above Yunho’s left shoulder and his fingers are fidgeting against his sleeves, a nervous gesture Yunho knows well.
‘I don’t mind,’ he says hurriedly, staring at Changmin.
‘You don’t mind?’
‘No.’
Changmin straightens up and moves around Yunho, towards the door. “Alright then,” Changmin says and it feels like the end of the conversation, only Yunho still has so many things he wants to say, to ask - so many things he wants to hear from Changmin.
‘No, I mean, I don’t mind what people think, but I do mind about us, you know? I mind because you are important to me, Changminnie…” He runs a hand through his hair and has to stop himself from pulling on it in frustration.
Changmin smiles when he says, ‘Yes, I know that.’ But it’s obvious to Yunho that his smile is strained. Yunho stares at his eyes until Changmin looks away. Then he is walking away, away from Yunho, and Yunho feels like a failure at the Korean language because he can’t seem to say anything right, even though what he wants to say to Changmin is really quite simple.
‘What I mean is,’ he tries again, ‘What I mean is that… Changminnie, I wouldn’t mind it if they are right. I wouldn’t mind it at all, actually.’
‘Oh,’ Changmin says, and he doesn’t say anything else. But his eyes are really mismatched now and Yunho reaches for his hand and pulls him close until he can feel Changmin’s lips brush across his skin as he calls him an idiot and until he can feel Changmin’s smile against his neck.
* * *
‘Oh,’ Donghae says, ‘That’s nice.’
They walk away together, but not before he hears Kyuhyun say:
‘Say “hi” to Changmin for me.’