Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Kris was exhausted. They had been sleeping throughout all of class, their head rested against the hard wooden desk, the only thing supporting them being a measly notebook.

They hadn’t been getting the best of sleep recently. When did they ever?

They knew class had ended long ago but Susie was still in the room, wasn’t she? They could feel her hovering over them, gentle sniffs tickling their neck. She was sniffing them. One of the more harmless things she had ever done.

After a moment, a screeching sound came from the other side of the room, although curious, they didn’t care enough to look up. It sounded like table legs scraping against the floor.

“Hey idiot.” Susie’s voice rang out.

Kris didn’t look up. They knew how bright the classroom lights would be.

“HEY IDIOT!”

Wow she was pissed. But they were so comfy.

“KRIS!”

At least now they could be sure that Susie was definitely talking to them. Not like there was anyone else in the room. Or any other idiots for that matter.

They reluctantly sat up, their neck twinging from being in such an awkward position for so long. They could feel how disgustingly exhausted they looked.

Susie scoffed and rolled her eyes, bearing her sharp, yellow teeth.

“Nice shampoo. Apple flavour, right?” Susie smirked, holding up an apple that Kris presumed to have been sitting on Alphys’ desk “Better be careful about wearing that around me.”

Kris watched as Susie bit into the apple, splitting it in half. They weren’t too impressed however, she did have a massive jaw.

“Keep smelling like apples…you might end up like this.”

They just stared at her, almost trying to get themselves to be intimidated.

“Bitten…” Susie continued, digging a claw into the flesh of the apple “In half.”

Wow, her insults have definitely been lacking recently. It almost made them laugh, the stupid smug look on her face as she chewed the apple.

There was an awkward pause.

Kris couldn’t take it anymore, snickering under their breath. Were they supposed to be threatened by this?

Susie had definitely heard them however and launched the apple in their direction.

But Kris, their hands still laying on the notebook they fell asleep on, used it to shield themselves, the apple bouncing up into the air. And then…they caught it.

Then they got an idea. Something to really piss Susie off.

They looked from Susie to the apple and took a bite out of it.

And pissed she was.

“You little!-“

Susie jumped off of the table she was perched on and ran over to Kris. She grabbed onto their hair tight, tilting their head so she could look into their eyes.

Kris could feel her nails digging into their scalp. She was getting the ball rolling now. And Kris didn’t mind. They were enthused in a twisted sort of way.

It hurt them. It’s what they deserved.

“One day, your mom’s gonna get sick of you, you little freak,” Susie growled into their ear “And as soon as that happens…”

Susie let out a bitter laugh. Kris winced.

“Someone might make you disappear. And she’ll finally realise how happy she was without you.”

She paused, as if waiting for them to react, to deny what she was saying or sob or cry or anything at all. But they didn’t say anything. Their expression barely changed.

“SAY SOMETHING YOU IDIOT!!!” Susie shouted, shaking them roughly.

Susie stood face to face with Kris, her chest heaving up and down as her heart pumped faster.

Then, they opened their mouth to speak. Their voice was hoarse like they hadn’t talked in days.

“Please…“ they mumbled “Just do it.”

Suddenly Susie’s eyes widened in horror. Kris expected her to scoff or call them a freak but they didn’t predict her looking so shocked. Her hands immediately unclasped from around their hair staggering away from them. Then, Susie sprinted out the classroom, not once looking back.

Kris just stood there, a little dazed.

She was so close, so close to opening her jaw and just ripping off their whole face. It would’ve benefited her, benefited them, benefited everyone.

Why didn’t she do it?

Chapter Text

It was 2 weeks before summer vacation. Although Kris would frequently show their dislike for school, they were dreading the summer. Originally, they were excited. Asriel was finally coming home. But what would they do once he left? They’d be burnt out, staring up at their bedroom ceiling as they wallowed in self pity. Then school would start again. They wouldn’t be well adjusted. They would spend their summer doing nothing and come back to school feeling more shitty than ever.

Kris stood outside the classroom door, preparing to go in. They opened the door to their classroom, there was always a little chatter going on before Miss Alphys came in. They walked over to their seat, trying to make sure Noelle wouldn’t notice their arrival. She was far too overly nice to them. Although, she was nice to everyone. Maybe they were overthinking things. They did that a lot.

“Hey, do you need a pencil?” Noelle Holiday’s voice rang out through the air. Nobody answered her.

Her head was turned around, facing the back of the classroom, right in Kris’s direction. Oh, she was talking to them.

They took their pencil out of their pocket, holding it up for Noelle to see before shaking their head. Noelle gave them a soft smile before turning back around.

Kris let out a breath they didn’t even realise they were holding, glad that she had finished talking to them.

It’s not that Kris didn’t like Noelle. It was just far too awkward to talk to her after everything…

After Dess…

They didn’t want to think about it right now.

They blinked and tried to escape their own thoughts for a second.

Alphys hurried into the classroom, out of breath and red in the face. Thank god for a distraction.

“S-sorry I’m late! I was just…um…missed…my bus. Yeah.”  Alphys panted, seemingly trying to make up an excuse for her students, even though she definitely didn’t owe them one.

“Anyway,” She continued, putting her bag and books down “W-we’ll just be continuing in our books from where we left off yesterday  morning. Would, um, anyone like to read out loud for everyone?”

Kris let out an annoyed sigh as they took their book out from underneath their desk. This was the question Kris had been dreading. And they knew exactly who would be the one to answer that question.

“I will gladly take up on that offer, Miss Alphys!” A snivelling voice rang out in the classroom.

Kris found Berdly to be the most irritating person in class. Maybe even the most irritating person they had ever met, often going on tangents about unrelated topics and talking very highly about himself and his “gaming skills.”

“A-hem!” Berdly said, clearing his throat and standing out of his chair.

As he opened his mouth to speak, the door slammed open, making the class go completely silent and surprising Berdly into dropping his book to the floor. He gave a glare when he noticed who was standing there.

“H-hi Susie…” Alphys mumbled nervously to the reptilian girl in the doorway.

Susie. She had been Kris’ tormenter for the past 3 months, ever since she joined their school. Her appearance was intimidating. She was twice their size, in both height and width. Her hair was like a mop on her head, covering her eyes and sticking out in all directions. Kris wasn’t exactly sure what species she was, but they believed her to be a dinosaur or maybe some sort of Komodo dragon with a giant maw and sharp, yellow teeth.

“Am I late?”

“Ohh, n-no! You’re fine!” the teacher stuttered “W-we were just, uh…continuing with our novel.”

“Great.”

Susie lingered in the doorway for a few seconds, leaving an awkward silence throughout the whole room. Eventually she made her way to her desk, her hands tucked into her pockets. Kris could hear her head bang against the desk softly. She’d often sleep through class, similarly to them. Either that or she’d subtly kick their desk all lesson. Not enough to hurt or for anyone to notice, but just enough to drive them crazy.

Kris watched as Berdly began to recover and clear his throat once more, this time actually continuing with his boring recital of the book. They picked at the skin around their nails, trying to pay attention to anything but the dull drone around them.

Suddenly they felt a pencil hit the back of their head, flinching as it did so. They didn’t even need to look round to know who it was, but they did anyway. Susie was lying down on the desk a smug smile on her face. She gave them a condescending wave, mouthing one word as she did so.

Freak.

It didn’t pack much impact anymore. She’d use it frequently. Although they’d flinch a little when the word was used by anybody else.

Kris turned back around, looking down at the book, reading ahead of where Berdly was reciting.

“O-Okay, why don’t we stop there and analyse some quotes…I’ll just need to write them on the board.” Alphys smiled, awkwardly interrupting Berdly, she went to grab something and then her face fell slightly. “Uh…has anyone seen the chalk? This is the third time it’s gone missing and… you know I have nothing else to write with.”

“Hey, there might be a box in the supply closet.” Noelle chirped. “Miss Alphys, why don’t Susie and I-“

“G-good idea, Noelle!” Alphys interrupted “Susie, s-since you came in last, why don’t you go get it for me?”

“Whatever…” Susie grumbled, getting out of her chair and sauntering over to the door, slamming it shut behind her as she left.

“And K-Kris, can you go with her and make sure she, um, actually gets it?” Alphys stuttered “And, um, stays out of trouble?”

Kris gave Miss Alphys a nod before begrudgingly standing up and out of their seat. They made their way to the door, twisting the handle and trekking down the hallway which seemed to go on forever, knowing who was waiting for them at the end of it.

They reached the supply closet, the door slightly askew before walking inside it. Everything was dark. Susie hadn’t turned the light on. At first glance, the closet seemed to go on forever. It gave Kris a weird vibe, almost like some strange kind of deja vu.

But that feeling disappeared when they turned on the light and saw Susie standing in the closet, a white powder around her mouth. Chalk? Susie had eaten the missing chalk. They looked away, pretending they hadn’t seen her.

“Oh…you’re here.” Susie grumbled “Guess Alphys didn’t trust an ass like me being here by myself, huh?”

Kris didn’t say anything, trying desperately to not look down round her mouth where the chalky powder lay. Eventually their eyes almost subconsciously moved towards her lips.

“What are you staring at, huh?” Susie spat, before wiping her mouth with her sleeve, seemingly realising the powder that stuck to it.

“Oh you think I ate that chalk, didn’t you?” she growled, walking closer to them in the cramped closet. “Great job Kris. You figured it out. You gonna snitch to Alphys?”

Susie pitched her voice up, poorly imitating Kris.

“Oh, Miss Alphys, Miss Alphys!” she mocked “Susie was eating all of the chalk! Can’t we just expel her already for damaging school property? These past months have been horrifying!”

Susie scoffed, grabbing onto Kris’ jumper with her right hand, tugging it gently. Their eyes widened. It was one thing to have Susie harass them in a room full of people and another for the two of them to be alone.

“I don’t think you’d be able to say that many words anyway.” Susie growled, her voice back to its normal, gravely tone. “You think you’re so smart, keeping your stupid mouth shut, don’t you? Well, freak, let me tell you a secret.”

She leaned her face in towards theirs before tightening the grip on their sweater, and pushing them back roughly, right into a shelf. Kris winced as the wood dug into the back of their head.

But suddenly, they began to hear the shelf creaking just above them. Susie’s eyes widened and she let go of Kris suddenly, making them sink down to the floor.

CRASH!

The whole shelf just fell from the impact, landing directly onto Kris, making them shriek out in surprise.

“Oh, shit!” Susie gasped, staggering backwards.

Everything that had sat on the shelf previously was now scattered on the floor, a few dusty mugs shattered, pencils had fallen out of pencil pots and a box of chalk, contents of which had been completely emptied. Kris winced, standing up and out of the pile of rubble. Their neck really hurt. So they went to rub it with their hand.

It was wet. They look down at their hand. It was covered in a small layer of blood. On the floor was a shard of ceramic, also coloured the same shade as red as their hand. One of the mugs must’ve fallen on their neck. They wiped their soaked hand against their sweater and went to pick up all the tiny pieces of chalk with their other hand.

Kris looked over at Susie from the floor. She actually looked pretty anxious at the sight of the broken shelf, fidgeting with her fingers.

“Fuck, what are we gonna do?” she muttered, more to herself than to Kris “I’m gonna get in so much shit for this.”

Then her expression hardened, her voice going quiet.

“Kris. You’re gonna give me the chalk, go to the bathroom and clean yourself up while I go back to class and you’re gonna tell no one about this, got it? Especially not your mom. They don’t have to know it was us. Could’ve been anyone. Nobody looks in this stupid closet anyway.”

Kris nodded, passing the box of chalk to Susie who impolitely snatched it off of them.

Susie turned off the light and the two walked out of the supply closet, Susie marching off to class while Kris walked in the direction of the disabled toilet. They locked the door behind them staring at their neck, coated in blood. It wasn’t too bad, not hitting any large veins but it was definitely still sore. They pulled out a bunch of paper towels out of the dispenser, pressing them to their neck.

They thought about the look on Susie’s face after the shelf had fallen down. She didn’t just look surprised, she looked anxious, afraid even. Maybe she was anxious of getting in trouble. Afraid of being expelled. Kris pitied her in some strange sense. They weren’t too sure why. Susie was a bully, she’d push them in the hallways, call them a freak and threaten to bite their face off. Maybe that’s why they pitied her.

Kris knew that if the two left it, Susie would be blamed once it was eventually found. There was no-one else in school that had a violent nature similar to Susie’s. She’d probably be expelled. She was this close as it is. The thought of this made Kris upset. Honestly, they liked having Susie around.

She was there to remind them every day of what they truly were and how everyone really thought of them.

Kris pulled the blood soaked paper towels off of their neck and watched as the blood slowly disappeared, leaving just red stained skin behind. They threw them in the trash and unlocked the door, heading in the direction of the classroom where their mother was teaching.

←• - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - •→

Susie was in the principal’s office, alone with Ms Toriel. About 30 minutes after the whole shelf incident, she had dropped by her classroom to come talk to her privately. Kris hadn’t come back to class after they went to the bathroom. At first she assumed that they had been cleaning off blood or searching around for plasters or something. But now she knew that Kris had snitched on her and went crying to their mom.

“I didn’t do it.” Susie mumbled, leaning back in her chair, her arms folded.

“Yes, I’m aware, Susie,” Toriel replied, her hands resting on her desk “I’m just here to check you’re alright. Kris told me everything already.”

Susie blinked in surprise. Were they talking about the same thing?

“Although I thought what they did was a little stupid, I’m glad they were honest with me.” Toriel continued “That’s not to say they’re going without punishment. They’re fixing the shelf as we speak.”

Oh this was about the shelf. Then why was Toriel’s idea of what had happened so different?

“And Kris told you…?”

“Kris told me that Miss Alphys had sent you out to grab chalk in the supply closet and that they had climbed on top of the shelves to reach it. It came crashing down of course.” Toriel replied before raising an eyebrow “Unless that’s not what happened?”

Susie was so confused. Why on earth would Kris lie? If she were Kris being tormented she would’ve been happy to see herself expelled. But they must’ve lied for a reason, maybe they were planning something. Or maybe they were sucking up to her. Neither option really sounded like Kris.

She wasn’t smart enough to figure anything out.

“No, no, that’s what happened.” Susie lied, mumbling slightly. “I was just wondering if Kris had told the truth about it, y’know?”

Toriel nodded.

“And you’re okay, yes?” she asked “I brought you in here to make sure you didn’t have any injuries like Kris did.”

“No, ma’am.”

Ma’am? Why would she call Toriel ma’am? What a gross suck up.

“That’s good.” Toriel smiled gently. “You should get back to class.”

Susie stood up out of her chair, giving Toriel a nod as she looked down at her feet.

“Yes, I will.”

God, she probably looks so pathetic right now. She should lean over and kiss Toriel’s ass just for good measure.

Susie hurried out of the office and in the direction of the supply closet where inside Kris was using a screwdriver to fix the shelf that had fallen. She grabbed onto their shoulder, spinning them around.

“What kind of game do you think you’re playing?” She growled “You didn’t need to suck up to me, idiot! Why would you lie?”

This was better. Now she was acting strong.

But Kris just gave her a shrug and went back to fixing the shelf.

Susie let out an irritated sigh and let go of their shoulder, turning around to move.

“Y’know, if you wanted me to lay off a little, you could have just said,” she grumbled “I don’t need you playing the hero for me.”

“I don’t think you should be expelled.”

Susie turned back around.

“W-what?” she spluttered.

This was the second time she had ever heard Kris speak. And both of the times were to talk to her? Honestly she wished they would talk more. It would make them much less of a freak. And she sort of liked the sound of it.

What the fuck? Why was she thinking such disgusting things? Such a weirdo.

“If you’re gonna, do what you do…” Kris said, the quiet mumbling in their voice definitely showing “…just keep quiet about it and you’ll probably be fine.”

“Tch, whatever.” she muttered, making her way to the doorway without looking back again.

She couldn’t understand why but for some reason, she felt bad. Really bad.

Susie closed the door behind her.

Chapter Text

Kris was sitting in their mother’s car, on their way back from school. Their mother always drove really slow.

“Are you wanting to visit your father today?” asked Toriel.

Kris shook their head. They were planning on visiting their father on Friday. It was sort of like their ritual they’d carry out every week. On Fridays, them and their Dad would plant some new flowers in his shop, after thirty minutes they’d stop for tea before their Dad took them out to the diner. They’d always order a chocolate ice cream topped with hot fudge and desiccated coconut.

It was always the same and that’s what made it nice. It gave them some routine in their painfully boring life.

Toriel parked outside of her house, opening the car door for her child.

“Now, I’m not exactly sure how else I am to punish you for breaking that shelf,” She sighed, pulling her keys out of her purse to unlock the front door. “Originally I was going to ground you but it’s not like you leave your room most days anyway. Honestly Kris, you should know better.”

Kris didn’t think they did know better. It sounds like something they would’ve done, especially when they were younger. Maybe they would’ve climbed that shelf if they were the only one in the supply closet.

“You’ll go to bed early tonight,” Toriel said, as she took her shoes off in the doorway. “Maybe tomorrow night as well. I’ll be taking your phone off of you too.”

Their mom held her hand out expectantly so Kris took their phone out of their pocket and handed it to their mother.

Kris walked out of the living room and up the stairs to their bedroom. They walked to their bed, lying on their side, staring at the trophies, certificates and decorations on their brother’s side of the room. It looked so beautiful and colourful compared to their side. Their side…

…just looked grey. Depressing. Empty.

They had always known that Asriel was the favourite child, even when they were a kid. Asriel would do better in tests, go to after school clubs and would sing in church. Kris used to perform in church too but when Asriel left they stopped going. Asriel was better anyway.  Kris would shout the lyrics instead of sing them, and when told to quiet down they would mumble. There was no in between. With Asriel however, Father Alvin would always ask him to sing solo, his youthful, high voice always echoing beautifully in the empty room. Even when his voice deepened at 14, he still sounded angelic, turning into a gorgeous sounding baritone.

Around this time was when Kris asked to play piano at services instead. No-one outside of their family even noticed, apart from Noelle who told them they should perform more.

Meanwhile Asriel of course was showered with praise. Kris never blamed him though. He was smart, funny, caring and kind. Anything you could want in a child. But Kris was stupid, antisocial, distant and irritating. The only thing they were good at was piano. Everyone knew that. Some talents are supposed to remain a secret so when you unveil them to everyone else you’re constantly reminded of how incredible you are. But how can you have that while you’re good at one thing? Everyone sees you perform once and they get bored after you tell them you don’t have anything else to offer.

Not only did Asirel have everything, he just fit in. He was a monster. Kris was a human. They didn’t fit in. It felt like their whole life, everyone was always trying to be overly nice with them, like they were treading on eggshells with every word they uttered. It was sickening. They knew they would never be their parents' child because they were human. Not only that but they were Kris. Weak, pathetic Kris.

They sometimes wondered what it would be like to be like Asriel. They got up out of their bed, and lay in his. They closed their eyes. It was warm.

←• - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - •→

Susie took off her coat for the first time in a while. It was getting far too hot outside. She tied it round her waist and made her way from school without a backpack. She tried to ignore the small children outside of the school gates being picked up by smiling parents.

“Dad, stop it!” She heard a little rabbit girl cry as her father wiped stains off of her cheeks while her older sister giggled “You’re so annoying!”

Susie held her head down low as she walked through the huddle of kids and guardians. Her apartment wasn’t too far away from the school. She didn’t have much to walk.

The girl reached the red front door of her complex and opened the door. The lock was broken and the landlord hadn’t bothered to fix it. She scaled up the stairs, a growing sense of dread within her. When she reached her floor, she could hear music playing from the inside of her house. She groaned. It was 3:45 on a Tuesday for god’s sake. She took a breath and opened the door.

The loud music swirled around Susie as she saw her mother perched on the couch. She knew that she was intoxicated purely from the outfit she was wearing. A dark blue corset top paired with pyjama pants. Today in the replacement of her father was a man she had never seen before. It wasn’t hard to figure out what they’d been up to considering the red smeared around his mouth. They were giggling and laughing hysterically before the woman noticed her daughter in the doorway. The man sitting next to her tilted his glasses as downward as if to inspect the girl.

“Jen, Is this your daughter?” he asked. He was much more sober than her mother.

“Oh yes!” The woman exclaimed, standing up and stumbling slightly as she walked over to her child, wrapping her arms around her.

Susie felt uncomfortable. It was already boiling outside and the added warmth of her mother’s sweaty, drunken embraces made her want to crawl out of her skin. She began to grit her teeth.

“This is Suzanne,” Jenna mused, her voice slurring “My beautiful little Susie.”

“I can definitely see where she gets her looks from.”

Susie recoiled at the man’s words. She crawled out of her mother’s grip and looked down at the floor, her expression not wavering. Not even her mother could let her feel weak. She was strong.

Jenna picked up the vodka off of the table, holding it out for her underage daughter.

“Here, you can have some if you want sweetheart…” she muttered, a lazy smile on her face as her eyes unfocused.

Susie shook her head rapidly, pushing her mother’s outstretched hands away.

“No, mom, I’m alright….” she mumbled, pushing past her and into the kitchen.

Susie was starving. She hadn’t eaten anything since yesterday morning. But it never bothered her. She didn’t let it bother her. She was tough. She could probably go weeks without eating if she tried.

The fridge was empty apart from a jar of mustard and a six pack of beer. There wasn’t anything in the cupboards. She didn’t need to check, Susie already knew there wasn’t.

“Mom, I’m hungry.” Susie called out through the doorway.

She frowned when she noticed her mother sitting on the lap of this stranger, making out with him.

Her mom didn’t hear her due to the music blaring so loud. Susie’s eye twitched.

“Mom!”

Jenna stopped her disgustingly passionate kissing to turn around to look at her daughter.

“What is it sweetheart?” she smiled almost giddily.

“Um, there’s no food.”

The man under her mother gave Susie a frown, it almost felt patronising. She tried not to sneer at him.

“Oh, you poor girl.” he said before taking his wallet out of his pocket, struggling slightly due to the weight on top of him. He ushered Susie towards him and when she walked over, he slapped a 5 dollar bill in her hand.

“For you sweetheart. Don’t spend it all on junk.” he said with a wink.

“Umm…thanks.” she muttered, taking the cash from the man and walking towards the doorway. She didn’t look back at him as opened and closed the front door.

“Perv.” she muttered under her breath.

After she trekked down the stairwell and eventually made her way outside, she let out an irritated sigh. Her mom just wouldn’t stop, would she?

She’d been doing this for two years. Drinking, bringing home strangers, being the stranger brought home. The latter was definitely the better option. It meant that she didn't need to face her mother hungover the next morning. Sometimes she’d even go out to casinos in the city, even though she definitely did not have the money for it. She didn’t even know what her mother got an income doing. She didn’t know if she had a job or was just mooching off strangers.

It’s not that she didn’t love her mother, of course she did. But, god, she could just be so infuriating.

Susie walked along the street, in the direction of a convenience store. She could still see kids walking with backpacks on their backs. Maybe they had after school clubs on. She recognised two of them as kids in her class. One of them was Jockington, a snake boy she pitied due to having such an awful name and the other was Noelle, a timid deer girl who she knew was friends with Kris. Well, she didn’t entirely know if they were friends but they were at least friendly with one another.

Did Kris even have any friends? Everyone was often nice to them but they often seemed to be alone. Maybe that was why they lied to their mom about the shelf.

Maybe they wanted to be friends with her.

…

That might have been the stupidest thought she’d ever had.

If they really wanted friends, then why come to her? They already had plenty of people around who were kind to them. She was a complete and utter dick to them. Why her?

She couldn’t think of any reason for Kris to lie. It didn’t make sense and she just couldn’t understand. Kris was odd. Nothing they did ever made any sense.

She reached the convenience store, swinging the front door open.

“hey.” The cashier grinned. It was almost creepy how he never stopped smiling.

“Hey…” Susie murmured before picking up a loaf of bread and a jar of peanut butter off of the shelves. She’d probably have enough for some instant noodles too, right? She began to count the price of all the items on her fingers, struggling slightly.

She was 20 cents over.

It would probably be fine not paying for one thing, right? She subtly stuffed the jar of peanut butter into her shockingly large pocket and walked towards the counter, trying to act nonchalant as she sat down the noodles and white bread.

“hm, you sure that’s all you’re buying?” the skeleton at the register asked, tilting his head slightly. His grin never wavered.

“Um, yeah.” Susie mumbled, fiddling with her hoodie strings.

“hey kid, can i try something?”

She eyed him suspiciously.

“As long as you don’t pull anything stupid.”

“nah don’t worry. it’s just a simple magic trick.”

Susie didn’t trust this guy but she’d look suspicious if she said no.

“Err, okay…”

“alright, so i’m gonna take your three items and hold them in my arms.”

“Three?” Susie asked slightly nervously.

“i said two.”

The skeleton took the food off of the counter as he described and held them in his bony arms.

“okay, now pick a number between one and fifty.”

“Um, forty six?”

“forty six. cool. alright, now close your eyes and give me the money for your items.”

Susie had never been more confused but she did as he said, placing the money on the counter with her eyes shut. She looked like a complete idiot. Imagine if another monster had walked in the store in the middle of this? She could hear their snickers already.

She heard the opening of a cash register before the items were forced back into her arms. There was an awkward silence.

“Hey, can I open my eyes now?” The reptilian asked.

No response. Susie opened her eyes, and he was gone. She was holding all of her food and the five dollar bill she had given to him was sitting on top of the loaf of bread.

“Umm, skeleton dude?” she called out.

No response. He had completely disappeared.

Now, Susie didn’t typically steal but this didn’t really feel like stealing. Honestly, he probably was giving this to her. But she’d rather convince herself she was stealing it than be pitied by this stranger. If there was one thing she hated it was people pitying her. It made her feel weak and if there was one thing she wasn’t, it was weak.

The monster sprinted out of the store, not in the direction back home but rather to the lakeside. She was trying to put off going back home as much as possible. She wasn’t trying to stick around to listen what her mom and that stranger would get up to.

Susie quickly ran out of breath from the running.

She was tired already? She only just started running. Such a weakling.

She ran faster. She could feel a stitch forming in her side.

That’s what she got for being so fat.

She ran faster. She was stumbling over her feet now.

God, had she never run before? You’d guess so, flailing around like some toddler.

She approached the lakeside. She was forced to slow down. Her body was already covered in sweat and she felt sick due to running without any food in her stomach. It made her want to scream. It felt like every little thing she felt was all over her body. And she’d feel it really loud.

Susie sat down at the lakeside. She was so tired. Not that she’d let anyone see. She was also hungry. Maybe she could make a peanut butter sandwich. Although, she didn’t have anything to spread it with. Eh, she’d use her fingers.

Susie let out a sigh and took the jar out of her pocket and began to unscrew the lid. Then, she noticed something poking out from underneath.

There were four pieces of cash. Two twenty dollar bills, a five dollar and a one dollar bill.

They added up to 46 dollars.

“Huh.” Susie mumbled.

Chapter Text

It was Friday and Susie was early for school for the first time in…well ever. It wasn’t just a little early. The  morning was still premature. She could still see the pink of the sky, the sun only halfway up towards its usual place on the horizon. It was about six o’clock when she left. School didn’t start until around 8 so she had a bit of time to kill. She wandered around Hometown, making her way towards the church. She liked the stained glass windows. 

Getting up had been a bitch. Usually she’d be awake by what she assumed to be around 5am from the sound of her mother coming back from clubbing, which she did almost every night without fail. She never got the best sleep, her brain always seemed to be a little hyperactive. But her bed was far too warm to get out of which is usually why she stayed. But this morning, her brain was a lot more hyper than it typically was. She was just so curious. Curious about Kris. In recent days, she had stopped tormenting them.

Well it wasn’t like a direct decision. She was ignoring them if anything, it definitely was not like the two were friends. God, Could you imagine, Kris and Susie, best of friends? She tried to picture it, so she could amuse herself with the thought,  but she didn’t exactly know what best friends did. Or what it was like to have one.

Susie stood in front of the church building, taking in the beautiful architecture and the colourful glass. She peeked through the pink glass, staring at all the pews inside.

She had been avoiding them like the plague for the past few days. If Kris would walk past her in the halls, Susie would hang her head low. If Alphys would call on Kris to answer a question, Susie would stay quiet. And if she noticed Kris sleeping after class, Susie would just leave with everyone else.

The girl opened the double doors to the church. She had never actually been in before. There were a bunch of candles there with the names of people in town engraved into the wax. She rummaged around, before finding a candle that was covered in dust. She didn’t even know candles could pick up dust. She looked at the name on it. Dess. She didn’t know anyone called Dess.

She was actually starting to feel bad whenever she was around Kris. The way they had looked at her after they had retrieved the chalk, describing how she could continue to bully them in secret, made her ill. They seemed almost eager for her torment, she could see past the dead look in their eyes. And it made her feel terrible. Obviously against her will. The only thing she believed she was getting from sympathising with them was a blow for her reputation. Not that she had much of a reputation. Nobody really paid attention to her anyway.

Susie held the candle in her hand for a number of seconds before she watched as the door directly in front of her began to open, revealing a tortoise dressed in some sort of religious attire. Susie’s eyes widened and as the man opened his mouth to speak with a smile on his face, she had begun to run away. She’d spend the rest of the morning by the lake instead.

She was baffled. She wanted to know why Kris did what they did, taking the fall for something that they didn’t do. Even if that meant asking them. Because who else was going to give her an explanation?

That’s why she was out early. She wanted to catch Kris before lessons started to ask them about it. Was she dreading it? Of course she was. Her social skills were awful. She looked a freak half the time she conversed with anyone. She was a freak.

Eventually, she came into school early, standing outside the classroom, waiting for Kris. She got a few odd looks from her classmates but she just bared her teeth at any that stared too long.

Eventually, she saw the human parting with their mother and walking along the hallway. As they went to open the door, Susie put a hand on their shoulder, turning them to face her.

“Kris, can I, uh, talk to you?” she asked begrudgingly.

If she was gonna ask such a dumb question, she at least needed to be less of a wimp about it. She folded her arms and loomed over Kris, trying to make herself look more intimidating.

Kris looked up at her, nodding. Susie walked away from the door, further into the hallway.

“I’m still confused. Like, why’d you lie to your mom about the shelf thing?” she mumbled “Not that I really care it’s just…you’re not supposed to do that. You’re not supposed to just let me, y’know…do whatever.”

Silence.

“C’mon, dude, just tell me.”

Kris shrugged.

“God, you’re just so weird!” Susie exclaimed, dumbfounded. “I can’t tell if you’re trying to kiss my ass to get me to stop bullying you or if you want me to keep going with this!”

Kris just stayed quiet. Susie sighed.

“Fine then. If you’re not going to say anything, then don’t.” She grumbled, pushing past them into the classroom.

Kris Dreemurr was odd.

←• - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - •→

Kris often sat alone at lunch. Everyone else would go to the cafeteria or sit outside but they’d sit with their packed lunch in their mother’s classroom. No-one ever questioned it and they were happy that way. Did everyone know why? Of course they did. It wasn’t easy keeping secrets in such a small town. Thankfully no-one had ever directly brought it up with them since it happened. God, that was a long time ago. And they were still somehow affected by it. Had they gotten better? They didn’t know. Maybe.

Although occasionally Noelle would politely ask Kris if they’d want to sit with her, Catti, Jockington and Berdly in the cafeteria. They’d always say no. She had come in that day to ask, in fact.

“Hey, Kris, I know you keep saying no to sitting with us, but…y’know me and Catti would really love it if you tagged along. And Jockington and Berdly of course.” Noelle said, standing in front of Kris’ desk as everyone began to flock from the classroom for lunch. 

The more occasions Noelle would ask, the more anxious they’d get. They didn’t want her to know that they were still messed up. I mean, she seemed to be coping very well. And out of everyone she should’ve been the one affected the most. So the more Kris would say no, the more pressured they’d get to say yes. They had a knot, twisting and writhing in their stomach and they felt pathetic.

“I’ll come.” Kris mumbled.

“Oh, that’s great!” she exclaimed “Our table fits about six people so it’s all good!”

Kris picked up their backpack off of the ground, their hands shaking slightly. They really didn’t want to. Why in god's name would they agree to this?

They swallowed, trying to calm their body from how hyper it felt. It felt like everything they were doing was on autopilot, like they blinked and suddenly they were walking side by side with the doe. Noelle was talking to them about something but they couldn’t focus at all. They just stared down the long hallway.

The two finally reached the double doors to the cafeteria. Kris felt bile rising in their throat as Noelle pushed them open. They suddenly felt more self conscious than they had in a long time. It felt like everyone’s beady eyes were on them, judging their every move. 

The pair walked past the tables filled with people from their own class and the younger class. They eventually reached a table, annoyingly right at the end of the room, where Berdly, Catti and Jockington sat. Noelle sat at the end of the table, face to face with Catti while next to Berdly. Next to Catti was Jockington. Kris sat down next to him, their fists clenching and unclenching.

“Hey Kristopher! Or Kristan.” Jockington exclaimed “What is your name short for?”

“I think it’s just Kris, fahaha!” Noelle smiled.

Kris’ chest heaved up and down. They felt like everyone was secretly judging them. They hadn’t shown their face in the cafeteria in years. And out of all the people they’d decide to go with it was Noelle. That’s what made it worse. 

Their pupils unwillingly darted around the room, making their vision go blurry as their anxiety grew. Their heart was pumping so loud that it made them sick.

Everyone at the table knew why they hadn’t shown their face for so long. They all knew. Noelle knew. 

Everyone knew that they were messed up from what happened. And it was all their fault, if they had stopped being such a whiny obnoxious brat…

They looked down at their hands, which were trembling fiercely. They tried to count on their fingers. 

1 2 3 4 5. 

It wasn’t helping. Every time a number increased, so did every emotion, every feeling.

They kept going. 

1 2 3 4 5.

…She wouldn’t be gone.

“Kris?”

1 2 3 4…4 5

Dess was missing.

“Hey, Kris?”

1 2 3…1 2 3…

And she had likely been dead for a very long time.

“Kris!”

Kris looked up at Noelle. They hadn’t realised how bad they had really gotten, hunched over the table, their whole body shaking violently as their chest heaved up and down. It wasn’t exactly hard to figure out how they were feeling.

“Are you okay?” 

Kris didn’t respond, they just swallowed, hoping for some godforsaken reason it could calm them down. It felt as if they were dying, exhaling so fast and so quickly that they weren’t giving their body much time to process it. The voices around them were echoing, reaching their ears but not their brain.

They could barely make out the feeling of a hand on their back, rubbing up and down. It was soothing. Not soothing enough but maybe it was doing something.

Kris closed their eyes, trying to ignore everything, the feeling of their chest tightening, how they felt as if they could vomit any second. They stood up on shaky legs, stumbling away from the table. 

They couldn’t be here any longer. They could hear the sound of footsteps behind them as they scampered out of the room, Noelle’s they assumed. It was alright. They’d just tell her to leave them alone. They needed space from her. They needed space from everyone.

Kris reached the baby classroom, no monsters inside. They hit the wall, sinking down into the floor, burying their head in their legs. They took a deep breath. Tears were welling in their eyes. They weren’t sad. Just overwhelmed. Just disgusted. Just disgusting.

They hadn’t gotten better.

They could see the shadow of someone hovering over them. They hated that Noelle was here. They hated it.

“Kris, are you, uh, alright?” said a gravelly voice.

That wasn’t Noelle. Kris looked up.

That was Susie.

←• - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - •→

Susie hated the cafeteria. It was loud and the lights were far too bright. She dreaded lunch everyday as she looked like an antisocial freak, sitting at a table with no lunch and no friends. It pissed her off that she wasn’t allowed anywhere else. All of the other students in the older class were allowed to go home for lunch or in the courtyard. But she wasn’t trusted. She was told explicitly that the only places she was allowed to go at lunchtime were the cafeteria and the bathroom due to her “troublesome behaviour.” And she was not going to spend forty minutes hanging around a bathroom stall everyday.

With all the hours she had accumulated alone in the cafeteria, she had learned a lot about people, just from overhearing conversations. She heard that Catti hated garlic, resulting in the whole table calling her a vampire. She heard a little kid talk about how she stayed up all night after she drank her mom’s ‘gross brown stuff.’ And she most definitely heard Berdly telling Jockington that she was nothing more than a sad, pathetic bully, resulting in her grasping onto Berdly’s collar, threatening to punch him in the jaw, and then spending the rest of the afternoon in detention.

As she sat down at her usual table, Susie’s stomach growled like a frenzied animal. She could smell the delicious aroma of the cafeteria food, watching as lucky, privileged children strolled to their table holding trays, complaining about the quality of their meal. Entitled pricks.

 She felt ravenous. She had run out of bread yesterday and ended up binging the rest of the jar of peanut butter, not using a spoon or anything. She didn’t even have time to think about how disgusting she looked, with peanut butter all around her mouth, fingers and stuck in a wad at the roof of her mouth. She had just been so hungry. She was excited for later that night. She had been saving the instant noodles so she could have a warm meal. She’d often make plans like this. Stupid, silly ones. 

The reptile watched as Catti and Jockington walked through the double doors, Berdly scurrying close behind. The only person left to come through had been Noelle. The four would sit at the same table together every lunch time. 

Oh, there was Noelle. She usually came in with Berdly but I guess today she’s by herself. Wait a second, she wasn’t alone. Was that…Kris? Susie’s eyes widened. They were never in the cafeteria. Maybe they just wanted a change in scenery? She watched on in interest. They all sat down together, everyone greeting Kris excitedly but they didn’t respond to anyone, they didn’t even meet anybody’s gaze. They looked ill as they lurched over the table and shook terribly. Susie wondered if they were about to vomit.

She focused entirely on Kris, watching as they quivered faster, their chest heaving. She could see their head moving sharply from side to side as if looking around frantically. They look way too panicked to be a little nauseous. Were they having a breakdown? Susie’s eyes widened, this was freaking her out. Kris looked terrified. She had never seen them act this way, even as she teased them, they never really showed more than their blank, expressionless self. Their entire body seemed to be jittering.

Noelle had noticed. She was calling out to Kris but they weren’t responding. From Susie’s point of view everything seemed to be escalating. Noelle was trying to grab Kris’ attention as they continued to spiral, caressing their back gently. Then, they brought themselves up onto their feet, hunched over like some sort of feral vermin, and stumbled towards the cafeteria doors.

Susie waited for someone to follow them, to check if they were okay. But nobody did. She listened in to everyone at their table. She heard something about “leaving them be” and “Kris probably wanting space.” Everyone nodded in agreement and no-one moved.

God damnit.

Susie found herself chasing after the human, down the hallway. She saw the door of Ms Toriel’s classroom slam shut. It was obvious who had just scrambled inside. Susie turned the handle to the door. And there was Kris Dreemurr, curled up in a ball on the floor. What do you usually say to someone who just had a major cafeteria freak out?

“Kris, are you, uh, alright?” she asked.

Great job Susie. Very helpful.

Kris looked up at her. She thought maybe they’d tense or tell her to go away but they didn’t. They shook their head, tears in their eyes. Oh shit, they were crying. Susie was really uncomfortable. She’d been in situations like this a couple times but never with someone she was so often horrible to. She didn’t know what to do.

They were hyperventilating, staring up at her with what looked to be pure fear in their eyes.

“Shit dude, I uh…” Susie mumbled awkwardly, staring down at the floor. What was she even doing here? Kris obviously wanted to be alone. God, she could be stupid sometimes. “Sorry. It was stupid to follow you. I’ll go.”

“Stay…” their voice cracked. “Please…”

Susie’s heart ached. 

And suddenly she felt like such an asshole. For bullying this kid for months on end as they sat and cried in front of her. Did she do this? A fresh wave of panic came over her. She hoped not. She really hoped not.

“Y-yeah, okay.” she muttered, trying to keep her voice steady.

The monster slid down to the floor next to the human. 

This whole time she’d been tormenting them, waiting for even a slightly negative reaction. She thought that they were trying to mess with her. But now she knew that they were just keeping it all in. And now they had cracked.

“Kris…you want anything?” Susie asked.

“Talk.”

“About what?”

“A-anything…” Kris mumbled.

“Okay…”

She had never been asked to talk about anything before. She’d often have things she’d love to have conversations about but suddenly she drew a blank. It was the least she could do though, considering she had essentially been the cause of a panic attack.

“Umm….It’s a nice temperature outside today? The sky was very pink this morning.” Susie trailed off awkwardly. She sounded so stupid. “Should I say some facts about myself? I, uh, don’t really have many. My full name is Suzanne Saurus. My first name is pretty shit but I love my last name. Don’t have a middle name though.”

She had no idea if her idiotic rambling was doing anything but Kris wasn’t stopping her. They weren’t encouraging her either however.

“You’re lucky you don’t have a middle name.” Kris said shakily, wiping their tears away with their sleeve. “My middle name is Blake.”

Susie snorted slightly.

“That’s pretty bad, dude.” she chuckled.

“I know. It’s just, like, no way my parents looked at me when I entered this world and were like, yep, Kris Blake Dreemurr. That’s the one.” they said, a small grin forming on their face, smeared brown mascara all over their cheeks.

Susie snickered. Kris was actually kinda funny.

“Heh, yeah.”

Kris smiled at Susie. Susie felt awful.

There was a small silence.

“You okay?” she asked.

“Yeah…I’m not as shit as I was…” Kris said, a little timidly “I used to have freak outs like this a lot a while ago, but I haven’t had any for a while…until today obviously.”

“That sucks man.” she muttered. “If I were you, I wouldn’t be going back to class. That was some heavy shit.”

“I wasn’t planning to…” Kris laughed bitterly, uncurling themselves from the little ball they were huddled in. “I’ll probably just walk around town.”

“Oh, you’re skipping? Thought someone like you would be too good for that.”

“Well, you clearly don’t know me well enough then.” they grinned.

They were right. She didn’t. She didn’t know them at all.

“Y’know, I don’t think anyone’s ever come to help me after a panic attack like this.” Kris said.

“Really?” she asked, her eyes wide. “Not even your mom or anything?”

Kris shook their head. 

This surprised Susie. Kris was on good terms with so many people, everyone knew them. Sometimes Toriel and Kris drive past her on her walk to school and she’d watch as everyone in town waved at the two, calling out and greeting them, sometimes even Kris specifically. And not a single one of them had bothered to help Kris? And Toriel was one of the kindest people she had ever met. Not even her had helped to look out for her own child?

“Dude thats…messed up.” she muttered, starting out at the classroom around her. “I thought that was like, basic decency.”

“You’d think so.” Kris said wistfully.

“Yeah. You’d think so.”

…

“I’ve never heard you talk this much.”

Kris chucked.

“Me neither. Thanks though. I feel better.”

Susie shrugged, a little bashfully.

“It’s nothing. Just decided to be, y’know, not a dick.”

A pause.

“Susie?”

“Yeah?”

“Does this mean we’re friends?”

Wow. She was definitely not expecting them to ask that. She had never had a friend before and she knew it was sad. She had been close to befriending kids at her old schools a couple times, but she always ended up moving away from them. And she didn’t have a phone or anything to keep in contact. She was bound to move away again at some point.

It shocked her a little that Kris was the one asking her to be friends, not the other way around. Kris was too nice for their own good.

“I, uh, I guess if you want to be?” she said, rubbing the back of her neck awkwardly.

“Yeah, sure.” they smiled gently “We’re friends.”

Friends.

Susie had a friend.

Chapter Text

“Is your tea alright?” 

Kris gave their dad a thumbs up as they sipped the floral liquid, feeling its warmth trickle down their throat. There was nobody who could make tea quite like him and Kris couldn’t understand it. Every single time they would watch him as he prepared it and could never quite replicate it themselves. Maybe he had a weird sort of magic touch.

They were feeling a lot better than they were earlier that day. Before going to their dad’s flower shop that afternoon they had visited the church to play piano. During school hours was the best time to go. Nobody was there and Father Alvin was usually at home if not in his office. It meant no awkward and overly sweet compliments from family friends who had never heard them play before.

“How was school?” their father asked, sitting opposite to them.

Kris sat their mug down on the table.

“Fine.” they mumbled “I made a friend.”

Asgore let out a gasp, a large grin forming on his face before clapping his hands together. It made them feel kind of pathetic for getting so much praise for making a friend at school. They weren’t five.

“Oh, Kris that is wonderful!” he exclaimed, his deep voice bellowing “Who is it?”

“You don’t know her, she’s new.” they said “Her name’s Susie.”

“Oh that’s a nice name. Me and your mother used to go to college with a girl called Susan,” Asgore mused “I don’t think anybody referred to her as Susie, however. Apparently, she did often drink far too much at parties but I wouldn’t know. Whenever I was invited to one I would politely decline so I could just stay in and read.”

“That’s nice, dad.”

Kris’ father definitely met more of the requirements of a grandfather than he did a dad. He was in love with gardening, even before he opened a florist. When the whole family used to live together, every windowsill in the house had at least one plant pot sitting atop it, containing little cacti, tulips, chrysanthemums, roses, sweet peas…they could go on for hours listing all the flowers that had ever blossomed in their home. Kris remembered how when they were younger, Asirel used to have a small pot of lavender flowers next to his bed. Once before bed, he told Kris a fun fact about how lavenders were actually edible. He shouldn’t have been surprised when he was woken up that night to his younger sibling shaking him, telling him that they felt sick with purple petals all over their mouth and every single lavender plucked from their stems.

Asgore also got very excited whenever the newspaper was delivered to his doorstep each morning. He never read the news, he said it was far too upsetting. No, the only reason he even had the paper distributed to him was to play the crossword or occasionally the sudoku. Kris wondered why he never invested in a puzzle book.

Dad constantly had slippers on his feet, even at work. He owned 3 pairs of them. One of the pairs was a father’s day present from Kris and Asirel they had gifted him several years ago. Bright pink bunny slippers. These were Asgore's favourites.

Kris wondered that if Asriel hypothetically had kids, their dad would become even more the stereotypical grandad. Maybe he would double in his old man…ness? After all, to become a grandfather, you’d have to be a father first.

“You should visit her outside of school,” Asgore continued with a warm smile on his face. “You don’t have her phone number, do you?”

Kris shook their head.

“That’s a shame. Maybe she’ll be at the festival on Sunday?” 

Asgore must have noticed Kris beginning to tense up and started to frantically backtrack.

“That’s not me saying you have to go! Of course not! I was just brainstorming ways you could see her this weekend.”

Their dad was talking like he had accidentally offended them.

“It’s fine. I’m not going anyway.”

If Kris had somehow managed to find themselves at the festival, it would mean possibly the biggest panic attack of all time. Probably, like, eleven times worse than the one they had earlier that day. Even the thought of heading there, revisiting the woods, seeing how the fireworks shot into the sky…It was too much. Far too much.

Asgore fidgeted awkwardly, awaiting a change in conversation. Kris didn’t know why they were the one expected to change the topic.

“Would you like to head off to the diner now, Kris?” Asgore asked, talking matters into his own hands.

Kris nodded.

←• - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - •→

Mom wasn’t home and yet Susie still found herself wandering around outside. There wasn’t much of a need to go there apart from to sleep, eat and go to the bathroom. Typically she’d stay in class for as long as possible, eating the apples off of Alphys’ desk, messing with junk in the closet or doodling on the chalkboard, having to leave when the janitors came to lock the doors. On one occasion, Susie wasn’t noticed when a classroom was being locked and she had to jump out of the window. 

After school, there were a variety of places she could head to. On colder nights in May when she had first moved, she liked going to the library. Sometimes they had beanbags sat out on the floor next to some of the bookcases where she would take a nap because of how freezing it could be at home. Her mother never typically paid the heating bills. She had stopped showing up when she had made the realisation that the library assistant that sometimes took shifts was also the annoying, nerdy blue bird in her class at school. 

On days it was nice out, the girl would take a quick trip to ICE-E’s to grab a slushie before sitting at one of the plastic benches down by the lakeside. By grab she meant steal. Either the monsters working there weren’t very observant or they just didn’t care enough to stop her. Probably the latter. Because it was summer she’d occasionally see younger kids splashing and swimming in the murky water. She remembered one occasion where the mayor happened to be walking around town and ended up shouting at the children to get out of the water before she phoned their parents. Susie also remembered the very cold glare that the woman had given her, like she was some sort of grime or filth.

She had just gotten out of school and had decided to take a stroll, just letting her instincts take her places. 

She saw two figures walking in her direction. One was largely built, some sort of goat creature, standing side by side with a thin human. Kris. This must be their father, she assumed. Susie didn’t know whether she was supposed to greet them or just leave them be. In the end she held up her hand and waved over to Kris. They waved back.

She watched slightly nervously as Kris and their dad began to whisper to one another. Perhaps he was telling Kris that he didn’t like the look of her. But the look on his face was much different than a certain Mayor Holiday. As they got closer to one another, the father and child stopped in their tracks as they got face to face with the reptile.

“You must be Susie, yes?” he asked with a smile.

“Uh, yeah. That’s me.” she said, standing still similarly to them.

“It was very kind of you to make friends with Kris.” 

“I, uh, yeah…it’s the least I could do.” Susie mumbled, forcing herself to make eye contact with the man, even though she was struggling. She didn’t want to seem like she was ignoring him. It was harder to pay attention to what he was saying this way though.

“Say, are you busy right now?” he asked, nudging Kris slightly.

“No, I mean, I was sorta just goin’ for a walk.” she said, rubbing the back of her neck. “Why?”

“Well, I was just planning on going to the diner with Kris but maybe you’d want to go with them instead?”

Susie shuffled a little awkwardly as Asgore asked this. After all, her and Kris had only formed a friendship earlier that day. Yet it felt more like a truce than a friendship, like a war surrender. She didn’t know if she was ready to sit one on one with Kris with nothing but positive vibes that she didn’t really know how to form. And would Kris even want to hang out? Even if they did, they shouldn’t want to. Who in the right mind would want to pretend to be best buddies with a girl who had relentlessly bullied them for the past few months? 

But on the other hand, she didn’t want to prove that she was a dick and totally tear down this smiling man’s joy for his child and their new friend. He looked so excited for Kris.

“I guess if Kris wants to?” Susie finally settled on saying.

She watched as Kris nodded without hesitation.

“Oh, that’s wonderful!” their dad exclaimed “Kris, I’ll just be at my shop if you want to come and spend some more time with me later. Otherwise you can just go back home to see your mother.”

They nodded for a second time, waving back to their dad as he walked away. 

“Your dad seems nice.”

“He’s fine.” Kris mumbled, beginning to walk again, continuing in the direction of QC’s Diner.

The smell of greasy yet comforting meals wafted through the air and almost immediately Susie’s stomach growled loudly. Luckily the noise was covered by the sounds of monsters conversing with waiters and friends laughing over food. God, she wanted food so bad. But lucky her, she had left all her money at home and she felt bad at the thought of spending that skeleton man’s cash.

Susie followed behind the human as they led her to a booth, sitting opposite one another. Kris picked up a menu and handed it to her. How was she supposed to tell them that she didn’t have any money on her?

“Nah, it’s alright.” Susie said, trying to play it off like it was no big deal as she moved to place the menu back in its stand. “I’m not that hungry.”

Kris’ eyebrows furrowed and pushed the laminated paper back towards her. Goddamnit, why did they care so much?

“Kris, really, I’m fine.” she muttered in annoyance, her hands subconsciously fidgeting with themselves on top of the table. Her stomach, as if on cue, growled once again, much louder this time, causing Kris to raise an eyebrow. “Maybe I am a little hungry…but I left my money at home so don’t worry about it.”

“I’ll pay then.” they said with a smile.

That was not what Susie wanted Kris to say. They were supposed to nod before quietly deciding on what they wanted to get for themselves, not to pity her. They were far too nice.

“No, don’t do that.” Susie said, gritting her teeth. “I’ll forget to pay you back.” 

Kris looked at her with confusion. Did she say something stupid?

“I don’t want you to pay me back.”

Susie wanted to protest against their requests to pay, but she’d just look suspicious. They’d ask why she was so insistent on leaving herself with no food even though she was clearly starving. 

“Are you sure?” she asked hesitantly.

“Don’t worry about it.” They smiled. “I just got my allowance paid anyway.”

“Okay…” she mumbled, slowly taking the menu back from Kris’ outstretched hand.

She began to inspect the options, her eyes trailing down the long list of items. She tried to cover the price of the items with one of her hands as she knew that the sight of it would make her feel much more terrible for getting Kris to pay for her.

“Can I just get a burger?” she asked, her voice becoming involuntarily quiet.

Kris nodded.

“I’ll get us some fries to share as well.” they said.

“Cool. What else are you getting?” Susie asked, raising her volume a little so she could be heard over the sound of other monsters chatting.

Kris pointed at a space in Susie’s menu that had the words ‘Ice cream’ on them.

“Oh, dope.” she said, her posture becoming more relaxed and slouched. 

A grin formed on their face.

“No way you just used the word dope.”

Susie grinned similarly.

“What’s wrong with dope? There’s not another word in this language like dope.”

“There shouldn’t be another word in this language like dope.”

“I kinda just wanna say dope now just to piss you off.” She snorted

“Don’t you dare.” Kris said, feigning a stern expression.

“Dude, what’s wrong with dope?” 

“There are many things wrong with dope but we are not getting into that.”  they said, arms folded but unable to hide the smile forming at the corners of their lips.

“You’re being so cryptic.” Susie laughed.

A waitress approached their table. It took her a second to realise who it was.

“Oh. You.” 

“Hi Catti.” Susie murmured “Didn’t know you had a retail job. Suits you.”

“Not retail.” Catti sneered. “It’s a diner.”

“Whatever.”

Susie didn't actually have a reason to dislike Catti. But Catti definitely held a grudge against her and she wasn’t too sure why. Sure, it wasn’t as if anyone at school actually liked her. 

Apart from Kris now. Wow, that was weird.

Well, Susie did steal Jockington’s hat once. And everyone knew that Catti and Jockington were the best of friends. But even before that, she seemed to have been a little pissed at her most of the time. 

On the first day she had moved to the school, she had received a tour from two of the other students, Noelle and Catti. At points she would distance herself from the two to look around. When this happened, Noelle would whisper to Catti, giggling as she looked at Susie. She knew that they were talking about her but she didn’t bring herself to call them out for it. Mom had given her a talk before the first day, pleading for her daughter not to act out. But whatever Noelle had said to her put Catti in a very bad mood. 

“Kris, what do you want? Ice cream?” Catti asked, her voice still fairly monotonous.

Kris nodded and pointed at the menu, presumably at the burger and fries.

“Oh, and is this for her?”

“Um, yeah.”

“‘Kay.” she muttered, taking the menu from off of Kris before leaving.

“I won’t be surprised if she spits in my burger.” 

“Me neither.”

←• - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - •→

Kris giggled as Susie tried to keep a fry on the end of her snout.

“Look, I’m doing it!” Susie said, her eyes crossed as she tried to stare at the fry before it soon fell onto the floor. She ducked underneath the table and retrieved it before popping it into her mouth.

“Eww.”

“Five second rule.” Susie beamed.

They had balanced a fry in between their lip and their nose like a potato mustache and now Susie was trying to imitate them. 

“You don’t have the right anatomy.” Kris said, almost smugly. “You can’t have it like a mustache if you’re doing it on top of your nose. Snout. Whatever.”

“Stop showing off.” 

Kris couldn’t remember the last time they had laughed this much or been so publicly verbal with someone. It sort of reminded them of being a kid, from the days they were loud and obnoxious and didn’t know when to shut up. These days they would shut up far too much.

“I can’t do it anymore anyway, you just ate the last one.” They smiled. 

Susie smiled back. They were happy she was smiling.

“Hey Kris?” 

“Yeah?”

They noticed Susie’s eyes drifting away from their direction as she fiddled with her thumbs.

“Y’know how there’s, like, that festival in town on Sunday? What actually happens there?”

Kris’ body stiffened at the mere mention of the event.

“Just like…ferris wheel, face paint…that kind of stuff.” 

“Oh cool. Are you going?”

“No…I, um, don’t go anymore.” they mumbled as their voice became quiet. “I usually just stay in alone as my mom and everyone else goes out.”

”Oh that sucks.”

There was a bit of a silence between the two of them over the sound of clinking glasses and a crying baby.

 “I’m not really planning on going either.” 

“Really?” 

“Yeah. Guess we’re both gonna be alone then, huh?”

The thing is, Kris didn’t want to be alone. And they didn’t blame anyone for leaving them alone. This was one of the most exciting days in this godforsaken town. But it would just be nice to have someone else to ditch the festival with.

And maybe they did have someone.

“Would you wanna come over?”

Susie looked a little shocked.

“Really?”

“Yeah, my mom won’t mind.”

“Well, uh, if she doesn’t mind then sure! Totally!” she exclaimed, her eyes lighting up.

“By the way, do you have a phone?” they asked. “Just so I can message you and stuff.”

“Oh yeah, I do.” Susie replied, her face falling a little. “It’s a flip phone though so it might take me a minute to respond to stuff. And I, uh, don’t have it on me right now.”

“That’s fine,” said Kris, gently. “Here, I’ll write my number on your hand.”

They took out a ballpoint pen out of their pocket. Susie asked why they had a pen with them and Kris explained that they liked to draw pictures on bathroom stalls.

Susie lay her right hand on top of the table and Kris took it in theirs. Jesus, her hand was big. They began to write the digits of their phone number onto her purple skin followed by a little smiley face. She held up her hand to her face, as if admiring Kris’ art.

“Hey.”

Kris jolted slightly at the sound of Catti’s voice. They both turned around to see her looming over the two of them.

“Plates.”

Kris began handing their plates over to Catti who sat them on top of a tray she carried in her hand.

“If you’ve paid, leave,” she grumbled “And take her with you.”

Kris sighed then nodded, taking their purse out of their bag and scattering a mixture of coins and notes on the table. They stood up and stepped out of the booth and gestured for Susie to follow them, which she did and they both made their way outside. Kris grinned as Susie let out an exasperated sigh.

“Fuck, I’ve missed air.” she groaned, outstretching her arms above her head.

“Same.”

“Good on your dad, huh?” Susie smiled, turning to face Kris. “That was fun. I’ll see you on Sunday, yeah?”

Kris smiled.

“See you on Sunday.”

←• - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - •→

Susie was in a good mood. She had never been a friend before. Or spent time with a friend before. Or laughed with a friend before. And she totally understood why some people had so many friends. It was definitely an awesome feeling. The closest person she’d ever had to a friend was her dad but it was definitely not like she was seeing him again anytime soon. 

Something that really stuck with her from when she was little was an interaction she had with a girl in her class at one of her schools.

“Susie, do you even have any friends?” the girl sneered.

“Yeah, obviously I have a friend.” Susie had replied, her arms folded. 

“Okay, then, who?”

“Well…my dad. He’s my friend.” 

“Your dad doesn’t count! Everyone is friends with their dad!” she giggled.

Susie clenched her fists.

“Yeah he does.”

“Well, I don’t think you’ll ever make a single friend. Not even one.”

Susie had later landed herself in detention for kicking the girl in the leg and pulling at her hair. Maybe if she had met this girl again she’d boast about how she was wrong and how she did have a friend now. But if that girl was at all what she was like in elementary, she’d probably find a way to rile Susie up and get beaten once again.

The reptile clambered up the stairs to her apartment, she was so happy that she felt no sense of dread as she got closer to the door. She hadn’t felt like this in years. The girl pressed her ear up against the front door before she entered, wanting to know if her mom was inside before she unlocked the door. Nothing. She took the keys out of her pocket and unlocked the front door before flopping onto the couch.

She didn’t need to make the noodles she had been saving, her stomach didn’t growl. The burger and the fries had been enough. And that was nice. She felt content and maybe also a little tired. How hadn’t she noticed how tired she was when she was out with Kris? She gazed up at the ceiling, recounting everything that she had done that day, everything she had giggled at and the person that had made her giggle like that. Her eyes slowly began to flutter shut…she felt calm. She was going to sleep calmly.

SLAM!

Susie jolted and sat upright. Her mother was standing in the doorway in a tight red dress and no shoes on, wailing. She had a black sludge streaming down her face, a substance mixed between tears and mascara and her hair was a total rats nest.

”Suzanne, baby, sweetheart…” she cried, stumbling over towards her daughter. “I missed you so bad…”

She was drunk. Like dangerously drunk. 

“I-I’ve been thinking about you…”

Jenna wrapped her arms around Susie and buried her face into her shoulder. She just sat there, almost numb. Almost.

“…you’re so much like him…” her mother slurred before stopping to splutter and heave, her long red nails digging into her back. “I forget sometimes…”

Susie felt as ill as her mother looked. She despised when she got like this, when she said things like this.

“Mom, you’re drunk.” Susie whispered. “You need to go to bed.”

Jenna pulled away and cradled her daughters face in her hands.

“…his hair…you have his hair…” 

She ran her fingers through Susie’s thick locks.

“His curls…”

“Mom…stop.”

Emotion bubbled up inside of Susie’s chest. She was frustrated that her mother would get herself like this. She was upset because of the things she was saying. She wanted to hate her but she couldn’t. She could only bring herself to hate what she was doing, the things she was saying.

Her mother locked eyes with her daughter, still relying on her to keep balanced.

“Godamnit Stanley…” she cried. “Give him back to me, God…give him back!”

The second his name was uttered, the pit in Susie’s stomach grew larger. It was like a curse. She didn’t want to hear about him, she didn’t want to hear from her.

“Mom…”

Suddenly, the woman tensed up. Her eyes were wide and she began to double over, her mouth almost puffed up slightly. She began to gag.

“Susie I…”

“Shit!” Susie exclaimed, grabbing onto her mom’s underarms and standing up abruptly.

She struggled as she attempted to drag her mom to the bathroom as she continued to dry-heave in Susie’s arms. Susie was getting frantic, grabbing the door handle to the toilet with a sweaty hand and pushing open the door. She held her mother’s hair back before pushing her down to hover over the toilet. Susie knelt down next to her, flinching as she heard the sound of retching and fluid hitting the water below.

She was so angry. Angry at her dad for not being here, angry at her mother for getting so unbelievably intoxicated. And angry at herself for thinking she could have one day where she could be happy and not worry about anything else.

The smell was the worst part. Susie could feel her eyes watering. She wasn’t crying or anything. Susie didn’t cry. She was strong. Tough. She needed to remind herself this, she couldn’t let herself be weak, she wasn’t weak.

“Stan…” Jenna spluttered in between fits of vomit.

She couldn’t lie to herself anymore. Susie had tears streaming down her face as she knelt down next to her mother who was bent over the toilet bowl. Her day was ruined. Because of her stupid mom and her stupid, dead dad. 

She began to sob similarly, letting go of mom’s hair and digging her hands into her scalp. So many thoughts were flooding through her brain that she couldn’t focus on any single one. She wanted out and that's all she knew. 

Susie stood up. She left her mom. Went to her room. Went to her bed.

She cried.