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There are benefits and downsides to working with your boyfriend.
Jensen enjoys how easy it is to be with someone who is essentially on the exact same schedule as he is.
He also realizes how frustrating it is to be with someone who is essentially on the exact same schedule as he is.
It isn’t really Jared’s fault. Jensen knew what he was getting into when he and Jared started dating.
It’s not that they spend all their time together. There are plenty of times when Jensen goes in early or stays late. And he’s gone out with his friends without Jared. But he can’t lie to himself and pretend he didn’t miss his boyfriend on more than one of those occasions.
Still, one major down fall is that they work at the same place, thus making going away together a little more complicated. They have the same schedule, so they have the same days off. This makes weekends together easy, but anything longer is hard because it is not like Jensen can join his boyfriend on Jared’s normal two weeks of vacation time. Usually Jensen worked while Jared was off, but now that they are dating he wants to be off with his boyfriend. Actually, he wants a lot of things off when Jared is on vacation.
Jensen is smart. Jensen can solve this problem.
The silver lining to being your own boss is that Jensen has now implemented a new policy in the workplace. His office will be closed for two weeks near the twin’s birthday.
For the next two weeks, Jared is all his.
Sort of.
That was the original plan.
Then Jared, in his opinion, comes up with a better plan. His parents miss Arianna and Brooke and, since their first birthday is coming up, he is hoping maybe they can fly to Texas to celebrate the milestone with his family.
Other than Megan, Jensen has not met any of Jared’s other family members. And since Jared spends a good deal of time around the Ackles clan, Jensen figures he owes it to his boyfriend to return the favor.
So while the original plan may have been to spend two weeks together with the twins, plans change. This is why they are currently sitting on a plane in route to Texas, San Antonia specifically, with two cranky little girls on each of their laps.
Jensen silently apologizes for any plane-going, kid-toting parents he has cursed in the past. Arianna and Brooke have been relatively well behaved, but they’ve had their moments.
The plan ride started off as a novelty, people ‘ohh’ing and ‘ahh’ing at the girls, the twins eating it up, but when the girls got tired of sitting in one place, and switching to the other man’s lap got boring, they have no trouble letting the entire plane know how they felt about it. It earns them a few dirty looks, but Jensen throws them right back. Even though they are done with being on a plane, the twins are perfect and no one has the right to disagree with that fact.
It gets slightly worse before it gets better.
After Arianna decides her sweet potatoes look better on Jensen’s shirt, the man longs for the days when feeding them was much simpler: a bottle and relief pitching with Jared. Still, solid foods are new enough to the girls for Jensen to think they are in a grace period and he easily loses any annoyance he feels over his ruined shirt.
A bonus is the way Jared laughs at him, eyes lighting up and dimples on full display. The plane hits a pocket of turbulence and Jared misses Brooke’s mouth, landing a spoon of cereal on her cheek. The little girls slaps at it and then smacks her father’s cheek, leaving a handprint of beige goo in its wake.
This time it is Jensen’s turn to laugh. It must be infectious because the twins are giving happy baby giggles in sync with his. When he looks at Jared, the man has returned to smiling. Jensen can’t help himself, he needs to kiss him. Wiping the cereal off Jared’s cheek, he leans in and kisses Jared’s lips softly, laughing into the affection. A surprised yip escapes when Jared doesn’t let him back out of the kiss, the younger man’s hand creeping up Jensen’s neck and pulling them tightly together.
After finally pulling apart, they find the consequences of leaving the twins to their own devices…with spoons. Both their shirts are completely ruined.
It’s weird because a year ago Jensen wouldn’t have left the house with as much as a stain on his shirt.
But a year ago he wasn’t completely and irrevocably wrapped around the fingers of two almost-one year olds and their father. And with Jared laughing at the whole situation, he would ruin every one of his shirts to ensure that sound doesn’t stop. It is a thought he has had before, but how true and intense it is never ceases to shock him.
For the remainder of the five hour flight, the rest of the passengers don’t exist. Jensen knows his ability to daydream can get him off track at times, but it also strengthens his ability to shut out the rest of the world. At that moment, with Brooke dozing under his chin and Arianna sprawled out on Jared’s reclined form, they are the only ones that matter. They are happy, he thinks they deserve a medal for surviving the trip, but they are happy.
Of course, from the time they land until they arrive at Jared’s mother’s house, the girls are passed out. They stay asleep through the chaos of finding their bags, the journey in the hired car Jensen insists they take so as not to inconvenience Jared’s family, and wake up right in time to make the short trip to the front door of Jared’s parents’ house.
Up until that moment, Jensen wasn’t nervous about meeting Jared’s family. He assumed they would be just as wonderful as his boyfriend. He’s talked on the phone with Sherri twice, and walked in on a web chat with Megan, but he is on their turf now. He figures this is how Jared felt when standing on the porch of the Ackles’ household all those months ago. He’s already got Megan on his side, but he is still worried that some twist of fate will sway her opinion or ruin his first meeting with the others.
Or zombies might invade San Antonio. He isn’t in his home town so he doesn’t know the layout here, isn’t familiar with plans of attack. He would be a goner.
He really doesn’t want to think about a zombie version of himself eating Jared’s family. That would make a terrible impression.
It takes him a minute to realize he not only sounds crazy, he is getting ahead of himself.
“Jensen? Hello?” Jared lets the driver leave their bags at the edge of his mother’s property and hoists Arianna out of her car seat. The little girl is wide awake by now, and Jared’s excitement to show his girls off is evident by the jittery nature to his movements.
“Yeah?” Jensen swings his head towards his boyfriend and blinks. Scanning the area, he is quickly jolted back to the situation at hand.
“You with me?”
“Yeah. Yeah. I’m here.” To prove how here he is, Jensen smiles at the younger man. He is with Jared 100%, every step of the way. He knows that coming home with Jared means more than just a family vacation and he is in all the way.
The smile that spreads its way across Jared’s lips makes Jensen’s heart skip a beat. “I’m glad you’re here with me.”
“Me too.”
“Can you grab Brooke? I want my parents to have easy access to their grandbabies.” Jared shifts Arianna onto his hip as he watches Jensen pull a still sleepy Brooke into his arms. “You have to give them up. No hogging Brooke like you usually do.” His words are a teasing reprimand.
“I don’t hog her. She just gets clingy.” He gets her out of her carrier and she stands by Jensen’s previous statement by fisting his shirt with both hands. She is normally a bundle of giggles and toothy smiles, but sometimes she is downright moody. Now is one of those times. Snuggling in closer to Jensen, she somehow manages to furrow her brows enough to give her the appearance of being deep in thought.
Jared’s tongue is on the tip of a retort but he doesn’t have time for it because his mother comes bursting out the front door and making her way towards him with exclamations of excitement. Jensen can detect the hint of a limp, one Jensen assumes is a reminder of her bad leg break over seven months ago. She pays the older man no mind and makes a straight path to Jared.
She doesn’t catch her son off guard, but when she attacks him with a hug the sheer intensity of it makes him stumble a little.
“Jared! Baby!” She hugs him more fiercely in a way only a parent can.
“Hi mama.” Jared uses the arm not holding Arianna to pull him mom closer. He smiles wide and lets his mother dote on him.
“Was your flight okay? How about the drive? We would have picked you up, you know that.” The words are coming out of her mouth in a rush and she realizes she is all over the map before she pulls away and takes in her son’s appearance. “Oh sweetie, you look great. I haven’t seen you since right after the girls were born. Look at you! Father of twins! You wouldn’t even know it.” She smiles up at Jared before becoming completely fixated on the baby in his arms. “Oh! Sweetheart!”
Arianna is blinking at her grandmother, not sure what to make of the loud excited squeaks coming out of her mouth. When Sherri reaches out for the baby, Arianna lets herself be pulled into the woman’s arms, curious to see what all the fuss it about.
“Say ‘hi’ to grandma, Ari.” Jared transfers his daughter to her grandmother’s capable hands.
If Sherri was excited to see her son a few moments ago, it paled in comparison to her excitement over Arianna. “Hi little angel! You’ve gotten so big. Yes you have.” She tosses her in the air slightly before kissing a chubby cheek prompting Ari to let out a peel of laughter. “You are just too sweet. Aren’t you Arianna? Who is such a big girl?”
Watching the scene, Jensen feels like an outsider looking in on a moment he doesn’t deserve to be a part of. Watching Sherri fall in love with her granddaughter all over again after not seeing them for 9 months is tender and sweet but Jensen feels like he is invading their privacy.
Jared catches Jensen’s eyes and goes over to stand beside him. Up until now he has gone practically unnoticed by Sherri, which is partially because everything that isn’t Arianna is currently going unnoticed by Sherri.
“Mama?” Jared clears his throat in an attempt to get his mother’s attention.
Taking a brief pause from cooing over Jared’s eldest, Sherri pivots to face her son’s new location. “Yes baby?”
“This is Jensen…and Brooke, but you know her already.” He subconsciously nudges Jensen with his shoulder, making the older man take a step closer to his mother.
Looked ashamed, Sherri’s eyes shoot open. “Don’t be silly Jared. I feel like I know Jensen already too.” She tucked Arianna against her side and pulled Jensen into a modified version of the hug she gave her son. “How rude of me! Please forgive me Jensen. It is so nice to finally have a face to face meeting with the man who makes my son so happy.” She patted Jensen on the cheek, the gesture vaguely reminding Jensen of one his mother uses. “We are so glad to have you here.”
“Thanks for having me. It is great to finally meet you too ma’am.” Jensen smiles, suddenly feeling very much like a nervous child trying to impress his high school sweetheart’s parents.
“None of this ma’am stuff. Call me Sherri, or mom, or anything but ma’am. We are all family here and we are just thrilled to meet you.” She patted Jensen’s cheek again.
Though touched by the warm welcome, the idea of being family takes him off guard. While he likes to think his family is warm and welcoming, Sherri is exuding that feeling even more. “Okay ma’a…mo..Sherri.” Finding the right title for the woman trips up his tongue. He blushes, back to feeling like a kid again. It is a good feeling though, because even though he is in his thirties it still reminds him of the power family holds over him. He figures Sherri must pick up on that because she has on a knowing smile, like she’s keen to something Jensen hasn’t figured out yet.
Sherri’s eyes dart over to Brooke who is still half hidden in Jensen’s shirt. “And you! Look at you, you precious perfect little girl.” She reaches out a hand to cup Brooke’s baby round cheek but the little girl makes a displeased noise and turns her face towards the man holding her. She isn’t usually a shy baby, but when she is grumpy she rarely wants attention from anyone but her father and the man she is currently clinging to. There is a flash of disappointment or hurt on Sherri’s face but it disappears almost as soon as it rears its head. “Well Jensen, it seems like she is just as crazy about you are my son is.”
“Mom!” Jared suddenly transforms into what Jensen can only define as ‘a son’. Jared wants very much to show his little girls off to his mother but he knows he is opening himself up to her embarrassing blunt remarks.
“What? You told me yourself that Jensen makes you weak in the knees and that you never want to let go of him. Apparently Brooke has no intentions of letting go either.” She tries to get Brooke’s attention again but the baby isn’t having any of it. “Plus, he is much cuter in person. Those pictures you sent do not do him justice.”
“Aww come on mom, really?” Jared’s face flushes with color as his eyes flit between his mother and Jensen.
Jared looks adorable when he blushes like that. All 6’4’’ of him.
Jensen knows what Sherri said is true; Jared is crazy about him and has done nothing but proven his commitment to him since they moved in together. Still, it makes Jensen’s heart skip a beat to hear the words from someone else, to know Jared talks about their relationship the way he talks about it himself.
Jared is still recovering from blushing and all Jensen can think is I am going to marry that man. He knows they aren’t there yet, but he is confident he can make Jared see his side the marriage argument.
He wants to join in on Sherri’s loving teasing, but a man he has only seen in photographs gets caught in his peripheral vision and distracts him.
“Where are my grandbabies!?” The open mouthed smile on the man’s face is friendly and when he laughs it is a sound that comes straight from his core.
“Hi dad.” Jared steps away from the group and positions himself in his father’s path.
Jensen knows that Paul isn’t Jared’s biological father, but the connection they have defies that. There is trust there and a deep rooted relationship that is worthy of rivaling any biological father and son relationship. It is nice to see Jared with his guard down.
Without hesitation, Paul pulls Jared in for a hug. It is a different embrace than what he shared with his mother, rougher gestures, but the meaning is the same. Paul slaps Jared across the back affectionately before stepping away. “It’s good to have you home Jared. Even better to have those little ones – who are growing like weeds by the way – home too.”
The way he forms the word ‘home’ makes Jensen realize that home is more than a structure for Jared’s family. It is made up of people, connections, and relations. It saddens him slightly that Jared has guarded himself so carefully against creating the same version of home in his own life. Clearly, Jared was surrounded by loving people when living here. But he remembers how deep Jared’s scars run, and he thinks that had Jared’s family been any less loving Jared might not have been able to let them in.
Paul turns his attention to Jensen without any prompting. “And this must be Jensen. I’ve seen my fair share of you in photographs but it is good to see you in the flesh.” Paul sticks out a hand to give Jensen a firm shake. “Nice to meet you, I’m Paul.”
“Nice to meet you sir. I’ve heard so much about you.”
“All good, I hope.” Paul laughs again and slaps Jensen gently on the shoulder.
“All good. Jared has told me nothing but wonderful things about your family.” Jensen turns on the charm, knowing the value of a good first impression. Brooke wiggles and he realizes that her grandfather is probably dying to get his hands on her. “And I know you are absolutely crazy about these little girls.” With a nod of his head he gestures towards both twins. “This little munchkin is Brooke.” He tries to turn the baby so that she faces her grandfather but she is intent on being difficult.
“Well they are my first grandbabies, you have to forgive me some excessive doting.” His eyes light up when he takes in Brooke’s form. “Hello Brooky, how are you? Can you come say hello?” He reaches out his hands towards the baby.
Even though Jensen wants to hold onto Brooke, he tries to urge her to go to her grandfather. “Say hi.”
Paul gets his hands on her and pulls her close. She doesn’t exactly resist but, after a moment of trying to figure out what just happened, her face screws up, she takes two shuddering breaths and lets out a wail.
“Da da.” The words leave Brooke’s mouth in the midst of cries.
Jensen freezes. It isn’t the first time Brooke had spoken. She has basic things down: papa, baba, no. She babbles a lot and hums. She rambles and loves to hear her own voice, especially when she and Arianna get going at the same time. She even experiments with sounds that start with the letter D.
He knows that her ‘da da’ exclamation is nonsense and that she has no idea of its impact, but now Jensen’s mind is hooked on the thought of the girls calling him dad. It makes him feel like he is on top of the world.
But the babbled title is a fluke.
It has to be.
Jared is looking at his youngest daughter with an expression that is half confused and half undeterminable.
Jensen doesn’t want to step on Jared’s toes as a parent. He knows Jared is their father and he doesn’t want his boyfriend to feel awkward.
It is probably just a onetime thing.
Then Brooke shrieks loudly and twists her body, reaching out towards Jensen. “Da da!” Her chubby hands make a grabbing motion towards the man. “Da da!”
And suddenly there is no mistaking the baby’s actions. Jensen is ‘da da’. Brooke knows exactly what she is doing and somehow she decided on her personal title for Jensen.
Jensen feels like he should apologize. It isn’t like he planned this. The girls haven’t even heard the word daddy, but Brooke has settled on her version of it. In one moment he has simultaneously made Jared’s parents feel like second best and Jared feel…well he isn’t sure what he made Jared feel because the man looks just as shocked at the situation.
Without missing a beat, Paul raises an eyebrow at Brooke. “You sure know what you want, don’t you? You’re just like your father.”
Jensen knows Paul means Jared but he can’t stop himself from relating. He and Brooke are alike in that way, they don’t stop until they get what they want. The twins are very much like Jared, all dimples and brown hair, but they have the determination Jensen has trusted in to finally be part of the relationship he always wanted with Jared.
Still squirming in her grandfather’s arms, Brooke lets out a loud wail and tears wet her cheek. She’s reaching out for Jensen with an intensity that would melt anyone’s heart. Kissing the girl’s head, Paul gives her back to Jensen with slight reluctance. The baby latches onto Jensen again, burying herself in him and snuggling up against his chest.
Jensen looks up at Jared and finds his boyfriend trying to figure out words for the situation. Brooke is clinging to him, her fists in an iron grip around his shirt. She turns wet shining green eyes up at him and Jensen gently wipes a tear away. When he looks up, Paul is looking at him with a knowing smile. He shrugs at the older man. “She just woke up. She is always moody when she is sleepy. I’m sure she will be happy to get to know you in an hour or so.” It is an apology of sorts and he hopes the man understands.
Instead of addressing Jensen, Paul turns towards his step-son. “You’re lucky Jared. I think the twins love him as much as you do.” He smiles when Jared’s face flushes again. Turning back to his cranky granddaughter, “Jensen, I’m glad they have someone like you in their lives. At least I can rest easy knowing they are getting spoiled and loved as much as they would if Sherri and I were around all the time.”
Paul’s words almost instantaneously put Jensen at ease. Whatever worries or nervousness he had about making a good first impression fly out the door. “Oh, I do love them sir, all three of them.”
“Of course you love him sweetie.” Sherri pipes up and swings Arianna to her opposite hip. “You look just as love struck as Jared.”
“Mom!” And suddenly Jared is back to being a 5 year old again, practically stomping his foot and face flushing.
Sherri shrugs with mock innocence before surveying the darkening landscape. “Let’s go in. I made dinner. Jeff and Megan are meeting us in an hour or two. Plus, I’ve got presents that your father and I have been dying to give the girls.”
She doesn’t wait for anyone to answer; instead, she turns towards the house and smiles over her shoulder as she makes her way inside, leaving Paul and Jared to get the bags while Jensen totes Brooke behind them.
Once inside, Jensen finds the house to be cozy. It isn’t as large as his house but it is well loved and warm. The surroundings are so different than the ones he was raised in, but it doesn’t feel new or uncomfortable. He immediately feels like this is something he wants to be a part of.
Jared’s parents only intensify the feeling.
They are warm and welcoming and they fall into easy conversation before dinner. Brooke is still attached to Jensen, but at least this time she is sitting on his lap and letting her grandparents fuss over her.
Jared is watching them and Jensen can tell from the expression on his face that he is thinking about something. It is the only thing to happen that evening that sets him on edge. He wishes they had the time and privacy to go off on their own and talk about it.
Eventually, Brooke gets antsy and joins Arianna on the carpeted floor. The two crawl around a safely fenced off area, taking control of the area in a way they always do. The twins have an uncanny ability to demand a room’s attention. They explore and laugh, try to stand and fall back down. Arianna takes an unsteady step or two before falling on her diapered bottom. She lets out a cry for “Papa” before Jared reassures her and she tries walking again. Jared’s parents keep making note that they will be walking soon.
Jensen knows.
He doesn’t need them to remind him. They are getting so big that he can barely remember how small they were when he delivered them. While the prospect of them walking and growing is exciting, part of him wants to keep them small and sweet forever.
Somewhere along the line Sherri scoops both girls up and returns with them wearing matching outfits she purchased for this occasion. Wearing white polka-dotted dresses, they look 100% identical. And while it is adorable, it is almost eerie how much they mirror image each other.
It quickly becomes apparent that Paul and Sherri can’t tell the girls apart now. They keep calling Arianna by Brooke’s name because she keeps crawling towards Jensen.
Jensen corrects them politely but when Jared joins in and fixes his parents’ mistakes the younger man realizes he has to do something about it.
Doing the girls hair is a skill Jensen doesn’t possess, which is why it always impresses Jensen how quickly and deftly Jared can twist their hair up into an elastic band.
The girls have tons of hair and it is long enough for several hairstyles. In a minute Jared has Arianna’s hair swooped up into a tuft of hair on top of her head and Brooke’s pulled into two pig tails.
“There. Baby One has one ponytail and Baby Two has two ponytails.” Jared sets Brooke back onto the carpet and pats her rear as she gears up to crawl away.
After that, there is no confusion until Megan arrives. She immediately calls Brooke by Arianna’s name and deems herself the worst aunt again when she is informed of her error. She gets over it because the real Brooke takes to her immediately and she is so absorbed in playing with her nieces that she forgets her mistake. The room is full or laughter and baby giggles and Megan takes to teasing Jensen just as much as she teases Jared.
When Jeff arrives, Jensen catches Jared roll his eyes when his brother, just like the rest of his family, mixes his nieces’ names up.
They get things sorted out and the girls behave themselves through dinner. There are no repeats of the plane ride and all family members’ shirts remain unstained.
***********
Sherri set up a room for Jared and Jensen to share. There are two portable cribs Jensen figures Sherri and Paul bought along one of the room’s walls. Because the house is cramped, they have to share the room with the twins. Jensen doesn’t mind, he’s spent plenty of nights in the twin’s nursery and figures this won’t be much different.
Sometime after dinner but before dessert, Jared and Jensen disappear to put the girls to bed. They go down right away, exhausted from the trip and being passed from one relative to the next.
Almost every part of Jensen is begging for him to discuss the earlier contemplative look Jared had on his face. But, aside from the obvious rudeness, hiding out in the room would give Jared’s parents the wrong impressions. It is hard but Jensen knows he has to put the nerves eating away at him on hold.
So he forces himself to go down and enjoy dessert. They stay up way later than either man has in several weeks but when they finally collapse into the guest bedroom, Jensen feels like he has a good understanding of who Megan, Sherri, Paul, and Jeff are.
Jared is lying on his side facing Jensen, eyes happy but tired. The bed sheet is swooping down his body and pooling around his hips, leaving his nude upper body exposed. Jensen thinks his boyfriend has a type of lazy casual sexiness about him; it is an easiness they have worked months to find.
Jensen contemplates waiting until Jared is more awake to talk to him. His boyfriend isn’t exactly making it easy to choose talking over pressing up close to him. As much as Jensen wants to ravish the younger man, the twins are all but 3 feet away from them. Jensen may have imagined himself having sex with Jared in thousands of situations, but with the twins in close proximity isn’t one of them.
He has standards.
So instead he slips into bed, faces Jared and snakes a hand across Jared’s hip so that it rests on the small of his back. In a fluid movement, he applies pressure to his palm and Jared moves closer to him like clockwork. The taller man’s lips look like they are moving and parting to kiss Jensen’s but he stops short when Jensen voices his thoughts.
“We need to talk.” Jensen holds tight to Jared, preventing him from jerking away.
Jared screws his pursed lips to the side. "I am tired..." It's not an absolute refusal to talk but Jensen can tell that Jared is treading cautiously.
"I know you are. Me too." But he isn't tired enough to put the discussion off. Maybe it is due to the almost constant refilling of his wine glass (he swears Sherri must have magical refilling wine glasses because he never seemed to find the bottom of his wine glass until very late into the evening), but he can't stop the words from coming out of his mouth. "We need to talk about what happened earlier. About what Brooke said."
"Oh that."
"Yeah, that." Jensen pauses but it looks like Jared isn't going to take the opportunity to voice what he was thinking earlier without prompting. "You heard what she said."
"Of course I heard it."
"I thought it might be a fluke. But after tonight I don't think it is."
"No, she knew exactly what she was doing." Jared runs a hand through his hair and falls onto his back with a frustrated flop.
In the dim room it is hard for Jensen to decipher exactly what is frustrating his boyfriend. He wants to tell Jared how his heart practically did back flips when Brooke called out to him. He wants to make sure Jared knows just how much he wants to be a father to those little girls. He practically is one already. But, like the marriage conversation he had with Jared, aside from legal reasons, there is so much more meaning to being someone's actual father than just acting the part. But he doesn't want to assume too much or make Jared think he is trying to take control of his children. "We can put a stop to it...if you want...she is young enough and we can end it right now, just give her another name for me." He pauses, hoping Jared will disagree with the idea. Instead, the younger man stays silent. Silence is almost worse than Jared actually agreeing because now Jensen is stuck in a place of uncertainty. He proceeds with hope on his tongue. "Or we could just let her keep doing it. I don't mind." Jared is still silent. "I kind of like it." Reaching up, Jensen places a palm over the man's chest to feel the rhythmic thumping of his heart. "I love it actually."
Jared looks torn between being touched and both slightly broken and afraid. "Jen...." He lets the name drop off and falls silent again. His eyes have gone wider but he doesn't move.
Jensen feels Jared's heart rate increase and thump wildly on the edge of their decision. "You know I love them like my own. I was there when they were born and nearly every day after that." Jensen doesn't want to think about the nearly part of that sentence. He and Jared have fought, they're human, but he doesn't like thinking of times when both of them were hurting.
Jared sighs loudly, the noise coming straight from his soul. "I know you love them." He clasps Jensen's hand to his chest and rolls to face the man. "It's just...it's a lot." There is a pained expression on his face and he turns conflicted eyes to meet Jensen’s.
Jared’s hesitance isn’t anything new and Jensen is usually able to push past it, but right now it gnaws on his frustration. “I know. But what are they to me then? You and I both know that they are more than just ‘My Boyfriend’s Kids’.” There is vulnerability in his voice but it is being eked out by aggravation. He knows he has backed Jared into a corner but he can’t help himself. He’s willingly given himself to Jared, Arianna and Brooke without any expectations of something in return. He’s okay with that. But sometimes it makes him feel insulted or pushed to the side. He wants more, he needs more.
Jared rolls what Jensen just said over in his brain. He lets a deep breath out through his nose before pushing himself up to sit against the head board. “I want to Jensen…I really want to. But what happens if you aren’t there anymore? How do I explain to my girls that you are gone…that you aren’t their dad anymore? That’s not easy for a kid to understand.” His voice hitches and Jensen watches Jared’s own memories color his words. “They are so little Jensen. Their hearts couldn’t handle that type of betrayal. I barely did. I never want that for them.” His face warps from that of one trying to stay collected and strong to one on the verge of tears. The emotions trying to escape him trickle down his cheeks. “I might be able to understand why you left…but them? They can’t. They’ll ask why and think it is their faults.” The line between actuality and Jared projections is blurred.
Through he wants to be angry, Jensen doesn’t have it in him. Jared’s words dismantle his anger piece by piece and set to work on breaking his heart. “Jare…” He tries to pull Jared to him but the man resists until he ultimately gives in and latches onto his boyfriend. “You’ll never have to explain that to them.” Running a soothing hand through Jared’s hair, Jensen speaks into the curve of the man’s ear. “Do you want me to leave?” He feels Jared react to the bluntness of the question, limbs jolting into a second of stiffness.
“No!”
“Good, because I am not going anywhere.” Their hands snake around each other’s bodies. “I love you. And I love them. No matter what happens, I will never abandon them…or you.” The words are absolutely sincere. Jared is it for him. He has no plans on leaving. If he thinks about alternate universes where they somehow were to part, he knows that he couldn’t leave Arianna and Brooke. He’d rather die. But the same goes for Jared. He’s given Jared his heart, is never asking for it back, and he is certain that if they were to part his heart is gone for good and he wouldn’t be able to live without it.
“I can’t ask you to commit to that.” Jared wipes a tear away so he can see the older man more clearly.
“You don’t have to. I’m telling you.”
“Jen..”
Jensen cuts him off with a kiss. It holds more of a promise and a comfort than a simple show of affection. “Ask me Jared. Ask me to be their dad and I’ll say yes. I want to say yes.” Pausing a moment to look Jared square in the eyes, Jensen kisses Jared again, this time it is more frantic and needy.
Between their lips Jared is pulling in deep shaky breaths. His whole body is shivering with nightmares of his own memories, fear for his daughter’s well being, and the knocked of his feet feeling Jensen always leaves him with. Instead of answering, he compresses his body to Jensen’s and kisses him harder.
Getting both hands firmly curled around the younger man’s shoulders, he pushes him out of the kiss. “Ask me Jared.”
What comes out isn’t a question. “Don’t ever leave me.” Jared’s words are a contrast to who he normally is. Suddenly five year old Jared is sitting in the bed looking lost and hurt and abandoned, like his father walked out on him all over again.
“I’ll never leave. As long as you want me, I’ll never leave.”
“I’ll always want you Jensen.” Voice cracking, Jared pitches forward and buries himself in Jensen’s arms. They are a messy tangle of limbs and by this time Jared is crying freely. The emotions are tearing through him, unearthing scars again and draining the man faster than physical exertion ever can.
Jensen tries to calm his boyfriend by brushing their lips together. It becomes apparent that they are done discussing the subject matter. Jared is in no state to finish the serious discussion.
Regardless, the whole interaction isn’t for naught. Jared’s exposed a hidden vulnerability, given Jensen one more key to the locked doors in his head. He wants to keep Jensen in his life as much as Jensen wants to be there.
Even if Jared could compose himself enough to come up with an answer to Jensen’s original question, it doesn’t matter right now. At least he knows that Jensen takes his role in Arianna’s and Brooke’s life seriously.
“Shh, Jared. It’s okay. I’m here. You’re here. No one is going anywhere.”
They curl around each other and forget the time as they lay together in bed. It is hours later before Jensen is sure Jared’s breathing has patterned out into the slow rhythmic breathing of sleep. Jared is still keeping a strong hand interlaced with Jensen’s and the older man dare not move him. Only when he feels Jared’s soft breath fanning out across his neck does Jensen trust himself enough to find sleep.
*****************
The two weeks pass in a combination of slow and fast moments. Jensen finds himself daydreaming about how easy this life is, how everything fits into place and works the way it should. Life has slowed down and without the confines of a work schedule Jensen feels himself dissolve into their vacation.
But then he pulls himself out of the daydream and realizes the weeks have passed quickly and they have only one day left before boarding a plane and heading back home.
It also means that today is the girls’ first birthday.
A year ago today a faulty elevator changed the course of his life forever.
There are so many emotions wrapped into thinking about that one day, that one event, that one moment in time. The twins are here and they are safe, but sometimes he remembers the severe nature of their birth, the fear and panic Jared exuded, the feeling he had when they almost lost Brooke.
A year has passed and he has a lot to be thankful for, namely the people across the room who he is smiling at as he leans against the wall snapping pictures.
Brooke and Arianna are dressed in a new set of identical outfits, courtesy of Sherri. They are also donning their new signature hairstyles, Arianna in a ponytail and Brooke in bouncy pig-tails, so Jared’s family can tell them apart. Jared hates putting them in matching outfits and it is something he rarely does, but he goes along with it because his mother is gushing over how adorable they look in their pink voluminous tutus. The outfits are completely ridiculous and purposeless, but Jensen has to agree. They look like cotton candy in human form and they probably are the cause of just as many cavities. It is a struggle to get both of them strapped into their highchairs for their birthday cake, but they manage.
Even though they look like they have no idea what is going on, the girls sit through the whole family singing “Happy Birthday” to them. Arianna furrows her brow and tries to figure out what the big fuss is, but Brooke claps and throws her hands up at the end, laughing like she has just accomplished something spectacular.
She doesn’t know how right she is.
They give them cupcakes, big pink frothy mammoth confectionary treats, and the girls forget their confusion over the singing and promptly make a mess.
Arianna has never been shy. She digs right in, sticking her hands in the icing and smearing it all over her tiny lips in an attempt to get some of it in her mouth. She screams at Paul when he takes the cupcake away to remove the paper liner, but once she discovers she can now pull more of the cake apart she goes back to happily dissecting the dessert.
Brooke is more hesitant. She doesn’t know what to make of the cupcake at first. Instead over touching it, she goes face down into the icing, licking at it and smushing it all over her face. She ends up looking very much like a dog trying to get peanut butter out of his mouth as her lips make smacking sounds while she attempts to lick the icing off her face.
Sherri wants a picture of Jared with the girls, and she shoos Jared into the scene. He stands between the girls, crouching down to fit in the frame. She gets a good shot, both girls looking directly at the camera.
Arianna giggles and offers him an icing covered hand. “Papa!”
Jared laughs and sucks the icing off her fingers and mock nips at her, making Arianna squeal more.
Arianna goes back to exploring her cupcake, smearing icing on her hand again. This time she stretches forward across the tray of her highchair. She reaches her arm towards Jensen who is several paces away from her, safely tucked out of Sherri’s picture. Whining and reaching forward as far as she can with jerky movements, she gestures for Jensen with grabbing motions. “Da da!”
Jensen’s eye pop open and he hits himself on the bridge of his nose with the palm of his hand. Brooke has been stuck on the ‘da da’ thing all week, but it is the first time Arianna has joined in.
Apparently it is contagious.
“Da da!” Arianna is still whining and wiggling even though her attempts to get closer to the man are futile.
Before he can even respond, Megan elbows him in the ribs and shoves him forward. “Get in there.” She smiles and snatches the camera out of Jensen’s hands and smirks.
Though he stumbles at first, Jensen finds his footing and gracefully squeezes between the two highchairs and lands beside Jared but closer to Arianna than Brooke. He kisses the one year old on the cheek, not caring that she is covered in icing. Arianna laughs when he blows a raspberry against her chubby cheek and she smacks at him with her icing covered hands, getting him almost as messy as she is.
Jensen pulls back with a sugary buttercream taste in his mouth. He turns to check on Brooke but Jared is still crouching down between his daughters and they come face to face, almost nose to nose.
Jared’s eyes survey the icing coating Jensen’s face and he gives and open mouthed laugh. “You’re a good sport,” there is a deliberate pause in his words, “dad.”
Staring at Jared, Jensen is shell-shocked. He wants to make sure he heard correctly, or that Jared really is talking to him. The suddenness of the revelation isn’t surprising; it is how Jared’s always works. “Yeah?” There is a lot weighing on those words and Jensen wants them very much to be true.
“Yeah.” His voice goes to a low whisper, making the conversation just between the two of them even though they are in a room full of people who have their eyes on them. “I really want you to be their dad.”
Though Jared’s family doesn’t know exactly what is going on between the two men, they are aware that they are watching something happen. When Jensen leans in to kiss Jared, a camera flash goes off, followed by another. Jensen is slightly unsettled by the fact that they are being watched by Jared’s whole family, but any embarrassment he has is replaced by the overflowing exuberance he feels from their exchange. He’s smiling into the kiss and is pretty sure he let out an exclamation of happiness.
Jared doesn’t seem fazed by it. He juts his chin and kisses Jensen as hard as he can muster, licking remnants of icing away in the process. Someone cat calls but he doesn’t let up. When another flash goes off, he finally pulls away. Looking a little dazed, Jared licks icing off his lips and blinks several times before smiling at his family bashfully. “Sorry.”
Jensen gives a similar smile, shrugging his shoulders and smiling ear to ear.
But there isn’t any reason for apologies. No one looks like they are expecting one. The knowing expression is back on Paul’s face and Sherri looks like she is smiling so hard she might actually cry.
With a mischievous glint in his eye, Jensen rushes Jared, wrapping his arms around the man and kissing him thoroughly before leaving him breathless. Twenty minutes ago he was mourning going back home and back to the work place, but now he can’t wait to bring Jared home and start being the family he was hoping they were taking steps to becoming.
Jared is all smiles, making Jensen understand that he is more than happy with the way he just changed their relationship.
“I hope you know what you are getting into.” Jared raises an eyebrow and gives a half smirk.
Jensen has no idea, but he is pretty sure Jared doesn’t either. But he does know that they will figure it out as they go along. Brooke pulls on his shirt and reminds him just why they are going to have no problem figuring it out.
“Da da,” she throws her hands up in the air, “big!” She is mimicking Jensen’s routine of acting surprised at how big she is and the man has to give her credit for looking much cuter doing it.
“Yeah baby, you’re my big girl.” It’s the first time Jensen has used that exact phrasing and he likes the way Jared’s smile perks up at the words. He makes quick work of unbuckling the highchair's safety straps and pulls her into his arms. He doesn’t care that she has crumbs and icing all over her; he just wants to have her in his arms.
“Ok! Whole family picture!” Sherri breaks them all out of the moment and pushes her way towards the twins.
The words leave Jensen uncertain as to his role in this picture. It is still instinct to see himself as an outsider in terms of Jared’s life, but when he tries to hand Brooke to Sherri she pushes the baby back into his arms.
“I said family picture. That means you too sweetie. Paul has set the camera for a timed shot. That way we can all be in it.”
Mouthing a ‘thank you’ to the woman, Jensen is touched by the meaning behind her actions. He knows it is just a picture, but it means so much more to him. It means someone wants him to stay rather than visit.
It takes a moment to get everyone situated but soon enough Jensen is seeing spots from the flash. Brooke is hugging onto him and Jared, with Arianna on his hip, is squeezing his hand. He doesn’t need to see clearly to know that they just blazed a new path.
He isn’t delusional. He knows they have many more hurdles to overcome. But he also knows everyone deserves their moments of simple happiness, and right now he doesn’t have to see to find that. He has it squeezing his hand tightly and babbling baby talk in his ear.