Chapter Text
Hope Lupin always knew her little boy was special in ways she couldn’t understand yet.
She was aware of the fact ever since that night in the hospital five years ago. It was the tenth of March, when her first and only son was born. Remus, as she had named him, was born premature and in critical condition, yet already he was the object of his mother’s dearest desires. When the nurses brought him to her, he stopped crying immediately and gave his mother a wiry smile; as if he recognized his mother from tender touch alone. It was her favourite memory; the one she was reminded of when her five year old son clung on to her, looking up with his sad glassy eyes, begging her to take him with her.
“Please mum, please don’t leave me,” he repeated between his cries. It took everything in her to not cry, she had to be strong for her son. It was raining fiercely that day, and the lightning soared through heavy grey clouds.
“This is everything, keep this safe Ben, I need you to remember, it's very important. I don’t have much time left—” Lyall instructed Ben, his brother, quickly.
May, who was Ben’s wife, tried her best to hold on to Remus and to comfort him. Everything happened so fast, she didn’t understand much but the moment she opened the front door for Lyall and Hope Lupin, she knew it was serious and urgent.
Hope kneeled down and cupped her son’s face, wiping away his tears. Remus, who was in his aunt’s arms, leaned into his mother’s touch.
“Remus, darling, it’s okay. Don’t cry Remmie, look at me… daddy has to go to work, okay? We’ll be back soon. I need you to be strong, you have to take care of your uncle and auntie. Can you do that for me?” She spoke in a quiet, but firm voice.
“Remus, dear, can you do that for me?” She repeated again, and this time Remus nodded weakly. Hope hugged him for the last time, barely able to swallow in her own cries. “That’s my good boy. My beautiful boy. Mum loves you, Remus. Daddy loves you, always remember that.”
Lyall hugged Ben once tightly, and when he let go he turned to his wife and son. “It’s time, Hope.”
Hope nodded in understanding, and squeezed Remus’s hand one last time. A last unspoken ‘i love you’, and Remus understood it because he squeezed her hand in reply.
“Oh, Remus… come ‘ere buddy.”
Remus smiled finally, and ran up to his father who held him up in his arms and hugged him. Lyall looked back at his wife sadly and rubbed his son’s back.
“I have a gift for you, it’s a secret.” He whispered in his ear a goofy tone.
“What is it, daddy?”
Lyall pulled a small box out of his bag, and showed it to Remus. He shaked it lightly to create suspense, to which Remus chuckled.
“It's your birthday gift, but I need you to promise me that you will be good to your aunt and uncle.”
Remus reached for the box, without replying, to which Lyall reacted by repeating his sentence. He handed his son the box only when he had promised.
Lyall put Remus down, who stood there between four worrying adults, holding his gift box tightly to his chest.
Hope and Lyall grabbed their bags again, and turned to head out the door. Lyall snooped down one last time to place a kiss on Remus's forehead, and quickly mumbled a half goodbye and never looked back. Hope turned to follow her husband out the door, drenched in the pouring rain she looked back one last time, at May who was holding Remus in her arms. May nodded to reassure her, an unsaid promise that Hope understood, that she would love her boy for the rest of her life and do the best she could to raise him. That her son would be loved and cherished, and safe. With tears in her eyes, Hope turned her head and got in the car where Lyall was waiting for her.
It was the last time anyone ever saw his parents, for they would die in that very car.
The car crash was sudden, but to aunt May and uncle Ben, it was expected.
They barely ever talked of that night, and whenever Remus asked they would repeat the same story. “It's unfortunate”, they would say, “no one ought to have expected it; despite the heavy rain, Lyall was an exceptional driver. They loved you very much Remus, they would have wanted you to know that.”
But behind uncle Ben’s eyes, Remus always saw some form of lingering guilt. It was present every birthday that Remus had, growing in intensity whenever uncle Ben thought no one was looking.
It led him to believe that he was hiding something, but uncle Ben swore it off every time he asked. By the time he turned fourteen, he gave up and stopped asking. It was for the better of all of them, Remus thought. It always ruined the mood and made everyone sad, and Remus felt guilty for it because his uncle and aunt were the happiest people he knew. It hurt Remus to make them sad, so he kept quiet.
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The first day of junior year of high school is everything Remus expected it to be.
He wore the same pair of jeans from last year, his favourite navy blue shirt and a light brown jacket. Listening to music made everything slightly more bearable, the hallways were filled with energetic seniors and awkward freshmen, and constant chattering. Remus was good at school, as his aunt and uncle proudly told anyone who’d listen, he did remarkably well— better than good, as Aunt May would describe it. He was the photographer for almost all the clubs on campus and often got the highest grade in the class, if he hadn’t had to compete with Barty. Most of the time, they’d get the same grade— a round-off perfect 100— but on rare occasions, they’d be overshadowed by no other than Regulus Black. He pulled this year’s debate club photo out of his bag and pinned it on the bulletin board as he was told to. The bell rang and Remus removed his wired earphones, roughly shoving them in his jacket’s right pocket.
“Oi! Looney, watch out!”
Before Remus’s mind could register the information, a basketball hit the side of his head and the jolt knocked him over; he leaned towards the wall for support and balance while he held his head to suppress the throbbing pain.
“Oh! Sorry…” Barty teased, clearly pretending the hit was purely accidental. Boys snickered and laughed behind him, the same losers that made his last year a living hell.
Remus nodded annoyingly, to avoid getting into fights. “Mornin’ Barty.”
The group of boys walked past, laughing and chattering away. “Goooodd morning, Lupin!” Barty exclaimed as he elbowed Remus, which earned him the satisfaction of another round of laughs.
Remus looked down at his shoes, biting his tongue to stop himself from speaking. He picked up his skateboard and put his earphones back in, and walked towards his locker. The halls were loud, just as he expected. Girls chattering away happily hugging their friends, boys forming groups in corners, and mostly locating their locker rooms and sharing stories of just how wonderful summer break was. Remus couldn’t relate to any of this, he had no friends to talk to— and besides, what on earth was that exciting about summer break, or school?!
If he told anyone he had spent his summer studying science and engineering, he was sure they and their cousins would stop by to laugh at him. For him, that was just the way things were. Over the years, he had learned to like the lonely hours. He enjoyed his own company and besides, he already had a lot he wanted to do, and he wanted to do it all alone.
“Hey, it’s Remus, right?” a girl stopped him to ask.
Remus nodded, and removed one of his earphones to listen. This girl was very pretty, and she knew his name, but Remus wasn’t sure if he had ever seen her before.
“I really like your photos.”
“Oh, thanks, thanks.” The bell rang a second time, and now Remus was sure he’d be late to his class if he didn’t get going now.
“...are you free Friday night?”
Remus stood frozen in place, unsure of what to say. He was free Friday night (or any night, really) and he wasn’t exactly dating anyone. “Um, well…”
The girl interrupted him, understanding the blank expression on his face as a no.
“Cool. Can you take pictures of my boyfriend’s car?”
Remus silently smiled in disbelief.
“You know, I really really want to frame a good one for his birthday.”
“That’s very nice of you… Wow, that’s such a nice thought.” He looked around, fidgeting with the skateboard in his left hand awkwardly. “Yeah, yeah.. Well, I'll have a look at the old…” He paused repeatedly looking for words to say, “the old schedule, okay?”
“Okay, thanks”
Remus nodded back and skateboarded through the hallway. His locker was in the hallway next to this one.
“No skateboarding in the hallways, Lupin!”
“Yes, sir!”
He took his board off the floor and hid it behind his back as he walked up to his teacher.
“You wanna keep that skateboard?”
“Y-yeah”
“Keep it off the ground.”
“Sure, yeah”
“Wheels up, Lupin!”
Remus held it above his head, the back of his board facing upwards.
“Like that?”
“That’s it, boy.” he heard Mr. Anderson reply, but he was already by the end of the hallway. As soon as he was out of his eyeview, he put the skateboard back on the ground.
He sighed when he saw the poor condition of his locker. It was covered in glue and grass, and… pencil shavings. The first goddamn day of school, and it could only be Remus John Lupin that got pranked before he even sat in a classroom. Remus touched it carefully, and slowly opened the locker door to grab his book and reluctantly put his skateboard in.
He wasn't sure what to do, really. If he talked back or replied, it would end in a fight. He didn’t want to give his Aunt and Uncle more stress in their old age so he never mentioned anything at home; to keep that fake impression up he had to make sure to not give Miss McGonagall a reason to call them. If he pranked them back, even anonymously, they would get worse without regard to any proof that it was him who ‘challenged’ them— and that would make Remus want to punch Barty even more.
But everyone now and then, someone did start a fight. Almost all of the boys, bullies and victims alike, would be sent to the principal’s office and get punished for what the teachers noticed them doing.
All of them except Barty Crouch Jr. and Severus Snape.
If Barty weren’t such a ‘gifted’ student who brought back the school countless awards from both sports and extra curriculars, he ought to have been expelled years ago, or at least repeatedly suspended. The same was with Snape, except for years Remus couldn’t figure out why exactly he was let go short so often. Don’t get it wrong, Snape was smart, but nowhere as smart as Barty or him. He would get an A, mostly Bs, and occasional Cs in all subjects except Chemistry, in which he’d always get an A+.
Last term, in February, Remus was waiting outside the principal’s office after school (he needed Miss McGonagall to sign something), and he saw Snape walking out the counselor's office. Snape caught him looking, and gave him his signature sour expression. Remus started paying attention since then, and realized that Snape had problems at home. By the end of the term, a new rumor started to spread about him, that his mother nearly set herself and her son on fire mid-argument, and that his parents were likely to get divorced in the foreseeable future. The week after, the rumor blurred out and people found new things to talk about, especially with prom coming up back then.
Barely anyone remembered the rumors after the long summer break, and if they did, they thought it wasn’t true because Mr. and Mrs. Snape looked perfectly fine in public. But Remus had a feeling part of it was true, and even when Severus was being the slimy bastard he was, part of Remus pitied him. Maybe he could’ve been a better person if his up-bringing wasn’t fucked up, but hey? Who was Remus to talk about these things? For one, he was orphaned at the ripe age of five.
Remus got out the halls, and stepped outside in the school common grounds to get to his class. He had to cross it to get to the other side, but he stopped in his tracks when he spotted Regulus Black sitting on the far end bench reading a book.
In the moment, he realized how much he missed him. Although he had never talked to Regulus, or even sat beside him in class, he still thought he was the most wonderful person to ever have walked this earth. (except Bowie of course, but only Uncle Ben was allowed to bring up his strange obsession with David Bowie)
No one would have agreed with him, other than Barty who acted differently around Regulus as if he wasn’t shoving people’s heads into toilets during lunch break. Regulus was quiet, and only a handful of people had actually heard him talk, but he wasn’t shy. He never once raised his hand in class, and when the teachers would ask him a question— no matter how hard— he always answered correctly. Mr. Anderson, the English teacher, was particularly fond of him. By the end of every lesson, Mr. Anderson would hand Regulus a new book, and they’d sit down together for a few minutes to talk about the previous one. Sometimes Remus got jealous, although he wasn’t sure if it was Regulus who he envied or Mr. Anderson.
Today Regulus was reading Moby-Dick. Remus made a mental note to read it later, it must be good because this was the third time he was reading it. Regulus was wearing black pants, a dark green sweater and a white collar underneath. His black hair was tidy, and the curls were longer than usual. This new look suited him well.
He usually wouldn’t admit it, but Regulus, he was… beautiful. He was different from everyone. Remus was sure when god made him, he made sure Regulus was carved from a different special clay and was truly one of a kind.
Remus quickly pulled his camera from his bag and clicked a picture. He ran to his chemistry class after, which was empty, so the class must’ve left for the lab. He ran all the way there, knowing he was already late. Evidently so, he was twelve minutes late but Mr. Slughorn excused him because it was the first day of term.
Remus was relieved to know Barty wasn’t in his chemistry class this year. Snape and other friends of his were there, but they were fairly civil in class, especially when Barty wasn’t in proximity. Regulus wasn’t there, but again there were plenty of empty seats so he didn’t lose all hope. English was next, and part of him really hoped that Regulus would be in his class this year too. English was Regulus’s—- and by correlation, also Remus’s— favourite class.
________________________
“Good morning, Billy.” The man in the heavy brown coat wearing big glasses shaked the hand of the frail boy in front of him, and then moved on to the boy beside him. “How’s your father, Sam?"
Students entered the classroom one after another, and Mr. Anderson took the time to greet them all.
“Hello Remus, good to have you in my class again. Hope you had a good summer?”
“Plenty good, sir. Good to see you, too.”
“Settle in down now, will you? Your table’s by the left.”
Mr. Anderson quickly turned his attention towards the next student. Remus stood, confused, and questioned him. “My table, sir?”
“Seats are fixed from now onwards, find your roll number from the list on the board and sit down.”
Among the plentiful students in the room, Remus was one of the few that stayed unmoving for he was thinking. His roll number… right.
He went over back to the entrance of the room, the board was right beside the door. His eyes glanced over the sheet, skimming over names that weren’t his. The roll numbers were allocated in alphabetical order, and there were even allocated… partners. He looked over the As, and then the Bs and so on. His index finger moving down the sheet as he did.
Nicholas Braun - table 16 - #45840
Penelope Waters - table 16 - #45892
Remus Lupin - table 17 - #45739
Remus paused when he got to his name, trying to memorize his roll number. He removed his finger, but something else caught his attention.
Regulus Black - table 17 - #45785
His mind almost felt like it glitched. My partner is Regulus Black?!
“Settle in students! Mr. Lupin, I hope your hearing is intact.” He said firmly. He just now was aware of how long he’d been standing in front.
“Yes, sir.” Remus replied quietly momentarily after. He walked over to his desk, on the left side of the room. Two desks put together, with no space in between. Chairs directly next to each other. Remus sighed as he scratched the back of his head and sat down on the chair closer to the wall. He got his pen and book out his bag, neatly, on his side of the table. He waited for him.
Regulus arrived finally, when Mr. Anderson was two minutes into class. Once again, he didn’t speak. He stood at the door and looked at Mr. Anderson, like it was a question. Can I come in? Mr. Anderson nodded in approval.
“Settle in Mr. Black. Now! Stand up if you haven’t brought your books today.”
Many students stood up in response. Regulus quickly snuck behind Mr. Anderson and sat on the only seat available. Next to him.
“You can sit down today, but make sure to bring your books tomorrow. I’d hate to have half the class standing all throughout class.” He sighed.
Mr. Anderson continued conducting his class, talking about Greek mythology.
At times, Remus felt like saying something— but every time he opened his mouth no words came out. Regulus looked at him once, when he sat down beside him. Ever since then his eyes were fixed on Mr. Anderson, or the white board, and would occasionally travel back to the text on the book in his hands. Remus gave up, and just paid attention to what his teacher was saying.
“I hope you all are aware of your partners. Your partner is someone you will be regularly asked to complete tasks with, and your work will be evaluated and graded as a team. You will help each other, and cooperate. Is that understood?”
“Yes, sir!” The front of the class sang in unison.
“Good. Your first assignment is to write a paper on a character, or story, from Greek mythology. You are free to choose any one to write about. You will discuss it with your partner, and share thoughts until you agree on how you interpret the story or character. The paper must be written with combined effort, this your first pair assignment so you have until Wednesday. I must repeat this, I expect nothing less than coordinated and proper group effort. We have five minutes until this block is over, if you have any questions, this is your time.”
The girl in the right front row raised her hand, and Mr. Anderson walked over to her desk and engaged in conversation. Remus looked at Regulus again, but he was now firmly focused on reading the book from earlier. Moby-Dick. Remus slouched back in his chair in defeat.
The bell rang, and this meant Math was next. Remus shoved his things into his bag, and wore the hood of his jacket again. He headed out with the rest of the class, but Regulus didn’t.
The class was soon empty and Regulus stood near the teacher’s table, Mr. Anderson sitting on the chair in front of it. They talked for a bit, and at one point Regulus even smiled. Remus felt like a complete fool, but the truth was that the sight of Regulus Black smiling simply made him smile so hard his cheeks hurt. Barely a minute later, Mr. Anderson got a new book from his drawer and handed it to Regulus.
Regulus turned to his right, and met eyes with Remus. He had a glint of shock in his green eyes. He headed out, fully walking past Remus as if he didn’t exist. Remus followed behind anyway.
“Hey, about the assignment—”
Regulus suddenly stopped in his tracks, and turned his head to look directly at Remus.
“I’ll do it myself. You can read it tomorrow if you want. You’ll do the next.”
Regulus turned, and continued walking before Remus could answer. Even though Remus didn’t want to be clingy, he still walked behind him all the way to his next class. Afterall, they had the same classes, and they were.. partners. At least that’s what the list said they were.
________________________
The next two classes went by the same. Remus would sit down beside Regulus, who wouldn’t interact with him at all. If Remus didn’t already know Regulus, he would’ve assumed he was partially deaf, or mute—- or maybe both. It was annoying, but sort of peaceful. Remus liked silence, and he didn’t enjoy talking much. With Regulus, he never had to, and was never expected to do anything. It felt like a breath of fresh air within weeks of breathing smoke.
During the lunch break, Remus snuck out and climbed his favourite tree in the common grounds. He munched away the sandwich Aunt May made for him, as he fidgeted around with his camera, looking through it to see the world through lens.
Regulus, as expected, completely disappeared as soon as the bell rang for lunch. And this time, Remus didn’t bother looking for him, because now if he did, Regulus would know.