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"It wasn't me."
Lex already said it before Clark even mentioned anything. He didn't even look him in the eye.
"What did you think I was going to say?" Clark said, trying to at least appear a little bit menacing while towering over him. Lex eyed him briefly, then stared out of the window again as if the birds and clouds were really interesting to him somehow.
"Hashtag Supertickle," Lex pronounced dryly. "You think it was me, and it was not."
"Of course I think it was you. I'll never forget you and your monkeys," Clark said, clenching his fist. Lex Luthor, once again succeeding at making his blood boil!
They got along a little better, lately. Only a little.
Ever since they could use his cooperation for a case, and as Lois would say in her beautiful words, thanks to Clark's exquisite skill of forgiveness, he would see Lex once in a while.
The case involved multiple evil Superman surprise-clones popping up in the most unexpected places, and after it was ruled out that Lex Luthor could in no way be involved, his cooperation was requested in exchange for a lower sentence.
Lex Luthor, unhealthily eager and motivated to help take down multiple Supermen, not of his own making, was pleased to accept. He was given his own little office, very well-guarded, with very safe and well-protected software and internet accounts, only to aid them in their mission. Well, and apparently to keep up to the latest trends such as #SuperTickle.
Despite their history, Clark didn't mind it much. In fact, he had been the one to request Lex's assistance and made this collaboration possible, despite the doubts many people had.
Even without the current 24/7 supervision, Clark believed Lex Luthor formed no more threat without his goons and technology, but due to their little personality clashes and disagreements sometimes, it wasn't crazy for him to think that Lex would try to rage-bait him every once in a while.
Which he already did, multiple times. Being the clever and annoying little shit he was. But the trending #SuperTickle that somehow spread rumors about how ticklish Superman was, and how easy it was to take him down, including the most hysterical memes, cringeworthy and horrible AI stuff, and more - that was just a step too far.
"It wasn't me," Lex said again, calmly, and he sipped his drink from his mug that proudly said: #SuperShit. Clark already got over that annoyance, although he had mostly learned not to look at it. It was immature to lose his temper over this.
"First of all," Clark said, ignoring his protest. "SuperTickle is really lame. At least make it SuperTicklish, that would make more sense."
"SuperTickle rolls better off the tongue - is what my argument would be if I did it. Which I didn't. No more monkeys, no more hashtags. Why don't you just accept the fact that more people are after your... ticklish ass, Superman?"
Clark wheezed. How dare he!
Alright, count to ten. Stay calm. He listened to Lois' distant voice in his mind like some kind of mantra. The way she would always calm him down whenever he would lose his temper again, something that happened rather quickly whenever Lex was involved, even in mere talks about him.
"You're asking for it, you know?" he asked, watching Lex sit here calmly while Clark was raging about some tickle hashtag like a stupid fool. This entire situation riled him up even more.
"I'm not asking for anything," Lex said, and he calmly slurped his drink again.
That's it! Clark grabbed his arm and pulled him out of his chair. The mug fell from his hand and clashed in pieces on the floor.
"That's my favorite mug, Superman," Lex complained, even when Clark threw him on top of his desk, pinning him down.
"I'll buy you a new one," Clark said, glaring at him. He wasn't even lying. He was Superman, not one to destroy other's properties. No matter how much he hated those items.
"Good. I'd like to request the exact same one. You will get it for me, that's a promise. Also, what are you doing? You should remember you're not allowed to harm me."
Still calm and frustrating. However, Clark remembered very well what started it in the first place, and he smirked.
"I know. Don't worry, I'm not harming you. I'll just act according to my, eh, what shall we say... new hashtag?"
Lex jolted when Clark rested his hand against his side. His eyes widened. "You wouldn't."
"Why not? You don't happen to be ticklish, hmm?"
"N-no ohof c-course not! Quit ihit, this is ridiculous!" Lex giggled angrily. Clark was already tickling him. Lex squirmed but could do very little against him and his superstrength.
"Well... If you're not ticklish, then some #SuperTickle wouldn't hurt, I guess."
"Supermahan- you're a super insahane- p-piece of sh-AHAHAH!"
"A piece of shahaha, well I haven't heard that one before. I like it. Was that a giggle?" Clark asked smugly.
It wasn't actually a giggle but already a loud, pitchy belly laugh. Well, suddenly Lex was a lot less annoying. Laughing, squirming and squeaking at his mercy. Lovely.
"I like you a lot better this way. Much more tolerable," Clark said with full confidence while he made Lex Luthor squeal, just because of some tickles.
"Y-you cahan't do this- Supermahahah! R-relehease me thihis instahahant!"
"Hmm, nah. Now that I think about it, #SuperTickle does have a nice ring to it. You're right. Yeah, you're actually right," Clark said, pretending as if he was in deep thoughts while his fingers danced mercilessly all over Lex's tummy and sides.
He only needed one hand to pin him down, one hand to tickle him, and the party was complete.
"GEHEhee! I sahahaid it wahahasn't mehehe! S-stohohop!"
"And you also said you weren't ticklish. Clearly, you are a liar. I don't like liars," Clark said. Oh he felt so good. The more he teased and tickled, the more Lex laughed, and the more encouraged he felt!
This was the best form of entertainment. #SuperTickle. It did sound very nice. He didn't mind it anymore.
"Don't you dare- dohohon't you dahahare- AHH!" Lex shrieked when Clark reached for his ribs, and he wiggled his fingers slightly while his hand climbed up to touch his armpit.
Clark glanced in the direction of the door, wondering what the guards outside would think after hearing that shriek, but anyway. He continued to aim for that ticklish armpit.
Was it weird to tickle him there? He just felt curious. Using his tickle fights with Lois as an inspiration, he just thought they belonged to the tickle spots one had to try if they got the chance.
"I think I would dare it," he said, and Lex let out the funniest little cackle ever as soon as he tickled his armpit. Moving his free hand, Clark gently pinned both Lex's arms above his head and tickled his him with his other one.
"AHAahaha! You're insahahane!"
"You already told me," Clark said. Hmm. Perhaps he shouldn't turn into a merciless tickle monster now. Even people like Lex did not deserve to be tortured, and right now, Clark - er - Superman's tickle attack was quite close to the definition of real tickle torture.
With that in mind, he only briefly tickled his tummy again, and he enjoyed the way he squeaked. He then finally released him and watched him slowly slide off the desk onto the floor, completely out of breath.
"Y-you stepped out of line, you t-tickle alien," he wheezed.
"For which I apologize," Clark said with a smile, still very entertained by all this and not at all offended by the alien part. He preferred the term tickle monster though. Sounded better.
"I h-hate you so much," he panted. Clark snorted.
"That's alright. Well, as long as you know I won't tolerate any hashtag or secret monkey prank from you ever again. Got it?"
Lex responded with a cute, angry little growl, and Clark quickly left him alone again before he would actually get in trouble.
"All is well," he told the guard standing outside Lex's office for his supervision, with a curious and confused look on his face.
Clark walked away, smirking. Lex Luthor laughing his bald head off was nothing to be concerned around. It made the world a better place.
He went through the rest of his day and in the end, returned back home where Lois was waiting for him.
"You look like you finally got that nasty hatefuck," she told him with a smug grin, immediately recognizing that satisfied look on his face. She knew he was going to see Lex and confront him about his newest frustration. Which wasn't a frustration anymore.
"Stop saying hatefuck Lois," he complained, but then she shoved her own phone in his hand, and he looked at what she was showing him.
"You were being so salty about it, I actually did some online digging and found the source of the hashtag for you. Here it is."
Clark's eyes widened. That's Lois Lane, she was amazing as always. However... He frowned and watched the photo of him, as Superman, and Lois with her back to the camera and therefore unrecognizable, but what was clearly visible: she was tickling him.
It was one of the moments when they were seeing each other in public after one of his many saviors when Lois would show up to have her quick exclusive interview with him, and somehow, for some reason she must've tickled him. Well... that happened once in a while, but usually they were careful with such behavior.
This time it got caught on camera by someone, and posted on the internet with:
#Superman #SuperTickle #SuperTicklish 👀
Of which the hashtag SuperTickle started to lead its own life until it was trending. She even showed him some screenshots of the guiltiest reposts that were very responsible for its growing popularity.
Lois smirked. "In other words, in the end it's my fault. What're you gonna do about it?"
Clark chuckled and rolled his eyes fondly. "Probably something you won't allow," he said.
He may have tickled Lex to death with actually, now that he thought about it, quite little effort. But he knew from a lot of experience that Lois would first make a huge scene and that it was going to be loud, chaotic and tough, whether he used his superstrength or not.
"Try me," she said with a mischievous smirk.
Although Clark didn't mind the hashtag that much anymore, he did not mind using it as his inspiration for his second tickle attack of the day, feeding on bright, contagious laughter and positivity. Now that was some real punk rock!