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the door gently clicks behind robin. her eyes were pink with weed, the joint inbetween her fingers. she stubs it out on the bathroom counter as she locks the door behind her. “nancy..” she starts, but gets cut off. “get the fuck out.” nancy was kneeling at the toilet, puking her guts out. she had drank way too much for one night. like usual. “get the fuck out, robin. i don’t want you h- hh-“ she begins to heave again, and robin is by her side in a second. “hey, i got you.” robin gathers nancy’s curls, usually soft but now stringy and unkept. robin gently ties her hair in a ponytail.
her hand rubs her back, trying to comfort her. “i’m here.” she murmurs. robin knew she should go. shouldn’t spend another night like this. another night taking care of nancy when she could be out actually enjoying herself in the party. dancing with her friends and maybe finding a girlfriend. someone who loved her, cared about her. not like whatever her and nancy were. nancy finishes this round of puking and sits back, slumping against the bathtub wall as she sobs. she looked like shit. snot running down her upper lip, saliva and puke down her chin, tears and mascara down her flushed cheeks. “i hate you,” she sobs. “leave me alone.”
robin’s heart twists. “i know. i know. but i can’t leave you alone like this. you’re way too fucked up.” robin grabs some toilet paper, gently wiping off the various fluids from nancy’s face. they used to be just friends, her and nancy. best friends. but it all changed after a single make-out session. robin had been in love with nancy for so long, and when they finally kissed it felt like heaven. but for nancy it was different. the kiss blossomed a bunch of emotion in her heart, but they weren’t all good.
things became complicated between them, because nancy’s world had flipped. she had her entire life planned out. graduate college with her degree in journalism, move to new york and become a famous journalist, writing articles about various topics. she wanted to do it all. report on local news, food, events, celebrities, everything. she would be amazing. and her husband would be amazing too. it wouldn’t be johnny or steve, she knew deep down neither of those would last. but it would be a husband, and he would be perfect. maybe a construction worker, with a nice body and hardworking heart. or.. an accountant, or something. that made good money.
but when her and robin kissed, planting the idea that the person in her future might be a girl, it ruined her. because now she wasn’t perfect. now she was stained with these.. thoughts. these thoughts that kept her up at night, about being disgusting, a sinner, a failure to her family. how could she give her parents grandchildren if she was a dyke? the funny thing was that her family wasn’t even all that religious, but ever since her and robin got.. weird, she couldn’t stop thinking about hell. after all, almost everyone in hawkins was religious. and if she didn’t go to hell she would be shunned by her entire community.
nancy started to party more. sweet nancy who would usually pick studying or writing over going out turned into a party girl. robin didn’t join her at the parties at first, but steve had brought her along one time. and then nancy had dragged her away, brought her to an empty room. the first time they fucked was sloppy. robin was barely buzzed and nancy was wasted. robin knew it wasn’t a good idea, but when the girl of her dreams was throwing herself at her, it was hard to say no. and for nancy, the booze helped her forget. helped her forget her life plan, her future husband and kids, helped her forget the stupid town that would cast her aside if they found out she liked a girl, helped her forget her fears of hell, helped her forget her own self-hatred for falling in love with robin buckely.
in the morning, nancy was horrified with herself. she left immediately after waking up, leaving robin in a cold bed. and then that just became routine. nancy would go to parties and robin would go with. they would get drunk and fuck and then nancy would ignore robin when she was sober. they went from best friends to pretty much nothing and it broke robin’s heart. but, it gradually moved away from drunk fucking, and more to a sober or slightly buzzed robin taking care of shitfaced nancy. like now.
“you can leave me alone!” nancy hiccups, whining as she swats robin’s hand away from her face. “i’m fine! i can take care of myself!” robin shakes her head, tossing the dirty toilet paper in the toilet before shutting the lid and flushing it. “you can’t even stand, nance. i just- i can’t imagine some- some guy coming in here and..” she trailed off, standing up and shaking her head. she grabs the cup with toothbrushes in it, dumping out the toothbrushes and giving it a quick wash before filling it with water and handing it to nancy. “swish your mouth.” she mumbles.
robin was going through it as well. she didn’t know what to do with herself anymore. her best friend had turned into.. this. they didn’t even talk anymore when nancy was sober. and when nancy was drunk they either had a quick fuck where nancy would leave in the morning, or nancy would be too ruined to see straight and would rely on robin to take care of her. it was torture. she knew she was being used, of course she did, but she had loved nancy for so so long, and she was still her best friend, technically. she figured having just a little bit of nancy was better than none.. but she also knew that was bullshit. she was just so scared of being alone. she was with vickie for a few months before vickie cheated on her with her ex, and that messed her up. it was her first relationship. and her second one is.. this. and she was desperate and stupid enough to stay.
nancy reluctantly takes a drink of water, swishing it before spitting it into the bath. “you can go now. i don’t want you here.” nancy’s voice was very very hoarse from all the puking. “well you can’t be alone. do you want me to get steve or something?” robin murmurs. “no!” nancy’s stomach lurched at the mention of steve, and she felt like she might puke again. “okay. then i’m staying.” robin wished that one day nancy would come to terms with her sexuality and love robin freely. or that nancy would just reject robin and then that would be it. they could go back to being friends or they wouldn’t, robin didn’t care at this point. she just wanted nancy back to normal. healthy.
“do you hate me?” nancy whispers, sobbing once more. robin stayed silent. she couldn’t answer that. she didn’t know if she did or not, not anymore. robin searches the cabinets for mouthwash and grabs it from beneath the sink, handing it to nancy. nancy uses the mouthwash, and then continues to cry. “i’m s-sorry. i’m sorry. robin..” she hiccups. “i’m a horrible person.” she brings her knees to her chest, hugging herself. robin sighs, walking over and sitting next to nancy. she places a hand on her knee.
“i’ve done… so many bad things to you.. i- i treat you like shit. and you still keep coming back. wh.. why? why?! can’t you see how f-fucked up that is?! why do you keep coming back to me? taking c-care of me- i- i don’t get it.” robin just listens silently, feeling her own eyes start to well with tears. “i hate you. i hate you. you’re too good to me. i don’t deserve it.” nancy hides her face in her hands. “i hate myself for doing this to you.. t- to us.. i hate it..” “nancy, i promise, we’re gonna get through this.. things will get better.” “shut up!”
nancy continues to sob. robin pulls her into her side, letting her tire herself out. “i’m gonna kill myself.” “no. don’t say shit like that, it scares me.” “..okay. i’m sorry. .. m’not gonna kill myself..” robin lets out a shaky breath, waiting for nancy’s uncontrollable wails to slowly melt down into sad sniffles and whimpers. “are you ready to go home?” she mumbles. “you don’t have to take me home. i can g-get an uber.” “nancy, you know i’m taking you home.” “…thank you.” robin doesn’t answer that. she pulls off her hoodie and puts it on nancy. she pulls the hood over nancy’s head to shield her from the outside world. then she stands, helping nancy to her feet before scooping her up in her arms.
they walk back out into the party, a group of girls immediately rushing into the bathroom after them. robin carries nancy out of the frat house to her car, laying her gently in the passenger seat. she buckles nancy in before heading to the drivers seat herself. she starts up the car, driving to nancy’s apartment. she didn’t live in the dorms, she had an actual apartment with two roommates. robin felt a bit sorry for them.
still, it wasn’t that long of a drive, only 15 minutes. and after only 3 minutes of driving, nancy was snoozing, her head resting against the window.
but a lot can happen in 15 minutes. robin kept looking over to nancy, and her mind started running. she thought about how everything had gone wrong between them, and now they were stuck in this painful, toxic limbo. both of them knew they had to stop it. both of them didn’t know how. robin started to tear up. now that nancy was sleeping she could finally stop holding back her emotions. she bites down on her fist as she starts to sniffle, thinking of everything. of old memories of her and nancy, good ones. and of how even after everything, it still felt so good to sleep with nancy, to hold her close for just a moment.
and then she thought about how her and nancy didn’t even see eachother anymore. not even when they were fucking, because nancy only liked having sex in the pitch black. she didn’t want to look at robin even when she was eating her out. like she was pretending robin was someone else and when she saw her it shattered that dream. she wipes her tears, her eyes squeezing shut. and that was all it took. a split second of uncoordination.
they crashed straight into a large hardwood tree, the front of the car getting crushed around it. robin wasn’t wearing her seatbelt, immediately flying forward. she crashes against the window, her head hitting through the glass, shattering it and knocking her out instantly. then, the airbags go off, immediately redirecting all of robins energy back, crushing her back against the seat with a force that cracks a couple of her ribs, puncturing a lung.
since nancy was sleeping, buckled up and limp, she didn’t suffer as bad. she wakes with a start, feeling a deep ache in her chest and a sharp, unimaginable pain in her leg. “wh- wh-“ her eyes open wide, darting around. the surge of adrenaline sobered her up quick as her brain tries to work out what the fuck just happened. she looks over to robin, and screams. “h-HOLY FUCK! robin, robin, wake up,” nancy reaches out with a whine, shaking robin’s shoulder. “robin, robinrobinrobinrobin, wake up, can you hear me?” nancy was immediately sobbing, unbuckling herself and trying to get to robin.
when robin doesn’t wake up, she scrambles for her phone, calling 911 with a trembling hand. “hello this is 911 how can i help you?” “h-hello? hello?! i- i’m in a- a car. and it crashed! and it crashed and robin is unconscious and i don’t know if she’s dead and i- m-my leg hurts- fuck! please! please send someone i- you need to save robin!” she wails into the phone. “okay, okay, miss, calm down. whats your name?” “n-nancy- b-but, fuck! that doesn’t matter! send someone! please!” “okay, nancy, we’ll send someone as fast as we can. where are you?” nancy rapidly looks around, trying to figure out where they were.
“u-uh- uh,” she tries to see through her tears, eventually spotting a gas station. “we- we’re near the gas station on fier street. i- i think.” “okay. good job. i’m sending people over right now, they’ll be there soon.” “o-okay.” “tell me where you’re hurt.” nancy whimpers, trying to make sense of all of the pain in her body. “m- my leg.. i think it’s broken.” she sobs. “and my chest hurts- b-but- it doesn’t matter! robin- robin is-“ she breaks off with a wail. “okay, okay, it’s okay. people are coming, they’re gonna save your friend. is she breathing?” nancy raises a shaky hand to robin’s nose, trying to feel her breath. “i don’t know! her- her head crashed through the window- she- she wasn’t wearing a seatbelt!”
nancy places her hand on robins neck, trying to feel a pulse. “robin, please wake up. i’m so sorry- th- this is all my fault,” nancy drops her phone, grabbing robin’s face, lightly slapping her. “please. robbie. i need you. i- i love you.” she whispers, feeling like it was the end of the world. “i love you! i love you! god, robin, please don’t leave me! i’m sosss- so sorry, i’ll be better, i’ll do so much better for you, please, please, pleasplespleaseplease,”
the paramedics and the firefighters got there very fast, wrenching open the car with their tools, getting robin and nancy out. nancy was placed on a gurney, two people working on her while every other person went to help robin. “are you okay, miss?” a doctor asks her. “rob- robin- robin,” she begs. “i know. we’re working to save her. don’t worry.” but they couldn’t. robin was already dead when they showed up. a fireman came over to break the news to nancy.
“what?”
the next weeks were a blur. nancy was in the hospital, then she wasn’t. she was in bed, all day. she wouldn’t eat. she wouldn’t speak, she would just cry, holding robin’s band uniform close to her chest. everything was going by so fast, she didn’t know how many days had passed.
she only seemed to regain consciousness at robins funeral. her eyes suddenly growing more alert. she glances around, seeing her friends and family at her side. “steve,” she whispers, grabbing his hand. “wh.. what’s going on?” steve glances over, frowning. “nance.. we’re at robin’s funeral.” he whispers with a heavy heart. “you don’t.. know that? are you okay?” nancy’s heart breaks once more, the memory of the crash rushing back in an instant. she immediately starts to sob once more, her voice weak and quiet. she hides her face in steve’s shoulder, her body shaking. steve wraps his arms around nancy, holding her close. “shh. i know.”
eventually, they lined up to look at the body. nancy didn’t want to. and when she did, she could only look for a second, shaking her head and looking away immediately, hiding her face in steve’s shoulder. “it’s not her. it’s not.” she pleads, and steve nods, gently guiding her to keep walking as he chokes up himself. “i know.”
after the ceremony, people were standing around, making awkward small talk. nancy clung to steve’s arm, when she saw a familiar head of ginger curls standing near the casket. for the first time in a while, nancy felt an emotion other than despair surge through her. rage. she lets go of steve, shakily storming away from him. “nance?” he asks, the rest of the group watching her go. “vickie!” she shouts, shoving vickie from behind.
vickie stumbles forward before turning around, her eyes puffy and red. “wh- nancy? what the- what’s up with you?! why did you push me?!” “y-you fuckinggbITCH!” nancy slaps vickie across the face. “stop fucking crying! you shouldn’t be here! you don’t deserves to mourn robin! y- you didn’t even care about her!” vickie’s head whips to the side, and she gasps, shocked and hurt and offended. “what the fuck is wrong with you?! who are you to say i can or can not mourn her?! i loved her!” “you didn’t love her! you cheated on her! you broke her heart you d- fh- WHORE!” “you’re the reason she’s dead!”
the entire funeral home goes silent in an instant. and then there was screaming. punching, hair pulling. nancy was doing most of the attacking, vickie struggling to protect herself. vickie’s boyfriend and steve and johnathan immediately started trying to break up the fight, eventually separating the two ladies. nancy collapses into steve, feeling helpless. “i’m sorry. i’m sorry.” she sobs.
when nancy went back to her apartment that night, she knew she was done. neither of her roommates were home. she knew one of her roommates had a heart problem, and took medication because of it. something like clopidogril, but she didn’t know for sure. what she did know was that it was strong. she opens the door to her roommates room, searching through all of her cabinets before finally finding it with her makeup. nancy lets out a shaky breath, staring at the orange pill bottle. she sits at the sofa, ordering a pizza while she writes a short note to her roommates.
when the pizza comes, she eats almost the entire thing, looking at the half-assed note. “dear jackie and shauna, i killed myself in the bathroom. don’t try to open the door, i don’t want you guys to see me like that. i took jackie’s heart medication. i’m sorry.” -nancy ” she wondered if it was too blunt, so she drew a little cat at the end to soften the blow. when she was done, she got up, and went to her room. she grabbed everything in there that reminded her of robin, and her cd player, and brought it to the bathroom with her. she taped the note to the bathroom door and then went inside and locked it.
she made a little shrine of robins things, then sat next to it, plugging in the cd player and turning it on. the album “parallel blinds” by blondie starts to play, and nancy opens the pill bottle. her hands were trembling. she began to second guess herself, wondering if she should really go through with it. but then she thought of robin’s sweet smile and how she would never see it again, and it was all her fault. she grits her teeth, throwing back the bottle. but, her attempt to be dramatic failed. she couldn’t swallow that many pills at once. she spits them out into her hand, taking them one by one with a swig of water after each one.
she took about 14 before deciding that was probably enough, then laid down to die peacefully. but she didn’t die peacefully. first was the headache, then the heartache. chills, sweating, shortness of breath, and puking. so much puking. she was coughing up blood and chunks, now wishing that she had just hanged herself instead of choosing to go through this torture. but another part of her felt as if she deserved it. she took the rest of the pills, worried that since she had puked so much it wouldn’t work anymore. but, it worked. nancy died just as the last song on the album, just go away, finished its final lines.