Work Text:
The thin sheet crinkled in Winter’s hand as she played with it. It was white, like everything else in the hospital room was. The blanket– if it could even be called that– reminded her of her namesake.
She had woken up hours ago, but her only visitor had been a nurse. The room was quiet, and for the first time since she had arrived in the palace’s hospital wing, Winter did not imagine Ryu sitting at the end of her bed. Although she thought he would have matched well with the room.
A knock on the door tore her attention away from the scratchy hospital blanket. The nurse from earlier poked her head in the door when Winter didn’t respond to the knock.
“Princess?” She stepped into the room. “You have a visitor.”
Winter sat up straighter, dropping the blanket into her lap. She nodded to indicate she was okay with a visitor. Her voice was still raw from all the screaming she had done. The nurse allowed Winter’s guest in before swiftly slipping out, closing the door behind her.
A young man who looked not much older than her stood next to her bed. He smiled hesitantly. His blond hair was short, but messy, like he had just run a hand through it after waking up.
“Winter.” The way he said her name made it sound like the only word he knew how to say.
“Hello,” she whispered.
For once, Winter was quite glad for her lack of voice. The man in front of her clearly knew her, and probably knew her very well. But Winter… Well, she had no idea who he was.
“How are you feeling?” He sat down in the chair beside her bed. “Did the surgery go well? Does your neck hurt?”
She held up a hand to stop his questions, gesturing to her throat to tell him she couldn’t say that much.
“Right.” His smile turned sheepish. “They told me you wouldn’t be able to talk a lot. I’ll start with yes or no questions. Do you feel okay?”
She nodded. Besides a really sore throat, she felt fine.
“Good,” he said. “Do you remember anything? The nurse said amnesia might be a side-effect of the surgery.”
Winter didn’t respond for a second. She did remember some things—Ryu, Aimery, the blood dripping down the palace walls. Mainly, the memories that stuck were her hallucinations–but the man in front of her was a mystery. She nodded slowly.
The man bit his lip. “Do you remember me?”
She wanted to nod. She tried to remember him, but she didn’t. She shook her head.
The man let out a deep breath. “I’m Jacin.”
“Jacin,” she repeated. Though the action stung her throat, the name felt familiar on her tongue. Jacin. She thought the name over and over, trying to call up any memory of him as she scanned his face, but it wouldn’t come. She shook her head again.
Winter reached for the mug of honey tea that sat on her bedside table. She took a sip to soothe her vocal cords before speaking again.
“Tell me how we met,” she rasped. “Maybe I’ll remember.”
Jacin laughed. “I’m not sure I even remember how we met. We’ve known each other forever.”
That made Winter feel awful. They had known each other their entire lives, and she couldn’t remember him? Her hand involuntarily crept to the back of her neck. She knew something had been implanted, something to keep her from going crazy. She wasn’t quite sure what it was or how it worked, but she knew it had kept her hallucinations at bay. It also kept her from remembering one of her oldest friends. She would have pulled it out with nothing but her fingernails to get rid of that sad look in Jacin’s eyes if she didn’t think it would land her in the psychiatric unit for another few weeks.
“It’s okay if you don’t remember me, Princess,” Jacin said, taking one of her hands. “It’ll come back eventually.”
She didn’t want to wait. She wanted to remember him now. “How do we know each other then? If we’ve always been friends?”
Jacin took another deep breath as Winter brought the mug to her lips again. The tea was lukewarm, probably so she wouldn’t burn herself with it if she had another episode.
Jacin told her about their fathers and how they had been best friends. He told her how Jacin’s mother treated her like her own daughter when Winter was missing a mom she had never met. He told her about when they would play in her gigantic room after her dad married the queen and they moved to the palace. He told her how he would help her through her hallucinations, even when he was a palace guard, and it was considered inappropriate. The stories were nice, but Winter didn’t recognize any of them.
“I’m sorry,” she said quietly.
“It’s okay, Winter,” Jacin replied.
Winter crossed her arms. She was frustrated. Why was she always broken?
Reading the annoyance on her face, Jacin said, “How about we start with the things you do remember?”
She nodded. “Ryu.” She closed her eyes, thinking of the wolf. “He usually sits with me, but not today. Not since–” She cut herself off, opening her eyes.
“The blocker,” Jacin finished for her. “That’s good. That means it’s working.”
“I miss him,” Winter said sadly.
“I know, Princess,” said Jacin. “What do you remember about him?”
“His exhibit in the menagerie. He loved playing fetch.” She smiled at the memories of Ryu that washed up on the shores of her mind. “I remember how soft his fur was. And…” Her smile faded. “I remember it being coated in blood. It was so dark. You–” She paused. “You were there.”
Jacin nodded curtly. “I was.” His expression was somber, matching the one he wore in her memory of Ryu’s death.
“Why were you–” She stopped as the answer came to her. “You were trying to save me. From Levana.”
Jacin gave another nod.
“You killed Ryu?”
“I’m so sorry, Winter,” He looked down at his lap. “I had to.”
She hated this. Would she have to go through each of her memories, reliving her grief like she was experiencing it for the first time? She had known Ryu was dead, but the memory of how it happened was now fresh in her mind, like it had just happened, making the Ryu-shaped hole in her heart more noticeable.
“Someone else was there, though,” she continued. “Right?”
“Yes,” Jacin told her. “Scarlet.”
This time, when she repeated the name, a memory of a redheaded girl on the throne room floor came to mind.
“She was in the menagerie with Ryu.” Winter waited for confirmation from Jacin before going on, “She helped me escape. And you stayed.”
Jacin nodded. “Is there anything else you remember?”
Winter closed her eyes again, thinking. “Selene.”
“What about her?”
She opened her eyes. “She’s back, isn’t she?”
“Yes, she’s back.” He smiled softly.
“I met her. She told me she was trying to overthrow Levana. Did–” She swallowed. “Did she do it?”
Jacin’s smile grew. “Yes. Levana is dead, Princess.”
She rested her head back on the pillows, feeling like a weight had been lifted off her chest. Unfortunately, she remembered Levana, but she was elated to hear that she was gone.
“Jacin,” Winter said, picking her head up. He looked at her expectantly, waiting for her to continue. She cupped his cheek with her hand. “I may not remember everything about you, but I do remember that I love you. I’m sorry I’m not me right now.”
Jacin brought her other hand to his lips and brushed a light kiss against it. “You’re still you, even if you don’t remember who she is right now.”
There was a minute where neither of them spoke.
Then, Winter said, “So you’re not going to say that you love me back?”
“Winter!”
“Sorry, sorry.” She raised her hand in mock-surrender.
A grin spread across Jacin’s face. “You know I love you, Princess.”
“No,” she said. “I don’t. If you recall, I’ve just lost most of my memories.”
“Well,” he started reluctantly. “I do.”
Winter beamed. She remembered some of him now. His shyness, his patience, how he was always there for her.
“It was nice meeting you for the first time again,” she joked.
Jacin gave her a light push on the shoulder. “I love you, Winter.”