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„We have to talk, Lambert.“ Nothing good ever came out of this sentence, especially not when it was said by Eskel, approaching him while he was busy cleaning his Hayabusa.
“It was Geralt who ate the last slice of pizza, not me.”
“What? Come in, let’s have a beer.”
Lambert eyed him suspiciously. There was something fishy happening, that much was clear. But at least he wanted to know what was going on in Eskel’s strange mind, so he followed him into the old Kaer. They went straight to the kitchen, where Geralt was preparing dinner.
Irritated, Lambert grabbed a bottle of beer and leaned against the kitchen counter. “So, what’s the point of you behaving like a concerned big brother? Did Vesemir get a heart attack?”
Eskel and Geralt exchanged a short glance.
“It’s about Vica.” Eskel stated flatly.
Lambert raised an eyebrow. “Why, did she get a heart attack?”
“No. Which is quite amazing, given your shitty behavior.” Geralt uttered while cutting chicken breast into small slices.
“Well, you may not be aware of this but tomorrow’s your first anniversary.”
“Anniversary?” Lambert knew quite exactly what Eskel meant, but it wouldn’t hurt to play the whole issue down.
“That means that Vica puts up with your shit for much longer than it’s good for her,” Geralt explained.
“Oh, and what about me? I’m bearing her hyperactivity, her endless chatter, her incredulous style of clothing, her…”
“Stop it,” Eskel interrupted him, “this is important.”
“It might be important if we had, in fact, a relationship, because that’s the condition for having anniversaries or some such nonsense.”
“And what do you call it, then?” Eskel demanded. His older brother demeanor was truly pesky.
Lambert shrugged. “Don’t know. Partnership of convenience?”
Geralt, still cutting the poultry, snorted. “Wondering how she benefits from bothering with you.”
“Oh, I have some splendid qualities.”
“Being nice isn’t one of them, gotcha. But I say it again: This is important.”
“Why?”
Eskel sighed. “Because she is a girl. Your girl, as much as you wanna deny that. But you could have the decency to make that special day indeed special for her.”
“This is so touching of you, really. But the pup isn’t like that. She doesn’t like much ado about anything.”
“True, she isn’t like that. She has a strange taste in men, also. But you could at least be nice to her.”
“Shut up, Geralt. You seem to be busy enough with that chicken. Besides, you definitely aren’t in the position to give relationship advice. How often do you and Yen celebrate your anniversary?”
A little victory at least. Considering Geralt’s face things didn’t go too well with Yennefer at the moment.
“It doesn’t have to be something brilliant, just a little thing to show her that you care.”
Lambert raised an eyebrow. “Did she say anything to you?”
Eskel shook his head. “You know very well that she’d never complain about you, no matter how abominable you are. And you’re right, she doesn’t expect anything. Not even sure if she’s aware of the date at all. Your call, really. But she loves surprises, so…”
“Aren’t you an ideal man? Wonder why you two aren’t dating.”
“’Cause she chose you. And I’m not one to bang a mate’s girlfriend and then jump out of a window.”
Lambert sighed. This episode had taken place years ago, but the ever so noble and morally superior Eskel had to bring it on again. “So, what do you suggest?”
Meanwhile, Geralt had put the chicken into a pan and was now busy with the stove. “Lambert, ever heard of being proactive?”
“Fine. She doesn’t like jewellery. Or other expensive things for that matter.”
“What luck. What about the usual things? Chocolate, flowers?”
“No. I won’t give her chocolate, she’ll get even more hyperactive from that. And flowers? That’s the most boring thing ever. I mean… I’m an outstanding personality, so she’ll get nothing short of magnificient from me.”
Eskel and Geralt rolled their eyes simultaneously.
“It’s heartbreaking listening to you. Killing monsters all day but none of you is able to woo a lady? Lambert, it’s quite easy, really. Think about what Vica likes the most.” All three of them looked thunderstruck as Vesemir entered the kitchen.
“This is none of your business, old man.” Lambert snarled.
“Charming as ever, aren’t we? It’ll be my business if she decides to dump you. So, we should prevent that.”
He sighed. “Books I guess. And animals. But she has a shitload of books already and if I give her another book she’ll read it and then she won’t have time for me until she’s finished. And I definitely won’t give her a pet. Recently her roommate got a cat. A fucking cat. Vica invited me over for the night but instead of actually spending time with me she was busy with petting that ugly meowing bundle of fur.”
Geralt laughed so hard that he had to abandon the pan for a moment. “What a hard life…”
Even Eskel wasn’t able to suppress a grin.
Vesemir just shook his head. “Really, Lambert? Common sense is a complete alien concept to you, isn’t it? If she likes animals, you’ll take her to the zoo, simple as that. Lass wants to spend time with you, as strange as this may sound.”
Fiddling with his beer bottle, Lambert pondered for a moment. “Yeah. Guess I could do that.”
Vesemir nodded. “Fine. And behave yourself for a change. Now go and set the table.”
***
He decided to go for the whole program, including trimming his beard, wearing the clothes she liked best on him – a dark blue button-up shirt and black jeans- and polishing his shoes. The request of his brothers, as irritating as it had been, wasn’t entirely unreasonable. There were indeed times where he couldn’t even stand himself, so that he wondered why the pup did. And his emotions, or whatever they were, had grown stronger over the past year. Slowly but steadily. So, being nice for one day was a price he was willing to pay for the prospect of having her by his side a little longer.
He took his bike to drive to the university. It was warm outside and Vica liked his bike better than his car because of the airstream flowing around her body while driving. It gave her a feeling of freedom as she phrased it. Crossing the antique university gate he searched for her. She was lying on a blanket on one of the lawns, reading. Her red skirt short enough to show a little of her thighs, a rather nice view. She was so lost in her lecture that she didn’t notice him until he sat down by her side.
“Lambert, whatcha doing here?” Sitting up she smiled at him.
“What sort of welcome is this, pup? Shouldn’t you fling your arms around my neck and be overwhelmed with joy and forever grateful that I undertook the long and dangerous way just to see you?”
“I am. But the way isn’t that long and dangerous actually.”
“Depends on where you start, Miss smartypants. And, as always, you’re talking way too much.” He took her face in his hands and gave her a deep kiss. Longer than usual, and more tender.
When they parted, her face was red and her eyes beamed. “Something is different, no? You’re dressed up and everything. What’s going on?”
Frowning, he searched for the right words. He didn’t want to sound too dumb, but if Eskel was right, as he usually was, an anniversary was indeed something special, so he didn’t want to destroy it with being too offhand.
“Actually, I wanted…” Before he could mention what he wanted, he got cut off.
“Hey babe.” He and Vica looked up staring at the unbearable face of Leo, one of her fellow students. He wore red skinny jeans, a checkered shirt and held a coffee mug in his hands. With a swift movement, Lambert came to his feet and planted himself in front of the other man. “WHAT the fuck did you just call her?”
“Babe. Problem?”
Vica had managed to get up as well, her hand on Lambert’s back in order to soothe him.
“I have some problems with you, assbutt. Your stupid man bun being just one of them. She’s not your “babe”, savvy?”
Leo showed a smug grin. “Nor yours for that matter.”
Lambert looked at him, his face taut with anger.
Vica’s grip around his back tightened. “He’s just provoking you. Leo, what is it?”
The smug grin grew even wider. “Y’know, DJ Dan da Lion works in the “Beat” tonight. Wanna join me?”
Lambert answered before she could say anything. “Listen moron, that’s my girlfriend you’re asking out in front of me. Do you have a keen death wish?”
“Lambert…”
“Your girlfriend? Funny that she doesn’t mention you when we’re hanging out. Like, not at all.” Leo grinned at Vica. “So, babe, you’re coming? I mean, what do you want with someone like him? That ugly face and all. I can show you some real fun.”
Before Vica was able to react, Lambert had pounced on Leo, bringing them both to the ground.
“STOP THAT!” he heard her crying but this wasn’t a situation where he could act reasonable. This moron had insulted him and the pup and he wouldn’t stop punching him before he had wiped this fucking grin from his face. Leo didn’t show much resistance, instead he just tried to hide his face, causing his stupid and way too expensive coffee to splash around. The sound of his breaking nose was music to Lambert’s ears.
“LAMBERT!” Breathing heavily, he came to his feet. Vica looked at him, tears of anger running down her face. She knelt down to help Leo up. He looked wrecked, to say the least. His nose was bleeding heavily, he had a cut just above his eyebrow and his lips were bruised as well. Under normal circumstances Lambert would have been proud, but given Vica’s reaction that didn’t seem appropriate.
“You okay?” Vica inspected Leo’s wounds. He just nodded, mumbled something unintelligible and ran away.
“Pup, I…”
“Save your breath,” she hissed, “are you completely mad?” He hadn’t seen such a disgusted look on her face before. This was alarming, to say the very least.
“He was hitting on you. I just defended your honor.”
“I don’t need anyone to defend my honor. You…you can’t just batter someone because he says something stupid. You could’ve killed him.”
“I wasn’t going for the vital parts.” Lambert raised his hands in a defensive gesture.
She glared at him and for a short moment he was sure that she was going to smack him. Instead, she reached down, folded her blanket, put her book in her bag, took her things and ditched him.
“Pup, wait!” But it was pointless, she wouldn’t come back.
***
Eskel was in the yard, mending his car. He sighed when he saw Lambert’s deranged state. “What part of “Do something nice” didn’t you understand, you oaf?”
“It isn’t my fault.”
“No? Vica put up a fight and you simply defended yourself? Mate, you look as if a pig has bled out on you.”
“You should see the other guy.”
“No need. What about Vica?”
Lambert stared at the floor. “Gone,” he mumbled.
Eskel groaned. “Come in and get a shower. Afterwards we’ll think about how you can amend your idiocy.” He eyed Lambert while shaking his head. “On the good side, she won’t insist on doing anything on your next anniversary. That means, if there’ll ever be a next one.”