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Shota hated anything that wasn’t logical. This was common knowledge among his students, his friends, his coworkers, everyone. He went to great lengths to uphold this philosophy. It wasn’t logical to waste time on cooking, so he had his juice pouches for every meal (much to Hizashi’s dismay.) It wasn’t logical to burn energy by staying awake without being productive, so every spare second went to sleep. It wasn’t logical to waste effort training students without potential, so he expelled them. If it wasn’t a need, he didn’t engage with it.
So certainly, it wasn’t logical to want to be cuddled within an inch of his life. And it really, really wasn’t logical to be curled up in a little ball crying about it when he was trying to take a nap.
Now, Shota wasn’t a hypocrite. He recognized that it was also illogical to have a problem and not try to fix it. So after the roughly six months of denial it took him to admit that he had this problem, he did seek out a solution.
This solution was entirely built on the convenience that his best friend liked to come over to visit on their days off. Shota had originally labeled this habit as an inconvenience, but it did help chase away the loneliness for a while. So he let it happen. And tried to initiate physical affection. Hizashi was laying with him in Shota's bed, with his TV playing a nature documentary to half-watch while they unwound from the work week. And Shota, slowly, hesitantly, and very awkwardly, placed his arm around Hizashi’s shoulders. And felt nothing.
A fluke, surely. Wasn’t affection what he was craving? Hizashi, bless him, had said nothing about the incident, so Shota figured he had another shot. The next time Hizashi came over, he set his plan into motion.
It had been getting late that night, and the two of them had stayed up grading with each other present to hold the other accountable and prevent distraction. They had found that it significantly increased their productivity, so it was somewhat of a regular activity during Hizashi’s visits. This time, however, they lost track of time. Maybe because Shota “forgot” to remind Hizashi of how late it was getting. Whoops.
“Hey, Zashi. I just realized, it's past 1 a.m,” The erasure hero stated as he set down his last graded paper.
“So it is! Guess I’d better skedaddle then,” Hizashi said with a sigh, stretching his (long, muscular, probably very warm and comforting) arms into the air.
“I don’t think that’s logical. My house is closer to UA. It’s a waste of time, energy, and rest hours to drive back home now,” Shota said, with as much stoicism as he could muster.
“I’m not sleeping in your cocoon, ya dig?”
“We can share my bed. It’s big. King size.”
“Ooh! You bringin’ home a lotta fuck buddies, Sho?”
Shota didn’t think it was possible to feel colors but his face sure did feel red. “No. It’s big because I move a lot in my sleep. Not because I share it.”
“Then I’m honored to be your first time.” Hizashi winked. And Aizawa let it slide. It would be a waste of time to respond, after all.
They cleaned up their paperwork and took turns changing into pajamas (Hizashi borrowed some of Shota’s). And god, he swore Hizashi must have actively tried to look as snuggly as possible. Fuzzy pants and a soft hoodie? He didn’t even know that he owned fuzzy pants. Shota felt a familiar heavy warmth spreading throughout his ribs. Goddamn it.
This was his plan: get Hizashi in bed with him. Turn out the lights, without seeming like he has any ulterior motives. Turn over and put his arm around Hizashi as if he was a body pillow. Say nothing. Hizashi will put his arms around him in turn, holding him nice and tight. Drift off like this. Wake up to Hizashi’s fingers gently carding through his hair as he whispers soft loving words to him, blushing as he realizes Shota is awake. Kiss him, softly and gently, then with more passion. Proceed to lose virginity.
Was getting his best friend into bed with him with the desire to fuck him probably not a good thing to do? Yeah. Probably.
He was gonna do it anyway. After all, sex would only be a bonus. His real motive was to get held, to have Hizashi’s sweet arms around him for an entire night. Surely, that would cure him of whatever plague was making him think like this.
Shota got Hizashi in bed, turned out the lights, and moved onto step three. He turned over, moving his arm to drape over Hizashi’s chest, his head resting against the blonde’s shoulder. He felt Hizashi react, resetting a little.
But he didn’t say anything. And even worse, he didn’t do anything. No arms returned his embrace, no grip met his figurative outstretched hand. Does this mean Hizashi doesn’t return his feelings? That he doesn’t love him back? Shota had been so sure. Hizashi’s flirty banter was reserved for him and him only, plus there were the subconscious body language signs: Hizashi always faced him while speaking, stole glances at him when he thought he wasn’t looking, and mirrored his actions.
The contact itself felt okay. The warmth in his chest subsided a bit, though only an emptiness was left in its wake. Eventually, between the covers and Hizashi’s body heat, it became too much and Shota realized he wouldn’t be able to sleep like this. So he apologized softly and moved over to his side of the bed without another word.
Hizashi had left the next morning without mentioning it. Leaving Shota curled up and hurting a week or so later. God, how needy was he? It was so terrible. He felt like a completely different man. Shota Aizawa was supposed to be strong, independent, and logical. And here he was, almost in tears over a petty distinction in affection.
It’s not like he wasn’t trying. He was trying plenty. He had initiated contact. He never did that. Everyone had learned not to touch him and he didn’t touch them either. He was hoping that by taking the first step, Hizashi would catch on and hug him back. Or hug him first.
This was silly. Absolutely ridiculous. Clearly, trying to spare his pride while fixing this problem wasn’t going to work. He’d need to outright ask for what he needed if he wanted to get it at all. But he really, really didn’t want to do that. He could only imagine the barrage of questions from Hizashi, the possible rejection if he tried confessing his love, or god forbid Nemuri find out about any of it. He shuddered.
He had one last ditch effort that didn’t involve ‘just asking’. Confess to Hizashi. Then maybe he’d infer that since they were now lovers, Shota’s boundaries had changed. And he could be touched now. But god, was that really easier?
…Than asking Hizashi to hold, pat, and comfort him like a baby? Yeah. Yeah it was.
Putting aside the fact that he’d never confessed to anyone before, despite being twenty-nine, he rolled over and tried to visualize it.
A gorgeous blonde man with stunning green eyes sits in front of him. They’re alone together in the teacher’s lounge, and the sexual tension in the air is palpable.
“I wanted to ask you something,” Shota starts confidently.
“Oh yeah?” Hizashi responds, his casual response dripping in suggestive tones.
“Do you want to go on a romantic date?”
Wait. Hold it right there. God, has there ever been a more awkward way of asking someone out? Hizashi has a way with words, multiple languages of them, a vernacular so clearly distinct to him and only him. ‘Do you want to go on a romantic date’ would never suffice. And knowing Hizashi, they’d end up going somewhere public where the affection he craved receiving would be a no-go. He’d have to ask the next time Hizashi came over. And it had to be special.
—
When Hizashi received the invite to go to Shota’s house that Wednesday afternoon, he was surprised to say the least. Shota never invited him first. He always just sort of showed up. He’d have to reschedule a patrol, but that was fine. He felt honored that his best buddy (and if he’s honest, long-time crush) wanted to spend time with him. He had been a little clingy lately. Hizashi had been meaning to ask about it, but considering any amount of affection from Shota made his heart nearly beat out of his chest, he couldn’t bring himself to ever say anything. But god, they’d snuggled in bed! Well, if you can count one sided action as snuggling. He didn’t see why not, though he did feel a little bad about making Shota do all the work. Especially since he’d just moved away a few minutes later. And apologized.
Hizashi was very certain after that incident that Shota returned his feelings. He was even more certain upon arrival.
Yeah, what really sealed the deal was Shota’s entry hallway being lined with rose petals.
—
“Hizashi,” Shota’s voice greeted from the end of the hallway. He didn’t look all that different, or he wouldn’t, to anyone who didn’t know him as well as Hizashi. His usual plain black attire was lint-rolled free of cat hair, his shirt tucked into his slacks. His hair was down but not tangled, it looked silkier and neater.
“Shota,” Hizashi responded breathlessly. “You look nice.”
Shota made about the most awkward mock-laugh produced in history, probably. “Yeah. I uh, well, you can probably guess the occasion.”
“I don’t really know if rose petals are obvious enough, pumpkin.”
Pumpkin. The pet name was cute, fun, and so relentlessly Hizashi.
Oh my god. Shota had a pet name now.
He took in a deep breath, preparing himself. Hizashi already knew, and he hadn’t turned him down yet. Now it was just Shota’s job to say it. To confess.
“Hizashi Yamada, I love you. You- you’re so…” Shota stammered. “You’re so you. So bright, so happy. I want to be by your side to make sure that light never fades. So-”
“Sho, you wanna be boyfriends?”
He was so relieved that Hizashi had said it. He really didn’t want to.
—
Hizashi and Shota had been boyfriends for about a week now. Hizashi’s visits had become a nightly ritual. Quick little kisses weren’t uncommon either. They were taking it fairly slow considering how well they knew each other. Nothing more than a kiss.
Much to Shota’s dismay. He was still incredibly, pathetically touch-starved. He’d been sharing a bed with Hizashi for the entire week, after all, his house had only one, but no cuddles had happened, nor had Hizashi touched him. It was like he was scared to even make contact. And Shota worried that he was scared. That Hizashi had some terrible experience with touch in the past. He couldn’t blame him if that was the case. It wouldn’t be his fault. But it wouldn’t change the fact that Shota needed to be held.
He’d stopped even denying it, or resisting. It hurt so bad it gave him headaches; there was no denying the reality of that. He was sick of it. But every time he went to mention it to Hizashi, the words caught in his throat, tightened by the lonely sensation that coursed throughout his body.
He couldn’t ask directly. He just didn’t have it in him.
So he found a loophole.
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-------------------------\ Hey I had something I needed to talk to you about. \
/ heya pumpkin <3 is everything ok /
--------------------------\ I am not in any immediate danger. \
/ yk that rlly doesn’t make me feel any better :( /
/ sho?? /
=====================================================================================
Shota exited his messages app after that. He felt a little bad about leaving Hizashi to worry like that but he couldn’t bring himself to say it directly. So he was asking Hizashi to hold him accountable. Still, guilt coiled in his stomach. He sent one more text, reassuring Hizashi that he was fine and just needed to talk, to which the blonde dropped it and let him be.
—
“Sho! Whadya needa talk about?”
God, he wasn’t ready for this. This conversation had come way sooner than expected, way sooner than he was prepared for. He needed like a year to mentally prepare himself for the sheer patheticness he was about to confess to his boyfriend. Yet Hizashi had sat them both down on the couch the second he’d arrived, barely hiding the worry residing in his expression.
“I… I’ve been having some feelings lately.”
“Really? I didn’t think you had those!”
“Shut it, don’t… don’t tease me right now.”
Hizashi’s expression softened. “Right. Sorry. What feelings have ya been gettin’?”
“I guess… I feel touch-starved. Do you know… what that is?”
Hizashi gave him a sympathetic look. “I know enough. Love, why didn’t you say anything sooner?”
“B-because, I… I tried. To initiate affection. But you never… gave it back. And I thought you just didn’t want it, or something. I guess it discouraged me because…” Shota sighed. “Just hugging you or holding you isn’t enough. I need to be held. To receive. I know, that’s weird, I’m supposed to be independent and all that, but-”
“Hey, love. I don’t think it’s weird. I even bet it’s because you’re always so independent that you’re feeling this way, ya dig? Your brain’s sick of ya taking care of everything yourself so it’s giving you a problem that can’t just be solved on your own. Ya needa depend and let go for a bit, yeah? And no worries, I have no problem with doing that for you!”
“It’s just… it’s so needy.”
Hizashi gave Shota a soft smile and placed a hand on his shoulder, eliciting a small gasp.
“From now on, being needy is your job, pumpkin. I want you to be the neediest partner you can possibly be. It’s for your health, so it’s only logical.”
The last sentence is added with a bit of a smirk, but Shota doesn’t seem to mind. He subconsciously leans for Hizashi, craving, waiting to finally get what he’s been longing for.
And Hizashi obliges. He scoops Shota up into his arms, pulling him close with one arm around his back and the other tangled into his messy black hair. He directs Shota’s head to rest in the crook of his neck, softly patting his head. His other hand rubs Shota’s back, a slow, consistent pressure to ground him.
“Baby… you’re doing so good, so well, love. You deserve this, it’s okay. I’m proud of ya for asking,” Hizashi mutters, soft unfiltered love right into Shota’s ear. “Relax for me, alright? It’s okay. We can do this as often as you need. I’ll just hold you.”
Shota felt amazing. He felt like he was floating, Hizashi’s soft words dancing in his brain and releasing all his stress. He felt himself melt into Hizashi, chests pressed against one another, Hizashi’s arm holding him steady. All of his muscles relaxed, his eyes shut; he was struggling to stay awake.
“Go ahead and rest, Sho. I’ll be right here when you’re up, ya dig? We can continue this whenever you need, no matter what.”
Hizashi didn’t have to tell him twice. Shota let himself drift off, breathing slowly steadying as he went completely limp against his boyfriend, Hizashi’s arms being the only thing keeping him upright. Hizashi kept combing his hand through his hair, looking at Shota with what could only be described as sheer adoration.
His poor boyfriend just needed a little TLC and then he was pure putty. Looking at the peaceful expression on his face, an expression Hizashi hadn’t seen in years, he felt an overwhelming surge of affection. He kept giving Shota little squeezes, comforting him as he slept, as he finally relaxed, as he finally allowed himself to need.
Hizashi’s boyfriend was needy and he wouldn’t have it any other way.