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Peter had never guessed that summer could feel so endless.
It wasn’t the kind of endless where you had long afternoons with friends, or late nights spent inside the lab with Tony or movie nights with Morgan (watching frozen or tangled for the upteenth time). No, it was the other kind. The kind that kept on going, leaving an ache in his chest. Each day bleeding into the other that by this point he had no clue whether it was Tuesday or Sunday.
It was quiet and he felt empty without Ned’s chatter or MJ’s sarcastic comments. His phone had chimed with notifications only a handful of times all summer; a blurry photo of Ned holding up a fish nearly as tall as him, a single picture of MJ at a beach, her half smile visible even behind the camera glare. Even for the first time in years May wasn’t home either. She was on an all-in cruise with her friends, sent there by Pepper Potts, who had insisted alongside Peter and Tony that she deserved some relaxation as well.
So here Peter was, at the compound.
It wasn't necessarily bad. There was always someone around; Morgan darting down the hallways playing superheroes with her toys, some avengers popped in now and then, FRIDAY humming gently through the intercoms sometimes even striking up a conversation with the bored teenager. But there were too many quiet and empty moments for Peter, too many hours where he ended up staring at the wall or black screen of the tv in front of him. Not feeling up to it to even turn on the device.
Today was a day like that, Peter let himself collapse onto the couch with a sigh. The cushions and fabric nearly swallowed him whole but he didn’t care at this point he was comfortable and absolutely bored out of his mind. During all this his phone had slipped from his hand and clattered onto the luckily carpeted ground. He left it there, opting to stare at the perfectly white and clean ceiling, not even a cobweb in sight.
“You look like a goldfish in a too small bowl” Tony Stark’s voice broke him out of his trance, said man was leaning against the doorway arms crossed across his chest as he took the sight in that was Peter.
Peter turned his head enough so he could see his mentor “Pretty sure fish can’t mope around.”
“Kid, if there’s one thing fish do is mope. They do nothing but swim around in circles, round and round. They don’t even have netflix, just like you. At least turn on the TV if you’re gonna stare at it.” Peter tried his best to put on a convincing smile but it didn’t stick so he opted to stare back at the ceiling. Tony had noticed, he always noticed. He let out a tiny sigh and marched over to the single seat couch and sat down leaning his arm on the armrest and turned on the tv, trying to find something Peter might enjoy. For a moment he felt like he was back in the early days. In the lab pretending to help while he was sneaking glances at whatever his mentor was working on at that time. Back when it had felt impossible that someone like Tony Stark would keep around someone like him. But he did, and Peter still felt like it was a dream. That someday he would wake up..
Now though he wasn’t just that teenager anymore. He wasn’t just someone who had gotten a shot at something bigger. He was spiderman, a hero, sometimes a teenager. Other times he had no idea who he was supposed to be, just like now.
Peter ended up spending the rest of the day in the workshop, the workshop was easier.
The hum of the various machines filling the air, the smell of old coffee and burning metals settled themselves into the corners of the room. Peter liked how his hands moved automatically on whatever he was working on, it kept his mind quiet. Here things made sense, it calmed his various anxieties.
‘Don’t tell me you’re up past curfew again” Tony jokes as he enters the workshop, it was nearly past midnight. “I thought there was no curfew during summer” Peter questioned brows furrowed as he lowered the webshooter he was tinkering with. “There is for tonight” his mentor said as he sat down on one of the stools next to the teenager. He was curious as to what Tony had meant with ‘for tonight’ but he figured the older man would end up explaining himself in a bit, so he focused back onto his webshooter.
Tony looked around the worktable, watching as most of it were discarded projects or other stuff he couldn’t really make sense of. “You should really start to label these things, I don't wanna accidentally throw something out” he hummed and then a smirk took place on his face remembering something particular. “Or take one wrong thing and we're ghostbusters in here. Slime everywhere. And I don’t mean the fun kind” he joked wiggling his eyebrows at Peter.
“That was one time” Peter muttered, feeling the heat creeping up onto his cheeks.
Instead of mocking the kid any further Tony’s smile softened and ruffled Peter’s hair “You should really head to bed kid, besides you need to be up early. Don’t forget to pack a bag. We’re doing a team thing tomorrow, getting you out of this tower before you become one with it” he chuckled “there’s going to be sun, sand, umbrellas, you know the whole shebang.”
Peter’s hand slipped when hearing those particular words nearly stabbing himself with the screwdriver. Looking up at Tony he swallowed “...Like a beach?” He tried his best not to sound too panicked. “Yeah kid. You know a big ass puddle, building wacky ass sandcastles, kicking Clint’s ass in volleyball? Ring a bell?”
He felt sick to his stomach and forced a chuckle and nodded “Oh yeah uhm sounds cool” his throat felt too tight. Tony raised an eyebrow, worry settling in at how Peter sounded. “That didn’t sound cool, that sounded like someone just invited you to go pick grapes or whatever.”
Peter fumbled with the screwdriver desperately wanting to just stab himself with it so he had a reason not to go tomorrow. He forced a smile, grabbing the screwdriver tightly so his shaking hands would be hidden. “No, it’s fine. I’ll be fine, it sounds really fun” He must have come over a bit more convincing than earlier, as Tony shrugged and stood up ruffling his hair once again. “Alright, but don’t let me pick your swimming trunks because you’ll regret it” he grinned and left to go do whatever he was going to do.
When Tony had left, he pressed both hands against his knees and tried to calm down his breathing. His mind flushed with memories that he swore he had buried years ago. The sharp scent of soap in the sink, the crushing weight of hands at the back of his head and the muffled laughter as he tried to fight back.
Peter took another deep breath. ‘I’ll just say on the sand’ he reassured himself ‘Nobody will make me go in. I’ll be fine.’
He didn’t believe himself.
After he had calmed down he figured he should get a snack before eventually going to bed.
Pepper found him a little bit later, an untouched glass of milk and a half eaten poptart. “You’re quiet” she said softly and slid into the seat next to him. Peter shrugged and picked at the poptart “I’m always quiet” he mumbled and avoided eye contact with her, she always could see through him better than Tony. Tilting her head she guessed “Is this about tomorrow?”
He looked up, his stomach twisting and swallowed trying to get the words out, he didn’t want to ruin this for everyone if she managed to guess his fears “No! I uh…I mean, no. I’m fine” He quickly bit into his snack to avoid having to say another word. “Peter.” Pepper’s voice was soft, as if handling a frightened child “You don’t have to hide things away from us, you can tell us if something is going on. You know that right” she moved a piece of hair behind his ear and he had to try his best to not lean into the touch. The truth was trying to crawl out of his throat leaving it heavy and scratchy. He wanted to tell them he really did, but the shame was too much. It overpowered the need to tell the truth.
“I’ll be okay, I promise”
Peter forced one of his signature smiles and finished his glass of milk. Pepper was looking at him as if to find any evidence of a lie in that sentence, but after a few seconds she smiled softly and ruffled his hair. “Alright, but if you change your mind. We are here for you Pete” she gave him a kiss to the side of the head before bidding him goodnight and going to her bedroom.
He let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding and retreated to his own room after cleaning up after himself.
When he laid in bed staring at the glow in the dark covered ceiling, the sound of water rushed through his ears until it was all he could hear. It felt like drowning all over again.
The beach was too bright, so bright that even the sunglasses he was wearing weren’t even helping all that much.
The sand was burning and being in places it wasn’t supposed to be grating against his skin, everything smelled of salt and processed food and whatever the smell of sunscreen was, but it did not smell nice.
Clint and Natasha had set up a net so they could play volleyball, Clint was desperately losing but he was convinced he could at least win once against the red room assassin. Steve was playing some frisbee game with Sam and Bucky, well Steve was trying but the two others were mostly bickering amongst each other. Thor was into the sea already, trying to challenge the waves. Pepper was laying on a towel under one of the umbrellas, sunglasses hiding her eyes as she relaxed under the sun, while Morgan was trying her best to build the world's best sand castle. Meanwhile Peter opted to stay under one of the other umbrellas trying to stay out of everyone's way. His knees close to his chest, he hadn’t even thought about taking off his shirt as the sun was glaring at him. Everytime the waves crashed against the sand it felt like a threat, he could feel his breathing pick up with every crash. His eyes hadn’t left the endless blue that was the ocean. As if, when his eyes left it would come creeping closer like a weeping angel.
But the somewhat peace wouldn’t last long and he knew this as Tony came walking towards him, sunglasses on and wearing spiderman swimming trunks. Where he even had bought those he didn’t know but he figured the older man did it to somewhat attempt to make this a fun experience. “So, what’s the plan underoos? Becoming one with the sand or melt like an oversized icicle? Well that’s more something cap would do” he shrugged and looked down at Peter.
“I’m good here.” he said his eyes not leaving the ocean at all.
“You’re sixteen. Aren’t you supposed to be I don’t know splashing in the ocean like an over caffeinated dolphin?”
“I just don't like water that’s all”
Tony raised an eyebrow as if he didn’t believe him “You’re literally made of 60% water” that earned a laugh from Peter, an actual real laugh, he looked up at his mentor and grinned “That’s not the same thing.”
His smile grew more fond, but something glimmered in his eyes, something mischievous. “Alright, be boring or whatever. I guess I'll have to be the cool one here.”
For a moment, Peter thought that Tony would leave. That some peace would return. Until strong arms picked him up, he wasn’t going to… no right? He wouldn’t dare. “Mr Stark wait…” panic was evident in his voice, but Tony took no note of it too focused on his mission. “Come on, it will be fun!”
“NO! No no no, please put me down” his voice cracked, panic morphing into terror. “Tony put me down!” he screamed. That should’ve been the ultimate warning sign for what was about to happen. Peter never called him by his first name, ever.
Tony instead grinned, moving closer to the ocean. “Bah you’ll thank me later kid”
And before he knew it the ocean was swallowing him whole, like a hungry animal devouring his first meal of the day.
Salt stung his nose and invaded his throat, water was filling his ears turning everything muffled. He kicked and trashed trying to get rid of the phantom hands that were pushing him down, trying to escape the roaring laughter above the water. He felt like a little kid again, small, helpless and shoved under until his lungs screamed. He couldnt breathe.. He couldnt-
He finally broke the surface, gasping for breath. Coughing up water he had managed to swallow. Clawing his way towards the sand he dropped to his knees, his fingers digging into the sand tightly as sobs tore through his chest. No one dared to come closer not knowing what had just happened.
The beach was suddenly quiet, the crashing of waves had even stopped. The sun wasn’t even as bright as it had been.
One voice dared to speak up, it was small and frightened. “Daddy? Why is Petey crying?” she questioned hugging her mother’s leg. Frightened at the sight of her brother figure.
Tony stood there, frozen. The guilt crashed into him quick and hard almost like a wave. He thought it would be something fun, instead he had broken something fragile. Something he didn’t know if it could be fixed again.
That night the compound was as quiet as ever. Pepper had tried to explain to Morgan what had happened and took her upstairs. Meanwhile the other avengers had given both Tony and Peter some space.
Peter sat on the couch wrapped in a huge beach towel, among an even bigger fluffy blanket to keep him warm and cozy. His damp hair was plastered across his forehead now and then still dripping. He stared at the floor, his chest felt tight and he was trembling whether it was from the cold or shock he didn’t know. But he also couldn’t bring himself to care.
Tony was seated on the table across from him, hands clasped tightly together, words stuck in his throat. He felt like his own father, he had failed Peter, he had failed to protect him. And he was the cause of his pain this time..
After a few minutes Peter managed to whisper out some words “They used to do that to me.”
Tony stilled, shock crossing over his face before he schooled his features. He had to stay calm, for Peter, for his kid. “...Do what?” he asked, unsure what the boy in front of him had meant. He didn’t want to jump to conclusions. Peter’s hand tightened into the blanket and swallowed. “Hold me under water. When..uhm when I was little. Before May, she doesn’t- please don’t tell her.” he looked up with teary eyes and sniffled trying to get the rest of his words out. “He said I was.. That I was being dramatic. That I was being weak, that this would toughen me up.” He took another breath, nearly choking on it. “At first it was just water, but then he added ice saying it would hurt more. But when he noticed he hadn’t fully pushed me under he pushed me deeper and…”
Peter took another shaky breath and looked down wringing his hands together as he uttered the next few words, barely a whisper. “I thought I was going to die..”
Tony’s chest ached at hearing those words come from the trembling boy before him. He wanted to be angry, to go fly off and hurt whoever hurt his kid. To tear the world apart, for it oh so dared to be mean to someone so innocent and loving. But the state that Peter was in right in front of him kept him grounded. He needed to be there for him right now, and he would move heaven and earth for it to happen. For seeing the resemblance of a smile on that face again. After all it had been his own fault…
“Kid..” he couldn't help the crack in his voice as he spoke, clearing his throat he moved closer, hand hovering as if afraid that his touch would make everything worse. “I didn’t know, god Pete. If I had known, I wouldn’t- I wouldn’t have done it. I thought I was being playful.. Instead I scared you and brought back traumatic events. That’s on me and I can't-” he had to blink the tears away before they ran down his cheeks. “I can’t express how sorry I am for what happened..”
Peter blinked back his own tears, yet some managed to fall down his cheeks. Tony wanted to desperately wipe them away. “It wasn’t your fault…You didn’t know” he looked back at Tony and sniffled, wiping away his tears. “I didn’t want anyone to know”
“Well..” Tony softened his voice, resting his hand on the kid’s knee and squeezing ever so softly. “Now somebody does, and I’m glad you felt brave enough to tell me. You’re not carrying this alone now anymore, not while I'm here” he assured and sat down next to him. Peter hesitated at first but fully leaned into his mentor’s side, his head on his chest right above the arc reactor, the humming being a comforting sound. Tony immediately wrapped his arms around the kid holding him close, firm and steady. The only word going through Peter’s mind at that moment was safe, safe, safe.
“You’re not alone anymore kid” Tony murmured resting his head in Peter’s curls.
Before either of them could speak another word Morgan had barged in with a drawing clutched into her hands. Tony looked over at Pepper and gave a look of “i tried my best she was determined' but they both knew Morgan meant well.
“Petey!” Morgan crawled up on the couch on the other side of Peter and shoved the drawing in his face. Wobbly stick figures adorned the paper made with crayons, the stick figures represented Tony, Pepper, Peter and Morgan. Above the stick figures she had written in her own unique handwriting was FAMILY. SAFE.
Seeing the drawing, Peter’s voice tightened and tears were ready to be spilled again. Instead he gave her a teary eyed smile and let her cuddle into the other side of him. “Thanks mo..”
She beamed up at him and buried her against his side crawling inside the blanket that was around him. “No more beach okay” she mumbled tiredly.
Peter laughed softly and wrapped his arm around her “No more beach”
Eventually Pepper joined Tony’s other side on the couch. Peter for once, didn’t feel alone. He felt warm and safe.