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"Mammaaaaa! Abbiamo finito di giocare a calcio e ho vinto! Dieci a zero. La mamma è troppo lenta per giocare a calcio con me. Posso avere uno spuntino? E poi giocare alla Switch?" Mateo shouted, as he came barrelling in from the backyard, sweaty and red-faced.
[We're done playing football and I won! Ten nil. Mommy is too slow to play football with. Can I have a snack? And then play on the Switch?]
Carina chuckled, and immediately regretted it when she ruffled his hair and her hand met damp strands. "Sì! Ma-” she called before Mateo could completely race into the kitchen. "Ma la cena è tra un'ora, quindi fai solo uno spuntino." He nodded, kicking his sneakers off as he ran. "Mateo?” She waited for him to shout ‘Sì’ before continuing. “Bevi un po' d'acqua. E LAVATI LE MANI!"
[Yes! But... but dinner is in an hour so only have a small snack… Mateo… Drink some water. AND WASH YOUR HANDS!]
"Sì, Mamma. Sai che lo farei"
[you know i would]
Carina shook her head, deciding not to argue with him. Or tell him he'd be having a shower this evening- some things were best kept as a surprise.
"Mateo?" She called, still holding the laundry.
"Mmm-hmmm."
"Be quiet if you're going upstairs, Matilde is sleeping. And… don't have more than two string cheeses." She added with a chuckle, knowing almost certainly he was about to reach for a third string cheese. They could barely keep them in the house between Mateo, Maya and even Baby Matilde. Carina had tried one once, and had declared them absolutely disgusting, buy kept buying them, happy to fuel her family's string cheese obsession.
"Whyyyy."
"Ti verrà mal di pancia e io ho preparato le lasagne per cena." This was also true, 5 year old Mateo had had quite the upset stomach after going to town on a packet of cheese strings whilst Maya’s back was turned. And yet, he still loved them.
[you'll get a tummy ache and I've made Lasagne for dinner.]
"Ooooh! Evviva, grazie mamma!"
She heard him slam the fridge door and race off, just as Maya appeared around the side of the house. As equally red-faced, though also… scowling?
"You're limping," Carina pointed out, as Maya hobbled through the door, now wincing with every step. "Why are you limping?"
"Stupid ankle."
"Did you roll it?" Carina asked, immediately heading over to the freezer to retrieve one of their well used ice-packs.
"No, but it just- it always hurts. It always ruins things."
Carina sighed, grabbing a bottle of water out of the fridge for Maya, before she unlocked the cabinet they kept the medicine in and found her wife some Tylenol. She followed Maya into the living room, her wife moving at a snail's pace, barely putting any weight on her foot. As she turned, Carina couldn't help but pout at the sad look on her face. "Sit down."
"I'm fine. Where's Tee?”
"She's sleeping. Let me help."
"I'm fine. Is she okay? That's a long nap?"
"She's getting her molars, it's normal. Sit down."
Maya sighed and sunk onto the sofa with yet another wince. Carina lifted her foot and rested it against her knee, as she carefully unlaced her wife's muddy sneaker. "You definitely didn't roll it?" Carina asked, as she eased the sneaker off with a hiss of pain from Maya. She could tell, even before she took the sock off that it was swollen.
"No, it just started hurting with every step. Stupid. Fucking. Thing."
"Amore."
"What, Carina?! It never works. And as I've gotten older it's gotten worse. All I want to do is run around and play soccer-"
"Football."
"Soccer with my son."
"You can Amore, it's just having a bad day," Carina said gently, as she pulled off the sock, nodding at the slight bruising painting her foot. She carefully lowered Maya’s foot onto the coffee table, reaching for a pillow to support it. She took the ice pack and rested it on her ankle carefully, eyes focused on Maya's now stony expression.
"First, take these. And drink this, you're so red and sweaty," Carina instructed, holding up the water and the pills. "Per favore? For me?" She added when Maya didn't immediately take them.
Maya rolled her eyes but took the pills and drained the bottle in a few gulps.
"I just remembered something..." Carina said, when the sadness didn't simply leave after some medicine and water.
Maya tilted her head, watching as Carina turned back towards her ankle. "I didn't kiss it better."
"Carina."
"My kisses are healing, let me kiss it better," she said, already lifting the ice pack. She leaned down and pressed her lips to the cold skin, leaving a feather-light kiss on her achilles.
She looked up at Maya, her eyebrow raised, "did it work?"
Maya shrugged, eyes fixated on her ankle. Though Carina didn't miss the momentary smile that played on her wife's lips.
"Porca miseria, it's worse than I thought! I'll have to go back to the easel to think what I should do." She sighed dramatically, hoping over-the-top theatrics would pull Maya out of her ankle-related stupor.
"It's a drawing board."
"Mmm, that too," she grinned, flashing Maya a wink.
As she considered her options, her brow furrowed.
"I could get Mateo and Matilde to kiss it better, but I think Matilde would just headbutt your ankle and laugh. Mateo... he would kiss it but I think he'd also probably lick it as a prank. Plus I don't think disturbing him from video games is worth it."
"Yeah, no, my ankle is not worth it compared to Zelda. I guess it'll just have to stay bust."
Carina sighed, "have you ever tried to tell it just to get better faster? Or given it a hard stare? Like in the movie with the British bear Matilde likes."
"Every day after my Olympic race," Maya chuckled softly.
Almost immediately, she sighed heavily, leaning her head back, momentary smile gone. Nothing was fair. She was an Olympic Gold Medalist, she should be able to play soccer with her son.
Carina smiled sadly and sat on the sofa next to her. She pressed a gentle kiss to Maya’s cheek, brushing her fingers through her wife's hair. It was just as warm and sweaty as Mateo's. She resisted wrinkling her nose, knowing Maya liked it.
Eventually she turned until she was lying with her head in Maya’s lap, determined to cheer her up, immediately alarmed when she saw tears as Maya looked down at her.
"Cosa c'è che non va?" Carina said softly, reaching a hand to cup Maya’s cheek.
"Everything," Maya huffed through tears.
"That's not true," Carina said, brushing her thumb along Maya’s cheek. "Amore mio."
"It is. My ankle ruins everything. The hike up to see Etna, my chances of running competitively, the fun-day race at Mateo's school, bouncing with Tee on the trampoline at that party, playing soccer in the-"
"But it also helped you win Olympic gold. It helps you carry Mateo and Matilde at the same time. And dance with me at our wedding. And save countless lives. And hold me up time and time again when we got a negative test or miscarried. It was part of the body that supported me through that time in our lives. It's part of the body that rocked our babies to sleep. That walked around the bedroom for hours as our baby grieved her Mamma."
"But-"
"Your worth isn't defined by your ankle. Even if it feels like that. You deserve love. Your ankle deserves love." She said slowly, fingers still brushing along Maya’s cheeks.
Maya raised a sceptical eyebrow at her "my ankle deserves love?"
"Yeah." Carina said, sliding off the sofa.
"Where are you going now?"
"You'll see," she said crossing the hallway into the kids' playroom. She returned quickly with...
"A pen?" Maya's scepticism was only growing.
"Sì, a pen," she sat down on the floor next to the coffee table and uncovered Maya’s ankle again. Once more she leaned in and pressed a kiss to it before uncapping the pen. Carefully, slowly, she drew something directly onto Maya's foot.
"What are you-?" Maya leaned to look at her foot as Carina pulled back.
"Un cuore, so you remember to love it like we love it."
"Oh-"
Maya swallowed thickly, emotion catching in her throat.
Carina looked up at her, surprised to see her wife's tears falling harder. "Amore mio."
"I-"
"Va bene, va bene," she whispered as she crawled onto the sofa and pulled Maya into a hug. "I'm sorry."
"I-"
"It's okay, I know."
"What did I do to deserve you?"
"Oh amore, mio."
Maya’s pant leg was cuffed higher than usual as she pushed the door open, the little bell above it jangling as she stepped into the sunlight. Warmth spilled over her. She tilted her face up, closed her eyes for a second, then glanced down.
The heart was there, tiny and perfect on her ankle- Carina’s heart, the one she’d doodled in the margin of a love letter years ago. When their relationship was new, before she understood what she'd gone through.
Now it was tattooed on her ankle- the one that she always felt failed her. The one Carina kissed and insisted was worthy of love as she drew a heart.
Now it was permanent.
Always there as a reminder.
It hadn’t been a spur of the moment decision. She’d spent hours lying in bed with her phone, as Carina slept, scrolling through Yelp reviews and cross-checking hygiene ratings like she was choosing a surgeon instead of a tattoo parlor.
In the end, it was Echo Ink, a women-owned, queer-run shop with the highest ratings in Seattle, that had won. Her artist, Morgan, had been kind in an unexpected way. They understood that it wasn't just a tattoo; it's a story you’re putting on your skin. They had let her pause, they'd talked her through it. They'd listened.
It wasn’t just skin and ink; it was a reminder that she was worthy of the life she'd fought for. That her body- all of it- was worthy of love, not just from Carina, from herself too. It was proof, as well. Of love. Of survival. Of a promise that her ankle- her achilles, her sore spot, her soft spot- deserved tenderness too.
She laughed softly, alone on the sidewalk, and cuffed her pant leg even higher so the whole world could see.
Though they could see it, they'd never understand the true meaning of it. The story etched into the ink on her achilles.
"Hi," Maya called as she entered the house, "I'm home."
"Mommy!"
"Mmm-eeeee!"
"Hi Ma-tato, hi Tiny-Tee," she grinned, scooping them both up as soon as they were close enough, alternating whose cheeks she pressed kisses too.
"Amore mio! Ciao!" Carina appeared, dish-towel slung over her shoulder, a bottle brush in her hand. "Hi."
"Hi," Maya chuckled, stepping closer to kiss her, giddy with love.
Carina pulled back, eyes examining her. "You seem different."
"Oh?"
"Mmm," Carina narrowed her eyes. "It's not a haircut or new clothes. You're not wearing makeup or styled yourself differently."
"Could it be the tattoo?" Maya said, turning her foot so Carina could see.
"Amore," Carina gasped, fingers reaching for it until she realised.
"It's okay, you can touch it, it has this thing called second skin on it. I have to take it off in between 2 and 21 hours from now and I have special soap and cream for it and Morgan said-" Maya was cut off by a pair of lips on hers.
"I love it."
"It's your heart... on my achilles..."
Carina simply pouted in response, eyes welling with tears, crouching to get a better look at it.
"Why don't I sit down and everyone can look?" Maya suggested, wobbling a little.
Mateo and Matilde both cheered and soon enough she found herself sat on the sofa in the same position as a couple of weeks ago, except now she had her wife and her babies crowding around her foot looking at the heart.
"Mommy?"
"Potato DeLuca-Bishop?"
"Can I colour it in when it's better?"
"Sure," Maya chuckled, "what do you think of it, bud?"
"Its pretty cool 'cept the heart is a bit janky."
Maya chuckled. "Mamma drew the heart over 10 years ago, before you were born, before Mamma and I got married. Maybe even before Mamma knew she loved me. And I like its janki-ness, reminds me not everything has to be perfect."
"Mmmm-eeee?"
"Yes my Mattie?"
"Har mmm-eeeeee!" Matilde said, heavily 'patting' Maya's ankle.
"Yeah, a heart," Maya laughed through a wince. “Do you like it, Tee?”
“Uhhh- Yeppppp.”
“Good,” Maya chuckled.
"What do you think of it?" Carina asked, finger gently tracing the heart.
"I love it."
Carina smiled and pressed a feather-light kiss to it, "ti amo, amore mio."
"Ti amo, my love. Ti amo, babies."
"Amo mmm-ee"
"Ti amo, Mommy… can we go and play football?”