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Chapter Text

Rafael just wanted to go home. 

Go home and forget today had ever happened.

Rafael rubbed his temples as he considered the absolute shitstorm of his day. It was a combination of the usual stresses; Buchanan and Rita were working together on their twisted, demonic defense alliance; the case was a classic "he-said-she-said" and the SVU squad were currently at one another’s throats due to stress and frustration. Somehow, this one had hit the squad harder than usual and none of them were handling it well. Add to that, the heavens had opened and he was battered by the wind and rain in the few steps between his Uber and the SVU precinct. His navy blue suit was soaked and the cold material clung horribly to his skin. He wasn't sure just how it could get worse.

“Seriously?” Rafael muttered as he saw the ‘Out of Order’ sign on the elevator. Reluctantly, he pushed open the door to the stairwell and began the climb to the third floor. 

Apparently it could get worse.

Rafael stepped out of the stairwell and dodged a uniformed cop who was struggling to close up a dripping, dented umbrella. Rafael could hear the yelling as he approached the squad room. The noise alone confirmed that wherever Liv was, she obviously was not dealing with the overgrown toddlers that she called detectives.

“She didn’t ruin the case; you’re just being heartless!” Mike insisted to Amaro who glared back. “She testified as best she could and her testimony is all we have.”

“And whose fault is that?! We could have arrested him that first morning when she gave us his name, his address and the fucking phone number but no, you were too gutless to go against Daddy which meant we were delayed and evidence was destroyed!" Amaro retorted as he turned to Fin. “Back me up on this.”

“Look, rules are rules, but Nick’s right. Even if he is being a jerk.” Fin stated fairly. Nick, still angered, rounded on Sonny who had been silently observing the argument.

“What? Nothing to say? None of your Fordham Law classes give any advice on this?” Nick snapped. “Do you learn nothing at night school? Idiota.”

Rafael caught a glimpse of the hurt look on Sonny’s face and that compelled him to step forwards, but before he could come to Sonny’s defense, someone else stepped in. 

“That’s enough!” Amanda shouted as she came into the room, somehow looking more intimidating than usual despite her pale pink sweater and her right hand holding onto Franny’s leash. “Amaro, go to the cribs, the break room, anywhere but here. Mike, Sonny see if there’s anything Barba can use to salvage this mess. Fin, Liv needs you in her office. 1PP are giving her hell again.”

Rafael felt a newfound wave of respect for Amanda as all four did as they were told. Not even Amaro had attempted to argue with her. As an uneasy quiet fell, Rafael approached her. As he neared, he reached down to pat Franny’s soft golden head. At least today wasn't all bad. Any day when he could pet a dog couldn't be 100% terrible. Franny preened under his strokes and licked his fingers in response.

“New recruit?” Rafael quipped and Amanda shook her head. 

“The little girl we interviewed yesterday, she could only speak when I mentioned Franny so I promised I’d bring her today. If it helps her tell us what happened, that’s what matters.” Amanda explained, a weary look in her eye that Rafael understood all too well. Cases involving kids were always the worst. 

“I was going to talk about the court case today but that mightn’t be a good idea.” Rafael stated. He was soaking wet, freezing cold and all he wanted was a hot coffee and to go to bed. He could scrap the rest of the day and begin again tomorrow. 

“I’d try to get home before that storm gets even worse,” Amanda agreed. She was already dreading the drive home but it would be worse for Rafael. Whatever cabs and Ubers were going to work through the storm would undoubtedly hike up the price, simply because they could. 

“Tell Liv I’ll call her later,” Rafael sighed as he turned back towards the stairwell. Just as his foot made contact with the puddle of rainwater that had dripped from the umbrella to the edge of the first step, he heard the worried call of Amanda’s voice, a cry of shock from the uniformed cop and a worried bark from Franny. Before Rafael fully knew what had happened, he tumbled over and over down the stairs to the half landing. Just as his head hit the floor, he heard the clattering of Franny’s paws before the world went dark. 

Slowly, wincing at the pain in the side of his head, Rafael pushed himself upright. Franny was snuffling gently at his head and licked his cheek. With a forced smile, Rafael stroked her head. “I’m OK, where’s ev-huh?”

Somehow, instead of the stairwell or even one of the rooms at SVU, Rafael seemed to be sitting in someone’s kitchen. A kitchen that had various items of furniture and crockery strewn around. Rafael rubbed his sore head as he carefully stood up. He hadn’t woken up in a random kitchen since his undergraduate days. However, instead of a hangover, he just felt disoriented. Sunlight was streaming through the windows and Franny was sniffing curiously near the door. 

“Let’s get out of here,” Rafael muttered as he took Franny’s lead in his hand and pushed open the door. Instead of entering an apartment hallway or a busy Manhattan street, they were standing in a vividly coloured village square. Large flowering bushes surrounded the wreckage of the house. The village had small houses in a rainbow of every colour. The sky was a deep blue without a since cloud and even the air seemed to smell sweet and pure. 

Rafael took a step forward and tightened his grip on Franny’s lead as the obvious realisation kicked in. 

“Franny, we are not in Manhattan anymore.”

Chapter Text

As Rafael stepped further into the village, he could hear whispers and giggles that were seemingly coming from hedges and behind trees. The sound unnerved him but before he could call out, a cloud of pink smoke appeared from nowhere. As the smoke faded, Franny ran in excited circles and Rafael’s brow crinkled in confusion at the familiar face. 

“Amanda?” Rafael asked. “What’s goi-?”

“Are you a good wizard or an evil wizard?” Amanda asked, her fingers twirled the silver scepter in her hand. Her hair was loosely resting over her shoulders and the pink gown she was in was a soft, pale shade but there was a gentle glimmer on the bodice and skirt. Aside from the fact that Amanda would never normally wear such a thing, the fact that she appeared from literally nowhere confirmed that whatever this was, it was not normal. 

“You’re kidding right? I’m not a wizard.” Rafael replied. “What is this place?”

“You’re in Munchkinland. The Munchkins told me that a wizard appeared from the sky and killed the Wicked Wizard of the East. Here you are and that’s what’s left of the Wizard.” Amanda explained as she gestured towards the wreckage of the small house. 

Aware that he hadn’t murdered anyone, Rafael looked over towards the wreckage and froze at the sight of a large hand and the ends of a glittering ruby red tie. OK,that was a dead person but murder implied intent. So maybe he hadn’t committed murder, but manslaughter was still a possibility. He wouldn't be able to defend himself if it was murder or manslaughter. Everyone knew that a lawyer who represented himself had a fool for a client and Rafael Barba was no fool.

“It was an accident,” Rafael protested. “I didn’t mean to.”

“Believe me, you’ve done them a favour. Buchanan was always cruel and horrible to them.” Amanda explained as she raised her voice. “You can come out now, it’s safe!”

“How is that a fav-wait, Buchanan?!” Rafael repeated as he looked back towards the hand. Had he really killed Buchanan? No one would ever believe it was an accident now. Hell, they had all considered killing Buchanan, it just seemed that somehow, he had managed to do it. Even if they accused him of murder and called for his arrest; a lot of it would be fuelled by jealousy because they hadn’t had the chance to kill Buchanan themselves.

“Yes, Buchanan, the Wicked Wizard of the East.” Amanda repeated, slightly irritated. “So again, are you a good wizard or a evil wizard?”

“Neither, I’m a prosecutor from New York. Is this- is this real?” Rafael asked as he pinched himself. It hurt. Slightly. So that didn’t really clarify if he was dreaming or not. If it hurt then he was awake but if it didn’t then it was a dream but it was never clear on how painful a pinch needed to be. 

“It is,” a new voice said. Rafael looked around to see Noah walking towards them, leading Jesse by the hand. “You saved us!”

“Thank you?” Rafael asked as he could see other residents of Munchkinland slowly emerge and approach them. 

“Let the news be spread; the evil old wizard is at last dead!” Amanda announced as the Munchkins began to cheer, celebrate, sing and dance. Rafael wasn’t sure if this was in bad taste or not but when they started to give him flowers and some candies, he couldn’t begrudge them that. Besides, most of the Munchkins were kids. He was an asshole but he tried not to be one to kids. 

“Come with us!” Jesse insisted as she took Rafael’s free hand but before he could go with her, a loud clap of thunder burst across the clear blue sky. Rafael could hear the children’s panicked shouting as another could, this time made of thick, black acrid smoke filled his lungs. Franny whimpered and nestled her head into Rafael’s thigh, he crouched down to both avoid the smoke and reassure the dog. Even though he was also worried, he didn't want Franny to be scared. She was his only true friend here.

“Who’s that?” Rafael asked as the smoke cleared and he found himself looking at another familiar face. This time, he had to stop himself from laughing aloud. This newcomer, dressed all in black with a broom in one hand and a wide brimmed hat on her head looked just like Rita Calhoun. 

Except her skin was a bright, emerald green. 

“Celebrating St Patrick’s Day early I see,” Rafael muttered as Rita (Not Rita?) looked at the wreckage of the house and rounded on the frightened, hiding Munchkins before her eyes fell on Rafael. 

“Who killed my brother? Who killed the Wizard of the East? Was it you?” Rita demanded and despite the greenness of her skin, her anger was genuinely terrifying. Whoever this Rita was, she was far more frightening and dangerous than the one he knew in Manhattan. Not to mention, this Rita clearly had magic powers and knew how to use them.

“It was an accident, death by misadventure really,” Rafael explained as Amanda put a protective arm around him. 

“What about the ruby tie?” Amanda asked and as Rita turned and stalked towards the wreckage, Amanda gave an almost unnoticeable twitch of her wand.

Just as Rita reached for the ruby tie, it curled up and vanished, along with Buchanan’s hand. “Where is it? This isn’t funny Amanda! What did you do?”

“It’s too powerful an artefact for you. So it's right here and here it will stay.” Amanda remarked as she gestured to Rafael’s collar. He reached up and could feel the smooth, cool surface of the gems. He knew he ought to probably question the practicality of a tie made of rubies but he also didn’t care. He knew he’d look good in it. Red was one of his better colours. “Now get out of here, before you find a house falling on you too!”

Rita glanced up at the sky but angered by her moment of panic, she glared at Rafael. “Very well, you won’t be safe forever. I’ll get you my pretty, and your little dog too!”

“I didn’t need to hear that,” Rafael muttered, now he had the sound of Rita’s voice calling him pretty. Even if he was interested in women, Rita was not his type. Now if Sonny had called him pretty... well, that was a thought for another time.

As Rita vanished, Amanda gently called the Munchkins out of their hiding place. Rafael looked back at the wreckage of the house. He had no idea how he had even wound up in the house in the first place and he doubted it would be of any use to him now. “What do I do? I need to go home.”

“Hmm, you’re not a wizard so you can’t just use magic.” Amanda thought for a moment. “The only one who might be able to help is the Wise One. You’ll need to travel to the Emerald City.”

“And how do I get there?” Rafael asked as Amanda gestured to the ground at their feet. The ground was paved with bright yellow cobblestones. Clearly any concept of muted colours was nonexistent here. 

“Follow the Yellow Brick Road but be careful, the ruby tie is powerful and the Witch won’t stop until she gets it back. The Wise One will help you.” Amanda explained. 

“Can’t you come with me or just magic us there?” Rafael asked. It seemed like a long walk and what was the point of magic if he couldn’t use it for his own benefits. 

“Teleportation magic only works for one person at a time. Otherwise you leave half of yourself behind.” Amanda explained as Rafael grimaced at the implication. “You’ll be safe Rafael. Follow the Yellow Brick Road all the way to the Emerald City.” 

With that, Amanda vanished and Rafael took hold of Franny’s lead again. The Munchkins had been playing with her and although she was as reluctant to leave as Rafael was; Franny trotted alongside him.

“Follow the Yellow Brick Road,” Rafael repeated to himself. He still hadn’t decided if this was a dream or not but he may as well explore more of this place before Rita found him once more.

Chapter Text

“Now where do we go?” Rafael asked Franny; half expecting an answer. He was in a place where witches and munchkins existed and where houses crushed Buchanan. Who was to say that Franny hadn’t developed the ability to speak?

They had walked down the yellow brick road to a fork in the road. One path went to the left and the other to the right. Both trailed off into woodlands and there wasn’t a signpost anywhere. In between the two forks in the road was a large field filled with rows and rows of corn. Where was this place, Nebraska? 

Franny sniffed the paths before she sat down on the road. Clearly she couldn’t get a trail either. 

“You could go this way,” a voice called and Rafael looked around. This place with its disembodied voices was starting to give him the creeps. 

“Who said that?” Rafael called. It didn’t sound like a Munchkin or the Witch. There was also something familiar about that voice…

“You could also go that way.” the voice called again and Rafael looked back towards the cornfield. Perched on a wooden post was a scarecrow whose face was turned towards one of the paths along with his arm pointing at it. 

“No,” Rafael dismissed the thought as the scarecrow turned his head back towards Rafael and smiled at him. 

“Or either way is good too!” The scarecrow announced cheerfully as he crossed his arms over his chest. 

“That voice,” Rafael muttered. There was no mistaking it. That was a Staten Island accent as clear as day and the scarecrow’s smile was identical to- “Carisi?”

“What’s a Carisi? I’m Sonny. I think that’s what they call me.” Sonny explained with a cheerful shrug of his shoulders. “I don’t remember things too good.”

“Too well, you mean?” Rafael asked as he stepped closer, Franny beside him who began to sniff at the Sonny Scarecrow. 

“Do I? Maybe. I don’t have a brain, only straw,” Sonny explained as he gestured to his head. Rafael frowned at that. Aside from the fact that the scarecrow did bear a resemblance to Sonny, which in itself is impressive due to his woven face and thatched hair which seemed to be a peculiar shade of yellow and brown. It looked more brunette than blond, wasn’t straw meant to be yellow? And not able to make a scarecrow speak?

As soon as he got home, he was going to see a therapist. Maybe they’d help him work through whatever his subconscious was trying to tell him. 

“You don’t have a brain but you can still talk?” Rafael asked. Maybe he just needed to stop questioning every little thing here. Clearly there were different rules in this reality. Questioning every little thing would inevitably trigger another migraine and something told him that neither painkillers nor coffee existed here. 

God, he could go for a coffee right now. 

“Well lots of folk do a lot of talking and they don’t have brains.” Sonny reasoned as he shifted slightly. “Listen, my shirt is stuck on a nail and I can’t reach it. Can you?”

“Sure,” Rafael said as he reached up to unhook the tangled threads. “And I suppose you’re right about the no brain thing. Most people I know can talk without a brain.” 

Journalists. Defense Attorneys. Tourists. Mets fans. He’d met many people who had been lacking brain cells but somehow their mouths more than overcompensated for it. 

Sonny slumped down onto the grass and smiled as Franny sniffled his cheek. He began to stroke her soft fur and Franny wagged her tail excitedly. “Hi buddy! What’s your name?”

“Her name’s Franny, I’m Rafael.” Rafael said as he helped Sonny to his feet. “Listen, we have no idea where we are but do you know the way to the Emerald City?”

“Sure but why are you going there?” Sonny asked and despite himself, Rafael smiled. This Sonny had the same curious, inquisitive nature as his Sonny.

Well, not his Sonny but the Sonny he knew in Manhattan. 

He wasn’t his Sonny. Yet. No, not yet, he was just Sonny. 

Just Sonny. 

“It’s a long story but basically, there’s an evil witch who wants to kill me and apparently this so-called Wise One can help Franny and I get back home.” Rafael relayed as Sonny bounced in excitement. 

“The Wise One? Can I come with you? Maybe the Wise One could give me a brain? Imagine how smart I’d be with a brain of my own! I’d be able to read books and cook and do more than try to scare stupid birds away!” Sonny exclaimed excitedly and Rafael smiled sincerely at his joyful enthusiasm. 

Definitely like his Sonny. 

“Sure, if this Wise One is as great as everyone says, maybe you’ll get a brain.” Rafael agreed as Sonny led the way down one of the paths in the road. “I mean it though, this wicked witch, Rita, she will try to kill me and she might try to kill you.”

“Rita?” Sonny gave a low whistle. “What did you do to piss her off?”

“I accidentally dropped a house on her brother. I mean, I didn’t mean to. One minute I was in Manhattan, the next, Franny and I are here.” Rafael replied. “None of this makes sense to me.”

“Nor to me,” Sonny shrugged. “But the Wise One will help us.”

“Who is this Wise One?” Rafael asked. Everyone seemed to be both aware of and unaware of the Wise One. Even the fact that a name hadn’t even been given was both a worry and a cause for skepticism. It also made him wonder; everyone he had met here had so far correlated to someone he knew back home. Rollins, Sonny, Rita, even Noah and Jesse. So who would this Wise One be?  Who would he come across next? 

“Well, I never met the Wise One but people say the Wise One can do anything, solve any problem but,” Sonny shrugged. “Who knows?”

“I guess there’s only one way to find out.” Rafael sighed as he looked at Sonny who was still grinning cheerfully at him. Damn, even as a scarecrow with a face made of an old hessian sack; that smile was as endearing and charming as ever. “Which way do we go?”

“This way!” Sonny announced as he, Rafael and Franny continued down the right fork in the road. 

From her position on her broomstick above the trees, Rita scoffed as she watched the scarecrow lead Rafael down the path. It was a shame, had they gone the other way, she could have easily led them into a trap. This may require more time.

Chapter Text

To his surprise, Rafael found himself enjoying his walk with Sonny and Franny. Sure, he was still in a weird alternate world where a witch version of Rita wanted him dead and the cute guy he worked with was now a talking scarecrow but things could be worse. 

Just as he thought that, his stomach rumbled. He and Sonny had long since eaten the snacks the Munchkins had given him and he could really do with something to eat. However they were still walking through the forest and there wasn’t exactly a food stall or a coffee cart nearby. 

“Hungry?” Sonny asked as he pointed towards the trees. “There’s some apple trees there.”

“I could have one.” Rafael shrugged. A snack was a snack, even if it was fruit. He stepped off of the path and approached one of the trees. Just as he took an apple, the branches snapped around his wrist, holding his hand in place. “What the hell?”

“Hey! How would you like it if I pulled something off of you!” The tree snarled with a furious, rasping voice. Because of course even the trees spoke in this place.

“I wouldn’t and I’m sorry but,” Rafael paused. Would the phrase ‘you’re a tree’ come across as racist? Could you even be racist to a tree?

“You wouldn’t want these anyway!” Sonny piped up and Rafael frowned at him. He was the one who mentioned the trees in the first place. “I bet they’re rotten and infested with worms!”

“You cheeky-!” The tree holding Rafael let go as it and its neighbour tree began to pluck apples from their branches and toss them at Rafael and Sonny. Cheerfully, Sonny scooped up the apples in his worn hat and he and Rafael hurried down the road, Franny at their heels. 

“I don’t know if that was genius or foolish,” Rafael scoffed as he took one of the apples and bit into it. The sweet juice and the tart taste of the apple was enough to make him understand why both Eve and Snow White did what they did. He’d never had an apple this good before. “Genius. Definitely genius.”

Sonny beamed with pride at the praise. “Thank you! Imagine how smarter I’d be when I get my brain.”

“Indeed,” Rafael remarked, squinting at a sudden brightness in his eye. He held a hand up to shield his gaze and Franny turned her head in the same direction. “What’s that?”

“I’m not sure,” Sonny replied as he led the way over. “A tank? Something made of metal.”

Not a tank, a person. Or rather, a sculpture shaped like a person. Rafael walked around to see the face and was both surprised and unsurprised to see the metal man looked just like- “Amaro?”

The metal man blinked and mumbled something incoherent. Rafael and Sonny looked at one another, unsure of what he said. The metal version of Amaro murmured again and stiffly inched his hand. Rafael looked over and spotted an oil can on the ground nearby. 

“He needs to be oiled.” Rafael said as he first began to apply the oil to the arm joints before he passed it to Sonny in order to do his other side. As tempted as Rafael was to keep his mouth sealed shut, especially if this Amaro was anything like the Amaro he knew. However Rafael also knew that wasn’t exactly fair to stop him from speaking. “Get his mouth.”

“On it,” Sonny replied as he applied the oil to the edges of the metal man’s mouth. 

“Finally,” Amaro gasped as with several loud creaks, he began to move his arms and legs. “I’m Amaro. I was cutting wood and it began to rain. I’ve been stuck there for ages.” 

“It could have been worse,” Sonny shrugged as Amaro scoffed and picked up his axe. 

“It already is. Listen.” Amaro retorted as he hit his metal fist against his torso. An echoing clang sounded and Sonny smiled. 

“A lovely sound,” Sonny complimented as Amaro rolled his eyes. Much like the real Amaro, Rafael was tempted to punch him for the eye roll. And not just because everyone knew sardonic eye rolls were Rafael’s thing.

“It’s hollow. When they made me, they forgot my heart. I can’t really feel anything.” Amaro explained.

“That’s awful,” Rafael admitted. He wasn’t overly fond of Amaro but it couldn’t be said that he never felt a singular emotion. “Maybe the Wise One can help? We’re on our way to meet them.” 

“Nah, the Wise One wouldn’t be interested in me.” Amaro shrugged. “Why are you going there anyway?”

“I need a brain,” Sonny shrugged as he pointed to Rafael. “But Rita is trying to kill him.”

“So? She wants everyone dead.” Amaro said as they made their way back to the yellow brick road. 

“Maybe,” Rafael replied. “But I’m the only one who accidentally killed her brother. So I’m sure I’m at the top of the list.”

“Yeah, that’ll do it.” Amaro agreed. “But I doubt he’ll help us. I’ve heard the Wise One only helps one person a year and that person’s already had it.”

“Who actually is this Wise One?” Rafael asked as they continued to walk slowly down the Yellow Brick Road. “Everyone’s been talking about him but who is he?”

“He’s the smartest person ever to come here.” Sonny explained. “He always knows what to say or how to solve people’s problems.” 

“Apparently he’s older than the hills.” Amaro added and Rafael thought for a moment. An older, wise man. Was the Wise Man Jack McCoy? Or at least, this world’s Jack McCoy? If so, that might not bode well for him. Depending on what mood he’s in. “Grumpy as hell too.” 

“Well, Amanda promised me that he’d help me.” Rafael replied and he knew better than to accuse any form of Amanda Rollins of being a liar. “Come on, let’s go. Rita’s not bothered us for a while so we should probably keep moving.”

“Let her come. I could fight her, easily.” Amaro insisted as he raised his axe and gave it a few experienced, practiced swings over his head. 

“And you know we’ll protect you,” Sonny reassured Rafael with such a sweet, sincere smile that Rafael felt a wave of affection rush through him. It not only assuaged his concerns but solidified a decision in his mind. 

Whenever he returned to New York, he was going to risk it all and ask Sonny Carisi out on a date. 

“I know you will, both of you.” Rafael said truthfully. “Amaro’s right, we should keep walking. God knows what or who we’ll meet next.”