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~ ~ ~
Nie Huaisang fell to his knees and wretched, uncaring how many cultivators looked down on him. The air was filled with the scents of smoke and burning flesh, and thankfully the screaming had finally stopped.
Why Jin Guangshan wanted them here to watch this, he didn't know. All he knew was that he had never seen anything so inhumane in his short life. Were people truly meant to burn like that? Was that the only real way of ensuring someone did not become a fierce corpse when they died?
He sat down and leaned back against a marble pillar. He could feel his brother's eyes on him, both concerned and ashamed of how Nie Huaisang had reacted to the sight of Wen Qing being burned alive. He didn't care – it was bad enough that Jin Guangshan wanted witnesses, but why did Nie Mingjue insist on bringing him along?
He should be at home with a cup of tea and a good book, where he could forget about how many people had died. Jin Zixuan, all the others at Qiongqi Pass... He still didn't know what to think of it all. The Wei Wuxian he remembered from Gusu would not do the things they said he did.
Was the rest of the Jianghu wrong, or had he never really known Wei Wuxian to begin with? He thought they'd been friends once... Perhaps he'd been wrong. Perhaps nothing was what he thought it was.
He just wanted to hide away. Escape.
With thoughts of Gusu fresh in his mind, his eyes instinctively sought out the one other person he'd called friend in those days. Jiang Cheng, whose sister was now widowed, who had lost his sect to the Wen and had rebuilt it from the ground up. He found his friend at the far end of the courtyard, back stiff as a board and eyes narrowed and hard. He held something in his hand, fingers clasped so tightly around it that his knuckles had gone white. And then the fingers released, allowing the object to fall to the ground.
It was a wooden comb.
Oh no.
He remembered the comb, had found it hidden in Jiang Cheng's drawer one afternoon when he'd been snooping around. Jiang Cheng had found him and been more embarrassed than angry, and no matter how much needling Nie Huaisang had done, his friend hadn't told him why he'd bought it or for whom.
But Nie Huaisang had figured it out on his own, or at least had thought he had. He'd caught his friend stealing glances at the beautiful Lady Wen several times that summer in Cloud Recesses, an admiration there that left Nie Huaisang feeling torn. He'd wanted his friend to be happy, and had been glad Jiang Cheng had found someone that drew his eye.
It's just... he'd wished that person could have been him.
And now that very same Lady Wen had been burned before their very eyes. Oh, Jiang-xiong... His heart ached in sympathy.
As if he could hear Nie Huaisang's thoughts, Jiang Cheng turned his head and their eyes met across the courtyard. For a brief moment, his friend's walls fell and Nie Huaisang could read the heartbreak clear in his face. Jiang Cheng blinked, something glistening at his eyelashes, and then his face screwed up tightly as he turned and stormed away.
Nie Huaisang somehow managed to get back up on his feet. He ignored the voices around him, men and women praising Jin Guangshan and lamenting the fact that they could not kill Wen Qing again. They disgusted him. He trudged across the courtyard to the spot where Jiang Cheng had stood, and he bent down to pick up the wooden comb. He brushed off the dirt and debris, then slid it into his sleeve.
"A-Sang?" He looked up in time to watch Jin Guangyao approach him, face a picture of concern. "Are you all right? I told Da-ge that he shouldn't have brought you to this, but he never listens."
He shook his head and looked down at the ground. He didn't know how to answer – what did one say when one had watched someone die before their very eyes? And then he was enveloped in slim but comforting arms, and he tucked his face into his San-ge's neck. He sniffled and closed his eyes and allowed himself to be held.
"It was horrible, San-ge," he whispered. "Everyone here sounds so bloodthirsty, too. I can't stand it."
Jin Guangyao patted him gently on the back. "Why don't we go have a cup of tea? It will help get the smell out of your nose and settle your stomach. And you can tell me all about the opera you saw last week. How does that sound?"
He nodded and reluctantly let Jin Guangyao go. Aside from his brother, there was nobody in the world who cared about him as much as Jin Guangyao did, and he was yet again so very grateful for having him for a friend.
Jin Guangyao led him away from the horrible place and did his best to help Nie Huaisang forget all about the events of the afternoon. And for the most part, he succeeded.
But when Nie Huaisang lay his head down on his pillow to sleep, all he could see in his mind's eye was the sight of Wen Qing's burning body, and the heartbreak in Jiang Cheng's face.
~ ~ ~
Jiang Cheng snapped at his disciples as they gathered around him, one of them even daring to poke at the sword wound in his stomach. They didn't listen, they never did – they'd become immune to his temper long ago.
He looked back, watching various cultivators rushing into Guanyin Temple – or at least what had been Guanyin Temple before it had come crumbling down on their heads. There was so much noise in the air, people talking and shouting, and the occasional creak of breaking wood from within the building.
Another finger found its way into his wound, and this time he threw the touch off and shouted at his disciples to back off. They took a step back, but they didn't leave his side. Damn them for being so overprotective.
He heard voices and followed them to... of course, there was Wei Wuxian. It was him, always him, in the middle of everything whether he wanted to be or not. He stared at him – Wei Wuxian met his eyes briefly before looking away. He couldn't even be bothered to look at Jiang Cheng anymore. He wanted him to forget about the past, forget the core inside of him as if it had been a simple duty performed for one's sect leader. As if all the years of them growing up together, of Jiang Cheng holding him as close as a brother, had meant nothing. If he stared at him any longer, he would make himself sick from the mess of emotions roiling up inside of him, and so he shook his head and turned away.
Lan Xichen was standing up and moving to join his uncle in the Temple. His gait was lax, and Jiang Cheng couldn't remember ever seeing the man being less elegant or dignified. He looked completely and utterly broken.
Unlike Nie Huaisang. Jiang Cheng watched his old friend follow Lan Xichen with his eyes, then the other man paused. He reached into the debris for something, and only once Nie Huaisang began brushing it off did Jiang Cheng recognize it as the hat Jin Guangyao had worn so faithfully since being accepted to the Jin sect. Nie Huaisang stood up and calmly walked away from the temple...
...only to stop when Jiang Cheng stood before him, blocking his way.
Neither of them spoke. Jiang Cheng's jaw tightened as his mind filled with question upon question. Nie Huaisang's shoulders relaxed, and he held his chin up to meet his gaze head-on.
This man had once been Jiang Cheng's friend, but who was he really? Had he ever known Nie Huaisang? He didn't know what to believe anymore, not when he couldn't even trust the core within him. Or... perhaps he was one of the few who actually did know the man. He'd never truly believed in the Headshaker, had always thought something was off... Because he remembered the boy who smuggled spring books into Cloud Recesses. The boy who strategized far too well in his efforts to cheat at tests and avoid saber practice. The boy who complained about his annoying, overprotective brother all the time, but loved and worshipped him above all others.
He should be the only one not surprised to find Nie Huaisang standing in front of him, looking relieved.
Much like Jiang Cheng had done all those years ago with Wen Chao and Wen Zhuliu's bodies growing cold behind him.
"Are your people nearby?" he asked before he could even consider his words.
Nie Huaisang shook his head. "I sent them home, before..."
He gave a tight nod. "Do you have someplace to stay?"
"I was going to find an inn for the night, I suppose. After last night, travelling to Qinghe would not be advisable."
Jiang Cheng lifted his eyes to glance into Guanyin Temple and the activity still going on there. He heaved a heavy breath before returning his gaze to Nie Huaisang. "If you require an escort, I can send some of my disciples with you."
"That is... kind of you, Jiang-zongzhu," Nie Huaisang replied, his lips tilting at the corner in an almost-smile. "But I won't trouble you. I can find my own way."
Nie Huaisang lowered into a bow, and before Jiang Cheng could even think of returning it, he was once again upright and moving past him toward the compound's entrance. His jaw cracked as his teeth ground together. He glanced around the area one more time before turning and leaving as well, speeding up to grab Nie Huaisang's elbow and stop his progress.
Nie Huaisang spun and stood still, his eyes harder than Jiang Cheng could ever remember seeing them. He let go, but did not step away.
"Yunping is under Jiang jurisdiction," he began, watching the slightest relaxing of Nie Huaisang's shoulders as he spoke. "We'll need to figure out what to do about the site, and I presume you'll want to have a say, seeing as Chifeng-zun's body is still inside. Write to let me know when you've returned to Qinghe, and we can make arrangements."
Nie Huaisang looked up at him, eyes flickering back and forth as if he were searching for something in Jiang Cheng's face. Eventually, he nodded. "I will write as soon as I've made it home."
Jiang Cheng stepped back and made a quick bow, then watched as his old friend walked away.
The sound of a dog's excited woof drew his attention back to the Temple. He had to find Jin Ling, bring him home and feed him until they both forgot what had happened this past night.
~ ~ ~
Nie Huaisang ignored the voices around him, commenting on how impressed they were that he had conducted the sealing ceremony so well. Oh, he'd considered continuing his charade, claiming to know nothing and convince Jiang Cheng to perform the sealing on his behalf.
But he owed it to his brother to keep his body safe, even if in doing so he revealed he wasn't as useless as they thought he was. He hoped that perhaps, if he conducted the ceremony, it would give his brother's spirit some peace, and perhaps Nie Mingjue would rejoin the cycle of reincarnation sooner than later.
Besides, he was pretty certain that Jin Guangyao would hate that Nie Huaisang had performed the ceremony.
Or perhaps he wouldn't... it was so hard to tell with his San-ge. There had almost been pride and appreciation in his eyes as he'd spoken his final accusations...
He blinked and tried to throw the thoughts from his mind. There was no use lingering in old affections for the man who'd destroyed his entire world.
With the ceremony finished, all attendees went their separate ways – most to their home sects, but a few to enjoy the 'fruits' of Yunping. Nie Huaisang, however, had an appointment with an old friend. He rode his horse from the tomb site and toward Lotus Pier, a half day's ride that would surely have been shorter if he flew like every other cultivator – but then, he wasn't like other cultivators. When he reached the other sect, he was greeted at the door, having been expected. A disciple took his horse's reins and escorted her away, and another asked him to follow her into the sect grounds.
The sun was setting – it was just past the golden hour, and though he hadn't painted in many years, he still occasionally longed to see the world as it was in that beautiful span of time. He was led over boardwalks and pathways, finally arriving at a gazebo situated at the end of a pier in the middle of the Lotus Lake. There was a lone figure seated there, and the moment they were close enough, the disciple made a formal bow and waved Nie Huaisang forward.
Jiang Cheng briefly lifted his gaze from the lake to acknowledge Nie Huaisang, but he did not stand on ceremony like he would if this were to be a formal meeting between sect leaders. Perhaps that's why Nie Huaisang's shoulders dropped and he folded himself into a seat near his old friend without putting on a false smile. There was wine and two bowls on the table between their seats, and the other bowl already had a tell-tale glistening of liquid within it. He wasted no time in filling his own bowl and brought it to his lips, downing it in one go.
"So," Jiang Cheng muttered, reaching for the wine bottle to refill his bowl. "Does this mean the Headshaker's gone for good?"
"I don't know what you mean-" he replied automatically, but the words froze in his throat at Jiang Cheng's glare. He sighed. "I don't know," he replied honestly. "At this point, who else would I be?"
"You were the man who conducted the sealing ceremony without fault – I'm sure Lan Qiren will have qi deviation when he hears about it."
Nie Huaisang made a half-hearted chuckle. "I'm sure Lan Laoshi has other things to disrupt his qi." He paused, glancing aside at Jiang Cheng and thankful the other man didn't look enraged at even the hint of mention of Wei Wuxian. "Besides... I owed it to Da-ge to do it myself and do it right. And if it pisses San-ge off, then that's a wonderful bonus."
Jiang Cheng's glare this time was incredulous. "After everything that man did, after everything you did to him, you still call him that?"
He refilled his bowl and took a small sip. "Justice has been served – it doesn't mean I love him any less, only that I loved my duty to my brother more. You of all people know what it's like to watch someone you love die when you are duty-bound to allow it to happen, even have a hand in it."
His old friend snorted. "Don't tell me you still believe that bullshit about me killing Wei Wuxian."
"I'm not talking about him." He put down his bowl and reached into his wide sleeve, withdrawing an old wooden comb. He carefully placed it on the table next to Jiang Cheng's bowl of wine, and he watched a series of emotions travel over his old friend's face.
"Where did you get this?" Jiang Cheng growled.
"Where you left it, on the ground near where she was burned."
"Why did you bother?" Jiang Cheng's grip on his bowl of wine was so tight that the porcelain creaked. "It means nothing to me."
"Your eyes tell me otherwise... Jiang-xiong." At least that brought Jiang Cheng's gaze back Nie Huaisang's way, even if it was in the form of a scathing glare. "I saw the way your eyes followed her that summer in Gusu. I may be lazy and foolish, but I'm not blind."
Jiang Cheng looked again to the comb on the table. "It's the past... I've left it in the past. It has no place in my life now."
He shrugged. "Then do with it as you will. I'm simply returning it to its owner."
Nie Huaisang finished the rest of his bowl of wine before his old friend finally looked away from the piece of carved wood. He grabbed the comb and stood up, his back straight as a pillar. "Follow me," he ordered, then strode away from the dock without even looking to see if Nie Huaisang was going to follow him. For a brief moment, he considered staying and simply pouring himself another bowl of wine.
He stood up, but quickly grabbed the half-empty bottle of wine before he went to follow Jiang Cheng through Lotus Pier.
The buildings Jiang Cheng led him to were not ones he was familiar with, not in the guest quarters or other areas that visitors frequented. They came to a set of double doors engraved with the Jiang clan crest, and Nie Huaisang was surprised to see a large bedroom suite inside. He watched his friend head straight for the small hearth on the West wall, take a talisman from a nearby table, then activate it and toss it into the fireplace to start a fire.
Jiang Cheng lifted the comb before his face, simply standing there and staring at it. Nie Huaisang was reluctant to disturb him, even if to ask what he was thinking, and instead he lifted the bottle of wine to his lips and took in a deep swallow. And then he blinked as Jiang Cheng tossed the comb into the flames where the protective coating immediately began to burn away, leaving the rest of the wood to catch fire.
They stood side by side and watched the fire catch. Nie Huaisang, without taking his eyes from the flames, reached his hand aside to offer the bottle of wine to his old friend. It was accepted, and he listened to the sound of the wine swishing about as it was brought to Jiang Cheng's lips, finishing with a satisfied smacking of lips.
"There," Jiang Cheng sighed, and he did sound lighter than he had only minutes ago. "Now you."
"What do you mean, and me?"
"It's up to you, I'm not forcing you... but I saw you find your trophy outside Guanyin Temple. I'd bet my sect you even have it on you right now."
He grimaced. Had he always been that transparent to Jiang Cheng? It couldn't be that the other man knew him that well, not when they'd been little more than acquaintances over the last decade. He looked up at his old friend, fellow survivor of the Sunshot days, both of them the last of their families still standing. Perhaps Jiang Cheng didn't have to know him well, he simply had to look in the mirror.
He opened a qiankun pouch and pulled out Jin Guangyao's hat. He crumpled it up in his fingers and squeezed it tightly, and despite himself, he could feel tears stinging at his eyes. He had been filled with grief and rage for so many years, hidden behind a weak veneer and his beloved folding fan, silently eating him away from within.
He glanced up at Jiang Cheng.
Jiang Cheng simply nodded.
His fingers trembled as he twisted the hat. He parted his lips, ready to hear a sob erupt from his own mouth, but instead he let out a primal scream that filled the room. He pulled at the hat, as if he had any strength to his name with which he could tear it apart – when it did not rip, he threw it into the flames, disturbing the coals and ashes.
But the rage within him wasn't done yet.
He grabbed at his belt, where he had hung his favourite brush and a handsome pendant – both gifts from Jin Guangyao. He ripped them from his belt and threw them into the fire as well. He began pulling rings from his fingers and bracelets from his wrists, each and every single one of them a gift from the man he'd called brother, who he'd loved like a brother, who had loved him back in turn. And then he tossed the belt in there for good measure; he couldn't remember if it had been a gift, but it still felt good to watch it catch on fire.
Jiang Cheng handed him a bottle. It was different from the one he'd brought to the room, but Nie Huaisang didn't hesitate in uncorking it and bringing the mouth to his lips. He took a long drink and used the back of his hand to wipe away the droplets still on his lips.
"It gets better," Jiang Cheng muttered before taking another drink from his bottle. "You'll see their eyes at night for a while, sometimes you'll even hear their voice, taunting you, pleading with you, accusing you... It goes from every night to every other night, and then every other week, until you wake up and can't even remember when the last time was you thought of them." He sighed. "And then you'll feel guilty for forgetting them, because you're probably one of the only people left alive who ever cared for them or spares them a kind thought, and if you don't remember them, then who the fuck will?"
"He doesn't need me to remember," Nie Huaisang sniffed. "He has Da-ge now. He has my Da-ge! Why does he get to have my brother back but I don't?"
"Because nothing in life is fair," Jiang Cheng snorted. "But we live on anyway. Best way to get revenge."
Nie Huaisang lifted his bottle and allowed the rest of the wine to flow past his lips, uncaring how much splashed onto his cheeks and chin. When it was empty, he tossed it into the fire as well, relishing the sound of broken glass.
"Do you have more?"
"That was the last of it."
Except Nie Huaisang spotted Jiang Cheng lifting the other bottle to his lips. He reached out to grab the bottle from him, but Jiang Cheng didn't let go, instead held the bottle up high, and the only way for Nie Huaisang to touch it was to stand on the tips of his toes. He was practically chest-to-chest with Jiang Cheng as he tried to grab the bottle again; Jiang Cheng chuckled, and Nie Huaisang could smell the wine on his breath.
He wanted another drink badly, anything to chase away thoughts of Jin Guangyao and ten years of silent rage.
Jiang Cheng held the bottle just a little higher where Nie Huaisang couldn't even lay a finger on it.
The bottle out of reach, he instinctively chased the scent of wine and licked at Jiang Cheng's lips.
Jiang Cheng froze.
Nie Huaisang abandoned his quest for the bottle and bit at Jiang Cheng's full bottom lip, the flavour more than able to make up for the lack of wine. He slid a hand around the other man's neck and pulled him down until their mouths could fit together, and when he closed his eyes, all Nie Huaisang could think about was the heat between his legs, hotter than the warmth from the flames at his back.
Arms came around his waist, and Nie Huaisang was so lost in the taste of Jiang Cheng that he barely noticed the sound of glass hitting the ground. This was so much better than wine, than screaming out his grief into the flames.
Fingers tore at cloth as two bodies fell to the ground. Firelight and shadows licked at bared flesh, and eventually the silence was pierced by yet another soul-gripping scream.
They lay exhausted before the hearth, and Nie Huaisang's eyes closed to let sleep claim him. For the first time in weeks, he could no longer see Jin Guangyao's eyes staring back at him from the darkness behind his eyelids.
For that alone, he was thankful.
~ ~ ~
Jiang Cheng was a fool, that he already knew. But if he had learned anything from the tragedies of his youth and the events of the last year, then it was that there was still some room in his life for foolishness.
He stood in a small courtyard in the Unclean Realm, a gift in his robes warmly reminding him of its presence, much like another gift had done so many years ago. He had been a coward then, keeping the comb hidden away and only gifting it when Wen Qing was in no position to reciprocate.
He'd been a fool then, harbouring a secret love for his enemy. Had events unfolded differently, perhaps... but they hadn't, and nothing could change the past. All he could do was learn from it.
"Jiang-zongzhu? I wasn't expecting you so soon after our last visit." Nie Huaisang entered the courtyard with a pair of advisors at his side, but the moment they all exchanged formal bows, he waved his advisors away. The moment they were alone, Nie Huaisang's shoulders relaxed and his lips tilted up in a smirk. "Our last interlude was but a week ago, A-Cheng. You can't have missed me this much already?"
Jiang Cheng grimaced and huffed, despite the fact that the words were true. "Who could miss you? I've finally had peace without you breathing in my ear or waking me with your snoring."
Nie Huaisang pouted, and Jiang Cheng was lost. How had such a small thing become so endearing in the months since that night by the fire in Lotus Pier? And yet the few times they'd managed to make time for each other had become one of the things he looked forward to most. "Did you come all the way out here to make fun of me, A-Cheng?"
He rolled his eyes. There was no way he was going to admit that he'd come because he was afraid if he didn't, that he'd never have the courage again to give the gift in his pocket. Instead of replying, he reached into his robes and pulled out the small package wrapped in dark green brocade. He held it out to Nie Huaisang.
"What's this?"
"Just take the damned thing. It's for you."
Something changed in Nie Huaisang's face, making it look more serious than usual. Jiang Cheng didn't know if that was a good thing or a bad thing. He watched as the other man opened the brocade and withdrew his gift, a jade pendant upon which had been carved a phoenix, and hanging from it was a tassel made up of green and purple threads.
Nie Huaisang blinked; his throat bobbed. "It's... it's beautiful."
Jiang Cheng shrugged. "Well, it's yours now."
"What's the occasion?"
"Does it need one?"
His answer was an elegantly lifted eyebrow.
He said nothing in return.
For several moments, their eyes locked in the silent courtyard, until finally, Nie Huaisang reached down to affix the pendant to his belt.
Jiang Cheng's shoulders dropped.
"Thank you," Nie Huaisang said as he sashayed over and wrapped his arms around Jiang Cheng's waist. "For the gift. I love it."
Rather than use useless words, Jiang Cheng pulled Nie Huaisang close and brought their lips together, breathing him in as his taste tickled along his tongue. I don't know how it happened or why, but fuck it, I love you, he thought, pulling Nie Huaisang closer.
When their kiss ended, Nie Huaisang lay his head against Jiang Cheng's chest and sighed. "Do you know what my greatest regret was," he whispered, only barely audible over the sound of their combined breathing, "with my brother? That I never got to tell him how much I loved him before he died."
And then Nie Huaisang lifted his head against to brush a brief kiss against Jiang Cheng's chin.
"I love you too, A-Cheng."
Jiang Cheng hid his face in his lover's hair, and if the strands happened to catch the teardrop that tried to escape his eye, then that was nobody's business but his.
The End