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Severus awoke from his coma six months after Voldemort was defeated. He recovered remarkably, the healers all said. Physically, he was almost back to normal except for the scarring on his neck, jagged and irregular but not huge. Mentally though…he wasn't sure.
He went back to what he knew, teaching potions. His fixation on the Dark Arts had been sullied by all that happened, and the post of teaching defense against it was no longer his envy. Thus, his world became even smaller, even less varied. The monotony that once kept him sane began to tick inside him like a clock.
Worse was the way people treated him now. Students who would have once stiffened with fear when he snapped at them, now merely nodded and looked up at him with something like pity. His fellow staff were always checking in on him and trying to include him in things. People smiled at him, but they weren't real smiles. They were too gentle, too deliberate. They made him feel pathetic.
It was as if everything changed, but nothing was any different. He was still the potions master, he was still miserable, and he was still completely alone. Until he met you.
Professor Trelawney’s age caught up to her after the war and she retired. You appeared to take her place, a bright young witch with a knack for divination…and a very thick skin. You were used to the joking, the judgement that came with your specialty. You never did understand why people could cast spells and see dragons and not believe in telling the future or finding insight on things through magical means.
Severus didn't think much of you when you arrived. You were young, only a couple of years older than he was when he first started teaching and he had started right out of graduation. You wore oversized clothing, long skirts and cozy cardigans. It was like you wanted to hide yourself within your fabric. When you were introduced to him, you smiled. His bias made him think that your smile was the same pitying one he had become accustomed to. He was guarded, prickly.
The second time you smiled at him, he saw that he might have been wrong. “Good morning, Severus.” You said when he entered the staff room one day. You were making tea, and you didn't even look behind you to see who had entered.
“How did you know it was me?” Severus asked, unable to quell his curiosity. You turned and looked at him, smiling. Your smile wasn't just a soft upturn of the corners of your mouth, it reached your eyes. It was friendly, not sorry. Severus took this in, and allowed himself to be a bit more casual. “Don't tell me…you had a vision?” He joked dryly.
You huffed in amusement, used to this type of tease. “No, no. Your footsteps, they're very heavy. The heaviest on staff…save for Hagrid, naturally.”
“I see.” Severus stepped further into the room. He stood next to you, keeping distance between you. He was waiting for you to finish making your tea, you supposed.
“Do you want some tea?” You asked.
“Why, so you can read the leaves afterwards and tell me the clumps say romance is in my future?” Snape scoffed.
“Can't read it if it's in a tea bag.” You replied, dropping a tea bag into a cup of hot water. “What do you take in yours?”
“Just one teaspoon of sugar.” Severus said. He watched as you bobbed the tea bag, then added the sugar and stirred. You slid the cup over to him. He had thought that you were preparing your own first, but when he showed up you transitioned into making it his so smoothly. Like showing care to a man you just met, who was cold towards you, was so natural.
Severus didn't thank you audibly, but he did nod with gratitude. He stayed standing nearby while you took a new mug from the cupboard and filled it with hot water from the copper kettle you had been using. You spoke casually as you prepared your cup. “You know, reading tea leaves- tasseography- originated in ancient China. Ancient muggle China. It's been around almost since tea first became a popular beverage .”
“Muggles invented it? All the more reason why the magical theory behind it is flimsy at best.” Severus said, sipping his tea. The unmasked skepticism in his tone didn't bother you.
“On the contrary. I like to think that the magical properties of plants used in tea are so strong, so raw and potent, that even muggles can detect it. They may not be aware of what it is they are detecting, but they still feel it. They can feel that the plants and their essences are important, and to them, that could suggest that they can learn something from them.” You explained your thought process behind the origin of tasseography.
Severus saw the logic in your ideas, but wasn't quite convinced. He hummed, and took another sip of his tea while you bobbed the bag in your cup. He spoke again after gathering his thoughts. “I don't see how a muggle could detect magic, they aren't sensitive to the presence of it like we are.”
You turned and leaned against the counter, having fixed your cup. You blew on it softly, then took a sip. “Well, tea is medicinal. Different flora have different properties, both magical and not. Lavender relaxes you, ginger aids the stomach. These qualities are scientifically validated but in ancient times, they wouldn't have understood it yet. Back then the magical world was also not so locked away, they would have had glimpses of it. Therefore, they'd draw a connection between the benefits of their tea and whatever stories they had about things they couldn't explain.”
Severus said no more. He just watched you drink your tea and look at him over the rim of your cup. You were very smart, and you had explained things calmly to him even though his tone had been judgemental. He'd disparaged your specialty and you had engaged with him the same way you would have if he had asked a question in good faith.
You both drank your tea in silence, and when you were finished, he took your cup and began to wash it along with his. “Thank you, Severus.” You said. He didn't look up or respond and you left.
Severus was no longer prickly around you after that. You were clever, kind, and you didn't look at him like he was some sad little lost dog. He was grateful to have someone around who treated him normally, and he started to engage in conversation with you from time to time.
You liked him. He was quiet, stoic, brilliant, and the very definition of ‘tall, dark, and handsome’. Your budding crush was kept secret, and you never thought too deeply about it for fear of feeding something hopeless.
Being the Divination professor meant that you had the most comfortable classroom in the school. You had cushions and curtains and blankets, along with atmospheric candles and decor that made it a very relaxing room. It wasn't strange for your fellow staff, usually the younger ones, to come by during their free time to have some reprieve from the echoey hallways or their offices.
Severus didn't make use of your classroom until you'd been there for a few months. You were lounging on some cushions, reading, when his dark silhouette pushed the heavy, dark red curtains by the entrance aside and stepped in.
“Oh, hello Severus. What brings you here?” You said, closing your book and pushing yourself off of your cushions to sit up.
“Hiding from Minerva. She's trying to plan an outing with Flitwick and Sprout and is insistent upon including me.” Severus sunk into a cushion on the stair-like seats your students usually occupied. He didn't allow himself to relax, though. He sat up straight, his feet planted on the floor in front of him.
“Ah.” You nodded in understanding and started to stand. “I can make some tea.”
Severus shook his head, indicating that he didn't want any. You sat back down. “...What were you reading?” Severus asked, crossing his arms. You lifted your book and showed him the cover. It was a book on palm reading. “Hm.”
“When I was a student, Sybil said my heart line was deep and curved, suggesting that I'm a passionate romantic.” You said, grinning.
Severus raised a brow. “Awfully general. That could apply to anyone.”
“Yeah, true. No harm in letting me take a look at yours then, right?” You teased. You weren't serious about the offer, knowing he'd reject it.
Severus gave you a barely perceptible smirk. “I think not.”
“Didn't think so.” You sighed. Severus tilted his head in thought, then avoided your gaze and cleared his throat before he spoke again. His low, resonant voice cut through the silence of the room but did not disrupt its peace.
“I'll humour you this once.”
After shaking off your initial surprise, you crossed the floor and sat on the cushion next to him. You held out your hand, palm side up. “Alright then. Your right hand, please.”
Severus laid his hand over yours. It was large, masculine yet graceful. The back of his hand was warmer than you expected. You lifted it, and your other hand began to trace the lines of his palm. Severus felt your finger softly trace the creases, your eyes following your digit's path. Your touch was gentle, almost like the bristles of a horse hair paintbrush.
“Your life line is solid, strong, with a break before it continues. You have a clear path, with one serious interruption.” You began.
“Does a coma count?” Severus asked sarcastically.
“Well, yeah.” You chuckled. You could have sworn you saw him smile, just slightly. You moved to his heart line. Severus watched you start to frown. “Strange. Your heart line is fainter at the beginning and gets deeper near the end, after a few lines intersect it.”
“Strange?” Severus asked.
“Yeah. Usually, the heart line starts deeper just due to where it falls, on the outside of your hand. Yours starting faint suggests a life beginning with a notable absence of love. Then, it starts to deepen but is cut through by this little line here…” you softly poked a small line through the top one on his palm. “And then there's another one after a centimeter. Then, your heart line continues and gets deeper. A couple of significant heartbreaks, and then…your relationship with love starts to improve later on, it becomes quite profound-”
Severus pulled his hand from yours harshly. You flinched. Severus got up and began to leave. “I'll not entertain any more of your nonsense.” He snapped at you as he left.
You wanted to ask him to wait, to try and figure out what you had done wrong. You just watched, staring dumbly as he disappeared behind the curtain. What…did I say? It wasn't your fault, you knew that. Whatever you had said that triggered that response from him was not something you could have predicted…ironic as that was. However, you still felt bad.
In his office, Severus held his face in his hands with his elbows on his desk and sighed deeply. Your reading reminded him of his past…a history of neglect and abuse from his parents, the loss of his friendship with Lily, then her death. However, he had relived those traumas over and over already. It was almost routine at this point.
“...And then…your relationship with love starts to improve later on, it becomes quite profound-” Severus replayed your words in his mind, the ones that made him leave with such haste. False hope. That's what it was.
Severus gritted his teeth and clenched his fists by his face. He opened his desk drawer, and drew out a glass and a bottle of firewhiskey. He didn't want to believe he could have love in his future. It isn't possible. It can't be. I don't deserve it, and I shouldn't believe I could. If I believed such a thing and still remained alone, then…
Severus poured a glass and downed most of it in one drink. He downed the rest not long after, then refilled the glass. This misery will never end.
Later on in the evening, you realized you needed to get to bed. You held your book in hand and began to exit your classroom when you nearly ran into Severus. “Whoa-!” You stepped back as he entered, his steps a little bit lazy. He walked past you and stood aimlessly in the middle of the room. “Severus?” You approached him from behind slowly.
“...You think…it's fun to dangle the carrot in front of people…?” Severus said, his speech slurred.
“What are you talking about about Severus?” You asked. You walked around to the front of him, and saw that his eyes were a little red and moist. He'd been crying. “Severus, are you alright?”
“I'll be hopeful for a while…you feel like a saviour…” Severus stared down at you, but it wasn't as focused as usual. He reached out a hand and pointed at you, sort of. He was pointing at your ear. “You. Are. A. Vulture…a very beautiful…vulture…”
“Severus, are you…drunk?” You put a hand on his shoulder.
“I’m going to die alone…I have to accept it. Don't…tell me such attractive lies.” Severus walked forward and ran into your shoulder as he passed you. However, he grabbed your arm on the way and started to tug you along.
“Severus, what are you doing?” You tried to tug your arm away. Severus turned back and grabbed your upper arms, a sort of desperation in his grip that was almost bruising. You gasped softly. “Let me go.” You said firmly. He didn't. “Let go, you're scaring me!” Your voice caught briefly in your throat. Severus had a moment of lucidity and let go, he stepped back.
“Y/N. Y/N…sorry…” He looked around, frowning bitterly. Severus covered his face with his hands, then dragged them down with a sigh. “I just need to get some rest…”
You calmed down and took a deep breath. Severus swayed on his feet slightly and you knew he couldn't go back to the dungeons on his own. He'll fall down the stairs or something. You cautiously approached him, and placed your hand on his arm. He didn't argue or react much at all as you led him to the pile of pillows and cushions in the corner. You guided him to lower himself into them. He laid down.
Severus shut his eyes and was out quite quickly. You briefly debated removing his shoes, but decided he would wake up very embarrassed if you fussed over him too much. He was a grown man, and you weren't responsible for him anyway. Your only obligation was to make sure he didn't hurt himself while drunk. Or hurt you, but you didn't think he actually would despite him frightening you earlier.
Once Severus was asleep, you decided to remain just in case. You laid on another pile of cushions, and tried to sleep. Good thing tomorrow is Saturday. Soon, you drifted off as well.
When you awoke the next morning, Severus was gone from the room. You were warm, warmer than you should have been. Something was covering you…a blanket? You sat up and grasped the edge of the fabric, then saw what it was. His cloak. A smile crept onto your face, you couldn't help it.
You got up and folded the cloak in your arms, and for some reason felt the urge to bring it up to your nose. You did so. It smelled faintly of rain and smoke. Something caught your eye on the pillows Severus had slept on, a piece of parchment. You picked it up and read it.
“I apologize for my behavior last night. Please do not trouble yourself with my words, and allow me to make up for my actions. My office, noon.”
Thus, at noon, you knocked at Severus's office door with his cloak in your arms.
Severus opened the door and looked quite stiff as he saw you. “Hello. Please, come in.” He beckoned you into his office. It was a dark place, with brewing equipment organized throughout it. His desk had papers piled high.
Severus shut the door behind you and you followed him with your eyes as he walked around you and stood by his desk. He cleared his throat before speaking. “My behavior towards you last night was disrespectful, embarrassing, and no doubt frightening.” He began.
“It was.” You agreed. You made no attempt to soften the facts. “I forgive you, though. I understand that you've been through quite a lot. You're still recovering from a coma, that and everything else you've experienced would make anyone look into a bottle.”
“I shouldn't have brought you into it.” Severus stated.
You held his cloak out to him. “I'm a diviner. I get brought into everyone's business. Here's your cloak back.”
Severus took his cloak from you, and he threw it around his shoulders with a flourish. “In any case…I was hoping you'd allow me to…make amends.” Severus fidgeted, and although his expression was as stony as ever, you thought you detected a hint of nervousness. He then went behind his desk and took a book out of one of the drawers.
As Severus brought the book over, you read the title and gasped softly. “The Oracle's Apothecary by Estrella Adhara? How did you find this, it's sold out everywhere…”
It was a divination book. It contained information about the best tea herbs for tasseography as well as recipes for specific blends, knowledge about substances that induced altered states of consciousness and how to use them safely, and much more. You had been wanting to get your hands on it for a while.
“I found it in a bookshop this morning.” Severus said.
“Thank you so much, seriously.” You smiled at him as you took the book from his hands. Your fingers brushed against his and you couldn't ignore the spark that was exchanged. You were ecstatic to have this book. You flipped it open to a page on an herbal tea to induce astral projection.
Severus felt his heart leap as you jumped a few times in excitement. Your oversized sweater bounced, revealing a bit of your stomach beneath. When you realized this, you stopped jumping and hastily tugged your sweater down, but your smile remained. Severus had noticed that hint of insecurity and a fleeting thought passed through his mind that he wished he could show you how beautiful he thought you were.
You stepped forward and almost hugged Severus, but you held yourself back. He would not like that. To your great astonishment, Severus stepped forward too. He didn't hug you, though.
Severus took your free hand in his. “I would…like very much to be considered your friend.”
Your smile grew. “I'd like that too.”
Severus let go of your hand. You said your goodbyes then, as Severus said he wanted to get back to some work. You practically skipped out of his office, heart racing.
So from then on, you and Severus were officially friends. He started to seek you out for company, and you did the same. He let his personality through in your interactions, and you found yourself laughing at his dry wit and sometimes petulant refusal to be vulnerable. Severus grew to appreciate your more relaxed demeanor, the way you seemed to adapt to any situation with ease and distributed kindness as freely as the autumn trees did their leaves.
As the weeks went on, both of you started to feel more than friendship for one another. You had already felt this way, but the more time you spent with Severus, the harder it was to stifle your feelings. For you, it was difficult. For Severus, it was torturous.
“Ugh…” You flopped into pillows after you were finished teaching one day. Severus entered a few minutes later, and saw you face down looking very limp.
“You look how I feel.” Severus said. His entrance had been silent, so when he spoke it startled you. You jumped and turned over onto your back, looking up at him.
“Jeez, Severus…” you sighed, pinching the bridge of your nose.
“...My apologies.” Severus said. He took in the view of you, relaxing in a pile of pillows. Your hair was all over the place, your sweater was disheveled, and your skirt was bunched at your knees. He was grateful it hadn't ridden up any further. You looked cozy and beautifully imperfect. Far removed from his buttoned-up, almost militaristic style of dress and demeanor.
“You had a rough day too, I take it?” You sat up and adjusted your clothing.
Severus found himself wishing you'd lay back down again, that you'd go back to looking all tousled. He fought away the idea of laying there with you, of holding you in his arms. No, I don't deserve anything that soft. “A third year managed to bump his cauldron off the table…I had to deal with the fallout over my lunch.”
“Oh, I wondered where you were.”
Severus took a seat on a cushion on the floor, and you stayed in your pile. “What sort of ordeal did you deal with today?” Severus asked you.
“A group of Slytherin boys decided that scaring their partners during the tasseography session by molding their tea clumps into the grim was very funny. Then, in my next class, I discovered that two osteomancy sets were damaged.” You shook your head.
“Osteomancy…that uses bones, correct?” Severus asked. He'd been brushing up on divination, just to be able to talk about it with you.
“It can, yes. It can also use shells or charms. The ones I was referring to were my bone sets, some of them have been snapped.”
“Do you need assistance finding more?” Severus asked.
“No, it's alright. I'll replace them eventually. For now, though, the students will have to share.” You shrugged, a little defeated.
“Perhaps I should take over for you one of these days, and reintroduce some discipline into this classroom.” Severus smirked, he was teasing.
“Fear, you mean. And no…that's no good for divination.” You slumped back into the softness beneath you. “I need a nap.”
Severus watched you nestle yourself in the softness that surrounded you. You kicked off your shoes, and Severus almost sighed at how comfortable you looked. His layers suddenly felt too tight, uncomfortable. “I can leave, then.”
You turned over and shut your eyes. After a few moments, your stomach fluttered out of control and you couldn't stop yourself from saying “You could stay.”
No reply. When you looked up, Severus was already gone.
It became a constant, though subtle, push and pull between you. You'd get so close to confessing, or making a move, and Severus would always manage to narrowly avoid it. He dodged you, while suppressing himself. In his mind, you were an untouchable symbol of everything he didn't deserve. Beauty, comfort, happiness. Love.
Even someone as in control and closed off as Severus couldn't bury his affections forever, especially not if they were stirred up by outside forces. Before Christmas break, a dance was being held. Severus always dreaded these events, but this year there was something to look forward to. Time with you.
Severus stood with his fellow staff, and waited. The Great Hall was decorated in Holly and baubles, and students were just beginning to enter for the festivities. You were late by just a few minutes, but to him it was an eternity. He touched a lock of his hair, it was slightly curled. I feel foolish, was this a ridiculous thing to do? He tugged at his robes. Where is she? Perhaps she decided not to attend, she'd been complaining about not knowing what to wear for days…
His train of thought came to a screeching thought when he saw you. You walked towards him, your dress shoes clicking along the floor. Severus used all his strength to appear neutral as he took in your appearance.
Your dress revealed the curves that your usual oversized clothes hid. It wasn't a tight dress, nor was it too short, but it still highlighted the lines of your body in ways Severus had not seen. It was a black dress with long lacy sleeves, you had admittedly thought of Severus when picking it. You kept adjusting your hair and sleeves, uncomfortable with wearing something so vulnerable as a formal dress.
You approached Severus, noticing his hair was curled delicately. He was wearing different robes, still black but nicer, with ornate embroidery along the sides. Severus wore no cloak, so his fitted robes allowed his subtly defined waist to be seen. He wasn't just handsome, he was pretty. Your heart leapt in your chest as you greeted him. “Hello, Severus, you look very handsome.”
Severus was in a bit of a stupor looking at you, that broke when his voice ran ahead before he could stop it. In a quiet, vulnerable tone, he breathed his words. “Please dance with me.” The way he said it was almost like he was…begging.
Your heart thudded in your chest as Severus offered his hand. You took it. “Yeah, of course I will.” You smiled and he led you into the floor.
He cared not for his fellow staff watching, or the surrounding students whispering. The music was slow and romantic as he gently held your waist with one hand and took one of your hands in the other. Your free hand found his shoulder. There were no flashy steps, no playful turns, you just swayed with him.
As much as you wanted to focus all your attention on Severus, your clothing still bothered you. Severus saw you look around, to see who was looking back. He saw you look down at where his hand was on your waist. You were insecure, he could see that. “What's wrong? Feeling self conscious?”
“They can see me.” You said.
Severus looked at your connected hands. He could feel how your palms pressed together. The top line of yours, the heart line as he recalled, met his perfectly in one place. Both of your heart lines ended in the same spot on your hands, at the same depth. “Yes, and I can see you too. And you can see me.”
You understood what he meant in an instant. You could see him. I was right about him, during the palm reading. Severus looked to the side, towards the door. You didn't have to be a legilimens to know what he was thinking. “Yes.” You answered his question before he could ask it.
Hand in hand, you and Severus exited the Great Hall. The sounds of music and chatting teenagers faded as you went down the hallway and turned a corner. Severus looked down at you when you both stopped, his eyes soulful and full of things yet to be said. “I am not good enough for you.” Severus muttered, almost like he was arguing with his own longing.
“I say you are.” You reached up and cupped his cheek. He couldn't keep his emotions in their box any longer, they had been slowly leaking from him for weeks and now, they exploded.
Severus took you into his arms. Your face grew very warm as he cradled the back of your head and wrapped his other arm around your waist. He buried his nose in your hair and inhaled the scent of you. You smelled like herbal tea and incense. He smelled like cologne- he had put some on this evening.
As his hand travelled up and down your back, and he kissed your cheek, he felt you stiffen ever so slightly. You knew he could feel you, the body you were so used to keeping hidden away under oversized garments. Severus understood that you were insecure and loosened his embrace a little bit. What he didn't understand was why you would feel this way. “Why do you hide yourself?”
“I could ask you the same thing, Severus. We both know what it's like to keep things locked away.” You replied.
“That may be, but…you have no reason to. You're beautiful.” Severus pressed his forehead against yours.
“Thank you…” You smiled a little shyly. Severus loved the way your face brightened whenever you smiled, the way your eyes sparkled. You then tilted your head, curious. “How could you tell I felt self conscious? You're not reading my mind, are you?”
Severus shook his head. “I may not be able to read palms, but I can read you.” He tilted your chin up gently with his thumb and index finger. “Your face and body language shows everything that you feel, all of the time. You're an open book.”
“Unlike you.” You said. Severus raised a brow, but it was an agreeing one. “I can never tell what you're thinking. Not even right now.”
Severus kept his fingers under your chin, keeping your head tilted up at just the right angle as he leaned down. His voice was velvety soft and low. “Then perhaps we can divine my thoughts together.”
Your eyes fluttered shut as his lips met yours, slow and unhurried. He let himself go, his lips molding against yours. For once, he was not in charge. You were. You moved your lips against his with soft, deliberate exploration. Through your kiss, you tried to tell him that he was deserving of your love, and of love in general.
In that moment, it was difficult for Severus not to believe you. You had told him, when you traced the lines of his hands, that after his heartaches his relationship with love was to improve. He didn't believe it then. Yet here you were, kissing him like you wanted to make that little prophecy come true. Severus knew you had.