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It was surprisingly Wrex who sends him the message.
Shepard hadn’t been sleeping despite it being late into Normandy’s night cycle. How could he? After.. He had been sitting at his desk, looking over information on the geth, on Saren, on the genophage. Writing his own report about Virmire, about.. Ash. Shit. He was in the middle of contemplating banging his head onto his desk when his omni tool blinked, a stiff message from the krogan. Wrex either probably knew he wasn’t in bed yet, or just didn’t care. He was willing to bet on the latter.
Rubbing his face and a hand over his shaved head (making sure to thumb his scar; it was a habit he couldn’t break out of), Shepard sighed tiredly and walked out of his cabin. Taking a few steps into the mess hall, the sight which greeted him made him stop in his tracks.
It was empty except for two beings. Kaidan was slouched low in one of the corner seats, half his body off the surface, leaning heavily to one side. He would have fallen off his seat if not for the krogan standing like a statue beside him, supporting the staff lieutenant’s weight. One of Kaidan’s hands was gripping Wrex’s arm tightly, which Shepard noted with amusement wouldn’t have prevented Wrex from leaving if he really wanted to. The empty bottle lying innocently on the table told Shepard everything he needed to know about the situation.
‘’Inviting me to crash your little tea party, Wrex?’’
‘’Potential murder scene, actually.’’
‘’Well.. looks like you’re dealing with this just fine.’’
‘’.. Get him off me, Shepard.’’
Wrex rumbled, glancing down at the human beside him in annoyance, and yet, still not moving away. Shepard raised an eyebrow, finally walking closer, snapping his fingers in front of Kaidan.
‘’Kaidan. Had enough of a good time?’’
It took a while for the words to filter through his intoxicated brain, but Kaidan seemed relatively alert enough. Or, as well as he could be in his state. He shifted in his seat, still clutching Wrex’s hand, raising glassy eyes to stare at his commander.
‘’Heeeyy, Shepard. Wrex and I were jus’ talkin’.’’
‘’No, we weren’t.’’
Kaidan didn’t register the krogan’s reply, instead, merely glancing at the empty bottle on the table.
‘’Are yooouu joinin’ us, Shepard? I could get you another bottle and we could... ‘’
He tried to stand up but his legs didn’t seem to want to corporate with him. A few seconds of struggling with no one to help him, he gave up, his body leaning further sideways onto Wrex, closing his eyes contentedly against the thick arm he held determinedly beside his face. The krogan growled and Shepard tried not to smile at the scene. Real cute, LT, Ash would have said.
‘’No, Kaidan. I’m not joining you. You need to get some sleep now, come on.’’
‘’Ash doesn’ lemme.’’
A soft mumble, but he caught it nonetheless. Trying not to grimace too much, Shepard inhaled slowly. Of course. It had only been a couple of days, the pain was still fresh in their minds. The ship still feeling a little quieter, a little less charm and sass on board than before. Shepard was having nightmares about Virmire as well, but this time, Kaidan had lost someone under his command. It had been the commander’s decision in the end, but no doubt, Kaidan would have been crippled by the consequences. He knew a thing or two about survivor’s guilt. The feeling of someone else dying for you just so you could soldier on another day, to fight another threat. Probably decided alcohol would help ease him in the nights. He took note of his fellow human’s face now – eyebags darker and more obvious, stubble on his cheeks more pronounced than usual. Yeah.. not so much. Poor bastard.
‘’That’s all he keeps talking about.’’
Shepard looked to Wrex, whose face remained masked as gleaming red eyes glanced again at the human who had plastered himself to his side.
‘’So you decided to keep him company?’’
‘’Came for a drink. He was already out of it. Didn’t want him killing himself breaking into my special stash for the tough folk.’’
‘’Careful Wrex, almost sounds like you care.’’
‘’Nah, wanted to kill him myself if he did break into my special stash.’’
Shepard snorted. His relationship with Wrex had grown.. decent. He liked to think after helping him find his family armour, and talking to him on Virmire, the krogan and him had gotten almost.. comfortable. Yeah, that was it. Despite all of Wrex’s talk about murder, Shepard knew in his heart, it was an odd thing for him to remain here with Kaidan, listening to his rambling and making sure he didn’t do anything stupid, instead of simply walking away. Wrex didn’t have to like it, but he did it anyway. Virmire changed the dynamics of the crew. That, Shepard was sure of.
A silent moment hung, just the light sounds of breathing punctuating the air before Wrex at last, moved.
‘’Now that you’re here, you can have him.’’
The krogan hauled Kaidan by his shoulders up his feet with minimal strength, holding him in the air for a second before placing his feet (gently, Shepard realised) unto the ground. Kaidan for his part, actually giggled, both hands now clutching Wrex to keep his balance as he swayed lightly on the spot, like a blade of grass in the wind. Wrex huffed harshly with irritation again, teeth baring ever so slightly.
‘’Sweet dreams, human.’’
‘’.. You toooo, Wrex.’’
Wrex peered down at Kaidan, apparently trying to decide whether the human was being condescending or not. But Kaidan’s eyes were wide, face serious, staring up at the alien and wearing his heart on his sleeve, honesty screaming from his body (Yeah, Kaidan was good like that). No, he had meant it. He really, really did. The deep scars on Wrex’s face twisted, and he sniffed the air in front of Kaidan’s face, grumbling about ‘’squishy humans’’, before stepping away, one strong hand shoving the biotic back mildly.
''Catch.''
Kaidan’s face morphed into an ‘’O’’ of surprise, trying to belatedly grab at something that had already turned and made its way towards the elevator, falling backwards right into Shepard’s chest, who had moved to catch the lieutenant. Asshole. Grunting with the effort of supporting his weight (Kaidan was heavy, dammit, the lean body was misleading), Shepard shifted so one of his arms were around Kaidan’s shoulders, while the other lay against his stomach. The biotic exhaled and snuggled into his commander, head bumping his collar bone and feeling unnaturally warm against his body.
This was new. Shepard never before had this level of contact with his subordinate. Kaidan had always more or less kept to himself; calm, controlled, giving his professional opinions on their missions. They were friends, sure, but still, a distance was held between them, which was now being broken. Maybe the alcohol made him bolder, loosened him up, something Shepard (and others) kept teasing him about.
He seemed like he was happy having Shepard do the navigating for him (almost like he refused to coordinate his movements on purpose), eyes closed, smile gracing his lips. It took longer than necessary to get to the sleeper pods with Kaidan hanging off him, his legs wobbly and stumbling, with only Shepard preventing him from face planting and breaking his nose. Peaceful, that was how the lieutenant looked like when he eyed him sideways.
‘’Okay Kaidan, time to get some shut eye.’’
They were standing beside the pod. Kaidan blinked at Shepard, who was now in front of him, still holding his shoulders with big hands to ensure he didn’t fall. The commander took in his appearance again – face a tad red from the alcohol, the flush spreading down his neck. His usually neat and meticulously styled hair was.. well, less neat. A curly lock was dangling on his forehead, almost touching his heavy set of brows, and he knew that was about as loosened up as he was going to see Kaidan in some time.
It took a moment, but Shepard realised he was staring, and Kaidan was staring right back. He wondered when the lieutenant’s hands twisted themselves into his shirt at his waist. Kaidan’s large, brown eyes (God, put them away, LT, Ash would have laughed at Kaidan’s dewy look) were shining and dilated, boring into Shepard’s own crystal blue ones, face pulled into a frown like he was fighting an internal battle with himself.
‘’John.’’
The single word was uttered, no, sighed, with as much heart and raw emotion as Shepard had ever heard from him, voice husky and deep and.. No. Shepard knew where this was going even before Kaidan himself. They were standing even closer now, and Shepard swore he hadn’t moved (or had he?). Kaidan’s eyes slowly slid down to Shepard’s lips, his own parting and taking a deep breath. Wait, what? Is this actually happening? This was a definite surprise, Shepard had had no idea. Dark eyelashes merged shut as Kaidan closed his own eyes, slowly bending towards his commander and yes, yes this was very much happening. Alcohol really did make him bolder. Not just grabbing onto krogans, treating them like a fluff toy and subtly worming himself into their hard hearts, but he was going to kiss him. Kaidan Alenko was seriously going to kiss Shepard.
Shepard didn’t know what to do, he had dealt with this kind of awkwardness enough for one trip, from Liara, from Ash.. from.. fuck. His lips were so near now, so near. All he had to do was tilt his own head and they would be kissing. Just a mere second longer and Shepard could find out how Kaidan's lips tasted, he could.. No. He couldn’t. Not now. Not like this, with one of them drunk off his ass. Not so soon after..
‘’Lieutenant.’’
He had tried keeping his voice between that of a commanding officer and friend, while a firm shake of Kaidan’s shoulders from Shepard’s hands made him snap his eyes open. They were swimming in hurt and it flashed briefly across the biotic’s face before he untangled his fingers from Shepard’s shirt to place his hands rigidly by his side, irises darting at anywhere but him. Great. He hoped his own eyes didn’t look too cold.
‘’Try to get some sleep, lieutenant.’’
It felt like something thick was swallowing them, and after a moment,
‘’Yeah.. I erm.. yeah. Thanks.. ‘’
Shepard turned to walk towards his own cabin, resolutely not looking back. Instead, he chose to ignore the fist clenching around his throat and heart, leaving Kaidan to fumble on his own.
End.