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Emily closed her eyes as she stood on Dave’s front step, her finger poised over the doorbell, listening to the sounds of laughter and soft chatter drifting through the evening air from his back yard.
It was crazy. She’d been here so many times; partied with the guys more times than she could count. She knew them intimately, they were closer than any blood family she had… and they pretty much knew everything about her now – good and bad – and they still seemed to want her around. So why was she so shit scared of ringing that bell and joining them for the party?
Maybe it was because the party was for her. No one said that aloud, of course. No, it was a ‘get together’. A ‘celebration’ just for the sake of celebrating. That’s what everyone said… but Emily knew that the unspoken truth was that it was a welcome back for her. Welcome back to the team. Welcome back from Paris. Welcome back from the dead.
And it scared her. It scared her to be the centre of attention after so many months of hiding away, or looking over her shoulder, of just knowing that Ian’s eyes were on her. It scared her because even though Ian was dead, she would never be able to shake the feeling that he was still there, watching and waiting. It scared her because everyone knew about her past. It scared her because everyone was going to be there – not just the team, but partners. Families. Everyone. And while the team accepted her death and resurrection, she was scared about facing Will and Jack and Henry and Derek’s partner…
God, she closed her eyes and tried to centre herself.
She could hear the squeals of the children echoing as they played – Dave’s dog Mudgie barking happily as she imagined the mutt chasing them and drooling all over them, licking their faces like he’d done so often with her. She could see the embers glowing, fluttering up into the darkening sky, from Dave’s famed wood burner. She could smell the barbeque, and it made her mouth water and her stomach clench hungrily. Yet still she stood, motionless and afraid like she was nine years old and walking in late to school.
She wanted to run. Again. She wanted to turn tail and disappear. She was seriously weighing that up and had almost taken a step back towards the road when the door opened before her and JJ leapt in fright at seeing Prentiss stood there on the other side of the door.
“Jesus Em!” JJ laughed, patting her heart. “You nearly gave me a coronary! Why are you on the step?!”
Emily gaped for a second, pulling her thoughts in order. “I just got here.” She lied. “You beat me to the bell!”
“I’m so glad you came!” JJ beamed. “I nearly thought you might chicken out.” She added with a knowing smirk.
“Who? Me?” Emily shrugged.
“Come through! I just need to grab a few things from the car.” JJ explained.
“Want some help? I have a spare pair of hands.” Emily offered, before remembering the gift bag with three clinking bottles she was holding. “Uh, well, I have one spare hand.” She amended with a grin - and the smile JJ gave her in return melted away the bulk of nerves that swirled inside her.
“Great. Henry is desperate to show Jack his new game. We couldn’t get him in the car without agreeing to bring it, but thought we might get away with leaving it in the car. There’s some kiddie-friendly food in the cool bag, if you could grab that for me? Dave’s steaks are top notch, but Henry has a thing for nuggets. Very specifically shaped nuggets.” She added with an eyeroll.
Emily laughed softly as she listened to JJ’s tales of family and children. With the bag safely in her grip, she coughed awkwardly. “Jayje?”
“Hmm?” JJ turned, half in-half out of the car, her smile soft for her friend. She instantly saw the worry etched into Emily’s face. “What is it?”
“I, uh…” Emily sighed, blowing out a breath as she searched for the words. “The kids – Jack and Henry – do they, uh…”
“Em?” JJ’s brow knitted together, her hand on Emily’s.
“When I…died…or rather… when I left… did they…” She sighed. “Ah Jeez - what did you tell them? I mean… will they freak out when I walk in? Like a ghost or a fucking zombie…?” She shrugged. “I don’t wanna scare them, Jen.”
JJ gave her a grin. “They won’t think you’re a zombie, Emily.”
Emily chewed at her lip nervously. “Really?”
“Henry’s too young to know what a zombie is.” JJ teased. She paused, seeing her joke fell a little flat. “Come out back with me, huh? See for yourself.”
Emily exhaled again and nodded resignedly, before following JJ like a stray cat into Dave’s house. She inhaled the familiar scent – Dave’s lingering cologne; the smell of books; the food cooking outside.
“AH!” Dave exclaimed as the women stepped through the sliding door to join the gathering outside. “I see you’ve got the evil junk food!”
Henry cackled and tugged on Dave’s trousers. “It’s not evil Uncle David, it’s yummy! Yummy nuggies in my tummy!”
Dave sighed dramatically, and teased “You need to teach your boy about real food, Agent Jareau!” He spotted Emily and pulled her into his arms before she could say ‘hi’. “Bella!” he cooed, planting a hefty kiss on each of her cheeks, his hands cupping her face as he pulled back to look at her. “I was starting to think you weren’t coming.”
JJ gave Emily a smug ‘I told you so’ grin.
“Me? Miss out on a party?” Emily laughed. “Never! And I brought whisky.”
“Whisky?” Derek sighed in disappointment, as he ambled through the sliding doors, before throwing an arm around her shoulders. “Prentiss, Prentiss, Prentiss.” He shook his head like she was a lost cause.
“Keep that up and you won’t get the six pack that’s also in my bag.” She replied, raising a killer brow.
Derek placed a hand over his heart. “Beer! You’re a Goddess, Prentiss.”
“That’s better – and don’t you forget it, Derek Morgan!” She chuckled, passing him the weighty bag of alcohol while JJ put Henry’s nuggets in the microwave. She followed Derek out into the yard, the fire crackling in the centre of the assembled chairs and benches – Henry and Jack were cooking marshmallows under the watchful eye – and explicit instructions – of Reid. She looked around and walked to where Hotch was sitting, watching his son.
“Emily.” He greeted warmly as she sat next to him. “I thought –“
“I wasn’t coming?” she interrupted.
Hotch grinned. “I gather I’m not the first to say it?”
“You gather correctly.” She smiled.
“Well, I’m sorry for doubting you.”
“Want to know a secret? I nearly didn’t come.”
Hotch’s eyes asked why, without him having to voice it.
“It’s silly.” She said, staring at the flames. “I just… it seemed like a big thing, you know? And after Paris, it’s just a bit overwhelming.”
“I understand.” he said softly.
Emily smiled, as they relaxed into an easy and peaceful silence.
“Daddy – do you want a marshmallow?” Jack called, proudly holding a perfectly toasted marshmallow on a stick for his dad to see.
“You bet.” He nodded.
Jack beamed and ran over to him.
“Looks like I got here at the right time!” Will said, placing a ‘hello’ kiss to Emily’s cheek as he sat on the grass at her feet.
“Oh, hey, did I steal your seat, Will?”
“Nah, don’t sweat it.” He grinned.
“Daddy!”
Will looked up at the sound of Henry’s excited squealing. “Hey son.”
“Uncle Spencer helped me do a marshmallow!”
“That’s great buddy!” Will cooed.
“Has mommy got my nuggies?”
“She’s cookin’ them now, bud.”
“She’s been aaaages.” He pouted.
Emily laughed at that – and her laughter caught Henry’s eye, and he stood stock still and stared at her.
Emily felt his eyes on her. She smiled nervously at the boy and waved. “Hey Henry!”
Henry stared at her, before running back to the house, calling “Mommy!”
JJ ran out, fear on her face, terrified that maybe Henry had burned himself on the fire or something equally as terrible.
Henry buried himself against her, tucking his face against her legs, and crying.
JJ frowned as Will jogged over.
“What the Hell’s going on?” JJ whispered.
“He just got spooked.” Will said softly.
“Spooked?” JJ ran a hand through her hair in frustration.
“I think it’s my fault.” Emily said sheepishly, approaching, but keeping a distance.
“Hey buddy.” JJ cooed, lifting Henry into her arms, where he burrowed deeper against her.
“Sorry.” Emily said softly. “I didn’t mean to upset him.”
Will gave her a smile, seeing the sadness etched on her face. He squeezed her hand. “Don’t worry about it, Em.” He turned to his boy and prised Henry’s head from JJ’s sweater. “Is that it, pal? Did you get a fright?”
Henry looked up at him tearfully, and them at Emily, before nodding.
“Why are you scared?” JJ asked. “You knew Auntie Emily moved away.”
Henry looked up at her. “I heard uncle Spencer and you talking ‘bout how she was dead." he whispered. “An’ that means forever like when my mousey died and wasn’t ever coming back.”
Will closed his eyes and exhaled carefully “Hey buddy.” he cooed, wiping Henry’s tears. “Auntie Em isn’t dead. She’s right there, see?”
“But uncle Spencer –“
“He was wrong, Henry. Your Auntie Em was just away on vacation.” JJ said with certainty in her tone.
Henry buried himself against her again, refusing to believe it.
Will looked apologetically up at Emily. “We’ll talk to him, Em. Don’t worry.”
“It’s okay.” Emily replied softly. “I’ll stay away until he understands.”
Will glanced down as he felt a tugging on his sleeve. “Hey Jack, what’s up?”
Hotch stood behind his son, and rested a reassuring hand on Emily’s arm. “He wants to talk to Henry.” Hotch said.
Henry’s red rimmed eyes looked at Jack as JJ set her boy back on the ground.
Jack smiled at his younger friend. “Daddy told me that Auntie Emily had a scary man chasing her.”
“The boogieman?” Henry asked.
Jack smiled and nodded. “A boogieman chased me once before and I had to hide until daddy came to get me when it was safe. That’s what Auntie Emily was doing. She had to hide from the boogieman until daddy said it was safe.”
“Like hide an’ go seek?” Henry asked curiously, his eyes drifting up to Emily.
“Yeah!” Jack nodded.
“But uncle Spencer said she was dead.” Henry whispered.
“That was a trick to make the boogieman go away.” Jack explained.
Henry frowned as he thought about that, his eyes flicking to Emily. “Where’s the boogieman now?”
Jack beamed. “Daddy and your mommy and the team sent him away.”
Henry regarded Jack for a beat and then Emily again. “You’re really not dead?” he asked her.
Emily smiled and shook her head. “I’m not.” She agreed, holding her hand for him. “Want to feel?”
Henry shrunk against JJ again, but Jack grabbed Emily’s hand and tugged her closer. “See Henry?”
Emily grinned and lifted Jack up into her arms, kissing his neck and whispering her thanks in his ear.
“Do you want to give Auntie Em a hug?” Will asked his son softly.
Henry nodded.
Emily set Jack on his feet and squatted in front of Henry, her arms open for him. “You’ve gotten so big, Henry. I missed you heaps.”
“Yeah?” he asked.
“Heaps and heaps.” She nodded.
Henry smiled. “I missed you too. You’re funny.”
“Can I have a hug?” she asked.
Henry nodded and tentatively let Emily’s arms settle around him.
Emily stayed still, letting Henry dictate things, and after a few seconds, he snuggled closer to her and she let her embrace tighten around him as he reacquainted himself with her scent and her form. “You still ticklish?” she whispered, letting her fingers tickle against his ribs.
Henry squealed and squirmed in her arms, his laughter healing something inside of Emily.
Hotch drew Jack into his arms and smiled proudly. “That was a wonderful thing you did, Jack.”
Jack beamed up at his dad. “She looks happy again.” He noted.
Hotch nodded. “She does.” His eyes lingered on Emily, and he watched the way the weight of the past few weeks and months seemed to fall away from her as she laughed along with Henry.
Seeing her smile was something Aaron had missed more than he cared to admit, and seeing that smile, that light come back into her eyes, made him think that maybe, just maybe, everything would be alright.