Chapter Text
Coming out to Henry Laurens - bad idea. Never try it at home, children.
John understood that it would come out bad to him. But hiding his homosexuality from his father was scary. He knew what would happen if he ever found out. The paranoia was eating him up from the inside. Alex suggested him to come out himself, so Henry won't find it out accidentally. John joked around it at first, 'cause this seemed like a suicide mission. But, as the time passed, he grew more desperate.
And the day came. John got tired of hiding Alexander's letters, of listening to his father complain about him not having a girlfriend, of flinching whenever he heard footsteps coming to his room (not like that was anything new), of hiding who he was. Plus - his second year of college is soon. Surely father wouldn't go out too much on him right before sending his son off?
In desperate need of support, he took out his phone to text his lover
______Alex<3<3________________
Alex<3<3: did u get my letter? :3
You: i did luv <3
ty
it was really sweet
Alex<3<3: and someone here told me it's old school 😔
You: you'll never let me forget it, will you? :p
Alex<3<3: nuh uh ^v^
You: Oh I got 2 go bye!
Alex<3<3: bye love!
__________Today, 8:25 PM___________
You: Hey Alex
I decided to come out to my father
I'm scared
he probably won't approve of us
Alex<3<3: oh Jackie, don't worry
even if he won't, we'll figure something out, I promise you
I'm with you spiritually each and every step of the way
I'd be scared too if I was with him, so it's okay that you're afraid
You: Thanks, Al, I really needed it
Alex<3<3: rooting for you!
You: you have no idea how much I love you
Alex<3<3: wait one more thing
You: ?
Alex<3<3: Please tell me how it went later
your father seems like a homophobic asshole, and I'm really worried tbh
please, John
You: i will, promise
John felt the flow of confidence. Maybe it will all be fine, and even if it won't, they'll manage. Yeah. Probably.
After dinner, Laurens asked his father to have a talk. He felt as if the words he wanted to say are about to run back down his throat from fear, blocked by his thumping heart. Pushing his panic down, John told his father the truth
- Father, I have to tell you something.
Fuck, why was it so hard?
- I- I don't like girls. I am gay. I have a boyfriend
Those simple words that he had no problem saying to himself, his friends, or Lexi now were the hardest ones to say when he was facing Henry Laurens. The second those words hit the man's brain, his whole face shifted with disgust. His vein on his forehead started pulsating, almost popping.
- You what? - he said, dangerously quietly - You dare look me in the eyes and admit you're one of those?
He stood up from his chair and John instinctively started backing away, curses flying through his brain at his stupidity - what was he thinking?! Why would he even try that?! The panic now was going haywire, like a hurricane of fear and thoughts. He felt tears starting to prickle at the corner of his eyes, but crying would only make matters worse.
- Dad- Father, please, there's nothing I-
- Don't you even dare address me like that! I raised you better than this - he spat out
You didn't raise me though.
The man's hand swung and his fist collided with the teen's cheek. The pain shot through it and John almost fell from the impact. This one surely would become a bruise later on...
The older man grabbed Jack by his hoodie collar and pulled closer. Another fist flew, this time in his nose. The blood immediately started dripping down John's lip. Henry pushed him away hard, and the teenager hit the wall. He almost screamed from the pain, sliding down the wall
- Who is it? Who is he, huh? Answer me, NOW!
John was panicking openly now. Hurt and scared, he followed his father's command
- A-Alexander - he choked out - Alexander Hamilton.
- Oh yeah? So where did you meet this Alexander, hm?
- College - was the only thing the teen said.
- Oh yeah? - he asked hypothetically, shaking John violently
- Father, please, stop!
He didn't. He hit him again, and again, and again, and soon enough John's arms and face were a fucking palette of bruises and blood. Then, he said something that made John's heart sink.
- Get out of my house.
- What..?
- I said GET OUT OF MY HOUSE! I will not have a faggot son, even if it means I have no son!
It took Jack a minute to process that his father was actually serous. His own father was kicking him out and disowning him. While he wanted to run away someday, it wasn't planned like this.
- And don't even bother calling that Alexander, or me - he said, taking John's phone off the counter. The teen watched in horror, as his father's hands snapped the phone. The glass got filled with cracks, and it was certainly not usable anymore.
Jack's heart broke. There were all his good memories - meeting his friends, achieving some actually valuable things, all the things between him and Alex... It was worse than all the physical ache he was feeling, much worse
He stumbled back on his feet and asked his father
- Can I go get my things?
- No. In no way I allow such dirty thing as you lingering around my house anymore or taking things that I paid for! - he roared - Don't expect a single cent from me, you got it?
Still in shock, but accepting his fate, he quietly left the house. John had no idea where he should go - him and Alex, or any of his friends were in completely different states, and he couldn't just come and tell them "Oh hey guys, my abusive father kicked me out for being gay and entirely disowned me, do you mind if I crash with you for a little while?". His father was really straightforward and executed his promises perfectly - so that would mean he wasn't paying for Jack's education anymore. He probably had to take out a loan, it scared him to be in debt - he knew too well what happened to the people that owed his father too much for too long. And what about his sister then?! Oh Martha, poor Martie, she's still abroad but would come back eventually only to find him gone? And how would he live now? The only money he had was 50 bucks in his hoodie pocket, and there was no way in this economy he was going to really survive.
Then, he remembered something that made his anxiety go even worse, even though it was hardly imaginable. Alex asked him, made him promise that John would let him know how the "coming out" went and now there was no way of doing so, he must be so worried, fuck, fuck, fuck-
- Hey, are you okay?
John looked to see the source of the voice and saw a girl, probably around his age, and he didn't recognize her. And he actually didn't recognize his surroundings at all. Turns out, he was aimlessly walking down the streets, buried in himself
- Not really - he answered honestly. What was there to hide?
- Oh my God, what happened to your face? Do you need help? Should I call 911? - she asked in horror and confusion, moving closer to him
Jack had an idea, and it gave him hope
- Wait- a weird request, I know, but can I borrow your phone for just a few minutes? Please, it's very important - the teen asked her
She looked hesitant for a little bit
- You sure you won't just run away and steal it?
John would've laughed if he wasn't so worried
- I'm sure. If I wanted to do so, I'd at least make sure you can't see my face - he argued
It seemed enough to convince the girl, and she carefully handed him the phone, suspicion still written all over her face. The time read 8:57. Weird just how much could be changed in only half an hour
With trembling hands, John typed his boyfriend's number, almost mistyping the digits 3 times
Pressing the call button, he silently begged for the other teen to answer it. After 5 rings that seemed endless, Alexander finally picked up the phone
- Hello? - he asked, the annoyance and worry clearly evident
John felt tears of relief rolling down his cheeks, and he couldn't stop them
- Alex? - he asked, just to be sure, his voice trembling
- Jack?! - he heard on the other end, surprised and worry increasing
- Lex - he laughed wetly - Yeah, it's me
- John, what the fuck was that?! Do you know how much I worried?! Why didn't you reply to my texts and why are you calling me from a random number at 9 PM?!
- Alex - it was him, it was really him, and they would fix it together - Oh my God, Alex - John was openly crying at this point. It was too much: emotionally and physically
- Love, what the fuck did he do to you. - Alexander asked, anger and fear now taking the lead in his intonation
- Sorry for not replying, I just- it didn't go too well,
- What. Did. He. Do. - he repeated
- I promise it will make sense later, but- hah, I guess I've got the freedom I wanted. I'm sorry I didn't manage to get your letters - trying to be positive even on the verge of hysteria in a situation like this (absolutely hopeless) was always John's thing; it was the only reason he survived for 18 years spent with Henry Laurens.
- I don't understand John, you scare me. Please tell me what happened, I want to help!
- Not here, dear, but I swear I will fill you all in the second I see you. I swear. See you soon - the teen was tired, his voice was steadier now, but the tears were still falling down his face
- John, don't-!
But he already hung up. He knew it wasn't enough for Alexander, and he won't be satisfied until he learns the whole story. Completely dried up emotionally, he gave the phone back to the girl that was standing and clearly was a little uncomfortable.
- Sorry you had to see me like that - he murmured, a little embarrassed
- It's fine - she said - Do you need anything else? I can call 911, cause you look like shit
Ouch
- No need, thanks though for letting me know though
- No offense, dude
- No taken - he smiled - what street is this?
She looked at him like he was stupid. Maybe he was a little bit
- Forth Mill - the girl answered
Woah, he surely wandered far off
- You know if there are any motels that will take 50 dollars for the night? Or preferably less - gosh, this was one of the most embarrassing questions of his life...
She chuckled lightly
- I don't know any in the 50-mile radius, sorry.
What was he hoping for, really?
- It's okay, thanks for help though - John assured her. Seems like he's sleeping on the streets though...
- You don't have anywhere to go?
- No - the teen replied sheepishly
The girl chewed on her lip, her brows furrowed as if solving a quadratic formula without a calculator
- You know, I think you can go to my place
John's eyes widened
- What? No, I'm sorry, but I can't accept this offer, I don't want to bother
- Don't worry - she said - It's fine, I insist
- Oh my God - the teen couldn't believe his luck - I- thank you, you're way too kind. You've helped me a lot today
The 2 of them started walking. To be honest, John was also a little concerned: after all, "stranger-danger" and stuff. But hey - who doesn't risk doesn't live
- So, what's your name? - he asked
- Martha - the girl replied
- Really? My sister's name is also Martha
- Wow, what a coincidence!
They continued walking, sharing their stories and laughing at the terrible jokes Martha learned from her brother. Jack was really grateful to Martha - their talk kept his thoughts off his father, sister, friends, college. He should deal with them in the morning
- Woah
That was all John could manage to say as they went to Martha's house. It was as big as his previous one (the thought totally didn't make the bruises on his arms sting), but looked far, far more welcoming that the Laurens' mansion. Maybe it was because John knew the truth behind the closed doors.
They quietly walked inside, and Martha showed him the guest room
- You'll sleep here
It was simple: a bed, a closet, a table and a bathroom, but compared to the perspective the teen was almost doomed to, it was a luxury.
- I can't thank you enough - John said, turning to the girl - You may have saved my life out there
He pulled up his only $50 bill and was about to give her, when she smiled softly and refused
- You should keep it if you have nowhere to go and no belongings on you
They stood in silence for a few minutes, and then John decided to ask Martha something that lingered on his mind
- Why did you do it?
- Huh?
- Why did you let me in? I could be a burglar, a thief, and just why? Why would you help me if you don't even know me? Do you usually house strangers like this?
The girl hesitated a little before answering him
- I have friends who have been through similar shit. Homeless, or in poverty, or stuck in abuse - I don't want you to drive yourself to an end like- she trailed off - nevermind...
John didn't need for her to finish to know, and his heart clenched at the thought that this girl had to go through this
- I'm sorry
- It's not your fault - she shrugged - and it was a long time ago
- But they meant something to you
Martha shivered. Jack mentally scolded himself for telling her it
- If you need anything, I'll be upstairs - she said before leaving the room
John laid on the soft mattress, trying hard to fall asleep, but the day was overwhelming, and he couldn't rest properly. Finally, after a good damn hour of tossing and turning, he was finally able to relax. All the remaining struggles were left for the next day