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“I’m sorry, Willow. I know it’s been a while since we’ve hung out, but I really can’t right now,” Buffy said into the cordless phone, fighting to keep the guilt, annoyance, and exhaustion out of her voice.
She was sitting on the couch, textbook spread open across her lap, phone in one hand while the other highlighted passages, and her foot stretched out to rock the baby carrier set on the floor. It wasn’t doing much to quiet Thursday’s fussing. In fact, the fussing was getting worse, which meant she probably needed a diaper change and/or to nurse.
“Come on, Buffy. We could have a girls’ night.” The pleading whine in Willow’s voice added to the headache Buffy could feel building behind her eyes, threatening to pounce at any minute. “Oh, I know, we, we could invite Xander, too! Which would make it a Core Scooby Night instead of Girls’ Night. It’ll be fun. You could really use some.”
Buffy sighed heavily and put aside her schoolwork. The phone was tucked between her ear and shoulder as she got up and scooped Thursday into her arms, being careful to support the six-week-old infant’s head. She walked to the small changing table tucked against one wall of the living room and settled the baby on it.
“I’ve got finals in a couple of weeks, Will, and I’m kinda swamped with the studying.” Which Willow would have known if she hadn’t had to drop out due to losing her arm. Or if Buffy had had time to talk to her more about things. She tried to push back the guilt. “Maybe once those are done, we’ll hang out, okay?”
She unwrapped the baby from her blankets and unfastened the diaper tabs. “Did someone make stinkies?” she murmured, hand planted over the receiver. “You’re mama’s stinky little baby, aren’t you?”
She grinned as Thursday gurgled at her, then reached for the wet wipes, baby powder, and a clean diaper. The itty little feet were tickled and then lifted up so the wet wipes could be used. The nasty old diaper was tossed in the lidded trash can set up next to the changing table and the fresh one quickly positioned under Thursday before the baby could decide she needed to potty again. Shake on the powder and –
“Buffy? Buffy, are you there?”
Oh crap, Willow had been talking the entire time. “Yeah, I’m here. I completely spaced on what you were saying. Thursday needed a diaper change.”
She folded the diaper over and closed the tabs, then unbuttoned her own shirt. Thank God for nursing bras, she thought, opening up one of the cups and settling the baby against her chest. They’d started getting the hang of the whole latching on thing in the past few weeks. It only took a couple of tries before Thursday was suckling away and all was suddenly very right with Buffy’s world. God, hormones were great.
“Spike’s making you take care of the baby while you’re trying to study?” Willow sounded indignant and wrathful on Buffy’s behalf. Maybe there was a time when that would have been touching, but right now it was just irritating, though not quite enough to completely harsh the nursing mommy buzz. “Why isn’t he changing the diaper?”
“Because I have baby watch right now,” she said. “I’d have some other help, but Mom’s on a buying trip, and Dawn has her own studying to do.”
She was still trying to figure out how to balance all of the aspects of her life – mother, Slayer, girlfriend, student, daughter, sister – and Spike had ended up doing about eighty percent of the child care. In part because he had more free time, but also because he was “mommy” to Thursday in that whole “I was inside of you for longer than I’ve been outside, and the world is a loud and scary place” kind of way. Despite what Willow seemed to think, he was more than pulling his weight, and was currently enjoying one of the greatest gifts you could give a stay-at-home parent: twenty minutes of uninterrupted naptime.
The grumpy mood didn’t last long, those lovely, lovely hormones managing to overcome it. She had the most beautiful baby in the whole entire world. She was the best, and such a good little eater, too, yes she…. Damn it, she’d spaced again and completely missed whatever it was Willow was saying now. Probably more accusations about Spike being a lazy asshole. She sighed and switched the baby to the other breast without dropping baby or phone. Hooray for Slayer reflexes!
“I can’t put it all on Spike just because we decided I should stay in school,” she pointed out.
Dead silence on the line, and Buffy winced. Willow had wanted to continue, but had been convinced to wait while she adjusted to the missing arm. Something she could have done more easily with magic if Tara and Giles weren’t monitoring everything she did with it. Which, honestly, kind of seemed like a good thing, based on what Tara had been telling her about magic. Willow seriously needed to go back and study the fundamentals.
“I’m sorry,” Buffy said quietly into the phone. “Look, I –” The timer in the kitchen dinged. “After finals. We’ll do something then, okay? Right now, I’ve got to go. Bye.”
She hung up the phone after Willow’s sullen goodbye with an uncomfortable feeling of guilt and relief. Things were still so weird and tense between the two of them, and being busy all the time really wasn’t helping. There had been some nasty, hurtful things said and done on both sides, and, well… Buffy had responsibilities now.
The biggest of those responsibilities had drifted off to sleep. Buffy smiled down at her, moving her finger down to tickle one little palm. The finger was instantly grabbed with what had to be a fairly strong grip for such a tiny, fragile being. She took her finger back and used it to gently break the suction around her nipple.
“Time to go visit Daddy,” she whispered, getting her clothing straightened before going up the stairs.
She settled Thursday into the bassinet beside her bed, kissed Spike to something vaguely resembling wakefulness, and then started pawing through her textbooks. She’d just been studying English. Should she move on to the poetry analysis stuff, or give herself a break from languagey type things and poke at History for a bit? You had to balance these things just right, or your brain would rebel.
There was a soft rustle of sound behind her. Probably Spike sitting up and looking at Thursday. He still had to reassure himself a lot that she was really there. Ben said it was perfectly normal considering what he’d been through with the baby’s “birth.” Not that being attacked and sliced open by your crazy, skanky ho-bitch ex could really be considered normal.
“Damn it, I think I left my History textbook downstairs,” she muttered. She glanced over her shoulder at Spike. Mmm…. Naked, sleep tousled vampire, barely covered by a sheet. No, Buffy. Be good. Study time. “I’ll be right back.”
She headed back down the stairs, grabbed her book, and went right back up. Ugh. I don’t actually need this kind of workout. She’d be getting enough of one when she went on patrol. She paused at the top of the stairs, smiling suddenly. She hadn’t closed the door all the way and could hear Spike singing, his voice matching the first words of the lullaby.
“Sweet and low, sweet and low,
Wind of the Western sea,
Low, low, breathe and blow,
Wind of the Western sea.
Over the rolling waters go;
Come from the dying moon, and blow;
Blow him again to me,
While my little one, while my pretty one sleeps.”
Buffy had crept towards the door as he sang, and now she peered in. He was still sitting in bed, but had Thursday in his arms now, cuddled against his chest. She really should be studying. She knew that, but…. It’s all about balance. Student Buffy had dominated a lot this week, but now it was time for Mommy and Girlfriend Buffy to have a turn. She slipped into the room and snuggled with her man and baby.
“Sleep and rest, sleep and rest,” she sang softly. She’d heard him sing this one to Thursday a few times, enough to know the words. “Daddy will come to thee soon.”
Spike curled his free arm around her and pulled her close, as he joined in with her for the rest of the lullaby. It was good to be balanced.