Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

You sighed deeply, breathing in and out through your mouth. Your nose was stuffed and runny which only caused you to be more upset than usual.

“I’m sick of this”, you muttered, frowning menacingly at the kettle.

“That’s all you’ve got?” Came the teasing reply from the doorway.

“Shut up, Dan, or I’ll sneeze on everything you love”, you replied with a small sniff, squinting your (Y/E/C) eyes.

Dan only laughed and came up closer, putting his pleasantly cold hand on your forehead. You removed it decisively and turned around to pour the hot water into your favourite coffee mug.

“How are you feeling?” He asked, propping his hip on the counter.

“Fine”, you replied shortly, opening the fridge. You sneezed abruptly into the inner side of your elbow before grabbing the milk bottle. “It’s just a cold”, you managed to add before another enormous sneeze.

You felt your eyes begin to water as you opened them reluctantly. You shook your head and raised an unimpressed brow at Dan.

“You know,” Dan begun with a sly grin as you poured milk into your coffee, “I’ve read somewhere that the face you make when you sneeze is the same face you make when you orgasm.”

You choked on your own saliva when you tried to scoff at him.

“I hate you sometimes”, you managed to say after your coughing fit subsided.

“Of course”, Dan rolled his eyes. “You like Phil better.”

“No, I don’t”, you said hurriedly, cheeks pink.

“Oh my God! You do!” Dan exclaimed with a goofy grin. He jumped excitedly, almost clapping his hands. “You’re blushing!”

You shook your head, letting your (Y/H/C) hair cover your face and avoided looking at him as you passed him on your way out from the kitchen.

“It’s because I have high temperature. That’s what happens when you’re sick.”

“Sick with looovee~!”, Dan sang, going one step behind you.

“Sick because of some chattering idiot tailing me”, you snapped without turning around.

You walked briskly into the room you shared with Dan. Which was very unfortunate at this very moment.

“I will infect everything you love. I wasn’t joking,” you growled threateningly.

Which didn’t exactly work with you being sick and everything. You sat on your bed and pulled a blanket over your legs. Looking intently into your mug you tried to will the butterflies in your stomach into the void.

“I knew it~!”

Dan wasn’t any help. He sat next to you.

“Shut up”, you whispered, sipping your coffee.

“You never say no to him."

"That’s not true”, she said meekly. “Besides, you’re the one talking!”

“But he’s my best friend.” Dan stated, shrugging his arms.

“Yeah, well.. he’s my friend too”, you replied.

“Now, (Y/N), we both know that’s not true”, he said, shaking his head in disbelief. How can one be in such denial. “You like like him.” He said, giving you a meaningful look.

You snorted but kept your mouth shut. It’s was embarrassing enough and there was no chance fooling the guy.

“Come on, talk to me!”

“You’re the last person I want to talk to right now."

"Why?” Dan whined and somehow managed to get under the blanket with you.

“Oi, what do you think you’re…” Your sentence was interrupted by another sneeze. Then came the wave of dizziness. You didn’t have enough strength to push him out. “Dan, get away, you’re gonna be sick”, you said, breathing slowly through you mouth.

“Doesn’t matter. Now spill.”

“I’m not gossiping about Phil with you.”

“But why?”

“Because you’re gonna tell him everything!” Dan gasped grinning at you. “Besides, my stupid crush doesn’t matter. It’s just that. A crush. It will pass. And he's happy with Janice. I won’t be flaunting my feelings only to ruin somebody’s relationship. I’m happy to be his friend”, you said between breaths, your voice getting more and more quiet with every word.

Dan frowned, looking at you with his head tipped to the side. He never suspected you of such selflessness. You always struck him as a sarcastic and flirtatious kind of girl, no matter how shy you might’ve been during the early days of living with them.

“What are you still doing here?”

Dan flinched at your sudden question. You were watching him curiously from behind your mug.

“I thought we were having a moment”, he said with a cheeky grin.

“Yes, we were. But we aren’t anymore”, you replied, rolling your eyes. “Now get away. I really don’t want you to be sick.”

“Aww~! Aren’t you just the cutest?"

"I’m not cute”, you grumbled, frowning at him. “And I’ll fight you if you say that again. Besides, don’t you have a radio show to present?”

“Oh, yeah, that thing”, Dan replied, deciding to drop the subject for now. “What should I wear?”

“You’re asking me? You’re a grown ass man, you should know how to dress yourself.”

“Wow, sarcasm is strong with this one.”

“Said the most innocent of all."

"You know it!”, he smiled.

“And humble… don’t forget humble…”

“Humble doesn’t answer my question, (Y/N)."

"Honey, you’d look beautiful in anything”, you said with a foxy smirk, sipping your lukewarm coffee.

Dan puffed his cheeks.

“I hate you sometimes.”

“Oh, stop it, Daniel~!”, you waved your hand nonchalantly. “Now it’s not the time for this kind of compliments.”

Dan glared at you for a couple of seconds. But you knew you were in trouble when his brown eyes began to twinkle mischievously. He breathed in deeply and shouted:

“PHIIIIIIIILLLL!"

"I fucking hate you”, you spat, putting away your coffee mug and wrapping the blanket tighter around yourself.

“What now? Are you two arguing again?”, Phil appeared in their room fixing the last buttons on his blue plaid shirt.

“She’s being mean to me.”

“No I’m not”, you said curtly, suddenly being aware of how cold your hands were. Unlike your face. You’re gonna blame the fever for that. You sighed contentedly, putting hands on your neck.

“How are you feeling?” Phil asked, coming closer to your bed.

“Wow, you’re the second person today who asked me that question”, you said nasally, looking at your knees. How you hated having cold.

“Well, I’ll be concerned if it was more people”, Dan muttered, very intently looking through his clothes.

“First of all: ouch”, you said with an exaggerated sob. “And second: I didn’t know you could count to more than two.”

Dan opened his mouth to get some verbal revenge but Phil interrupted preventing the situation from escalating.

“Stop it. Both of you”, he said, frowning as he looked from you to his friend. “Can’t you communicate without being mean towards each other?”

“No”, you and Dan stated flatly at the same time.

“Well, at least you agree on one thing”, Phil said shaking his head. A fond smile played in the corner of his lips. “Get ready, Dan, we’re leaving soon. And (Y/N) keep an eye on him. I don’t want him to wear some questionable handkerchief… again.”

“Will do”, you saluted with a giggle.

When Phil left the room, Dan looked at you with this annoying smile.

“What happened with ‘You’re a grown ass man you should know how to dress yourself’ thing?”

“Shut up.”

Chapter Text

It was shortly after three in the morning when you woke up with a start, sitting up in your bed. Your (Y/E/C) eyes were wide open, but even so you couldn't see anything. You were struggling to even out your breathing, gripping the covers so tightly your knuckles turned white.
 
The light of a full moon lighted up the room a little. You looked to your left, where in the bed next to yours slept Dan. You observed him for a while, relaxing only after noticing the repetitive movement of his chest.
 
He's alive... Everything's okay, you thought, laying down.
 
It's been a long time since you've had a nightmare this vivid and it had shaken you up to the core. You stifled a whimper, curling into a fetal position and hiding beneath the blanket. Going back to sleep was not an option. After a couple of minutes your breathing evened out. You shuddered as you got up and ventured quietly out of the bedroom.
 
The kitchen was surprisingly chilly at this time of night, but that might be because the window was slightly open. The soft hum of cars roaming the streets made you feel more lonely than ever. Without turning on the lights, you poured water into the kettle and waited for it to boil. Raspberry tea always helped you relax and reminded you of home.
 
The soft click of the kettle startled you. The images from the nightmare returning with all the details you wanted to forget. You bit down on your lower lip, remembering the lifeless brown and blue eyes of the two people you cared about the most in this world. You were on the verge of breaking down, little sobs escaping from your chest.
 
You instinctively reached out for your favourite mug busying yourself with your tea, when you heard someone's footsteps coming from within the flat. Your heart was thudding in your chest. There was a dim light in the corridor and a person stepped into the kitchen.
 
"What are you doing up at this hour?"
 
You recognised Phil's voice, still husky from the sleep.
 
"Nothing", you replied shortly, trying to hide the tremble in your voice. "Just some tea..."
 
"Everything's fine, (Y/N)?", he asked, hiding a yawn behind his hand.
 
"Yeah, peachy. Nothing to worry about, go back to sleep", you said softly, looking warmly at his sleepy face and messy hair.
 
Phil only muttered something incomprehensible and without any further questions returned to his bedroom. Shortly after the flat was once again dark.
 
You breathed out a sigh of relief, but at the same time some minute part of you selfishly wished he would've stayed.

Chapter Text

“I’m up! I’m up!”, you announced loudly, sitting upright abruptly on the sofa. 

Crashing noise and a shriek coming from the kitchen startled you into reality. You felt your heart beating loudly, as you looked around with unseeing eyes. Rubbing them, you stood up, swaying slightly on your still sleepy legs. 
 
Yawning you made your way to the kitchen, only to witness a disaster. The glass bowl shattered into pieces mixed with milk and cereal. Next to it stood Dan, unmoving and in shock, you suspected. 
 
“And I thought Phil was the clumsy one”, you said with a chuckle. You might be half-asleep, but sarcasm was something you could use at any time.
Dan turned slowly to face you. He shook his head and frowned. 
 
“What are you doing here?”

“As far as I’m aware, I think I live here, darling”, you said slowly, putting a comforting hand on his arm and rubbing it genlty. 

He looked at you, unimpressed. 
 
“But your bed was empty when I woke up… I thought you went to work or something”, he explained. 

“Whoa, easy there Sherlock”, you laughed. “I have a free day today… I was just napping on the sofa in the living room”, you added, being partially truthful. You felt your stomach flutter as you recalled the nightmare from the last night. “That was until somebody decided to make their presence known.”

“Sorry”, Dan said, scratching the back of his head. “I should clean up, shouldn’t I?” 

“That you should”, you smiled, tiptoeing around the mess. “Be careful with the shards.”

“Have a little faith, woman.” 

Not long after, you heard a loud hiss and muttered Fuck!
 
“What did I tell you, big guy? Go sort yourself out”, you said, pushing him out of the room. 

“There’s so much blood!”, he called in dismay.
 
You laughed, promising to clean up instead. He looked pleased, but the moment you mentioned that he owes you a favour, he pouted. 
 
"Couldn't you do it out of the kindness of your heart?"
 
"What heart?", you looked at him with disbelief and smirked.
 
"Ah, yes... I forgot... my mistake, Y/N", he drawled and finally went to the bathroom.
 
Humming some random tune, you began to clean up. A couple of minutes later there was no sign of the milky disaster. You decided to make yourself a cup of tea. Then you went to the lounge and sat in silence.
 
"Whatcha doin'?", Dan asked, creeping behind you.
 
"Could you not do that?", you gasped with a frown, gripping the mug.
 
"You're awfully jumpy today...", he noticed, sitting next to you with a fresh bowl of cereal. "Do you have any afternoon plans?"
 
"Nope... I just need to figure out which method of procrastination appeals the most to me today."
 
"So..? What actor are you drooling over today?", he teased after eating a mouthful.
 
"Oi, get off my back!", you shoved him lightly. "Go ask your buddy where he's at."
 
"You're awful", he pouted.
 
"Why thank you", you replied with a proud grin.
 
Half an hour later you and Dan decided that there was no better way of procrastinating than the Internet. After fetching your laptops, you settled back on the sofa and decided to browse in a companionable silence.
 
"Ah, there you are..."
 
You both grunted something incomprehensible in response, hearing Phil's voice as he walked into the living room. 
 
"Having fun?", he asked, sitting on a chair.
 
You grunted, this time smirking shortly after. You looked up at him just in time to see him roll his eyes.
 
"What do you want, Phil?', Dan asked as you decided to return to your browsing. 
 
"I was thinking...", Phil started shifting in his chair slightly. "How about we have a movie night tonight?"
 
"Phil...", Dan said, setting his laptop aside and squinting suspiciously at his friend. "How many people did you invite already?"
 
"What? I have no idea what you're talking about!"
 
Dan just gave him his infamous This Guy™ look and you couldn't help but chuckle. Phil always had the tendency to do things and then ask what you were thinking about it. Usually it was pretty harmless, although you weren't sure if you wanted to socialise tonight.
 
"Okay, fine... Felix might have mentioned that he and Marzia will be in the neighbourhood..."
 
You perked up at the mention of them. It's been a while since you've had the occasion to see each other in person. They were so much fun and you dearly missed them. You were on board with the idea, until he mentioned that he also invited Janice.
 
Looking down at your laptop, you missed the side glance that Dan gave you. The corners of your lips dropped slightly. It's not like you didn't like Janice. You did. She was cute, funny,  great to talk to... Seriously, there was nothing not to like. And she made Phil happy, so that's a plus too.
 
You sighed quietly and rearranged your sitting position.
 
"Seriously, Phil? You want us to third wheel two couples?", you ask jokingly, your lips quirking in a teasing smile. "That's a little bit too advanced for me, I'm afraid."
 
"Y/N... you know it's not like that...", Phil said softly.
 
"I know, I know... I'm just joking", you replied, closing your laptop. "So, when does it start?"
 
"Seven-ish..?, he asked, biting his lip.
 
You stood up and stretched, sighing softly.
 
"Fine", you said, looking at Dan. He didn't change his browsing position at all, laptop already in place, and was watching you with a playful grin. "So I guess it's on me to provide you with sustenance?" The guys only looked at you with smiles far from innocent. "Ugh, I hate you sometimes."
 
"We love you too, Y/N~!", Phil called after you when you were on your way out of the room.
 
You knew he meant it in a friendly way, and yet your heart fluttered in your chest. You'll hate yourself for that later. Now you could only sigh and shake your head. There were popcorn and sodas waiting to be purchased.

Chapter Text

You were walking back to the apartment from the mini shopping trip. Lost in your music you were startled when you heard somebody calling your name. You raised your head and only then noticed Felix and Marzia waving at you. You smiled in recognition.

"I think you're walking in the wrong direction", you said as a hello, turning off your mp3 player.

"Marzia noticed you when she was driving up the street and was too giddy to wait in the apartment", Felix explained hurriedly, taking a bag from you.

"Thanks", you sighed, flexing your hand. "You sure she was the giddy one?", you added with a smirk, after she punched him lightly in the arm.

"Okay, okay!", Felix exclaimed as you started walking. "It might have been me."

"Let's just settle with that", Marzia rolled her eyes and you laughed.

The remaining distance passed quickly and as you chatted happily with the couple you also managed to meet Janice just at the entrance.

You shushed them when you opened the door to the apartment.

"Oh, no...", you moaned loudly, smirking at your friends. "So many bags, so little strength... I guess I should hoard all the salted caramel popcorn under my bed..."

You all heard a muffled "Oh, hell no!", coming from the living room as you calmly set the bags on the kitchen counter. After a short while Dan all but stumbled into the kitchen, squinting his eyes and ready to fight. You couldn't help but chuckle, just as the rest of the group.

"Oh, hey guys", he said with a warm smile and then turned to you with an irritated stare. "You're a bad person. Bad", he wagged his finger at you and started rummaging through the content of the bags.

"Let's go find Phil", Janice proposed, shaking her head at you. You could only shrug your arms with less than innocent twinkle in your eyes.

"He should be in the living room", Dan said, still fumbling with the bags. "Go make yourself at home." As they were leaving he turned to you. "Where is it?"

"Where is what?"

"The popcorn."

"I'm not sure I'll be willing to share it with a person that didn't help me drag those bags up the stairs", you replied with a teasing smirk.

"Oh, come on, (Y/N)! I'm badly injured!", he said, showing his bandaged finger in your face. "Have some mercy!"

"Fine, have it your way... but help me out now, please... there are way too many people here tonight. What?", you asked when you noticed Dan watching you as he clutched his chest.

"She said please", he sobbed in exaggeration and grinned noticing your pink cheeks.

"You're an idiot", you mumbled, looking down at the floor and shaking your head.

"...I have a plan. I'm telling you, Janice... It's gonna work and it's gonna be amazing!", you heard Phil say passionately, when you and Dan walked into the living room with bowls of popcorn.

"What's gonna work?", you asked curiously, setting snacks on the table.

"Nothing, he's just being silly", Janice said, throwing Phil a stern look.

"Obviously", Dan mumbled, casting his friend a quick glance. "Anyway, what are we watching?", he asked, sitting in the only free chair.

You followed him, seeing that it was big enough for both of you. You propped your back on the thick armrest and threw you legs across his lap. You grinned, seeing his raised eyebrow.

"You comfortable over there?", Marzia asked, laughing quietly.

"I guess I can manage...", you sighed deeply, looking into the distance.

"The new Conjuring is out so I thought we could watch the first one and then the second", Phil said, holding up the DVD case.

"You have got to be kidding me", you said, frowning at him. It was no secret you hated horror movies. "Nu-huh. Not gonna happen. Nope. I'm outta here", you added, shaking your head and trying to stand up. But Dan leaning on your legs prevented you from doing so. You growled at him, however the only response you got was a playful grin and more of his weight keeping you in place.

"Come on, (Y/N), you read horror stuff... I've seen you watch horror anime," Phil said, already pressing the play button.

"That doesn't count", you mumbled, crossing your arms. "It's fiction."

"So is this", Felix said raising his eyebrow in amusement. "It's gonna be fun, (Y/N)!"

"Fun? It said based on a true story, Felix!"

"(Y/N), it won't be that bad... Besides, Dan will protect you", Phil said with a meaningful stare that got you frowning in confusion.

You and Dan looked at each other briefly before bursting out laughing.

"Ah, that's a good one", Dan heaved, wiping away the tear from the corner of his eye. "Listen, (Y/N), I love you..."

"He said he loves her!", Phil whispered excitedly ready to start squealing and clapping his hands, but winced when Janice tugged on his arm.

"Shut up, it's not one of your soap operas", she scolded, pulling him back to rest against the sofa.

You watched them confused. Marzia and Felix seemed entertained enough and were focusing on your interaction instead the movie.

"...But I still want to drink that chocolate brownie frappuccino at Starbucks", he finished with a grin.

"That's understandable", you agreed with a serious nod, putting a finger on your chin. "However, you owe me for today, big guy", you smirked, hearing Dan whine. "Tough luck, darling", you added cheerfully and patted his arm.

"Okay, guys, as much as we enjoy watching you quarrel like an old married couple..."

"Ew, no!", you and Dan said simultaneously and made a horrified faces at Marzia's words and quickly moved away from each other.

"We really should focus on a movie", she finished, sitting back comfortably.

"Exactly... Immersion, my dear (Y/N)", he said with a smirk as you shrank slightly in your seat.

"I hate you... I hate you... I hate you...", you repeated shakily. Sometime in the middle of the movie you grabbed one of the pillows and were hiding behind it. Now you hugged it tightly, ignoring the snickers of the rest of the group.

"(Y/N), it wasn't even that scary", said Janice, laughing quietly.

"That fucking decomposing demon was right in her face when she woke up and vomited a fucking blood straight into her fucking mouth!", you exclaimed. You knew you needed to work on your cursing-when-agitated habit. Not today though. "It was awful. My imagination will run on it for at least a week!", you complained, snuggling into the corner where the armrest met with the back of the chair. "Can't we just watch Zootopia or something?"

"So, part two it is!", Dan exclaimed way too happily for your tastes. "Hey, give it back!"

"Go love yourself, Howell!", you spat, frowning at him menacingly. The bowl of salted caramel popcorn was nestled safely in your arms. "Traitors don't get to eat treats."

Chapter Text

It was a tradition of sorts for you, Dan, and Phil to meet up in a coffee shop every other week when your jobs kept all of you too busy to interact properly. Besides, it was always nice to get out of the apartment form time to time.

Now was one of those days. But what was unusual about it, you were running late. And there were many reasons for that. However, the root of all evil resided in your overly chatty co-worker who just didn't know when to shut up.

As a result, you were hastily entering a coffee shop of your choice this time. You pushed your glasses up your nose, catching a breath and then approached the counter. There were a couple of people standing in line, so you took a chance to look around.

You spotted Dan in a far corner on the sofa next to the window, busy with his phone. You couldn't help but groan internally. This one time when you were late they decided to be punctual. What are the chances, really. There was no Phil in sight though, which was slightly odd.

He's probably in the bathroom or something, you thought after placing your order.

You thanked the barista with a smile and took the mug carefully into both hands. Dan seemed to be typing something furiously on his phone, a menacing frown decorated his face. And then you got your little idea.

“Hey there, handsome. Is this seat taken?”, you asked playfully, standing behind him.

He shoved the phone into the pocket of his jeans and turned around, looking at you with wide, startled eyes. After he realised it was you, he rolled them in a way you always applauded and you couldn't help but giggle.

“Y/N”, he sighed, feigning irritation.

You bit your lower lip, trying to keep your laugh as quiet as possible. Setting your cup carefully on the table, you sat opposite him.

“You should flirt like that with strangers, not friends, Y/N”, Dan said, fixing his fringe.

“Oh, come on. Lines like that won't work. Look at me, I'm a potato”, you replied with a smirk, taking a sip.

Mhmmm, so good... I missed you, buddy, you thought, closing your eyes with delight.

“You're not giving yourself enough credit. You're an adorable potato. I bet that barista was eyeing you since the moment you walked in.”

You frowned, glancing between him and the counter.

“Please, Daniel”, you sighed, waving you hand dismissively. “As much as I adore Coffee Shop AU fics, there is no way of something like that happening to me irl.”

“Irl?”, he questioned with a sly grin.

“God dammit!”, you hissed after a short moment of silence. You'd never failed to tell him how much this habit of his annoyed you. And yet..! “I'm starting to talk like you... we've been spending way too much time together...”, you added, rolling your eyes. “Which reminds me... Where is Phil?”, you asked, looking around.

“Guess what, he said he couldn't make it”, Dan scoffed and crossed his arms.

The word again was just on the tip of your tongue, but you decided to keep quiet and instead spin the mug carefully in your hands.

“That's okay”, you sighed, looking down. “Probably something important came up.”

“Again?”, he all but spat. “Come on, Y/N... You know perfectly well that just as any other time he would be back home in his pyjamas munching on my cereal and watching some cheesy soap opera.”

You knew he was right. That's what made it more difficult for you to hide your disappointment and come up with excuses for Phil. He already bailed four times, not counting this one. And when previously you and Dan came back home he would greet you with a wide smile and an innocent question of How was it?

“That's it”, Dan said with intimidating finality in his voice, rubbing the side of his face. “We need to talk to him. Get your stuff, we're going back right now.”

You regarded him cautiously. You hated confrontation and this one had all of the potential to turn into a messy one. Dan needed to calm down. You shook your head, pulling the mug closer to you.

“No, Dan. I'm tired and I just got my coffee, I'm not going anywhere.”

He was in the middle of standing up, when you said those words. His mouth opened slightly, while his eyebrows rose up in bewilderment.

“I'm sorry, what?”, he hissed. You looked to the side. “This has to be dealt with, Y/N.”

“No, it doesn't have to...”, you muttered. “It'll be different next time.”

“You say that every fucking time! Do you see any effects?”, he said lowly. You set your lips in a thin line. “Exactly.”

“Dan, listen, this whole thing is not worth getting so worked up about. I bet there is some explanation...”, you tried to reason but to no avail.

“Figures, you'd say that, considering how you let him get away essentially with everything”, he almost yelled by the end, hostility clear in his voice. But you never expected what came next. “Just because you're so hopelessly in love with him. Are you really that desperate?”

You let out a shaky breath, lips moving but no words coming out. That was too much.

“Don't you take that tone with me, Howell”, you hissed, leaning over the table, coffee forgotten.

“Or what? You're gonna repress those emotions all over again?”

“I don't know. You're the fucking expert here!”, you responded harshly, looking him straight in the eye. “Get out of my sight”, you spat.

“What?”

“You wanted to go. So go. There is nothing keeping you here, right? What are you waiting for?”

“Fine”, he squinted his eyes and got up. “But don't you ever come back to me crying how he doesn't love you”, Dan added, putting on a jacket.

“Fine. I never did and don't intend to”, you retorted with a matching tone. “Leave, we're done here”, you growled, looking pointedly out of the window, jaw clenched tightly.

And with one last scoff, he did as he was told. Only after you made sure he was gone, you hid your face in your hands, dry sobs wracking your body.

How am I supposed to show my face in the apartment after that?

Chapter Text

After Dan stormed out, you tried to calm down, hands wrapped tightly around the mug and muscles so taut there was no room for them to tremble. You knew Dan had a passionate personality, but this was too much even for your understanding one.

And then, as if somebody flicked a switch, everything stopped. You welcomed the feeling of detachment with open arms. Having a break down in a public place wasn't something you'd like reminiscent late at night. You finished your coffee, head filled with the noises of the coffee shop only.

Walking down the street you realised you still didn't want to come back. You shuddered at the mere thought. If only there was a way to avoid it... or erase this whole situation... Instead of taking the underground, you decided to go on foot. Nothing helped you calm down better than a simple walk.

Even though you knew it'd be better to use this precious time to mull things over, your brain wasn't having any of it. Your head was as numb as it was in a coffee shop. You were walking around the newly-discovered park you didn't even know was there, when the buzzing in your purse caught you off guard. You involuntarily reached for the phone, checking if one of your co-workers needed anything.

You stopped dead in your tracks, watching the caller's ID with wide eyes.

It was Dan.

And he didn't just send you a message. He was actually calling you.

There was no way in hell you were going to answer that. You chucked the phone back into the purse and breathed deeply.

But the buzzing wouldn't stop. You stubbornly marched forward, pretending it didn't bother you. After a couple of minutes you were too shook-up and decided to turn the device off. Dan left a couple of messages... and there was something from Phil. You hesitated, thumb hovering over the notifications.

Are you really that desperate?, Dan's words rang in your head and you barely managed to stifle a whimper. Biting on your lower lip, you ignored them both.

The screen turned black.

When you climbed the stairs to your apartment and carefully opened the door, you hoped you wouldn't be bothered by anybody. However, whatever entity was watching over you must've went on one hell of a break, because as soon as you took off your jacket and shoes you heard this:

“Y/N! You're back! We were worried sick! You didn't answer your phone!”

Phil was standing in front of you, watching you intently.

“It died”, you lied and squeezed past him.

Without looking up you hurried to your room in order to change into something more comfortable than jeans. You breathed a sigh of relief when you noticed it was empty. You sat on your bed, back to the entrance. After a moment, you changed into leggings and grabbed a longer olive jumper.

“Oh my God, I am so sorry..!”

You looked over your shoulder with a frown, only to notice Phil standing next to the entrance and covering his eyes. You were too emotionally drained to get flustered by that. Besides, it's only your back, it's not like hadn't seen that before.

“What is it, Phil?”, you sighed, voice muffled by the jumper.

“How... how are you feeling?”, he asked quietly, stepping into the room.

“I'm fine”, you replied automatically, smoothing your clothes and reaching for your makeup remover wipes.

Phil sighed as you sat down at your desk, still avoiding looking at him.

Go away... please, you thought, barely keeping yourself from trembling.

“Dan told me what happened between you two”, he continued.

You froze. Your breath so shallow it was almost nonexistent.

“Then why are you bothering me?”, you hissed more forcefully than you intended and started wiping the other eye just for the sake of keeping your hands busy.

“I... I was... worried”, he stammered.

“There is nothing to worry about.”

“Don't talk about yourself like that, Y/N...”, he said softly.

You almost broke down at the tone of his voice alone.

Are you really that desperate?

Clenching your jaw, you felt yourself shrinking into the chair. You crossed your arms, head down low, glad that your hair was separating you from Phil.

“Do you have anything constructive to say, Philip, or are you planning on wasting the rest of my evening?”, you stated coldly, even though inside you were crumbling. You hated yourself more and more with every word that came out of your mouth.

If only you looked at him, you would've seen his eyes widening, corners of his lips turning down.

“I'm sorry”, he whispered and as quietly as he could shuffled out of the room, closing the door behind him.

Only after you heard the soft click, you hunched over your desk, tears flowing freely and wetting your palms. There was not enough strength left in you to keep completely quiet. Little sobs and whimpers that managed to escape your trembling lips filled the room.

Yeah, because getting hostile instead of dealing with your feelings is so fucking healthy... So damn clever, Y/N, you thought angrily, tugging at your hair. You fucking idiot.

Chapter Text

The consecutive days passed in a silent blurr. You couldn’t even bring yourself to look up, walking around the apartment like a zombie with head down low all the time. You passed each other by like strangers on a street. Only, under all of this numbness, it felt so much worse. Dan was your friend… and you missed him dearly.

You curled up on the sofa in the living room. Something was playing on the TV providing you with soft background noise. Dan was busy recording a video. You didn’t know whether to be jealous of his ability to function properly, or just angry because he seemed so unbothered by the whole situation. You felt your lip tremble and you bit on it, tightening your hands around your favourite mug. 

“Hey, Y/N… How are you?”

You sighed, hearing Phil’s voice. You’ve been doing it quite a lot recently. Every time he saw you he’d ask the same question and you’d answer with: 

“I’m fine.”

At this point not even surprised how easily the lie slipped past your lips. Usually Phil backed away. Seems like today this won’t be the case. He sat next to you on the sofa, wringing his fingers. You shot him a quick glance. 

“No, you’re not.”

“And what do you know!”, you snapped at him, pent up frustration showing its ugly head. “I’m sorry…”, you whispered looking down at your lap. 

“I talked to Janice…”, he started slowly and you took a sip of your lukewarm coffee, trying to hide the shudder that ran down your spine. “You know… about this whole situation.”

You hastily put down the mug on the floor and got up. You didn’t know where to, but you needed to escape. As far away from there as possible. You felt a firm but gentle hand wrapping around your wrist. You gave out a startled whimper, looking at him with wide eyes. 

“Please, don’t run away.”

“Phil…” 

“It’s all my fault, I’m sorry”, he blurted out, pulling you down.

“What… what do you mean?”, you asked, voice barely above the whisper. 

“I’ve already talked with Dan… he’s really sorry for what he said, believe me, he really is… he wouldn’t tell me what he said, though… but he was angry… and you know how emotional he can get… sometimes he just says things without thinking… and it’s all my fault… Janice made it as clear as a day… she’s so scary when she gets angry… and I’m sorry… I thought it would work… but instead I messed it all up… it wasn’t supposed to turn out like that.”

Phil spoke seemingly on one breath as if afraid that you’d flee at any given moment. Which you would have. But he was still holding your wrist. You let out a shaky breath.

“Phil…”, you started, putting his hand on his thigh, still avoiding his eyes. “You just flooded me with this sea of words and I still have no idea… what... what are you trying to say?”

He was silent. You sighed again shaking your head. This was a waste of time. You readied yourself to get up when Phil muttered something under his breath.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t hear you properly.”

“Dan was angry because I stood the both of you out on our coffee dates, right?”, Phil began quietly.

Among other things, you thought, but only nodded, encouraging him to continue.

“Well…”, Phil cleared his throat, shifting in his seat. “I did that because I wanted you to hook up… and stuff…”, he whispered.

“What?”

You looked up at him wide-eyed, only now noticing a slight blush on his cheeks. Your hands tightened around the mug as you tried to wrap your head around this new piece of information. Surprise doesn’t even begin to cover how you felt at that moment.

“I thought that if you got to spend some time together… you know, outside the apartment… you’d end up dating each other…”, he admitted. 

You blinked. You felt something bubbling inside your chest and when you opened your mouth you realised that the noise you just let out was a laughter. You were almost doubling over, face hidden behind your hands. Phil sat closer to the edge of the sofa, at loss. When you calmed down and gathered enough courage to look at him, your eyes were glistening from unshed tears.

What a trainwreck of a situation, you thought tiredly, taking a sip from your mug. The coffee was already cold and you scrunched at the taste.

Your legs protested when you stood up abruptly. You knew that sooner all later you'd have to address the whole situation. However now you couldn't help but feel like an observer. All of the emotions muted, hidden behind some thick fog, as if the situation didn't concern you at all.

You turned to Phil, chuckling at his bewildered expression, and went to the kitchen, deciding to fix yourself another cup of coffee.

“What the hell was that, Y/N?”, Phil's fierce voice startled you, making you almost spill sugar on the counter. “Don't walk out on me like that! We were in the middle of a conversation!”

“About feelings. In the middle of the day”, you added even though it was nearing 7pm. “I don't talk about feelings until at least 11pm. I thought you knew me better than that, Phil”, you mocked without the usual snark. You turned you head to the side, unable to maintain an eyecontact.

“Stop joking around”, he stated. “I'm not backing away this time, Y/N.”

You propped yourself on the counter, hands balling into fists as you tried to even out your breathing.

“Then what the fuck do you want from me, Phil, huh?! You said everything there was to say. You apologised. I acknowledge that. What else could you possibly want?”

“I want to know that you're okay.”

“Do I look okay to you?”

“No, not really...”, he admitted quietly. “But I'm sorry...”

“For what? Being a crappy match-maker? You're not the first one and you certainly won't be the last”, you responded. “But may I ask you a question, Phil?”, you asked after a long silence.

“Anything”, he nodded eagerly, standing next to you.

“Dan and I? In a relationship? Seriously?”, you mocked with the ghost of a genuine smile playing around the corners of your lips.

He shrugged helplessly.

“I thought you'd be cute... we could all go on a double dates together.”

“Janice was right... you do watch too much soap operas”, you shook your head, pouring boiling hot water into the mug. “You really didn't think this through though... That'd be a disaster.” Phil cocked his head to the side. “What if our existential crisis cycles synced up? What would you do then? The corridor would be impossible to go through.”

“I could always stack you”, he responded with a grin that always managed to warm up your insides. It really should be illegal.

“Whatever shakes your boat, Philly.”

“Are we okay then? You're not mad at me?”, he asked, tailing you back to the living room.

I could never be mad at you, you though with fondness, trying not to think too much about Dan's words and not facepalm at the cheesiness of your thoughts. You sat down in front of TV, intently watching the screen.

“No”, you whispered, avoiding his gaze.

“What about Dan?”

“It's a bit more complicated than that...”

“Y/N... what did he say?”, Phil asked carefully, voice uncharacteristically hushed.

You didn't open your mouth, choosing to shake your head. He still looked as if he wanted to say something, but he seemed to change his mind.

“You don't wanna tell me... fine... but will you forgive him? Will you two be okay?”

“That's not a conversation I should have with you, shouldn't I? Let me have some secrets”, you teased weakly, trying to evade the subject. However Phil wasn't to be easily swayed.

“But I need to know if my two best friends are going to be all right”, he continued stubbornly, piercing blue eyes staring into your profile.

You could only sigh deeply. It was nearly impossible to answer this question, especially while not knowing the answer yourself.

Chapter Text

You wanted everything to be all right. You really did. But you were also a stubborn coward. So there was that.

The desk surface was cool against your cheek and you sighed softly. Even the Internet couldn't provide you with a proper distraction, mind still circling back to your talk with Phil from two days ago. You also managed to devise a new mantra. Repeating “Everything is fine” over and over again kinda worked, considering that you didn't even flinch when Dan entered your bedroom and started rummaging through his things.

You breathed evenly, mind pleasantly blank, when you heard a footsteps approaching.

“Oh, hi, Y/N~!”, Janice chirped and waved at you, stopping in the doorway.

You frowned. Something didn't seem right. And you weren't the only one who thought so. Dan's rustling died out when Janice grabbed the doorknob with a grin far from innocent and swiftly slammed the door shut.

That made you sit up straight. Dan and you exchanged confused glances.

“Janice... what are you doing?”, you heard Phil's muffled voice from the other side.

“Wrapping things up”, she announced and turned the key.

You blinked a couple of times before your brain registered what was happening. Your heart wanted to leap out of your chest and you didn't even dare to look over your shoulder at Dan who seemed glued to his spot. You walked up to the closed door.

“I'm done with this gloomy atmosphere every time I come around.”

“But, baby... aren't you being a little too harsh.”

“Yeah, exactly, Janice, baby... open up”, you whined, rattling the knob. Dan was the last person you wanted to be alone in the room with. It was late and you were perfectly fine with ignoring the issue for a couple more days. “Come on, don't be like that. Listen to your boyfriend's great idea.”

“My boyfriend's last great idea got you into this mess”, Janice huffed and you involuntarily stepped away a little. She was even smaller than you, but you'd be lying if you said she didn't intimidate you. “I won't let you out until you talk things through.”

You let out a shaky breath, resting your back against the door. You hid your face in your arms, only hearing Dan sitting down on his bed. Seemed like you were the only one desperate to get out. You heard Phil's muffled voice, but you couldn't distinguish any words.

“No, Phil. You act as if you've never met them...”, Janice's voice also drifted away and you breathed deeply.

One last try.

“Come on, Janice... I need to go to the bathroom...”, the only response you got was an irritated scoff. “Otherwise it's gonna be a bloodbath.”

“Lying is a nasty habit, Y/N”, she replied condescendingly and you mumbled curses under your nose. “Let's go, Phil. The hot chocolate isn't going to drink itself”, she announced and then there was silence.

You grabbed the doorknob, giving it an experimental jiggle, hoping that Janice was only bluffing, but the door still didn't budge. Setting your lips in a thin line and actively avoiding looking at Dan, you made your way to your computer.

Might as well go to sleep, you thought, seeing as it was almost 1 am.

“Well then... No wonder Janice was so adamant about seeing my copy of Zac Efron Annual 2009”, he said.

Despite yourself you chuckled, throwing him a sideways glance

“Do you really have that?” you teased, tidying up your desk.

“Of course I do. And I have it recorded for all the world to see”, he finished with a grin.

You worried your lip, trying to cover up a smile that bloomed on your face. After a deep breath you turned off the desk lamp and the bedroom became dark. Without any additional words you slid under the covers and wrapping your arms around the soft pillow.

“So…”, Dan started slowly, sitting at the head of his bed. “Wanna talk?” 

You curled up tighter around the pillow, back turned to him. 

“No, not really…”, you mumbled, shaking your head a little. 

“We can’t pretend nothing’s happened forever, Y/N.” 

“Fucking watch me”, you half-whispered, but there was no serious bit to it. His weak chuckle took you by surprise. 

The silence stretched between you. You figured you could survive a night like that. Janice would have to let you out in the morning eventually. You could easily pretend that Everything. Is. Fine”. 

You groaned softly. 

Who were you kidding, you were an awful actor. 

“You okay over there?”, Dan’s voice reached your ears and you mumbled noncommittally. 

The silence was overwhelming and you felt yourself cracking under the pressure you were sure you only imagined. The tears streaming across your face and wetting the pillow still took you by surprise.

Oh, nononononono...!, you thought in panic, wiping your face with the duvet. It was getting harder to breathe quietly, laying on the side, nose getting more stuffed with each second.

„Y/N...”, Dan said softly, when your sniffling became more audible.

You felt the mattress on your bed dipping behind you from added weight. You tried to calm yourself, breathing through your mouth, with no result.

Dan put his hand on your shoulder, but you flinched, curling into even tighter fetal position.

„You were right, you know”, you choked out. „I was kinda lenient when it came to Phil... I knew that but I didn't want to see it...”

„No, it's okay, Y/N... I-I didn't mean it like that...”

“Don't start lying to me now, Dan”, you scoffed.

However, you let him crawl under your covers. He wrapped an arm around your waist and pulled you closed to his chest.

“I wish I had been more considerate...”, he admitted, sighing into your hair.

“I guess it's good you weren't...”, you scooting up a little bit closer to the warmth he emitted. “Otherwise I would never confront this... thing..? Issue..?”

“You're not exactly a hint taker, are you?”, he teased, and you slapped the arm strewn across your waist weakly.

“Shut up, Howell. And get out of my bed.”

All was better now. Dan made no move indicating the he'd be leaving any time soon and you felt yourself relaxing slightly. Darkness in the room not that heavy. The silence not so nerve-racking.

“Have you ever thought of me in that way?”, you asked, genuinely curious.

“What way?”

“Like... in a romantic way.”

“Oh~! Is that a confession I'm gonna hear next?”

You couldn't help but roll your eyes. Even though you still had your back to him you were certain he was grinning.

“No, not really”, he answered with a clumsy shrug. “You've been friendzoned since the very beginning.”

“Awesome”, you announced with a wide smile that you hid in your pillow.

“Besides”, Dan continued in a conversational tone of voice. “What if our existential crisis' occurred simultaneously?”

“I know, right?!”, you chuckled, turning around to face him. “I asked him the same thing! Did he tell you about his brilliant solution?”, he shook his head, small smile tugging at the corner of his lips. “He said he'd stack us somewhere out of the way.”

You and Dan giggled quietly, still cuddled up in your bed. Soon after you started chatting until you both got drowsy.

“So... we're okay now?”, you heard Dan whisper.

“Yeah... Everything is fine”, you whispered back.

Chapter Text

The worst thing about waking up was... well, everything. You stubbornly kept your eyes closed, chasing after the remnants of sleep that was slipping away. Being curled on your side, you scooted closer to the source of warmth behind your back, hoping it would somehow help. You sighed in contentment when the warmth wrapped itself around your backside and across your waist.

Wait, what?, you thought, suddenly tense. You craned your neck, muscles protesting at such rough treatment first thing in the morning, and tried your best to process whatever it was that you were trying to focus your eyes on.

You've got to be kidding me, you squinted (hopefully menacingly) at Dan, who responded with an almost equally sleepy grin. However, he seemed awake enough to be a little shit, as he propped his head on his free hand and looked down at you.

"Morning, sunshine~"

"Oh, for fuck's sake...", you grumbled, turning away and plopping down heavily on your pillow. "Get the fuck out of my bed, Howell..."

"Babe, why are you being so cranky in the morning?", he asked, pulling you closer to him. The mocking parody of concern hard to miss.

"Fuck you."

"So eloquent."

You whined dramatically, still too sleepy to come up with some snarky retort. Unwilling to face the reality just yet, you let yourself float in this weird state between dream and full consciousness. Some muffled noises coming from down the hall only lulled you further into this fuzzy space.

You didn't even notice when Dan made himself scarce, as you buried yourself further into the warmth your bed sheets provided. However this blissful state didn't last long, as your friend's shrill voice laced with frustration shook the apartment... probably even the entire building.

"PHILIP MICHAEL LESTER!!!"

Damn, can this boy scream, you thought, sitting up in your bed, resting your back against the bed frame, as you rubbed away the sleep from your eyes. Shortly after that there was loud stomping and low laugh getting closer and closer, until finally the door swung open.

The Dark Prince™ has arrived - huffing and puffing - Phil right on his heels, blue eyes sparkling, tongue poking from between his teeth as he grinned, far from apologetic.

"Have you seen what this idiot did?!", he wailed, throwing a death glare at his friend.

A phone was pushed in your face and you grabbed it with an irritated frown.

"Oh...", you sighed, blinking slowly a couple of times and taking in the image before you.

It was an instagram post on Phil's account. Well, to be more precise, it was a photo of you and Dan from this morning laying in bed, still sound asleep. Dan was on his back, one arm under his head, the other kinda framing your curled body pressed into his side. Dan's curls took over his head. You had your hands made into loose fists, resting in front of your face, not obstructing the view of your calm expression and slightly parted lips.

The caption read: What happens when two existentialists collide? #mysterysolved #blessed #softmorningaesthetic

The post wasn't even up for one hour and it had over 100k likes already.

"Oh?! That's all you have to say?", Dan insisted, crossing his arms.

You closed the app (not before liking the photo) and handed Dan his phone. You breathed deeply, getting out of bed. You looked at Phil who shifted his weight from foot to foot, smile dimming slightly.

"#blessed, Phil? Seriously?", you raised both eyebrows, smirk tugging the corner of your lips up. "Did uptown funk you up?"

There was a beat of silence and then the air filled with Phil's laugh and Dan's agonising and very much exaggerated whining.

"OH MY GOD, Y/N?! THAT WAS FUCKING AWFUL!! You so deserve each other!! I'm out of here!! I need to pour bleach into my ears!", he yelled, flailing his arms.

You looked after Dan, crossing your arms and grinning fondly.

It's so much fun to annoy him, you thought, giggling quietly.

"You're not angry about the photo?", Phil asked, his voice somewhat hushed.

"Well", you announced, turning around to face him, "the caption and tags are disastrous.. but I guess it's a decent photo", you said, patting his arm. "At least you can't see me drooling onto my pillow from that angle."

A few days later the inspiration struck and you decided to cook dinner from scratch. As you took over the kitchen, Dan was upstairs recording or editing his video (he's been at it for a couple of hours now) and Phil was watching something random on TV that managed to catch his eye.

You hummed your favourite tune, keeping your phone on the counter within an arm-reach. Phil's post had some interesting repercussions. When the notification sound went off, your grabbed the device and after a short scoff, typed out a reply.

That's how Phil found you when he entered the kitchen.

"You've been on and off your phone for over an hour now, Y/N...", you looked over your shoulder just to see him sit at the kitchen isle. "What are you up to?", he asked curiously.

You stirred the mix of spinach and sour cream, making sure it wasn't burning the pot and turned to him with a raised eyebrow.

"I'm having sex", you announced.

Phil blinked at you owlishly.

"Do you... sh-should I leave...?", he stuttered.

"No, don't worry about it", you laughed and turned to the cooker. You stirred the boiling pasta and then scooped some of the spinach onto the spoon, blowing on it gently. "Come, try it. Do you think I need to add more garlic?"

As Phil walked up and took the spoon from you. You grabbed your phone with a small yawn. He observed you with his head tilted to the side. After a short moment a smirk appeared on his face.

"Wow, you sure do look excited", he teased after swallowing his bite.

"Yeah, I'm tingling all over", you replied monotonously. "Tastes good?"

Phil nodded, trying to fish some more out of the pot, but you playfully slapped his hands away.

"So... what's that all about?", he asked, pouting, as you checked on a pasta.

"Well... you already know the short version..."

"Oh yeah, it explains so much... but I just thought sex would involve having less clothes on and would be happening in a more private setting..."

God dammit, Phil, you cursed him silently, biting on you lower lip. Just when you thought you've got everything under control and over with, he says stuff like that. You could only hope your blush wasn't as obvious as it felt.

"I'm kinkshaming you, Phil", you teased weakly, avoiding his amused gaze. "So... you know how you took a photo of me and Dan sleeping together..."

"You make me sound like a creep", he deadpanned and you could only smirk in response.

"I did not say that, just so we're clear. Anyway, after that I got more than a couple of DMs", you turned around, stirring the spinach and adjusting the heat. "Some more tasteful than others... And you know I don't usually answer to those..."

You fell silent to type a message on the phone.

"This fucker...", you gritted through your teeth, frowning angrily at the screen. "Leaving without making sure the girl cums too... asshole..."

Phil coughed awkwardly, thus turning your attention back to him.

"Anyway~!", you clapped your hands with a cheerful grin. "Some guy left a message telling me how much of real man he is... that he's gonna rock my world... unlike this - his words not mine - British twink with leftover perm, who clearly doesn't know how to use his hands properly while sharing a bed with a beauty such as myself, and so on", you waved your hand dismissively, turning off the cooker.

Phil looked at you with puzzled expression, as if he was seeing you for the first time. The phone was innocently laying on the counter, as you strained the pasta.

"So... do you like the guy...?", he asked, shifting in his seat.

"Phil! I don't even know him!", you exclaimed, propping a hand on your hip and rolling your eyes. "Besides", you continued, taking out the plates from the cupboard, "not even a couple of words in and he managed to piss me off by dissing my friend... so what a clueless gal like me can do other than enjoy the power she has over this horny, far from charming, little boy", you finished with an innocent pout, looking at him from under your lashes. "Well, how much are you gonna eat?"

Chapter Text

The frequency of DMs on your instagram decreased as the days passed until it finally died down. You welcomed it with a sigh of relief. Even though you turned off the notifications on your phone, the red number in the right top corner after you opened the app was not something you appreciated.

Currently you were at work, fidgeting in your seat and counting down the minutes to your freedom. You and the boys finally managed to agree on a date to meet at your favourite café which you visited very often even on your own. With only five minutes left you deemed it safe enough for you to get ready to leave.

Turns out five minutes and one person are enough to make somebody want to commit a felony.

Especially when that somebody happened to be at work.

Just when you were putting on your coat, your boss showed up and told you to stay longer to relay some documents for the next shift or something.You might have stopped listening shortly after she opened her mouth.

You glared at her retreating back when you watched her already talking on the phone with somebody and heard her saying something about being in a hurry for her beautician appointment. You wished you had your spiky rubber ball to squeeze because just breathing deeply wasn't cutting it.

As soon as she disappeared from your line of sight, you sat back down with a huff, throwing the papers on the desk with more force than necessary. You crossed your arms in a very mature manner, keeping a menacing frown on your face for a minute longer. Refusing to take your coat off, you whipped out the phone from the backpack.

To: Dan; Phil
imma be late... my boss is being herself today
istg she wants me to mrdr her
ლ(¯ロ¯"ლ)

From: Dan
plz, u wouldn't even hurt a fly

To: Dan
I would.
don't underestimate me ( ` ω ´ )

From: Phil
dw, we've only just left. Raincheck? ☔

To: Phil
you gonna take away the only thing that kept me sane throughout this week..?
you're a cruel man, Mr Lester -_-

From: Phil
ofc not
................
Honey Boo
:3c

You refused to blush. That son of a... lovely woman..!!!!!

To: Phil
don't call me that!!!! ( `3´ )
You caught me watching Toddlers&Tiaras once...
ONCE!!!!!
and it was only when I was flipping through the channels..!!
and..!!!!
and..!!

From: Phil
and what a glorious moment that was :D

It was one time, dammit!!, you whined silently, hiding your face in your hands. Even though weeks have passed since that incident, your heart was pounding in your chest with the same intensity as it had been back then. The way you scurried for the remote had Phil laughing at the mere sight of you for days.

That bastard!

To: Phil
fuck you, Lester!

Not your most eloquent comeback, obviously. But you had troubles coming up with something more creative. However nothing could've prepared you for his quick reply.

From: Phil
u wish

You could only gape at your phone. Here you thought you were dealing with your silly crush well enough. The emotions were splendidly laying low, being accepted and everything. Healthy stuff, right? But then something like that happens and it still manages to shake you up. Although you got better at withstanding it.

From: Dan
Stop flirting, you fucking idiots! We'll wait for you at the coffee shop, Y/N.

To: Dan
Ugh, you let us have no fun, Dad! ｡゜(｀Д´)゜｡
(yes, that typo was intentional)
I'll meet you there. See ya soon~! (*´♡`*)

You sighed deeply, glancing at the clock - the unpleasant reminder of your prolonged stay. There was still over 20 minutes left. You shrugged, figuring a round or two of Solitaire couldn't hurt, but more often than not your eyes drifted towards the entrance.

Another ten minutes have passed and you almost bolted from your seat, when you noticed the person from next shift walking in. However, you still managed to be civil enough to cross out the small talk from the list of civil things people do with their co-workers, handed in the documents, and hastily left the building.

You took out your phone to check the time again and noticed the sluggish blink of the notification light.

From: Phil
Dan yelled at me... :c

You shook your head, smiling the entire time on your way to the nearest underground station.

“Good afternoon”, you breathed out, stepping into the welcoming warmth only a coffee shop could provide. You run fingers through your hair in a vain effort to tame them a little.

“Good afternoon”, greeted a dark haired girl from behind the cash register. “Large caramel latte?”, she asked with a friendly smile.

You blinked owlishly at her, for a fraction of second confused as to why would she ask you for a coffee. She was the barista there, not you. Unless the reality altered sometime when you were on your way here and you didn't notice. You opened and closed your mouth but nothing came out.

“Extra espresso shot?”, she asked with a giggle, tucking a stray strand of dark hair behind her ear.

The blood rushed to your face so quickly, you wished you could've blamed it on a sunburn or something like that. No such luck at the beginning of December though.

“Yes, please...”, you mumbled, avoiding her bright eyes.

“Coming right up.”

You paid for your drink, hands shaking so much you almost dropped the change, still beyond flustered as you moved along the counter. Looking around the place you were surprised to find it fairly quiet, considering it was lunch time. It didn't take long for you to find Dan and Phil. They chose a round table with three plush chairs in the corner next to the big window that overlooked the busy street and the park on the other side.

Dan was focused on his phone, while Phil seemed to be looking directly at you. You offered a timid wave and then a smile when his stare lost its intensity. He turned to Dan, probably telling him about your arrival.

You jumped in your spot when you heard the barista's voice calling out your order way closer than you expected. You thanked her, trying not to stumble over your words too much and wrapped your hands around the mug. You risked a glance at her one more time from the corner of your eyes. You were convinced you must have imagined the wink she threw at you as she walked back to the coffee machine.

“You're late”, Dan said, the moment you shed your coat and sat in the only free chair.

“Don't sound so smug about it”, you pouted. “It's not like I didn't warn you.”

“But still”, he grinned.

You kept your indifferent expression for a couple of seconds before breaking into a fit of giggles.

“Fine, you can have that one”, you said, rolling your eyes.

For a moment the three of you sat in a companionable silence. You sighed deeply taking a sip of your coffee.

“So... did you get her number?”

You choked on your saliva, turning big eyes to Phil who asked the question with a polite smile.

“What are you on about?”

“You know... the barista girl.”

You didn't know.

“Ooohhh~! Gossip~!”, Dan said with an excited grin, bouncing in his chair. You couldn't help but frown at him. “What did I miss?”

“Nothing!”, you hissed, but Phil was already dramatically re-telling the story of your earlier embarrassment. When Phil pointed out the barista, Dan only turned to you with a raised eyebrow as if saying: really? You pouted, hiding behind the mug.

“She was just being nice. That's her job.”

“Well, I don't remember her being this nice to me”, Dan replied.

“That's because you're a noodle. And I already told you she wasn't..!”, you huffed in exasperation. “How about you start gossiping about something other than my nonexistent love life, girls, hm?”

“You wound me, Y/N”, Dan sighed, reclining in the chair with a flourish and clutching his chest, while Phil laughed at your antics.

You only squinted at him, hoping it looked menacing enough.

(It didn't.)

“So... Gamingmas, huh?”, you started nonchalantly, looking out of the window.

“Smooth transition.”

“Why thank you, Philip”, you said, tipping your imaginary hat to him. “I'm known for those.”

“I think we're doing fairly well”, Dan said proudly, taking a sip of his coffee.

“Yeah, tell me that after you run out of the pre-recorded stuff.”

“Shush~!”, Phil reached to put a hand to cover your lips, but you swatted it playfully away. “Don't give away the trade secret!”

“Is that one of you convoluted ways of telling us you don't believe we'll be able do it?”, Dan asked, putting his elbows on the table. His fingertips touching delicately creating something akin to a small pyramid in front of his face, helping to hide his teasing smile.

“I thought I was being pretty straightforward”, you replied, mirroring his action and leaning towards them with a smirk.

“Wanna bet, Honey Boo?”, Phil's eyes were twinkling when he asked this question.

“I told you to stop calling me that!”, you hissed, banging an open palm on the table. “Fine, you're on. Lester. Howell”, you scoffed, crossing your arms. “If I win, I get to request one thing of you. Within reason of course.”

“So if we win, do we get one request each?”

“Yeah, keep dreaming, Lester.”

“Fine”, Dan laughed. “We'll come up with something together.”

You shook his outstretched hand and then did the same with Phil. There was no way they're gonna make a year worth of videos in one month. You finished your coffee with a smirk and sparkling eyes. You could already taste the victory on the tip of your tongue. It tasted like caramel.

Chapter Text

Being around Janice recently was... challenging, to put it simply. To say that she was proud of wrapping up the drama between you and Dan, treating it as a personal achievement of sorts, would be an understatement of at least a decade. It rubbed off on you in the wrong way. Were you asked, you could've sworn it's been days since you've been able to have any kind of conversation without her mentioning the whole ordeal. All you wanted was to put it all behind and just forget it ever happening.

You weren't the only one. Dan shared that sentiment wholeheartedly. When her presence grew more than bothersome you caught yourself sneaking out of the room with more or less plausible excuse. Sometimes even joined by Dan.

If Phil took notice of your behaviour, he didn't comment on it. And to soothe your guilt you decided to pretend not to notice those glances he had been sending towards your retreating backs.

“Maybe I'll rewatch Kuroshitsuji...”, you mused quietly as you were sitting next to Dan on the sofa in the living room, both of you busy with your laptops.

“You could... if you wanted to get rid of your three remaining brain cells, that is...”, Dan muttered, shooting you a cheeky side glance. Apparently he wasn't as engrossed in editing the newest Gamingmas video as you suspected. He seemed to be set on winning that bet.

“I'm not having that conversation with you again, Howell.”

“This anime is trash, Y/N... at least watch something more worthwhile...”

“Well then get out of my dumpster”, you pouted.

He only rolled his eyes at you with a smirk.

“You only like it because this Michaelis guy is hot.”

Admittedly, this made your face heat up a little. Dan wasn't good at hiding his victorious chuckle.

“I have my needs, okay~!”, you whined. “Besides, have you heard his voice?!”, you added, clutching the front of your jumper and leaning back with a dramatic huff.

“I'm not having that conversation with you again, Y/L/N”, he deadpanned and you couldn't help but laugh at him.

A comfortable silence fell between you, as you got back to your laptops. After a minute though a cheeky grin bloomed on your face and without turning to Dan you said:

“So you're saying he's hot..?”

That only earned you a pained groan and a playful shove on the shoulder.

“Owww~! It hurts~! It hurts so baaaaaaad~!”, you exclaimed with a big grin, turning back to your laptop.

After a moment of silence both of you began to laugh quietly, shoulders shaking and bumping against each other.

“Are you two fighting again?”

You froze and repeated to yourself silently that you liked Janice despite her condescending tone she used just now. But you weren't sure how much truth this sentence held anymore.

The smile slowly vanished from your face, as you shifted uncomfortably in your seat and shook your head. Dan didn't even bother to acknowledge her entrance. His excuse: big headphones. But you could see the displeased scowl marring his forehead.

“Do we need to lock you two up in a room again?”, she continued, unaware of the shift in the atmosphere she was causing.

You managed to let out a forced laugh, throwing a glance in her direction, but not really looking at her. If this was going to continue, you're going to chew off your lower lip.

“That's enough, Janice.”

This time both you and Dan raised your heads from the laptops to look at Phil. He appeared behind Janice, putting a hand on her shoulder. His voice was as cold as his eyes when he looked down at her.

“It was just a joke, honey”, she replied with a small shrug, blinking slowly.

He hates that pet name, you thought absently, fingers fidgeting over the keyboard, but not landing any strokes.

“In a very poor taste”, he retorted, moving into the living room.

“What do you mean?”, she asked tilting her head to the side and smiled with a smile that looked as if she was baring her teeth at him.

The silence that followed was so heavy, you felt yourself suffocating. You hated witnessing people's fights. And Phil and Janice seemed to be arguing all the time recently. Deep down you knew that the impeding argument would be a messy one. You had no wish of participating in that disaster.

Dan didn't fare any better with eyebrows high on his forehead and unmoving eyes, his focus on editing nonexistent. However it seemed that his mouth-to-brain connection worked better than yours.

“Ah, Y/N”, he said, taking off his headphones. His voice sounded so normal, you couldn't help but be amazed and slightly jealous. “It's almost 8pm... you said you wanted to show me something... oh, hi, Janice”, he greeted the girl as if he'd only noticed her. Janice didn't even reply as she approached Phil sitting in a plastic chair at the table.

“Sh-show you something..?”, you repeated, tongue feeling like a block of lead in your mouth.

“Yeah, that thing you were talking about the other day”, he looked at you intensely, standing up and tugging on your arm.

Phil and Janice were ignoring your antics, solely focused on themselves. You felt like the quiet tension between them was on a verge of snapping. You doubted they would've noticed you simply dropping the act and just walking out of the room.

“Oh, that thing!”, you replied, even though you still had no idea what Dan was talking about. You figured it was better to focus on that than on the tension around the pair. “Yeah, sure. Lead the way.”

You hastily gathered your things and walked after Dan.

That was over two hours ago.

Now you've been cursing the huge mug of coffee you drank beforehand that had you hovering near the bedroom door for the last minute or so.

“What are you doing?”, Dan asked, shutting his laptop and looking at you with a frown.

“I need to go to the bathroom”, you muttered, leaning closer to the door.

“Well then just go.”

“I can't.”

“Why?”

“Because they might still be out there”, you said as if that explained everything.

“Okay, I'll bite... What does that have to do with anything?”, Dan offered you a puzzled expression, also walking up to the door.

“You know how I feel about emotional drama and whatnots. I want no part in that”, you added after his slow nod. “And you've seen how they were today... and yesterday... and last Sunday”, you started to reel off, looking at him pointedly.

“Yeah, you're right... What's up their butts recently?”

“How am I supposed to know”, you said but there was no real bite behind those words.

The two of you stood by the door in silence. You couldn't hear anything on the other side that'd indicate their presence.

“Maybe they went out...”, you mused, but didn't move any further.

Dan looked down at you with pity mixed with fond amusement.

“You're ridiculous”, he stated, rolling his eyes and stepping away a little. “You're paying the bills and shit... So you kinda own this place too, you know. You don't have to tip-toe around here just because of some petty lovers' quarrel”, Dan reasoned.

“Okay...”, you breathed, bobbing your head rapidly. “Yeah.. Okay... you're right... I'm just stupid... it's my place too...i signed stuff... mhm... okay, I'm going.”

“Good luck, baby~!”, Dan sang, patting your head.

“I'm not a baby!”, you huffed, swatting his hands away.

Before you rushed through the door, you turned around and stuck out your tongue at him. His response: a perfectly arched ironic eyebrow and sparkling dark eyes.

Your trip to the bathroom went unobstructed. However you felt your bravery withering as soon as you went on your way back. The silence around the apartment seemed eerie.

You decided to test your luck and ventured to the kitchen. There was food in the kitchen. And considering the emotional rollercoaster that you were subjected to this evening, you decided that you deserved some chocolate and maybe something more.

Humming to yourself, you turned on the lights... Only to yelp and jump in your spot, noticing Phil leaning on the counter, eyes closed due to sudden brightness, his expression pensive.

“Oh my God, Phil!”, you gasped, clutching the door frame. “You scared the living shit out of me!”, you added, risking a brief glance in his direction. “What are you doing standing here all alone in the dark?”

Phil didn't immediately reply. Instead he shuffled his weight from foot to foot and crossed his arms. His usually large blue eyes were slightly narrowed, lips set in a contemplative pout. You stood by the glass door motionless, careful to look anywhere but at him. But then Phil blinked and it suddenly was much warmer in the room.

“I forgot to turn on the lights”, he said airily with a big smile. “What are you up to, Y/N?”

“Just...”, you coughed, trying to find your voice again. Was your throat always that dry? Weird. “Just looking for some snacks... Where's Janice?”, you asked quietly, opening a cabinet and hiding behind it.

“Not here”, came the curt reply and the cold returned crawling up your spine.You moved the cereal boxes around only to make some noise to fill in the silence. “She went home. Had some family business to attend to”, he explained in a much softer voice. “Wanna take Dan's box? Looks quite full if you ask me”, he offered, wiggling his eyebrows. The playful grin was back in its place.

“I don't do that!”, you huffed, fighting off the blush. “Unlike some people”, you added, nudging him in the ribs with your elbow, when he stood closer to you. “Some angel you are, Lester”, you scoffed, stepping away from him with a teasing smile.

“Obviously”, Phil said confidently, puffing out his chest.

“Yeah, mhm... the Internet is full of lies...”, you nodded solemnly with a sigh.

“Oi!”, Phil outraged yell mixed with your boisterous laughter, as you held onto the counter to prevent yourself from falling over.

The series of unintelligible noises coming from Phil's mouth didn't help you in the slightest. But it wasn't long until Phil joined in with his low chuckle. It was easy to forget about Janice when you laughed like that together in the middle of the kitchen. And it became even easier when those bright eyes crinkled with mischief as he reached for Dan's cereal box.

"You're an evil person."

He only shrugged, filling his mouth with a big handful.

Chapter Text

You looked out through the kitchen window, sighing deeply and frowning at the black streets below. Not even a single snowflake in sight. The Christmas break was fast approaching but the weather certainly wasn’t any indicator of that. How were you supposed to get in the mood without at least that?

How troublesome, you thought, another sigh escaping your lips.

A minute later you finished preparing your tea, adding a little bit of honey. You smiled at the leaves, from between which peeked out little white stars. At least that gave your imagination something to work with. You grabbed the steaming mug and with a sway in your hips headed to the living room, humming your own rendition of Let is snow.

You heard Dan and Phil sitting on the sofa in the living room and cursing either at each other or at the screen… or maybe a little bit of both. Mario Kart could get very intense when they played at the same time.

“‘Sup,” you said, receiving two distracted grunts in return.

You rolled your eyes, watching the TV screen as you sipped on your drink. You plopped down on the plush chair, legs curled beneath you comfortably.

“So, Daniel, you’re going back home tomorrow?” Phil asked in a seemingly casual tone.

“Wait, what?!” You gasped, choking on your tea. “What?!!”

“Oh… I didn’t tell you?” Dan asked nonchalantly, pausing the game. The glint in his eyes far from innocent. You shook your head, gaping at them. “Yeah, I’m leaving earlier.”

“And why am I just hearing about this?! What about Gamingmas™ vids?” You asked concerned, hiding the beginnings of your smug smile behind the mug.

“That’s so sweet of you to worry, Y/N,” Dan said, clutching the front of his jumper. He even teared up a little. You squinted your eyes at that. “Yeah, we’ve got it covered,” he added, waving his hand indifferently.

“What do you mean by that?” You asked, but he only grinned in response. “Phil, what does he mean by that?!”

You turned to Phil to demand a proper answer, but as soon as your eyes landed on him, the cheeky curve of his lips was hard to miss.

“We just need to record the last Undertale video and all that’s left is the editing of the last three uploads,” Dan announced with pride you found very infuriating at that moment.

“And we’ve already thought up what you’re gonna do as a forfeit,” Phil added in a sing-songy voice, almost bouncing in his spot.

“I can’t believe you’re pulling this pre-recorded bullshit on me again!” You huffed, refusing to look at their smug faces.

I can’t believe caramel would lie to me like that, you bemoaned quietly. It wasn’t supposed to be the taste of defeat…

“That’s not fair. You can’t do that!” You pouted, crossing your arms.

“Why not?” They asked at the same time.

“It’s… It’s against the rules!” You exclaimed suddenly, startling even yourself in the process. You even managed to spill some tea onto your thighs. But that wasn’t important at the moment.

“Oh, really…” Dan drawled, raising his eyebrow, totally unperturbed by your argument. “You only said that the videos have to be uploaded on time. Nothing else was specified. Ergo, I don’t need to be present for that.”

Have you ever mentioned how fury-inducing it was when Dan’s lawyery side came out?

Yeah.

You despised the fucker.

“So you’re leaving Phil in charge of editing?” You gritted through clenched teeth. “That’s not fair!” You whined again, pointing an accusing finger at him. “He’s too good at this stuff!”

“Why, thank you,” Phil said with fake modesty, looking down on his controller.

“Shut up.”

They laughed and you continued pouting. Your tea tasting bitter on your tongue despite the generous amount of honey you had put in it. You sighed, watching them returning to their game. When you started to lean to the sides as the carts turned, you decided it was time to do something else with your time. Otherwise, you’ll end up swaying in this chair for the rest of the evening. Car racing was weirdly hypnotising.

“Don’t stay up too late wrecking strangers on the interwebs,” you said with a smirk, tousling their hair.

“Omg, go away, mum~!” Dan whined in his exaggerated angsty teenager voice.

“Ah, kids these days…” You sighed theatrically, leaving them alone to their own devices.

“Tone it down a little, will you?” Dan mused out loud with a smirk. “You’re gonna stare at me like that any longer, you’re gonna burn a hole through me.”

You huffed, pout growing in intensity. You fought really hard to mask the grin tugging at the corner of your lips. Dan didn’t even try. Soon after the both of you were giggling and you fell back limply onto your bed.

“Why aren’t you bothering Phil?” He asked, prodding your side playfully.

“He’s out,” you replied, squirming away. You barely held in your squeal. Dan raised his eyebrow. “Something about last minute Christmas shopping.”

Dan looked as doubtful as you felt, but you didn’t want to question Phil’s explanation.

“Maybe he’s buying something for our new video,” Dan proposed smoothly, dark eyes sparkling.

“Oh! You’re gonna film something with Phil?” You exclaimed with an exaggerated grin.

“Yeah~! And you’re gonna be there too~! Isn’t that exciting?” Dan added in the same tone, clapping his hands.

“Nooooo~! I don’t wanna~!” You whined, turning to lay on your belly. “You know I don’t photograph well… and now you wanna film me? What even are you going to do to me?”

“We’re bouncing a couple of ideas around,” Dan replied, putting a folded shirt into his small suitcase.

You stared at him, unimpressed.

“You have no idea what you wanna do,” you deadpanned.

“Shush! Don’t speak!” Dan said, putting a finger to your lips.

“I know just what you’re saying~!” you sang, laughing at his bewildered expression. “What? That’s how the song goes.”

“Of course it does,” Dan rolled his eyes and returned to packing.

You hummed the song for the rest of the evening.

Finally…, You thought, closing the front door of the apartment.

Your last day at work before the Christmas break was over. And you couldn’t be happier. Well, maybe you could, but overcome with exhaustion you weren’t able to muster up enough energy for that. You threw your coat in the general direction of a coat rack and zeroed in on a sofa in the living room. With no grace whatsoever you face planted into the cushions.

You were so glad you didn’t have to come back there until after the New Year’s. You sighed, eyelids fluttering shut. Dan was on his way home already, Phil nowhere in sight. You groaned, as your brain chose exactly this moment to remind you of the lost bet. Wriggling on the sofa to adjust your position, one leg still hanging loosely over the edge, you hid your face in your folded arms.

“Now, that can’t possibly be comfortable.”

Phil’s amused voice reached your ears. You turned your head to the side, cheek squished against the forearm, and let out a long zombie-esque groan. That didn’t deter him, as he decided to come up closer and sit down by your hip.

“What are you doing, Y/N?” He asked, blue eyes twinkling.

You only frowned, hopefully menacingly, in response to his grin. When that didn’t help, you nudged him with your knee, as you folded your free leg closer to your body.

“Ugh… what does it look like?” You mumbled.

“It looks like something a little disconcerting with a dash of your personal brand of weird.”

“You think you’re so funny with your big words…” You teased, squinting at him.

“I am exceptionally hilarious, aren’t I?” He laughed and you felt a small smile tugging at the corners of your lips.

“Dork.”

In the moment of silence that followed, the exhaustion of the long day caught up with you. You breathed deeply, dozing off, mind pleasantly blank.

When you woke up, you were alone, a fluffy blanket draped over your body. You snuggled into the warmth with a small yawn. You scrunched up your nose, feeling pins and needles taking over your arm. As you were growing more aware of your surroundings, you heard a muffled voice. After a couple of more seconds you were able to make out some words.

“But Janice…”

Your stomach twisted uncomfortably in the silence you became painfully aware of. You couldn’t recall the last time when Phil sounded so frustrated… and not in a fun way.

“Why won’t you listen to me?” He growled and you shuddered, hiding underneath the blanket, heart pounding painfully against the ribcage.

You curled on your side, willing your ears not to pick up further on the conversation that was clearly private. You reached for your phone, hoping Instagram would be enough of a distraction. Pretty pictures worked their wonders, but you started to get sleepy again. Another small yawn escaped your lips as you were laying on your side, arms stretched out, hanging over the edge.

“Y/N… You’re awake?” You heard Phil stopping in the doorway, his voice warm, you convinced yourself that you dreamt up the conversation from another room.

“I’m getting there…” You murmured, turning onto your back, shielding your eyes with the arm.

“Should I come back to you in an hour?”

“Phil~! Why are you being so mean to me first thing in the morning?” You whined with a pout.

“It’s 9pm, Y/N.”

“Still.” You fixed him with a glare as you raised up on your elbows. “What do you want?”

“Come with me to the office… I need your help,” Phil said.

“With what?”

You plopped down onto the pillows, breathing deeply. Everything was so fuzzy. This time you didn’t even bother to cover your yawn. Hearing Phil chuckle only made you turn onto your left side.

“With editing.”

“I’m not helping with my own demise, Phil,” you deadpanned.

“Come on, Y/N~!” He whined and you cursed yourself for your weak will. “I need to test the transitions and see if the video is even remotely entertaining. How am I supposed to do that on my own?”

You let out a long groan, smile tugging at the corner of your lips as you noticed him chuckling into his fist. You swung your legs over the edge and rubbed your eyes.

“Fine. But I’m stopping by the kitchen first.”

“Milk and two sugars for me~!” Phil sang, turning on his heel. “Thank you~!” He ran away before the pillow you threw at him with an outraged yell could reach the back of his head.

“Yeah, you run away, you coward!” You laughed, running a hand through your messy hair.

Making good on your promise, you wandered to the kitchen and turned the kettle on. When your eyes landed on the cupboard where cereal boxes were carefully hidden, you decided not to fight the wave of pettiness that overcame you. Considering that Phil’s box was almost empty, the revenge would be taken on Dan’s box… for leaving earlier without breathing a word of it to you, among other things.

The coffee was slowly brewing as you took another mouthful. It tasted surprisingly well. But just as you decided to test out how much you could fit in at once, Phil waltzed into the room.

“What’s taking you…”

You both froze, not daring to break eye contact. Your cheeks puffed out as your hand disappeared inside the box. The grin that bloomed on Phil’s face made yours heat up in an instant. You couldn’t remember the last time you felt embarrassment this great.

Well, there was this one time in high school when you were made to participate in French Song Singing Competition despite not speaking a word of it. Yeah, but you weren’t gonna think about that right now, seeing as almost miraculously Phil aimed his phone at you.

“Hey, stop that!” You yelled, throat hurting from swallowing so much food at once. You hastily casted the box away, turning your back on him. “You saw nothing!”

“Oh, this is the best day of my life~” You heard his cheery voice. You would have given a lot for an opportunity of the earth swallowing you whole right now. “Oh, come on, don’t be shy,” he said, walking up to you. Grumbling something under your breath, you ostentatiously turned away. “You’re one of us now.”

“I am not!” You denied weekly, trying to glare at him over your shoulder.

“Yes, you are~!” He crooned, snatching his coffee mug. He hummed in appreciation, taking a small sip. “One of us! One of us!” He chanted, his twinkling blue eyes taunting you and causing your blush to grow even hotter.

“No, you saw nothing! Go away!” You whined, pushing him out of the kitchen. You wished you could slam a door behind him but you doubted it would’ve helped to muffle his laughter. But at least it would’ve added to the overall effect.

Chapter Text

You stood by the door for a few more moments, weighing your options. Phil’s delighted cackle coming from upstairs didn’t make it any easier to focus. The damage has been done and you defiantly fed yourself another handful before returning the box to its original place.

Desperate times call for desperate measures… or something like that, you thought, leaving the kitchen with a displeased huff.

“You saw nothing,” you announced with all the authority you could muster, pushing the bag of mega marshmallows towards him.

Phil didn’t even look startled. Instead, he swivelled casually on his chair, one arm over the backrest, as he regarded you and your gift with the smallest hint of smile tugging at his lips.

“I thought we were out of those,” he chose to say, taking a delicate sip of his coffee.

“Well, you clearly thought wrong,” you replied, raising an eyebrow.

His exaggerated gasp had you rolling your eyes into another lifetime and back.

“I thought I found all of your hiding spots!” He whined. “Why do you and Dan keep hiding your sweets from me? And why are you better at this?” He added in an afterthought.

“Yeah, sure… because I’m the problem here.” You rolled your eyes with a small smirk. “Besides, I know that given the chance, you’d plow right through them.” You shook your head with a chuckle, making yourself comfortable on the second chair. “So? Do we have a deal?” You prompted, swaying in your chair.

“Oh, I don’t know…” He drawled and you couldn’t help but gawk at him. “It’s quite a juicy gossip you want me to keep quiet about…” He trailed off, groping the package with a thoughtful hum. You felt the incredulous laugh bubbling out of your throat without your permission.

The true form of evil sat in front of you.

And this one pack of mega marshmallows was not enough of an offering to appease him, it seemed.

“Phil~! Come on~!” You whined after a beat of silence as you tugged on the sleeve of his jumper, dignity in shreds and forgotten.

And of course, as a very responsible and mature adult, not trying to be manipulative or anything, you threw your best puppy eyes into the mix. Maybe all of the mirror practice would end up being useful somehow.

Hopefully you didn’t look as ridiculous as you felt.

The pleading look was swiftly replaced by a deep frown when you noticed Phil’s hand twitch in a half-aborted motion in the direction of his phone.

“Hey! No more incriminating pictures!”

“But you look so adorable, Y/N~!” He laughed, tongue peeking from between his teeth.

Talk about being adorable, you pouted, but silently preened at the compliment.

“I don’t care,” you scoffed haughtily, fighting off the warmth of your cheeks. “What I care about is whether or not it’s effective.”

Phil turned his attention back to the bag, small wrinkle appearing between his eyebrows. A perfect image of serious contemplation. Ruined only by an impish glint of his eyes, crinkled at the corners.

“Well? Is it?” You prompted, tapping your foot impatiently.

The bag crinkled as Phil tore it open to inspect the treat inside. He immediately put two in his mouth. You blinked slowly, watching him chew happily.

“Itsh shupeh mffective,” came his muffled reply. He swallowed heavily, already reaching for another one. “You have bought my silence.”

“Yasss!!” You exclaimed, spinning in your chair and throwing your arms in the air in victory.

“We shouldn’t have shown you that vine.” Phil shook his head, laughing at your vague sound of disagreement.

You swayed in your chair, squinting at the computer screen. The editing software was still opened but it looked like the video itself was in the process of saving. You smirked, noticing the title.

“Oh! You’ve finally finished Undertale? And wow! Look at how long it is! Like a year worth of uploads! I’m so proud,” you sniffed, wiping away the imaginary tear from the corner of your eye.

Phil didn’t look impressed.

“Now you’re just being plain mean while I'm being nice enough to forget stuff for you, Y/N” he pouted. “I demand a compensation. Or I’m gonna tell on you to Dan.”

“Nobody likes a tattletale, Philip,” you said in a playfully condescending tone, wagging your finger. You bit on your lip, barely keeping yourself from choking on the laughter bubbling in the back of your throat. “Okay. Okay!” You giggled, gripping his forearm with both of your hands and effectively preventing him from taking out his phone. “What do you want?”

You tilted your head to the side, waiting for his answer. Something changed in Phil’s face, as he looked between your face and hands, avoiding your imploring gaze. But before you could even start distinguishing what it was, the noise from the computer brought you back to the moment at hand.

“I might have an idea,” he announced with a cheeky grin that made you look at him apprehensively.

You stretched out your leg, tentatively tapping the foot around the area in front of you. Feeling no more stairs, you stopped on the flat ground and sighed. You craned your neck to look around the armful of pillows and blankets (because you refused to take more than one trip upstairs) and headed to the living room.

Shortly after you dumped it all next to the sofa bed, Phil joined you with two big bowls of popcorn and set them on the table. You crossed your arms when he fixed you with a playful stare.

“Why are you making me do the hardest job?” You whined, dropping dramatically to the floor and pulling out the underframe with an exaggerated grunt.

“Compensation, of course,” he replied. “Besides, you say as if making popcorn doesn’t require any skill at all,” Phil added over his shoulder on his way back to the kitchen.

“That’s because it doesn’t! You just put the thing in a microwave and press a button!” You called out after him, throwing pillow after pillow onto the bed that could now easily fit the both of you. His only response was a cheerful laugh.

You sighed with a fond smile playing in the corner of your mouth. It's been ages since the two of you could spend some one-on-one quality time together. And you would be lying if you said you weren't looking forward to it. Even if it happened at the expense of your dignity.

When Phil came back with some drinks, you took over one side of the sofa, snatching Dan’s faux fur blanket and rearranging pillows to your liking. Setting swiftly the tv, Phil took over the opposite side.

“Is the Viewer Zero ready?” He asked, pitching his voice low and turning to you with sparkling blue eyes.

You groaned, hiding your face in the soft blanket and slipping down the pillows.

“Ughhhhhhhhh… You make it sound as if you’re gonna infect me with something. Why are you like this?” You asked with fond exasperation.

“I like to call it my personal charm,” he said, flicking his fringe nonchalantly.

“Whatever,” you muttered, reaching for the popcorn. “Fire up the entertainment, Philly,” you grinned at him, hugging one of the pillows closer to your chest.

“Why still so mean,” he pouted, starting up the video.

Without any shame whatsoever, you were letting out soft cooing noises at a very embarrassed Phil. He tried with all his might to discreetly wipe his eyes with his sleeve, but that only made your smile grow bigger. He ignored you in favour of flipping through the channels, TV being the only source of light in the dark living room.

“Aww~! You guys are so adorable,” you chirped in delight, nesting against the armrest. “So brave, fighting down those tears.”

“And you’re heartless,” Phil grumbled, some random cooking programme playing in the background, as he took over the opposite side of the sofa. “Not even a single tear!”

“I’ve already cried my fair share over this story, believe me.” You waved your hand, sinking more into the covers. “When I watched it for the first time… almost a year ago,” you added, nudging his shin with your foot.

Phil’s mouth fell open as he gasped with mock offense, hand resting daintily on his chest. The sight of him too amusing and you let out a small chuckle.

“You cheated on us?!” This time you laughed out loud, throwing your head back. “I thought we were your favourite gaming youtubers! How could you! We have a DDR Pad in the background!” He pointed an accusatory finger at you, but the corner of his lips twitched upwards traitorously.

“Ah, you know how weak I am for those charming Irish lads,” you teased in a terrible attempt at Irish accent, wiggling your eyebrows. But that only resulted in popcorn being thrown at your face. “I don’t know if it’s the accent or those lovely baby blues,” you continued between giggles, shielding yourself from the vicious assault with the fluffy blanket. “Phil! Stop it! That’s not very top of the mornin’ of you,” you chided, glad that the blanket hid your obnoxiously large grin.

“That doesn’t even make any sense, Y/N!” He yelled, looking at you incredulously. “And it’s after midnight!”

“Oh, Phil… You do know time zones are a thing? There’s morning somewhere in the world.” You squealed after being hit square in the face by one of the smaller pillows.

“I swear sometimes you’re more of a smartass than Dan could ever be. What?” He asked, taking notice of your silence.

“You said ass,” you gasped dramatically, slapping both hands on your cheeks and looking at him with sparkling wide eyes.

“Oh, fuck you,” he teased back with an exaggerated Northern accent which only made you laugh harder in delight to the point of almost rolling on the bed. “I’m a grown ass man, I can say ass whenever I want,” he added with a pout that only managed to create the opposite effect.

“Of course you can,” you placated, nudging his shin.

As the giggles died down and most of the popcorn was plucked from between the blanket folds, you both sinked further into the pillows and turned your attention to the tv. Beside the occasional comment on Cupcake Wars, you didn't talk much. Soon you found yourself dozing off in the comfortable silence, eyelids growing heavier and heavier with each passing minute.

“Hey, Y/N, are you awake?” You heard Phil mumble in a subdued voice.

“I’m halfway there…” You replied, stifling a yawn. “Hmmmm~! Livin’ on a prayer~!” You hummed the rest of the line and laughed softly. “Hah, sorry… I had a little Bon Jovi moment… It needed to be released.”

You waited for his reaction, but the only response you got was an eerie silence. You frowned, hearing him shuffle on the opposite end of the sofa.

“Can I ask you something?”

Uh-oh. Now that was the question that could place very high on your list of questions you don’t like being asked. You didn’t feel like falling asleep anymore. Heart thudding in your chest as his distant voice only added to the growing uneasiness.

“I don’t know? Can you?” You teased weakly, looking to the side.

“Stop it, Y/N. I’m being serious,” he snapped.

You flinched in your spot, curling in on yourself.

“Sorry…” You mumbled, face heating up. You were grateful for the semi-darkness in the room at the moment. “What do you want to talk about?”

Phil breathed deeply, throwing an arm over his eyes.

“What do you think about Janice?” He asked and you couldn't help but gawk.

“What… what do you mean?” You stammered.

“It's a simple question, Y/N.”

“She's nice,” you replied vaguely.

Phil scoffed in annoyance, sitting up in his spot, legs crossed.

“Y/N, honestly, please.”

“Why are you even asking me that?” You grumbled with a deep frown, in a weak attempt at avoiding his question. You didn't expect this evening to turn out like this. And you liked it less and less with every passing minute.

“I know what you’re trying to do. Don't be difficult.”

“Fine. Jesus. Calm down. It's fucking Christmas,” you growled through gritted teeth, sitting up as well. You hid behind your legs bent in the knees, pulling them closer to your chest. “She's been weird lately, okay? Annoying and obnoxious. And I could barely stand being in the same room with her. Happy now?” You mocked, tightening your arms around your knees and avoiding his eyes.

“Not really…” He sighed heavily, running long fingers through his hair. You immediately felt bad for your outburst. “She wants to break up with me.”

You were acutely aware of every muscle string in your face as your mouth fell open.

“No.” The incredulous little noise escaped your lips before you could catch it.

“I think, Y/N, I know English well enough to comprehend the meaning of It’s not you, it’s me, Phil. We should go our separate ways.” Phil glared pointedly at you, making you wince.

“I’m… I’m sure if you two just talked it out with each other…” You stumbled over your words that felt like something straight out of some tacky relationship advice column in an equally tacky magazine. It was so dumb. You were a witness of them doing exactly that. Talking. Communicating. But the useless word vomit continued. “I bet it’s just a small bump in the road and…”

“She’s moving out to Australia in 10 days.”

“Will you stop dropping those bombs on me, Phil?” You shrieked after the beat of silence, almost throwing a pillow at him, the stressful atmosphere getting better of you.

What is even happening anymore… You thought tiredly, digging the heels of your wrists into your eyes.

You sighed deeply, blinking the colourful spots away. The silence enveloping you felt suffocating but you didn’t have enough courage to break it. There was also this ugly hiss at the back of your mind that whispered in cold satisfaction: Finally. You wished for this part of you to burn into nothingness. That wasn’t the person you wanted to be.

“Say something, Y/N…” Phil’s voice cut through the clutter of your thoughts.

"You do realise you're asking for advice a person with no prior experience whatsoever in this area of life?" You asked, unable to hide the scepticism in your voice. He only shrugged.

You inhaled shakily, wondering how their relationship could’ve gone so awry. They were so happy together. But now, after weeks of build-up, they break up…

“Wait,” you started, chewing on your lower lip. “Is Janice breaking up with you because she’s moving to the other side of the world? Or do you think there is another reason?”

“I know there is no other reason. She was very explicit about that.”

You couldn’t help but raise your eyebrows.

“But you could do long-distance, couldn’t you?” You asked, propping your chin on your knees.

Phil mimicked your stance, light from the TV screen only accentuating grey shadows underneath his dull eyes. You were upset that you’ve only noticed it now. I’m an awful friend, you thought.

“See? That’s obvious even for you,” Phil mumbled. “But you need both parties for that to work…” You hummed your agreement. “She doesn’t want that.”

Another long silence filled the room, as you turned your head towards the TV, carefully pondering your next words.

“What do you want me to do, Phil?“ You asked, helplessness weighing down on your shoulders.

“Help me fix that.”

“Why?” You decided to inquire bluntly.

“What do you mean why?”, He bristled, shooting you a cold glare. “I want you, my friend, to help me. Why are you asking me all those questions?”

“I’m just trying to understand, Phil.” You sighed, in your head conjuring an image of an orchard in full bloom to help ease some of the tension. You were fully aware your next questions won't help dissolve it. “Why do you want to keep this relationship going?” Phil kept quiet. “Do you love her? Or are you just used to being with her?”

Phil gaped at you, flexing his fingers in the blankets. He remained silent while you carefully observed him out of the corner of your eye.

“I’m sorry I can’t give you a perfect solution. But I think you already know the answers.”

“But how do I fix that?”, He asked again, a note of desperation creeped into his voice.

“I don’t know her side of the story… But is there anything to fix?” You felt like a fraud, asking all of those useless questions that held no answers. Phil’s eyes became suspiciously glassy. You decided not to comment on that. “Janice sounds like she’s doing that because she cares about herself and in some roundabout way about you too.”

“That’s a weird way of showing that,” Phil snapped without any real bite behind. He looked tired and not because of the late hour.

“Again, I’m not gonna pretend I know what I’m talking about… The decision has been made already. I don’t think you have any control over that. I guess the only thing you have a control over is how much of a mess this parting is going to be.”

“You’re awful at cheering people up, has anybody ever told you that?” He muttered, hiding his face in his hands.

You could only shrug helplessly, heart breaking a little to the sound of applause coming from the speakers.