Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Marcos Gildark’s Journal

1/4/20XX

Today is a good day for Lugunica. No, it’s a great day for the world. The Witch Cult, the criminal organization that has burdened this world for centuries, has taken a massive blow. After their siege against Priestella, the Greed Archbishop has been killed by the Sword Saint, Reinhard, and the Royal Candidate, Emilia. The Pride and Wrath Archbishop has been captured by the Royal Candidate, Priscilla. Despite the casualties in the town, I feel optimistic. For the first time in centuries, we have managed to make progress against the Witch Cult, ironic that this progress has been mostly related to the half-elf's camp. 

Now a few members of the Anastasia and Emilia camps are planning to go to the Watchtower of Great Sage Flugel to learn how to heal the victims of Lust and Gluttony. If they can manage it, then we’ll make even better progress against the Witch Cult. May Od Laguna be with them.

Unfortunately, I am obligated to remind my future self reading this that not everything went well in our battle. In fact, the aftermath confounds me a bit. The Royal Candidate of Crusch, after suffering the cruelty of the Archbishop of Gluttony, losing her memories to Gluttony a year ago has now been cursed by the Archbishop of Lust. That’s unfortunate but not surprising necessarily. The strange thing is that according to Ferris Argyle, the best healer in Lugunica, the curse seems to have healed slightly, to the point that it will not spread any further, provided that Crusch was regularly attended to. I’ve been told that the Pride Archbishop has a similar curse. Ferris has submitted a request to interrogate Pride. 

I intend to grant his request as well as provide him with the resources he needs. I’m not certain what but something about Pride seems dangerous yet familiar. I remember escorting him to his cell, feeling disgusted that we were letting 2 witch cultists live, let alone Archbishops but the disgust faded quickly once I had moved to my office to write this. Honestly, he seems sane but from his eyes, three things alarmed me. First of all, he didn’t seem like someone who’s killed many people, strange for the which cult. Second, he seemed like someone who’s brushed intimately with death. Lastly, he seemed to recognize me. His Authority must affect the mind as well.

I have to check with Ferris later to ensure I haven’t been corrupted by said Authority.

Perhaps stranger still is the village formerly under Roswaal’s protection becoming hostile to Emilia once more. A year ago, they had come to an agreement due to the danger posed by Sloth  . And they'd been on neutral if not positive terms since. But recently, they've been getting rowdy. Perhaps due to Emilia's absent knights who were both injured in Priestella..

Regardless of our losses, I can’t truly bring myself to be upset when the people, the CREATURES that are theorized to be responsible for kick-starting the Demi-Human war. A war which my father had fought in.

I think he’d be happy with this result. Although I can’t say that I enjoy the paperwork that comes with it.

7/4/20XX

It only took a week for the attempt to reach Pleiades Watchtower to be deemed a failure. There’s apparently a spatial distortion field around the Watchtower, preventing the camps from reaching any closer. The Great Spirit, Beatrice, of the Emilia Camp believes that she can create a spell that can negate the magic surrounding the Watchtower given time. So they are taking a short break to form the spell.

I have been informed of a knight of Anastasia’s Camp that has lost his name to Gluttony, Julius Juukulius a spirit knight. Reinhard vouches for him with his intuition that rivals divine protection of Wind Reading and. He currently isn’t contracted to his spirits due to his contracts being broken by Gluttony. He plans to re-establish them as soon as possible.

Speaking of Reinhard, I assigned him to assist with Ferris’s interrogation to tell if Pride was telling the truth. Ferris’s report states that Pride told ludicrous stories of him being a Knight to the half-elf candidate, contracted partner to the Great Spirit, Beatrice and assisted in the killing of the White Whale, Sloth, Greed and Great Rabbit. The stories are so ridiculous that I almost believe them. Perhaps I would if not for Reinhard confirming that he was lying. Honestly, with the level of detail in Ferris’s report, I’m surprised that his authority didn’t bypass his intuition. I’ve been informed by Reinhard that his Divine Protections are not as powerful as Authorities so it feels a bit odd that not even his intuition had failed.

Regardless, Ferris appears to be more frustrated than usual due to Pride’s lies. He seems almost certain that they know something, especially with all of the information that Pride has about the Candidates, especially the Emilia Camp. In his words: “If they know so much about the royal candidates, imagine what they might know about the Witch Cult.”

Ferris seems to be getting more and more unstable the more they interact with Pride. I’ve been informed that Crusch had saved Ferris from his abusive household and is very well the primary reason that Ferris has gotten to the stage in life that he is. I also do agree with analysis of the situation, so I’ve assigned more knights to the interrogation. There’s no need to give mercy to a Witch Cultist, let alone an Archbishop.

1/5/20XX

Lugunica has lost all contact with Vollachia Empire. In fact, all of the world has lost contact with Vollachia. There has been no contact to nor from Vollachia. It’s effectively been cut off from the rest of the world. It appears as though the entire country is effectively under an effect similar to  Gluttony’s Authority as well as the Pleiades Watchtower. Every time it is observed from the outside, any memories related to what someone saw will eventually disappear as well as any proof written or otherwise related to what they saw. Any attempt to enter the Kingdom will result in any person who entered, to be placed outside of the Kingdom, unconscious and without memories of what occurred. It’s hard to test and nothing concrete has been found out yet. I truly hope that this will not become as difficult to comprehend as it has been for Gluttony and the White Whale.

The camps of the Royal Selection are also acting oddly and the Priscilla Camp has disappeared entirely likely due to the strange occurrence in Vollachia. This unfortunately includes Heinkel Astrea, Deputy of the Royal Guards. I have been instructed to take his on his role in his absence. The camps are still officially in an alliance but it is shaky. The Felt Camp has had Reinhard preoccupied with Pride, seeming to come in and leave every other day. I asked him what he was doing and he said that something felt WRONG about Pride aside from his continuous lying according to his divine protections his Divine Protection of Doubt is also telling him that Pride is up to no good, something that doesn't happen for the lesser but still frequent interrogations of Wrath. 

Reinhard's instincts nor Divine Protections have never been wrong so I've increased the number of interrogations to keep a closer eye on Pride and placed more guards on duty near him. Since Wrath is in the adjacent cell, we can keep them both under watch. But with Reinhard preoccupied more and more with Pride, the royal candidate Felt has been getting more rowdy , the slums have been getting more violent and crime in the slums, which had lowered before, has risen once again. Reinhard is being spread thin between the camp, his assignments and Pride. I swear that I saw him nod off for a moment while writing his report of one of Pride’s interrogations.

The Crusch Camp is strangely enough, the least affected. While still cursed, Crusch Karsten is more than capable of movement provided that she is accompanied by her Knight. While weakened and cursed, which hurt her people’s trust in the beginning, her tenacity has granted the people hope. Her curse hasn’t spread any further but hasn't regressed either, making the reason for the curse initially regressing a mystery. She is still the most favored by the populace to win the selection, even more so than she was with her memories.. 

Ferris has attempted studying Pride’s similar curse for any clues but simply found that Pride was already cursed by multiple beings before being afflicted with what seems to be the same curse that Lust inflicted on Crusch. Inflicting a Royal Candidate with numerous curses isn't an option. Ferris is also investing much time into Pride but he’s mostly there at night, when Crusch needs healing the least, and leaving a different healer with Crusch. He hasn’t been making much progress in terms of information but has managed to refine the technique to improve healing efficiency when it comes to curses. Regardless, I’m not sure if Ferris is sleeping, there are bags under his eyes now but he’s covering them with make-up.

The Anastasia Camp is the most odd. Anastasia is known for being an impressive merchant, effectively being able to introduce, remove and sometimes even control the goods of the Kingdom of Lugunica through the Hoshin Company. She has claimed the title of “Great Merchant.” However, now the Hoshin Company is beginning to struggle. Many of the deals that the company has made are falling through and they are having shortages of many of their items. The only reason I even know of this is because rumors about the Hoshin Company have been quite widespread. Anastasia has been the front-runner of the Royal Selection but has now been definitively overtaken by Felt and Crusch. But if this continues, the economy of Lugunica might very well be overturned.

Like Ferris and Reinhard, Julius had also been interrogating Pride. However, he's been investing less time on Pride and more time recreating the bonds that he had lost. He’s been making some good progress and is popular among the populace. 

The Emilia Camp, however, is likely the most affected. Arlam village is still hostile to the Emilia Camp and the hostility has spread to create some ‘unsavory’ rumors. Such as her Great Spirit and knights abandoning her, even though her knights have since returned. Her burning down the Forbidden Library to contract with the great spirit and more. The Emilia Camp’s activities have slowed down. The times that members of the camp leave the mansion, they are seen frustrated. Both at the world and each other. The camp appears to have lost whatever it was that kept them together.

I pray to Od Laguna that things will get better.

1/6/20XX

Pride is due to be executed tomorrow. He’s been reduced to an effectively catatonic state. Ferris says that he’s suffering from a mental ailment, likely due to the torture accompanied with most of his interrogations. He’s effectively lost the will to live and therefore he’s lost his worth as a prisoner. Tomorrow, he will be executed in the Capital to make an example, and set a trap for the Witch Cult. The Royal Candidates will be invited to his execution and a celebration is to be held. 

Hopefully this raises morale despite the adventure to the Watchtower being on hold.

2/6/20XX

Shit.

Chapter Text

A star. 

A Broken Star was summoned to a world. The Broken Star was brought into this world and saved two girls from a predestined fate of death. And through this, the star was no longer broken but reborn. The Broken Star died. Despite the suffering that no living being was ever meant to live through, he was still broken, but he was healing.

The Healing Star was brought to a mansion. The Healing Star entered a home and was hurt. He searched and hunted for what they wanted and lost it. They did their best. They tried their hardest. But the things he wanted hurt him because of things that he couldn’t control. The Healing star died. The Healing Star was afraid.

The Scared Star was trapped in his mind. The Scared Star could not understand because no one told him. And he could not tell anyone about his suffering. He tries and fails. The Scared Star died. But he learned and he was comforted. He learned more of the people he loves. And the Scared Star decided that his suffering was worth it. The Scared Star was hurting.

The Hurting Star tried to be as helpful as he could. Every time he remained still, people close to him suffered for it. So he didn’t remain still. And he was wrong to. He could not trust the people he cared about. And he could not tell them why. The Hurting Star’s soul died. And he broke once more. But rather than apathy, The Hurting Star was arrogant. 

The Arrogant Star believed that he could solve any problem through his suffering. As long as he fought, there would be a way to win. Otherwise, everything he worked for would be for nothing, wouldn’t it. If his existence didn’t save people then what worth did he have? But then, he saw everything stripped away from him. Because of his arrogance, he had let his friends die. The Arrogant Star died. But the Arrogant Star shattered before he broke.

The Shattered Star could not move, he could not speak, he could not think, he could not live, he could not die. The Shattered Star had lost everything, and the weight of his suffering was too much to bear. Until a heavier weight burdened him. He saw someone he loved hurt in front of his eyes, for the first time in his life, the Shattered Star TRULY hated someone more than himself. The Shattered Star died. The Shattered Star reformed itself from pure fury.

The Furious Star tried to quell his righteous anger, still without trusting others but trying to save them. But he didn’t have the tools, the knowledge nor the calmness to achieve his goals. And burned himself out. He tried, in one final effort, to speak of his pain. And it ended in disaster. The furious star died. And the Furious Star was filled with despair.

The Hopeless Star grasped at its final straw. The Hopeless Star tried to save the only person that they believed that they could save, their killer in another fate but a person they saved in this one. They denied the star’s offer and helped the star pick himself up once more. The Star would build themself back up. The Star regained their will.

The Determined Star and the person they saved joined hands. And they worked together and gained the tools, knowledge and determination to achieve their goals. They killed one of the plagues of the world and separated for the Star to save the people they failed in another fate. The star left, he saved almost everyone. But he could not save them all. And he could not save himself. The Determined Star died. And tried again. The Determined Star saved everyone, including himself and declared his love. But he lost someone else in his absence. THe person who killed him, the person who saved him, the person he saved, the person he helped, the person who helped him. They were lost. The Determined Star killed himself. But it was too late. The Star mourned.

The Mourning Star could not remain, for he still had to save what he could. The Mourning Star left the person they failed at his home, the mansion and left for the Sanctuary to find a clown, his servants and the villagers. The Sanctuary held a village of half demi-humans with its barrier. The only way to disable the barrier was to enter the Witch’s Tomb and complete three trials. The girl the star loved entered Echidna’s Tomb, the star followed. The Star met their parents once more, and was thankful for a final reunion to right his wrongs from another world. The Mourning Star was happy. 

T̸̲̿ḫ̷̈́̃e̸͖̠̊̕ ̸͈͆ͅH̸̺̃͋ǎ̵͖̳p̸̟͛p̸̹̖̂̈ÿ̵̥̹́

“People like you don’t deserve to be happy”

The Star returned to reality with the girl he loves and comforted her at her lowest point. They left the Witch’s Tomb. The Star left the Sanctuary with the villagers that could leave and returned to the mansion. The people still in the mansion were killed by the Star’s first enemy, an assassin The Star died. The star tried to go to the mansion earlier, the assassin was there. The Star died. The Star wanted to complete the Sanctuary. The Star was captured then saved. The Star was saved then scarred. The Star was scarred then eaten. The Star died. The Star tried to complete the Sanctuary. The Star broke. The Star was saved by the dead Witch. The Star was tormented by a living Witch.  The Star died. The Star was betrayed by the clown.

“Betrayed by everyone.”

The Betrayed Star pleaded. The Betrayed Star begged. The Betrayed Star could not stop the assassin from killing the people close to them. The Star ran. The Star thought. The Star despaired. The Star was found by a friend. The Star was saved. The Star planned. The Betrayed Star and the Insane Clown made a bet. The Betrayed Star trusted those close to him. 

The Trusting Star fought. The Star gained a friend and brother. The Star trusted the person he loved to complete the Witch’s trials. The Star went to the mansion, their brother killed the assassin and contracted with a great spirit. Together with the Spirit and the one they love, they destroyed another disaster plaguing the world. The Trusting Star was Knighted.

The Knighted Star had peace for a year, they bonded with their friends. They fought with their sister. They played with their brothers. They trained with their spirit. They went on dates with the person they loved. They spoke to the one they failed. Their life was good, they were happy and they made everyone else happy as well. 

Then they went to Priestella to get information on Gluttony and a crystal for the Great Spirit of Fire. The Witch Cult came. The Knighted Star died thrice to stop Wrath but was injured in the process. Then they tried to stop the Witch Cult once more but failed, and the star was cursed. Fortunately, due his previous encounters with curses, he survived mostly unharmed. Finally, they were able to regroup with their allies and together with the Sword Saint and the Girl he loves, killed the invincible Greed Archbishop as his allies captured Wrath. However, while alone, he was attacked by Gluttony and his name was eaten. Without his name, history was rewritten… without him.

The Forgotten Star was deemed an Archbishop. Why? His ability to persist and return to a previous time had been controlled by the Witch of Envy. And had cursed him with a thick but useless miasma with no meaning except to mark him as suspicious. But this in and of itself would not be enough to mark him as a Witch Cultist. That is, if not for the Gospel of the Witch Cult. The book instructed the Lust to take the Star away to protect him. Or so it seemed. They only gave him a false title as Pride and let him be captured as they escaped. The Star was captured. 

What happened next… Could only be described as a tragedy. A tragedy with no single person to blame. Was it the Great Spirit’s fault for sensing the miasma and labelling them a Witch Cult. Was it the Greatest Healer’s fault for holding on to a useless hope that torturing Pride could save the person they loved? Was it the Spirit Knight’s fault for not listening to the Star in the same situation as them? Was it the Sword Saint’s fault for being suspicious of the Star’s circumstances but not being able to conclude the Star was innocent? Was it the Witch’s fault for not progressing the Star’s checkpoint, hoping that he would escape but instead subjecting the star to 3 year’s worth of torment through his own power? Was it the half-elf camp’s fault for neglecting him and letting this faith fall upon their knight? Was it the Star’s fault for holding on to hope so tightly that he remained trapped by the world and let his heart suffer with his body? So that his body was abused, destroyed, violated, tarnished, stolen , corrupted by well-intentioned and twisted knights alike.

There were 2 people who were surely to blame. The Cultist that took his name. And the Cultist that twisted his captor’s emotions, sowing doubt where there ought to be none, overriding divine protection twisting intuition into a red herring and letting each and every individual be trapped in a cell of their own making, literally and figuratively. Gluttony and Wrath.

Of course, those two were nowhere to be found as soon as Subaru died, the Witch Cult made sure of that. So the people, couldn't release their anger at them. 

In the end, the Star did not break by his will running out but finally the Witch had had enough. After 3 years of trial and effort of torture, escaping death over and over, the Witch took his mind from his body, letting him be executed and finally freeing his name and returned him forward in time for the first and likely last time. But as backlash for overriding Return By Death in this way, the closest checkpoint the Witch could place him in. An entire year in the future.

However, with that, the star was removed from existence for a year. Essentially dying for that year. And do you know what stars do when they die? THEY GO SUPERNOVA!

Chapter Text

Subaru and darkness have always had an interesting relationship. Although it would be hard to call it a 'relationship.' At early points in his life, darkness was just something that existed. The absence of light. Nothing less nothing more. He couldn't see through it obviously but it wasn't oppressive. He had never feared it like other kids his age. After all, whatever was there in the dark was still there in the light. Or at least that was what he thought in the past.

Maybe it was because he always knew instinctually he’d find darkness too many times to be afraid of it. After all, his Yin affinity didn't come from the world he was transported into, he always had it. He simply couldn't use. Regardless, Subaru was familiar with darkness. Subaru's memory was good so he remembered the darknesses that surrounded him over time. Some more painful than others. That included the darkness that came when he felt alone in the past. The darkness that he’d get from his favorite spell, Shamak. To the darkness of his prison where he'd spent far too long.

Having said all of that, the darkness that Subaru found himself surrounded by at that moment was different. It wasn't dark simply because there was no light, in fact he doubted that light could penetrate this darkness, but also there was truly nothing here. He couldn't even be certain if he was truly there. Concepts like existence and inexistence seemed like a fleeting idea in that place, one that would disappear if you weren't focusing. Subaru knew that was a strange thing to think but somehow, he couldn't help it.

The strangest thing though was that Subaru recognized this place somehow but also… doesn’t. He sensed instinctively and knew in the back of his mind that something about the darkness was… broken. Like it wasn't meant to be like this. Someone was here, someone who he somehow missed despite not knowing anything about them. But not only that, Subaru felt as if he was incomplete. As if his 'existence' within this place was weaker than it should have been. As if something had been taken from him. Or maybe he'd just lost it? 

Despite his strangely specific feeling, if he’s been here before then he doesn’t remember it. It’s similar to Echidna’s Tea Party. Both in the strange sense of calm he was feeling and him clearly being here but not remembering it.  Actually, Echidna had asked about him being in a similar place, maybe this was that place. Maybe someone was here, maybe this emptiness. He tried to call out but… He had no body, he was simply… conscious somehow. 

What had happened? He was in prison, he’d just blinked. It was similar to when he was first summoned to Lugunica or Return by Death. Dying wasn’t exactly uncommon when he was on his own from bleeding out, malnourishment or breaking something important in his weakened body. But he made sure to prepare for Reinhard’s visit by making sure he WOULDN’T die by being made to stand up. There’s no reason to be dead at this point. Unless someone had decided to assassinate him. 

"Hah." Subaru couldn't help but laugh mentally. If someone wanted him dead, his name would be back. And that was impossible.

Was he being sent back to Japan? No, he subconsciously knew that he wouldn’t be going back as soon as he was summoned to this world. So he only knew that something was going to change. Would he be able to fix his name? What was going to happen? But he couldn’t answer that question. So, the only thing to do was wait. So he did. And Subaru wouldn’t have to wait long. Subaru didn’t know it yet but he was the only one that wouldn’t have to wait.

Capital Of Lugunica

Subaru was transported out of the darkness as suddenly as he was put in. Or at least that was what it felt like, maybe only part of his memory of that Darkness remained. Or maybe not. He wasn't certain how the Castle of Dreams or similar worked in the first place. Slowly, Subaru was becoming aware of his surroundings again

Subaru crumpled to the ground as soon as he was conscious, not feeling his legs. Actually no, his legs were in a massive amount of pain but he told himself hat he couldn't feel them. That was a new one, usually whenever he returned by death his legs would be usable again. And he always appreciated that at the very least. 

The disgusting feeling around them was acceptable as long as it remained a memory and not an actual tainting. But for some reason, his legs were weak. More feeling like they would be after a few days in his cell but less feeling than they would be if he had returned. A strange paradox but if it was the only strange thing, Subaru would simply correlate it to his mind fading and his willpower weakening.

However, it wasn’t.

Subaru covered his eyes, eyes that were accustomed to the darkness of his prison and therefore had no reason to be hurt. Except he had covered his eyes from the light over his head. His mind recoiled instinctively, remembering light as the signal that another 'interrogation' session was here. But in truth it was really just a violation of his body regardless of who would appear at the door. 

But he quickly realized that the stone underneath him was different from the ones in the prison. It was not a difficult for someone who had spent 3 years with the same stone floor underneath him. Even covered if it were covered in blood with most of his nerves burned off, Subaru would be able to recognize the floor. And that wasn't the only thing, the light, the wind, the floor. Something had changed.

"Wait... what?" Subaru groggily got up to his knees, eyes still covered from the overhead light and felt a strange pull in his heart, a strange sensation. Subaru felt déjà vu despite knowing for absolute certain that this feeling was new. But as quickly as it had appeared, it vanished and his heart returned to normal. Subaru's eyes widened and then narrowed again, looking around himself. 

A new feeling was suddenly thrusted upon Subaru. Not joy, he had realized that he was free from his prison. That should make him happy. That he was out of that cesspool but he couldn't bring himself to be. There were currently more important matters at hand. Even if he wanted to be happy, he wouldn't be satisfied until he got his name back by personally wringing Gluttony's neck. Not fear either. Of course, Subaru still felt apprehension at a new situation. Butat some point the unknown stopped being scary, it was just new information. It wasn't worth any more and he couldn't afford any more if he did. His emotions were a resource, and he still forgot that often, getting himself killed. Pain was scary and everlasting. While he was feeling an aching pain all over his body, he had gotten used to that pain years ago. If he wasn't feeling physical pain then he felt phantom pains.

No, what he felt was someone's gaze. Someone hostile. Subaru had long since gained the ability to sense how strong someone was, even before the prison. It was simply an ability developed by being around strong people. If the people he surrounded himself with her so overwhelmingly strong then naturally he would gain the ability to see strong people. An ability that Subaru had used to its fullest extent to know the slight differences between guards so he could differentiate between guards in complete darkness.

What he DID gain from the prison was the ability to sense someone's gaze and that allowed him to steel himself before interrogations. Regardless, whoever was watching was highly suspicious of him, something he'd gotten used to but nothing good. He was the 'Archbishop of Pride' on these streets, if someone was suspicious of him then he'd die, it was that simple. It didn't matter if they called the knights or attacked him directly, he'd be in danger and he'd die. And he'd be sent back. That outcome needed to be avoided at all costs.

Subaru clamored to his feet and ran. Or rather, he tried to run. Subaru almost instantly crashed into the ground, his body feeling uncoordinated and head feeling dizzy. His body felt useless. How long had it been since he was even able to think of running? He'd stopped exercising many loops ago, it drew attention. Even if wanted to, he would be rendered unable to very quickly.

He picked himself up with shaky arms. He took one step, ignoring the pain and weakness in his legs. There was nothing difficult about this, his legs were useless for most of his time in prison. Obviously if he was under that kind of stress for so long then this was nothing. So Subaru another step, consciously controlling each foot for each step. It made his steps slower than they should be but he was running, with some difficulty. He was stuck in that prison for at least 2 months, he'd be damned if he was going back easily.

So he ran as hard as he could, feeling each step send painful shockwaves through his body. But perhaps more painful, Subaru could feel the gaze multiply and the now multiple presences get closer.

"Shit, Shit, Shit. I can’t get caught again." Subaru muttered under his breath

Subaru essentially tackled the closed door of a random tavern down and felt himself nearly dislocate an arm. He crashed to the floor immediately. The door opening to Subaru's broken body. He wasn't sure if the door was actually locked but he didn't have time to risk it. Subaru picked himself up and held his breath, silencing his steps as he felt the gazes be disrupted by the walls surrounding him. He had a few seconds of concealment. So he brainstorm

What should he do? What COULD he do?

"What the-?" Subaru couldn't help but question what he saw despite his panic.

His eyes were drawn to a window, more specifically a reflection in it. A reflection of a boy Subaru didn’t recognize. Sunken eyes with eyebags reaching down to his cheeks, his face was pale, purely white hair from stress, hair that was grown out too long, thinner flesh from malnourishment and a bloody, dirtied and torn tracksuit that was entirely unrecognizable as a traksuit. He looked like a very tired Regulus, something he didn't appreciate. But all of that was sadly normal to him. This was undeniably what 'Natsuki Subaru' had become. Subaru didn’t see his reflection often but those characteristics were things he’d learned to associate with himself. Which made it strange that he didn’t fully recognize it because… 

“They’re faded.” Subaru gasped.

The features weren’t as bad as they usually were. His hair was mostly white but had hints of black, his eye bags weren’t nearly pure black. It was like a past version of himself had combined with his self now. Was he somehow halfway returned? Why the hell was it incomplete, though he probably shouldn't complain. Subaru shook his head and slapped his cheeks, now wasn’t the time.

An idea popped into his mind. If he broke a window, he’d be able to hide in the room after drawing at least some of the presences away. As long as their numbers were lowered, Subaru felt at least somewhat confident in his ability to get away. Subaru picked up a wooden chair without hesitation and threw it out of a window before vaulting over the bar counter and hiding behind it. Voices soon emerged from the entrance.

“Where’d he go?” A raspy voice called out.

“The window’s broken, he must have gone that way!” A woman’s voice exclaimed.

Thank Od. They were tricked. He’d at least reduce their numbers with this, that way he could use Invisible Providence to create an opening and dash. He wasn’t sure where to yet but as long as he got distance, he could figure something out. Subaru's mind might have been affected in prison but his ability to take an opportunity and run with it was still intact. Besides in Subaru’s mind, if he were caught then he’d either be brought back to the prison or die and go to the prison through Return  By Death, both were outcomes that he had to avoid at all costs.

“Take out your Gospel! If it's important, our next instructions will be here.” The raspy voice called out once more.

Those words were all it took to stun Subaru. Gospel? Roswaal was the first person that came to mind but he quickly dismissed the notion. Roswaal by his own admission could never hate Subaru so there would be no need for Subaru to sense hostility. Even if he did, Roswaal didn't have the book anymore. Even if he wanted to, this was redundant. No matter what leaps in logic Subaru applied, this could never be Roswaal. So it was the Witch Cult. 

“Are they taking revenge for acting as Pride?” Subaru muttered to himself without thinking, shaking his head as soon as the quiet words left his mouth.

Subaru’s mind was so disorderly that for some reason his first thought had been of the title that plagued him for his time in his prison. Even if he were to be appearing as an Archbishop, it would be Greed that he was appearing as. Hence, he needed to take a moment to reorganize his thoughts but was interrupted by the sound of pages in at least 5 books. They were checking their gospels.

“Burn the counter. He’s hiding there!”

“El-”

Subaru suddenly popped up from behind the counter with a raging expression, interrupting the chant. Now that he was looking at them, the cultists were simply wearing regular clothes. They looked… like 5 normal people. That made some sense, after all how could they act so openly in the capital without being seen. But it unsettled Subaru to have Witch Cultists openly in the streets. What had happened while he was gone?

“You bitches, why would you try to burn the bar down just to take me out? Are you kidding? I guess you really are looking for me, because the Witch Cult wouldn’t be burning down Archbishops, right? So what’s your game? Did Gluttony tell you about me? Are you just here to kill whoever was on the street when you checked? Is my name back all of a sudden? I thought the Witch Cult hid in the shadows and wore creepy-ass robes but you’re just existing in the middle of nowhere with one else in the street and for what? Why wasn’t there anything else in the street? Was it all planned just to target me? How were you not caught already? A cultist attack to kill someone whose name had been eaten and body imp-”

Subaru stopped halfway through his rant, his initial plan was to hide until the people chasing him left. When he realized they knew where he was, Subaru had planned to distract them with a long rant before coming up with a plan, a trick he used on Lust and the White Whale to good effect. And while it did confuse the cultist, Subaru was the first to tire out. His tired lungs ran out of air before he managed to finish and his throat felt like was on fire. He leaned against the countertop to catch his breath while the cultists stood in shock, naturally Subaru's audacity would confuse most opponents, it was one of his best traits. Subaru took a deep breath and steadied himself before talking again.

Subaru put on his best customer service smile. “Anyways, welcome to Subaru’s bar! Have a drink!”

His voice was weak and felt jagged in his throat but Subaru quickly threw a barrage of alcoholic drinks from below the counter-top and at the cultists. He knew it wouldn’t deal any real damage but he had to in order to cause chaos and buy time. Three cultists dodge the bottles and dash towards Subaru, pulling weapons out of nowhere. One of the other two creates a water shield with Huma as the other shoots a fireball Goa spell at Subaru. 

Subaru quickly dashes to the side as the entire countertop was engulfed in flame, he felt the heat from behind him and rolled to the ground, skidding to a stop as he saw a blade aimed for his neck. Subaru was about to use his sloth Witch Factor but something stopped him, a desperate urge to gain distance. An absolutely unwanted and yet undeniable urge. He jumped back, tripping over a chair and landing face-up on a table. He rolls off as a battle axe from a different cultish splits the table in half. Subaru grabbed a chair and threw it at another Goa spell aimed at him, detonating the fireball early. Subaru would pay for such a risky maneuver because as he stumbled back, the final weapon wielding cultist stabbed Subaru’s shoulder with a knife. He only didn't get his neck because Subaru managed to lean to the side despite his poor footing. Subaru grunted in pain and started panicking despite himself, his heart trying to beat out of his chest.

“INVISIBLE PROVIDENCE!” Subaru shouted.

Nothing happened. His authority wasn’t unresponsive, it just… wasn’t there. Was that what he felt that he had lost in prison? 

“No, No, No, No. Get away!” Subaru said, panicking. Why? Why? Why was the Witch Cult after him? Why had he returned here? How would he even replicate the events needed to get back here? Why couldn't he control his heart? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? 

He tripped backwards and tried to crawl away but his legs were cleaved off by the battle-axe, letting his blood drain onto the floor. Subaru screamed and still tried to crawl to get away from the cultist but it was useless.

“GET AWAY!” Subaru screamed, as a purple energy erupted from him, pushing the three closest cultists away.

The room was silent for a moment, at least that was how it seemed to Subaru. Magic?

Subaru’s panic stopped for a moment, the pain no longer registering. “My… gate, it’s working.”

But before Subaru could act on this realization, he was engulfed in flame. His internal organs melting and leaking through whatever pores or wound they could find.

Natsuki Subaru has died to the Witch Cult.

Chapter Text

Prison

Subaru flinched as he collapsed on the floor, a profound sense of despair filled his heart. The process of Return By Death causing all the information to rush into his mind. Painful, the process was always painful. It was like a tsunami of memories crashing into him all at once, drowning him. Then, after the water had disoriented him, the fire. The final moments of his last life encompassed his very being. His organs, skin, his brain melting and boiling, turning into mush. Not only the moment of death flashing clearly within his broken mind but also the memories of his failed existence crushing him. 

He gasped for breath, his consciousness finally reaching the surface of the sea of his personal hell and breathing in the damp, stale air of the prison.

The... damp and stale air of the prison.

The air wasn't damp.

The air wasn't stale.

That’s not the air that he was feeling, the air was strangely fresh and he felt a strange yet dangerous warmth.. 

“Th-The Capital!” Subaru exclaimed.

Prison Capital Of Lugunica

He was at the capital. He was at the capital. He was at the capital. He was at the capital. He was at the capital. He was at the capital. He was at the capital. He was at the capital. He was at the capital. He was at the capital. He was at the capital. He was at the capital. He was at the capital. He was at the capital. He was at the capital. He was at the capital. He was at the capital. He was at the capital.  

How? How? Why after all this time? Why was he free now? How was he free? How was his hell uplifted? Why was he freed after all this time? Why was he trapped din the first place? Why had his ability failed him in the worst of times? Why had it freed him now? Had Satella finally done something? Why now? Why wait? So many questions. But yet... He felt an unending sense of relief. 

His checkpoint, after not being updated for three years, had finally, FINALLY BEEN UPDATED. A tear ran down his face, then another. Then Subaru started crying. And sobbing, He had never felt such relief before. He couldn’t believe it. He was free. Free of the torture, the pain, the killings, the violating. He was free. Finally.

"EL GOA!"

Subaru was quickly hit with reality due to basking in his freedom for too long, once again experiencing a painful yet excruciatingly slow fiery death by the disguised or rather the undisguised Witch Cultist.

Natsuki Subaru died to the Witch Cult

Subaru started the next loop in a sprint, or at least running as fast as he could manage without falling. He considered getting to a place with witnesses but thinking logically, that would simply end in more people dying. Subaru even after all this time, still did not want unnecessary blood on his hands. Even if the cultists would back off, which was an unlikely outcome, the capital seemed to be abandoned. 

He could call for help, but if he called out then there was a chance a good-hearted civilian would help and they would die. The idea of getting help from a knight or even a guard felt suffocating, even in his mind. He didn’t trust himself to call out without having a panic attack. There was therefore no person that could help him. Subaru slowed down for a moment before coming to a realization.

He would have to defeat the cultists himself.

Subaru stopped at the same tavern door. If he went inside, he was effectively cornering himself. He would be committing himself to a fight. He’d probably die, and he didn't intend to use this life as a throwaway. Hopefully, he would never need to do so again. But at the moment if Subaru were to commit himself then this really this was the only option he had. Fighting in the open was not an option. And while Subaru certainly felt claustrophobic, he also knew that he would perform better in an enclosed space. it was only natural for a Yin magic user. But running was also an option for such a mage.

Subaru smiled, placing his hand on the door.

“Murak.”

The door creaked slightly, becoming weightless under his touch. He pushed the door gently but firmly, moving it as far back as it could go. 

“Vita.” 

Vita. One would think that the spell only increased the gravity of an object and ordinarily, that was what the spell would do. However, as the former contractor of a Great Spirit of Yin, Subaru knew better. In truth, the spell increased any outside forces acting on the target. And as of that moment the only force acting on the door was Subaru pushing it. The door flew off of its hinges, crashing into the bar’s countertop.

Subaru laughed bitterly, “As if running was ever an option. I can't let myself be known to them. Not yet.”

The Witch Cultists entered the room, scanning the area for Subaru. At a glance, he was nowhere to be seen. The door that had once been an entrance to this long-abandoned building. There wasn't any sign of movement in a while. 

“Where’d he go?” The same raspy voice as last time called out.

“I don't see any sign of escape, he must be hiding somewhere!” A woman’s voice exclaimed.

It was like CLOCKWORK. 

“Take out your Gospel! If it's important, our next instructions will be here.” the previously sword-wielding, raspy-voiced cultist ordered as he stepped forwards, preparing to inspect the door. 

The Cultists obliged and began flipping through the pages but they never got to read their instructions as a voice above them called out a single word. 

"Shamac!"

The room was filled with black smoke.

Subaru's Cell

When Subaru died, before he was summoned in the Capital again, he was sent back to the first day in his cell. He was technically in good health at those moments but it certainly didn't feel like it. His hair would often grow white before the torture had really begun. That change in appearance forced him to change in strategy after some time. It was a learning curve. A harsh and torturous learning curve.

However, after the first few deaths, Subaru resolved himself to make 2 decisions in the first hour of his new life. The first was whether he would treat this life like a throwaway. Often times, Subaru would gain new information about one of the knight and, if he was lucky, sometimes the knight would be Reinhard, Julius or Felix. Every bit of information was helpful.

How act to prevent Felix from giving him an aneurysm through brainwashing. How to resist brainwashing. How to act to placate Felix to even a slight extent and how to keep him from calling for an execution. How ensure he was just helpful enough to him in order to not have Felix kill him via the water mana that Felix himself infused within him.

Or how Reinhard would come on certain days, becoming more and more stressed due to Wrath's Authority. That telling him about Wrath's authority would be a poor decision. It just resulted in Wrath eventually burning herself in her own flame, killing him and likely anyone else deep enough in her soulwashing. Explaining it didn't do any better, it just resulted in someone assassinating Wrath and resulting in the same ending.

When Julius would sometimes drift a bit too closer to an important organ (usually heart) when intending to wound. How Subaru could accidentally damage a spirit by having them read his emotions. How he could speak to the spirits if Subaru decided to talk to them too much, resulting in suspicion of him rising and therefore increasing the likelihood of .  

Testing such things would almost guarantee his painful death. And yet it had become necessary. If he didn't do such things, he wouldn't have even made it to 1 month of life without spending even more years of hopeless attempts. It almost made him feel sorry to Satella, he wasn't valuing his life after all. But with the checkpoint that she refused to change, he really could only feel betrayed by her as much as anyone else. Maybe she had forgotten him too.

But as for the second decision was even more painful. Whether he would fully destroy his contract with Beatrice or not. Of course, due to the effects of Gluttony, his contract was null and void. That meant that anything more than simply knowing it was there was impossible. He couldn’t call Beatrice, use magic or even expel mana. Worse yet, it prevented any spirits from coming to him. Effectively, he could only look at the broken pieces of what had been there before.

However, Subaru usually kept the contract intact. It wasn’t because he found a use for it, it was just that he felt hopeless without it. Like cutting off the last part of his name. Also, as he had figured out, the spirits weren’t particularly helpful. Not only were Julius or Reinhard simply able to sense if he had called a spirit and promptly kill him if he did much more than observe them silently. But also, the mana poisoning that comes with his broken gate had become a crucial piece in survival.

And was ignoring the fact that most spirits wouldn't be able to work with him due to his mental state.

If he wasn’t being poisoned despite his broken Gate, Felix and the others would become wary of him and that would cause his public execution. Subaru had lived through 5 public executions and after the first 2, he had started to kill himself before they happened. It was one of the worst parts of losing his name.

All of that to say, while rare, he did in fact still use spirit magic in prison. 

Tavern

“Minya!”

So he hadn't forgotten how to cast spells. Even if he didn’t have time to form a contract, his gate was now working. And even if Subaru wasn't used to casting with his own gate, it was still easier than it would be with lesser spirits.

Purple stakes filled the air and pierced into the smoke where the cultists stood. Minya is an instant-kill magic "Arrows of Stopped Time". Purple stakes of crystalized mana covered in light purple flames once the stakes were 'activated', they would fly into a chosen direction before exploding into shards and fly in the same direction of that the caster originally chose. As soon as the shards or stakes made contact with a person, they would begin crystallizing from the point of contact, regardless of how strong they were. 

However once the smoke cleared Subaru was frustrated, although not surprised, that he'd only managed to hit one cultist who had casted Huma, protecting the other cultists but a shard had stuck her hand as she casted the spell. The cultist shattered into pieces as the water forcefield collapsed. 

Subaru pushed off of the wall he was hanging on. His weightless body, under the effects of Murak, floated away from the cultists quite slowly. Resulting in the final mage cultist to fire a Goa spell and the knife-wielding cultist to throw their knives at Subaru. However, the action of floating away was a bait. Subaru stopped time around his body, causing the fire and knife to do little more than obscure his vision of the cultists and vice-versa. However, his technique was not perfect and a few burns now adorned his body. 

Subaru’s Gate at this moment was not large, but it wasn’t as small as it was when he entered the world either. It was as if his gate were capable of growth when it was broken, hence his training with Beatrice over the year before his imprisonment had not gone to waste. So rather than a newborn, Subaru’s gate was about the size of Petra’s when he last saw her. Ok, probably less than that. Fortunately Minya, the only offensive Yin spell he knew, didn’t need much mana. Only now that he was casting himself, did he realize how poor Beatrice's mana consumption was. Though at the moment, he truly wished he had Beatrice’s help. If he did, his first ambush would have ended the fight.

“El Minya!” Subaru called out once he had reached the wall, purple stakes lining the roof of the tavern but now, there were 40 of them. Subaru activated them 2 at a time, causing a rain of purple shards to fall towards the cultist, slow enough that he had a constant supply of ammo for 20 seconds. Fast enough that the cultists couldn't let up their defense for a single moment.

The axe and sword-wielding cultists dived under a table, dodging the shards as they fell. The final magic caster created a barrier of flame, protecting himself and the formerly knife-wielding cultist. That was exactly what Subaru wanted. He closed his eyes, and pushed off the wall as hard he could, towards the knife and final mage cultists. And activated his absolute negation magic, limiting the surrounding barrier to about a meter in radius. It cancelled the flames and Murak as he came closer by but knowing he was near the cultists in any capacity caused his heart to beat faster to the point that he couldn’t think straight; it felt even worse than having his heart squeezed. This prevented him from continuing to focus on his absolute negation magic.

He had already activated Minya so the shards weren’t affected by his panic attack, although the rest of the stakes quickly dissipated without doing anything. That was why he even considered this action. He was doing what he did best, using himself as a sacrifice and bait. 

“What the?”

“Gah!”

Subaru rolled on the ground, crashing into the cultists, tripping them but not knocking them off of their feet as they regained balance after Subaru passed by. Or at least they would have if the final purple shards hadn’t hit them at the exact moment Subaru passed by, causing them to shatter as soon as they touched the ground. 

Since they hadn’t moved from in front of the doorway, Subaru immediately rolled out from the tavern. Once he came to a stop, he was now adorned with cuts and bruises, it was a miracle that he hadn’t broken anything. Now his body was a less desecrated version of his time in prison both physically and mentally, minus the curse.

“urgh….”

Subaru slowly got to his feet, the world spinning but he vaguely saw two more figures at the doorway of the tavern. They were hesitating.

“Shit.”

Subaru had killed 3 cultists but his plan had actually failed. Not only did his initial attack fail to kill the cultists but he had lost the element of surprise now. Not only that but the cultists were acting… differently than he remembered. Back when the cultists attacked Arlam Village, they had almost no sense of self-preservation. They practically threw themselves at anyone who could defend themselves and slaughtered the rest. The only ones that even hesitated to attack were strong enough to fight Rem on even footing. Something had fundamentally changed within the Witch Cult. 

Now they would be able to defend themselves from Minya simply by using their surroundings. Subaru had already killed the mages, he could use Murak to run. But he wasn’t sure he would be able to escape the cultists. Even if he did, if word got out to the cult then he’d likely be a target. Or worse, the word would get out to the knights. Subaru didn’t hold the advantage anymore. Should he cut his losses and escape or make a final stand? He didn’t want to rely on Return by Death anymore. What could he do? What CAN he do?

“SCREE! TCTSHCTCTCT.”

…The sounds of screeching and chittering filled the air as bat-like creatures swarmed the final two cultists coming from nowhere. Biting off flesh and obscuring vision. Hurtful but at the end of the day, the damage was but a drop in the bucket. The cultists cut, hacked and slashed at the air with their respective weapons, killing the bats quickly. Subaru had only a moment to be shocked but at the same moment, he realized he only had this one chance

“Minya!”

Subaru aimed the shards low, crystalizing the feet of the cultists but lowering the potency so that the crystal transmutation stopped at their waists. He had a feeling that someone wouldn’t want the bats to die uselessly. The bats quickly flew away from the cultists, leaving them stuck in place. Subaru listened for something in the silent capital. Nothing…. Until he heard a gentle thud, like a child had jumped off of a large table or decently sized mount.

Subaru waited for a moment, but no one came out. So he turned towards a nearby alleyway. But the cultists, while immobilized, were still conscious. At the moment that they saw their chance, they both threw their weapons at Subaru, killing him.

Or it would have killed him

But Subaru had stopped time around his body letting the cultists throw their weapons in on final attack. The weapons clattered to the ground harmlessly. 

"Minya" Subaru called out but truly it was more of a judgement than a statement. The cultists turned to crystal behind him.

Subaru chuckled slightly, both at the prospect of seeing a familiar face and relief at surviving. But… no one appeared. Subaru’s slight smile disappeared.

“I know you’re there, Meili.”

A small child with dark blue hair appeared at the opposite side of the alleyway. She looked apprehensive, as if a multitude of conflicting emotions were stirring within her.

Subaru smiled, wider this time. His first real smile since he was first imprisoned, it felt weird on his face. “Hi, it’s been a while, hasn’t it?”

For some reason, tears ran down Meili’s face but she mirrored his smile. “It has! Welcome back, Onii-san!”

Chapter Text

The collapse of Lugunica practically happened overnight. 

When Subaru was killed, his name was freed almost instantly. The air stood still. Memories came back but slowly. It took time for everyone to connect their lost memories and their new ones. The very first thing that had happened was absolute chaos. There were riots in the street. People tried to kill the Knights, they tried to destroy Royal Candidates, even the Council of Wise Men were under attack.

It would have been bad enough if Subaru was executed. He had made a horrible debut, disrespecting every knight in Lugunica. Then he had firmly lost in a duel with the finest Knight. And then in a single week had destroyed an Archbishop and two Great Beasts. The Archbishop and Great Rabbit were killed without casualties, no less. He was the killer of an archbishop. He had vanquished 2 Great Beasts. At first, his achievements were doubted. They were quickly believed over the next year. And after his death, they were almost fully believed. 

A person, during their first noteworthy moment had disrespected every Knight publicly. Then, he was beaten soundly. Then, he killed 2 Great Witchbeasts and an Archbishop. Then, after his showing in Priestella, his name was taken and he was later executed with blatant signs of abuse on his person. That was suspicious enough. Worse yet, the Council of Wise Men chose to hide his involvement in Priestella even after his name had returned. They shouldn’t escalate things too far.

That was nothing more than a bomb to be set off. 

The secret crumbled quickly, none of the Royal Candidates, servants nor Knights were willing to keep his involvement a secret. Even suggesting the idea had nearly resulted in Emilia freezing over the Royal Castle. Worse yet, she was nearly allowed to, even Julius and Reinhard had turned a blind eye to the frost.  It seemed that not even the Sword Saint was truly willing to side with the council any longer. In the end, Felt was actually the one that stopped her, saying that things had gone too far.

Despite this, the Candidates weren’t the ones to reveal the secret, it was the Witch Cult. Lust had staged an attack on the Capital under the pretense of Revenge on Natsuki Subaru for assisting in the killing Greed and the capturing Wrath. Worse yet, one of the Archbishops of Gluttony had freed Wrath. Killing and erasing many Knights in their way. 

The direct attack was quelled quickly but there were now more active Witch Cultists in the Capital. And therefore more people to stir the pot.

The chaos ensuing was anything but avoidable. Almost no one trusted the Council anymore and even less trusted the Royal Candidates. The only Candidate that was even somewhat supported was Felt who, along with her Knight, had entered the Royal Castle one day and never came back out.

“The Council’s a formality nowadays. The entirety of Lugunica is in a quiet civil war. There are so many sides, and now even the Witch Cult is being supported by some. People stay off the streets. The economy is broken too. Most of the merchants are Cultists too but removing them will cause problems. Every day a new fight between or within factions breaks out.” Meili explained.

“That’s… bad.” Subaru said. It was obvious but he couldn’t find anything better to say.

Meili leaned back in her seat, putting her feet on the table. “I don’t really care about any of that though, I just have my pets looking for Lust so I can avoid her.” 

“Lust is ‘Mother’?” Subaru guessed.

“I see your time in prison hasn’t dulled your mind. How long were you in there anyways?” Meili asked.

Subaru opened his mouth to answer but then he thought for a moment then he narrowed his eyes. He knew about how long he was in prison for, about 3 years. He knew that he was ACTUALLY in prison for: 2 months. But… Meili, had teared up when she saw him. She missed him but, more importantly, she also RECOGNIZED him. She knew what had happened, she knew the aftermath of what happened and Subaru doubted she was there for the consequences, so she must have learned about it herself or had been told. So why wouldn’t she know how long he was in prison for? And even stranger…

“Why do you ask?” Subaru questioned.

That shouldn’t have been her first question.

Meili’s breath caught in her throat. “S-sorry.” Meili sat down normally again, expression serious and… concerned? “It’s not like me to beat around the bush. I just wanted to confirm. You can go back in time, can’t you?”

"...What?"

Later...

Subaru jumped from tree to tree as Meili rode a Guiltylowe through the forest. Under the effects of Murak, movement…. Well movement wasn’t actually easy but he could keep up with Meili by placing his feet carefully. Every so often Subaru would crash into a tree or get his foot stuck and plummet straight downwards, nearly killing or injuring himself many times. During one such occurrence, Subaru took a bit to recover mana and rest.

“Are you sure you don’t want to hitch a ride?” Meili asked in concern.

“I’m sure that I do want to.” Subaru clarified. “But I can’t.”

As Subaru had figured out from the cultists and confirmed when Meili stepped closer to him, Subaru had acquired Haphephobia at some point during his interrogations. The fear of being touched. That meant that he literally couldn’t get closer than at most 2 meters from Meili or any of her Witchbeasts without having a panic attack. He hoped that restriction didn’t apply to Beatrice… or Emilia… or Rem. 

That’s why they weren’t heading straight for the mansion but for Arlam village which would be a good place to reintroduce Subaru first, not to mention safe. Out of everywhere to hide, Meili spent time there the most. She usually stayed with Petra and Fredrica. Meili genuinely had checked her surroundings for any sign of the Lust through her bat Witchbeasts but there was a reason that she checked the Capital despite Witch Cultists being more active there.

“Petra had asked me to keep an eye out for you. I didn’t really think I’d find you.” Meili sighed, sitting down casually on the Guiltylowe.

“Why were you happy to see me?” Subaru asked.

“...Huh?”

Subaru spoke, “I mean, I really wasn’t… ‘good’ to you. We imprisoned you, killed the closest thing you had to family, the only thing I did was talk to you and sew plushies for you. I’m surprised you even kept touch with Petra, let alone… not kill me on sight.” 

He didn’t even pause. It was like he’d asked the question a hundred times.

“I will do it now if you want.” Meili said with a dark expression, Guiltylowe growling at Subaru. Seeing that Subaru didn’t flinch, Meili and Guiltylowe went back into a resting position. “Tch, how boring”

“Sorry… I’ve gotten good at sensing hostility.” Subaru explained.

Meili scoffed. “Don’t sound so apologetic. Jeez, is that what you spent your time doing instead of escaping? Thinking about all the things that you might have done wrong?”

"...."

"...."

"...."

Meili’s expression darkened the longer Subaru hesitated to answer; eventually she looked away with tears in her eyes. “Od Laguna.You’re messed up, you know? More than Elsa ever was.”

Subaru smiled, finally getting enough energy and mana back to consider himself ready to go. He stood up, casting Murak on himself once more, becoming weightless. He jumped to the trees once more.

“Sorry for bringing down the mood.” Subaru started

Meili interrupted him, not looking at his face. “It’s because you were nice.”

“Huh?”

“It’s because you were nice to me. Before, Elsa was the only one that was nice to me, besides the Witchbeasts but… they had to be nice, it’s my divine protection.”

Subaru opened his mouth to speak but Meili wasn’t done.

“At first, I thought that it was normal, if someone as crazy as Elsa could be nice to me then, surely everyone would be. Maybe it was normal.”

“It is, isn’t it?” Subaru asked.

“Kind of. The village was nice to me. I didn’t get gifts or anything, but it was nice. The Camp wasn’t particularly fond of me. I could tell Beatrice only tolerated me. And Emilia tried her best. But only you and Petra actually liked me and were genuinely nice to me.”

Meili took a small breath.

“Things got harder when you were gone, the camp was on edge. The village is still on edge. Hell, even knowing you’re alive… I’m nervous. I… don’t really know how you feel about me after… the time you spent. I don’t really want to go back to when I didn’t even have Elsa on my side. When you go back, do you miss the bonds you made?”

Subaru was a bit shocked at the vulnerability that Meili was revealing. “Yeah. Gluttony was an extreme version of it. But it always hurts.”

“Does it ever get easier?”

“...No.”

Meili fell silent but Subaru smiled.

“I can’t really pat your head right now. Or… even get much closer to you. But if no one else does, then I’ll be sure to love you enough for the whole world.”

Meili’s face became red as she looked in the opposite direction of Subaru. “Is that a promise? Fanged Onee-san says you were a 'habitual promise-breaker'.”

“Fredrica said that? I guess I’ll just have to keep this promise then!” Subaru said confidently.”

Meili snickered, still looking away to, unsuccessfully, hide her blush. “You were stuck in prison for a long time. Now you’re back and you’re already back to old habits.”

The forest was filled with laughter. Subaru was glad that Meili was with him, it was proof that his past life was still here. He’d lost it all once, he didn’t want to lose it again. White hair or black, bruised or healthy, he was going to get it back. And that started by reuniting with his former friends. And that included the knights, even if that started with him beating them bloody first. He wasn’t sure how he’d hurt Reinhard yet but he’d figure it out. 

He was free now. And he didn’t plan to waste that freedom at all.

Chapter Text

“Almost at the village,” Meili called over. “I’ll send a signal.”

A few bats flew ahead and upwards, clearly visible through the trees as the Guiltylowe roared. A few minutes later, they were at Arlam Village. Meili walked into the clearing. She had to leave her Witchbeasts behind, due to the barrier still surrounding the village that blocked them. Meili couldn’t have the village being attacked while she wasn’t present. Although, she seems to recall trying to convince Frederica to let her bring in Witchbeasts regardless.

Petra and Frederica walked out to greet Meili who put on her best neutral smile.

“Welcome back, Meili.” Frederica told Meili as Petra wrapped her in a tight embrace.

“Did you find anything?” Petra asked, of course, she wasn’t expecting Subaru to have been found but generally knowing what was happening in the city.

Meili feigned a frustrated sigh. “The Witch Cult is getting bolder, they attacked someone in broad daylight today. But I stopped them.”

“What?” gasped Petra

“Why did you risk your safety?” Frederica asked, knowing how much Meili had risked just to check the Capital daily, Meili was still terrified of ‘Mother’ but she had braved that fear simply to look for Subaru.

Meili’s poker face began to slip as she teetered idly. “Weeeelllll.”

“She had good reason,” a voice called out from behind.

Petra and Frederica ’s eyes widened as Subaru fell from the trees, slowly deactivating Murak. He had white hair instead of black from stress. His eyes were red, from crying and lack of sleep and his eyebags reached his cheeks. His body looked cut and bruised, recent wounds from his fight and his struggles to move through the forest and some faded scars adorned his body. Frederica and Petra had been there for the execution, he was even worse then. But still…

“Subaru!” Petra dashed past Meili to hug-tackle Subaru.

Meili’s excited restlessness suddenly paused as she tried to stop Petra and was replaced by the silent horror of realization. “WAIT NO!”

Subaru was still vulnerable to physical touch, if she hugged him now, he’d have a heart attack. Fortunately, Frederica reacted quickly, grabbing the relatively small girl before she could touch Subaru; who had tripped backwards and was now shivering on the ground, clutching his heart and trying desperately not to pass out.

“S-s-sorry. I…” Subaru tried to speak.

“I’ll explain, Onii-san needs to get himself together.”

Meili pulled Frederica back a few paces. It didn’t take very long to explain, or for Subaru to be back to a relatively normal position. But he was still slightly shaken. Petra and Subaru were now stuck in an endless loop of apologizing to each other. As Meili and Frederica spoke.

“So the Witch Cult saw him and just attacked? No regrouping, no one told anyone else nothing?” Frederica asked.

Meili nodded. “I double checked with my pets when Subaru and I were talking. Also, Subaru’s senses have gotten a lot better since he was first imprisoned. If he doesn’t think that anyone else was watching him, I’ll be inclined to believe him.”

Frederica pondered for a bit. “How long would you have to be tort... trapped to gain senses like that?”

Meili tensed subtly but slightly. “Senses like that are trained with experience, judging by how harsh he was treated, he might not have been in that prison for much longer than 2 months even if he went back.”

Frederica glanced at Subaru. “Do you really think that?”

Meili looked at Subaru as well. He was beaten, bruised, and bloody. He was tired. Meili used to be an assassin, she saw the damage that was caused by Subaru’s fight. She already knew that Subaru was smart, even before his name was erased. But he had used the environment like a seasoned fighter, he had used Yin magic like he had practiced it for much longer than he had.

Frederica watched as Meili gently pulled a purple shard of crystal out of her pocket, a piece of the former cultist that was crystallized by Subaru’s Minya.

“Why do you have that?” Frederica asked.

“I don’t know. I just… felt like I should pick it up when I looked at it."

And for some reason, maybe some theory or instinct, she held the translucent purple crystal up to her eye hesitantly. She looked at Subaru and suddenly became stiff.

“No, no I don’t think that….” Meili shivered as she spoke nauseously.

“Are you ok?” Frederica asked as Meili swallowed back vomit, falling to her knees.

Meili just shook her head and shivered, mouth filling with vomit once more. Frederica gently took the fragile crystal and placed it in front of her eye, hoping to figure out what had caused this reaction. The world looked mostly normal, just purple and. She was able to see some footprints in the ground, some scars on her hand that had long since healed.

Right, Minya is the arrow of stopped time, it makes some sense that looking through it would show the past. Meili had quite a few scars and cuts when Frederica looked through it. More than a normal person would have in a lifetime. Although Meili was both a former assassin and was raised by Witchbeast, so it wasn’t much of a surprise to see wounds all over her body. Though it did make Frederica feel a bit sad. Frederica looked at Natsuki without the crystal and gritted her teeth, was already in poor condition. Meili had seen horrors when she was 13, she was 15 now. What did the crystal show her?

Frederica brought the crystal to her eye.

She had to see.

She turned to Subaru

And for a moment, the crystal showed Subaru without the purple tint.

Frederica collapsed to her knees like Meili, not able to hold in the vomit, she threw up over herself, this alerted Subaru and Petra. Frederica wanted to inspect Subaru, but she's end up hurting him. She wanted to heal him, but she didn’t have the ability to. She wanted to comfort him, but she’d end up scarring him further.

“Frederica ! Meili!”Subaru and Petra called out in sync, running up to them. Subaru’s phobia not allowing him to get very close.

The two girls had now ruined their clothes with whatever they had eaten earlier today. Frederica pocketed the crystal, not willing to let Petra see what they had. Meili and Frederica tried to look up but when their eyes landed on Subaru, they could still see what the crystal had revealed.

They saw sword slashes running across their body, veins glowing unhealthily, eyes removed, bones shattered, misshapen or misplaced. Chain cuff imprints adorning their neck, wrists and ankles. Handprints from people grabbing his throat, crushing his limbs, restraining him forcibly from behind. Burns, cuts, breaks, tears. Literal hundreds of injuries overlapping each other. It was a literal shock to the mind to even start to comprehend where they started. The emotional distress from seeing him so… so… tarnished

They felt something was wrong when they forgot him, they knew. They’d tried to understand. They tried to figure out why. Why things were different, why their friends were acting differently. Why things had fallen into place like they did. When Subaru’s name returned, it hurt more than anyone had expected. The fallout was so much stronger than anyone had anticipated. The world had fallen into a silent and almost invisible apocalypse. It was so much more than Subaru’s death

They didn’t realize it but they had managed with the wounds. They had coped, they had learned to live with the guilt. They learned to deal with the loss. They managed to deal with the fallout. But the images on Subaru, now burned into the back of their eyelids as if taunting them with the words: “It was your fault.”

The healing wounds in their minds reopened.

And just like what happened when Subaru had died.

The world was first stained with red.

And then world was stained with black

Chapter Text

“What happened?” Subaru asked Petra as they both inspected Meili and Frederica who were now trembling on the ground, unconscious.

“I-I don’t know. This never- They were fine before!” Petra said in a panic.

“Hey, hey. Calm down…” Subaru said, trying to soothe Petra. “ Let’s… let’s get them to the village.”

“But you can’t-” Petra started.

“We can’t LEAVE them here, something’s wrong. Besides, they're unconscious. I can deal with an unconscious girl for 5 minutes. You carry Meili, I’ll carry Frederica .”

Subaru was right, he was TECHNICALLY able to hold Frederica . But with much difficulty. If Subaru could use Murak on Frederica , carrying her would have been easy. But his body and mind were already rejecting the idea of being near a living being so despite his best efforts, he wasn’t able to cast spells. He tried to give her a piggyback carry next but as soon as her body weight was leaned against him, Subaru nearly dropped her in shock. In the end, Subaru had to resort to a bridal carry, which wasn’t ideal since Frederica was larger than he was and Subaru was still visibly uncomfortable from the proximity.

Petra grit her teeth “Are you-?”

"Quickly, I can't hold her for long."

Subaru was right, he couldn’t hold her for long. He was still out of experience when it came to moving his body and while the body usually got stronger when it healed, Felix had made sure that wouldn't happen. Even though his body had healed to an extent when he had reached the capital, Subaru was still silently hurting all over. So he was out of practice, in pain and having a small panic attack. He tried not to show it but even with his perfected poker face, Petra had already seen how Subaru felt. It hurt to realize how scarred he was.

Regardless, Subaru was running out of stamina quickly but still long enough to bring Frederica to Arlam Village and into a bed in Petra. No one actually recognized Subaru but they looked concerned nonetheless. His wounds, scars and burns would give anyone pause. The only reason Petra hadn’t mentioned it was because she was so happy to see him again, even if it was in this pathetic state.

When Subaru managed to place Frederica into the bed that she had been using during her stay, he’d forgotten that Petra was in the room. Actually, it was less that he had forgotten, and more that he was entirely unaware of his surroundings. As soon as Subaru had placed Frederica down, all of the stress from even being near her was immediately released in the only way Subaru knew how. His entire mind blanked and when he came back to his senses, Petra was desperately trying to restrain his arms.

“Please come back to your senses, Subaru!” Petra cried, tears running down her senses.

“Alright, I’m back! I’m back!” Subaru almost yelled.

Petra fell off of him as Subaru pushed her away in a panic. He immediately apologized, reaching a hand out instinctively and realizing… his forearm was bloody, both were. Actually, it wasn’t just bloody, he was used to scratching himself to the point of dizziness. But this was different, Subaru hadn’t just scratched his forearms, he'd actually carved into his flesh, causing blood to spill onto the floor and now bloody skin to start peeling off. He was lucky that he hadn’t hit a muscle.

“...Crap.”

“Crap? That’s all? ” Petra said, slowly standing up, face stained with tears. “Subaru, please…. Please don’t do that again… We can’t… I can’t lose you again… please…”

“I… I’m sorry.”

Subaru was banned from interacting with ANYONE until further notice. No friend or foe. No lover or rival. No witchbeast or spirit. He couldn't touch or even THINK of touching something that was alive until further notice. Petra had made an executive decision that Subaru had no choice but to follow. They had planned to redebut Subaru to the village but they had decided The only people that knew Natsuki Subaru had returned were Meili, Frederica , Petra and Petra's parents who had expressed great delight and curiosity about Subaru's return, to the point that it was a bit difficult to avoid them hugging Subaru before they had managed to explain his situation.

While Petra changed Meili and Frederica , who had thrown up over themselves before fainting, into new clothes Subaru had taken a bath and changed into one of non-bloody or tattered tracksuits that Petra had painstakingly sewn for the past year. Subaru was surprised at how similar they felt but it was a relief to not have his old tracksuit, now bloody and carrying unwanted memories. Subaru would burn it the first chance he had, leaving his body’s scars as the only physical reminder of the cell he left behind.

Before Subaru stepped out of the bathroom, he took out the crystal that he’d pilfered from Frederica , just before he’d mutilated his arm. Thank goodness Petra didn’t notice while she was trying to restrain him. He realized its effects when he’d seen his hand through it… or his bloody and mutilated limb. Looking at himself in the mirror with the crystal he truly did look horrible. Subaru grimaced but didn’t look surprised.

“So I’m why they fainted. Thankfully, the injuries are only from this loop.” Subaru said, pocketing the crystal. “Although I didn’t really need to become MORE disgusting to look at.”

Subaru left the bathroom, only spending 5 minutes there in total.

“Fast.” Petra said, seeing Subaru walk out of the bathroom with newly bandaged arms.

“I couldn’t stay in the bath for long,” Subaru said, arms wrapped around himself. “The water felt… invasive. Brings back bad memories. Many bad memories”

Petra had concerns about what kind of memories but didn’t push the issue. Petra and Subaru were now in the living room, ironic I know, about to talk of his situation.

“So… Roswaal told you.” Subaru started.

Petra nodded her head. Subaru didn’t think he’d reveal Return By Death, even if Roswaal didn’t know what the trigger was. He must have told the Emilia Camp to give them some hope that he’d return or that he wasn’t dead. Neither was correct but in the end, Roswaal had given him a way back to the camp through Meili and had saved him some trouble with the Witch Cult.

Petra smiled slightly. “I was really surprised. Going back in time, what scary power.. “ Petra paused. “Although, I doubt you used it often. You came out of almost every dangerous situation worse for wear. Although, your recent one has been the worst out of all of them. It took me longer than I would have liked to clean my hands from your blood.”

“Yeah, sorry about that.” Subaru mumbled.

Petra sighed. “Don’t apologize, just… don’t even THINK about getting too close to anyone until you need to.”.

“Right, anyways. What happened to Arlam Village?” Subaru asked, “Meili mentioned that the people were on edge but no one even talked to me. Despite my….”

“State of being?”

“Harsh… But yeah. They used to be more… affectionate,” Subaru thought aloud, “Actually, I’m pretty sure I saw some weapons outside?”

Petra hesitated, looking away from Subaru, but decided to speak, “There… have been problems since you left. The village is both a victim of people who… well, to be frank would rather let you be forgotten and to people who think you were directly betrayed.”

“So I caused the village to have a target on its back,” Subaru groaned.

Petra sighed. “The victim-blaming is disconcerting and the way you’ve phrased your sentence is flawed but in essence, your statement is technically valid.”

“You sound like Ram…”

“Sorry to say this but if you’re going to be so needlessly cruel to yourself then you haven’t really left your prison. You’ve just changed the torturer.”

“I take it back, even Ram wouldn’t be this harsh.”

“Subaru, you should know that I can’t forgive anyone that speaks ill of you or harms you so cruelly.”

“...Even if it’s me?”

“Especially so,” Petra nodded.

“Sor- No… Thank you, Petra,” Subaru smiled.

Petra smiled back. “Any time!”

Chapter Text

After his talk with Petra, Subaru walked around the village. A lot of the houses were torn down in the time he was gone and moved closer to the village center. Some by choice and some because of destruction by repeated attacks. Actually the ground was basically full of  pitfalls, making movement across difficult. Subaru would have fallen in them if he wasn't paying attention. Although, he wasn't quite sure how he was avoiding them even then. It seems that magic had been used to fully conceal the holes but Subaru had instinctively avoided every one.

"Hm... I should ask Beatrice about this."

Eventually, Subaru moved back to Petra's home. It seemed that his new clothes had been imbued with a similar kind of magic that Emilia's cloak used to have. The main difference was that instead of concealing his identity, they concealed his existence, making it harder to notice him altogether. Unless someone was on-guard, looking for him, or he stood out too much. So, while the trapped meadow didn't raise any red flags, it wouldn't be able to be used for sneak attacks or infiltration, at least not easily.

After getting back, Subaru placed the crystal in a drawer and promptly fell into bed. Subaru had expected to have trouble falling asleep. After all, he had spent years on a cold, dark, cruel and hard stone floor. If he had trained himself to sleep on that, with a learning curve, then with his luck then he'd probably struggle to get comfortable on anything else. Fortunately, his luck was better for his first night of freedom and for once, he fell into a dreamless slumber.

And as Subaru fell asleep, Meili and Fredrica awakened at the same time. Looking at each other from their beds, it had been a while since they’d moved here so they’d gotten used to becoming roommates. However, they were still a bit nauseous but at the moment they didn't remember why. Although when they’d sat up, the image of a bloodied Subaru had appeared in their minds. On empty stomachs, bile filled their mouths instead of half digested food but they managed to swallow it back in. Cloth wasn't victimized this time but now their tongues had been stained with a bitter taste.

"An assassin fainting from blood. I'm losing my touch," Meili tried to laugh at her own joke but it came out hollow, she didn't throw up looking at the blood, although that too had left an unpleasant taste in her mouth. “I’m going to brush my teeth.”

“I’m going to take a bath.” Frederica added.

Ignoring the food set at her bedside that Petra had likely set, both girls climbed out of bed. They'd emptied their stomachs but their appetite was ruined. Hopping out of the bed, Meili rubbed her eyes vigorously before stretching her arms above her head, not unlike what Subaru had sometimes entered her room to do in the past. He'd woken her up with the routine many times, seemingly with no rhyme or reason for when he'd do it and make her join in. It kept her active, she'd give him that. Although, he was very much disruptive of her sleep. Meili scratched her arm gently as she recalled the memory fondly.

"Did you feel guilty back then too, Onii-san?" Meili asked Subaru despite him not being present. 

Meili placed her hand on the doorknob to the bedroom, rubbing her shoulder against the door handle to open it and Frederica pushed the door closed with her back. Meili bumped her legs into some furniture as she made her way to the bathroom, opening the door by pressing her forehead against it as she turned the handle. She moved to the sink and looked at herself in the mirror. She scratched her head as she looked at herself. Normal. Nothing about her had changed physically. However, the swallowed vomit made her feel dirty. Although gross things like blood and vomit had never bothered her before, she felt the need to clean herself. She started to brush her teeth, gums and everywhere she could reach inside of her mouth vigorously, trying to get the disgusting feeling out.

"Onii-san was the one to bring toothpaste to the village I think," Meili thought aloud, trying to distract herself. "Minty. I don't think I like it."

“Then why did you brush your teeth this time?” Frederica asked, walking into the room with a new set of outdoor clothes for herself and Meili.

Meili didn't usually brush her teeth, usually cleaning them by washing it with water and picking her teeth with sticks in the forest. She still held some habits from her time being raised as a Witchbeast.

“The feeling in my mouth is gross.” Meili responded, Frederica silently nodded and handed Meili a fresh set of clothes. “I didn’t ask for this but thanks.”

She nonetheless took the new set and finished brushing her teeth, rubbing her lips against them for good measure and left the room for Frederica to clean herself. Like Meili, Fredrica still felt dirty so she practically dived into the bathtub and scrubbed herself vigorously, she somehow felt even itchier and dirtier than when she woke up. But it was fine, she'd just have to scrub harder, she could deal with it. There wasn't even anything wrong, it was all in her head after all. It's just a feeling. Frederica climbed out of the bathtub. She rubbed the towel on her skin desperately, the filthy itch had spread beneath her skin. Invasive. The worst part is the feeling wasn't foreign, it came directly from within her mind.

"It's fine, it doesn't hurt or anything," Frederica said in denial rubbing her eyes again, "Actually, no I'd rather be in pain."

Pain was natural to her. Maybe not as familiar to her as it was for Meili but it only meant something was wrong with her body but something she could fix, or at least heal from. Itchiness was a glitch within the system. Something that triggers the need to remove whatever was causing the itchiness, even if it was harmless. But nothing was on her skin, the itchiness wasn't even real. It might have started as something real when she had looked through the crystal but it wasn't anymore, now the itchiness was her own mind betraying her. She resisted the urge to bite off her skin as she changed into her outside clothes, readjusting them as she walked.

"Why'd they have to remove his fucking eyes?" Meili mumbled, already changed, stepping outside with Fredrica as she rubbed her eyes. She was going to brush her skin against whatever leaves she could find in the forest to get rid of the damn itch.

"Huh?"

Except they hadn't walked outside, she walked into the room that Subaru was sleeping where Petra was readjusting his bandages carefully, trying not to wake him with only some faint candlelight. Or at least she was, before Meili started mumbling about eyes.

"Sorry, it's nothing," Meili dismissed her previous comment before seeing the slightly bloodied bandages Petra was holding. More concerning were the extremely bloodied bandages that Petra had clearly taken off of his arms before.

Despite the fact that Subaru's injuries had indirectly caused her itchiness, it had now been moved to the back of her mind and was replaced by concern.

"Alright What happened to him?" Frederica asked, getting closer.

Petra scowled, looking at Subaru again. "He... He scratched himself."

Meili unconsciously itched her arm. "A bit more than scratching, don't you think?" 

Petra looked at Subaru's arms and back at Meili. "He carried Frederica to the house, he just... clawed his arms after he put her down."

Meili, seeing Subaru sleeping, itch now gone entirely. "I'll help, I know how to deal with injuries."

Petra's frown softened and she nodded in the faint candlelight. The girls silently patched Subaru’s arms for the rest of the night.

Subaru woke up in the morning to hear soft snoring. Meili, Frederica and Petra all asleep, leaning on each other. They were outside of his newly recognized personal space, even exhausted they had managed to be careful of him. Looking at his arms, they were rewrapped. New bandages were adorning his arms now. Subaru had to wonder how they'd managed this. Usually Subaru would wake up if a guard even passed by his cell. Was he just that tired? Regardless... 

"Thanks guys." Subaru said silently struggling with his desire to pat them on their heads and his fear of getting any closer. 

Subaru felt a bit a bit lethargic from blood loss so he was about to rest for a bit longer but... then he felt a light tug from within his heart.  He'd figured out what the feeling was now, or at least he thought so. It was his new check point. His checkpoints were back but now he could tell when they were set. The new checkpoint didn't actually mean that he was in danger but rather that he was safe. The question was... how safe? Subaru climbed out of bed and went outside, he hadn't changed out of his tracksuit so he was already ready to go outside. So he grabbed the crystal from the drawer.

Subaru started by checking the village for anything that was off, everything seemed about right. People were still a bit on-edge seeing as there weren't many people outside and some people were on patrol, checking around the village. Of course, no one was stupid enough to check through the forest, after all it was practically filled with Witchbeasts, the only way to get through there were with Meili. Roswaal HAD cleared many Witchbeasts a year ago but that wouldn't last, especially with Meili in the area. Subaru wouldn't be surprised if there were even more Witchbeasts than before. Someone would have  to be insane to go through there.

...Right? 

"Murak." Subaru became weightless.

He had to check, just in case.

Subaru ran through the trees. Checking for anything unsafe HAD been a good plan, he wasn't willing to relent on that front. His gate was certainly enough to move through the trees using Murak. And it wasn't particularly to move while tired and out of practice but it was fine. He could certainly still move through and scan a significant part of the forest. He might even be to look through the entire forest if he jumped high enough.

But he couldn't.

Well, he could. But he'd also die before he hit the ground. Because the Witch's scent had called all the Witchbeasts in the area to give chase.

"Shamac!" Subaru shouted, sending black smoke to cover the area around him.

Subaru dodged to the ground as the bat Witchbeasts crashed into the branches above him. Now he was faced with the Witchbeasts on the ground. Subaru was trying not to kill them, never mind that Meili wouldn't know. He wasn't in the business of killing any more than he had to. And he had plans to kill an entire cult, he was limiting himself there. Subaru took a wide dodge to the right to avoid a Wolgarm by 5 meters. He weaved through trees trying to get some distance.

"Come on, come on." Subaru muttered. "Shamak!"

More black smoke, Subaru jumped back to the tree branches. If nothing else, this was a good way to reintroduce his body to movement, magic and figuring out his new restriction of not getting close to living things. He was terrified at first but he quickly formulated a plan to get out of the swarm. He had already circled this area 4 times to make sure that he had all the Witchbeasts in this area following him. Now all he had to do was trust that he had enough mana for this plan. Subaru planted his feet on a particularly sturdy branch. Murak was still active but he'd still only have one chance to do this. Everything was in place. Subaru jumped as high as he could. 

By Subaru’s count, there were about 60 flying Witchbeasts after him. Landing wasn’t going to be an issue, he’d already ensured that the wind would carry him to safety. At least as long as he could knock down the bats, birds and flying rats that were after him. 

“Here we go!. Vita!” Subaru shouted.

One bat started to slow in the air, gravity rising for it, causing the ones nearby to crash into it. They hadn’t fallen yet but they were close enough. Subaru cast Vita again, sending a bird crashing into it. Then 5 more Vitas sent the beasts all crashing down but as long as they had Subaru’s sent they’d still chase. So there was one last spell to cast.

Subaru yelled out. “SHAMAK-SAN! SHOW THEM WHAT YOU GOT!”

And in an instant, all the beasts chasing Subaru had lost his scent as he was fully blown away by the wind.

“Now I just have to watch out for the landing. This part should be easy. I’m pretty sure I’m too light to take fall damage anyways.” Subaru told himself.

He already knew the general area where he’d be landing and now that was left to check the surroundings before going back to the village. Wait… Shit. There were a minimum of 400 people moving through the forest and worst yet, they had weapons.

“An invasion.” Subaru grunted. 

On his landing, Subaru moved further into the forest. 

Chapter Text

Subaru grunted, annoyed. Already on his first day out of prison he had died twice and was forced to fight 5 cultists. That would be bad enough, Subaru had never used Return By Death on something so menial before. When he died before it was due to Roswaal’s machinations or an Archbishop. If he was going to die twice to 5 cultists then what was he going to do against the entire cult? 

Worse yet, now there was a mass of nearly 500 people. Subaru’s first thought was that this was an invasion of Arlam Village but he had hoped that he was jumping the gun. Maybe it was for something else? 

He couldn’t actually think of anything else. Especially moving through the forest, the only reason to be moving through the forest would be to move somewhere while unseen. There would be no reason to move through here. Even without the Witchbeasts, this area was not good for traversement. Only someone particularly agile, like Emilia and himself with Murak or had a mount as versatile as Patrasche or a Witchbeast.

“Patrasche…” Subaru mumbled, quickly shaking his head and regaining his focus.

Regardless, neither of those would gain any benefits when moving with half a thousand people. So they were sneaking up something or someone, and only a single village came to mind. Subaru considered moving back to the village immediately. But revealing himself this early made him feel uneasy. Especially if the invaders retreated. If word of Subaru’s return got out then he’d be screwed. Maybe, not by the knights… Well, most knights.

“Move on.” Subaru told himself, unwilling to linger on that thought.

His name had returned so any ‘normal’ knights wouldn’t be assaulting him. The problem was that if his DEATH caused multiple civil wars then his life would be even more dangerous. That was a problem that he would have to solve later when he had his camp minimum and ideally when figuring out where the other camps were. 

At the moment though, revealing himself was a bad idea. He’d managed to pass by when he carried Frederica but he hadn’t made direct eye contact with anyone. If he went back now then his name would be spread if anyone even called out or looked at him in battle. Was it likely? He wasn’t sure but he wasn’t going to take chances before he observed the group.

First things first, how are they avoiding the Witchbeasts? Subaru took a deep breath and dived into the shadows. Silencing their steps and stepping weightlessly through the trees, and trying to ignore the numbing pain in his arms, Subaru began observing the small army. 

If Subaru had any doubts about this being an invasion, he didn’t have them anymore. The group was in a battle formation. Rather than swords and spears in the front, there were simply large shields that were certainly making the trek to the village slow but with them it would practically be impossible to break through their ranks with force. In any other scenario the pitfalls would disrupt movement but there barely seemed to be a close-ranged weapon in the area. The attack would be at range. Subaru wasn’t sure if they had a way to pass the pitfalls directly but as long as they kept using ranged attacks then they would simply have enough time to get through as the villagers would be forced to take cover.

“How meticulous.” Subaru whispered to himself. “El Vita.”

“URGH!”

The gravity and mass on a large branch increased, causing it to snap off of a tree from its own weight. The heavy branch slamming into the heads of a few people had knocked them out and forced the entire army to give pause to treat as Subaru jumped to and hid in a different tree, continuing to analyze, using his tired arms to keep himself steady..

“Barrier crystals.” Subaru noted as he looked at the outline of the invaders. “So this is why they were willing to get through here. They must have taken or observed one from a different invasion.”

Subaru would have liked to nip the invasion in the bud now. But he’d run the risk of being seen if he engaged too much. Even if he did…

Subaru held the Minya Crystal up to his eye. He had been hoping that it would reveal the Witch Cult somehow. He was sure they were here in some capacity, definitely not all of them but enough to string the operation along and control the narrative. Unfortunately for him, the crystal didn’t. Well… at least not directly. When looked through the crystal it showed former injuries and scars that a person had but none of that was actually relevant. 

However, Subaru had found something that WAS relevant. Every Witch Cultist had a book hidden somewhere on their person. Their Gospel. Even when disguised as a normal person, they needed to keep it. As Beatrice had once said, it is the foundation of their faith. In fact if not for Lust’s interference, he wouldn't have been arrested at all. How frustrating. 

Regardless, you likely wouldn’t be able to tell who was a Witch Cultist even by observing a book, the books were hidden too well for that, under clothes, in pockets, behind shields, within weapons. But the crystal could be used to tell what exactly was Gospel. Not only was the crystal able to reveal if clothes or weapons were modified to hide something but also Gospels wouldn’t be able to be seen through the crystal.

“So the future-seeing book and past-perceiving crystal cancel each other out leaving a void where a Gospel would be.” Subaru observed.

That meant that any changes unrelated to the past through a crystal meant that a Gospel was there. That usually meant a slight shift in a pocket, a minor bend in a weapon, a slight change in body shape. Almost unnoticeable. Unless you spent 3 years with perception being the only difference deciding if you survived one hour or three days. 

That aside, Subaru can tell where most of the Gospels are. Every person with a barrier crystal seems to be a cultist and there were around 25 crystals in total. The range of the crystals seem to be around 20 meters, seeing that it was the range where Witchbeasts would be blocked and quickly lose interest. But… what if they didn’t lose interest? Then wouldn’t the army be forced to move back? Fortunately, he had just the way to do that.

“Let’s do this, Satella.” Subaru said, still hiding in the trees and ensuring that he wouldn’t be heard. “I can Return by Death.”

“...?”

Subaru had clutched his heart to prepare for the pain. But it never came. He was entirely unharmed. The restriction of Return By Death had disappeared. Either that or Satella wasn’t watching him. Subaru would have felt conflicted about his painful safety net being gone but had more worrying things to deal with.

His initial plan was to use Return By Death's restriction to attract Witchbeasts with his scent. Even if the barriers stopped them, it would be difficult for the army to progress. 

“So that won’t work. I’ll stall them once more then.” Subaru mumbled. “El Vita.”

A chorus of tree branches snapping filled the air as another branch caused a chain reaction, sending multiple heavy branches into the army. Subaru left the group behind as a clamor of swears filled the air behind. He had another plan forming, he just needed some help.

“I really really hope you can still trust me after all this time,” Subaru sighed before nearly crashing into a bat Witchbeast. “Crap… Huh?”

Subaru had prepared to run but paused. The bat wasn’t attacking him but instead flew away towards the Arlam village. Meili was looking for him, and if she was looking for him then Petra and Frederica were as well. 

 “...They wouldn’t do THAT, right? I’ve only been gone for half an hour.” Subaru tried to convince himself but his gut told him otherwise. 

20 minutes ago at the village

Frederica woke up on the floor, sitting down against the wall, as Petra and Meili were leaned against either side of her, they'd spent quite a bit of time readjusting, reapplying and fixing Subaru's bandages, being very careful not to wake Subaru up. It was... comforting. It had been a while since they had all done things together, Petra had been a strange mix of depressed and determined. Not only that but the entire village seemed to have taken a similar feeling. A kind of tired energy of 'We have to do this.' The camp was split, outsiders had attacked the village repeatedly and people had died. The only thing that really kept them going was the memory of Subaru. Hence why the village was actually renamed Natsuki Village, thinking about it made Frederica smile. Speaking of which, Subaru didn't actually know of the...

Where's Subaru?

Frederica pushed off of the wall and stood up in an instant, causing Meili and Petra to fall over, headbutting each other. In almost any other circumstance, Frederica would have apologized but she didn't even realize that the two children's heads had collided; she was just looking around the room in a slight panic. Even as the girls were bundled up in pain.

“Where’s Subaru?” Frederica asked with urgency

The girls were no longer bundled up in pain.

“What!?” Petra said in distress.

Meili was already out of the room, looking for him throughout Petra’s home, waking Petra’s parents up in the process. Pretty soon the entire house was in a panic; a very messy panic.

“Onii-san’s still injured! Why would he…? Where did he go?” Meili asked.

“We should tell the village,” Petra’s dad suggested.

“But him being here is a secret.” Petra refuted.

Frederica shook her head. “Let’s look through the village first. If we can’t find any trace of him then we’ll ask the villagers for help. Meili can you-?”

Meili was already running towards the forest, fearful tears in her eyes.

“Ok, fine. Let’s go.” Petra said, also running out of the door.

Present

Subaru watched from the trees as he watched the entire village call out for him. He knew that they would have to have been informed eventually but this was ridiculous, he wasn't even present for it. Worse yet, they only just learned that Subaru was alive and they were already worried for him. He wasn't even gone for very long. How would he even re-enter the village without being swarmed?

"Just my luck." Subaru said, tapping his foot on a branch.

"ONII-SAN!" Meili yelled in relief as she jumped off of her Guiltylowe mount. 

Subaru ignored her as he continued to stare at the village. He muttered something under his breath.

"Subaru?"

"30..."

Meili tilted her head in confusion. "What?"

"I was gone.... FOR THIRTY MINUTES!" Subaru yelled out, loud enough for the villagers near the edge of the village to hear.

Soon enough, Subaru's personal space issue had been explained to the villagers. With some difficulty, Subaru was able to organize the villagers so that Meili, Petra and Frederica were close enough for him to talk to but allowing the villagers to hear him. 

"Don't you think that you think that you were a bit hasty in revealing that I was here to everyone?" Subaru asked.

Meili and Petra shook their heads as Frederica spoke. “With all due respect, Subaru-sama. In the year following your death, it would not be an exaggeration to say that it was the worst year of our lives. It would be best if you remained close to us.”

Subaru looked unimpressed “So basically, you panicked because you didn't know where I was…” 

The three girls became a bit redder and stopped making eye contact. 

Subaru sighed. “I appreciate your concern…”

“Are you ok?” One of the kids asked from the back.

“What do…? Oh right, I do look different, and I'm guessing that I don't look like I'm in top condition. White hair, bandaged arms, bruised pretty badly. Um… I-I know that sounds bad but I'm ok. Wait, you don't know what that means. I'm alright. Things… really went south when I was gone… It's been a while.”

The village elder, Milde Arlam, spoke up. “Where have you been, young man? It’s been a year since we've last seen you.”

“I’m not sure… I was in prison one day then woke up in the Capital. I wasn’t there for the… everything.” 

Subaru answered questions for the next 5 minutes before cutting the questions off.

“Alright, stop!” Subaru shouted out before taking a full minute to breathe. “That’s enough. Sorry… my lung… capacity is lower than before.”

Petra raised her hand. “One more question. Why were you gone today?”

“I had to check the forest, I had a feeling so I checked the forest.” Seeing Petra, Meili and Frederica’s concerned faces, Subaru realized what that implied. “Nothing actually triggered the feeling, I just thought I should check.”

Frederica and Meili untensed but Petra knew that look on his face, a look of hidden concern. The same look he had when he saved her from the burning mansion. “Did you find something?”

Subaru hesitated and stepped back, seeing a dangerous glint in Petra's eyes. Petra stepped closer

"Did you find anything?:

Subaru muttered something under his breath, Petra's glare intensified.

“About 500.”

“I KNEW IT!” Petra yelled, furiously.

"How do these things keep happening when you're around, Onii-san?" Meili asked. 

"Guess I'm just that lucky," Subaru groaned, "I-I need Petra, Frederica and Meili."

"I'm actually kind of surprised it was that easy." Subaru said, landing back to the ground in front of the girls after jumping to the air to ensure that they were going the right way.

"Well, the last time we didn't lis-"  Meili started but stopped after seeing Subaru, Petra and Frederica look unimpressed. "Tough crowd."

"You remembered what that means." Subaru noted, understandably surprised that his Subaruisms were still being remembered but then he paused. "...Did my loan words last longer than my name?"

Meili snickered as Frederica and Petra sighed. But in the next moment, all four were visibly put off by this realization, Frederica tried to divert the conversation

"Anyways this IS the first time, right?" Frederica asked.

"Oh, you'll know when it's not...." Subaru grumbled.

"You could have simply answered yes." Frederica pointed out.

"You said it like there's a tell," Meili pointed out, "What does going back even feel like?"

Subaru grimaced, calling back many, many painful memories. "Urgh. I don't want to get into details." 

If Subaru did, then he'd risk them figuring out the condition. "But it's... kind of like being dunked underwater."

"Dunk?" Subaru's companions asked.

"I really haven't changed that much, huh?" Subaru said, "Being submerged quickly in water. A bunch of memories just crashing into me an instant. It takes a while to register"

"That sounds difficult." Frederica said.

"It's... manageable." Subaru half-lied before looking at Petra "You look like you have something to say."

"I thought I hid it pretty well," Petra pouted, "Um... why didn't you tell us."

Subaru laughed bitterly "Well at first it was just dangerous to let people know. Then I tried and found out that there was a restriction on talking about it. The restriction is gone now though which means I'll have to be more careful with my words."

"What's the restriction?" Petra asked.

Silence.

Meili tilted her head. "Onii-san?" 

Subaru remained silent.

"Subaru-sama?"

Subaru mumbled something under his breath.

"Huh?

"Heart gets crushed."

"WHAT?" all three girls yelled.

"Hush!" Subaru whispered, "We're almost there."

"What do you mean your heart gets crushed?" Frederica whisper shouts

"I mean it hurts, alright? I won't die..." Subaru explains.

"That's not-" Petra started.

"I didn't choose to get the restriction, I didn't even ask to get the power. Spare me the pity, please."

There's a moment of silence.

"...Onii-san can't stop us from worrying about him," Meili said, "If you love us then you'll let us do that at least."

Subaru remained silent for a bit before nodding solemnly. He couldn't see it as he was looking forwards but the girls smiled behind him. Suddenly, Subaru stopped, raising his hand and motioning the group to stop.

"Everyone get into position. We're here."

Chapter Text

It wasn't a secret that the Lugunican Capital was simply a prison of fear. It was simply that no one wanted to admit it. When people walked outside, they'd risk finding a protest, an argument, a fight. And they'd be expected, encouraged, required to pick a side. Worse yet, sometimes they had a side. A side they wouldn't be willing to give up for their life.

After Natsuki Subaru's death there was chaos. And one would think that the chaos would die down. That after some time the chaos would end.

It didn't. Not with the Witch Cult. With the people rioting, and knights preoccupied, the Witch Cult had a fog. It had a way of being hidden. People fought, people killed, people raged. 

They fought, killed and raged because of a horrible, horrible mistake. The knights were expected to be strong and righteous. The Council was expected to be wise and intelligent. The camps were meant to be a force of good and peace.

Natsuki Subaru was not simply a knight. Even if his camp had not won then he would have been remembered as the killer of the Witch Cult's archbishops. He showed a change of fate where even the weakest of men could make a difference for the better.

He wasn't a symbol of righteousness, his debut had shown that.

He wasn't a symbol of strength, he was beaten quickly and soundly.

He wasn't a symbol of wisdom, he had gained nothing from his first actions.

He wasn't a symbol of intelligence, there's so much he didn't know.

He wasn't a symbol of good, no person that supported the half-elf's camp would be considered as such. 

He wasn't even really a symbol of peace, he always fought for something, never relenting once.

He was a symbol of change for a better future.

Until he died.

Then he was righteous for showing the corruption of the knights, the council, the Royal Camps

Then he was strong for fighting a battle he could not win and standing strong even after defeat.

Then he was wise for recognizing the folly of the Knights, the Selection, the Council.

Then he was intelligent for he made his mark before he could be erased.

Then he was good for he fought against corruption until his final breath.

Then he was peaceful, for choosing to trust each and everyone of them and letting them become better.

Then he was killed. His trust was betrayed.

That was the narrative the Witch Cult chose to bring forth.

They played the villain to make Subaru the hero.

They played the victim to make Subaru seem like the victor.

They played the cowards, attacking when Subaru was gone.

They played the fools, letting Wrath remain in prison until Subaru had disappeared.

They played the catalyst, letting the people be furious that their savior had been killed.

They played the mastermind, directing anger, dividing the people.

They had played the world and let it eat itself from the inside.

The Witch Cult had planned the circumstances perfectly. After numerous attacks on the newly named 'Natsuki Village' they'd managed to cause tension within the capital to be at its highest. People would be furious at the village that Natsuki Subaru protected from being destroyed. People would be happy that the village that had left him to rot would have justice. People would be indignant that Natsuki's name would be destroyed once more. People would be joyous that the ones who stole the man's name for their dead village would be punished.

Now, the cult truly intended to set the bomb, that they themselves made, off and let the world riot. Draw out the half-elf, draw out the artificial spirit, draw out the camps. And tighten the strings they had around Lugnunica's neck.

All of that was a bit much for a village girl. Watching the entirety of the army march towards her home. 

Petra hid silently behind the trees, wearing a cloak enchanted by Roswaal to hide her presence. If she drew too much attention to herself, this would all be for nothing.

She was really glad that Subaru had decided to rely on her but was really dreading her part. Because if she messed up, then no one else would be able to do anything in Subaru's plan.

At best, they’d be forced to retreat to the village for a last stand. At worst, Subaru’s existence would be revealed to the Witch Cult.

So they needed to make this look like an accident at worst and a self-sabotage at best. Subaru’s plan would work only if everyone played their part perfectly.

The reason that Petra was particularly stressed about her role was because it was extremely precise. If she was just a bit off, she would be revealed. 

But she also couldn’t panic, because yang magic had the weakness of becoming ineffective depending on the user’s mental state. So if she couldn’t control her emotions then it wouldn’t matter if she was precise. But that thought didn’t calm her down, she started to lose control of her breathing.

A voice from the trees called down to her. “Hey, hey. You don’t have to do this if you don’t want to.” 

Petra paused for a moment and looked at Subaru. “What will you do if I can’t?”

Subaru pondered for a moment. “I’d probably use Vita to break off tree branches and shatter the crystals that way.”

“Risky. And more suspicious.” Petra countered.

Subaru nodded thoughtfully “True, I might just try to go back to the village and make a plan involving them. A final stand.”

“People will probably die.”

“I could try again…”

Petra narrowed her eyes. “You know, I realized something weird about you.”

“What is it?”

“You don’t want us to worry about you.”

Subaru stopped moving, he wasn’t moving much before but now he stopped. “Isn’t that natural?”

Petra looked at Subaru as if he'd transformed into a Witchbeast right before her eyes. “...No? If that were true, then why would you be worrying about everyone else since you met Meili? Isn't that hypocritical?”

Subaru opened his mouth to reply and then closed it. “I… guess I just forgot what it was like to have someone care.”

“That’s a bit sad. I can’t really hug you right now. Or… even get much closer to you. But if no one else does, then we’ll be sure to love you enough for the whole world.” Petra said, smiling. Unknowingly copying almost exactly what Subaru had told Meili.

Subaru smiled and looked away, embarrassed. “Huh… so that’s how that sounds. Well, if you’re that determined then you’ll do just fine. So let’s do this.”

Petra nodded and aimed her finger at the army and waited for her signal.

And she didn't have to wait long. The army stopped moving as a pack of Wolgarms past by, trying to attack the army but was blocked by the barrier. 

Petra whispered, "Jiwald."

The end of Petra's finger glowed white and a beam of light was fired at a barrier crystal while the holder was distracted, shattering it instantly. The two years of magic training showing their worth now. Petra and Subaru grinned as part of the invisible barrier shattered and the Wolgarms ravenously devoured the cultist's body, splattering blood and viscera gruesomely. Then stopped before looking at each other.

"Are you ok with this?" They both asked each other before laughing quietly.

Petra had been in her village for almost a year following Subaru's death. Seeing blood, gore and death wasn't a rarity for her anymore. It was painful, it was cruel. She lost friends and family alike. So when it came to any attackers of her village dying, Petra did have empathy for them but it was muted. But when it came to a Witch Cultist, a member of the group directly responsible for Subaru's execution.

Likewise, Subaru had died repeatedly trying to survive in his cell. He had already seen his death and every individual organ in his body be removed, become destroyed or simply boil inside his body. He wasn't numb to his death but as for the Witch Cult. His only real regret was not being able to kill them himself.

"This is messed up..." Subaru said, still grinning.

"It really is." Petra confirmed, pointing again. "Jiwald."

Another crystal shattered as the cult tried to push the Witchbeasts away from the group with a crystal; causing the cultist to fall over and quickly be devoured.  

"Get AWAY! FIX THE BARRIER!” A leader in the army called out.

“THE CRYSTALS ARE BREAKING BY THEMSELVES, WE’VE BEEN SABOTAGED!” Subaru called out in a disguised woman’s voice, forcing Petra to cover her mouth to prevent her laughter from being heard.

The entire army was already panicking, simply due to the death of two cultists. One of the Wolgarms gripped a fallen 'Gospel' with their teeth and flicked its head, causing the book to strike into the crowd.

"A blank book?" someone in the crowd questioned.

"IS THAT A GOSPEL?" Subaru called out in a disguised voice, causing the entirety of the crowd to grow unsettled.

"A gospel?" 

"Why is there a gospel here?"

"Focus! There are more mabeasts here!"

It was deflection but it was true, more and more Witchbeasts were starting to reveal themselves, preying on the would-be invaders. Only Witch Cultists had died, and that was a calculated effort on Meili's part. Carefully, observing the situation from the trees. 

The attack was convincing. A crystal shattered and then the mabeasts attacked the closest person before the barrier was resealed. But that wouldn't last. Eventually it would become clear that the attack was targeted, regardless that the knowledge to control mabeasts were only available to a select few.

For an entire year, former members of the half-elf camp had protected the village. After some time, each would need to leave for some reason or another. A requirement for each not to stay in the same place for too long, lest they draw attention. 

Not of the Witch, of the general populace. The fact that the most controversial camp was protecting a village would be enough to paint it as a target.

So the camp had to be discreet, ensure they were never protecting them too strongly, make the village look abandoned, and be forced to let people die.

The Witch Cult had caught the camp in a trap and with the destruction of the village, war would rise once again. Theories, anger fights. All rampant again.

The Witch Cult would realize quickly that the crystals weren't breaking at random, it only took one mistake. So the longer this facade went on, the riskier it would be for them. 

So they'd make an unbelievable present. A scenario so unbelievable that the only option left would be to believe it. A scenario so insane that no person would orchestrate it for they would have nothing to gain and so out of left field that the camp couldn't orchestrate it.

Subaru's plan didn't simply involve saving the village. Or even preventing rumors from spreading. Subaru planned to redirect the rumors. 

And that started by using the three camp members that had almost no notoriety or fame.

An assassin that had remained unknown for years due to using mabeasts to be unsuspected.

A young village girl, turned maid, that knew a spell faster than could be tracked by any normal human. 

And a maid that while known, had a lesser known ability that allowed this plan to work perfectly.

A roar emanated from the forest, causing the Wolgarms to look up from their meal and suddenly become wary. Or at least that was how it seemed to an outsider.

A large yellow leopard beast jumped out of the forest, Frederica had made an appearance.

The only way this could be more perfect would be if Otto, who arguably held less fame than any of them, was involved.

Regardless, Frederica jumped into the fray. Moving between the army and the Witchbeasts. 

"Jiwald." Petra whispered again, shattering another barrier crystal.

"Hold off for now, let them regroup for a bit." Subaru called out to her. "We're aiming for a retreat, not a massacre."

Petra nodded. Subaru wonders what exactly happened when he was gone to make Petra this unapologetically bloodthirsty.

Frederica protected the army, headbutting, clawing and biting Wolgarms that got closer. Roaring periodically to scare both the Wolgarms back (really only signaling Meili to make them retreat before she was inflicted by a curse) and scaring the army back. A few heroic people tried attacking the Wolgarms to let the hole in the barrier be fixed.

But quickly more and more mabeasts started to appear, seemingly having a truce with other mabeasts to feast on the humans. 

"Now." Subaru said, prompting Petra to shatter another crystal while no one was paying attention to it.

The Witchbeasts tried to launch forward to attack the cultist but Frederica and the army managed to fend them off for a few extra moments.

Pretty soon, some of the army was figuring out what was happening. There might be foul play involved but the Emilia Camp wouldn't be the perpetrators, it would be the Witch Cult. There would likely be a lot of suspicion, and for once the suspicion would be beneficial.

The army called for a retreat once they had patched the barrier, so now that no one else was destined to die. Only 4 cultists had died, but now they'd sewn doubt. And now, that doubt would buy time.

Subaru's plan had worked flawlessly.

After ensuring that they really were retreating, Frederica (with a fresh set of clothes) Meili, Petra and Subaru all regrouped.

Subaru grinned, looking at two bloodied gospels that weren't taken back. "Well, that worked out even better than I expected. I hope we can use these somehow. We should check on the mansion, right? I doubt it but it might also be under attack"

"Right, but there's one thing to do first," Meili said

"Go back to the village?" Subaru asked, "Wasn't that a given?"

"Two things then." Frederica said.

Seeing Subaru tilt his head in confusion, the three girls threw their hands in the air and yelled unapologetically.  "Victory!" 

Subaru took a moment but then doubled over laughing, they had used the ending of his aerobic exercises for a victory chant. It had been so long that he'd forgotten it. Subaru lost breath quickly, almost collapsing but then also his hands in the air.

"Victory."

Chapter Text

Otto Suwen and Anastasia Hoshin sat down across from each other, a table separating them. Behind Anastasia, Julius stood solemnly and did not make eye contact. This was due to two things. 

First of all, his spirits had ascended to full spirits after he had reformed his contract with them. This, in theory, was a good thing. His power should have dramatically increased. Unfortunately, this outcome would only be if his situation was ‘normal.’  

When Subaru was imprisoned, Julius had been recreating his past bonds. Things were fine, he had regained a fraction of the people’s trust and his spirits were happy.

But then, Subaru was executed. Putting Julius’ guilt aside for later, the Witch Cult’s attacks had become frequent but indirect. Starting riots, enhancing and encouraging terrorism, and erasing names. The last of which was especially difficult to track, making avenging Subaru an increasingly difficult task. 

Worst yet in their current situation the knights, or rather former knights, of the kingdom were absolutely required to step in and stop such situations. This was bad enough with the public against them, resulting in the deaths, quitting and complete betrayal of knights; but it was especially bad for Julius, who needed to maintain his relationship with his spirits.

This resulted in Julius both sacrificing time to sleep and being forced to lose time with his spirits, who as complete spirits, now had an even stronger sense of will and intelligence. Julius’ divine protection and spirit affinity allow him to naturally be liked by spirits. However, it did nothing in terms of letting his own spirits get along. Hence, it was only natural that his attention would be fought over even when he had none to give. 

Julius was low on sleep and time. In order to even function, he needed to use ‘In’, his yang spirit to provide him with energy, this requirement further hurt Julius’ spirits’ relationship. So Julius was effectively required to interact with his spirits while he had free time. This was the first reason he had not made eye contact.

The second reason was because of his shame. Subaru had been the reason that Julius was able to reconnect with his allies and friends. Otherwise, Julius would have likely run away and tried to fix his name by himself. That made Julius feel even worse about his treatment of the boy he was hoping to befriend. Both when his name was erased and before. If it were up to him, he would have been dead the very second of his execution. In fact, that was how it would have ended, if not for Anastasia’s intervention.  

Julius would have said that he was forever in her debt, but as time went by it became increasingly clear to him that Anastasia relied on him just as much as he relied on her. Anastasia had the world crumble around her, at present her only true assets were the Iron Fang and Julius himself. As the Hoshin company was both literally and figuratively burned to the ground.

Both of them had become each other’s reason to live. And each other’s hope. That made it especially difficult now, facing both of Natsuki Subaru’s brothers. Who if they had their way would have absolutely no qualms about killing Julius or both of them if Anastasia tried to defend him. 

With their spirits, there would certainly be a fight but with Anastasia and Julius near complete exhaustion from stress and work alike, their end would be inevitable. So it was a good thing that they were currently holding back the Witch Cult together and that they were also managing with their own sense of guilt, regrettable as it may be.

After Subaru’s death the camp grew apart, but not out of pain or blame.  The camp was better than that. It would be a lie to say that the camp members, or really anyone who was formerly involved in the royal selection, was stable; however they were all very willing to work together and assist each other. In fact, they still were working together very closely. But they’d grown apart out of necessity. Not only were members suited and therefore necessary for different roles. But also, staying together would risk being seen. And if people recognized that members of the Royal Selection were still working together… Suffice to say, it was best for members of every camp to stay as far away from each other as possible unless they were in a safe place.

Which is why only Otto, Julius, Anastasia and Garfiel were in this meeting. They needed to manage the Witch Cult’s activities and still needed some strength as insurance. Otto and Anastasia had truly, truly been attempting to ensure that the Witch Cult did not have full control over the economy, lest their connections strengthen. It was growing increasingly difficult to restrict them or even locate them.

Rem and Julius' names and memories were released when Subaru died. Roswaal, Anastasia and Otto theorized that this was due to Subaru. Somehow, his death had backfired to release the names closest to them. This theory was further validated by Anastasia’s damaged but functional information network.

Regardless, it meant that Rem was awake and capable of sensing cultists. However, much to her (and her sister’s) dismay, the cultists that they could find were heavily involved in keeping the capital ‘stable.’ If they were removed then others could take their place but the act of removing them would risk not only backlash but also would simply result in another cultist taking their place.

It would be one thing if Anastasia was still in control of the Hoshin company but their situation was dire. So their only choice was to manipulate the market.

“What are the dangerous items on the market?” Otto asked.

Julius handed Anastasia a paper. “Thank you, Julius. Let’s see. Flannel powder, a drug that makes a person less aware and more ‘agreeable’ instead of simply getting them drunk. It’s being used to convert people to different factions, if it’s left on the market for long there will be a riot. So we have Gaston, Rachins and Camberlay of the Felt Camp to investigate.”

Otto nodded so Anastasia continued. “Hexcel is also being sold, most of it being used to make even normal people capable of casting higher level spells. Seems it’s even being used to turn people into suicide bombs. It might be best to improve our defenses against such attacks.”

“Most of the suicide attacks aren’t even from cultists, are they?” Garfiel asked from behind Otto.

Anastasia glanced at Julius who shook his head. “We didn’t find any remnants of a Gospel among the remains and according to you, Rem wasn’t able to recognize any of the attacks before they happened.”

“According to us?” Otto questioned.

The air in the room dropped by a few degrees. Julius swallowed and bowed slightly. “Please forgive my phrasing. I only meant that if they were then Rem would have likely seen them.”

“No, don’t apologize. I’m just… tired. We all are,” Otto said before looking through a nearby window, nose starting to bleed and his speech started to slow. “Oh… I’m already overheating… Sorry, I’m getting distracted.”

Otto stood up and spoke with alarm. “The cult is getting closer, we have to go NOW. Garfiel, give an exit.”

“On it.” Two pillars of Earth destroyed two holes into the roof and quickly retracted, Otto and Garfiel stepped next to each other, preparing to be launched out of the roof through another piller

Anastasia also stood and looked at Julius. “Crap. Julius?”

Julius quickly picked up Anastasia in a bridal carry. “Understood. Nes, Shamac!” The room was filled with smoke and was evacuated before they were seen by anyone outside. As the Witch Cult ran back to the hideout that Otto, Julius, Anastasia and Garfield used as a meeting place, they would hear Garfiel yell a battle cry and Julius call Al Clarista, resulting in the building collapsing on the cult members. 

Otto gave a tired and jaded smile. “Alright, Garfiel. Let’s go to the next meeting place.”

Ram didn't hate the Witch Cult when they attacked her village.

Now, that might be a strange thing but really, she didn't. When it came down to it, Ram took vengeance against the attackers of the village and the person who cut off her horn with help from Roswaal but that wasn't really for herself. She had done it both out of principle and to avenge Rem's pain. In fact, she didn't even miss her horn. She was in a constant state of pain now that it was gone and struggled with even the simplest of tasks but she was really glad that it was gone.

With the horn, she always had to resist the urge to kill and fight. This urge became stronger and harder to resist as she aged. If not for the horn being cut, it was truly possible for Ram to lose her sense of self and simply become a killing machine. She'd risk killing her sister.

Aside from her horn, she truly did not care for the village. Her very first action in existence was threatening to kill every single one of them should they harm her sister. So naturally, she didn't truly feel a sense of companionship. Even her parents, who had praised her endlessly and took care of her, did not truly invoke a sense of loss when they died. Perhaps due to their feeding of Rem's inferiority complex or perhaps the burden of being the second coming of the Oni God was too much for her.

Much like Roswaal, Ram believed that the Oni Clan was doomed regardless of the Witch Cult unless their principles were to be done away with, at least they would if Rem was to live a life free of judgement and comparison. If it was for her, the loss of her horn and the entirety of the Oni Village was a small price to pay. Even if the literal destruction was too far. Although Ram herself would be the first to admit there was a reason that there was only one village left to be destroyed.

In any case, Ram's initial hatred of Roswaal was due to keeping Rem as a hostage and his manipulative actions to purposefully lead to the village's premature destruction. Those feelings had since faded and when Rem's name was erased, her complicated feelings towards Roswaal were entirely gone, she truly and uncompromisingly loved him. And they didn't return when Rem's name was back either. Ram had resolved herself to save Roswaal from himself. Although with time, her love for Roswaal had changed in nature, now more of a love for a guardian or parent than... whatever it was before. She had believed that her love for Roswaal was only dwarfed by the love for her sister. 

But when Subaru's name returned, Ram was more furious at his death than relieved that her sister had returned despite Rem being brought to the execution in her wheelchair. This was especially true when the Witch Cult attacked, almost immediately after his execution Ram and Rem had immediately entered an enraged state, despite Rem's weakened state.

Ram didn't hate the Witch Cult for attacking her village. Causing the death of her colleague, her friend, his sister's hero, her brother.  That was unforgivable. 

It wasn't simply a moment of anger either, that rage she felt that day had not faded in the slightest. If it was not for Roswaal, who now had taken the role of supervisor and caretaker now that his title as Margrave was effectively null, Ram and Rem would have gotten themselves killed in days.

There had been very few days that Rem and Ram were not actively hunting for Cultists. The worst part was that they were not even able to kill the numerous cultists that they could find, instead having to report their findings to the other camps. Which was also difficult, since both Ram and Rem had nearly attacked Felix and Julius every time they saw them. In Roswaal's words, Ram had somehow gained a similar instinct for Subaru as she did for Rem.

Roswaal also said that there was a chance that Subaru would reappear at some time in the future. The idea was theorized when Subaru's body was burned to ash almost instantly. It was unnatural. Even further confirmed by Clind not seeing a soul within Subaru's body at the time of his execution, nor Puck being able to sense his emotions.

That was meant to give hope to the former camp members. But neither Ram nor Rem truly cared. Regardless of Subaru's hopeful eventual return, it was undeniable that the Witch Cult,  especially Gluttony, Lust and Wrath, had caused Subaru's imprisonment, torture execution. Simply out of principle and to quell the anger in their hearts, Ram and Rem had attempted to avenge him the best they could. Unfortunately they were not able to kill most of the cultists that they found, there were too many and they held positions as such merchants and leaders that would be difficult to remove cleanly. 

Ram and Rem were reaching the end of their patience. However, unbeknownst to them, Subaru had extended them an olive branch. On their way back to the mansion, Rem smelled the Witch Cult. Roswaal, Ram and Rem all hid near the forest before seeing a small army returning to the capital with barrier crystals.

"How strange... Barrier Crystals... Those are only useful against Mabeasts. They must have been planning an attack on the village juding by their numbers and weapon choices," Roswaal whispered before enhancing his hearing with Yang magic. "Hm... interesting. Rem, how many of these people are Witch Cultists?"

Rem sniffed the air before wincing at the smell. "Rem estimates that about 10% of them are cultists. So just below 50"

Ram scowled. "Roswaal-sama, I beg you. Please let us execute them."

"Ok."

Rem and Ram flinched at this, Roswaal almost never allowed them to remove the cultists. It was almost always risky. And certainly not with witnesses.

"They're arguing about cultists. Whatever caused them to retreat, also revealed that there are cultists among them. We won't get a better chance to control the narrative than this," Roswaal stated, "Be careful, I'll step in if things become dangerous."

Ram and Rem smiled. And stepped out into the open, revealing themselves. The army tensed immediately, seemingly preparing to attack.

"I am Rem, former maid of Roswaal L. Mathers, former member of the Emilia Camp and one of the few surviving Onis."

"I am Ram, former maid of Roswaal L. Mathers, former member of the Emilia Camp and one of the few surviving Onis."

The two spoke in sync. "It has come to our attention that you were planning an attack on Natsuki Village, named after the knight of the former Emilia camp."

Rem revealed a morningstar from her dress and smashed it on the ground. "Your actions are an insult to my hero, Natsuki Subaru. And threatened the lives of the people he protected."

Ram revealed her wand and pointed it at the army. "Your actions are an insult to the name of my colleague... No... Your transgressions have sullied the name of my brother, Touto-su. Hence, my sister and I will administer your punishment"

Rem summoned her horn and Rem began to channel wind magic. "Total annihilation against the cultists in your midst!"

Puck had also reappeared before Subaru's name had returned. And his contract with Emilia was rebuilt, much to the relief of Emilia and Beatrice who had formed a contract with. The new contract being much more beneficial to both of them.... Or it SHOULD have been.

The oh-so-annoying time restriction had been gone away with and there was no longer a need for Emilia to avoid seeing her reflection. And a few of the other stipulations of their contract were less intrusive. Puck didn't actually HAVE to make the active decision to choose her hairstyle every day but he still enjoyed doing so. However, a few of the details that Puck thought reasonable were now actually difficult to perform. 

For example, talking to her lesser spirits every morning and evening was necessary for her spirits to remain content and to provide an extra layer of protection, even if Puck could now materialize at any time. Emilia always, ALWAYS struggled to wake up. She slept like a baby, and would wake up nearly an hour before actually finding the strength to actually get out of bed. This often forced Puck to literally push her out of bed in the past. 

That was always a strangely fond memory for Puck but now it was actively nostalgic because at least then, his daughter didn't actively resist getting up. Emilia was now constantly and consistently depressed. It was an actual risk to their contract, and Puck had to basically fight Lia every. single. day. 

Worse yet, she was skipping meals. She was so depressed that she was actually struggling to take care of her body. Puck was essentially forced to take care of her. Which he was going to do regardless but was still concerning.

His only saving grace was that if someone was in trouble, Emilia would stop nothing to ensure their safety. In the end, after her will was sapped and her heart fractured, her desire to help people was still there. If only it extended to herself

 “Roswaal… I hope that you were right about it.” Puck found himself saying.

Puck hadn’t been wrong to entrust Emilia’s safety to Subaru. He had done wonders for keeping her safe, killing the sin Archbishop of Greed to protect her had proved that. Subaru had done a good job, and Puck was genuinely thankful about it. But he had made the mistake of letting him get executed. 

Puck didn’t remember him, no. But he should have stopped the execution sooner. The moment that Puck realized that Subaru was not feeling any emotion, an impossibility for any cultist but ESPECIALLY an Archbishop, whose Authority required strong emotions to work (compatible or not), should have raised red flags. And Emilia’s increased sense of ‘wrongness’ during the execution should have also raised red flags. 

It was truly a horrible scenario, her knight had catalyzed the destruction of a kingdom if not the entirety of Lugunica. And there wasn’t anything that could be done to stop it. Emilia and Subaru relied on each other for a sense of comfort and understanding, Puck truly wondered how unlucky Subaru was. 

First, his name had to be erased by Gluttony.

Then, a sin Archbishop had pretended to protect him and declared him an Archbishop of Pride. 

Then Subaru’s spirit, Beatrice, had to somewhat fill the hole that Subaru had left behind for Emilia and Emilia had to do the same for Beatrice. 

After that, Emilia also could not use much magic during the time that Subaru's name was gone otherwise Puck would not have been able to fully materialize again and patch (but not fix) the hole that both of them had in their heart lest they realize that someone was missing. 

Note: The requirement of Emilia not using much magic was also necessary to be fulfilled by their failure to reach the Watchtower, which would not be the case if either Beatrice remembered the spell that she and Subaru created, Emilia had cast magic to mark their way out of the adventure to the Watchtower (this idea was formed by Subaru) or any event requiring Emilia to use magic had been occurring because logically, Beatrice’s mana consumption as an artificial spirit should have kept Puck away for longer, however Emilia has an insane mana capacity.

It was so hilariously unlucky, that Puck couldn’t help but laugh bitterly. Emilia and Beatrice were basically forced to protect the mansion by killing off cultists that attempted to get close. No non-cultist came closer because Beatrice had created a spatial distortion barrier around the mansion, similar to the one near Pleiades Watchtower. No one she didn’t want to get in could get in. Unless they had a Yin affinity or had a way to disrupt the barrier (which the cult often did), in which case Emilia, Puck or Beatrice would be forced to pick them off or scare them off if they only just happened to have a Yin affinity. (That only happened once)

But that wasn’t the worst part. The worst was Beatrice and Emilia’s relationship. The memory of the time they had been contracted with each other had become a parasitic memory removing positive memories of each and draining their emotions energy. Hence, Beatrice needed mana to maintain her spatial distortion barrier and Emilia had the mana capacity for it. But the action of draining/giving made them much more hostile to each other. Because to them it was a representation of their failure. Because to each other, they were a representation of their loss.

So on a day when Beatrice was particularly tired and she sensed an intruder. She happened to see Emilia first, and in her current state… well…

“Minya!” Beatrica shouted, launching purple stakes at the half-elf. By the time she had realized her mistake, it was too late to cancel the spell.

“Huma!” Puck defended against the attack by creating an ice barrier around Emilia and himself. 

When the barrier dissipated into mana, Beatrice had an apologetic and surprised expression. An expression which she quickly hid when Emilia looked at her with an angry and betrayed expression.

Emilia spoke with so much fury and volume in her voice that even Puck flinched. “BEAKO! YOU’VE REEEEEAAAAAAA~LLY CROSSED A LINE!”

“You’ll have to forgive Betty, she is a bit tired today, I suppose.” Beatrice claimed dismissively. “And do NOT call me that, in fact.”

“You’re LYING!” Emilia accused, crushing the ground beneath her foot. “Spirits can’t get tired unless they have low mana or a time limit on their contract.”

That wasn’t wholly true, if a Spirit’s mental state was bad enough then they could also face the same effects as being tired but before Puck could clarify this, Beatrice countered.

“You have no right to accuse Betty of anything, I suppose.” Beatrice said, turning away.

“Beako…” Emilia growled, getting her attention. “We used to be friends.”

Beatrice’s eyes grew cloudy. “...No, we used to be acquaintances. My contractor loved you, he loved Betty too, in fact.”

That broke Emilia, tears started to run down her face. She screamed, dropping the temperature surrounding her by a few degrees.

“DON’T TALK ABOUT HIM LIKE HE’S GONE!”

“Lia, please.” Puck tried to say before Beatrice screamed back.

“HE IS GONE, IN FACT! WE KILLED HIM, IN FACT!” 

“Betty, that’s…”

“SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP!” Emilia covered her ears and instinctively summoned a barrage of icicles, pointed at Beatrice, who created a barrage of Minya crystals in response.

“NO!” Puck tried, but he had reacted too slowly, the attacks were fired.

…And dissipated before they could even meet.

Beatrice’s eyes widened. “That’s… that’s impossible, in fact. Only one other person knows that spell, in fact.

Emilia stopped covering her ears and her eyes widened, seeing someone appear at the center of the deconstructed mana. “S-s-s”

Puck gave a tired laugh. “You couldn’t have come back at a better time.”

Despite the near-disaster he just prevented, the person couldn’t help but smile. Subaru pointed a finger toward the sky and said softly. “...I’m back.”

Chapter Text

Before going to the Mansion

Subaru and co. returned to the village where they were greeted with open, but reasonably distanced, arms.  They would have to go and tell them of the invasion force being repelled and they were due for an actual reintroduction to Subaru. Aside from the Emilia Camp, these people probably missed him the most. So naturally, even if he couldn’t be touched, a reunion was necessary.

"What is our situation? Did everything go well?" the village elder asked.

Subaru nodded. “The invasion is over, we won. You should be safe for some time. 

The elder turned towards the other villagers, leaving Subaru in temporary confusion for a moment. 

Milde Arlam raised her arms and shouted out. “3! 2! 1!”

The entire village chanted. “VICTORY! FOR NATSUKI VILLAGE!”

Subaru smiled but then grimaced in confusion. “Wait. Wait… Natsuki Village?”

The Elder nodded. “Ah, yes. After your… Well I can’t say execution anymore, can I?” 

Subaru winced slightly. “I don’t think it would be wrong, but disappearance would be more accurate I guess?”

Arlam smiled empathetically. “We named the village after our village’s hero.”

Subaru’s face was unnaturally pale from his treatment in prison but it was suddenly stained with red. “Ah…”

“We have to thank you. And… well, we’re glad you’ve returned even if you’re… in a less than ideal position.”

Subaru rubbed the back of his head bashfully. “Thanks, I appreciate it.”

Petra’s mother spoke. “We should be thanking you. We expect that you’ll have your hands full. If not out of obligation then simply from knowing your luck.”

“....Ouch.” Subaru groaned as the villagers laughed hollowly.

“But we’d appreciate nonetheless if you would stay for a midday feast.”

"Finally food, it's been a while since I had good food," Subaru thought aloud, “I’d love to.”

"Huh..." Frederica mumbled, Subaru really hadn't eaten since he'd gotten back so it makes sense that he'd want food. But also, realistically he should be starving. After all, Subaru didn't have a slow metabolism. That... that meant something but she couldn't really place her finger on it. Regardless of Frederica’s concern, the villagers decided to have a mid-day feast for the celebration of Subaru’s return.

While the villagers were setting up, Subaru decided to refamiliarize himself with the village’s new layout. It had been a while since was here last so he had to check. Meili went with him to make sure he didn’t wander off again. It was really more for her own peace of mind than his safety.

“Less than ideal position…” Subaru said, looking at a lock of slightly grey but mostly white hair.

“I wasn’t expecting you to be so bothered by this Onii-san.”

“You'd be bothered too if you can't tell whether your hair's grey because it's dirty or because my hair was black. I can't remember if it was and pictures don't exist in this world so I can't check without asking." Subaru thought before responding, "It's just ironic, you know?”

Meili smirked. “Yeah, I get it. Honestly, I didn't think you'd come back.”

“Really now and here I was hoping I could still be trusted” Subaru half-joked.

“Trusted, huh? I don't know. All these people are happy to see you back. You repelled an invasion without your trump card. It's a bit late to be worrying about that now.”

“Trust is something I haven't had in a while.” Subaru reminisced as he looked around.

The village was more densely packed now, probably due to other invasions threatening the outer house, or killing the villagers dark as a thought as that may be. There was a short stone wall around the village too, about Meili's height. Probably good for any extra protection and a good place for cover. 

Subaru ran his hand along the wall. “I didn’t see too many bow and arrows in the village, it seems like that would be good for the wall." 

“The walls are newly constructed. We’re working on placing Earth Lagmites in them so they can’t be destroyed easily. As for the bows and arrows, Otto and Garfiel are out for a few days to collect them, with some help from Julius a-" Meili stopped, seeing Subaru flinch at the name before chuckling to himself.

“Right. Of course he would still be alive, I'd be disappointed if he wasn't," Subaru said, somehow both bitterly and with humor. "So how's our finest knight been?"

"..." Meili took a moment. "...His spirits are currently having a fight and well... you've heard about the trouble, he's still involved. Of course, with the royal selection cancelled, he's no longer a knight."

“Huh. The bastard must be drowning in guilt,” Subaru cracked his knuckles but flinched at the sound. "Huh... anyways. I'm hoping to pound his face in as soon as possible."

"From what I've heard, I think you both-" Meili interrupted herself, "I'm sorry- Did you just flinch because that sounded like bones cracking?" 

"Um...." Subaru stalled vaulting over the stone wall, but his already injured arm crumpled underneath his weakened body, resulting in him falling down onto the arm and then onto the side that he intended to fall on, knocking the wind out of his lungs. “Ack…”

“Onii-san!” Meili cried out, pulling herself over the wall.

Subaru struggled to suck air into his tired lungs. "I- *cough* I'm *cough* fine....

Subaru had misplaced his bandages so he was forced to shamefully retreat back to  Petra’s home and reapply the bandages. Meili had her jaw clenched on the walk back.

“Please just…. Just laugh.” Subaru begged, trying to break the silenced

Meili, who was reevaluating Subaru’s condition, was aghast. “You’re gasping for air and you spilled blood on our new wall. How am I supposed to laugh at you?”

Subaru closed his eyes to think about it but ended up not having a satisfactory answer. “I… stopped questioning it after the third loop.”

Meili sighed. “That’s a horrible thing to say and an even worse thing to go through. Why would you say that as a throwaway joke?” 

“Keeps me sane,” Subaru groaned, finally reaching Petra's home.

Before actually going in, Meili pulled Petra aside while she was helping set the table.

“Petra, I’m done. You can deal with him.” Meili said, already tired of watching the state Subaru was in. Watching how Subaru’s injuries and lack of movement in prison had affected him was literally making her skin crawl. If she stayed with Subaru any longer she’d be tempted to rip her skin off.

“Sorry…” Subaru apologized. 

Petra sighed and looked at Subaru’s arm, now bleeding through the bandages. “What did you do?”

After an explanation, and a general agreement that Subaru wasn't truly to blame for this, Petra ended up teaching Subaru how to bandage his arm properly. It was a bit difficult without actually touching him but they were making progress quickly.

“Hm…” Petra mumbled curiously.

“What’s up?” Subaru said, unwrapping his other arm since the bandages had gotten dirty over time.

“I’m trying to figure out the details behind your… injuries.” 

“What do you mean?” 

“You’re not at full strength, yet. I don’t even think you’re at half yet. Magic was able to help you move, but from some of the bruises on you, I can tell you crashed into the trees on your way here from the Capital.”

“Guilty as charged…” Subaru groaned, wincing as Petra tightened the bandage around his arm and let go before he could tell she got close. “Good call.”

“Thank you… And one more thing, Felpa.” Petra snapped her fingers and the bandages wrapped around Subaru’s arms were tinted in a mild golden light. “I’d thought that you were going to be safe without it before but I was wrong.”

“Harsh…”

“Well, now you won’t be bleeding through the bandages, I hope. Just… be careful. And don’t stray too far, this is like Murak. There’s a range.”

Subaru smiled gratefully. “Got it, Healer Petra..”

Petra stuck out her tongue. “Dummy. But as I was saying. Your strength and general constitution is definitely weaker despite your gate not being broken anymore.”

“....”

Petra squinted her eyes, analyzing Subaru’s face. “What does that face mean?”

“Well… It was worse last time I remember checking my body.”

Petra’s face didn’t change much, now in a neutral expression which was somehow scarier than anything else she could have done short of actually touching Subaru “How bad…”

“My eye wasn’t in my body last I remember being in the prison, but I can’t exactly say that, Felix probably reattached it for my execution anyways,” Subaru speculated silently, “But genuinely, I wasn’t even able to walk normally after… The fourth day,  unless I contracted with a Yang Spirit.” 

 “Subaru?” Petra asked, now smiling impatiently. Nevermind, this was scarier. 

“The signs of imprisonment faded.” Subaru was blatantly stalling now.

“What exactly does that mean?”

“Cuts, bruises, wounds aren’t there anymore but that might just be because Felix healed me.” Subaru half-lied.

“We both know that’s not what you meant, why would they even be on you when you were healed for the execution?” Petra pointed out.

“Ok, but also things that can’t be healed.” Subaru stalled for time to organize his thoughts. “Besides, I don’t remember that execution.”

“I’m sorry, THAT execution?’

“Sorry, bad joke.” 

Petra scanned his face but he stared back with fake innocence. She sighed.

“Don’t make those kinds of jokes. Anyways, things that can’t be healed?”

“Irreperably broken bones, taken organs, incinerated skin, a toyed-with body,” Subaru thought but he decided not to say that, the last thing didn’t even heal anyways. “Mana poisoning symptoms, black eyebags, white hair.”

“Those things are still there. I could still sense some corrupted mana in your body when we applied the bandages the first time.”

“So that’s why I feel weird when I cast magic...”

“Subaru.”

“Sorry, I mean they’ve faded. They were worse before I came back somehow.”

“Huh… Any chance you're willing to share about what happened in that cell?” Petra asked. 

Subaru didn't say anything for a while, a distant look in his eyes, before shaking his head. He wasn't ready to relive those memories further than he did now. Even if he was, he wouldn't have told Petra. She's smart but she's still a normal kid.

“Alright, then… how about why you came back?”

“Huh?” Subaru gave an instinctive reaction to Petra’s question.

“You…  You've been through a lot and, while I'd rather not say how some of your wounds were made, it's strange for you to come back after… everything. Unless you're just going to leave afterwards.” Petra said jokingly but she was now clutching her skirt in her hands.

“I'm not planning to lea-”

“But WHY?” Petra interrupted, “Things weren't right without you around. People were upset, we should have noticed.”

“It makes sense that you didn't know.”

“NO IT DOESN'T!” Petra shouted, not even noticing Subaru immediately move away at the sound. “We missed you even before we knew your name. We should have investigated.”

“And it still wouldn't have mattered.”

“YOU DON’T KNOW- Oh…” Petra stopped, seeing Subaru’s sad smile and empty eyes. He did know. The fact that Subaru’s here pale, bloodied, bruised and afraid was proof that he knew. The state he was in now was BETTER than the best outcome he could find. Knowing that they couldn’t save him once made the knot in Petra’s heart tighten further. 

“You… You’re incredible,” Petra sighed, resigned.

“Excuse me?” Subaru asked, “I don’t think I heard that right.”

“You’re incredible. I can’t imagine existing through that. I know you won’t tell us about what happened there but… I’m really glad you survived. And, maybe selfishly, even more glad that you came back.” Petra closed her eyes and smiled.

Subaru tapped her forehead with his fist gently, surprising Petra. “Always.”

Petra scoffed. “I appreciate the effort, but I can see you rubbing your fist on your back.”

“Sorry… couldn’t help it.”

“Welcome back, Subaru. Let’s make this stay longer than the last.”

“What did you say about bad jokes?” Subaru chuckled as they walked out of the house. 

The village was almost finished setting up, as tables and chairs now adorned the village center. With food almost prepared. Suddenly a small girl, about 6 years old, ran up towards Subaru. Petra moved to block but there was no need as quickly stopped and snatched up by Frederica to prevent another 'incident' from occurring.

"Don’t do that. No touching Subaru-sama. He's been through a lot," she admonished the child.

"Hey, don't be too harsh with her," Subaru requested before turning to the girl, "You're Vena, right? I heard someone call you earlier. What's up?"

"How observant." Frederica thought.

"Subaru, Subaru! Before your welcome back feast, can you do- C-can we all the Radi-O Calithetic? Again"

"That's not-" Subaru started, but he suddenly realized something. He didn't remember how it was pronounced either, he actually had entirely forgotten his exercise existed until he learned the village and camp had used the final chant to celebrate. "Um..." 

Subaru looked to Frederica and Petra for advice, they gave him a slightly concerned smile. “Only if you’re up to it.”

Subaru took a deep breath and smiled at Vena. “I’ll do my best. Let’s do it!”

After a few minutes, Subaru and the villagers were all in a group to perform Subaru’s forgotten morning ritual. Frederica, Meili and Petra were going to join in but were having a private conversation first.

“Is this a good idea?” Meili questioned, “He’s out of practice. He’s surprisingly good considering that. last he remembers, he was in prison. But he’s out of sync with his body.”Petra shook her head. “That’s exactly why this needs to happen. He needs to get back into… a reasonable state somehow. Besides, this is a good way to tell how he’s doing.”

Meili hummed contemplatively. “If I found someone in Onii-san’s condition, I’d kill them to put them out of their misery. Making them move more would not be my top priority.”

Frederica and Petra stifled a laugh. 

“That’s a horrible thing to say, Meili.” Frederica scolds.

“This is bad,” Petra laughs, “It’s been less than a day and Subaru is already rubbing off on us.”

“Subaru-sama certainly has a strong presence.”

“We wouldn’t be in this position if Onii-san didn’t.”

They all sighed, moving towards the ready villagers.

“Alright everyone! Is everyone ready?” Subaru asked.

After an overwhelming cheer, Subaru’s Radio Calisthenics began. “Everyone should start by stretching their limbs! Get your limbs to loosen up. Don’t copy me, just do whatever feels best for you.” Subaru said, bending down on one leg and extending the other. Subaru suddenly froze and fell backwards onto his rear.

He was really out of practice and he hadn't noticed. Regardless, he picked himself and did stretches that took less movement. After that, the exercise went surprisingly well. Subaru had to pause a few times, trying to remember what he was supposed to do next. Not only that but a lot of his examples were rigid, to the point that even he had to point out that he was doing certain exercises wrong. Regardless, the villagers were more than satisfied, to the point of requesting an encore that Subaru was too nice to deny. It was almost time for the feast to begin.

Subaru quickly excused himself to wash up before the celebration. Frederica decided to follow secretly, now that she was practically done setting the table. Besides, Meili Petra and her were a bit concerned with how strangely stiff he was. Frederica opened the door to Petra's home, after watching Subaru go in, expecting him to be in the bathroom.

"SUBARU-SAMA!" Frederica whisper-shouted, dashing over to him.

No, he was hunched over a table breathing heavily with blood dripping from his mouth.

"Sorry... Sorry." Subaru murmurs through a mouth full of blood.

"I don't think I'm the one you need to apologize to... You bit your tongue to hide the pain? I'm warning you now, I'm moving you to the sink with magic, ok?"

"Mhm"

"Good. Pita."

Subaru's body was wrapped around with a blanket of wind and was gently lifted into the bathroom after Frederica opened the door. Subaru was now hunched over the sink and had regained some of his breath.

“Thanks.” Subaru uttered breathlessly

“You were running through the forest yesterday. What changed?”

“Murak…. adrenaline…. and breaks. I had more important things…anyways…”

“I can’t believe I’m saying this but your sense of responsibility is not to be envied,” Frederica left for a moment to collect a glass of water. “Rinse your mouth out first, then drink.”

Subaru obeyed, the glass was downed in seconds. 

“Thanks.”

“Does the ability to go back make you this self-destructive?”

“Nope, it’s all natural. Help me sit down?” Subaru had regained his breath but his body was still in pain, so he could talk but was still limited in his movement.

Frederica sighed but obliged. Soon Frederica and Subaru were sitting on the opposite sides of a table.

"I didn't know that you knew wind magic."

Frederica nodded. "I learned after carrying injured villagers without harming them became difficult. How are you feeling?"

“Aching pain like this is a rare one. I didn’t think it would hurt this much to move. All of Clind’s training, all gone to waste in 2 months.”

“Such superficial worries. What aching pain was common in prison?”

Subaru’s eyes went blank for a few seconds but he recovered quickly. “Can't tell you.”

“I’ve already seen you through the crystal if you haven’t noticed, it still itches to look at you suffering. How much worse could it be?”

“The crystal has an itching effect?” Subaru asked, “Anyways, it doesn’t reveal everything clearly. Otherwise, you’d know.”

“How concerning. I've seen your eye removed from you head and yet you're implying there was worse”

"You only saw the injuries from this loop."

Frederica was about to reply but her face quickly soured from realization, "...Pardon?"

Subaru realized his mistake and stayed quiet. "..."

"That was only from this attempt? Not from the times before you went back?"

"...."

"Natsuki Subaru..." Frederica had dropped the honorific and used his full name, her tidy hair now bristling and her teeth getting sharper. She was unconsciously using partial Beastification. 

Subaru was left with no choice but to respond lest Frederica lose control. "Yeah, it's only this attempt. The only time I got that far before going back."

"So this is the best outcome you achieved?" Frederica groaned, fist now clenched.

"It could have been worse?"

"Clearly! Od Laguna, why do you hate this boy?" Frederica asked.

"Well, I'm here right? So they can't hate me that much.” Subaru finally found the strength to stand up, “Let’s not keep the people waiting.”

“Please be careful Subaru-sama,” Frederica requested.

"What's the worst that could happen?" Subaru joked.

"I don't feel like the village hero, I feel like the Archbishop of Scum," Subaru mumbled as he threw up in the toilet again.

"This is my fault, I should have known this would happen," Frederica said, standing off to the side.

Meili sat on a nearby countertop looking at Subaru's pathetic state. "Onii-san didn't even eat that quickly, he didn't even finish his serving. I think even Petra ate more than him."

Petra just paced around silently behind Subaru.

As Meili said, Subaru hadn't even been able to eat an entire serving. He was simultaneously extremely hungry and also didn't have a particularly large appetite so he ate at a normal pace. Unfortunately, as part of his treatment in prison, he wasn't given much to eat. So when he was almost done with his serving, he hurled into his plate. 

The feast was now on-hold. Subaru was suffering from refeeding syndrome so he wasn't able to keep his food down and was now experiencing weakness and headaches, forcing Petra to reinforce his body with Yang magic and for Frederica to carry him to the bathroom. The only thing worse than the vomiting was Subaru’s sense of guilt.

“I ruined the whole event…” Subaru whined in self-pity.

“It was an unavoidable circumstance. No one can blame you for that,” Frederica consoled.

“I guess-”

“If you make a joke about having to blame yourself for everyone else, I’m siccing Guilty on you.” Meili threatened.

“Got it.”

Eventually, Subaru felt well enough to go back to the village and apologize unnecessarily. The feast still went on, just without Subaru eating which made him feel better. People still asked questions, Subaru learned more about what happened when he was gone as well as the general state of the royal candidates.

Vollachia was in some kind of trouble and couldn’t be reached nor could the problem plaguing it be observed. Many knights defected to the Witch Cult, Died or Resigned, Subaru knew that a few of them were already in the Witch Cult working under Lust. Although obviously he couldn’t reveal it and be believed, nor die. So he sadly doubted that those people were dead.

He was glad that the other camps were alive though. He had a bone to pick with Julius, Reinhard and Felix anyways and any other knights that were alive. Although… he did have some knights he needed to avoid until further notice.

The feast was considered a success and Subaru was wished good luck by the villagers. So Frederica, Meili, Petra Subaru walked towards the mansion. Subaru needed a healer asap so they left quicker than they would have otherwise.

“I thought Roswaal would have rebuilt the burnt down mansion by now,” Subaru said thoughtfully, “Then again, it makes sense that he couldn’t.”

Frederica smiled. “Roswaal-sama has gotten better. He’s mostly stopped with his plotting, although that may be because he can’t.” 

Meili snickered, “With you gone, he took the position of leader from you, Onii-san.”

Subaru rolled his eyes. “I was never the leader but I’m glad Roswaal is better. I can only hope the others are doing just as well”

Petra pointed at the mansion that wasn’t burned down. “Beatrice changed the space around the mansion, no one she hasn’t allowed in can get in. Unless they have a Yin affinity. Which is convenient for us. She’ll even know that you came.”

Subaru nodded and they entered the mansion’s vicinity. And in about one minute…

“DON’T TALK ABOUT HIM LIKE HE’S GONE!”

“Oh no…” Petra muttered.

Subaru grimaced in confusion. “What the…. Emilia?” 

The Quartet started running to the source of the noise.

“HE IS GONE, IN FACT! WE KILLED HIM, IN FACT!” 

Subaru’s eyes widened, he was starting to realize what this shouting match was about.

“SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP!”

“Murak!” Subaru called out and practically disappeared; jumping away as a barrage of icicles and crystals were about to collide, negating the magic with his own as he rolled to a stop due to Murak being dispelled as well. There was a passing silence.

“That’s… that’s impossible, in fact. Only one other person knows that spell, in fact.”

“S-s-s”

“Hah… You couldn’t have come back at a better time.”

Subaru smiled. “...I’m back. Wait, EMILIA, BEATRICE, NO!”

Frederica, Meili and Petra came into view and saw Subaru go stiff as soon as he was caught on both sides by Beatrice and Emilia respectively, not fast enough to escape their group hug.

"Betty. Lia. You need to let go of him now." Puck warned.

"GET OFF SUBARU NOW!' Petra, Meili and Frederica all shouted.

"Huh?" Emilia said, not registering the order.

"What, I suppose?" Beatrice was much the same

"Get off..."

Beatrice and Emilia suddenly let go of Subaru and backed away in concern as Subaru started to shake.

"Get off. Get Off." 

"S-Subaru?" Emilia asked, backing away further out of a mixture of fear and concern.

"Get off. Get Off. Get off. Get Off. Get off. Get Off. Get off. Get Off." Subaru repeated over and over, gripping his white hair in his hands and crouching down. Beatrice tried to move towards him but didn't move any closer.

"What-?" Beatrice started before everyone around him was thrown back suddenly, tumbling to the ground once they were 20 metres away.

"What's happening?" Emilia asked, now panicking.

Beatrice tried to reach a hand out towards Subaru but was pushed back. "He's expanding the space around him, in fact!" 

"Onii-san can't be touched! He's traumatized." Meili grunted, trying to brute force her way to Subaru but ended up getting thrown back further.

"His heart's going to give out at this rate!" Puck warned.

Petra called out to Beatrice, "Beatrice! Negate his magic! DRAIN HIS MANA!"

Beatrice was feeling overwhelmed, her contractor was back and he was already in danger. "B-But then I'll have to-"

Frederica grit her teeth in annoyance. "IT'S BETTER THAN HIM DYING!"

"A-Alright." Beatrice negated the magic around herself, effectively giving her a bubble to walk through Subaru's expanding space and grip his wrist, Subaru desperately tried to get Beatrice off but she held her ground. 

"Get off. Get Off. Get off. Get Off. Get off. Get Off. Get off. Get Off. Get off. Get Off. Get off. Get Off. Get off. Get Off. Get off. Get Off. Get off. Get Off. Get off. Get Off. Get off. Get Off. Get off. Get Off. Get off. Get Off. Get off. Get Off. Get off. Get Off. Get off. Get Off. Get off. Get Off. Get off. Get Off. Get off. Get Off. Get off. Get Off. Get off. Get Off. Get off. Get Off. Get off. Get Off. Get off. Get Off. Get off. Get Off. "

"I-I... I hope you never forgive Betty for this." Beatrice drained Subaru's mana, knocking him out in an instant.

Everyone gathered around Subaru.  Beatrice immediately looked away from him and covered her mouth, collapsing to her knees. Emilia, still worried for Subaru managed to switch her attention to the spirit for a moment.

"Beatrice, are you-?"

"Blergh." Beatrice threw up purple crystals, Subaru's mana given form for the sole purpose of removing it from her body.

"What's happening now?" Meili asked. She and Frederica had now moved away from Beatrice when she threw up the crystals.

"Betty can read emotions when she drains mana..." Puck explained. "And Subaru...."

Subaru was asleep now, which would normally mean that Puck couldn't read his emotions to their full extent but... from his perspective, when he tried to read Subaru's emotions, his entire vision was obscured by a black cloud of horror. Puck couldn't read anything from it except 'bad.' If he couldn't read Subaru's emotions through sight when he was ASLEEP then what did Beatrice feel when he was AWAKE?

"What have we done..." Beatrice muttered, pulling her twintails out of stress. "What the fuck have we done?'

Chapter Text

After Subaru was knocked out

Tears spilled from Beatrice’s eyes and ran down her face before falling onto her dress. She’d been desperately trying to expel Subaru’s mana from her body, but her mental state had been damaged too thoroughly to actually formulate and cast spells. Leaving her with the painful and inefficient options of throwing up purple crystals.

Beatrice had spent 400 years waiting for a person that never came. A person that, at this point, she didn’t truly believe existed. She knew what abandonment felt like. Or she thought she had. She wasn’t truly abandoned. Even if he was entirely unrecognizable and broken, Roswaal had always been near her. He always ensured she had a mana supply, that no matter what atrocities he committed, leaving her alone was the line he never crossed. 

While he never found her ‘that person’, he still found people. Kind people, arrogant people, annoying people, intelligent people. She’d be lying if she said she actually liked them yet she’d also be lying if she said that she’d give them up. They were experiences that gave her company, something that kept her from fully shutting herself off from the world that she’d create with her contractor.

Then it was gone, she felt as though she had blinked. As if the two months she’d spent with Emilia and her brother were inexistent. And it might as well have been. The only reason that she’d found a reason to keep living was a simple hope, the single leaf from the olive branch that Roswaal had tried extending to her. To the entire camp. Well... when they had the chance to.

In The Mansion A Few Days After Subaru's Execution

 No one in the camp was in a good mood. The public had turned against them, the Royal Selection was all but officially cancelled and Subaru had died and they hadn’t even been able to bury the ashes that he’d left behind. But somehow, SOMEHOW that was the least of their worries. The biggest problem was that the THREE ARCHBISHOPS responsible for Subaru’s death were currently attacking the mansion. 

“El Huma! Ul Huma! Al Huma! El Huma! Al Huma! Huma! El Huma! Al Huma! Al Huma! Al Huma! Al Huma!”

“Lia… please calm down.”

A bead of sweat ran down Puck’s forehead, a literal impossibility for both cats and spirits but Puck did it simply due to the concern and confusion he was having at this moment. Emilia had become quite skilled at using ice magic while he was gone but even this was beyond her.

Emilia had frozen a significant part of the field around her from pure rage and was repeatedly and rapidly casting Huma spells. This was an impressive feat of mana and would be a considerably more impressive feat if most of them were casted successfully. Emilia’s mental state was only vaguely able to visualize her spells. Some ice pillars were being summoned and launched, each of varying sizes but most simply dissipated.

In Emilia’s current vengeful state, she casted ice spell after ice spell, all being either dodged, blocked by Sirius’ chains or melted by Sirius’ flames. And her Al Humas were being replaced over and over, Emilia not even realizing that the giant pillars of ice were simply making the surrounding area colder. If she had been near the other Archbishop fights then enemies and foes alike would be bombarded with hail. Unfortunately, Sirius’ flames melted the falling icicles as they fell. 

“You Slut of a half-devil! You cruel bitch!”

A vein on Puck’s forehead bulged in anger, but he managed to regain his composure for long enough to block an incoming chain hook from damaging Emilia with a wall of ice. Puck didn’t like it, but they weren’t really making any progress, and they wouldn’t be making any progress either. Emilia, despite her rage, was not aiming to kill… despite the hundreds of icicles that she was casting. Because of the 30 people that Wrath had brought through her soulwashing. 

Frederica was currently distracting them by scaring them in her leopard form but if Emilia landed a fatal or even damaging blow then not only would she damage Sirius but also the people she had under her authority. Which at that moment, included herself. What Emilia was really trying to do was pin the chains to the floor using ice magic or freeze Sirius entirely. That would certainly hurt the people around her but wouldn’t KILL them. Probably. Emilia was only vaguely aware of the people.

Puck had to warn her. “Lia, even if Sirius manages to block Al Huma. I don’t think that the others will survive it.” 

Puck didn’t REALLY care about their lives, not by themselves. But between Emilia’s already emotional state worsening and Emilia being connected to them, he couldn’t afford to let them be damaged by Emilia’s ice. 

Emilia couldn’t reply between chants. Even if she could, she would have been insulting Sirius right back. But she stopped chanting her Al spells and dissipated her Al Icicles. Emilia summoned a halberd into her hands and stabbed one of Wrath’s flaming chains into the ground and casted Huma to create a forcefield around herself. By reducing the temperature around her, she was not only resisting Sirius’ flames but also freezing the chain to the floor despite them.

The problem was that she was ONLY resisting the flames and not negating them fully. The chain was somehow both frozen to the floor and set the ice around it on fire. Emilia’s soft and pale skin was quickly darkening with burns.

“Lia, we need to get out of here!!” Puck warned, alarmed at his daughter WILLINGLY letting herself become burnt in Wrath’s flames

“1.” Emilia muttered, driving the halberd further into the floor and increasing its mass with even more ice magic.

“Huh?” Puck asked, confused.

 “2.” Emilia muttered again, now crouching down even closer to the flames and freezing the ground around her even further.

“Lia!”

“3.” Emilia dashed towards her forcefield before leaning back, sliding on the frozen ground as a chain hook sliced directly above her, almost hitting Puck. She had counted the seconds before Wrath could launch another attack and was now moving directly towards her, pushing off the frozen ground and running towards her. Puck summoned an ice shard, pinning part of the chain to the ground and preventing the chain from moving back.

And time slowed down.

Emilia was going to freeze Sirius in place, hopefully allowing her to be captured again. Or better yet, put down forever. But suddenly, she was moving considerably slower than she was a few moments ago even though she wasn’t quite at her top speed. But aside from herself and Puck, everything else seemed to be moving at their normal speed. Enough time for Sirius to free the chain that Puck had pinned and aim the hook for the back of Emilia’s neck.

But before it landed, Emilia and Puck were headbutted to the floor by a leopard. Frederica had barely managed to knock them both away from the attack, but with her no longer keeping the soulwashed citizens distracted, they were surrounded almost instantly.

“Urgh…” Emilia grumbled as she groggily got to her feet.

“Thanks for the save.” Puck said.

“Always.” Frederica growled back, not with anger but because she was currently an animal and talking was a bit difficult.

“Half-devil!”

“Maggot!”

“Whore!”

“Slut!”

“Murderer!”

“Abandoner!”

“Bitch!”

Puck was getting really aggravated as the Soulwashed foes were speaking at Emilia with cruel words. For some reason, despite Wrath being the person resulting in Subaru’s continued distrust, Wrath blamed Emilia for Subaru’s death. Even more than the soulwashing, that was frustrating Emilia and Puck the most.

“SHUT YOUR MOUTHS! HOW DARE YOU SPEAK THAT WAY ABOUT MY DAUGHTER!” Puck yelled, unleashing an outward blast of frost, freezing the soulwashed enemies to the ground and chilling them to the bone. But Wrath still spoke.

“You HALF-DEVIL! HANDS THAT HE REACHED OUT TO YOU FOR! EYES THAT HE DESIRED TO STARE LONGINGLY INTO FOR! HAIR THAT HE LONGED TO TOUCH! EARS THAT HE LONGED TO SPEAK INTO! AND YOU LET HIM DIE!”

“!” Emilia remained silent at her words and fidgeted with Puck’s glintstone, something she had recently begun doing to comfort herself.

Sirius continued. “YOU HAVE NOTHING TO SAY?! YOU KNOW IT’S TRUE! WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? DID YOU LET HIM DIE IF YOU LOVED HIM! LED HIM ON! YOU CRUEL BITCH! I LOVED HIM! I LOVED HIM! I LOVED HIM! I LOVED HIM!” 

Emilia clutched her chest, as if trying to rip out her heart from within herself. It hurt. It hurt so much. Emilia struggled to remain steady, Sirius’ soulwashing was still affecting her. That’s what she told herself. She was fine. She could… She would…. She… She needed to get rid of Wrath. That’s what she needed to do. She’d kill her, she’d make her pay, she’d avenge Subaru. 

“ICE BRAND SOLDIERS!” Emilia called out, as loudly as she could, trying to drown out the rest of the shouting. Emilia summoned 20 full soldiers, 13 more than what her limit was before. She wasn’t able to use her Ice-Brand magic after Subaru’s name was erased. In the death of Subaru, her memory of him had become so strong that she couldn’t close her eyes without seeing him. And she would use that pain now. 20 ice copies of Subaru all surrounded herself, Puck and Frederica.

Puck was shocked, the idea that Emilia could have an image with this clarity. This was no crush, no throwaway, no servant, not even a knight. The only person Puck ever imagined holding such a strong place in her heart was himself. Puck surprised himself with the emotion he felt at that moment, she expected to feel anger, jealousy, protectiveness. But Subaru had proved himself to Puck too, even in his absence. All he felt was an empathetic sorrow.

“You… you really love him, don’t you? I should have saved him. I should have protected you both. I’m sorry.”

Somehow despite living for 400 years and knowing the boy for less than a month. Puck missed him too.

“Attack.” Emilia commanded sternly, the soldiers obeyed.

“10 more minutes…. 10 more minutes.” Otto muttered, “10 more minutes and Beatrice can create a forcefield.”

“Oh? You think you’ll last that long?” Lye, the archbishop of Gluttony laughed, disappearing as he used his Leaper technique to appear behind the merchant. “You won’t last 30 seconds play this ga-”

Lye was interrupted as a black whip struck out from the side, wrapping around his neck and allowing Otto to move away.

“Do not forget about me. Offensive.” Clind sai. His whip was a bit heavier than Subaru’s Guiltywhip but also had a metal lining within it. Which allowed him to channel electricity through it easily. By stepping on his whip, pulling it to the ground and channeling electricity through the sole of his foot, destroying his shoe, an electric attack flowed through the whip but by the time that it would have reached the Glutton, he had wriggled out his body almost warping to loosen the whip around him. 

In the next instant, he had switched targets. Dashing towards Clind, he threw a dagger at him which was easily dodged but drew Clind's attention for a moment too long, allowing Lye to use Leaper again when Clind’s attention would have moved back to him. This effectively allowed Lye to disappear from his perception, grab his dagger and drive into the wall that suddenly appeared behind Clind.

“Tch-” Lye scoffed as Clind whip wrapped around the wall and flew directly at Lye who skillfully leaned back, letting the whip fly above him and allowing him to backflip away from Garfiel’s follow-up attack while simultaneously kicking him in the jaw. 

“Ack! Ya bitch…” Garfiel swore as he rubbed the point of impact, Lye had interrupted his attempt to make Lye one with the ground, using his own momentum to damage him. 

Clind frowned. “Language. Admonishment. But Yes. Agreement.”

“Don’t get close to him, if he manages to touch you then…” Otto trailed off.

“What? Are you still thinking about your Subaru?” Lye laughed heartily. “After you forgot him and got him killed?!”

Lye’s laughter was quickly interrupted by a trio of attacks Clind’s whip wrapped around the Gluttonous child as Otto threw a fire crystal and Garfiel created a dome of Earth around him, leaving only a hole for the whip. Electricity and Fire erupted inside of the dome, which concentrated it on their singular target.

“Did we get 'im?” Garfiel asked.

Otto shook his head. “Doubt it, he let himself get hit.” 

Hearing this Clind intensified his electric shock, releasing three shackles and crushing the ground beneath his foot and whip even further. Electric sparks surrounded Clind, burning away the grass around him. The electricity was starting to damage Otto and Garfiel so a wall was quickly constructed by Garfiel to prevent themselves from being electrocuted to death.

Eventually Clind’s whip retracted from the dome and he took a moment to regain his breath. More laughter suddenly erupted from the dome, and it burst apart, the control shifting from Garfiel’s Divine Spirits to Lye's Earth Magic.

"How the-?" Garfiel questioned.

Lye smiled widely, his jagged teeth showing and he spoke in a horrifyingly familiar tone. "With the help of the AMAZING spirit Beatrice, I've managed to create two brand new spells in only a year! Now as long i have mana and don't move, we can, as Beatrice phrased it, sidestep this plane of existence, nullifying all attacks"

Clind, Garfiel and Otto all stopped moving at that moment as Gluttony's laughter echoed through the air. Lye had stolen Subaru's name, let it go after he died and even worse he had Subaru's spells, making it even more difficult to damage him. 

Otto grit his teeth. "We're not going to be able to kill him... not with... 'his' spells. We'll have to stall for time." 

Clind nodded, trying to keep his poker face but still visibly annoyed.

Garfiel grit his teeth and smashed his twin shields together, causing sparks to fly. "Ain't gonna stop me from trying."

Rem growled, crushing a black and purple-striped quadruped into the ground with her mace, one of Lust's Demi-beasts.  

"Stinks. Like mud, blood and death," Rem grunts.

"I understand that they smell disgusting," Ram said, dissecting 3 beasts with a single wind blade. "But I can't quite say that I understand what you mean. I can only sense the Miasma through our Clairvoyance. Though I wish I could empathize with your pain, sister."

"I wouldn't wish that- HRAH!" Rem swung her mace around, prompting Ram to duck. 10 Demi-beasts around her were struck by the mace and ,through the momentum, swung into each other before being bunched into a pile after Rem pulled her mace back. "I wouldn't wish that upon you, Nee-sama."

"We do have our hands full with... this," Ram replied, cutting the pile of beasts into pieces. “But I wish you would confide in me more. I feel as though I’ve failed Bar-... I’ve failed Subaru on that front.”

“You need not blame yourself for Subaru-sama’s name being lost.”

“I don’t. But I wish I had more memories of him that weren’t fighting,’ Ram muttered, almost silently. Most of her memories of Subaru were either teasing him harshly or getting information about Rem. Which… hurt a part of her that she didn’t even know that she had.

“...” Rem didn’t have a real reply for Ram. Eventually she decided to simply brandish her mace dramatically, the meaning clear. “Let’s avenge him then.”

The reason that Rem and Ram were fighting Demi-beasts was to keep them off of Roswaal, who was fighting Lust. He wasn't making any ground against the Archbishop. In order to do so, he would have to force Capella into a singular form before blasting her away with a powerful spell, something he was not able to do, because of her extending her limbs wildly into different directions and transforming them into heads or even more limbs to attack. 

When Roswaal incinerated a significant part of her, Capella would transform from her own ashes. But not as a body ready to attack. But as RATS.

Now on one hand, Roswaal likes rats. Roswaal always liked rats, they were his favorite animal. They are deceptively clever despite their individual weakness, they are willing to sacrifice themselves to test food for other members of a pack they are in. They multiply quickly and are nearly impossible to exterminate and can muster superhuman determination with only the slightest amount of hope. Aside from the multiplication, Roswaal truly hoped to be like one of them.

His love of rats only became stronger when Subaru came into his life. He was the most rat-like person that Roswaal had ever met, in the best way possible. He was tenacious. He was weak but clever. He would literally throw himself into the flames for those he considered important and was superhumanly tenacious as long as he had someone by his side. In hindsight, Roswaal questioned why he had thought that his will needed further tempering

"Sorry, Subaru." Roswaal muttered under his breath.

But on the other hand, Capella abused her Rats Form in the most annoying way possible. Because Roswaal and Capella weren't fighting on the front yard of the mansion any longer. Roswaal had to incinerate every single rat for fear that Capella would escape to other Camp members and transform them. So after an hour of fighting, Roswaal had cratered the floor and were now on the same level of the basement that they had kept Meili in for a year.

Speaking of which... a dome of Earth surrounded the rats that tried to escape and immediately collapsed in on them. A Leader Wolgarm had been summoned from the forest by Meili and was restraining Capella's movements as best it could with Earth Magic. Roswaal was too busy trying to keep track of Capella to cast multiple magic types at once, it was... immensely frustrating. Meili was only helping because with the Witch Cult more active, even though they were currently being raided, it was safer to be with the Emilia Camp than anywhere else So she couldn't let it fall lest she be found in the open..

The only reason that she felt even somewhat comfortable being near Lust was because she was with Petra... on the roof of the mansion. So naturally Lust wouldn't be able to reach her even if she noticed her. Not unless Roswaal let her. But in that case, she'd use her dying breath to call every Witchbeast in the forest to the mansion as a final spiteful action. Subaru's death be damned, she didn't have true loyalty to this camp, or at least she didn't right then.

Back to Roswaal, he was struggling mentally in a different way than simply keeping track of each individual Lust-filled rat. Because that was only the second most annoying part of Lust. Dodging her attacks was fine, as long as she was attacking then she wasn't fleeing or attacking other members. All Roswaal had to do was fly away and tread carefully, simply attacking when her attacks were controlling the battlefield too well. Meili's Wolgarm Magic and Petra's few and far between Jiwald attacks when Lust wasn't able to tell they were on the roof were a surprisingly big help to deflect Lust's attention from Roswaal.

No, what was truly annoying was the form Capella took when attacking. Against Roswaal, she was transforming into two people, the two people that he missed the most. Both Echidna and Subaru. It was so frustrating to see Lust use their forms to attack with extended parts and dangerous heads that would kill him if he touched them or worse. They're disgusting expressions were so frustrating. And Lust's voice, her damn voice. Using their voices to taunt him or her voice in their body. It was disgusting. 

Simply looking upon their forms made it difficult for Roswaal to control his temper. The only thing allowing him to keep his composure was casting silencing magic upon her ears, preventing him from hearing her voice any longer. It was a bit disorienting to fight without hearing but it was necessary for him. Another limb with a lion's head attached to it extended towards him. Roswaal prepared to dodge but a mace slammed into the head, causing the attack to veer off-course. Rem had attacked, quickly focusing on the magic around him, he could tell that Beatrice had created the spatial forcefield, pushing the soulwashed enemies and Demi-beast out, so why were the Archbishops still there? They must have had a back-up plan thanks to their Gospel. Even an incomplete book of Wisdom was still a book of Wisdom after all. 

Fortunately the Archbishops were disoriented for a moment thanks to the field . Clind wrapped his whip around Gluttony, allowing Garfiel and Otto to combine their Earth Magic and Divine Protection to lift them off the ground despite his temporary invulnerability. With Clind's strength and Authority, Gluttony was thrown several kilometers away. Petra blinded Wrath with a Jiwald, causing Emilia and Frederica to be blinded as well through soulwashing. But they had already pinned and frozen her chains to the floor, allowing Beatrice to reluctantly teleport her away. The only action she could take to remove Wrath quickly without harming Frederica and Emilia.

Now all that was left was... Where was Lust? Roswaal turned off the silencing magic.

"-VE YOU!" Rem and Ram screamed at him.

"ve... Abo-!" Roswaal realized too late but Lust had thrown her head into the sky and transformed into a dragon. A dragon that was charging their breath.

"Al Quintet!" Roswaal called out, a bit too late. His hasty magic only cushioning the blow and still striking him into the crater that he had created.

He heard alarmed shouts but it was hard to hear through the dizziness, he almost certainly had a concussion. 

"Get up..." He tried to tell himself but he couldn't muster the strength Roswaal's world went black as he lay on the ground.

Then he heard a voice.

"Clown...."

"What?" Roswaal responded, still on the floor.

Subaru appeared in the darkness "You heard me, you're a clown."

"Hah... Am I dead? I suppose I've failed my goal." Roswaal said somberly. "I couldn't keep my most important pieces on the board."

"Is that all we are to you? Part of a chess set? Pieces on your damn board?"

"...No."

"What was that?" Subaru asked him

"No. I was wrong," Roswaal admitted, "I sacrificed too many people. Too many friends, too much family. This isn't the outcome my teacher would have wanted, not truly. Not the one that I remember."

Subaru grimaced. "So now what? Are you going to give up on the 'pieces' you left on the board?" 

"...You would have saved them."

"..."

Roswaal laughed slightly. "Even without your power, you would have tried until you reached your last breath. And then pushed even further. I'm not that kind of person."

"Why not?" 

"I'm a coward, my beliefs, my way of thinking, my flaws. The reason the Book of Wisdom failed me was because I believed that no one could change at their core. I didn't believe YOU could change thanks to someone else. So things were omitted from my book. I've lost."

"I think people can change, that's why you're still alive even with the curse on your chest, even though you tried to kill us. Even though you DID kill us. I still wanted to believe that you could be better. I still believe in that... so... please."

Roswaal fell silent. The Subaru of his mind kneeled to the floor and placed his forehead on the ground, the same position he was in when he begged Roswaal to call off the assassins.

"Please protect them while I'm gone." Subaru begged.

"...Stand up." Roswaal said, still on his back. "Groveling doesn't suit you. You've earned the right to stand above me... So please... use that right."

Subaru stood up, smiling slightly and sadly at Roswaal. "Get up, and protect the last pieces on your chessboard. And keep them safe for me.

Roswaal finally stood up. "Yes, Subaru-kun... No... Thank you, Subaru-sama."

"Two Clowns at the mercy of fate." 

"No... Two clowns that will defy our fates."

Roswaal gently tapped his fist against Subaru's just as they both faded away.

Roswaal flew up from the crater at light speed, flying above the clouds in an instant. The sound barrier breaking multiple times over sounded throughout the mansion. Now facing the dragon of Lust far above the mansion and with a determined look in his eyes. She laughed at his nearly fully broken body.

"What? You lust-filled sack of meat! You believe that you can defeat me? Or even get rid of me? You FOOL!" Capella shrill laughter resounded through the air, but the sound emanating from her throat showed that she was charging another attack, if Roswaal dodged, Capella would simply aim the breath downwards, killing the others in the mansion since they couldn't see them above the clouds. He had to stop it... but how?

"ROSWAAL! CATCH!" A chorus of voices below him called out. A small black object, flew up at rapid speeds towards him, Roswaal caught it. And his eyes widened in realization. 

Roswaal laughed and tossed it in front of Lust's draconic snout. "The original gospel." 

Despite the cult's insanity, it was doubtful that any member of them would even hesitate for those words. It was a clear lie.... But it wasn't. And only the member with observation keen enough to read someone perfectly would be able to tell that it wasn't a lie. Lust's dragon breath stopped, dying in her throat.

"AL QUINTET!" Roswaal yelled, louder than he had ever yelled before, and 5 orbs appeared in front of him in a circle. Red fire, Blue water, Green Wind, Yellow Earth and White Yang. Each orb shot out a differently colored beam of magic, converging into one. Directly in front of Roswaal. And a huge beam was fired, enveloping the entirety of Lust drowning any possible scream... and the book that Roswaal spent 400 years following. Burnt by him once again.

But this time by choice.

Once the beam disappeared, there was no sign of Lust. Roswaal doubted that would kill her, but it very well would send her far, far away and destroy whatever she had that let her remain in Beatrice's forcefield. Or at least Roswaal hoped. Roswaal, flew back to the ground. And to the camp, who were all waiting on the ground anxiously. Even Meili,

"Where's the book?" Otto asked.

"Destroyed... for good this time." Roswaal said, with a strange smile. The camp was shocked. "But..... before anything else is said. I have a confession to make... about Subaru."

After Subaru was knocked out via mana drainage

After Roswaal told them about Subaru's ability She held on to a hope. A fragile, foolish hope that one day, her contractor would return to her. And just when she was losing hope, and nearly killed one of the only people who shared her pain. He did... and she nearly killed him again.

She was forced to drain his mana to even somewhat fix her mistake. And she felt the emotions he had built up, each one so strong that Beatrice thought that it would overwhelm her and overwrite her will. She would have accepted it. But this was so much more cruel, and fit her punishment perfectly. 

Fear, the fear of being touched, the fear of being abused, the fear of being forgotten, the fear of dying, the fear of going back to the beginning.

Anger, at the world for hurting him, at his friends for forgetting him, at himself for his incompetence.

Sadness, for losing what he had, for the hopelessness of his situation, the sadness of his friends looking at him like a stranger.

But... she couldn't sense hopelessness. He hadn't given up... not once. He was still here, despite her worst efforts, he was still  here. And that hurt... because he had to shoulder it alone. And Beatrice wasn't there for any of it...

He didn't need her.

But even worse, he felt one more emotion, one more overpowering than all the others.

Concern.

Concern for a world with the Witch Cult.

Concern for the friends who were hurt in battle.

Concern for his friends that he left behind.

Concerned for the mistakes that he thought he made.

Concern for her, for Beatrice....

But not a single thought spared for himself

"Why do you not care about yourself? Why couldn't we save you? Why did you have to die? Why are you back for us?"

WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY?? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? 

"Why would you still care about such a useless spirit? That abandoned you in you time of need. That let you die. That you could live without. That you deserved to live without."

"Betty will let you go. There is another that wants to see you, someone who comforted you more than Betty ever could. Someone who might have been your friend for even longer than Betty. Betty's only wish... is that eventually, you take revenge against her.... and kill her."

Chapter Text

The Path To The Mansion

As Ram, Rem and Roswaal approached the mansion, Ram walked at Roswaal’s left and Rem at her left. Rem idly swung her bloody mace in circles, slamming it against the floor each time it got to its lowest point. Roswaal absent-mindedly repaired the ground with earth magic to fix the holes that she was making, leaving Rem herself to regrow the grass with her water magic.

It would not have been difficult to simply NOT destroy the ground with her mace, as Roswaal had pointed out but Rem was feeling particularly content with her mace. Now stained with the blood of cultists, to the point that she was humming a song that Ram hadn’t heard before. 

“Sister?” Ram asked.

Out of respect, Rem temporarily stopped humming and slamming her mace on the floor. Roswaal reacted to this a bit slowly, resulting in a random mound of dirt now in the middle of the path behind them. Roswaal didn’t seem to notice though and simply continued thinking. It wasn't a big deal after all.

“Nee-sama? What seems to be the matter?” Rem asked, tilting her head slightly.

“What is the song that you are singing? I don’t seem to recall it from anywhere.”

Indeed, Rem was much more proficient in traditional songs and poetry, to the point that Ram had also been made to memorize a significant amount of them by proxy. However, she didn't recognize this song whatsoever. Rem had never mentioned it before and it didn't sound similar to any of the other songs that Rem had sung before.   

Rem smiled sadly, nostalgia filling her eyes. “It’s one of the songs I learned from him.”

Ram silently looked at the mansion, that slowly increased in size as they got closer melancholy written on her face. That made sense, it was a bit gruesome to think of her in this situation although fitting. 

“You’ll have to teach me that song.”

Rem smiled before glancing at the make-upless clown at Ram’s side. He had his eyes closed in deep thought. Following her sister’s gaze, Ram looked at Roswaal’s face. The sisters looked at each other with clear dissatisfaction on their faces. When Roswaal became like this, it would be more difficult to take him out of his trance the longer he was left alone. 

Fortunately, the sisters had a routine to snap Roswaal out of his trance. It also doubled as a way for Rem's hostility towards Roswaal to be relieved to a certain extent. Ram began by moving to Roswaal’s right, letting Rem get closer to Roswaal’s left.

Ram started. "Oh no, sisted dear sister, master is in distress!"

Roswaal’s eyebrow unconsciously twitched, not listening to Ram truly but rather an instinctive action to Ram calling him ‘master.’ Which was something that Roswaal had requested Ram and Frederica along with the other former maids and butlers to do away with. Petra and Rem did not need convincing, however. Which is what made the next sentence even more shocking the Roswaal’s psyche.

Rem spoke. "Oh no, Nee-sama Nee-sama. whatever shall we do to remedy this curse that has afflicted our master?" 

The fog slowly lifted up from Roswaal’s eyes and his train of thought was nearly derailed despite not actually hearing the words that were being spoken. 

"I suppose we will have to identify whatever has affected our master." Ram said with faux concern.

"I agree, dear Nee-sama. What do you

“Perhaps our master is beginning to scheme again, my dear sister.” Ram quips.

“I do hope he does not burn a village again sister, I fear he may be truly irredeemable in this case.” Rem quipped back, fully snapping Roswaal out of his trance.

Roswaal grimaced slightly. “It concerns me how quickly you will allude to that event to attack me. I truly believed that you would have been more apprehensive about the event. You'd never mentioned it to me before.”

“Master needs to be reminded of his sins,” Ram countered, “Otherwise,  he will slip back into old habits and cause trouble for us again. Isn’t that correct, sister?”

Rem nodded. “Indeed, Nee-sama. Should he begin his schemes again, despite his curse, he should be executed and his life should be snuffed out immediately by Master's own order. An order that Rem is not necessarily looking forward to but would not hesitate should master-.”

“I GET IT! I GET IT! ENOUGH WITH THE 'MASTER'.” Roswaal shouted, prompting the oni twins to giggle which in turn resulted in himself smiling slightly. “Goodness, I truly do not deserve you two.

“For once, I agree.” Rem remarked off-handedly.

“For once?” Roswaal raised an eyebrow slightly.

“Moving on,” Ram interrupted, “What is on your mind, Roswaal-san?”

“The Witch Cult.”

Rem tightened her grip on the chain of her mace as Ram raised an eyebrow. They both spoke at the same time. “I hope you are not feeling empathy for those villains.”

“What? No, you two were brutal-” Roswaal started, resulting in Rem’s mace being moved to a position that would allow Rem to swing it at Roswaal more easily. “However, I will be the last person to say they do not deserve it.”

Ram and Rem’s eyes narrowed, forcing Roswaal to clarify. “Besides you two.” 

Ram and Rem relaxed slightly. Ram spoke up again, “So what about the Witch Cult WERE you thinking of?” 

“The Witch Cult was repelled but I am wondering how such a thing occurred. I do not believe that their retreat crossing paths with us was planned but-”

“Even with inferior ‘Books of Wisdom', they should not have been thwarted so easily. Not unless this was also part of their plan, in which case we should not have crossed paths, or a new wildcard was introduced.” Ram finished his thoughts.

“In which case, said wildcard could be a threat to both the Witch Cult and someone else. After all, anyone who is willing to take the side of the ‘half-elf’ village would surely be prone to starting ‘engagement.’” Rem added.

Roswaal sighed “Much like him, I’d say.” 

Three beads of sweat ran down three foreheads.

Rem smiled with forced politeness for the sake of the person who wasn't present. “I wouldn't call that a bad thing, though. But... well....”

“It doesn’t exactly fit with the image of a time-traveler though, does it?” Roswaal commented, finishing Rem's thoughts.

Ram shrugged. “I suppose that is just part of Touto-su’s charm,”

Rem and Roswaal’s eyes widen slightly in surprise at Ram’s remark. Ram noticed quickly and squinted with suspicion.

“What is it?”

“You simply are not the person that I would imagine those words coming from.”

“I must sadly agree with Roswaal, Nee-sama.”

“Sadly?” Roswaal asked, responding to the entirely earned criticism.

Ram ignored the faux offended remark of Roswaal. “I simply mean that if someone experienced Touto-su’s... let's say 'experiences' even if he had taken the most forgiving possible path. I would be surprised if they weren’t a bit more cold and cautious, leaving behind whatever carefree nature that he had.” 

“Hm… I suppose so. Hm, we’re home...” Roswaal noted before looking at the mansion's gazebo, “Hm… how odd, Frederica is here.”

Frederica stood hastily up from the mansion gazebo to face the trio, hearing Roswaal call her name even while she was asleep. She could not have been more obviously drowsy if she had tried. She had used her sharp hearing to wake up but her black and white dress, reminiscent of her maid uniform albeit less formal and less revealing, was clearly ruffled. Her hair was messy, showing that she had neglected to take care of it in the morning, and she had hit her head on a pillar when she stood up. It was so utterly unlike Frederica, clearly something had happened. Ram tapped the side of her mouth, prompting Frederica to wipe off non-existent drool on her face, leaving Frederica confused and Ram smugly smirking at her little prank. 

“That wasn’t nice, Raaaaaaaam.” Roswaal remarked with his signature inflection, causing the three maids to gag. A harsh reminder that the speech patterns were not missed even by the person who cared about him the most. It was still a bitter taste in his mouth despite the effort he had put in to be done away with for the characteristic so Roswaal scowled. “Ok, it wasn’t THAT bad.”

“Ignoring the pathetic attempts at humor; is everything alright, Frederica?’ Rem asked, leaving an off-handed but scathing remark for Roswaal.

Frederica sighed. “We’ve… had… The most unlucky day in a while. But also, I have some good news… And they’re gone.”

"They are quite excited. Hasty. Although it's good that they're feeling excited." Clind remarked with a bit of humor in his eyes.

“I… suppose so.” Roswaal said, now feeling a bit lonely as he now stood alone. The Oni twins had already left him alone in a mad dash to the mansion.

Indeed, as soon as Frederica had said ‘unlucky day’ Ram had deduced out why Frederica was back at the mansion. There were only two people Ram knew that were unlucky enough to put Frederica in this state and Otto wasn’t there. It would also explain why the Witch Cult was repelled so quickly. Ram wasn’t certain but even with a 10% chance, Ram had deemed it a waste to spend even another second in anticipation. Hence, with a whisper to Rem, the twins were off to the front door.

“So just to confirm,” Roswaal said, forcing himself to bring his attention back to Frederica and Clind. “Subaru has returned, correct?”

“That is…” Frederica began before being quickly interrupted by a few faint yells from the mansion, not distinct enough to make out.

Roswaal, Clind and Frederica grimaced as they heard a multitude of impacts from the mansion. With Roswaal’s experience in magic and Frederica’s hearing, they were able to hear beams of light from Jiwald had suddenly struck both stone and metal, followed by a blade of wind striking the tiled floor.

Clind, noticing their expressions had a suggestion. "We should go to them. Haste."

After rushing to the door, Frederica, Clind and Roswaal would be shown an interesting view. Ram holding her wand in a defensive position with her clothes bloodied slightly. Next to her, Rem was holding her mace to her side, hands shaking slightly. Across the entrance room from them, Meili was with two Wolgarms to either side of her, ready to pounce. Behind Meili was Petra, who had a fearful look on her face, her hair was also now cut unevenly.

A wide gash on the ground along with a shattered plate and glass lay on the floor in front of Meili. A few holes were now in the wall above the stairs. A part of the railing from the stairs was now broken off and was to the side of Rem and Ram. 

The position was strange enough but the strangest thing was that despite clearly facing each other in a hostile position, they all looked absolutely confused.

“I think an explanation is in order,” Roswaal said, a look of annoyed confusion on his face.

After Subaru's Mana Drainage.

Clind and Sylphy exited the mansion after hearing the commotion and it was absolute chaos in the yard. Emilia was apologizing profusely, covering Beatrice with her body as Meili slammed her fist and feet into her, clearly enraged. It seemed like a childish tantrum but Meili was targeting the joints and sensitive body parts. Emilia wasn’t being injured but was clearly in pain, which her tears made clear. Possibly moreso due to the insults and harsh words that Meili spoke towards her.

Perhaps the most strange, Puck was floating off to the side rather than protecting Emilia. This was due to him coming to the conclusion that stopping Meili would likely hurt Emilia more than it would help her. What Puck was doing was trying to comfort Beatrice who was in the second worst state. The loli spirit’s eyes were red from crying, crying that she was desperately trying to stop. Her attempts to compose herself were in vain, however, as her face was covered with snot and tears and seemingly unable to stop or even breathe properly. If she wasn’t a spirit, Beatrice surely would have passed out from hyperventilation, making her situation even more cruel.

From Clind and Sylphy’s perspective, Frederica and Petra were having a conversation while crouched down to something that was lying on the floor. However, they were obscuring what they were talking next to. Upon closer inspection, it was a person. And upon even closer inspection.

“SUBARU?!” Sylphy and Clind exclaimed, the latter of which was so shocked that he did not add an idiom to the end of his sentence.

Petra and Frederica, who hadn’t noticed the two’s approach, looked up at them from their crouching position and gave two gentle waves with tired expressions on their faces. However, before Clind or Sylphy could continue their questioning, Frederica and Petra looked back at each other to continue their conversation.

“So, Subaru will awaken in about a day if we leave him and in a few minutes if I increase his mana intake with Yang magic.” Petra said to reconfirm.

Frederica nodded. “Correct. But I am a bit inclined to leave him to rest, he will need it.”

“But he’s barely eaten. And what he has eaten, he threw up. We need to reintroduce food to his system. I’m pretty sure he’s been running on adrenaline and willpower rather than actual energy. He can’t be sustained like that.”

“That’s tru- IP!” Frederica was interrupted and uttered a surprisingly cute exclamation in surprise.

Sylphy and Clind snapped their fingers next to Petra and Frederica’s ears, surprising them.

“Sy-Sylphy. Clind.” Petra muttered.

“So you really didn’t register our presence then.” Sylphy sighed.

“I suppose your day has been eventful then? Significant. I think we’ll need an account of events. Explanation.” Clind added. 

The explanation didn’t take particularly long to do. So it was now time to actually discuss what they were going to do with Subaru. The process of getting Beatrice and Emilia into a state that she could speak and the prying of Meili off of Emilia took more time than the explanation did. 

“...Should we leave my con- Should er leave Su-...” Beatrice tried to stammer out with some difficulty. She found herself unable to refer to Subaru by title or name without choking on the last remnants of his mana. “Should we really leave him on the floor?” 

Puck looked upon Subaru’s form with a mixture between disgust and concern. “…I hate to admit it but I’m a bit… No, I’m very afraid to touch him.” 

“What?” Emilia asked, clearly surprised. “Why would he scare you?”

Frederica and Meili looked at her with fairly harsh glares as Petra looked away. Petra would feel hypocritical for judging them, seeing Frederica was the only thing that had prevented a similar outcome when she saw Subaru. Emilia tried her best to ignore them, lest she be reduced to tears again. 

“His mental state is… well… ‘unstable’” Puck clarified.

“Well, that much is clear but that doesn’t quite explain why you’re afraid to touch him.’ Sylphy pointed out.

Puck gave a cute smile but it was clearly forced. “Ok, this is hard to explain but bear with me. When I read emotions, it’s more like seeing the aura around someone. Like maybe a shift in the air or a change in color. It’s like a sense between sight and touch. Regardless… the sense isn’t working on Subaru.” 

“So what? It’s like Onii-san doesn’t have any emotion?” Meili asked.

Puck shook his head. “Opposite. His emotions are so strong that I can’t get a read on him. All I can sense is that… it’s bad. He’s been through a lot. It’s a miracle he even chose to come back, I’m glad that he did but I’m not sure how good it will be for his mental health. In short, I’m afraid of setting him off.”

A few beats of silence passed over the group. If that was true then there was a genuine risk of Subaru abandoning them and for good reason. Or, even worse, have a mental break. The latter of which had to be avoided at all costs, making moving Subaru now a precarious subject.

Emilia closed her eyes in deep thought. “Hm… Ah! Mn…” Emilia exclaimed suddenly, opening her eyes, an idea coming to mind but then she closed her eyes again, a hopeless expression now adorned on her pretty face. She reluctantly turned towards the loli spirit. “Beako…”

“...!!!” Beatrice looked at Emilia with confusion at her calling. Then she realized what Emilia was asking of her and stepped away with a betrayed expression on her face. Beatrice gripped her twintails simply out of stress, a year of neglect had already cursed her hair with a messy look but they were getting even worse as she seemed to be attempting to pull them off of her hair.

Beatrice really did not want to go through the process of explaining Subaru’s current mental state for it would require her to relive the experience she had just had.

“If this is Betty’s punishment, then she’ll go through with it, I suppose,” Beatrice thought, “I do not believe that Su- he will leave at least. There’s a sense of anger, fear and sadness directed towards us…”

“No thanks to us.” Was the silent sentence that Emilia could sense Beatrice say despite her silence. Emilia barely kept her composure.

“There’s a stronger sense of… concern for us, in fact. It’s… cruel, in fact. Although, it certainly confirms his identity, I suppose.” Beatrice tried to end on a positive note but the look of despair on her face rendered the notion null.

The group suddenly felt twice as weighty as the weight of guilt hung heavy on their shoulders and minds alike. Frederica and Meili dug their fingers into their arms, an act that did not go unnoticed by Petra. She was beginning to suspect something significant had happened when they fainted near the village.

Sylphy spoke up. “Well, his mental state certainly needs to be attended to. He needs a few days of peace at least. His condition is… sub-par. Emilia, even if we can’t touch him, can you ask your water spirits to heal him?”

Emilia’s already pale face became almost entirely white at the prospect of touching Subaru, even indirectly once more. “Wha- But… If they touch- Then I- I can’t…”

“He is unconscious right now, in fact. Besides, we have reason to believe he’d be fine with… other spirits, I suppose.” Beatrice’s voice threatened to crack, much like her soul.

“Oh- Right.” Emilia replied, with a bit of sadness in her voice. She had her lesser water spirits heal Subaru’s wounds. His cuts, burns and bruises from previous fights faded but didn’t fully disappear. Emilia’s spirits came up to her afterwards and Emilia’s already sour expression soured further. “...Oh No.”

“What’s wrong?” Petra asked.

“His condition is terrible. Basically every part of his body is damaged. It won’t collapse, yet.  But… it sounds painful. And his body looks like it's trying to tear itself apart slowly. My spirits can’t heal it.” 

Puck was aghast. “What? But that would mean that... his body’s natural state has been… altered…"

“Ferris…” The entire group uttered with contempt in their voices. 

Getting back on track for his injuries, Sylphy spoke up. "Well, as for his injuries. The nutrition deficiency seems to be the only thing left that we can do anything about."

Petra raised a hand. "I can make something for him, as long as we don't wake up too quickly, he should be able to ingest some food without resistance in his sleep.... I hope" 

“I think we'll have to- bite the bullet?" Frederica said with confusion in her voice, "And carry him to a bed and keep his movements and stress to a minimum and his healing to a maximum." 

 With that, Frederica carried Subaru to his bedroom. Sylphy went to look over Subaru, Petra insisted on handling the kitchen by herself, Meili went to the basement to play with the 'pets' that she had left there and Frederica went to the Gazebo for a much needed rest with Clind's supervision.

Everything went well until Petra had finished her meal for Subaru. She felt content with her cooking and went to the stairs to bring him his meal. But was suddenly surprised by a flash of pink and moving up the stairs as fast as it could. Before Petra realized it, she had acted on instinct. To protect Subaru from whatever was moving to get to him, Petra immediately dropped the plate and glass and extended her hand towards the twins, who she only recognized after she had called out her spell.

"EL JIWALD!"

Five beams of light struck out in front of Ram and Rem, who had their momentum turned against them and would run into the beams of light. In a split second decision, Rem threw her mace to block the closest beams of light and slam through the stair railing. Thinking quickly, she wrapped the chain of her mace around her sister, the blood of the cultists staining her clothes.

"Fura."

Ram, who had not seen who had attacked them, casted a Fura spell with her wand. This sent a blade of wind toward Petra, who barely managed to duck away but had a non-insignificant part of her hair cut off. Rem landed on the ground, catching her sister who had Rem's chain wrapped around her. Hearing the commotion, Meili came running with two Wolgarms for back-up.

It had taken a few moments for the four girls to realize what had just happened on a surface level but they were unaware of the circumstances leading up to this moment so they were all still utterly confused as to why it had happened so an air of distrust filled and each person took up defensive positions.

The Mansion

“Then… you appeared.” Meili admitted, now sweating in embarrassment now that she understood what had happened.

Roswaal sighed. “Well, that’s certainly one way for Subaru's first day back to go. And I should ask, do you know what happened with the village? We 'intercepted' some Witch Cultists on our way back hidden among an invasion force."

Roswaal said intercepted but judging by the blood stains on Rem's mace, it was unlikely that a single cultist survived.

Frederica nodded. "Subaru had left early in the morning to search the forest. There was a bit of a panic in the village when we realized he was gone but he returned… relatively safely.”

“The village was notified of his return before us?” Ram said, contempt clear at not being told sooner.

“Ram, please…” Roswaal pleaded with Ram to calm down.

“He went into the forest without Meili?” Rem asked, “He’d be attacked immediately by Witchbeasts.”

“Onii-san did yes, but he managed to outmaneuver them long enough to find the Witch Cult and return.” Meili clarified.

“That certainly suggests that Subaru had gone back in time. If not to avoid the Witchbeasts then to find the Witch Cult before the attack.” Roswaal noted.

Petra shook her head in response to Roswaal’s theory. “Subaru said that we’d know if he went back. He gets a mental backlash from the influx of memories. Even if we didn’t see the backlash, the way he said it implies that he didn’t go back. At least not when he met us.”

Meili caught on to Petra's implication. “But you’re saying the Witch Cultists in the capital might have forced his hand?”

Petra nodded. “If Subaru believes his ability still works despite it clearly being… unusable in some way in his imprisonment, he might have used it.”

“What else did he say about his ability?” Ram asked, now calmer.

Frederica answered with a complicated expression on her face. “He had a restriction that, in his words, ‘crushed his heart’ when he spoke about it.”

“!!!” Rem gasped in shock, causing all heads in the room to turn to her. “So that’s why…”

“Sister, please elaborate.”

“Subaru has the Witch’s Scent, I believe I’ve already mentioned that; same with Beatrice. But what I didn’t mention is that it spikes at random times. At first, when I learned about his ability, I thought that he was going back but that didn’t align with his behavior, although I’m also sure that the scent also increases when he does go back.” Rem said, thinking back to when Subaru tried to run away with her before the Sloth attack.

Ram grit her teeth. “But the restriction also increases the Witch’s Scent, doesn’t it? That’s how he drew the witchbeasts away from us.”

Rem added on. “He used it against the White Whale too, we would have lost without it. Although, it doesn’t feel right that he was hurting himself so badly to use it. I’m glad it’s gone.”

“So Subaru used to regularly have his heart damaged to protect others. Why did I think his resolve needed tempering? What was wrong with me?” Roswaal thought, despite knowing the answer. 

Roswaal then spoke aloud. “To be in mutual understanding, I’m going to list off Subaru’s conditions. The good news is that his restriction is gone, his gate is functioning properly and that he’s… well alive. The bad news is that his body is injured and healing magic is less effective on him, his body is in a bad state and is attempting to tear apart, his stamina and lung capacity is reduced,” 

Petra raised a hand, timidly. “One more thing, his body has remnants of miasma due to mana poisoning in prison. And it doesn’t seem to be draining.”

“Oh joy.” Ram remarked sarcastically.

“Onii-san’s alive, though right?” Meili tried.

“We should count our blessings. Affirmative,” Clind added on now finished with cleaning the floor, “We should get food from Subaru though.”

“Oh right!” Petra whisper-shouted, dashing off to the kitchen.

“Now how to fix the wall, floor and railing?” Roswaal muttered before turning to his side. “Ram and Re-”

“They’re gone again.” Frederica pointed out. 

“I suppose, they are off to see their returned loved one.” Roswaal sighed.

“Are you not going to see Onii-san as well?” Meili asked.

“No, I think I should wait until he’s better. I have things to talk to him about. But… I’m glad he’s returned. Home feels a bit brighter now he’s back.”

“It does. Happiness.”

Chapter Text

“I don’t recognize this surface.” Subaru thought. He had awoken but had yet to open his eyes, sensing his surroundings first. Learning how to sense his surroundings without a sense becomes pretty important when any one of your senses can be removed on a whim. It’s possible that he spent more time without either of his two eyes than having both.

Subaru almost shivered as he recalled the process of his eyes being removed. First he had to be restrained so he couldn't stop it. He had to hold himself back from moving otherwise he'd damage the eye. The process of Felix slowly slicing the skin and muscle around the eye with a small knife before the vein and nerves connecting it to the rest of his head were….

“Let’s not focus on things like that,” Subaru scolded himself mentally, snapping out of the memory. “First of all, why am I here? I remember seeing Beatrice and Emilia about to attack each other. I don’t remember what happened from there but I imagine I jumped in. Then, they probably ran up to me and hugged me. Since I can’t remember anything I must have had a breakdown. And since I was asleep, I must have had my mana drained. But I think I’ve been fed in my sleep seeing as I’m not very hungry.”

That was the kind of deductive reasoning that Return By Death had forced upon him and managed to get him past even a week in his cell. As far as Subaru could tell, his mana storage was at a normal level, so he must have been out for at least a day. Physically he felt fine, his body probably isn’t in a good state but he’d already forgotten what it felt like to be ‘normal.’ After all the only times when he was in a decent state in prison, he was enduring the feeling of his last state before returning.

“What is that called? Phantom Pain?” Subaru asked himself, “Anyways, I’m alive so I should drop it for now, I have more important things to do than mourn my past self. I was probably moved to a different room. I wonder if they kept my room from before intact.“ 

Opening his eyes slightly, he could see the ceiling. He didn’t recognize that ceiling, his memories had faded over time, which was a bit sad. But he knew it was his room, his whip was hanging above him on the wall. He was almost certainly out of practice but it made him really happy to see it.

Subaru had the strength to get up but he didn’t. He had a bit of time to get up so he would give himself about a minute. It would be a waste of everyone’s time if he stayed in bed, people surely missed him. Regardless of the truth of the circumstance, those were his genuine thoughts.

Wriggling his ears slightly, he began listening for any interesting noises. A subtle, almost unnoticeable sound came to his awareness. Breathing. Awake breathing. Someone was watching him. Subaru’s heart started beating faster out of instinct but he stifled the feeling. He was sure this was someone he knew. So it was unforgivably selfish to waste their time and let them look over his sorry state.

“H-Hi.” Subaru said, picking himself up and trying to ignore the everlasting pain in his healed but still damaged body, despite his ‘noble’ efforts to seem fine, the pain causing his vision to spin, preventing him from recognizing the person watching him. He wasn’t exactly fine yesterday but pain under his skin felt so much worse for some reason.

“S-Subaru-sama,” the person muttered, shocked. That was… that was… He didn’t recognize that voice. But he heard her stand up from a chair with a start, pushing it back as he stood up. He quickly pulled back as she did, instinctively avoiding physical contact the girl moved back in kind with concern weighing heavy on her voice. “Please lie back down, you’re injured pretty badly.”

Subaru didn’t lie down, rather he tried to sit up straighter and face the girl through his blurry eyes. He rubbed one of his eyes but stopped quickly. It hurt. Why did it hurt? “Um… I’m really sorry but I don’t recognize you…”

“Ah.” The girl seemed to be stunned momentarily but regained her composure quickly. “ No worries, we’ve actually never met officially. I’m Sylphy, one of Re- Greed’s former wives. You and Emilia saved me and I’ve been working in this mansion as a maid ever since. Just don’t tell anyone!” 

Subaru’s vision hadn’t fully cleared but he could pretty clearly visualize Sylphy with a teasing smile at the last sentence. But hearing the statement about being Regulus’ former wife bothered him. Something more than Sylphy being involved with the Witch Cult in the past. 

Subaru’s fist instinctively clenched as a theory formed in his mind. “Ah. Sorry, my memory has been pretty foggy…”

“You have nothing to apologize for. But please lay back down, your body needs rest.” Sylphy insisted, seemingly determined to keep Subaru down.

Subaru would oblige for a bit, laying back down, but also had to ask, “May I ask why?”

“Quite frankly, your body is in a deplorable state.”

Subaru already knew that his body was not in a great state but the words stung. “Thanks…”

Sylphy looked at him, slightly annoyed, and sighed. “That’s not what I meant. Aside from your injuries, which on their own would be manageable, and your hair, which will get better with time provided that the wounds on your mind heal; your body is broken beyond repair. It’s literally tearing itself apart slowly.”

“That makes sense, even if I’m better than I was in the prison, the wounds and crack still exist.”

“This is an improved state?”

“I’m going to have to explain this to each person I know. Or just hide it.”

“No no no, I’ll explain that to them. I should have expected this but goodness, Subaru-sama.”

Subaru slightly furrowed his eyebrows. “Please let go of the honorific, I haven’t done anything for you to require you to treat me as such after so long. If anything, you're above me since I’ve just returned. I’d much rather you be casual with me.”

Sylphy took a moment to register what Subaru had just told her, he couldn’t be serious. Could he? But looking at his embarrassed and, quite frankly, foolish expression she was forced to confront the fact that Subaru truly did not understand the position he currently held in the world and had even forgotten the role he had in the past. Unacceptable. 

Sylphy rudely scoffed at Subaru’s words and her polite tone was immediately done away with. “What a bastardous thing to say. It makes me feel sorry for the others.”

“Eh? I just asked if you could refer to me casually.” 

Sylphy’s eyes twitched, looking upon the dumbfounded Subaru. She had heard stories from his friends from before he was gone and had heard what he had achieved on his brief return. Sylphy was certain that Subaru was not stupid but she was also certain that Subaru was an idiot. And from her momentary interaction with him, she was certain that their understanding of him was neither wrong nor outdated. In short, this was most certainly Subaru at its core.

Sylphy sighed with a small smile upon this realization. “That’s not what I meant. To belittle our struggles in your absence and our history within your presence is… well it’s unkind.”

“Right, that does exist now doesn’t it?” Subaru said with a mix of snark and spite, before wincing at his own tone. “Sorry.”

“No, please do speak like that. It's less jarring than to see you put yourself down.”

“...I don’t really know how to respond to that.” Subaru muttered, “But really, I’d prefer that you speak to me casually.”

Sylphy hesitated but eventually complied,  “Understood Subaru.”

“Thank you. So, Sylphy, how’s everythin- how’s everyone in the mansion?” Subaru said. He was going to ask how everything has been but decided that it might be best to speak with everyone individually to make up for lost time and to get a better idea of his situation. 

“Well, you’re awake at about 3 fire time.” Sylphy said, Subaru barely managed to translate that to 9 A.M. so he really was out for a bit less than a day. “Clind, Rem and Ram stopped by earlier and are now doing chores in the mansion but will be sure to see you once they have realized that you are awake.”

“What about Emilia and Beatrice?” Subaru asked. He had them as top priority since he all but knew for certain that they had resulted in his panic attack.

“Beatrice is hidden somewhere with door crossing. Reading your emotions through your mana was… Well, I didn’t know that spirits could get sick.” 

“Crap.” Subaru said, almost getting out of bed to check on her but was quickly stopped by Sylphy pointing a finger towards him as if to poke him. “No fair.”

Sylphy lowered her hand after making sure that Subaru would remain in bed for the time being. “Emilia and Puck said that they intended to speak with you later.”

“Oh! Puck’s back? That’s great!” Subaru smiled with relief before becoming serious once more. “Um, you mentioned Clind. But what about… Clind’s master? Annerose, I think.”

Sylphy’s eyebrow raised, his memory was good or maybe he really wasn’t in the prison for that long. “She’s not currently in the mansion, it’s a bit of a precarious position but she’s at a different Noble’s house trying to manage control.”

“A bit much for a child to do.”

“I agree, but if we don’t make use of every resource then things will get worse for us.”

“True. What about Petra, Frederica and Meili? DId they go back to the village?”

“No, I believe that they’re currently in the basement with some Wolgarms that Meili is keeping as pets.”

“Huh, they’ve been getting along well.”

“Hm…” Sylphy pondered, “I suppose so.”

“How’s Roswaal been?”

“He’s been busy but claims that he’s been trying to be better since you left.”

“Did he ditch the clown make-up?” Subaru asked.

Sylphy paused. “...Did he wear make-up?” 

Subaru’s eyes widened slightly before laughing. “That’s great. I’m glad everyone’s been good without me.”

“Hm… You know, it’s alright to be upset about being forgotten,you’re fully in the right to be angry at us for forgetting you.” Sylphy couldn’t detect anything on Subaru’s face that stated that his sentence was a lie but the phrasing bothered her. ‘Good without me.’ Such are the words of a selfless but hurting person.

“I… I’m not ready to be upset yet.”

“Then I’ll leave it at that. I shall inform the others that you have awakened.” Sylphy said, turning towards the door, before being stopped by Suabru’s words

“Wait,” Subaru said with a serious expression on his face.

“How have you been, Sylphy?”

That surprised her, Subaru really didn’t know her so it was strange to her that he’d prioritize her over seeing the other even a fraction of a second sooner. The entire conversation seemed strange to her for that matter. In that case, Sylphy had no choice but to consider Subaru a truly kind person. She understood why they had gotten together so well.

“I’ve been good, the mansion has been very accommodating.” Sylpy said with a smile

“Yeah, I’d expect nothing less from them,” Despite this, Subaru's expression didn’t change. “And the other wives’?”

Sylphy pinched the palm of her hand, trying to maintain her composure. Remembering the other wives sent a shiver down her spine. She had to remain calm though. “I… haven’t remained in contact with them.”

“Alright, let me ask again.” Subaru said, scowling now. ”How have you been, Sylphy?”

“I… I’m afraid that I don’t understand the question.” Sylphy stammered.

Subaru clarified. ”Now that Regulus is back.”

“Huh?”

“....”

“Eh!?”

“....”

“uh??”

“....”

“Ah..”

Sylphy tried to open her mouth to speak but she couldn’t make out any more than surprised grunts. 

Sylphy felt weak. It was just his name. Subaru had only said his name. But she felt weak. She stumbled back to her chair, like a zombie. She was breathing too quickly. She needed to slow down. She needed to stop.

Her vision blurred as her legs started to buckle. Her husband. She swung her hand back trying to find the chair and sit down. That man. Visions of blood and death filled the back of her mind. Fear. So much fear. The day... the day that Regulus had managed to get through Beatrice's barrier somehow.

"Kill Me." 

Those words, words she never thought that she'd utter again. She had asked the blood-soaked Emilia to end her life before Regulus could. Just before they were about to find them. Remnants of Greed's Authority still clung to them, all of his wives'. Except Emilia, who had the attachment removed manually. The only wife free from his greed.

Sylphy didn't want to die, but even more than that she didn’t want to die by that monster’s hand. Reliving that day, Sylphy could only speak one phrase. 

"Kill Me. Kill Me. Kill Me. Kill Me. Kill Me. Kill Me. Kill Me. Kill Me. Kill Me. Kill Me. Kill M- Ugh."

Sylphy’s madness mantra was interrupted. A feeling of pain in her side. She would have fallen to the ground right there if Subaru didn’t push the chair into the back of her legs, forcing her to sit down in it. Getting a glance at Subaru’s whip in-between breaths, Sylphy figured out what Subaru had done.

‘In her delirium, Subaru had struck her liver with the handle of the whip. The liver was a painful place to hit but it was effective to snap her out of the flashback. Sylphy clutched her side in pain but smiled slightly.

“Thanks.”

“Please don’t thank me for hitting you.” Subaru said, slightly embarrassed. “Do-Do you want to talk about it?”

Sylphy shook her head and stood up, still clutching her side in pain. “I… think I’m going to throw up.”

“You can use the bathroom in this room.”

“It-It’s fi- Oolp~” Sylphy tried to deny the offer but nearly threw up immediately. Subaru opened the door and Sylphy rushed through it, leaving Subaru on the other side.

Subaru moved back to bed with a contemplative expression on his face.

“So… he’s back, huh?” Subaru mumbled… “This ought to be- Ack!”

Subaru suddenly jumped back feeling a sudden warmth on his cheek. Subaru was surprised but quickly realized something quickly… He didn’t move away from fear of being touched… but from surprise.  His phobia didn’t trigger. Looking at the person that had touched him, he saw a small glowing purple orb. 

“...Cancri?”

Beta Cancri - The brightest star in the constellation, Cancer.

Cancer - The dimmest of the zodiacal constellations.

Chapter Text

Chapter Text

Su- You know what? No. You know where we are. We- It hasn't changed. Alright? It's his room, let's just get on with this. Roswaal’s here, Subaru’s here. Let’s go.

Roswaal’s clothes caught Subaru's eye. Still about as regal as always, if a bit more casual. Well, there’s one small thing that Subaru noticed, wiped off blood and dried snot stained Roswaal’s shirt at the chest. He’d run into Ram and lent a chest to cry on. So he really has changed for the better. And nothing showed that better than- 

“Finally ditched the make-up, huh?” Subaru taunted.

Roswaal's eyes, now without the make-up, were already fairly welcoming but softened further at the familiar tone. "I wonder if I should be offended by the fact that the make-up is the thing you remember most about me."

"It was horrible. I remembered it every time someone stared even slightly harshly. It's the one of the only things that stuck with me."

Roswaal opened his mouth slightly, seemingly to defend himself, but closed it quickly, scoffing. "Well, no one misses the clown. I'll certainly admit that."

"Hah."

Roswaal leaned on the chair near to Subaru. "Yet, you still recognized me, I'm surprised."

"I didn't think I would either," Subaru touched his heart. "All the feelings I had are muted now but I'm glad I was able to at least feel something besides forced apathy."

"Honestly, I'm a bit surprised you came. I would have done almost anything to get you back."

"I'm still a valuable piece, right? Not completely broken?"

Roswaal's smile faded. "...That's.... a bit of a concerning question. How do you feel?"

Subaru paused for a moment, but for some reason he felt like being more transparent. "Like a lesser version of myself. Like a part of me died in that prison."

"I can relate to that feeling."

"I felt that you might."

Roswaal smiled slightly "Well, if it's any consolation, you're here now. And despite everything, you're still recognizable as Subaru."

"I'm glad." Subaru said. "I only wish I could recognize myself." 

"So, about my confession."

"I suppose that I'll be the first or last to know, huh?"

"Last in the camp, I guess. You're the last person I need to tell, at least for now."

"How ominous.”

“It gets worse,” Roswaal said, sitting in the chair that he was leaning on.

And it did.

It started off slow, how Roswaal had met the Witch of Greed. How she had saved him, how he had fallen in love with her. How he had become friends with Beatrice and Ryuzu. How he had lost against Hector. 

When Echidna died.

How Roswaal dedicated his life to getting her back. It started small, inaction. Letting others do their jobs, not protecting people that needed to be protected. Influencing people to become enemies to his enemies or allies to his allies. Letting someone die to take their place.

Things to get rid of inhibitions, things to set him up for the future. Laying down dominoes so subtly and meticulously that eventually, not toppling the tower would prove more catastrophic than it would to leave the fragile thing to topple on its own. At least Roswaal would let the pieces fall where he wanted them.

That was his rationalization; that he could not stop yet. Not while events were still in motion 

Destroying the souls of his family to extend his life. Orchestrating tragedies or simply letting them happen, just because a book told him that this was the way of achieving his goal. All coalescing in the eventual massacre of Rem and Ram’s village. 

Then what would have been Emilia’s assassination. Then Subaru’s gate being damaged due to the Wolgarm’s. Then ignorance to Sloth that could have killed the entirety of the village under Emilia’s, but truly Roswaal’s, protection. 

Then the assassination of Rem, Ram, Petra and Frederica by the bowel hunter. Roswaal didn’t want to make excuses, if he did then he wouldn’t have bothered telling Subaru of his sins in the first place. In fact, he would not have told anyone in the camp. But he did. 

However, that event in particular had no excuses. Roswaal had long since accepted that his belief that people could not change at their core had influenced the book’s writ to exclude people such as Otto. But he still was unsure what the events were meant to bring about. Perhaps there was something elsewhere that he was unaware of.

In the distance, a witch sneezed.

Regardless, Roswaal’s sins were laid out plainly for Subaru. Morbid curiosity, which he had likely inherited from his teacher, filled Roswaal. How would Subaru react? 

Rem still had feelings of resentment towards him. Even though by her own admission, she cared about the village about as much as Ram did but his sins against Subaru could not be forgiven.

Otto and Garfiel grew even more distrustful of him although the book had been burnt. To the point that Roswaal will often find insects from Otto’s information chain observing him closely.

Frederica and Petra did their best to distance themselves from him. Retaining an air of politeness but Frederica maintained an air of judgement and apprehension around him while Petra’s hostility grew.

For Otto, Garfiel, Petra and Frederica, Roswaal hadn’t caused them to grow apart from the camp but resulted in them trying to spend as little time in the mansion that Roswaal called home.

Meili, Ram, Beatrice and Clind didn’t change much. The assassin child didn’t have any qualms about morality while Ram, Beatrice and Clind already knew the gist of his wrongdoings.

Strangely Emilia and Puck also didn’t have much of a reaction towards him. Emilia was already kept in the dark of what happened during her Sanctuary visit so he had figured that she would absolutely despise him. But no, she had no intention of condemning him. Hence, neither did her spirit.

Subaru had a strong sense of justice, that was still true. If it wasn’t, then even if he had eventually searched out this camp, Subaru would have gone to get revenge on the knights that had tortured him immediately.

He also had a sense of protectiveness and allegiance to the camp, otherwise he wouldn’t be here in the camp. So naturally, especially now that he had returned, Roswaal would likely be added to the list of Subaru’s enemies. That was fine, as long as he played his part, he could likely avoid death for some time. Enough to help the camp and hopefully find a way to revive his teacher.

But Subaru’s response was absolutely baffling to him

“Huh… that’s pretty bad.” Subaru’s response wasn’t really devoid of emotion, he clearly felt bad about what happened. But… it was as if the perpetrator for the crimes was not in front of him

“....” Roswaal remained silent for a few seconds, then a minute, then two. In total, Subaru and Roswaal sat in silence for 5 minutes. “Is…. is that all you have to say?”

“I mean, are you still planning to revive the Witch?”

Roswaal normally would have hesitated to answer the question but he was so baffled that the truth came out naturally. “Yes. I do not know how to execute such a plan but I desire to find a way.”

“I hate Echidna, or at least I did. So I can’t really be on your side for that. But you described Echidna differently from how she talked to me so there’s clearly a difference.”

“....I don’t understand. You don’t have anything to say about what I’ve done?”

Subaru tilted his head in confusion. “I said that it’s pretty bad. It’s practically a war crime, it’s not forgivable in the slightest.”

“...And yet you still look at me the same way.” Roswaal muttered, dumfounded

“Would you like me to blame you?”

“Y-yes? I would feel much less confused if you did. I would deserve it after all.”

“Maybe so… But I can’t judge you for it/”

Roswaal stood up in utter confusion. “What do you mean you can’t judge me for it? I did those things, those are my sins.”

“Well, you’re not the same person to me.”

Roswaal’s eyes betrayed absolute confusion “...Explain.”

“...I can’t, sorry. It would be bad.”

“You aren’t referring to a restriction this time, are you?”

“It’s not. It’s just…”

“Are you worried that I’ll disclose information?”

“A bit, maybe. But if I tell you then things might become… difficult.”

Roswaal sighed and unbuttoned the chest of his shirt, revealing a light blue sigil. “Do you remember this?”

“The oathbound curse.”

“We can add terms to the contract. Whatever you’re worried about, if it can ease the burden on your mind and let me understand, I’m willing to swear to secrecy.”

“....” Subaru hesitated, eyes drawn not to the curse mark but to the stain on Roswaal’s clothes. For some reason, the remnants of Ram’s outburst meant much more to him. “Fine, I’ll tell you. No need for the curse, I’m trusting you just this once.”

“Already?” 

“Call it a test of character or something.”

Roswaal buttoned his shirt back and sat back down, placing his ankle over his knee. “I can accept that.”

“Alright, ready?” Subaru asked, Roswaal nodded. “It’s a bit hard to explain but basically I can’t judge ‘New Roswaal’ and ‘Gospel Roswaal’ as the same person.”

“That… that... But we ARE the same person.”

“You got past the Book of Wisdom though.”

“I…” Roswaal was short-circuiting. What was the point of the apprehension? He also still didn’t understand what Subaru was advocating for.

“Make no mistake, you still did those things but I specifically can’t judge you. I can’t help you with others or whatever punishment you or the people you told think you deserve… But I can’t really hate you for it.”

“I would actually much prefer if you did hate me, I was prepared but now I find myself in a similar position as when Ram confessed her love for me.”

“She what? …Actually, nevermind that somehow makes sense.”

“I would prefer if it didn-”

“I don’t think you’re going to get what you want from me.”

“...” Roswaal scowled before sighing. “Ok, why? Why can’t you hate me?”

“Well first of all, I would have started with the rabbit so it feels too late now.”

“What? …Oh-!” Roswaal exclaimed, realizing what Subaru meant. Subaru didn’t mention the Rabbit to Roswaal so Roswaal had thought that Subaru only experienced it once, where he vanquished it. But no, Subaru had experienced it already. 

“Yeah, getting eaten alive isn’t fun.”

“IT ATE YOU?” Roswaal leaned forward towards Subaru and Subaru flinched back in turn.

“D-don’t. Don’t do that.” 

“Sorry.” Roswaal apologized, leaning back.

“Twice.” Subaru said absentmindedly, now clutching his heart. 

“What?”

“Nothing.” 

“You got eaten by the great rabbit twice?”

“I said nothing. Moving on, those are the kind of things that I’ve chosen to overlook, because those decisions were made under circumstances that I’m trying to avoid.”

“Wh- I still made the decision.”

“You didn’t know about the rabbit though, you were told to 'summon' something.”

“You are making excuses for someone who does not want nor deserve.”

“Look, you are asking me to judge you for something that didn’t happen.”

“They happened to YOU! How can you be so willfully ignorant about this?”

“I wouldn’t have many friends in this world if I wasn’t.”

Roswaal pressed two fingers to his forehead and rubbed them in a circle against it. “Somehow that is the most concerning thing you have said thus far. What do you mean?”

Subaru sucked his teeth. “So, this is the part where I really need you to keep quiet about.”

“That was a prologue?” Roswaal asked but seeing Subaru look at him with a pleading expression. Roswaal sighed. “I’m sworn to secrecy.”

“Rem thought I was a cultist in almost every loop before this one since going back gives me the Witch’s scent for some time. So she was… a difficult person to get along with if I wasn’t trustworthy enough.”

“That’s why he overworked himself in the first week.”

“And as you know, Ram is more loyal to her sister than anyone else…”

“So she would have turned a blind eye if things got bad enough.”

“That wasn’t what I was referring to but yes, that did happen.”

Roswaal felt like bashing his head against a wall but managed to keep his composure at Subaru’s casualness by clenching his fist.. “What do you mean?”

“Rem died from the Wolgarm curse once…”

“...”

“I used to get scared when Ram glared at me for a while after that.”

“....What about Emilia and Beatrice?”

“...Um. Let’s see… I guess they taught me that I need to support people before they can support me?” 

“So they were in such a bad mental state in some loops that they couldn’t or didn't help you properly?"

“You’re sharp.”

Roswaal clasped his hands in front of his face as Subaru chuckled slightly. This person surely could not be real. Surely no one could be this forgiving. No one would willingly go through this kind of torture and return to them. It wasn’t possible. Even Roswaal, who had spent 400 years following the Book of Wisdom, would have had doubts of trusting people that could harm him so easily. “Otto.”

“Otto has been pretty benign ... Oh-.Although the White Whale could apparently give orders if you can hear them. Including the order to leave me behind. That wasn’t his fault though, he did try to send his ground dragon back to-"

Roswaal’s jaw clenched. “Garfiel.”

“He can’t control his Beast Form when angry and suspicious of me. No matter who's in the way.”

“Clind? Frederica? Petra? Meili?”

“Nothing actually happened with the first three actually. Meili didn’t do much more than she’s already done though. The curse did give some trouble before I figured out what was cursing me.”

“This is wonderful, the Witchbeast Assassin has done less to hurt you than most members of our camp.” Roswaal said sarcastically. “What about the other camps?”

“Abandoned the first time I tried to bring allies for Sloth. Did get it the second time with help from Rem though.”

“That’s honestly quite impressive.”

“Well, I’m pretty sure you gave me permission to use… something as a bargaining chip?”

“Mining rights.”

“That right, and I figured out where the White Whale was in a previous attempt so I just used info for Crusch and rights for Anastasia? That doesn’t sound right, I’m forgetting something.”

“It’s a miracle that you remember that much.”

“I know, I’m lucky.”

“Not in the slightest. How can you just… forgive us? Forgive me?”

“You were worth the pain, I think.”

Roswaal’s breath caught in his throat. ‘Worth the pain.’ If anyone else heard that, they would strongly disagree. 

 “You’re the best of all of us, Subaru. That brings me to my last question. Why tell me? You said it was a test of character. I can’t really believe that after what you told me. You indulged me. Why/”

"I thought I could trust you, I needed to vent." Subaru grinned. “Also, you seemed like you needed it.”

Roswaal’s breath caught again, before smiling. Then laughing. “You-  You played me.”

“Now we’re even.”

Roswaal scoffed. “I owe you more than I can ever repay. Thank you, Subaru. But now…” Roswaal produced a Conversation Mirror from his pockets. “I think you have a few friends that will be quite surprised to see you. Otto didn’t believe me when I said you could come back.”

“This will be fun.”

“Indeed.”

Chapter Text

Inn Room

Otto and Garfiel had rented a room in an inn so they could rest for the day while they left their carriage with Anastasia. She would be able to get the Earth Lagmites needed to reinforce the village's wall. Infamy be damned, she was still the best merchant that Otto knew and things be considered she was proving to be the most skilled merchant in Lugunica.

The Hoshin Company was officially disbanded but she still held the strings to make it work. The Iron Fang was still under her command, her scouts still allowed her to know what the marketplace was like behind the scenes and she still had the coin to make things happen. 

Between her connections and Otto’s insectile chain of information, it wasn’t easy to keep the Witch Cult from holding every stall and good. But it was possible. The main problem was that it required multiple groups to topple and sabotage Witch Cult hideout and meetings. 

Just two days ago, Otto overheated too quickly by using his divine protection so getting information became difficult to piece together once he regained his information chain. He needed active information and insects and animals wouldn’t cut it in terms of actual descriptions so he had to piece together bits of information to know what he had missed.

After he was done, Otto collapsed onto a bed, causing his hat and some coins under it to clutter the mattress and breathed a sigh of exhaustion as Garfiel leaned against a wall. They had managed to destroy a few Witch Cult hideouts in the time they were out but the victory was hollow. Anastasia, Otto and Roswaal all suspected that most of the Witch Cult was a front at worst and a shell company at best. Basically, it was only possible to prevent the complete control of the Witch Cult by attacking it on the surface level. 

It was frustrating but necessary. Until they could get out, this was their only option. But even with every camp working together, despite everything, morale and energy were waning. So when Otto's conversation mirror hummed, he was tempted to ignore it.

But he couldn't, they'd cause their friends to be concerned if he did. So he sat up and put his hat back on. With a flick of the wrist, Otto opened the device with a flick of the wrist. And saw a face that he'd never seen in the mirror.

“Roswaal?”

“That's right, it's been a while since I've last called.” Roswaal replied, smiling.

“You've NEVER called,” Garfiel corrected, crouching down on the bed behind Otto, “What happened?”

“Well…” Roswaal paused, “I have good news and bad news.”

“Oh boy.” Garfiel muttered.

Otto grimaced. “What's the bad news?” 

“We need more… digestible food. So we need you to spend the back-up budget or whatever you can manage to get it here, preferably by tomorrow.”

“More-” Otto started as Garfiel finished. “-digestible food?”

“One of our members is sick, they overexerted themselves stupidly while hurt. And they went too long without food. So they're all but bedridden.”

“Hey…” a weak, raspy and off-screen voice protested, Roswaal smiled at someone behind the mirror.

“Why is someone acting so damn stupid on your end? You're supposed to be watching over them,” Garfiel scolded angrily.

“Hey!” The voice protested again, now that more force was put behind it, it sounded increasingly familiar.

“I’m honestly a bit honored that you trust me with the people on my end.” Roswaal admitted, ignoring the voice. “I'm afraid it was out of my control, Sorry.”

“WHAT DO YOU MEA-” Otto shouted before taking a deep breath and sighing. “Who's hurt?”

“That brings me to the good news.” Roswaal said, turning the conversation mirror around towards someone drinking water from a tray at their bedside but coughing some of the liquid back into the glass.

And despite everything. Despite the weak voice. Despite the white hair that's been growing out too long. Despite the malnourished body. Despite the scar and bruises on his face. Despite the eyebags being too big for his face. Despite the paleness of his skin. Despite not believing that he would return. Despite everything that he had gone through, Otto and Garfiel r

“SUBARU-SAN/BOSS!”

“Hey, guys.” Subaru raised a hand to wave before clenching it tight. “I'm back.”

Immediately a barrage of questions, streams of tears and an attempt by Subaru to get Otto and Garfiel to slow down. It didn't work and Subaru started to get dizzy.

“HEY!” Roswaal shouted. “Let him breathe.”

“Sorry,” Otto and Garfiel apologized at the same time.

“It’s all good, you won’t believe all that happened when I came back.”

After catching up on most of the things that Subaru missed and all the things that happened to him when he came back, Otto had a question. 

“So you really went forwards in time." Otto mused. "Why go so far? Why a whole year and another 2 months?"

"Well I-" Subaru paused, then his eyes widened slightly. "There's a reason."

"So what's the reason then?" Otto asked again

"I... don't know. Or maybe I don't remember."

"Something erased the Boss' memories?" Garfield asked, smashing his fists together.

“I… My memory hasn’t been great, a lot of stuff has happened. Both before and now. I’m working through this. All of it.” 

“Well, the boss I know could get through anything so I know you’ll get us through this too.”

Subaru’s breath caught in his throat, to the point that when he tried to speak it came out as a fearful choke. “Right.”

Catching Subaru’s vocal tone, Roswaal and Garfiel felt concerned so Otto cut the conversation short. “We’ll catch up with you later. We’ll get some food for you and meet in person soon. Don’t push yourself. Never again.”

Otto left the final sentence while glancing at Garfiel, Subaru imagined that he was in for a scolding. Otto was about to close the device but Subaru stopped him

 “Hang on, I have a question. Can you talk to animals through the mirror?”

“Huh? I mean, yeah, I can manage it.”

“Then can I ask you a favor?”

The Stables

Subaru couldn't touch living things. At least not easily and not without massive repercussions he might be able to touch Ground Dragons but that would be limited. So Subaru had asked Otto to talk to someone he needed to meet. While he sat outside.

Roswaal carried the mirror into the stables so Otto could talk with Subaru’s ground dragon. Meanwhile, Subaru talked with Garfiel with a spare conversation mirror that Roswaal fetched for him. Garfiel was sitting just outside of Otto’s hearing range.

"So you're afraid of physical contact?" Garfiel questioned.

"Unlucky, right? I nearly damaged something after Emilia and Beatrice saw me at first."

"...."

“Huh? What’s wrong?”  

“It’s just a bit weird to hear you say their names.”

Subaru paused. Right, he had nicknames for Rem, Ram, Emilia and Beatrice… Was that all? He had one for Roswaal too… probably? “Huh, I don’t remember them… That’s probably not good.”

“You’ll probably remember them soon.”

“You still have a lot of faith in me, despite everything.”

“You got it wrong, boss. I don’t trust you and Bro Otto in spite of everything that happened but because of it.”

“Huh?”

“You’re alive, aren’t you? Despite everything, you’re still here. I don’t know how your power works but I still remember what you told me.”

Subaru frowned slightly, yet another important thing he didn’t remember. “What did I tell you?”

Garfiel smiled but somehow, his expression darkened. “You’ve been through hell... I didn’t understand it. Honestly, I still don’t. But I still believed you. I still believe you. But you’re here.”

Subaru pondered Garfiel’s words for a bit. He continued.

“I don't know how your ability works, I don’t know the burden, I don’t know the cost and I don’t know why you went through hell with it.” Garfiel’s eyes softened slightly. “But I won’t ask either. I want to help anyway I can. You don’t owe me an explanation, you don’t owe me or anyone anything. But you’re here and I trust you.”

Subaru looked away. “Yeah… but it’s a lot of pressure. I’m not exactly in top condition and even if I was”

Garfiel paused, a minute of silence passed through the air. Garfiel’s enthusiasm dwindled, his eyes looked a little shinier. “...Sorry. I shouldn’t be doing that.”

“It’s fine.”

“But it’s not, is it? Last you remember, you were in that cell… Boss, that cell was… blood, mess, pieces of… rotting skin. It…”

“Sorry to put you through that.”

Garfiel opened his mouth to protest but Roswaal came back with the conversation mirror that Otto was talking through.

“It should be good now, Natsuki-san.” Otto confirmed.

“Good, thanks Otto.” Subaru thanked

Otto nodded. “Anytime. But be careful. We’ll be watching though, just in case.” 

“That’s right but still don’t push yourself too far this time.” Roswaal warned.

“I won’t.”

Subaru entered the stables. A few ground dragons stood within them. Mounts in case something were to happen to the others. Patrasche should be here. Otto had given him a rundown on how things had been. She wasn’t particularly willing to move unless something drastic was occurring, similar to how Emilia had been. She barely ate, barely drank but she was still strong. Still holding on for the ghost of a person.

Subaru felt that he owed it to her to see her after so long.

Subaru took a deep breath and looked at Patrasche’s stall. Patrasche stared back. Honestly, Subaru was a bit afraid. Patrasche had a violent streak when he used to worry her. He knew that. But somehow,  what scared him more was being rejected.

Patrasche was a proud dragon, no doubt. Perhaps even more prideful than most. She didn’t cast away her pride to be with Subaru; rather from the moment that they’d met Patrasche put pride in being with Subaru. Protecting him, fighting alongside him. She wanted to be a part of his world as much as any of his close friends and he wanted to be hers in turn.

But what pride was there in being a part of his world now? He was weak, he was broken, he was tired. He didn’t recognize himself, and although he’d accepted that he was still himself, he also couldn’t bring himself to appreciate this Subaru as more than a means to an end, both in body and soul. So it terrified him but he owed Patrasche the closure of seeing him and freeing her from the idea of Natsuki Subaru.

None of the feelings that Subaru had in the past were fully gone. He’d feel dishonest if it came to saying that he felt exactly the same way but the friendship and love he had in the past… Subaru intended to reclaim them. Maybe something would change… no they would have to change. But he didn’t want to give up on a single person in the camp. 

But he also couldn’t blame them if they wanted to give up on him. He used to hate what he was like, his ineptitude, his loneliness, his weakness. He took pride in being there for his friends, he learned to love himself to an extent. That love was gone, and if their love for him faded too… it would hurt but he kind of expected it. So he looked Patrasche in the eye, even as she towered over him, her head reaching over her stall door.

A breath of hot air was sent from her snout and into Subaru’s greyish-white hair, judgement. And she shifted away.

As expected. Subaru closed his eyes and smiled slightly.

 But then, to his side, he heard a slightly impatient and beastly grunt. Patrasche lowered her head to Subaru’s side. She was waiting for Subaru to pet her. To caress his scales. She’d only shifted away to give him space. He was still a part of her world… Subaru had long since forgotten how to caress Patrasche but he gently extended his hand towards her.

Otto, Garfiel and Roswaal tensed but remained silent. He was still afraid of being rejected, still afraid of touching something alive but he did it. Patrasche still trusted him after all this time so he needed to repay it. The tips of his fingers reached out and touched a scale on her neck. 

Subaru’s sensitivity had gone up when he woke up after having his mana drained so he could sense it vividly. The roughness yet smoothness of the scale and the breathing of the dragon beneath it. He ran his fingers up her neck, to another scale, then another, up unto the base of her neck.

He lifted his hand from Patrasche and repeated the motion, firmer this time. He repeated the motion, now more of his fingers were sliding on Patrasche’s scales, not just the fingertips. Again, now all of his fingers were trailing Patrasche’s scales, she let out a contented grunt. Again, Subaru used his whole palm, shaking slightly.

He ran his hand up the scales, and scratched the nape of Patrasche's neck. Another contented hum. He ran his hand to the chin, around the mouth and to the snout. He still shook slightly but pressed firmly and gently against Patrasche’s snout. A breath of air warmed his hand. Subaru couldn’t get any closer but he stopped shaking. He smiled. Subaru’s next words weren’t just directed at Patrasche but also Otto, Roswaal, also Garfiel. Even himself. They were soft, but they couldn’t be clearer.

“Thank you.”

Chapter Text

Emilia's room

"Lia please." Puck practically begged as he hovered near a lump under the sheets of Emilia's bed. "You need to eat. Or move. Or anything."

Emilia had been in bed for almost a full day at this point, not counting when she rushed to Subaru's room in a panic. This happened sometimes, the stress of everything after Subaru’s executions had already sent her into depressive episodes where her emotions would spiral and she would be generally unwilling to move but she could technically still manage it. Or at least she could. 

Emilia's muffled voice came out from the blanket, with blatantly false cheer in her voice. "I talked to the spirits, our contract is fiiiiiiine. I'll get up eventually, reeeeeeaaaaally."

"Why are you even in bed? You haven't slept in a week."

"...I have," Emilia gave a weak protest. "It's just..."

"The nightmares?" Puck asked.

"..." If Emilia's silence wasn't an answer then the shiver beneath the sheets certainly was.

Nightmares. Of Subaru’s execution. Of her friends dying. Of the elves in the forest. Of the Witch Cult. Every worry, every failure weighing on Emilia like El Vita.

It got worse over time as there was less and less reason to wake up every day. Learning for the royal selection was discarded first. It didn't take long for it to become clear that none of the candidates would become queen.

The people wouldn't allow it. Any of them would be lucky to step outside their own home without being attacked. Not even by the Witch Cult. Just the common citizen. 

The aftereffects of Wrath's Authority helped but it honestly felt redundant. Years of hard work gone to waste in a single afternoon. Subaru's execution, the Witch Cult attack, the leak of Priestella's hero.

Everything had gone wrong. Emilia wouldn't get the dragon's blood, she wouldn't save the elves. That was a horrid realization. Maybe it hurt Emilia even worse than Subaru's death.

Puck was growing tired of this farce. It would be one thing if Emilia had chosen to lay in bed because it would still be her choice. But it wasn't, he'd seen who Emilia was.

This was the same girl who would push herself to her absolute limits for those she cared about. Do anything she believed that she needed to do. The only problem was that she herself wasn't one of those people.

Looking at her emotions from an outside perspective, one would call this stubbornness. What else could it be? She was absolutely resistant to moving or doing anything other than laying in bed.

Puck- No. Everyone in the camp knew better. Because they've experienced it too, it just hurts her the most. Emilia wasn't basking in the comfort of her bed. She only stayed there because everything else hurt more.

It hurt to move without making progress. It hurt to speak when no one's heart would be in the conversation, not even her. Not even Puck could muster up much interest anymore, not beyond wanting her to live her life.

But what life? What life did she have?

She used to polish the ice statues, but that was before her memories returned and guilt threatened to suffocate her from the inside.

She used to talk to the spirits as much as she could. The spirits couldn't be good conversationalists if the only emotions that Emilia could consistently convey were guilt and sadness.

She used to look around as much as she could, trying to explore the forest or capital. But now doing that would risk a fight.

She used to talk with anyone she could.  They didn't have time for her anymore and even when they did, leaving left an emptier hole in her heart than staying filled.

To Emilia, it was hopeless.

"We'll fix this, alright? Subaru's back. We're-" Puck didn’t get to finish his sentence.

He saw two flashes. The bigger one of anger, a sudden burst of fury rose up from Emilia, catching Puck off-guard.

The smaller but arguably more impactful flash was of movement. Puck blinked and he had hit the half-frozen wall behind him hard enough to crater it. Even for him, the great spirit of fire, that hurt. 

Which was strange because Emilia had only thrown a pillow. Sure, she had frozen it over first and still managed to break the ice apart hard enough to make the pillow explode and fill the air with frosty feathers. But it was still a pillow, it shouldn’t hurt anyone, let alone him.

“LEAVE HIM OUT OF THIS!” Emilia shouted.

Puck was stunned. Not at Emilia’s desire to keep Subaru from getting involved. He didn’t want to involve him either. Not yet at least. Not while he was injured and in a mental state that Puck couldn’t track. 

He also wasn’t particularly surprised at her outburst in and of itself. If anything, he would be glad that she was at least able to react to things properly.

The pain also didn’t surprise him particularly. Well, it did but Emilia was strong and he was caught off-guard. 

But mostly, the pain was shocking because it was Emilia inflicting it. Emilia had never, never become violent. She’d sometimes break down to the point that Puck would have to restrict her magic to this room which was now all but eternally frozen.

Even then, if Puck wasn’t currently nearby to let her ‘cool off’, as Garfiel and Otto had coined the term, she could still force herself to stop. She’d never attacked or even shouted at anyone in the mansion before… unless it was Beatrice. But the feeling was mutual in that case.

So to attack Puck of all people, even for a split second was more painful than the physical blow. And it threw his train of thought off the rails entirely.

“...”

“He doesn’t need to push himself again. He shouldn’t even be back here…” Emilia said, curling into herself again, now in the fetal position.

“Ah.”

So that’s what this sense of despair was about. She was worried for him. As always. Puck imagined the feeling must be mutual. No… for both of them to be alive and here right now, the feeling had to have been mutual.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to lash out.” Emilia said, self-hatred festering within her heart once more

Puck floated out of the crater and over to Emilia, patting her gently on her shoulder. “I was going to say that we’re all together. So we can get through. He came back for you, for all of us.”

Emilia’s voice was muffled. “I… don’t know if I want him to.”

“Even after spending all this time waiting for him?”

“...” Emilia didn’t reply. It wasn’t that she didn’t know what her answer was, she just didn’t like it.

“Don’t you think it’s kind of mean to dismiss him?”

“...No.”

Fair enough. It didn’t really matter if Subaru could go back in time, he kept coming out of each scenario worse off so relying on him too much would cause him to spread himself too thin. And that was ignoring the fact that Subaru’s body was in such a bad state that Felix would be necessary to fix it and even he might struggle. 

And somehow, Puck still genuinely believed that Subaru’s mind would break first. For Emilia’s sake, his mind needed to be preserved. And to do that, Puck needed to know more about his ability both related to his authority and without it.

“So in the end, the great spirit of fire is relying on a fragile child to protect his daughter. For the second time at that. How pathetic,” Puck thought

Puck had nothing against Subaru. In fact, he trusted Emilia’s safety to Subaru   and he hadn't done such a thing lightly. Not at all. It was honestly a bit shameful for Puck to entrust his daughter’s safety to Subaru, at the time he simply believed that it was the best way to protect her in his absence.

But the reason for Puck's thoughts was because he was here this time. He should be able to help her, he should be able to understand her well enough by now. He could understand her emotions, he knew who she was.

But he wasn’t Subaru. 

He wasn’t genuine enough to reach out to Emilia because he couldn’t be as eternally honest and genuine as Subaru was. He couldn’t reach out to Emilia for much more than wanting her to be better, not while she was in this state. Puck was an inherently selfish person as a spirit and maybe Subaru was selfish too but at least he could find joy in the worst of situations.

He could find value in suffering where there was none or at least very little. Especially if he was the one suffering. Maybe simply by the nature of his Authority. 

Ram believed in him because of it.

Roswaal relied on him because of it.

Frederica was concerned for him because of it.

Petra worried about him because of it.

Meili cared about him because of it.

Otto was frustrated by him because of it.

Garfiel respected him for it.

Rem loved him for it.

Emilia hated him for it.

And now Puck needed him for it.

“Puck?” Subaru sent a mental message to him.

Despite his mood Puck couldn’t help but smile. “Right on cue.”

Outside Emilia’s room.

“Cold.” 

That was the only thought that came to mind when he touched the door to Emilia’s room. Fire magic had been used to reduce the temperature of the door. Probably not by choice. The magic is uneven, uncontrolled. It’s similar to when he causes a Shamak explosion with Cancri. 

The only thing to wonder was if this was recent or consistent. Both would be concerning answers.

“You’re here.” a voice emerged from his side

Subaru immediately pushed off the floor and away from the voice in a panic and extended an arm in the direction he heard it from. 

“Min- Oh.” Subaru nearly casted Minya as a reaction but stopped upon realizing who was there. 

Subaru fell backwards as his feet reached the floor, both due to their weakened state and his adrenaline fading as quickly as it came, landing on his butt hard. It even sounded painful, as if he’d hit the floor with his bones rather than his flesh. Actually, given his state of malnourishment, that might be the case. 

“OW…” Subaru tried to get up immediately but his leg seized up causing his breath to catch in his throat.

“Your reaction was impressive, both in recognizing me and reacting to my voice. You’d be an impressive mage.”

“How would I-” Subaru started before shaking his head. “No, sorry. We don’t have time for my stupid ques-”

“Stop. Sit down.” Puck ordered as he realized in mild horror that Subaru was going to get up despite the pain. “As much as I don’t enjoy waiting, we’re also not in a rush.”

“...Alright fine.” Subaru muttered, leaning his back against the wall as he sat. “Good afternoon, glad to see you’re back.”

“The feeling is mutual. How are you holding up?”

“Better, I think.” Subaru’s voice sounded weak, like it hurt to talk. Not a good sign.

“How vague.” 

Subaru smiled slightly. “Sorry, it’s hard for me to tell right now.”

“ Right, I guess you wouldn’t be able to give me an unbiased viewpoint,” Puck noted, “How about you tell me about the symptoms rather than the feelings.”

Subaru nodded. “I can do that. Let’s see. I can move, although not for long. I think I’m out of practice anyways so my sense of balance is worse than I remember. I can cast magic, somehow my gate got fixed. It’s bigger than it was before but I don’t think it’s average yet. I can’t talk loudly. I can’t eat freely. And I’m probably a good bit weaker than before. But all things considered, I’m doing pretty well.

“...” Puck remained silent. Aside from the fact that Subaru considered this ‘well’, Puck still couldn’t get an accurate read on his emotions. Subaru seemed calm but his feelings were running wild. If there was an emotion that he wasn’t feeling at the moment, Puck would honestly be surprised. Puck would have to take Subaru at his word. “Good news is, he’s still an honest person. His inside and outside feelings being different isn’t anything new. Which in hindsight is also concerning but…”

“So, you wanted me to talk to Emilia and Beatrice right?” Subaru said, snapping Puck out of his thoughts. 

“Right. They’re not doing well. After everything that happened, they’re depressed to put it lightly. I need you to talk to them. But first, I’d like to ask you a few questions.”

Subaru’s expression steeled over subtly, only noticeable if you were actively looking out for a change. He nodded. His expression was practically the same but now he was looking at Puck with intention rather than one would with a friend. This conversation would be difficult if Subaru was on-guard against him. 

“I’m not interrogating you, I’m just curious.” Puck clarified.

“Yeah, that makes sense,” Subaru said, tone and expression unchanged. 

“Was his reaction to being questioned instinctive? That would make sense. Although that presents a new branch of concern. If he intended to deceive me, would I be able to tell?”  Puck wondered. “Why are you back here?”

Subaru’s eyebrow raised. “Where else would I go?”

“That’s a fair answer. But really, it’s a bit surprising that you decided to even stay in the nation. I thought you would have left after everything that happened." Puck joked. Half a lie, he knew why Subaru was still here, Beatrice had already confirmed it. Subaru had a good heart but Puck wanted to know what his answer would be.

“I missed you all. Remembering you kept me sane for a good while.” Subaru admitted.

A bittersweet sentiment. Their memory was both a pillar and a chain for Subaru. While Puck would ordinarily appreciate both, both as a selfish desire to keep Subaru close and the scenario being similar to how he felt about Emilia, that lack of freedom would be an issue for Emilia’s mental state. 

“LEAVE HIM OUT OF THIS!” Emilia had shouted.

“A word of warning. Don’t tell that to Lia or Betty, they’ll hate themselves for it.” Puck said, expression darkening and continuing once he saw a look of confusion on Subaru’s face. “They’d rather let you forget about them. They…. Blame themselves and each other for your death or well… you’re apparent death anyways. They’ll destroy themselves if they think you’re so firmly attached to them.”

“...Noted.” Subaru said, expression also darkening.

“Speaking of your apparent death-”

“I don’t know how it happened. Or rather, I did but I don’t have the memory of it.”

Puck had to pause at Subaru anticipating his question but he nodded. “Noted, I suppose other questions about that would be of use?” 

Subaru shook his head. “Sorry.”

“No worries, that’s about all I think. Let’s talk to Emilia.”

Subaru started picking himself up but was quickly lifted to his feet with a gust of wind from Puck. “Thanks.”

“Any time.”

Subaru walked over to the door and tried the handle and immediately pulled his hand back, it was freezing cold but more importantly, it reminded him of a bad memory⁽¹⁾. “Stand back, I’m going to negate the magic around it.”

“Right.” Puck said, hovering back to give Subaru space without his form being dematerialized.

In a moment, Puck could sense the door start to unfreeze entirely as the warm air in the vicinity started to break down the frost around the door without being resisted.

“Actually Subaru. I have one more question.” Puck stated, a feeling in his ‘stomach’ feeling unbearable all of a sudden. “I vow on my and Emilia’s contract that I won’t judge you for it but… how many times has my daughter died?”

Subaru froze (figuratively) for a moment but then smiled, almost proudly and almost bitterly knowing how important a promise was for a spirit. “Once to Elsa. Three times to sloth, albeit one indirectly, which is where I learned about a part of your contract…”

“...” Puck’s expression darkened, knowing the implication of that statement. “I’m sorry.”

Subaru didn’t acknowledge the apology. “I should probably ask. Is that part of the contract still active?”

“No. It seemed… unwise to maintain.” Puck said.

“You know who can go back so you didn’t feel the need to have that part of the contract to force their hand.” Subaru deduced.

“...You’re sharp.” Puck admitted.

Subaru chuckled and put his hands on the door handle. “I won’t blame you for it. I think the door’s free so let’s go.”

“Wait!” Puck exclaimed. “What about after Sloth?”

“I think she was safe for everything after that.⁽²⁾ Stuff happened but she lived through the rest.”

Puck was shocked but smiled slightly. “I changed my mind.”

“Huh?”

“I will judge you. You’re incredible, Natsuki Subaru.”

Subaru smiled, and for a second Puck could read the emotions of happiness and pride. “The Great Spirit of Fire considers me incredible despite my failures. I think I consider it an honor.”

“You better.” Puck joked.

Subaru almost opened the door to Emilia’s room. But stopped. He sighed, and knocked on the door twice.

“It’s Subaru.”

“...”

No response but there was a subtle shift in the room, likely Emilia looking at the partially unfrosted door.

“May I come in, Puck?” 

“You may.”

This time Emilia responded, sounding panicked. “Hey! Wait don’t-”

The door swung open, letting Subaru into Emilia’s frozen room.

“It’s about what I expected,” Subaru admitted as Puck closed the door behind him.

“Certes⁽³⁾ those aren’t the kinds of expectations I want you to have.” Emilia said, now standing at the side of the bed as she had gotten up to prevent Subaru from entering but being much too late.

“Certes? That’s an old word, even for you.” 

Emilia smiled slightly but quickly put on a poker face. “Why are you here?”

“I wanted to see you, Emilia.” Subaru said, unconsciously dropping his nickname for her or maybe it was on purpose. 

Regardless, the lack of a nickname caused Emilia to be surprised, a bit sad and then relieved. "I'm happy to see you too.”

Subaru smiled a bit sadly. “So I suppose that you’re not happy to have me here.”

Emilia clutched her arm and stopped making eye contact. “I… want to be. I’m sorry, but I just can’t.”

“You’re still worried about me?” Subaru asked, taking a step closer.

Emilia took a step back. “Of course I am. Look at yourself, you’re hurt.”

Subaru frowned. “I… I know. I don’t look like I’m in top condition,” Subaru rubbed the back of his head, giving a fragile smile. “I probably don’t look like the Subaru you remember but I’m still here right?”

“That is not what I meant!” Emilia half-shouted. “I… I just don’t want to see you hurt again.”

“I’m here, aren’t I?” Subaru argued, taking another step toward Emilia.

Emilia gripped arm even tighter. “That’s the problem. This isn’t a safe place, not for you. It never was.”

“But it’s still home, right? The people I care about are here. And people who care about me. That includes you. So for my sake, please don’t worry about me.”

Emilia’s arm was bleeding now from how hard she was clutching it. “You know I can’t do that.”

Subaru nodded slightly, eyes glancing over the Emilia arm for a moment but choosing to maintain eye contact. He telepathically asked Puck to tell Emilia’s lesser spirits to heal her. 

 “Then keep worrying about me. But do it right.”

That caused Emilia to unconsciously let her hand go in confusion. “What?”

Subaru’s face became a bit redder. “Meili told me to let others worry about me. That includes you. But if you’re worried about me then you can’t stay holed up in this room beating yourself up.”

“What am I supposed to do then?” Emilia placed a hand over her heart and clutched at it, as if trying to rip it out. “I failed you, I failed everyone. It… still hurts.”

“Emilia. Please look at me.”

Emilia hesitated but looked up at Subaru.

“What do you see?”

 Subaru had extended his arms out, making it easier to see the details of his body. He was thinner than before, clearly he wasn’t fed properly in that cell. His hair was mostly white with stress. His eyes were sunken and his eyebags, which were already ever present in the past, reached his cheeks. His body was still littered with bruises and burns, fading but couldn’t be healed fully with the natural state of his body in a bad state.

And yet, Emilia couldn't help but find him beautiful. A gruesome kind of beauty. A beauty that would show the pain and suffering that someone had endured to come back to the people they cared about. She hated it. She loved it. Beauty shouldn’t have to hurt itself for a lost cause. It shouldn’t have to risk its well-being for what it loved.

And yet, despite her conflicting feelings as she gazed upon Subaru, there was only one answer that she could come up with.

“It’s you. It’s Subaru.”

Subaru’s expression wavered slightly “Why? I don’t look anything like Subaru.”

“I know it’s you. No one else could be here, not like this. It could only be you, no matter what you look like, that’s never changed.”

“It’s hard for me to tell sometimes. It’s hard to care about… this.” Subaru gestured at his body. “I can’t recognize myself. But you can, right? Everyone here was able to recognize me. I don’t look like myself at all but in the split second you saw me, you knew it was me. So thank you.”

“...I-I hurt you! Not just by forgetting you. But I couldn’t control myself and nearly broke you.” Emilia’s bell-like voice broke and tears ran down her cheeks. “How can you THANK me!”

“I know you hurt me.”

“THEN WHY?!” Emilia cried out, kneeling on the floor and pulling her hair, stress levels reaching a climax. Her eyes suddenly widened in terror as she looked up, half expecting to see an ice statue of Subaru but her mana had no effect on the world around her, Subaru was negating her magic. Of course he was negating her magic, he would have slipped on the floor otherwise.

Up close Subaru could see the eyebags under her eyes. A few scars from frostburn on her skin. Her silver hair grew out a bit too messy and a bit too long. Her body just a little bit thinner than what should be healthy for her. Subaru felt bad but he also slightly smiled, they matched.

Subaru took a deep breath. “Because you saved me.”

“I… saved you?”

Subaru smiled as both he and Emilia flashed back to the capital during the Royal Selection Meeting when Subaru had selfishly tried to insert himself into Emilia’s life. Maybe it was because staying still caused him to die. Maybe it was because he wanted something more than what he had. Regardless, when everything went wrong, Subaru wasn’t able to explain why he treated Emilia differently. 

Even after they met again and Subaru professed his love for Emilia, Emilia knew that there was something he didn’t tell her but had accepted it because in the moment she was happy. Emilia and Subaru both remembered that moment because despite everything, the moment was never finished.

Subaru smiled. “I can say this now because my words aren’t restricted. It still wouldn’t have been enough back then but now I’ll tell you. When I first came into this world, I was confused, I was naive, I couldn’t read nor did I know anything about this world. I was simply in my own world then I blinked and I was here.” 

“You’re from beyond the Great Waterfall.” Puck muttered.

Subaru nodded but didn’t take his eyes off of Emilia. “And on my first day in the world, I was mugged. Beaten up, hurt. Then you appeared, you’d just had your insignia stolen. But you stopped to help me. You scared the thugs away and even knowing that I’d be fine-” 

“She stayed with you, didn’t she?”

Subaru’s smile softened slightly. “She did, and I tried to help her find her insignia. I slowed her down a lot actually. But it was fun, well… you did tell me your name was Satella to scare me away.”

“I what?” Emilia choked.

“She what!?” Puck exclaimed.

“I didn’t even know what the name meant at the time. So I was in the dark for a while.”

“That’s why you asked for my name…” Emilia struggled to breathe.

Subaru laughed. “I think I called you Satella when I saw you in the next loop.”

“I’m so sorry…” Emilia managed to force the words out of her mouth, her lungs felt empty at her own stupidity.

“It’s fine, it’s funny in hindsight. When we reached the loothouse, Felt and Rom were already dead… And Elsa was there. That’s when I learned about my ability.”

“I was so horrible for you, even back then.” Emilia said tearfully.

“No, you gave me the strength to move on. I was hurting in that world. I miss my parents, but I don’t regret coming here. Not one bit. You saved me.”

“...” Emilia remained quiet.

“I’ll admit, some of my memories faded when I was in the prison. But I still remember that first day clearly. I never got to thank you for it. And you’re still here. So thank you for saving me.”

“...” Emilia didn’t- No. She couldn’t answer but she smiled. Because she finally understood. She might not agree, there was still a big part of her that wanted Subaru to be safe from her. But now at least she understood. And for now that was enough. So for the first time in a year. Emilia smiled. Not a fake smile. Not a fleeting or fragile smile. A genuine smile of happiness.

“That’s the smile I remember.” Subaru said, making Emilia’s cheeks turn red.

Emilia pouted, smile still on her face and stood up. “Well, if you’re letting me worry about you then I should tell you. You need to go to bed, you’re still injured.”

Subaru stood up as well. “I need to talk to Beatrice first but I’ll do that right after.”

“You’re always so stubborn.”

“I’m Subaru. Regardless, I'm glad we had this talk.”

“Me too.” Emilia agreed.

“Once again, he’s overdelivered.” Puck thought.

“One more thing.” Emilia said, as Subaru turned to leave. “I have a confession… I love you.”

Subaru’s mouth opened in surprise but Emilia didn’t stop.

“I loved you when your name returned, I don’t think I’ve felt a worse pain since my village had frozen over. I missed you so so much. I’m sorry for letting everything get so bad. I loved you when your name was gone, something was missing from my life and I couldn’t figure out what it was. I regret it now. And I’m sorry for letting you die.”

Subaru tried to reply but Emilia held up a hand, she wasn’t done. “I loved you when you saved me from Greed’s wedding. I already knew that I’d fall in love with you but I hadn’t realized that I was already smitten. I’m sorry for making you wait for an answer that I should have known years ago.”

Emilia took a breath and continued; not letting Subaru get a word in. “I loved you in the Sanctuary. Where you told me my flaws, that you told me you loved me despite them and where you kissed me. I’m sorry for making you go through my own issues for me, even if I’m still glad that you cared.”

Emilia’s face was a strange mixture of blushing and mortification, as if she couldn’t believe what she was doing. “I loved you on our first date, where you gave me a flower crown and told me that it was practice for when I actually became queen. I’m sorry that dream is dead now but I still remember it fondly. I loved you when you confessed to me after Sloth. You risked yourself for me and the children, you were hurt mentally and physically, and yet you still loved me. I’m sorry that I couldn’t do more to help.”

Subaru’s face was also red at this point and Emilia still wasn’t done. “I loved you when we first met. The fact that you risked your life and safety for me was baffling, you didn’t hesitate for a second when you protected me from Elsa, taking the blow yourself. I loved how you acted, I loved how you looked, I always loved you. I’m sorry for causing you to fall in love with me, you would have had a safer, calmer and probably happier life. But I can’t bring myself to regret it. I love you. I really, really reeeeeeaaaaally love you.”

Subaru and Emilia were beet red at the end of her confession. Despite the cold, it felt really warm and even the ice in her room was melting. Yet, Subaru looked guilty. He was about to send a mental message to Puck but the spirit was faster.

“Just be honest. It will be fine.” Puck telepathically said to him.

It wasn’t reassuring at all. “It does make me happy that you told me that, really it does. But I can’t answer you, even though I guess I’ve waited so long for it.” Once again, Subaru felt like the Archbishop of Scum as he looked at the ground. “My memories are faint in my head and my emotions are jumbled up. I'm still angry, I’m still scared and I’m tired. I barely know how I feel about myself. I don’t know how I feel about loving right now...”

Emilia sighed, at first he thought it was a sigh of disappointment, maybe anger, maybe even despair but looked up. And he had never seen any person look so relieved in his life. For a moment, he thought she might be faking her emotions but Puck's slight chuckle from behind him convinced him otherwise. Emilia was relieved.

“Good,” Emilia said, smiling. “It’s my turn to work for your love. And your forgiveness. I’ll try my best to prove myself to you, I’m sure Rem will too. You told her something about being a second wife?”

Emilia was being genuine, if a little bit cheeky but Subaru choked on air as Puck laughed behind him.

“I’ll be waiting for you. And it won’t matter what your answer is. I’ll accept it if you love me or not. I’ll accept it if you hate me or not. I love you, no matter what. I’ll also be sure to tell Rem about what you told me.” Emilia said, now entirely teasing.

“EMK!” Subaru said, now even more red with embarrassment. “Emilia-tan is seriously a little devil!”

Subaru retreated, leaving Emilia giggling in the now defrosting room.

“So I missed my daughter’s first kiss. And she didn’t even tell me about it.” Puck groaned in faux betrayal.

“I WOULDN’T HAVE LET YOU WATCH ANYWAYS!” Emilia shouted, face now red to the tips of her ears.

Puck laughed for a bit and let Emilia’s face cool down. She was actually on the verge of fainting. Puck enjoyed teasing her but there were limits.

“So what now?” Puck asked.

“I think I figured it out.” Emilia replied.

“Figured what out?”

“Love.”

Puck smiled. “I think so too.”

Emilia had figured out what love was. She learned what love made her do, what love made others do. She learned of how the love of her people would make her run miles in seconds to save them. She learned how love with her friends would make her happy when they lived and angry when they were hurt. She learned how the love of family would ensure that she was never alone.

She learned about the self-love that she had as a child, then lost when she froze her village, then regained when Subaru told her that he loved her the self-love that became stronger when Subaru whole-heartedly trusted even after everything. The self-love she lost when Subaru died. And still hadn't returned despite the fact that he was back. Without it, she felt that her life was meaningless, that she should spend her life rotting away until she died. 

But she didn't. Because with that realization, Emilia learned that Subaru lacked that self-love as well. But it didn't consume him, it might have at some point but he had managed to grow past it. When she had lost her self-love for the second time, Emilia finally understood. He endured the pain, the suffering and pushed himself to his limits because he didn't care about himself. Both in the time that she knew and likely in the time that Subaru removed. Emilia understood it. And now that she had experienced it, she hated it. 

Emilia learned that she loved Subaru, with all her heart. She wanted Subaru to live a happy life, free of worry. She wanted him to be safe yet free, to hold everything he cared about dear. She loved his smile, his jokes, the way he trusted her, his weakness, his strengths, the people he loved, the people who loved him.

There was only one thing Emilia didn't love about him. The way he valued himself, he threw himself to the wolves (twice literally) and came out worse for wear each time. The way he couldn't accept others' love for him. The way he didn't care how hurt he was and would do ANYTHING to protect others and couldn't care less about what happened to himself. If he did, then he would be less than Subaru, he wouldn't even be alive. 

….Well he’d be less alive than he was.

Regardless, there used to be an issue of what to do with this love. Somehow the idea of Subaru loving her as he did before seemed horrible. It would mean that Subaru truly didn't have any self-worth because if he did then he would resent her. 

“I think I would be fine with that though? Actually, maybe I would prefer that.”

Strangely enough when she thought about it, she could live with Subaru hating her, which surprised her. Being hated and feared for years was already a horrid experience so she should expect hatred from the person she loves to be even worse. But it wasn't all she really needed was him to be with her. She just didn't want Subaru to leave. Not anymore. In fact-

“We’re all in this together, right?” Emilia asked with a special kind of naivety in her voice. Except it wasn’t a question, it was a declaration. “We’ll fix everything. Everyone is making it through this.”

Puck could sense Emilia’s emotions. A strong sense of hope, an unending sense of love and a stubbornness just as deep as Subaru’s pain. She was undeniably Emilia, just one that wasn’t forced into an impossible and self-destructive task. One that chose it. Just like Puck. Just like Subaru.

Puck smiled gently at Emilia's newfound willpower. She was better. She wasn’t perfect yet but she was alive again and that was all he could ask for. “Why are you feeling so confident now?”

“Because that’s what you would do, that’s what Subaru would do. Out of everyone, I love you two the most. But I love everyone else too. And you wouldn’t abandon what you love right? No matter the suffering? No matter what you have to give up. And that’s what I want to do. You’ll help me, right?”

A dip into insanity, a bottomless pit of a stubborn hope. Something that indeed, Puck could relate to and Subaru could relate to as well. Everyone in the mansion could relate. Puck was faced with a false crossroads. Help Emilia keep everyone close to her heart. Or shoot her down, regressing back to her guilty, self-loathing and slothful self. 

But it was a false crossroads for a reason. Because to shoot her down would mean that he truly was a hypocrite. That he wouldn’t stand by his choice to do anything in his power to protect her and keep her close to heart. So both as a spirit, as a person and as a father. Puck couldn’t help but agree.

“For everyone,” Puck said with a smile, of both understanding and hope for a perfect tomorrow

“For everyone,” Emilia replied with a smile, of determination and protectiveness.

Both smiles of a willing insanity. But who would choose to be sane in this world?

Probably someone insane.

(1) Subaru is thinking of the time he first died to Puck. He tried to open a door but hurt his hand due to the cold and was immediately turned into a frozen statue. 

(2) Emilia might have died once to the great rabbit but she also could have been in the Sanctuary at the time, Subaru can’t be sure.

(3) Certes means ‘in truth’

Chapter Text

Corridor

Subaru dashed out of Emilia’s room after her repeated teasing, face hot. As it had turned out for Subaru to learn, the feeling of embarrassment from your past self’s actions will remain regardless of your uncertainty of feelings of love. Such a thing was obvious but he had not had a reason to recognize this until now.

Having said that, embarrassment was not the true reason that Subaru had retreated. He looked around and dropped down to one knee when he knew no one was watching. His hand instinctively clutching his heart as he regained his breath. Between his heart beating from embarrassment, the cost that absolute negation magic had, the state of his body and the stress from his own confession of which he felt as though it were a betrayal; it was no shock that Subaru had drained all of his stamina.

Emilia would not be happy if he were to collapse in front of her nor would anyone in the mansion. Such was an unforgivable action, to be relied upon and desire to help yet trouble others with his feeble attempts to assist them. 

Subaru had promised to let those who cared about him to word about him but if he could avoid it then naturally, he would do so. In that sense, Subaru very well might not have been keeping his promise but that was a sacrifice that he would be willing to make even if it gave him a strange feeling in his heart.

Subaru had not yet earned the privilege of weakness. Such was the right of those who had completed their task. His weakness could not be indulged in if his task was not completed. It would be one thing if he was taking a break but this could not truly be called a recess. It was simply the weakness of his body and the foolishness of him not recognizing his limits.

That was actually his biggest sin, he should have recognized his own weakness. It was one the only things that he was meant to be good at after his experience with his name being eaten. However, he had been caught up in the mood and lost track of his own body.

It wasn’t that this outcome, that being him lying on the floor in exhaustion, had been avoidable. Even if he had known of his stamina and endurance, he would have still pushed himself to this point but to not recognize his state until the effects started kicking in was a bad sign. It was a sign he was becoming complacent.

If he were becoming complacent then he was placing himself and everyone around him in danger and that was something he needed to avoid while he was here. Such mistakes would result in Return By Death being necessary and the overuse of that power was another thing he had to avoid otherwise he would not only cause others to worry but risk his sanity.

After all, he already associated Return By Death with his time being tortured. If he used it then the phantom pains on his body would flare up again. That pain was something he’d rather avoid if he had the option. 

Hm… 

Something about that thought process had a despairful yet sobering effect on the tired Subaru.

“...That seems like a depressing way to live.” Subaru said, finally gathering enough strength to speak, even if it was only to himself. With his words expressed, he realized that he would need to get water soon so he slowly began to pick himself off of the floor as he continued his line of thinking.

The way Subaru was treating Return By Death didn’t sit right with him. The Authority, by its very nature, was a last resort; an out in case something happened. Despite rather having the authority than not having it, Subaru could not help but think of it as something to be afraid of.

Ignoring the fact that making a plan now would be pre-emptive, Subaru’s only outline of a plan was to avoid using the ability in the first place. That wasn’t a plan, that was simply fear. He was planning to live in fear. No, perhaps he was already living in it.

When had Subaru begun fearing for his sanity? When had he gained a fear of being touched? Was it simply because he was not able to afford such things before? Had his mind kept such fears in check because he could not afford it? 

If that was the case, then his fears would likely be the direct result of Subaru’s own sloth. That was a cruel idea but if his trauma was hurting his ability to function and do what he desired to do then the duty of fixing such a thing likely fell to him. It was not as though he could ask someone else to fix his mind. Unfortunately, he had no way to do so himself either.

“I’ll brainstorm it later.” Subaru thought to himself as he had finally reached his room.

“???”

Subaru sensed something in the room. But it switched quickly as he got close. Subaru couldn’t pinpoint the feeling but something certainly changed within it. It wasn’t that he sensed magic or anything, it was simply his intuition telling him that something was wrong; well, not ‘wrong’ in the traditional sense. 

For some reason, Subaru didn’t believe that the shift was of anything dangerous but combining his abilities along with his instinct was one of the few ways that Subaru was able to avoid death without trial by error. So he would not enter his room and rather inspect the mansion to ensure that nothing was wrong.

Passing through the corridors, Subaru realized that he had forgotten the layout. He was able to recognize Emilia’s room by sensing Puck and her contracted spirits and he was able to remember the path to his own room but he had forgotten what every other room in the mansion was. Which was unfortunate but he could learn it eventually.

 It made his task more difficult… It happened again. An imperceptible shift behind a door. How odd.  Subaru knocked on the door gently. 

“Come in.”

Sylphy’s voice. Speaking of which, along with Rem and Ram, she was hit with Subaru’s Shamak. If she didn’t know what had happened then it was probably still necessary for Subaru to apologize. Subaru opened the door.

Sylphy’s Room

Immediately upon seeing Subaru, Sylphy flinched back on her bed, still feeling the after effects of Subaru’s spiritual misfire. Subaru silently clenched his teeth and didn’t enter the room as he was filled with guilt. He just bowed towards Sylphy.

“Sorry, about hurting you with my mistake. I’ll do my best to not let anything like that happen again. Sorry to burden you.” Subaru closed the door.

“Wait!” Sylphy called out as Subaru prepared to dash away but was stopped quickly.

Make no mistake, Subaru would have left Sylphy in the room and continued his search around the mansion without asking any questions. Also, nothing physically prevented him from leaving, but a hard impact on the floor behind the door would naturally stop him.

Re-opening the door, Subaru saw Sylphy slowly peel her face off of the floor, legs shaking in pain as she lay down on her stomach. A pleading expression adorned her face, whether a plea to help her up or a request to not leave Subaru could not be certain. Regardless, he’d likely have to do both. 

“Give me a minute, I'll get Cancri…”

“Thank you…” Sylphy groaned. “Wait, who's-”

But Subaru was already gone, though he came back in a moment with the dark purple yin spirit. Right. The only thing in the mansion that she didn't know the name of, that included Meili's Wolgarms (Not that she was very creative. Wol and Garm, what the hell?), was Subaru’s new yin spirit.

“I’m really sorry for asking so much from you, Cancri, but can you please help Sylphy up?”

Sylphy couldn’t actually speak to nor understand spirits but it seemed to her that Cancri was happy to be of use to Subaru. As it floated over to her and casted Murak, causing her to float upwards and letting her use her arms to drag herself into bed.

Subaru practically rapid-fired his last sentence. “Alright well, sorry about that- I’ll be going now!”

“Don’t you dare.” Sylphy said, venom practically dripping from her voice, stopping Subaru in his tracks. “How did this happen to your lower body? Why is that the most painful part and why do you seem so used to this.”

If the air in the room didn’t shift due to Sylphy’s voice then Subaru’s demeanor now certainly did it. He stopped, stiffened, then he clenched his fist. Then with an eerie calm, he turned back towards Sylphy. His expression was both direct and yet distant.

“I don’t have to answer to you.” Subaru stated plainly.

Yet, despite Subaru’s calm, the temperature in the room had been removed. The air felt as though it had been sucked out of the room. 

Since he had come here, Subaru had never been hostile. Even his magic had been painful at best. There was no technical harm done and even then he’d been extremely apologetic so to make a full 180 on a single line of questioning was quite frankly terrifying.

Sylphy had already been told that Subaru’s eyes were scary but with his sunken eyes, large eyebags and broken body, Subaru seemed… TERRIFYING. To Sylphy, Subaru’s mostly white hair made her even more intimidating. Regulus, despite having very few eye-catching features, suddenly flashed extremely clearly in her eyes.

Sylphy couldn’t breathe. She was going to die. She had angered someone that shouldn’t be trifled with. She wasn’t even going to be able to live for her previous friends in Regulus’ wives. She wasn’t going to be able to live to see him die. She was dead, plain and simple.

Her heart started beating faster, she tried to move but her system was shutting down. Even if had been able to run, the pain would have made her collapse to the floor as soon as she touched it. Her vision blurred, she couldn’t stop shaking and felt nauseous.

“Kill me. I don’t want to die but if I was going to die, I wouldn’t want it to be from him. Not like this. Please kill me. I’m sorry to ask this of you, Emilia. But please kill me. Please kill me. Please kill me. Please kill me. Please kill me. Please kill me. Please kill me. Please kill me. Please kill me. Please kill me. “

“HEY! SNAP OUT OF IT!” 

Sylphy was suddenly struck out of her illusion. Sylphy was quite literally struck out of her illusion with a firm slap to the face from Subaru, who upon seeing Sylphy start to come back to her senses, backed off. He was still terrified of touching people but he had still hit her to prevent her from fainting.

Cold, his hands were cold. They were cold to an unhealthy degree, that was one the things that Sylphy had experienced after feeling his pain. Along with cuts, burns and wounds on her skin. Every nerve of her body firing off at once (that one fortunately did not last long) and especially the damage to her lower body. Ranging from the sensation of muscle atrophy, the awareness of bones being just slightly out of place and the feeling of direct damage to her hip bone and the area around it.

But at the moment the only thing that mattered to her were his hands. The impact he had made when he had hit her didn’t really hurt, she wasn’t sure if he could even muster up enough strength for a damaging slap; she certainly could not. 

Regardless, she could still feel the cold of Subaru’s hand and that reminded her that this was not Regulus. Regulus had time continuously stopped around his body and therefore could not feel hot nor cold to the touch. 

Subaru was not Greed. 

And on that note, while the other symptoms faded quickly, she still felt nauseous. In fact, she felt considerably more nauseous than she had when she initially had remembered Regulus. Although, this nausea had derived from guilt instead of fear. Sylphy threw up bile. Ruining her clothes and bed, of which she did not currently have the capacity to clean by herself.

Or at least she would have if not for a bucket seemingly appearing directly beneath her face. Courtesy of Subaru recognizing what would happen if left alone. The greenish-yellow liquid felt bitter in her mouth. Which is why the tray with a glass of water that Subaru passed her was helpful. Fortunately, she had been brought food since she was unable to move.

“S-sorry,” Sylphy apologized, “And thank you.” 

“...” Subaru remained silent… and left. Sylphy couldn’t find the strength in her heart to call out to him again, the symptom more from guilt than physical weakness.

Suddenly, Sylphy remembered something Frederica had told her when she lay his unconscious form down in bed. When they’d learned that Subaru had developed refeeding syndrome and therefore could not eat much for some time. The celebration of his return had been halted and Subaru needed to throw up.

“He was really self-deprecating, saying he felt like the Archbishop of Scum and saying he ruined the whole event.”

Sylphy looked at the door which Subaru had recently exited her room through. “If you’re the Archbishop of Scum. Then I must be the Witch.”⁽¹⁾

Sylphy also grimaced, a feeling of complete dread running through her. 

"But... that does effectively confirm my suspicions"

Corridor

Subaru continued his hunt for what had set him off. There was something strange about the doors… The doors. 

What would Subaru even sense behind the doors that would be dangerous? Surely Beatrice, who had a force field around the entire mansion would be able to sense something first. If not her then what exactly would he sense that no one else would. Only one answer came to mind.

Beatrice herself. 

Beatrice had a way to gain mana when they were not contracted. So she must have gotten enough mana to use Door Crossing. And Beatrice, in all her tiny tsundere glory had used it to feel as close to Subaru’s room as possible when he had left to meet Patrasche. And now, she was switching doors to avoid him. How was he meant to catch her then?

A sudden light bulb went off in Subaru’s head.

“Cancri, I’m really-”

The dark purple orb of a spirit barreled into his chest, making him feel all tingly as it messed with the space around his torso. 

“Snrk- Hey! Hahaha. Stop, Heh”

This feeling, as it turned out, was apparently the spiritual version of tickling. The tingly feeling spread to all over his body as Cancri transmitted its emotions through mana. Impatience. Excitement. Annoyance. Curiosity. Relief. Interest. Satisfaction. 

Basically, Cancri was telling Subaru that it wanted to help. A sentiment Subaru couldn’t understand logically. He’d be best off asking Beatrice for advice. Hopefully she would be able to relate? So, plan ‘Library Loli’ was a go.

Mansion’s Library

This was Beatrice’s domain. Should she not want someone to enter the room, then they wouldn’t be able to… unless they opened every door in the house (besides the bathrooms). Well… there was one person that was able to bypass this restriction.

Her former contractor Natsuki Subaru was able to simply sense what door that she was behind. She wasn’t sure how and neither was he. It was simply the fact that when faced with Beatrice’s specialty magic, that he would be able to ignore her restriction.

But Subaru was the ONE person that Beatrice did not want entering her library. As much as Beatrice still loved him, she already felt as though she was a failure of a spirit and Subaru had no intention of distancing himself from her as she was unintentionally warned by Emilia who had called Beatrice via their contract, a rarity. So naturally, Beatrice had to go despite their differences.

A Few Minutes Ago.

Over the past year, Emilia had only become more depressed and tired as well as becoming more hostile to Beatrice as the months went by. 

What's worse was despite being a contractor and contractee, the feelings were mutual. So even with Puck as a mediator, more than a few fights between them had broken out. And when Beatrice says 'fight' she does not mean a quarrel or scuffle.

No, they fought. 

It was a life and death battle every time their stress levels reached a maximum level. To the point that often Puck wouldn't be enough to prevent them from engaging in combat. Meaning that one of the other camp members would have to intervene, resulting in more than a few wounds resulting from crystalized skin and frostbite burns. Which only sent them both further into despair

Was it a conscious decision? Beatrice would like to say no. That they fought simply due to a build-up of stress and nothing else. But unfortunately, she was not a liar. She knew that a profound sense of satisfaction from hurting the girl, a feeling that she felt much more deeply than the guilt she would feel afterwards.

Similarly, Emilia felt the same way. Beatrice could tell how Emilia felt when giving her mana. After a fight, Emilia felt a sense of pride and guilt. Her sense of pride was much stronger. 

This was because they saw their own failures in each other. So to see someone who shared your feelings and failures they’d eventually attack each other. Especially since Puck wouldn’t let Emilia perform self-harm (much) and Beatrice’s nature as a spirit preventing her from damaging herself.

Of course, neither Beatrice's satisfaction nor Emilia's pride lasted long. Their guilt eventually coalesced into a self-destructive burst. Hence, both Beatrice and Emilia looked less than ideal. 

Between Emilia’s exhaustion and Beatrice’s apathy of her form, neither were truly longed for this world. They’d live in the literal sense but they weren’t happy in any sense. Even after Subaru had returned, they’d hurt him and had resigned themselves to their rooms. 

Honestly, Beatrice wouldn’t have been surprised if she had never seen Emilia again and would eventually fade away from mana loss. Honestly, Beatrice wouldn’t have been able to bring herself to care. But again, if Emilia called her through their contract (which, again, a rarity) Beatrice wouldn’t refuse.

So she teleported to Emilia’s room.  Or… she was supposed to. But the room that Beatrice ended up in, wasn’t frozen over. In fact, there wasn’t even any water to show that the ice had melted. The room was cooler but that was it. 

However, what surprised Beatrice most was Emilia’s demeanor. She still looked horrible but somehow, the cold aura that she seemed to exude when they were together had disappeared. What could have happened?

“Subaru stopped by earlier,” Emilia told her, of course. If there was any person who could make Beatrice’s contractor feel better again, it could only be Beatrice’s former contractor. Beatrix was curious as to how he had managed such a feat in such a short time but she didn’t feel the need to ask.

However, that still brought a question. “What does that have to do with me, I suppose?”

“Well, first of all, Subaru is looking for you.” Emilia told her, unaware that Beatrice had immediately taken it as a warning to avoid him.

“And second, I suppose?”

Emilia suddenly grasped Beatrice’s hand, kneeling down in front of her. “I have so much to tell you. But it wouldn’t be enough. So I have to show you.”

Beatrice had already gotten a refill of mana from Emilia yesterday. With Emilia’s mana capacity, it had been a generous refill, to the point it could be compared to how Beatrice was during the fight against the Great Rabbit. But with great mana capacity, came great mana regeneration, especially with how often she had used her gate in the past 2 years.

So what Emilia did next, even Puck would be surprised. Almost all of it. Emilia gave Beatrice almost all of her mana. Beatrice winced, knowing the feeling of contempt and guilt that were coming due to such a practice. A reflex that she had gained due to repeated mana transfers. 

But Emilia surprised her. Obviously there was still guilt but the contempt had disappeared. There was exhaustion. There was relief. There was gratitude. There was determination. There was love. 

There were feelings Beatrice had long stopped noticing in Emilia and feelings that she didn’t realize Emilia could feel towards her. These emotions, this attitude. It was foreign to her. It was scary. It was freeing. Beatrice couldn’t understand. And among those feelings, the strongest one… Regret and Repentance. 

Emilia was sorry. And Beatrice couldn’t understand. She could comprehend such a reaction from Emilia. What had Subaru done to change or reveal her feelings like this? He’d done something impossible once more. And Beatrice had no idea how to feel about it. Even as Emilia fainted and leaned on her unconsciously. 

Emilia only muttered one sentence into her Beatrice’s ear. “I’m sorry.”

And despite herself, Beatrice couldn't help but shake. She couldn't understand. Why? Why had she apologized? She was supposed to be angry, she was supposed to hate Betty. Betty was supposed to hate her. She was supposed to be the embodiment of Beatrice's sins. Beatrice was meant to be the embodiment of hers.

They were both supposed to be unforgivable. And now, despite Emilia's hatred fading, Beatrice felt a strange kind of emptiness. A strange sense of being alone that was different from what she had experienced for 400 years. Emilia could no longer be the subject of what Beatrice now recognized as a fragile and self-serving hatred. The same hatred that Emilia had shed in a single day. 

If Emilia was determined to find a way to repent for her sins, then she had some semblance of a way forward. Unlike Beatrice.

Emilia's apology had become a condemnation.

And now there was only one sinner left in the mansion.

Mansion’s Library

Could Beatrice be forgiven? No matter how many times she thought about it, Beatrice's answer had to be no. To be forgiven, Beatrice would have to repent. To repent, Beatrice would need a way forward. And the only way forward would be to integrate herself into Subaru's life. To reintegrate herself into Subaru's life, Subaru who is incapable of holding any true fault against her, would be unforgivable. By that logic, the desire Subaru to kill her was also an impossible expectation.

She would be taking advantage of him if she met him and for what? Beatrice provided no value to his life, his emotions had shown that. If Subaru had ever, EVER needed her then that time had passed the moment that his name had been. One year ago, Subaru had asked Beatrice to 'save him.' He had said such a thing because Subaru would not be able to protect Beatrice from anything other than loneliness. Right now, Beatrice couldn't protect Subaru from anything because the most damaging thing to him was his attachment to her, who was stagnant while everyone else would be capable of moving forwards with him. She was a parasite.

Beatrice would not be able to comfort Subaru for he was afraid of being touched. She could not heal him for the same reason. She could not advise him because she could not truly understand him nor could she understand things or people around him nor could she understand herself. And as a spirit, her contractor should be the most important thing to her. Right now, that included Emilia. So for both of their sakes' Subaru's wellbeing came first.

Hence, Beatrice had decided that the best thing to do for Subaru was to cut herself from his life to the furthest extent possible. Meaning that she would change her doors away from Subaru when he approached them. Subaru's stamina as of this moment was horrid, so he wouldn't be able to chase after her for very long regardless. And after two swaps, Subaru seemed to stop getting near the door that Beatrice had connected to this mansion's library.

...The door opened.

"Hello, Beatrice. So how would you like to speak to me?" Subaru said, not a hint of humor in his voice.

Beatrice was dumbfounded. "...How....?"

Subaru shrugged. "I had Cancri cast Absolute Negation Magic near the door you linked to the library."

At this point, Beatrice’s understanding of magic was being challenged. And as the former Great Spirit of the Library, that understanding took priority of what suddenly seemed to be a lost cause. "That would only cause the door to become normal, in fact. All you'd do was cause the original library door to be the actual entrance once again, in fact."

"Yeah, that's how I figured out what the original door was. If you find more wall behind a door, it stands out."

"No, no, no, no." Beatrice fumed, cutely stomping her foot on the floor. "Explain to Betty this instant, in fact."

Subaru tilted his head slightly in confusion before sighing and shrugging. "I found the door that you linked to the library and stood far enough away that you wouldn't sense me."

"That makes sense, in fact."

"I used the Absolute Negation Magic through Cancri so they understood how the technique worked."

"Stop. Stop right there in fact." Beatrice ordered, now less in anger and moreso in confusion, as Cancri floated through the door. "You casted EMT. Through a spirit. A lesser spirit, in fact."

Subaru hesitated and squinted his eyes at Beatrice"...Yes."

"A unique spell that not only should you find difficult to cast knowing the technique through but having the visualization of space being distorted in such a way that mana has no effect on the world around it."

"Shift the changing mana to a frequency that the world is not on. In doing so, the world around the mana can not affect the mana and vice-versa. Basically I change the mana's frequenct so it can't affect the world. I came up with the spell and you explained it to me. We drilled it for almost a year, I wouldn't forget."

"How would you even cast the spell when your gate has only recently been re-activated? How many tries did it take you to perform such a spell?"

"..."

"Su- ack." Beatrice tried to call out to Subaru but realized that she was still unable to even say his name without choking back a sob.

"1, 2 and 3?"

"What does that mean, I suppose?"

"I was found by the Witch Cult as soon as I spawned in."

"An unfamiliar term I suppose but I get the idea, in fact."

"I realized I could use magic in the first loop, wasted the second when realizing my checkpoint changed from the prison and used magic purposefully in the third."

"Checkpoint?"

"I can go back to a certain time with the Authority. Sometimes it seems that it's... unhelpful."

"Ah..." Beatrice muttered, eyes gaining a distant look. So that's why he was stuck in the cell. But then her eyebrows furrowed. "Wait, no, in fact. If 3 is for the loops. 2 is for the times you used magic within the loops before casting the spell. Then 1 is..."

Subaru smiled, a hint of pride now on his face as Cancri somehow nestled its materialized form into his hair.

"..." To use a such a spell on their first attempt. An impossible feat. Or was it?⁽²⁾

Naturally in casting magic with Beatrice she, as a 400 year-old great spirit, would bear the burden of actually casting magic. Although... If she used the technique then since she was simply the medium then Subaru would retroactively learn the technique used to construct the magic simply due to being guided, the instructions would effectively be written on his broken gate and probably stayed within his fixed one. 

However, in terms of visualization... no actually. Subaru was already good at visualization, near perfect actually. When they fought the Great Rabbit, Beatrice only handled the construction technique of Minya and prepared Al Shamak while Subaru handled the aiming and therefore the visualization.

But there was one issue.

"So you can cast the absolute negation magic and you... casted the spell through your spirit to teach it the spell, I suppose?"

"...Right."

What was with that hesitation? "And then you left the spirit in the area where I had the door connected to the library before going to the original door, then as soon as it casted the spell, you opened the original door, I suppose?"

"Simple."

"Su- Agh."

"You really can't say my name, huh?"

Ignoring Subaru's statement phrased as a question, Beatrice put her hands together in front of her face. "Ignoring the theorized ability of yours to visualize the magic so well. Deduced the restrictions behind Door Crossing. You taught a lesser spirit a unique spell. A spell that you would need a full spirit to properly visualize the effects of because lesser spirits are not fully conscious beings. Meaning that your spirit affinity was strong enough to engrave the visualization and construction technique unto its Od even if temporarily. Then you told your spirit through your contract to cast the spell after you found the door. Am I to believe that, I suppose?" 

Subaru pressed his lips against each other, his understanding of the feat finally registering. "Except we don't have a contract, I told it to cast the spell after a few minutes."

"...." Beatrice was stunned. "Lesser spirits cannot understand words, how would one even begin to tell it through mana the necessary context to signify time?"

"Is that important? I kind of came here to talk about-"

Beatrice stared daggers into Subaru, letting her magical energy spill out into the air. This gave the feeling of a cold, ghastly aura that Subaru didn't even flinch at but understood the meaning of regardless. 

"Alright. Alright. I told it to move through every door in the corridor in a rhythm before casting the spell. Like this."  

Subaru transmitted emotions and identified objects through mana to Cancri as they had a short conversation.⁽³⁾ Cancri flew off towards a bookshelf, waited for a few moments then went to the next. They repeated once per bookshelf and eventually flew back into Subaru's hair. The entire event lasted 5 minutes.

 “Ingenious…” That was all Beatrice could manage. He managed to communicate with a lesser spirit specific instructions by combining unrelated smaller instructions. It seemed simple on a surface level but the conversation that they'd had to communicate intentions was actually shorter than the rhythm that Subaru set for the spirit. The timing had less to do with the literal timing and more of Subaru’s ideation of how the action should play out. Subaru was now less of an mid-level rookie Spirit User and more of a high-level amateur if not a low-level intermediate. And even a low-level amateur spirit user was a rare commodity. 

However, Beatrice had two more questions.

“Why is such a spirit still lesser? Its attachment to you, its ability to cast and its own sense of self should be more than enough to become a quasi-spirit.”

“I was actually hoping to ask you about its attachment. Cancri hasn't known me for very long.”

Beatrice looked at him in confusion. “It has known you for 2 months, in fact.”

“Exactly, that's hardly-”

“That's on the higher end of time it has historically taken to like you, in fact. Aside from Betty, wouldn't they be the one that's taken the longest to become attached if you only consider them to have gotten attached at the end, in fact?”

“What? No. That can't be right…” Subaru closed his eyes in thought.

Emilia said she'd fallen for him at first sight. 

Puck only became hostile towards him if Emilia died, they were perfectly friendly for every moment until that point. 

Ram and Rem had become friendly with him after a few days and Rem had only become hostile initially because of the Witch’s scent. 

Roswaal had wanted him on his side before they met but they had gotten along before that, seeing as he didn't hold many negative memories of him before the Sanctuary. 

Patrasche and Subaru had gotten along immediately. 

Otto considered him a friend after a few days, if so many. 

Garfiel had started calling him boss after he'd gotten defeated in less than a week and, once again, had only become hostile initially because of the Witch’s scent. 

Meili always got along with him but also she was technically hostile in the beginning.

Frederica and he already got along fairly well when they met.

Even Beatrice had formed a contract with him in one loop and told him of the curses after the Wolgarms.

Actually, even counting the time lost during loops for everyone, two months was considerably above the average.

“Ok, I guess making friends isn't that hard,” Subaru admitted.

“You've entirely missed the common denominator, I suppose.”

“Huh?”

“Getting back to the original point.” Beatrice ignored Subaru’s confusion. “Your spirit is purposefully restricting its growth, I suppose.”

“Huh?” Subaru repeated, though for a different reason.

“In every metric ‘Cancri’ is closer to a full spirit than a lesser one. Very much thanks to the strong resolve and spirit affinity of the one it has devoted itself to, in fact. The spirit wants to help you almost half as much as you want to help others. And since it wants to help you specifically, it is a surprisingly selfless spirit, I suppose.”

“I feel like you're overestimating me.” Subaru admitted.

“My judgement of you is not the one under question in this scenario, in fact.” Beatrice claimed, crinkling her nose in annoyance. “And I suppose the conversation with your spirit can wait until after you are finished here. As for the final question, why haven't you contracted with the spirit?”

Subaru paused and took a breath. “...I've talked to everyone in the camp today, besides Clind but he doesn't have anything to say to me anyways nor do I know what I'd say to him so that's fine. I'm not just doing this because I like to talk to my friends. I'm doing it because I want to take back my name. Maybe not in the same way but I want it back nonetheless. And that means that even if my goals can't be achieved today, I want to announce them today.”

For the first time during this conversation, Beatrice's facade broke, a fearful and sorrowful expression now adorning her face. She knew what was coming next. She also knew what she should do next. But she didn't know if she could do it.

“I know that your contract won't let me contract with other spirits and that without our contract, you have another way to gather mana that allows you to keep the barrier up. And I know how you feel about my execution and after I lost my name. But I don't care.”

Beatrice felt her resolve waver. Regardless of the answer she gave, she was almost certain her Od would shatter. That she'd be entirely broken beyond repair.

“I know I don't look like the same Subaru that you made a contract with. I know that I might not even act or feel like the same Subaru. But I have to say, eventually I want to recreate our contract.” Subaru extended his hand. “So please wait for me.”

And in an instant… A single instant. All her worries were resolved. 

Beatrice’s expression shifted slowly into a sad smile. “I want to say you're mistaken, I suppose. First of all, Emilia and I had made a contract when your name was eaten, in fact. And recently, she gave me more than enough mana for us to make a contract right now and not worry for years, in fact. And that would be ignoring the mana I had stored before then.”

Subaru opened his mouth to speak but, much like Emilia, Beatrice held her hand up. “Second, Roswaal has 'edited' my contract. I no longer monopolize my contractor. And I would much prefer you did not rely on me so please contract with Cancri, in fact.”

Subaru started to smile but Beatrice wasn't done. “And thirdly… I love you. You already knew that…" Beatrice's face immediately contorted into a grimace. "But you are so fucking wrong if you think I'm going I'm going to contract with you with that fucking self view.”

(1): Sylphy is the only person that could make this statement. Due to knowing of the Witch of Greed from Roswaal and being fairly familiar with both versions of Regulus⁽⁴⁾, she theorizes if there are other Witches of Sin.

(2): Vsauce Music Intensifies.

(3): The conversation went something like this:

Subaru: (Cancri, Validation, Beatrice. Bookshelf Tap Tap Bookshelf Tap Tap. Bookshelf Tap Tap Subaru.) “Show-off to Beatrice. Move to these bookshelves in this rhythm, then return to me.”

(Curiosity Subaru  Desire) “Do you want me to?”

(Confusion. Realization. Subaru, Pride, Confirmation. Obligation, Denial.) “Huh? Oh! Yes, I'll be happy if you do this. But you don't need to if you don't want to.”

(Curiosity Fulfillment, Validation. Condition, Subaru Desire.) “I was just checking. As long as Subaru wants it.”

(4) You read that correctly.

Chapter Text

Mansion's Library

Subaru thought he was ready for anything. Ok, maybe that was a bit of an exaggeration but not by much. He'd expected that their contract wasn't able to be reformed for multiple reasons.

First of all, his contract Beatrice ensured that there were only two ways for Beatrice to refill her mana. First, they could use mana crystals, a rare commodity, or Beatrice's could drain mana from Subaru's feeble excuse of a gate.

Obviously, since Beatrice had a spatial barrier around the mansion, she'd found a way to regain mana. Naturally, Beatrice was able to do this because their contract was severed. So obviously, remaking their contract was out of the question for the foreseeable future for the safety of the mansion.

That might have been why he had let his guard down when Beatrice said she had enough mana to last for years should they contract right then and there. Subaru wasn't a fool though, so he immediately understood that assumption was only true if she kept her mana reserves solely for maintaining the mansion. Which would not be the case if Subaru was thrust into the flames again, regardless that was reassuring.

Second of all, Beatrice might have had mixed feelings when it came to Cancri. Naturally, as someone whose contract literally monopolized their contractor, Beatrice would be apprehensive to Subaru's friendly spirit. Which is one of the reasons that Subaru had not formed a contract (aside from the immediate fear of harming Cancri with it).

However, Beatrice had been better than accepting about Cancri. She was genuinely interested in Cancri's and Subaru's abilities together. From casting negation magic together and apart to Subaru's makeshift timer while they were separated. When comparing Subaru and Cancri's partnership to Beatrice and Subaru's, the latter had more intelligence, power and creativity. This was not to discount Cancri who, even as a lesser spirit was able to last longer in terms of magic due to not being an artificial spirit that drained mana rapidly. Obviously, this gave Cancri and Subaru more versatility, longevity and technically more options.

Together, they would theoretically have all of the benefits of both. Especially since Beatrice's contract had been changed to allow for multiple spirits. And Beatrice's interest and curiosity would allow for Beatrice to get along well with Cancri, in theory at least.

Third was the most painful but relatively unlikely, the idea of Beatrice not contracting with him because he wasn't effectively the same Subaru. Subaru felt tempted to write this possibility off of his mental list of things to go wrong. After all, the only person who seemed to care about how he looked and acted had been himself. But maybe that was the reason that Subaru was unable to write off such an idea. It was paranoia, plain and simple. But he kept it in his heart to protect himself from the idea that Beatrice would hate who he was now.

The only idea that Subaru had actually discarded was that Beatrice had grown dissatisfied with their initial contract. That Beatrice recognized him as a sub-par contractor and that he wasn't good enough for her. That was a thought that had burdened him in the past but with how Puck described her condition and her general state of disrepair, messy hair and dirty clothes the latter of which she was capable of changing at any time, that possibility had quickly become an impossibility.

Subaru was fully prepared to wait for the moment that Beatrice would be able to genuinely contract with him again. And he was willing to do almost anything to find a way to reform their bond as quickly as possible. Especially since he had relied on the remnants of Beatrice's contract to keep himself sane through multiple loops. 

Maybe that was why Beatrice's words stunned him.

First she had told him that her mana would not be an issue, even if they were to contract now. Regardless of the fact that circumstances could change at any moment, that made Subaru happy. It meant that he would not hold her back for some time, even if they contracted at that instant.

Then she had confirmed that she was fully fine with Cancri and that Roswaal had changed her contract to allow him to contract with other spirits. Subaru would have to thank Roswaal for that. Then Beatrice had told him that she would much prefer if Subaru made a contract with Cancri and to Subaru that was the equivalent of a senior giving their approval to their junior,

All of Subaru's worries had been doused. So no one could blame him for letting his guard down and practically taking a blow to their Od to Beatrice's next words. It was painful, to the point that Subaru was entirely incapable of movement or reacting to anything for the next 5 minutes. 

Subaru stood there, in complete silence and without moving for five minutes. This was despite Cancri's attempts to get him back to his senses by messing with the space around him and flickering in front of his eyes. Cancri was simply an innocent bystander and since Subaru had locked his more surface-level emotions away from Cancri, they were entirely incapable of understanding the situation. Eventually, Subaru reacted to Beatrice's words.

"W-what? What did you say?"

"I said, I love you... But you already knew that," Beatrice cleared her throat, this time her words dripped with venom. "But if you think I'm going to contract with you EVER AGAIN with that fucking self view then you are fucking wrong."

Everything about that had disarmed Subaru. His plan of acceptance, even if rejected, was crumbling. Because Subaru wasn't experiencing rejection. He was experiencing absolute denial. Subaru could have accepted rejection but this was different, Subaru couldn't understand this. His self-view? What did that mean? He could only connect it to the closest thing in his recent memory.

"I-is this like when Rem said she wouldn't forgive me if I spoke badly about myself? I don't think I did that though. D-did I make a mistake?"

Pathetic, desperate, cowardly. Those were the words that Subaru could describe himself as right then. His mind was fracturing and rebuilding itself at the same time. He felt as though he was back at the Royal Selection ceremony, where he had embarrassed and hurt himself and caused trouble for Emilia. Was this his fault again? Had he made a mistake? Had he overstepped? 

And if he didn't understand what Beatrice was saying then why did it feel as though she was attacking his soul. What was going on? The only possible conclusion that Subaru could come to was that part of him understood what was going on and was rebelling against Beatrice's words but the larger part of his consciousness was simply confused.

Subaru clutched his head, migraine striking deep into his skull. His heart was beating louder than his thoughts. He felt cold. Subaru was used to physical and mental deficiencies with his own body. So he was able to come up with a diagnosis for himself quickly. Two issues. Exhaustion and Stress.

He was supposed to be better than this, he was used to stress and exhaustion. He's been stressed and exhausted since the moment he came to this world. He had been even more stressed and exhausted after his name was erased and after it had returned. He was EXTREMELY stressed and exhausted after he'd hit himself with Shamak. So what was the difference now?

"Even now, you can't help but blame yourself, I suppose. You've already spread yourself too thin. This is why, Subaru." Beatrice said, last word sliding off the tip of her tongue with poison practically laced within his tone.

Why was his name a condemnation? Something at his core was shaken. Something fundamental that his mind was refusing to accept.

"I-I don't get it. What are you talking about?" Subaru asked.

Truth be told, there was nothing Beatrice could do to comfort him despite wanting to. She couldn't hold or hug him, nothing. Yet she had hurt him.. And yet, Beatrice found no guilt within herself, not this time. Subaru needed to hear this. This was the only way he could get better. There would be no beating around the bush, no hints, no secrets, not even a gentle guidance. Subaru needed to be crushed under the truth. Otherwise he would never learn.

"I drained your mana when you came to the mansion. Betty's and Emilia's mistake caused you to have a breakdown." Beatrice told him.

"So?" Subaru asked.

"I could see your emotions at their worst. You remember, don't you? How it felt when your nightmares got so awful that you'd hurt yourself in your sleep? This was worse. It was sickening. Do you know what I saw?"

"..." Subaru couldn't speak. Both because he wasn't sure of what Beatrice would have seen and he was terrified upon realizing that Beatrice saw his emotions while he was in a vulnerable state and unable to suppress them. He had killed lesser and quasi-spirits by being careless, even a great spirit might not come out unscathed and clearly, Beatrice was scathed and because of him no less.

"That apologetic expression is frustrating, in fact. Betty saw, no she FELT your mental pain.  You were angry at being forgotten. You were sad because you were abandoned. You were terrified. Afraid of death, afraid going back to that cell. of being hurt, of being touched. What do you think of that?"

"I'm sorry." Subaru apologized, and flinched seeing Beatrice's expression. 

It broke. Beatrice’s expression broke. Before, Beatrice's expression was angry, sad, afraid and worried. But as soon as Subaru said those words, the light in her eyes faded instantly. Her expression didn't soften, it slackened.

"For what, I suppose?" Beatrice asked.

Subaru had enough sense to know to shut up at this point. He had missed every hint, every cue, every right word. He'd messed up worse than when he met Frederica, Meili and Petra or Rem and Ram. He didn't know his mistake but he absolutely knew that he had made one at least. A catastrophic mistake. At this point, speaking again would only dig him deeper into a pit.

"For making me go through that? You think I'm upset because I was hurt?"

No, of course not. Beatrice might have been initially avoiding him because of her guilt but when he had spoken to her about his contract, she'd changed her concerns. Subaru hadn't switched gears and Beatrice swearing at him while denying any contract in the future had entirely disarmed him.

"No, I-I'm sorry. I-I don't how- I don't know what to say anymore." Subaru managed to stutter out. 

"In that case, Betty will get this facade over with. You talked to everyone that you thought you should, seeking out my current contractor and Betty herself independently."

"Puck asked me to," Subaru clarified.

"And how do you feel after that?" Beatrice asked before holding a hand up. "Don't answer that, you have exhausted yourself, you've spread yourself too thin again."

"I... wanted to do it."

Beatrice's eye twitched. "Fine, I will accept that. But what about you?"

A flash of confusion passed through Subaru's face. "I'm hurt, I know that. That's why I had to do this as soon as possible. I’ll rest right after."

He was trying to explain himself but in truth, it was pointless. Subaru could not 

“Subaru…” The name felt strange coming from her, she almost never called him by his name before. “Betty will admit that going and talking to the people you care about is some form of self-care. In your state, it's a twisted and self-destructive form of self-care but it's there.”

“I'm fine. Subaru managed to say, it was defensive but he wasn't lying. “I'm great actually, better than in months. I'm injured but I can move. I can talk, use magic. I finally have some semblance of a life back. Why is that bad?”

“YOU'RE MISSING THE POINT, IN FACT!” Beatrice shouted, causing Subaru to step back out of instinct and fear, Beatrice had overstepped that time but she continued regardless. “You speak of yourself like you expect me to see an imposter using your name. As if you're guilty for being even slightly out of place or even changing.” 

Subaru swallowed dryly, he was starting to understand the issue. He didn't like how his body felt or how it looked, it was the same reason that he'd pierced his hands in frustration when he couldn't make a plushie of himself. It was the same reason he told Ram that he shouldn't be considered her family. Frankly, Subaru was facing identity issues.

“Even before…” Beatrice’s voice cracked. “You didn't spare a single thought for yourself, in fact.”

“That’s not true,” Subaru protested. “I lived every day knowing what I wanted and aiming for it. There was almost never a moment I didn’t spend for me.”

“And did that ever extend to your wellbeing?”

“-!” Subaru opened his mouth to speak but faltered. He could lie, he’d gotten good at that if he really wanted to. But what good would it do against someone who’s already been hurt by his emotions? None. It would be useless.

“That’s the problem. Anyone but you. Always anyone but you.” Beatrice complained. “Forgive the clown. Recruit the cat. Befriend the merchant. Save the maids. Love the half-elf. Contract the spirit. Adopt the assassin. But let yourself die. How in the Dragon’s name am I supposed to ignore that? Even- No. ESPECIALLY if you do, I can’t.” 

“So… where does that leave us?” Subaru asked.

“Subaru. No matter what, I am on your side. That means I'm angry at the people who hurt you, myself included. I care about the people you care about and you too.”

Beatrice smiled sadly once again.

“But if you want a contract or even a glance in your direction.” Beatrice's expression softened. "Care about yourself more. Cherish yourself like everyone else does. Let your mind and body heal. Stop taking on unnecessary burdens. Learn to be angry, to be concerned about yourself. Learn that your feelings are valid. Put yourself first. Or kill me.”

Subaru looked mortified. The door burst open behind Subaru, looking back at the door no one was there. Memories burst open as Subaru remembered when Beatrice used to blast him through the doors and sometimes through the windows.

Beatrice had a hand extended out towards Subaru “But you can't do that, can you? I've long accepted that you'll never kill me. So hate me, despise me. ANYTHING. Until you manage to love yourself.”

Subaru was blasted out of the library by a gust of wind, forcing him to roll to absorb most of the impact. 

“Sorry!” Beatrice called out as the doors slammed shut.

He wasn't pushed very hard, in reality he should have come to a sliding halt but Beatrice overestimated his leg strength and body mass. Looking up from the ground, the Subaru could tell… Beatrice had left the library in its original position. Subaru would be able to reenter at that very moment but it wouldn't be worth it, he'd run out of things to say and he still didn’t really understand what Beatrice had meant. It was getting dark out anyways.

At least he knew where to find her. But even stepping through the corridor, head hung in defeat, Subaru remembered. Beatrice’s eyes had lost their spark again⁽¹⁾.

Outside Subaru’s Room

A purple-black orb floated and circled around Subaru’s head, keeping him from overthinking as his attention was solely on it. Cancri transmitted feelings of happiness and relief to Subaru. But Subaru had a question for it.

Subaru: “How much longer can you remain materialized.” ⁽²⁾ 

Cancri: “Cancri recharged throughout the day so you don’t need to worry about me.”

Subaru: “That’s a relief.”

Cancri: “Why?”

Subaru: “Well, I can actually touch you. I can’t interact physically with anyone else. You’re giving me hope.

Cancri: “Cancri understands now. That makes Cancri very happy.”

Subaru smiled, about to enter his room but suddenly stopped, seeing who was waiting next to it.

“Clind?”

“That is correct, Subaru. Accuracy. I’m here to speak with you.”

“I didn’t think you were going to, you’ve already welcomed me back and I can’t really go to training right now.” Subaru joked, rubbing the back of his head.

“You shouldn’t even be thinking of such things. Annoyance.” Clind said, narrowing his eyes at Subaru. “I desired to speak with you after you had finished speaking with everyone. Final.”

“What’s up, Clind? It must be important if you’re going out of your way to speak to me about it.” 

“It is about your soul.”

Subaru’s eyebrows furrowed. “Elaborate.”

“You may not have known before but I possess the ability to sense the soul of others. That includes their ‘purity’ and age. Confirmation. Both of which are concerning when it comes to you. Concern.”

“...Ah.” Subaru muttered realizing what Clind was referring to..

“I estimate that you spent two years in ‘purgatory’. Analysis.” 

Subaru looked around the area and told Cancri to dematerialize and look around. And to rematerialize if anyone was coming. “If we’re just going to rip off the bandage now, it was three years. My soul hasn’t been aging since I was gone, I guess.”

“I’ll have to keep that in mind. Noted. And your soul is…. tainted. And damaged, it’s threatening to crack. Dangerous.”

“After three years? I thought it would be holding up better now that I’m back.”

 “The soul is often most vulnerable when it is healing. But as for now, I have to ask… Why would your soul be tainted? Damaged makes sense, corrupted would also make sense but tainted? Confusion. That would mean that there was an outside source of contamination."

Subaru’s eyes narrow in a lack of amusement. “I’m not sure how I should take being labelled as contaminated. What does that even mean?”

“It means that the soul is hurting, that it’s been damaged in a way that time alone won’t heal. It’s not necessarily dangerous but when it comes to the mind that becomes a vulnerability. Like a miasma in otherwise pure mana but for the Od itself.”

Subaru opened his mouth before Clind clarified. “Without your… unique circumstances and authority. Clarification.”

“Noted. I’m not sure what would taint my soul though. Other than… well, torture.”

“Well, can you denote what you went through to the largest extent possible? Elaboration. It is possible that may give us a lead. Deduction.”

“...It will be faster if I…” Subaru patted his pockets for a minya crystal but found that it wasn’t there. “The crystal’s gone… Frederica must have gotten rid of it…” ⁽³⁾ 

“Crystal? Confusion.”

“Nevermind, I’ll explain…”

Clind looked a bit “Brainwashing and Dismemberment from Ferris, Stress from torture and your authority, Bruises  from Reinhard,  Burns from Julius and that’s not mentioning the other knights. Concerning. How you managed to resist a complete soul breakdown is beyond me. Impressive. I’ll tell Roswaal to look at the reports from your ‘sessions’. Confirmation”

“There are notes on my imprisonment?” 

“Indeed. And a word of warning. Your authority causes an inflow of memories to rush into your mind, correct? Validation.”

Subaru’s eyes widened slightly but went back to normal after a moment. “That’s correct. I guess Petra, Frederica or Meili told you?”

Clind nodded. “I suggest against using it. Warning I’m aware that there’s likely more behind the authority since you seemed to refrain from using it often. But I have to suggest not to use it whatsoever for the time being. Warning.”

Subaru nodded solemnly and began to open the door to his room as Clind began to walk away. But then Subaru stopped moving. 

“...Hey Clind? I just realized something. I need to confirm this with you.”

Clind turned back towards Subaru. “Whatever you need. Confirmation”

“Is there anyone and I mean ANYONE who’s been acting out of character lately? And I don’t mean just changed in the time I was gone. Are there any souls that don’t match the person? Or any people in the mansion that I haven’t seen today? Any new recruits, people to report to. Anything?” Subaru asked, forcing himself to keep his voice even but a slight tremble with his hand on the door handle betrayed his true feelings.

“There are not any new people that have been recruited to the mansion in the time that you have been gone. Denial. Every soul is within their rightful owner. Certain souls are shaken or have darkened during your absence, but none are damaged or out of place. Denial. In terms of reports, the other former camps and we are in contact. Admission.”

“Hm…” Subaru grumbled, still facing the door.

“I know that you have issues with the other camps, and you’d be right to have them, but they are trustworthy.”

“I don’t doubt their trustworthiness. I have some resentment that I’m not planning to let go of and I do plan to act on it eventually, but I’ll be making an effort not to put anyone at risk.”

“That’s more than I’m asking for. Gratitude. And more restraint than I can reasonably expect. Temperance.”

“We have bigger problems, right?”

“That is correct. Confirmation.” 

“Regardless, I need you to keep what I’m about to tell you in the tightest knot possible. As few people should know as possible.” Subaru closed his eyes, his hand on the door now trembling even more.”

“Understood.”

“Meili probably told you but Lust has ‘children’ that obey her. That included Elsa and Meili and still includes one of the archbishops of Gluttony, unless he’s been killed at some point.” A beat of silence passed. “Didn’t think so. Regardless, three of her children were posing as knights during the time I was imprisoned.”

“You think they might have tainted your soul.”

“If I had to guess. I don’t think anyone else could have done it. Or would have for that matter. Felix is a damned bastard when desperate but even he had lines he wouldn’t cross.”

“If I can ask-”

“You can’t. The less I talk about them, the better it is for me. I was told recently I needed to take better care of myself, so I won’t even bother trying to get into detail. They were the worst of the worst, and out of all the loops and damage I have now, they were probably responsible for most of them. That’s all I’ll say about our… ‘relationship.’” Subaru’s hand tightened around the door handle as he spoke. “They used fake names, or so I’ve heard but the ones they used as knights were Parotier, Haltime and Gerraming.” 

“You seem to know so much about them. Notice. Much too much to be so tense when speaking about them. Incomplete. Why hold them such a regard”

“Their false names and identities crumbled pretty easily under any pressure. Didn’t do me any good though. Any time I tried to expose them, they’d cause Wrath to burn herself to death after activating her authority or they’d just… ‘kill’ me. Their information network was stronger than their ability to hide it. Or maybe no one trusted me enough to hide it from them.” Subaru smiled bitterly, opening his eyes slightly.

Clind noticed the quotation behind kill but he deduced that Subaru was likely referring to his authority. “You’ve been through a lot. Worry. Although”

“Well, I’m not letting it happen again. At least I hope so. What do you think? Would my soul be able to handle doing it again?”

Clind shook his head. “I doubt it. Unfortunate. I don’t even think you’ll be able to use your authority to its full extent anymore either. Limitation.”

“Fortunately, that’s about standard. It’s not a fun ability to use. It’s a last resort, of course the amount of times I’ve found a dead end, even before losing my name, is… actually quite sad now that I think of it…”

“I’ll keep that in mind. Noted.”

“Can I ask you to keep it a secret? As in, how long I spent in that prison?”

“...As long as it’s reasonable. Relenting.” Clind confirmed.

“That’s fair. I think I’m done, really this time. Come back, Cancri.” Subaru twisted the door handle, finally opening the door and finally made eye contact with Clind again, smiling. “Thanks for caring about me, Clind. It’s been getting harder for me to do it myself..”

As Subaru began to close the door, Clind vaguely sensed the yin spirit fly into his room. Following that, Clind walked away. “I can relate. Analogous.”

Subaru’s Room

All the energy that seemed to be within Subaru’s body seemed to dissipate as soon as he closed the door. He was exhausted. Plain and simple, although at least now he knew why his stamina seemed even lower now despite his body being better than in prison.

“‘Most vulnerable when healing’, huh?” Subaru repeated.

If Clind was right, then it would explain why his resistance to the effects of stress had diminished. Although, Subaru was clearly only in the beginning stages of healing. Subaru let out a sigh that he hadn’t even realized that he was holding in. 

(Concern, Subaru)

Clind hadn’t figured it out. His secret was still a secret. With his luck, the secret would likely be revealed soon but at least this way he wouldn’t be obligated to face that issue yet. He wasn’t ready for that. Not while his body still ached and he couldn’t even think about the false knights without trembling. Physically and Emotionally violated… that sounded on-brand for Lust.

(Concern, Subaru)

He could deal with it later, especially with a tainted soul. He didn’t think they affected him THAT deeply. Not even the Great Rabbit had left such a sound impression on him. How frustrating. 

(Concern, Subaru. Concern, Subaru. Concern, Subaru.)

“Ah!” Subaru snapped out of his trance. He had overestimated his ability to think about them. He was drenched in sweat now and felt all sticky. Which was the last thing that Subaru wanted to be feeling right then. “Thanks Cancri. Saved me again.”

A quick bath later, Subaru was in a new set of clothes, and felt clean again. It was time for him to start brainstorming again but in a way that didn’t force him to spend sanity points on not dying to stress. 

Beatrice.That conversation hadn’t gone the way he was expecting at all. And usually when things don’t go the way he was expecting, he’d die. That hadn’t changed since he had gotten into this world. He needed to find a way to relax. 

‘Put yourself first’ Beatrice had told him. 

Subaru was upset. 

Beatrice shouldn’t have the right to tell him to put himself first when her own mental state was like that. Not only that but she had given him her ‘that person’ speech but for himself. That was the most annoying thing. She was acting like a hypocrite. Subaru didn’t want to hear such things from her. Especially not the part where she told him to kill her.

“Not again…” Subaru complained to himself. It literally took the entire mansion burning down to get her out of such a suicidal state. At least she seemed aware that Subaru wouldn’t be able to kill her. But her orders to hate her until he loved himself… 

That hurt. As if she was saying that he couldn’t love her and himself at the same time.

But that wasn’t why he was upset. He was upset because he understood why Beatrice had acted like she did. If the roles were reversed, he would also attempt to force Beatrice to gain a sense of self-worth. He had taken a similar approach to drag her out of the library.

He was offering to make a contract with Beatrice with his own life on the line while Beatrice was denying a contract with their bond on the line. But the overall principle was the same. It was emotional coercion, plain and simple. And if even Subaru felt no guilt knowing that then Beatrice, who had read Subaru’s emotions and become hurt by the backlash, would feel as though she was entirely in the right.

So when seeing it in that light, Subaru couldn’t really be angry at her. But it didn’t change his feelings about his situation. He had no semblance of an idea of how to prioritize himself nor to care about what happened to him. His self-worth had always been tied to how people viewed him. There was no changing that overnight. He’d have to ask for advice.

“Cancri is sad, Subaru is ignoring me. Cancri has been forgotten.”

Subaru was immediately broken out of his thoughts by a sad spirit. Feeling it in such bad spirits made Subaru entirely unable to focus on his own introspection. 

“AGH! Canri! No, please don’t be sad. I’m sorry. I haven’t forgotten about you, I was just distracted. I didn’t mean to hurt you! Please forgive me!”

“Please don’t panic. Hard to stay calm when Subaru panics. Best to speak to Cancri so there is no panic. No panic is best.”

Subaru calmed down slightly. “I apologize. I won’t forget about you. I will never forget about you. I know what it’s like to be forgotten. I will never put you through that.”

“Cancri understands so Subaru calms down. What distracted Subaru?”

“I’m thinking, I just need to think.”

“Subaru is unsatisfied. Cancri needs to try harder.”

“Cancri was perfect, Subaru is problem.”

“What is problem with Subaru?”

“You want to listen to me talk.”

“Talking to Subaru was favorite part of Cancri’s life.”

Subaru blushed slightly and smiled. Subaru told Cancri about his day so they could understand. Cancri had the intelligence of a small child so it was a bit difficult but they managed.

“Subaru doesn’t like Subaru?”

“No, Subaru hates Subaru more than anything else in the world.”

“How could someone hate Subaru that much? Especially if the person is Subaru.”

“Subaru is tired of being weak. Subaru feels useless.”

“Why does Subaru need a use to be loved?” 

“Huh?”

“Cancri was useless to Subaru before today. Does Subaru not love Cancri? Does Cancri need to do more to deserve love?”

“Of course not. You being here, with me, is a very important use.”

“Then why is Subaru useless? Is being loved not good enough a use?"

“Huh… I guess you’re right.” 

Cancri brightened in happiness. It was a childish point of view. Or at least it was to Subaru. ‘Why do you need a use to be loved?’ ‘Is being loved not a good enough use?’ Of course being loved was a use. That’s why he needed to let people worry about him, that’s why he needed to be there for his friends even if he couldn’t help directly. 

Being loved was a way to help. And maybe that wasn’t self-love. But it was a good starting point.

“Thank you, Cancri.”

“Cancri is glad to be helpful.”

“Now I have a question for you, Cancri.”

“Anything.”

“Beatrice said that you’re more intelligent, have a stronger sense of self and are more powerful than a lesser spirit. But you’re still one. Beatrice said you must be restricting your growth so why?”

“....” Cancri didn’t transmit any emotions but Subaru could tell that it had become shy.

“Any question but that?” Subaru teased.

“Cancri, will answer. Just give them a sec.” Cancri flickered for a moment. “I… thought you might not recognize me if I grew…”

Subaru's cheeks puffed up, repressing laughter.

"Don't laugh at Cancri... It's embarrassing..."

"You... you're so cute... So, so cute." Subaru communicated, grasping Cancri's form in his hands and hugging the spirit. "You are always Cancri, no matter what kind of spirit you are. So grow. Rest within your anchor and wake up to greet me. Then... we will make a contract."

"Really?"

"Really."

"Ok, sleeping now."

Almost instantly, Cancri's form dematerialized and went into the anchor brick. Subaru knew exactly which part of the brick actually contained the anchor, and he'd collect that part... right after a nap. Subaru fell asleep.

Roswaal's Office

"Thank you, Clind but... Three fake knights and Wrath... Ugh.  that certainly explains why Subaru was stuck in prison. I imagine they made his life hell." Roswaal groaned.

"His soul has also been tainted so the situation is bad for him. Contaminated. His authority won't be used easily without risking himself. Dangerous" Clind informed him.

"We lasted a year without it we can last with one injured person. He'll be helpful even if he doesn't use it. Morale is the highest it has been in a year,"  Roswaal smiled. "All things considered, things couldn't have been expected to go better. Even if I'd rather have both, between his sanity and Authority, I'd rather have his mind. Although, we will have to restore his Authority as quickly as-"

Roswaal's office doors burst open as Sylphy and Rem nearly collapse to the floor but manage to support each other by leaning against each other..

"What are you, doing here? Mortification. You're hurt. Damaged." Clind said, moving to support the two girls.

For some reason, Roswaal didn't say anything for the moment. He just looked off to the side and held up a hand as if to stop someone from moving. Rem and Sylphy didn't notice though,

"We're not injured... just hurt." Sylphy protested.

"We needed to speak to you as soon as possible, away from prying eyes or opened ears. If you were not awake, we simply would have woken you. Having said that, Clind can you please leave?"

"Rem!" Roswaal scolded with authority, something he rarely used against them. "If it was important enough for you to limp here to avoid your sister, then it's important enough for Clind to hear."

Rem scoffed as Sylphy stuttered. "W-well, you see.... We were affected by Subaru's misfire, which revealed some... um, well... unsavory details."

"Sylphy. Rem might be soft-spoken but she also dislikes beating around the bush, if you don't get to the point. Rem will say it plainly" Rem cut through Sylphy's words.

"...Fine..." Sylphy said, taking a deep breath and steeling her will before Rem had the chance to speak without sugarcoating the already dreadful words that she had taken it upon herself to say.

"Subaru has been assaulted in prison..." Sylphy said, closing her eyes. "Sexually."

A cold air passed through the room. Roswaal, Clind, Sylphy and even Rem stood still and let the words register.

"What?"

Rem flinched, she knew that voice. And it wasn't a voice she wanted to hear right then... Any time but right then. An impossibly even voice that she did not want to hear that, not now. Not while they were in such a vulnerable state. But looking to her left, in the corner of the room that Rem didn't believe she had the strength or time to check before. Stood a very, very angry Oni.

"What did you just say?" Ram asked, in a vengeful kind of disbelief.

(1) Referring to when Beatrice accepted his contract when the library was destroyed.

(2) Cancri and Subaru are communicating by transmitting emotions rapidly. It comes naturally to spirits but Subaru is only using deduction and context.

(3) The past-seeing crystal will return, no worries. Frederica just crushed it into mana so no one would be able to look at Subaru through it and suffer the itching effect.

Chapter Text

Roswaal’s Office

Roswaal had cleared his papers to the side to have a clear view of his ‘reporters.’ After Lugunica was engaged in a civil war, he needed to make some changes to his information network. It wasn’t as widespread as Otto’s but it gave him more direct information of the camp's home base. 

There was no need to reorganize even now that Subaru was found. Meili would still look through the forest and village to ensure no foul play from the cult or overconfident citizens. As far as Roswaal knew, there was nowhere else nearby other than the forest that Otto’s divine protection wouldn’t allow him to know of. Witchbeasts didn’t have any interest in communicating with him after all, unless they were tamed by Meili. 

To the main point, Roswaal didn’t need to engage in more than surface level matters just yet. Not until they managed to get enough control that they could actually spare enough people for another attempt at the Watchtower. As of this moment it would carry a high risk to leave for the Watchtower due to the gaps of defense in the capital that it would cause.

He had told Clind to check on Subaru and his soul and mental state. It was admittedly a bit manipulative but it’s best to get more details on Subaru’s mental state. He also asked Clind and Ram to check with the other camp members, including using a Metia to speak with Otto. 

It wasn’t perfect but it was necessary. As Roswaal had learned simply from experience, the incomplete Witch Factor of his teacher was still a Witch Factor. So even if the Gospels aren’t perfect or even as accurate as his previous Book of Wisdom, they were still effective, and even moreso when the user was in a beneficial scenario. And this scenario was very beneficial for the Witch Cult.

“Ram, how are Frederica, Meili and Petra?”

“They seem to be in decent mood although Touto-su had stabbed his hands while sewing. Natsuki Village is also safe as of right now; Garfiel and Otto have arrived there as well. They are lacing the wall with Earth Lagmites and should be back to the mansion by noon tomorrow."

“That’s good. Thank you, Ram.” Roswaal said as Ram bowed. “Clind, how are Emilia, Puck and Beatrice?” 

“Emilia is doing quite well, according to Puck. Improvement. She transferred most of her mana to Beatrice today, so she’s finally taking a proper rest. With her mana capacity and recovery, she should be active again as early as tomorrow. Early.” Clind confirmed.

“Will she actually become active though?” Roswaal asked.

His words sounded harsh but everyone in the mansion would understand what he meant, even Puck. Emilia hadn’t been very… willing to move since Subaru’s execution. Even after Subaru had returned, her guilt had kept her holed up in her room. So Roswaal had her temporarily written her off as an asset until further notice. If she needed time, he would give her time. 

“Subaru went to meet her recently at Puck’s request-” Clind started before being interrupted by Ram, standing next to him.

“Hm…” Ram hummed, somehow with an annoyed tone without speaking a single word. “I noticed Subaru fall to the floor, exhausted, after he left Emilia's room.⁽¹⁾ And he agreed?”

“That is what happened. Correct.” Clind nodded, ignoring the now murderous aura that Ram had suddenly manifested. “He was very ‘inspirational’ from what I’ve heard. After talking to Emilia, her temperament improved dramatically.”

Ram was still frowning but the corners of her mouth loosened slightly. “A drastic shift in mood and personality after a conversation with Touto-su.” Ram’s grimace suddenly doubled and the corners of her lips lowered even further. “That sounds like him.”

Roswaal sighed, he knew what was causing Ram such distress. Subaru wasn’t feeling like himself right now, in the most literal sense. That was why he told her that she shouldn't think of him as family and that he wasn’t the same Subaru that she knew. That had really hurt her. Not because of what he said but since, to Ram, it showed the depth that she had failed him. So to hear that he was still the same person on a fundamental level shows how little Subaru remembers of himself.

“But that’s not enough to have you make that face, is it Ram?” Roswaal thought.

Naturally, since spells can only be cast with a visualization of the effects and construction of the technique. Shamak didn’t have a true construction as it was smoke until the spell was casted at Ul levels. 

However, the effects were concerning. Subaru hadn’t intended to cast Shamak so any effect beyond separating someone’s consciousness were entirely based on his mental state. Sylphy notwithstanding, Rem had an absurd pain tolerance but even she was rendered practically immobile.

Subaru had casted an unfocused, accidental Shamak. Yet, the effects were drastic. If Ram was not in constant pain, she would also have been rendered immobile. And it couldn’t have been any stronger than Subaru’s own pain. So either he was dealing with it through willpower or experience. Roswaal begs that the answer is willpower.

“Indeed, he spoke with Beatrice as well but that didn’t seem to be as beneficial of a conversation. Neutral. I’m not sure what they spoke of but she’s stationed the library at the original door so I did not need to open many doors to find her. So something has changed, I simply do not know what has happened. Unaware.” 

“And how is Touto?” Ram asked, eyebrows furrowing slightly.

“Subaru is… difficult to assess. Unclear. His soul is tainted, so his mental state is damaged but in a manner that’s foreign to his actual development. Flawed.” Clind stated.

A beat of silence passed through the room. Roswaal raised an eyebrow as Ram looked up at Clind in confusion. Clind held a fist to his mouth and cleared his throat.

“He’s been badly traumatized. Clarification.”

“Is that surprising though?” Roswaal asked, “I believe it would be strange if he wasn’t traumatized after all.”

“No. Denial. This isn’t something as simple as pain or fear. That would entail a darkening or fracture unless Subaru was entirely unfamiliar with the kind of pain. Confirmation. Although, Subaru’s soul has darkened… but only slightly. Impressive. Tainting would entail something more jarring to him. Either that or an outside force affecting him. Concern.”

Roswaal closed his eyes in thought. “Hm… Do you have any idea of what that may be?” 

“Subaru mentioned Lust’s children were hidden within the Knights, at least at the time that his name was erased. Admission. He claimed that they were responsible for most of the difficulties and injuries sustained within his imprisonment and said out of all of the knights, they would be most likely to have tainted his soul. Dangerous.”

“Hm… did Subaru describe them?” 

“I don’t believe he is able to, he still seems terrified of them. Fear. He wasn’t even able to make eye contact or even move effectively when he spoke of them. Trembling,” Clind said, he looked a bit crestfallen.

“I see…” Roswaal was about to speak more but suddenly stopped and sighed. “Ram, please.”

Ram who had been unconsciously about to release a shackle out of rage suddenly snapped back into this reality. She still had a grimace on her face but she apologized with a bow. She was supposed to have a stronger mentality than this, perhaps her brother and sister’s ‘injuries’ were frustrating her. Regardless, she was volatile and needed a rest.

“Ram, thank you. Please take a rest.” Roswaal told her.

Ram opened her mouth to protest but simply nodded and moved towards the door.

"Thank you, Clind but... Three fake knights and Wrath... Ugh.  That certainly explains why Subaru was stuck in prison. I imagine they made his life hell even with his authority." Roswaal groaned.

"His soul has also been tainted so the situation is bad for him. Contaminated. His authority won't be used easily without risking himself. Dangerous" Clind informed him.

"We lasted a year without it. We can last with one injured person. He'll be helpful even if he doesn't use it. Morale is the highest it has been in a year,"  Roswaal smiled. "All things considered, things couldn't have been expected to go better. Even if I'd rather have both, between his sanity and Authority, I'd rather have his mind. Although, we will have to restore his Authority as quickly as-" Roswaal stopped as Ram did, she clutched her forehead and quickly moved to a corner of the room. She had just silenced any effects of Synthesia, and that meant…

The doors to Roswaal’s office suddenly burst open as Rem nearly stumbled through them. She nearly bring Sylphy, who was relying on Rem for support, to also collapse to the floor. It took some time for Rem and Sylphy to readjust their positions to get back their mutual support system. 

With a quick glance over to Ram, Roswaal could tell she was furious at Rem for leaving her bed when she was in that state, even worse that she had done it in an attempt to evade her. Ram couldn’t be happy about this if she tried but she restrained herself knowing that if Rem saw her then she’d miss her chance to hear what she’d come here to say. 

Roswaal decided to play along; an action that he would soon come to regret. He held up a hand, signalling Ram to remain still, just in case.

"What are you two doing here? Mortification. You're hurt. Damaged." Clind said, moving to support the two girls by giving them an extra (undamaged) support beam.

 "We're not injured... just hurt." Sylphy protested, as if the semantics made the situation any better.

Rem did not bother with any niceties, maybe too tired to care.  "We needed to speak to you as soon as possible, away from prying eyes or open ears. If you were not awake, we simply would have woken you. Having said that, Clind can you please leave?"

Ram’s expression changed slightly, Rem wasn’t like this before. Either her condition is worsening or her patience was wearing thin.

Roswaal drew attention to himself. Rem! If it was important enough for you to limp here to avoid your sister, then it's important enough for Clind to hear."

“Tch,” Rem scoffed. The entire situation was strange to Roswaal. Rem reaching out to him? Rem not checking the location of her sister before sneaking here, Rem not noticing that Ram had only recently cut off Synthesia? All odd. But it really only came down to two reasons.

1. This was important.
2. She was in a world of pain.

Sylphy stuttered as Rem continued to pout. "W-well, you see.... We were affected by Subaru's misfire, which revealed some... um, well... unsavory details."

Ram nearly released a shackle again. Whatever damage had been done to Subaru, the effects had also been transferred to Rem and Sylphy. Whoever had done this to Subaru had just gone up on Ram’s priority list for kills. Likely right under Lust, Gluttony and Wrath. Roswaal felt the sudden need to warn Ferris and Julius.

Rem’s eye twitched, clearly not amused with Sylphy’s… shyness? What could be so bad that Sylphy was hesitating to speak out. 

"Sylphy. Rem might be soft-spoken but she also dislikes beating around the bush, if you don't get to the point. Rem will say it plainly."

Something clicked for Roswaal at the moment. A horrible, horrible idea sprouted in his mind. Lust’s children? Meili and Elsa weren’t exactly the symbol of Lust but… could it be possible that some of her other children could be? Subaru’s soul hadn’t even darkened after he was consumed by the Great Rabbit but if anything could taint his soul… But that would mean that Rem also…

Roswaal needed to get Ram out of the room now.

"Subaru has been assaulted in prison..." Sylphy said, closing her eyes. "Sexually."

Shit.

The room felt as though it would freeze over in a moment. No one dared to move, Roswaal’s eyes shifted over to Ram.

"What?" Ram asked, not fully processing the information. 

Rem flinched back, suddenly noticing Ram’s presence. She would have collapsed to the floor if not for Clind holding her. Sylphy tried to hide behind Clind weakly as Ram’s bloodlust suddenly spiked. The fragile light in her eye vanished immediately.

"What did you just say?" Ram asked once again, not really looking for an answer.

“Ram! DON’T!” Roswaal shouted.

Rem suddenly clutched her forehead and groaned. She shivered and grit her teeth but in the end, it was futile. Using Synthesia, Ram had managed to force out Rem’s horn and use it to access more of her power temporarily. Wind swirled around Ram in a dangerous manner.

Roswaal pierced through the veil before Ram managed to draw too much mana. Placing a hand on her forehead Roswaal apologized and forced mana into the gap where her horn should have been. Usually it was a gentle process but mana given like this would ordinarily weaken her but Ram was rejecting most of it and powering through the rest.

“What are you going to do? You don’t even know what the children look like,” Roswaal complained, Ram starting to slip from his tight grip. 

“Juli. Blue… Start.” Ram choked out despite her forced exhaustion and starting to lose herself to rage.

“They likely don’t know. Refutation. I don’t believe that they would let that happen. Doubt,” Clind argued.

“Don’t… Care. Ack-!” Ram grunted before suddenly going limp in Roswaal’s arms. Roswaal became confused before watching Clind shift to catch Rem whom had also fainted.

Rem had struck her own horn with her fists, forcing both sisters into a state of unconsciousness. And causing the wind pressure in the room to be relieved. The three remaining characters in the room breathed a sigh of relief.

“...Too close,” Sylphy breathed, leaning further into Clind.

“Indeed.” Clind agreed.

“...Sylphy, can you please elaborate on what you meant by… unsavory details?”

Subaru's Room

“Cognition Disruption magic,” Roswaal stated. “Just… without the magic.”

“You believe it to be an Authority? Curiosity." Clind asked.

“It would make sense for the authority of Lust to hide the effects of Lust. We already know she can extend part of her authority to others” Roswaal pointed out, remembering what Meili had told her of ‘Mother's’ treatment.

“And to increase the damage and pain done by lustful actions,” Sylphy added, trying to keep most of her weight on her arms as Clind held her on his back.

Rem and Ram had been left in their respective rooms while they were unconscious. Which was unfortunate, seeing that no one who was currently active in the mansion could cast healing magic other than Beatrice. And revealing the situation to Beatrice seemed intuitively unwise and revealing it to Emilia or Garfiel was even worse. Otto would have to be tread around carefully though, lest he figure the situation out himself and distrust would be sewn throughout the mansion once again.

They would have to wait for Subaru to be healed and to prevent his injuries from worsening. Pain was only a benefit if you could do something about the damage. After that, it's just a twisted way of reminding you that you're still alive. As long as Subaru was in such pain then his healing would slow, his stamina would lower and his soul and mentality would worsen. And his healing, stamina, mentality and soul were already in a bad state. It didn't matter how good he was at acting if his body didn't let him handle basic movement by his own admission.

“I think I can break the remnants of the authority with Yang magic before Subaru wakes up. Then Rem should be able to heal him on the next night.”

“That sounds like a good plan. Judgement,” Clind nodded before glancing over at Sylphy. “Are you ready to go to bed, Miss Sylphy?”

Sylphy’s cheeks pinkened slightly as her eyebrows furrowed. “Please do not speak to me as if I am a child.”

A pause. Sylphy’s cheeks grow pinker as she comes to the realization that she wasn’t going to get to her room if she didn’t say yes.

“But yes. Please,” Sylphy murmured shyly

Clind and Roswaal smile, much to Sylphy’s dismay.

The Morning In Subaru's Room

"I don't.... wait, yes I do recognize this ceiling," Subaru spoke, raising his head from the pillow and immediately feeling parched and hungry. Should he call for someone to help or get food himself? Which was less burdensome? Probably the former but the feeling in his throat was more constricting than his legs which he was used to overworking. He'd overworked his voice somehow. He was sure that he didn't speak much yesterday. Maybe since his throat was weaker it took less to exhaust him.

"Hm... Oh. No need." Subaru noted as he saw a tray with food and drink for him on the bedside table. "Mayonnaise." 

Unfortunately, the tray seemed deliberately placed just out of the range where he would be able to reach comfortably. He would need to get up. Bracing himself and throwing off the sheets, Subaru stood up.

His legs ..they hurt. But less. They felt normal, he'd equate the physical pain now as akin to the phantom pain that he felt when Returning By Death in the prison. Noticeable and painful but negligible in context. Basically, he felt amazing. He suspected that Roswaal was the one to relieve the pain, seeing as his body was still as injured. He'd have to thank him for that. 

As for this moment, Subaru placed a hand on the spirit brick, sensing for Cancri. Once Subaru found them, Cancri woke up as if shaken awake. Their form was still a dark purple but no longer a glow exactly but rather an.... anti-glow? As if it were absorbing the light from its surroundings but yet was somehow still visible, a paradox in spiritual form.

"Non-standard. Julius' Yin spirit still had a glow even as a full spirit.⁽²⁾ I'd better ask Beatrice later. Ah right, I still have to ask her about sensing the pits in the village." Subaru said aloud, knowing that Cancri still would be unable to understand his words. Only full and great spirits enjoyed that privilege. "Congratulations Cancri, I believe that you are now a Quasi Spirit!"

"Hooray!" Cancri gave the closest thing to a cheer that it could manage through mana, he still couldn't place a voice within the spirit even in his mind.

Subaru realized how hard it was to form a description of Canri beyond their personality. Spirits didn't really have genders until they were full spirits so Subaru couldn't help but wonder if Cancri was a boy or girl or maybe something else, did stuff in between even exist for spirits? Since they didn't exactly have human bodies it didn't really matter. Cancri was a child about 4 chronologically (but around 6-7 mentally if Subaru had to guess) but there wasn't really any definitive way for a spirit to grow.

"Let's go find everyone and celebrate! It's my birthday!⁽³⁾"

"You don't want to make that contract?" Subaru asked.

"Ack-!" Cancri transmitted their feelings of surprise.

Cancri was also seemingly very forgetful.

"So you forgot about me, huh?" 

"No, No, No. I would never forget Subaru. Cancri just... forgot. about... the contract. Sorry"

"It's fine." Subaru comforted Cancri by patting the top of its materialized form, "What do you want from our contract?"

"I want to be with Subaru forever and ever."

Subaru smiled. "So cute..." He wrapped his hands around Cancri's form, his hand darkening harmlessly as Cancri's form absorbed the light around his hands. He pulled Cancri closer to his chest. For a single moment, Subaru thought he felt someone else. Or some others. 

Petra’s cruel headbutt, an attack she used on him whenever she felt he was being too insensitive.

Roswaal’s simple presence, a passing judgement to see how things were progressing.

Frederica passing a cool glass of water to him after training.

Clind’s accommodating hand pulling him from the ground while practicing

One of Meili’s plushies being pressed against him in one of their playing sessions.

Garfiel's purposeful but benign strike, a playful hit.

Otto’s firm grip, trying to keep Subaru from doing something stupid or pushing himself too far.

Ram's harsh grasp, stopping Subaru from breaking something from clumsiness.

Rem's passing brush, a desire to be closer with him.

Emilia’s lap pillow after a particularly long day.

Beatrice’s warmth that he seemed to find that he would seem to find in the midst of a nightmare.

“Disgusting.”

Subaru suddenly let go of Cancri flinching back as though he had been struck by them. That was a selfish feeling. An unbearably selfish feeling. That was their moment. He had time for everyone, he'd tainted this moment stupidly. Idiot. Idiot.

"Cancri is disgusting?" Cancri transmitted sadly.

"NO, I-" Subaru started before realizing the emotion faded immediately. Cancri had tricked him.

"Subaru? What's wrong?" Cancri asked, replacing their sadness with concern.

"I... I just needed to breathe," Subaru managed.

"I'm not stupid, Subaru."

"I'm sorry." Subaru apologized, self-hatred filling him again.

Cancri stopped communicating and pulsated gently, clearly thinking. "What do you want from the contract?"

"I want you to help me and my friends." Subaru told Cancri gently, smiling slightly.

"Isn't that what's been happening?" Cancri asked.

Subaru paused. "I guess so, huh?"

Maybe it was because Cancri and Subaru were both fairly selfless people and were also easy to please but the contract both of them proposed were kind of... fundamental parts of a contract if the spirit and contractor could help it and things that they'd effectively been doing since they've been together.

"I want Subaru to tell me what's bothering him. That's what Cancri wants." Cancri told him.

Subaru flinched slightly. "I... don't think it's worth it."

"Subaru wants to hurt himself for what he thinks is for my sake. I hate it."

That stung, Cancri had never told Subaru that they hated any part of him. Though sometimes Subaru felt paranoid that they might. 

"I want to hear what's bothering Subaru, otherwise Cancri will spend time worrying about him."

"I was told to let people worry about me." Subaru said half-jokingly before the space in front of his forehead contracted and expanded. Cancri had effectively smacked him with the space itself. "Bad joke, sorry."

"Spill." Cancri commanded, leaving no room for argument.

"...I just thought of my other friends when I hugged you. It just felt nostalgic."

"Ok, what's the problem?"

"It was just... our moment, our time together. And I ruined it with a selfish thought."

"????" Cancri emanated feelings of complete confusion. "Did you not want to remember your friends?"

"No, I do. It's just... not the right time for that."

"Why?" Cancri asked, seemingly starting to grow annoyed. "The moment happened. I was there, you were there. I was hugged, loved and safe. And you gave that to Cancri. You had a happy memory and you still had me in your hands. Why is that bad?"

"If I'm with you, it's only right that I should be focusing on you."

Now genuinely annoyed, Cancri began to scold Subaru. "But you did. It's not your fault for having a happy memory. You still had Cancri, I still had you. You only stopped focusing on me when you started to hate yourself for it."

"Ah..." Cancri was right, he was indulging in his self-hatred instead of Cancri or even his memories. It was simply slothful.

"Add that to the contract. Subaru must tell Cancri what is bothering him when he is in distress."

"But-"

"Subaru must make an active effort not to hate himself."

Subaru tried to protest.

"Cancri will do their best to protect Subaru and his friends."

"And will prioritize their own safety over Subaru."

"Overruled." Cancri countered.

"What?" Subaru asked, stunned.

"Unless Subaru prioritizes his own safety above Cancri's"

"But that's not-"

"This is for me, not for you. That's what you want, right? For the moment to be about me?"

"...I'm sorry."

Cancri seemed to calm down. "...Let's start over. We'll do this together,"

Subaru and Cancri's contract conditions

• Subaru must tell Cancri why he is in distress should he be emotionally compromised. 
• Subaru must make an active attempt to not indulge in self-hatred unless he and Cancri can agree that he was in the wrong.
• Subaru can only indulge in self-hatred for 5 minutes at a time to clear his mind.
• Subaru must translate for Cancri if they want to speak to someone.
• Cancri must protect Subaru and his allies to the best of its abilities.
• Cancri must trust Subaru.
• If necessary to save or protect a life, conditions of the contract can be ignored. 
• Conditions of the contract can be removed by mutual consent.
• Conditions for the contract can be added with mutual consent. 

Subaru and Cancri couldn't think of any other conditions in the contract that they wanted in the moment to add so they would have to add that last part for good measure. At the moment, Subaru needed to eat and drink, albeit slowly as not to throw up. After some time, Subaru got up to go wash up but as soon as he was in front of the window...

"Agh!" Subaru grunted as a blast of hot wind broke the window in his room, causing the entire thing to come flying towards him. The glass would have shattered on him if not for Cancri deflecting it by shifting the space around him. Subaru suddenly felt a glare on him from outside⁽¹⁾. And he sighed. "Already?"

(1) Subaru can only sense hostile or unfamiliar glares, just in case that wasn't obvious by now.

(2) Julius re-contracted with his spirit during Subaru's imprisonment, allowing them to become full spirits. Subaru is naturally aware of this change.

(3) Closest term that Subaru correlated with what Cancri meant.

Chapter Text

Jedret Delta didn't truly belong to the Witch Cult. She was entitled to the benefits of the Witch Cult. She was granted a book, the gospel, that told of the future and gave instructions which aligned with her goals perfectly as well as knowledge of the future. She had the privilege of moving throughout the capital without much need to fear for her life, which was especially impressive as a knight and therefore noble that the people had turned on. And of course she had contact with the Witch Cultists.

She also was free of some of, if not most of, the downsides of the Cult. She was not hopelessly obsessed with the Witch of Envy or any of the Witch Cult members. She was not required to abandon her position as one of the kingdom’s knights, hence she could act as a double agent. She did not follow with hopeless enthusiasm when it came to obeying the Gospel's orders, which had kept her from dying many times over. And perhaps most importantly, she was not required to kill innocents. 

The Gospel only aligned to her own goals, not the cult's. Because in the same breath that she betrayed the ‘Knight’s Order’, she also chose to protect it. It was nothing but insanity to solely remain with her original duty as a knight of the kingdom, she needed to do more. The knights had failed, the Royal Candidates had failed and the Council of Wise Men had failed; even if they were all still trying their best it wasn’t enough. Hence, the only option left was to join the Cult that practically owned Lugunica. 

She hated the Witch Cult for what it did, has done and will continue to do to the world. But she hated every other faction even more for being powerless. Powerlessness was the ultimate sin in her eyes and the Witch Cult was the only way she could grasp power. 

So first she would gain power. Information, Strength, Authority, Control. And only then would she be able to save even a fraction of Lugunica from itself. This was the only path that Jedret was able to see. And she would remain on this path until she died.

Edge of the Witchbeast-Infested Forest

Alright, so her death might be considerably more imminent than she had thought. When she had opened her book one day, she found an instruction. And unlike previous instructions, such as going to a Cult meeting or stopping a riot, this one had no clear indication of how to move forward.

Go to the Witchbeast Infested Forest. At the entrance you will find eight other cultists. Cooperate with them and report back to the Witch Cult.

"So this is how I die." Jedret thought.

She really wanted to deviate from the writ here. And just not tell anyone. But the book specifically mentioned other cultists. If it was revealed that she disobeyed the book, she would be executed. Besides the book had never been wrong before... right?

She'd seen her fair share of cultists throw their life away for nothing due to the damned Gospel and now, if she was unlucky, it was her turn clearly. What possible benefit could the former knight get from walking into the Witchbeast forest unprotected? Even moreso that 50 cultists had recently led an assault on Arlam Village (She refused to use the executed Knight's name even in her mind she already felt guilty enough for how she personally treated him. The invasion had failed before the village had even come into view due to some of the barrier crystals being destroyed. They were saved by a Witchbeast and retreated. Only 3 cultists died due to holding the shattered crystals. 

After that had happened, they had met two Onis that introduced themselves as twins and two of the last surviving Onis as well as former maids of Roswaal L. Mathers, the margrave of Western Territories. Not that the name meant much now since he was facing backlash from sponsoring a royal candidate. Likely why they were 'former' maids. They then announced that the invasion was an insult to their hero and brother. So as punishment, they slaughtered every Witch Cultist there. 

Needless to say, at the realization that the Witch Cult orchestrated the attack, the people's faith in their beliefs had wavered. If Arlam was an enemy of the Witch Cult then that gave them credibility to anyone besides the Witch Cult and its apologists. Jedret was honestly quite happy with the result. 

However, it made their position feel all the more precarious as soon as they stepped into the forest. Especially with the knowledge that the Witch Cult hadn’t been to ones to sabotage the mission so there was clearly foul play. The only solace Jedret was able to find was that this time the book told her to do this rather than this visit being a planned one and only being to the entrance of the forest. Although placing all her faith in a book still felt strange especially with this being a ‘group activity’.

Jedret’s feelings of apprehension would only be eased slightly when one of the cultists, an assassin-type, had given her a fluffy cloak that was similar to the Witch Cultist cloak (which she admittedly had never had to wear). Jedret knew what this cloak was from. It was from a werewolf. If they were skinned alive, then they effectively gave the user the divine protection of Ambushing, giving them near-perfect stealth. The idea of skinning a sapient creature, even a demi-human, felt unbearably cruel. 

Not only that but they also gave her Karnago Powder. The powder would erase any scent it was applied to, making it difficult to be sensed by Witchbeasts. It concerned her though since she was unaware where this powder came from. Would it be possible that the powder was from ground up bone? It should be unlikely but the Witch Cult was unpredictable and cruel.

But regardless, she forced herself to swallow back her vomit and put on the cloak over her Knight’s uniform and applied the powder. Fortunately her hair was already tied in a ponytail and blended in well with the color of the cloak. It would be helpful for the forest if they chose to enter but where would they be going? Her Gospel still told her to ‘cooperate.’ Whatever that meant anyways.

She didn’t really understand what it meant but seeing the cloak and powder, she had to ask. 

“Did the gospel tell you to do this?”

“For the reconnaissance to the Mathers’ Mansion.”

“Ah,” Jedret spoke aloud but inwardly she was swearing her heart out. The Gospel had forsaken her, it had truly forsaken her. She was doomed. The Gospel was always vague but this was malicious. If the Gospel told her to comply, she’d thought that the task would be simple but spying on the residence of the former Emilia camp?

It was no secret that the core members remained there to protect the village, neglecting to mention any other members that were residing in the village at any point of time. Spying on even a former Royal Candidate seemed unwise. Even then it was one thing to spy on any royal candidate but at least the Anastasia and Crusch camp had their main bases near the capital. So it would be difficult for them to act openly against any spies.

But the Emilia Camp? Their base was in the middle of the forest. Both the former and the new. If not for the barrier crystals surrounding the forest, there would be ‘wild animal problem’ to say the least. Out of all of the camps, they have killed the most cultists. The reason that Jedret didn’t trust them is because they usually kept to their own territory. Thanks in no small part to the Cult’s repeated attacks. 

Only a few members would be out at a time and while they were always destructive, with the Anastasia camp they had recently destroyed an entire building with a non-negligible amount of cultists inside, they also weren’t active for many days at a time so it didn’t take much to recruit more cultists and make more space. 

The lesser quality of cultists in terms of obsession would seem to be a weakness. But Jedret had seen first-hand how quickly they died and were replaced once again. It was quite frankly sickening. But unfortunately effective due to the state of the nation. So even they were effectively ineffective.

That however, had no impact when it came to the camp’s combat ability. Aside from Reinhard who was currently out of commission through a method that not even Jedret knew, they were clearly the strongest out of the remaining camps. 

Aside from that Jedret, who was a swordswoman as a former knight, was accompanied by eight cultists. They were each on the level of the kingdom’s knights, bordering on the strength of the royal guards. Not including Jedret, there were two swordsmen, three knife-wielding assassins and two mages. All of them with cloaks that had the divine protection of Ambushing imbued within. There was even a spirit user or a spiritualist, an extreme rarity. They were even contracted to a fire and wind quasi spirit. They might genuinely be of the strength of a Royal Guard.

Yet Jedret’s nerves didn’t calm down in the slightest. Between the Divine Protection of the Soul of Language that’s owned by one of their members (information gathered thanks to the gospel), the strongest mage in the kingdom, the Great Spirit of Yin’s spatial barrier and the demi-humans with enhanced senses, Jedret did not like their chances of going completely undetected even with their precautions.

Although, the effectiveness of the cloaks and powder could not be understated. The path we chose, had already been scouted by one of the assassins so there were almost no Witchbeasts to be seen not only that but it seems that their scent had been covered up by the powder so well that not even the bats that flew overhead noticed them despite what Jedret knew about their sense of smell.

Maybe, just maybe, they would get out of this alive. When they reached their destination, they were just West of the mansion, hidden within the trees, just outside of the Great Spirit's barrier. Or so Jedret was told, she couldn't see it.

Looking at the mansion, it was fairly well-kept. There were barely any signs of damage, if any , despite the Witch Cult's repeated attacks, likely due to magic being used to fix the damage. There were windows but they were closed with curtains drawn, likely as a precaution. Regardless, Jedret did not see a way to see what was happening. 

“Alright you two. You know what to do.” the spiritualist said to his wind and fire spirit. 

The two quasi spirits floated past the barrier, apparently it didn't apply to spirits which made sense since Jedret had never even heard of a spirit knight between Julius and… him, and began absorbing mana from the air before unleashing a wave of hot wind towards the mansion in an incredibly strong and synchronized burst of magic.

Every window on the wall was blown off and shattered in an instant. Immediately, people began to notice. A blue-haired and pink-haired girl peered through a gaping hole in the wall. Jedret suspected those were the two that slaughtered nearly 50 cultists, so she made a mental note to thank them someday (without revealing that she was technically one of them). 

The half-elf known as Emilia also looked out of the ‘window’ as a cat-like spirit peered out. Jedret knew that Emilia was contracted with the Great Spirit of Fire, could that be him? Even if not, seeing as he had a true form, it was likely that he was at least full spirit and therefore likely stronger than the cultist spiritualist even without Emilia.

But there was one more thing. An odd thing… a person? It was hard to make them out.⁽¹⁾ It was as if they were flickering in and out of existence. The person sighed and then… made direct eye contact with her. That was the moment that Jedret recognized him and there was a flash of recognition and fear that crossed his face and he frowned. He recognized her. How? Aside from her eyes, she was entirely covered and he couldn’t see her eyes from there. They were dark brown, they didn't stand out.

“...Natsuki Subaru,” One of the swordsmen said.

“How does he see us? No one else sees us. Do they?” The other asked frantically.

“He sensed our gazes,” An assassin said in disbelief.

Crap. This was bad. THIS WAS SO BAD. It was bad enough that he was back, his existence would cause an uproar in the nation. No wonder he was kept a secret. He was still visibly injured too, were his injuries permanent? How was he here? Was he in hiding for a year? That didn’t make sense but what other possibility was there?

He broke eye contact with Jedret and the cultists discussed what to do, but Jedret’s eyes didn’t leave the window; she was stunned. And then Jedret saw some tiny purple shards fly by the window with a crash before he walked back and placed a foot on the window as if to jump. 

“SPIES WEST OF THE MANSION! I'M FOLLOWING THEM NOW!” Subaru shouted. There was a loud roar of protest from multiple voices within the mansion but Subaru had already jumped, weightlessly flying (or floating?) towards the cultists. 

“Goa!” one of the mages shouts, flames burn at his fingertips before a fireball is launched at the one whose execution started all of this. Jedret wanted to stop him but only did she realize that it would blow her cover but also if Subaru didn’t die here, then knowledge of his return could destroy Lugunica and everyone’s efforts would go to waste. Everyone but the Witch Cult.

But as the fire grew closer to Subaru. The space suddenly warped around him. Subaru went in one direction and the fireball flew wide.

“El Minya!” Subaru held his hand to his chest, forming 40 purple crystal stakes around him. With a thrust of his hand, the crystals flew in front of himself and towards the cultist group.

They all jumped out of the trees that were hiding in. Landing on the ground safely, they heard the crystals shatter above. Looking up, the branches and leaves of the tree turned into beautiful translucent crystals. Which promptly rained down at Jedret as Subaru crashed into and passed them.

“So whatever gets hit by the crystals turns into brittle crystals. I'm lucky it doesn't spread. If we get hit by the original shards, we might simply die on impact.” Jedret noted.

Subaru went flying through the crystals and into another tree. Only stopping there because he managed to catch himself on a branch and managing to absorb most of the impact with his body,and even then it was barely. One of the spirits from the spirit user sent a blade of wind at Subaru. Seeing the wind spirit glow, Subaru knew what was coming and quickly tried to jump but messed up his footing, ending up a fraction of a second too slow and ending up with a nasty and bloody gash at the side of his head above his right ear. One of the assassins split from the group, whether to hide for an attack or run, Jedret never found out. 

“Minya!” Undeterred by the blood dripping down the side of his head, Subaru cast another Minya spell at the retreating assassin, the crystals around him were dodged easily but then… they fell to the ground… And shattered into crystal. Jedret saw a flash of darkness fly away in an instant.

“What was that? A person? Magic? Or just an illusion of the crystals? They do seem to be reflecting light strangely.” Jedret wondered, but then she heard the sound of footsteps from behind. Many, many footsteps. Right, Subaru had called for back-up.

“Retreat!” A swordsman ordered. 

“Right, only he can follow us. And seeing how he’s acting, he will.” Jedret thought in equal parts horror and sureness.

This could only end two ways. Either Subaru died or he managed to kill every cultist here, including her. Those were the only two ways that a war, or the worsening of the war, could be avoided. Regardless, Subaru’s allies were non-factors unless the cloaks were removed. She hadn’t believed in them before but now she was somehow wishing that the cloaks were less effective, her own life notwithstanding.

Within the Witchbeast-Infested Forest

They all delved deeper into the forest as Jedret prayed that Subaru didn’t lose track of them. For a few dreadful moments, she feared that he might have but every few seconds, Subaru would appear in the trees again, readjusting his footing or grabbing a branch to stabilize himself. He just wasn’t not engaging them. He wasn’t quite predicting them, not quite tracking them but just knew where they were going. But then, for a full minute, he just stopped appearing.

“Hold it!” Jedret ordered, as the remaining cultists stopped. “He’s gone.”

“So?!” One of the mages asked. Despite the cloak that covered their face, smiling sadistically. “That’s good. We got what we wanted, let’s report back.”

Jedret tried to grasp for words but none came to mind. Those were her instructions, she had no excuses to avoid continuing. But if they did, then the kingdom was doomed. Jedret’s sword shifted in her hand. Could she risk it? She could kill two or three of them by surprise but after that… But was it her only option? If Subaru lost track of them, he wouldn’t find them again. So she steeled her res-

“Minya!” Subaru shouted again, once he had brought his hand to his chest.

Jedret stifled a sigh of relief before her face twisted in confusion. The voice came from ahead of them? If he kept track of them then yeah, he could get ahead of them but how would he manage that without knowing where they were looking? And why go ahead if he couldn’t effectively block them. And if he could block them then why hadn’t he when they began the altercation?

Regardless, crystals appeared at his sides once more and with a thrust of his hand, sent them flying towards the entirety of their formation. 

“Dona!” One of the mages called out, creating a wall of stone in front of the crystals that… crumbled before impact? “What? DONA! DONA!”

The assassins immediately retreated to the back of the formation, unwilling to attempt a retreating maneuver like the assassin before. The swordsmen slashed at the crystals that came near them and dodged with footwork worthy of Kingdom's knights. The spirit user cast a barrier of flames around Jedret, the mage she was talking to and the assassins with their fire spirit. 

When the flames dissipated, Jedret was shocked to see Subaru gone once again and the mage that had gone unprotected, turned to crystal. What had happened to the wall? And what happened to their magic after that? 

“Where did he go?” The final mage ordered.

A swordsman grunted. “Don’t know. He just jumped off into the forest again. I think he's getting tired.” 

“Tired? It’s been less than 5 minutes.” Jedret pointed out.

“Maybe Yin spells cost a lot of mana.” The spiritualist suggested.

“So he’s a Yin magic user. I thought his gate was destroyed. He doesn’t seem to be with the Great Spirit of Yin so what’s going on? Is this why he was gone for a year? But he’s so clumsy…” Jedret thought, remembering how Subaru had tripped and was forced to stop so often when he was following them despite being weightless. It was as if he had only vaguely knew how to balance himself in the trees but he used to be so agile from the stories; even before he became a knight. Even if the stories are exaggerated, he should at least be able to do this.

“Keep an eye out for him anyways.” Jedret suggested, Subaru would be able track them more easily if they did and Subaru didn’t seem to have any intention of attacking from the shadows. He’s been very direct for some reason, was he planning something?

The cultists moved slower but still quickly through the forest. Subaru seemed to stop attacking but then he reappeared in front of them, not even in the trees, just kneeling on the ground with two fistfuls of dirt that he had clearly just collected. Was he playing mind-games? For the first time during the encounter, Jedret noticed a whip that he had holstered on his side. It had been there the entire time, she was certain, but only now did she notice it. The two swordsmen didn’t hesitate to attack him despite that though.

“You’re done!”

“Die once again, Natsuki Subaru.”

Subaru smiled slightly yet bitterly. “Not yet…”

The world was then covered in darkness⁽²⁾. A cloud of smoke extended outward from the sky, blotting out the sun. Jedret heard sword swings through the darkness but didn’t hear the impact beyond the sound of the air rippling but judging by the confused noises, they had lost him.

Jedret looked up at the sky and nodded, understanding what had happened despite her limited knowledge of the rare Yin affinity. Somehow Subaru had casted Shamak in the air to blot out the sun without being near the center of where he cast it, nor speaking the spell into existence. “Clever, I remember hearing that he used this spell against Julius in their duel. It was ineffective so instead of using it to remove senses, he just blew out the lights themselves. I have no idea how he did it but he did it.” 

“Minya.” Subaru said, revealing his location to be above floating them as the crystals’ light shone on him gently in the darkness, masking him in an ominous purple. The gash that he had on the side of head was bleeding even more somehow and was now covering his ear, causing both of them to shine even more than the rest of his body. Wait. Squinting her eyes, Jedret looked closer at him. He had his hands open. 

“Agh!”

“My eyes!”

Subaru had dropped the dirt into the swordsmen’s eyes when they looked up. And then grabbed his whip with his right hand as he thrust his left hand from his chest to the swordsmen. The last mage tried to move towards them to defend but was interrupted by a clumsy crack of the whip. Subaru had swung the whip directly in front of them, giving them pause and preventing them from reaching in time. The swordsmen were already crystal.

Suddenly, two new lights appeared. The fire and wind spirit that the spiritualist was using. They swirled together and a sense of dread filled Jedret’s heart as she realized what was happening. They were casting a spell that Julius, the kingdom’s former ‘Finest of Knights’ had used with his own spirits. Before, they used fire to fuel wind magic to destroy the mansion windows. Now they would fuel fire with the wind magic. 

“Ul Gola.” The spirit user stated stoically. 

And in the tornado of new light, flame and wind combined. Even in the darkness, the aim held true and Subaru’s face lit up one final time…

With a smile?

Suddenly, the tornado of wind and flame dissipated just before it would have reached Subaru, seemingly being blocked(or maybe absorbed?) by a black, no, an extremely dark sphere of light (sphere of dark light?) ⁽³⁾ that appeared in front of him as an even darker sphere of light, if it could be called light, appeared behind that. 

“A spirit?” The spirit user gasped.

Jedret’s eyes widened in realization. “He has a different spirit. That’s how he was tracking us.”

The light was starting to return to the world as the smoke cleared in the wind, dissipating into normal mana. One of the assassins reached into their cloaks as Subaru grasped his whip. Whatever spell he’d cast to make himself weightless didn’t allow him to float endlessly and he hadn’t jumped more than 15 metres high so he floated back to the ground. Just before he could actually reach the floor however, the assassin that reached into their cloak pulled out throwing needles and at the same Subaru swung his whip.

Subaru clearly was not very adept at this weapon, if was once then he wasn’t any longer, despite that his clumsy swing intercepted two of the four needles, causing them to veer off-target. The last two hit him. Twisting his head and raising his free hand in a calculated but too slow motion, he managed to avoid death but one of the needles pierced through his left hand, embedding itself firmly within it. The other needle pierced THROUGH his left eye socket, just barely not striking his eye. The needle only stopped once it pierced through his cheek bone. In total, there were three sickening cracks; One from the bones in his hand shattering, another from his eye socket bone fracturing and one more for his cheekbone being pierced through.  Now the needle had embedded itself just below his eye and through his cheek. His eyelid was half-closed but prevented from fully closing. The damage rendered the eye itself covered in blood and beyond useless in this fight but at least the damage didn't strike any vital organs.

“Tch!” Subaru scoffed. It was honestly a miracle that he could stop at scoffing. He was pierced through to an extent that most would be out of commission from pain alone but the needles still moved within the hand and his skull, and only partially stopped the bleeding. Unless Subaru couldn’t feel pain, that had to be painful. But he visibly could feel pain seeing as he was breathing with more force than he was before. He was hurt and tired.

Both sides of the head were bleeding now. And Subaru didn’t have time to even hold his eye. On the same side that his new blindspot and pierced hand were at, the assassin that hadn’t thrown the needles was rushing in from behind him. However, Subaru noticed them regardless, their spirit likely warning him. 

“Minya!” Subaru called out, creating crystals between them. That caused the cultist to back off for a moment. Before rushing back in at a different angle.

“Right, he can only send the crystals after throwing his hand in that direction, he can't do that from behind.” Jedret thought, before all of the crystals were sent backwards and struck the cultist anyways. That caused the momentum from the assassin's run to send their crystalized body into Subaru, shattering instantly and sending shards into his exposed wounds. “Or not? What’s happening?”

At the moment that the crystalized cultist crashed into Subaru, he flinched back as though he had been struck by a powerful spell. The needles and magic that he had been struck with had barely caused him to flinch. His pain tolerance was clearly higher than his stamina. Actually, no. This wasn’t about stamina, although his stamina still was poor. 

He was terrified. His breathing changed all of a sudden, he looked paler. He was shaking. His hand was clutching at his heart as if to rip it out; what's more was that he had dropped his whip to do so since his other hand, which still had the needle within, was compromised.  Subaru was undeniably scared. But of what? What set him off? Was it the cultist crashing into him? Why? He was handling everything else just fine.

“Al Goa!” The mage called out, now bleeding from their eye sockets, they had burned their Od itself to cast that spell and make it as powerful as possible, the only thing on their mind to kill that damned Spirit Knight. Flame joined flame joined flame as a giant fireball that would soon threaten to burn the entire vicinity, cultists and all, formed above their head and grew and grew. 

And stopped in an instant as a dome of a dark purple light surrounded the cultist all of a sudden as Subaru's new spirit could be seen just to the outside, its form dark purple and strangely unnatural. Inside the dome, nothing had changed but now the fire was gone, the mana used to create what would have become bullets now unable to form into one coherent attack. The dome disappeared.

“You!” The bleeding cultist extended his hands towards the spirit in a rage, he wouldn’t have been able to touch them anyways but the spirit cast a Minya spell regardless, only creating a single crystal but it was enough for the cultist to crystalize.

Subaru had killed almost every cultist. Jedret, who was formerly ready to attack the cultists herself, could not move from the very moment he began his attack. She had been too amazed and confused by the combat that she didn’t know what to do and could only understand how the fight had progressed in hindsight despite it not being over. 

She was out of her depth. She had only just realized how ultimately pointless her betrayal of the Kingdom was. She was too weak to make a difference, whether as a Knight or Cultist. She was powerless. 

And yet, she couldn’t stop smiling. Now she truly understood why his death had caused such an uproar.

Subaru looked up as the wind and fire quasi-spirit circled each other directly in front of him. Heat emanated from it as the spirits intended to kill him in a single move. The attack would be too close to dodge not that Subaru was in any state to dodge. He could barely move.

“No more tricks,” The spiritualist announced as the final assassin dashed towards him while he was short of breath.

But then… he looked up. Not at the cultists but rather, he looked through them. As if there was something of interest behind them. And his eyes steeled over as his scary eyes felt as though they would burn through the assassin with his gaze alone. Subaru smiled, still bleeding from his eye, hand and head. With all of his wounds, he looked terrifying.

His spirit moved with a quickness that Jedret had only seen in the Royal Guard and those stronger. But… the spirit moved away from Subaru and behind the spirit user… and cast a screen of light. But that spell was only used to stop magic attacks. So what was it blocking?

The final three cultists’ eyes widened as Subaru grasped the fire and wind spirit in his hand. The same hand that still had the needle within it as the other clutched his chest. His blood sizzled and boiled in the fire and wind. The spell was about to be formed and he was literally grabbing it at the source. And he smiled even wider than before.

“How about one more trick?” Subaru said as the spirits began to shake and glow brighter. The spirit user’s eyes widened as he yelled at his spirits to stop.

Jedret ducked, dropping her sword. 

And the spirits exploded. Od and all⁽⁴⁾. Subaru somehow redirected the blast towards the stunned spirit user and the assassin. They were incinerated in an instant. THe only reason that it didn’t destroy the forest was because his spirit stopped the mana from going further. An impressive display of trust.

Jedret was barely spared from the wrath of the spiritual explosion beam. However, the heat and wind still burnt away her cloak, leaving her in a Knight’s uniform that now felt too big for her to fill somehow. Even her sword was blown away.

How ironic. 

Jedret had already realized that she was dead. As soon as her cloak burned off, she would have been found by any of the Emilia camp that managed to find her. It didn’t matter if she killed Subaru or not. Not that she had any intention of doing so. She never even had the opportunity to do so.

Subaru was now looking at his now pierced, burnt, cut and partially cauterized hand. Part of his tracksuit was now burnt off and his arm was also burnt badly and cut up, Whatever spell he used to survive and redirect the explosion was not absolute⁽⁵⁾. Then he looked down at the ‘knight’.

“Hello Jedret.”

Jedret choked on her own breath. “You… you know my name?”

“You have a particular stance. Also, I know how it feels when people forget your name.” Subaru said dryly.

“Agh…” Jedret managed to choke out once again, seeing the double meaning behind his words  

Subaru smiled slightly looking at the Gospel that now lay on the floor behind her once it was caught up in the blast. Somehow, the cloak had protected it from burning up entirely. “So… you’re part of the Witch Cult now.” 

“I don’t know how you can look upon me and smile.” Jedret managed. “Especially as one of your… ‘interrogators.’”

“Eh, you were one of the better ones. At least I wasn't under risk of death with you. Which is actually more than I can say for almost everyone else. Even Reinhard struggled to tell how injured I really was.”

The look of horror when Subaru said things like that was always the same, even if Subaru could currently see properly out of one eye. “That’s horrible.”

“So I’ve been told.”

Jedret slowly picked herself up. “I… would like to apologize but I have no reason to be forgiven. So… please kill me.”

Subaru’s eyebrows furrowed. “You want me to kill you?”

“Well, if I go back now then I’ll be killed by the Witch Cult. If I don’t die here then I’ll just die there. I’m dead regardless,” Jedret took a half-kneel in front of Subaru and bowed her head. “It would be an honor but admittedly more than I deserve to be killed by you.”

“Why me?” Subaru asked, not bothering to refute or even understand her words, “Why not the other Royal Guards? Why not Julius or Ferris? Why me?”

Jedret didn’t look up. “You are the only one that I believe can overturn the Witch Cult and save Lugunica. Everyone else has failed, you were executed. And clearly, you have not been back for long but your return has shown me that you possess the necessary tenacity to face the cult. If you cannot then they certainly can’t and I can do even less.”

Jedret had time to process what had happened in combat and she had finally figured out what had happened. She understood how Subaru won and she could not help but entirely respect it. 

Subaru had set a rhythm from the beginning of the encounter. He always attacked head-on while he left his spirit to track the cultists and weaken their defenses.  The Yin spirit killed the retreating assassin with a Minya spell while Subaru distracted them. It stopped the defense of the mages, allowing them to be killed. The smoke and dirt were used to blind and disorient the two swordsmen. The telegraphed attacks had tricked the assassin that attacked from behind. And he had somehow managed to kill the final assassin and spiritualist with their own spirits

Subaru at the moment was clumsy to the point that he was only able to move effectively when he was on flat ground and using a spell to make himself weightless. He got tired easily. Even now, despite his mana not being drained enough to hurt himself, he was hunched over with his heart being clutched. He wasn’t skilled, the most he could do was swing his whip in a simple attack, not even a particularly accurate attack.

Yet he had outsmarted them. He outsmarted them so thoroughly that, despite being weaker and less skilled than any of his opponents even individually, he was only injured, although badly  and every one of the enemies that attacked him was dead. Yet he had the judgement to spare Jedret, at least for a short time. 

Subaru was perhaps too kind and inept in all things relating to the body but Jedret could tell that the latter was simply due to not being able to move for some time, her training as a knight able to tell her that he wasn’t even partly in top condition.

“I believe your opinion of me is overinflated. But I’ve received quite a few extreme judgements recently so perhaps I’m the only person in the wrong,” Subaru admitted. “However, you are certainly incorrect about one thing. Raise your head.”

As soon as Jedret obeyed, Subaru threw a loop of his whip around her neck and it suddenly tightened, something grabbing the end from behind her, likely his spirit.

“As kni- No… wait.” Subaru paused and thought about his next words before continuing, “As the former knight of the former Royal Selection Candidate, Emilia, I apprehend you on behalf of the kingdom. The camp will personally hold you as a prisoner of the Witch Cult.”⁽⁶⁾

Jedret’s eyes widened all of a sudden, surely not.. Surely this was an illusion and she had failed her mission. She’d already accepted her death. People like her didn’t deserve a second chance, not even in death.

“If you want to repent, do it correctly.” Subaru ordered, and tightened the whip further. 

Jedret would like to think that she thanked him. But she fainted before another memory could form in her mind.

Subaru smiled, looking around at the crystals on the ground. He threw his hands up into the air, careful not to disturb the needles that were now embedded within his body, and shouted as loudly as his lungs would allow. “VICTORRRYYYYYY!”

Fight Won!

Participants: Subaru, Cancri vs. 8 cultists and Jedret.

Loops Taken: 0

Casualties: 8 cultist deaths. Jedret was captured. Subaru’s left eye socket was fractured. Subaru’s cheekbone was pierced. Subaru’s left hand was pierced. Subaru’s scalp was slashed. Subaru’s left arm was burnt and cut.

(1) Subaru is still wearing a Cognitive Disruption tracksuit. It’s still hard to notice him, especially if he’s far away. Hence why no allies found him during the fight even filled the sky with smoke. 

(2) Deltarune Reference.

(3) It’s EMT or now simply, ‘Absolute Negation Magic.’ Cancri has been adjusting the size and shape of the magic for the entire fight to avoid detection. 

(4) I admit, I was tempted to add them to Subaru’s spirits. But no, I said Subaru’s emotions have killed spirits and now here they are. Killing spirits. I have to commit.

(5) It’s EMM or now simply, ‘Absolute Defense Magic.’ Cupping his hand forced the explosion in a specific direction

(6) Subaru is trying to sound like a knight would when apprehending a person (him). Of course he did paraphrase for his own context.

Chapter Text

 The Mansion About 10 Minutes Ago 

Ram woke up in bed, disoriented and she didn’t really know why in the moment but her forehead was throbbing. She sat up and placed a hand on the scar on her forehead where her horn should have been

“Nee-sama!” Rem cried out, standing from her chair.

Ram was a bit surprised to see Rem but she smiled. “Her legs are working again. That’s goo-”

"Subaru has been assaulted in prison…  Sexually."

Ram paused, realizing what had happened, and her eyes glazed over. She tried to stand up, before being firmly held in place by her sister.

Rem frowned. “Apologies Nee-sama, I won’t be letting you move from your mattress with that look in your eyes.” 

Ram grit her teeth and tried to remove Rem’s hand on her shoulder, clearly not in the mood for negotiation. However Rem’s grip tightened further, which actually caused Ram to flinch and close an eye in pain. But she stopped trying to push Rem away so her shoulder was promptly released.

“How?” Ram asked, expression darkening and looking towards the ground. Her emotions were being transmitted quite plainly to Rem. Rage at the ‘knights’ that had hurt Subaru. Hopelessness at not being able to do anything. Guilt because she hadn’t even tried to do something, nor even noticed what was wrong.

Rem would take that pain and direct it at herself, lest she hurt herself trying to fix the issue or shock Subaru by telling her that she knew what had happened to him. “There’s not anything to do.” 

Ram stood up again, but this time “Subaru was assaulted. And through his spell, you felt it too. They raped both of my siblings, and your ‘hero.’ How can you just stand there and cope with that?”

Hearing Ram call Subaru a hero sarcastically made Rem feel an emotion that she never thought that she’d feel towards her. Anger. But she stifled that emotion before she could fully register it. “I can’t. But there’s nothing to be done right now. Especially not in your state”

“YOU CAN’T TURN A BLIND EYE TO THIS!” Ram screamed at her sister, tears forming in her eyes.

“!!!” Rem choked on her breath. The only two times that Rem had seen Ram like this was when their village had been burned down and she was screaming, trying to protect her. The other time was when the Witch Cult had attacked the Capital only a day after his execution.

That anger, being directed at her, shocked Rem into silence. Rem had to hold her breath to keep herself from crying. 

Ram’s expression softened, realizing the fear in her eyes. “I-I’m sorry. I… made a mista-”

In the middle of her apology, Ram’s head suddenly snapped to the window as she sensed an influx of magic. 

“What the-” Ram started but was nearly blown off of her feet if not for Rem catching her.

Hot air suddenly filled the room as the window was blown to the wall at an absurd speed, shattering the glass and sending shards flying.

“Hu- HGH” Rem tried to stop the shards with a Huma spell but was still choked up.

“Pita!” Ram called out, a shield of wind blocked the shards from cutting herself or Rem.

What was happening? Beatrice’s spell was supposed to avoid any outside attacks and never once had a magical attack caught them off-guard. Had their Gospel given them a new way of offense? Looking out of the window, Ram and Rem couldn’t see anything that would have caused such an attack.

“IS EVERYONE OK?!” Emilia shouted from her room.

“Ram and her sister are fine.” Ram replied but then her eyes widened in realization. “SUBARU’S ROOM IS ON THIS SIDE!”

But before anyone could reply, Subaru’s voice called out, louder than any of them had shouted. “SPIES WEST OF THE MANSION! I'M FOLLOWING THEM NOW!”

“NO!” A resounding shout from almost everyone in the mansion was sounded.

Subaru immediately floated off at fairly high speeds towards the trees. As soon as Rem saw that, she took out her morningstar (no one in the mansion knows where she keeps that thing) and threw it in an attempt to grab Subaru with the chain but as soon as it approached, it took a sudden turn, as if it were struck by an invisible…

“Nee-sama?” Rem started, looking at her sister in an act of confused betrayal but in the corner of her eye, she saw a flash of bright orange light pass by Subaru, narrowly missing him. If Rem had caught him, he would have been burnt to a crisp.

Rem breathed a short sigh of relief before remembering what Subaru was doing but at this range Subaru was starting to become difficult to see. He was wearing Cognitive Disruption clothes? No one realized because he was always in one room. She couldn't see the spies that Subaru mentioned either but they had to have thrown the fireball. Rem moved to the window to jump out but-

BOOM!

The fireball blew up inside the mansion, resulting in a shockwave extending outwards and causing Rem to lose her footing.

“Ah.” Rem stated stoically, beginning a dangerous head-first descent from the third floor. 

“REM!” Ram grasped her by the arm but ended up overestimating his upper body strength and began plummeting through the window with her.

“EEK!” Emilia cried out. She had the same idea as Rem but was stabilized by Puck before she was disrupted by the explosion. 

This did nothing to prevent the demon twins from crashing into her on the way down, resulting in a tangled mass of limbs getting sent downwards. Just before they hit the ground, Rem cushioned their fall with Pita when they neared the ground and it was only out of desperation and adrenaline that the three girls managed to untangle themselves so quickly.

“What were you-?” Puck started but the twins weren’t there to hear him.

Rem and Ram were off towards the forest immediately, seeing the crystallized tree branches that Subaru had created with his first attack. He’d already disappeared from view but they refused to let him get any further away without them. 

“Where is he!?” Beatrice asked desperately from Subaru’s room. As Emilia looked upwards, Beatrice was in a poor state, even ignoring her emotional state and lack of self-care for the past year. This was mostly because-

“BEAKO! YOUR HAIR!” Emilia cried out.

Beatrice had been in range of the fireball’s explosion. She likely hadn’t been hit directly but now burns adorned her tiny body and her hair and dress was smoldering. She will be able to fix her injuries but that would take time and mana. And while she had mana, she didn’t have time.

Patting out the flames frantically, Beatrice asked again. “WHERE IS SUBARU!?”

“We don’t know, he’s wearing a Cognitive Distortion suit, we can’t see him from this range.” Puck explained.

“The ‘Spies’ seem to be invisible as well.” Emilia noted

“That’s so irritating, I suppose.” Beatrice muttered and opened a portal to somewhere within the forest before stepping through it.

There was a flash of movement as Roswaal flew out of the first Western room he could find. He’d already heard what Puck had said and formulated part of a plan

Landing in front of Ram and Rem he motioned for them to pause. “You’re coming with me, Ram you can use Clarivoyance and share your sense with Re-”

Roswaal’s tone didn’t leave any room for argument but he didn't even get to finish his sentence. Rem and Ram had already grabbed either side of his waist and were ordering him to fly. And he complied, flying over the forest as Ram and Rem used Clairvoyance and Synesthesia to scan the forest as efficiently as she could.

Petra and Frederica were out of the mansion next. Petra was riding Frederica’s leopard form, casting a Yang strengthening spell and holding extra clothes for Frederica at the same time. Meili followed soon after, riding one of the Wolgarms that she kept in the basement as the other ran ahead.

Sylphy called out to Emilia from the front of the mansion. “Clind is already in the forest. GO! I’ll call Otto and Garfiel! I’ll call if Subaru returns.”

Emilia nodded and started running towards the forest with Puck. “I’ll call the spirits, you-.”

“Split up?” 

Emilia nodded once again, letting Puck fly off into the forest as she called the spirits of the forest while she ran. 

Emilia muttered to herself over and over. “We can’t let it happen again. We can’t let it happen again. We can’t let it happen again. We can’t let it happen again. We can’t let it happen again. We can’t let it happen again. We can’t let it happen again. We can’t let it happen again. We can’t let it happen again. We can’t let it happen again. We can’t let it happen again. We can’t let it happen again. We can’t let it happen again. We can’t let it happen again. We can’t let it happen again. We can’t let it happen again. We can’t let it happen again. We can’t let it happen again. Not again” 

"Please be safe, Subaru. Please.” Emilia cried, holding her glintstone in her fist as she ran.

Natsuki Village

Otto and Garfiel were using their magic and divine protection to line the wall in the village with Earth Lagmites. In theory, it should strengthen the wall, make repairs easier and make Earth M Hopefully the extra defense in the wall would prove to be worthwhile.

Then, when they were almost done, Otto’s conversation mirror buzzed. Picking it up, hoping to see Subaru but half-expecting to see Roswaal, he opened the mirror and saw… “A burning room? No wait, that's SUBARU’S ROOM!”

“We have more pressing issues at the moment,” Sylphy muttered, struggling slightly to throw a bucket of water on part of the flame. “

Otto paused for a second, before his eyes widened.  “Sylphy… Where’s Subaru?”

“In the forest, we need you to-”

“Boss IS WHERE?!” Garfiel shouted, his keen hearing allowing him to listen in on the conversation and now running over to Otto.

“GARFIEL GO FIND HIM!!” Otto ordered before turning back to Sylphy as Otto vaulted over the wall and ran off, breaking part of the wall with simply the impact of his movements “What do YOU MEAN?”

“Our windows got blown off of the western side. He mentioned 8 spies,” Sylphy muttered off-screen as she refilled her water, “I don’t think we can track them.”

“How can we not track them? What happened to Beatrice's barrier?” Otto asked rapid-fire as he also vaulted over the village wall. 

“I don’t know. I really don't, I'm sorry.” Sylphy sounded like she was about to cry from powerlessness as she managed to stomp out the last flame in Subaru’s room.

“Agh!” Otto groaned. “Is there ANY chance that Subaru saw wrong? Any chance that the spies AREN’T invisible and Subaru is just in the forest without imminent danger? Any chance a rogue spirit destroyed the windows.”

Sylphy’s eyebrows furrowed at Otto’s words. “Otto, I realize you are stressed but Subaru did not set his room on fire.”

“I can think wishfully, right?” Otto tried to sound optimistic. "Is Meili there?"

Seeing Sylphy nod, he ordered the Zodda bugs and birds that he could find to look for Subaru and report back once they found any sign of him. Provided that the Witch Beasts in the forest were even somewhat under control and didn't disturb, confuse or kill the insects and birds, Otto could effectively extend his information network to the forest. Otto almost reached the edge but suddenly stopped moving, coming to a sliding stop. 

“Otto?” Sylphy asked, finally picking up the metia once more.

Otto angled the mirror upwards and Sylphy gasped at what she saw above the forest. A cloud of black smoke.

“He made a shadow beacon,” Otto muttered, running towards the forest while trying to dodge any hidden pitfalls on the way there. “Subaru you genius moron. You better be alive.”

Middle Of Forest

“VICTORRRYYYYYY!” Subaru shouted as loudly as he could, even if he was reduced to a coughing fit almost instantly. Even though he had to take a knee once he was finished he felt that it w

Subaru gripped Cancri's form with his good hand, stopping their movements. "Hey, hey. Calm down. It was worth it.

"Subaru!" Cancri cried out seeing his injured form. Cancri flits around Subaru's body, spiraling in a panic. be fine. The injuries aren't fatal, believe me I'd know. We won."

"You certainly won the fight. Whether it can be called a victory is questionable at best." Puck pointed out telepathically from above him.

"Triple Telepathy. Disorienting." Cancri complained, form flickering. Usually Cancri only communicated to Subaru through emotions and he would as well. They'd learned to understand each other fairly quickly. But sensing Puck speak to them with Subaru felt so much more complicated. It was like adding a new layer of difficulty especially since Cancri still couldn't actually understand words and had to work from the ground up to understand Puck's speaking method.

"Best get used to this now, I'm 80% certain that your contractor is planning to recreate his contract with Beatrice. You're going to learn to communicate with her eventually." Puck warned.

"Got it, I'll do my best." Cancri confirmed, still seeming a bit groggy.

"We can practice later. Go rest in your anchor, Cancri."

"Thank you, Subaru. I love you." Cancri told him.

"Love you too." Subaru told 

"It's strangely coherent for a quasi-spirit. Impressive." Puck noted.

"The best of the best" Subaru said proudly before his mood soured slightly. "Don't know how I feel about being so predictable in your eyes though."

Puck scoffed. "Well, if you were actually predictable then no one in the camp would have let you get this far."

"It was necessary." Subaru argued adamantly.

Subaru could feel Puck roll his eyes despite not looking at him. "Well, I'm not the one you'll need to convince." 

"....Oh."

Puck flew off into the forest, clearly going to Emilia whom he had almost certainly notified of Subaru's location by now. 

"Subaru!" Emilia cried out from the forest.

Once Subaru had come into her view, Emilia slid to a stop. Literally. In her panic, every step she had taken ended with the earth under her foot to be frozen over. With the force she had taken with each step, she'd broken the ice before she even had the chance to slip. Until she stopped. Subaru sidestepped her just in time to avoid contact and she crushed the ground under her foot to come to a stop.

"Sorry. I nearly-" Emilia started as she turned towards Subaru again. And she stopped moving, a look of horror adorning her face as she looked at Subaru, the still-present bags under her eyes became more pronounced as her face paled. She'd even stopped breathing. Her face suddenly became completely white as her arms seized up before they could cover her mouth.  

"Emilia?" Subaru asked, suddenly remembering that Puck said that he wasn't the one he needed to convince that leaving the mansion and engaging in battle to the point that he looked like this was actually necessary.

"Puck. How bad do I look right now?" Subaru asked, trying to get information as quickly as possible⁽²⁾.

"...Aside from the scars bruises, burns, thinned body, white hair, your body's reduced healing abilities and its continuous attempt to destroy itself that you had before the fight?⁽¹⁾"

Subaru took a moment to process what Puck had said. A grimace appeared on his face. "...Yes."

"Starting with the needle in your head. Your left eye is peeking too far out of your skull because the needle is displacing it even if it's most covered by your eyelid. The part bone below the eye socket is broken and is threatening to break skin, your eye socket is dripping blood. Your cheekbone actually is peeking out of your skin and is also bleeding."

"Ok, that sounds about right."

"Your left arm is cut and burnt to the muscle. And the needle that’s piercing your hand..."

"Yeah, I can't move anything except my thumb, and only with a lot of pain and difficulty.” Subaru said, pressing against the needle with his thumb idly, causing the cauterized wound to reopen slightly.

"Actually, Natsuki Subaru. WOULD YOU STOP MOVING YOUR ARM!?" Puck shouted aloud, his calm facade finally shattering.

"Sorry." Subaru muttered, putting his arm to his side.

"Subaru!" An angry voice burst out from the space in front of Emilia as a portal appeared. Beatrice stepped out, absolutely fuming. Subaru could have sworn that he saw smoke coming out of her ears. Actually, her hair was still tangled and clothes were still dirty and stained like yesterday but now... 

"Beatrice you're burned!" Subaru started but suddenly stood up from his half-kneeling position and stepped back as Beatrice ran up to him and nearly touched him, hitting his head on a branch overheard and shifting the fragmented crystals within his head. He should have been able to react when she moved closer but he misjudged how far away they were. With his eyes bloody and bulging out of his head, his depth perception was fucked.

"Who cares if I'm burned, I suppose!? You're hurt! You- You-" Beatrice choked out, trying to find the right words but finding herself incapable of elaborating. She couldn't even heal him, both getting close and healing would result in an involuntary but dangerous reaction.

"I-I to the mansion, I suppose!" She needed to get him out here, it was the only thing she could think to do. If nothing else, she could slow the bleeding. She opened a- she opened... Nothing was happening. "Why isn't it working, I suppose?"

She was too stressed to be able to visualize the portal to the correct position, portal magic was complicated with her mental state. But why? She was a Great Spirit, she's been in stressful situations before, why now? Why can't she get this right? She gripped her drill twin tails but suddenly gripped the sides of her head. Her tiny fingers digging into her scalp involuntarily. 

"What's happening, what is this? This- This disgusting feeling in Betty's skull-" Betty groaned, digging her fingers into her head.

 Subaru's eyes widened. Without realizing it, Beatrice must have looked at his head through the crystals, causing the itching effect. He wasn't sure if Emilia was affected but he picked the the crystals out of his head before they could be seen more clearly. Puck's eyes narrowed as Subaru's wounds opened further but Subaru paid no attention to the glare and knelt down in front of Beatrice.

"Hey! Hey. Focus on me, Focus on your breath, Focus on your spell.  It's fine, you're fine. It will go away, I promise," Subaru told her, her only response was to lighten the grip on her head and close her eyes.

"Good Enough." Subaru thought before seeing movement at his left side, reaching to his damaged arm .

"Subaru-ku-" Rem was cut off as Subaru's left hand lashed out, cutting her own with the needle embedded within. 

"STOP THAT! DON'T... Rem." Subaru lashed out instinctively and in fear before realizing who was there.

Rem held her hand and backed off as Roswaal and Ram landed behind her. She couldn't bear to see Subaru in such a state without acting so she had made a foolish attempt to heal his arm before he could react, at to stop the bleeding. But despite Subaru being practically blind in his left eye, he still saw her. And had a poor reaction indeed. Rem's hand being cut was the least of her worries as a sickening crunch sounded out from Subaru's hand, as the needle fell out of his hand, more bones shattered and all of his fingers went numb.

"Crap." Subaru mumbled as he grabbed his hand which was now dripping his blood with hi relatively good hand. The opening on both end of his hands crystalized as if struck by the arrows of stopped time, stopping the bleeding but causing a strange feeling in his hands. It was... strangely reminiscent of Return By Death in the strange feeling of... a painful inexistence. As though he was at risk of being erased but also unable to do something about it.

It was painful and hearing Meili and Frederica, who had just appeared, gasp at his partially crystalized hand made him consider shattering the crystal. But that would cause Ram and Petra who were giving him a death glare, to kill him. Could this get any worse?

"Boss!/Subaru-san!"

.

.

.

Mansion, Subaru's Room

It was safe to say that in Subaru's injuries, no one was particularly happy with him. And it made for a poor reunion with Otto and Garfiel Although due to his state, he was safe from having to explain himself to the group when it came to chasing down and attacking eight cultists. Small victories. Beatrice had taken Subaru back to his room through one of Beatrice's portal, just as Sylphy had finished making up the bed after it was set on fire. Sadly, it would soon be stained with blood soon

Needless to say, Sylphy was also horrified at Subaru's state. And went to collect medical supplies for Subaru as Beatrice was left to keep an eye on him. Subaru had specifically requested that he wasn't mana drained and heal just yet since he wanted to speak to Jedret, whom he had refused to fully elaborate on. He had gone as far as to feign ignorance on what had happened and who she was. Lying that they hadn't met before. While no one, aside from one person, could actually recognize his lie, he was opposed on this for his own safety and some even refused to bring her back to the mansion, instead wanting to either interrogate her there or at least not letting Subaru talk to her first.

But in his word: "Oh, sorry. I phrased that wrong." Subaru apologized, before smiling kindly (which caused the bone sticking out of his mouth to twitch) and opening his injured eye, (letting even more blood run down his face and to the floor). "I wasn't actually asking you if we could bring her back. I'm just saying that I need to do this."

With the look in his eyes, no one denied him anything further than that. Well, they didn't approve of anything either but Subaru took their silence as a yes. 

"You might not have to explain to everyone, but you will have to explain to me, I suppose," Beatrice told Subaru as he took out two crystals from his pockets, the action temporarily disrupting Beatrice's train of thought. "What are those crystals, I suppose?"

"This one." Subaru told her, holding up  a crystal that looked like a sphere, a marble. "Is Cancri's anchor. Turned out if I focused hard enough, I could change the anchor's material from stone to a more durable Minya crystal. No more brick anchor. And best of all,"

Subaru tossed the marble to the floor, it bounced right back into his hand.

"It absorbs impact pretty well since it's a sphere." 

Beatrice frowned seeing Subaru play with his contracted spirit's anchor as though it were a toy as she pulled on one of her burnt twin tails to keep her hand from scratching at her head. "That felt risky, I suppose."

"Not really, I'm pretty sure any part of the brick can count as Cancri's anchor. Sylphy seems to have cleaned up some of them but I have a bunch in the drawer. Besides, let's say I had some testing time before I was out." 

"How casual, I suppose. Why do you speak of your suffering as if it were simply a throwaway moment," Beatrice ordered.

"It deserves to be a throwaway," Subaru said grimly, .

"Betty... can't disagree with that. She asked you to take better care of yourself after all. What's the other crystal, I suppose?"

"Witch Cultist." 

"...."

Seeing Beatrice not react to his joke Subaru smiled slightly, "No takers? I worked hard to get this, aren't you proud of me?"

The cold and ghastly aura re-emerged as Beatrice's hand clenched near to her head. "You survived, that's only positive of the interaction, in fact. So I refuse to give in to your feeble attempts to diffuse my anger, in fact."

Subaru sighed. "I suppose that was your original question? Why I went after them?"

Beatrice crossed her arms, the faintest of smiles on her face. "You still do know me well."

"I pride myself on it. Regardless, I had to. Since no one else seemed to follow them. And we can't let word of me get out, right?"

"That explains why you followed but you were much more suited to draw us near rather than engage them yourself, in fact. No matter the initial reason, confronting directly them was a foolish decision in fact." 

Forest/Mansion (Two places, one conversation)

"He wanted to do it himself, I guess." Puck answered, Otto and Ram's question as they stood far enough in the back to speak without being heard, everyone choosing to give them enough space.

Using the Divine Protection of the Soul of Language and Synesthesia, Otto and Ram had realized that Puck had been on the scene before Subaru had finished the fight. However, he had summoned multiple ice spears to skewer the cultists beforehand he had just... dissipated them. Subaru clearly Jedret alive but that shouldn't have stopped Puck from defeating the last two cultists.

"What does that mean?" Otto asked.

"I actually asked Puck to stand down when he showed up. Burnt my hand up for it but it was worth it I think." Subaru said, sitting on his bed and trying to fashion another marble crystal as a backup anchor for Cancri.

"How could that be worth it, I suppose!?" Beatrice asked, seeing seeing Subaru act so casually despite his ludicrous claim.

"Honestly, I'm not quite sure." Subaru said

"Maybe that's why I'm telling you, I want to hear your thoughts on it." Puck suggested.

"You think-" Ram started.

"Whether I could have hidden it or not is irrelevant." Subaru countered, not even letting Beatrice finish her sentence.

"Fine, explain it to us." Otto sighed. "We can withhold judgement for later."

"As far as I can tell, Subaru... actually enjoyed the encounter, strange as that sounds. At very least, he was satisfied with the ending." Puck continued

"It's been hard to get a read on my feelings recently but yeah. I just felt compelled to shout it out as loud as I could."

"You were quite loud, I suppose. I doubt that you would have shouted out so loudly if you were in your right mind, I suppose."

"That's... harsh but fair." Otto noted.

"Regardless, you need to take better care of yourself, Subaru." Sylphy said, bringing some first aid supplies into the room.

"I don't believe that's anything new. Not for Touto-su." Ram shrugged.

"Again, harsh," Subaru grumbled, wrapping the bandage around his crystallized hand. "But seriously it felt... good."

“I think you might just be feeling more in control now. I understand the feeling.” Sylphy said, motioning for Subaru to let her apply some wound disinfectant via ointment drops.

“I felt similarly when I finally burned Roswaal’s book. As short-lived as the moment was.” Ram sighed.

“We’ll find a way to kill Regulus again, don’t worry.” Subaru said, forgetting to wince slightly at the drops of ointment. It took him a bit to transition from not reacting to painful stimuli to even flinching slightly. The pain didn’t get any better but he had to mentally choose his response to things, making reacting ‘normally’ more difficult.

“Your pain tolerance is terrifying, I suppose.” Beatrice grunted.

"Getting stabbed so badly isn't something that Subaru-san should be so calm about." Otto sighed

"I don't think he can help it. I think it comes with the territory." Puck highlighted. 

Ram/Sylphy paused for a few seconds at that statement, causing the others to look at them.

"Is everything alright, Ram-san?" Otto asked

"I... I'm alright. Just thinking that you might be right." Sylphy/Ram muttered.

"She knows exactly what happened. Of course she knows, she was hit with my misfire, I already figured that out./She knows more than she's letting on. What could have happened to make Ram so apprehensive?"

"He has to be more careful regardless," Ram grimaced further. "Although, this situation does fall on us for even letting him be seen in the first place, let alone attacked."

"I'll have to adjust the barrier, I suppose." Beatrice mumbled.

"Though. Subaru clearly didn't act while knowing what would have happened, otherwise he would have avoided being seen entirely." Everyone, besides Subaru, thought. "What could be the condition  or cost for returning be that Subaru wouldn't use it when things went so badly?

(1): Subaru really did have that sprung on him. He was entirely unaware of his body trying to kill itself before that moment. He hadn't even learned that in prison, he was just in pain.

(2) Telepathy and Emotional Transfer are fast, no need for elaboration.

Chapter Text

Last Chapter has been updated slightly, I'm back. This chapter will be deleted when the next comes.