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It was an average day in Smiling valley, and Simon Smokes was in stardew park, chilling by the shore of the sparkling Ruby river.
He was taking in nature, breathing in the fresh air and relaxing.
Unfortunately, his relaxation was interrupted by someone smacking him upside the head.
He yelps, almost falling over.
“Hey, what gives!?”
He says, looking to who had just hit him.
Surprisingly, it was his unicorn sweetheart, and she looked more angry than your mom when she found that cut off bit of popsicle wrapper on the floor.
“WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL ME YOU WERE DATING ANNA?!”
She yells.
Simon was confused, his eyes wide.
“...I didn’t…?”
He says.
Crafty stamps her hoof. “NO!”
She says. “I just found out from Dogday!”
Simon looks down.
“Huh… I was sure I told you.”
He says.
Crafty tugs on her mane.
“Dangit Simon!”
She says. “When Anna finds out you’re also with me she’s gonna make me into flayed unicorn!"
Simon gently approaches.
“Hey, sweetie, it’s okay!”
He says, trying to calm her down. “Ann doesn’t mind me and you being together.”
Crafty whimpers. “But what if she gets mad?”
She says. “If I was her, I'd wanna kill me…”
Simon smiles softly.
“She’s not, I promise.” He says. “I have you on my free pass list.”
Crafty tilts her head. “Free pass list…?”
Simon nods.
“Yeah, we’ve discussed it.”
He says. “It’s basically a list of people other than her that she’s comfortable with me dating.”
Crafty sighs a bit, leaning on his shoulder. “I… I guess that makes sense.”
She says. “Who else is on your list…?”
Simon thinks.
“Just you, Dogday and Kickin.”
He says. “And sometimes Alli.”
Crafty nods.
“Okay….” She says. “Does she have a list?”
Simon nods.
“Yeah, but the only other guy on it lives in iron land, so I'm BASICALLY the only guy she’s ever loved.”
He says with a smirk.
Crafty rolls her eyes. “Lucky you.”
Simon gently strokes Crafty’s mane.
“So don’t worry, Anna won’t be angry.”
He says.
“I sure hope so…” Crafty whimpers.
“The last time she got super angry, she tried to axe Babs head off…”
Simon looks to the side.
“I mean, to be fair, Babs did stab Dogday.”
He says.
Crafty stares silently into space for a few moments.
“...She did WHAT?!”
~wood trees transition~
Baba chops was hanging out near her house, listening to some heavy metal on her skull-shaped headphones.
But then she was interrupted by someone smacking her upside the head, knocking them off.
“What the-!?”
She leans down to pick them up, then looks up to see it was Crafty.
“Crafty?”
Babs says, confused. “Why did you-”
“WHY DID YOU STAB DOGDAY?!”
The angry unicorn yells, interrupting her.
Babs froze, dropping them again.
“H-how’d you find out about that…?”
Crafty growls.
“Simon told me.” She says.
Babs looks down.
“Dangit, I knew I shouldn’t have told Rabie…”
She mutters.
Crafty snorts angrily. “Don’t change the subject!”
She says. “Why did you hurt him!? He’s been nothing but nice to you!”
Babs just stares at her for a minute or so, trying to come up with a convincing excuse.
“Well, see, he was annoying me nonstop for like straight days.” She says. “Like at this point I think it would qualify as harassment.”
Crafty facepalms. “That’s no reason to STAB him!”
She says.
Babs humphs. “Well hopefully he’ll leave me alone now.”
She says, turning away.
“I didn’t even get his pendant…”
She mutters under her breath.
Crafty grabs her shoulder, making her face her again.
“What did you just say…?”
Babs tries to come up with another excuse, but her mind is dry.
“I… uh…”
Crafty looks at her with a steely gaze.
“Babs, tell me the truth.”
She says.
“Why did you stab Dogday?”
Babs looks nervous, then sighs, looking down.
“I didn’t mean to stab him!”
She says. “I was just trying to cut his necklace cord so I could steal his pendant, and he moved too much!”
Crafty looks confused. “Why would you want to steal his pendant?”
“It was for my mistress!”
Babs blurts out.
Crafty’s eyes widened. “M-mistress…?”
She says. “Who do you work for?!”
Babs sighs.
“Okay, Crafty… I'm sorry…”
She says.
“But… I'm evil.”
Crafty looks shocked.
Babs takes a deep breath.
“I… I work for…”
She takes a deep breath.
“Ulrike.”
Crafty felt like her whole body was shattering.
“Poe and I both do…”
The two were silent for a minute or two, Babs looking at her awkwardly.
“W-why…?”
Crafty asks. “And… how long…?”
Babs sighs.
“Well, at first it was because Poe is madly in love with her…”
She rolls her eyes. “Even though they have ZERO chances with her…”
She sighs. “And they dragged me into their little scheme to try to impress her by being her henchmen.”
She scratches her neck.
“And, we’ve been for a few years now…”
Crafty looks at her feet.
Babs looks away.
“Do you understand now…?”
Crafty nods.
“Yeah…” she says.
Babs huffs.
“Good.”
Crafty looks up at her after a few moments of silence.
“I just have one more question.”
Babs looks at her again.
“Hmm?”
When Crafty looked up, there were tears in her eyes.
“Did… you only pretend to fall in love with me…?”
She says sadly. “To get my pendant…?”
Babs eyes go wide.
“What?! No, of course not!”
She says, gently taking Crafty’s hooves.
“I may be wrapped up in an evil plot, but I'm not that villainous… I wouldn’t manipulate your emotions…”
Crafty looks at her sadly.
Babs leans in, gently rubbing noses with her.
“Crafty, I promise you, my feelings for you are real.”
She says with a soft smile. “You’re one of the only people I've ever truly loved…”
She looks down.
“Even if I am a villain… I would never hurt you.”
She says. “You’re too beautiful and sweet to ever deserve that.”
Crafty hugs her.
“Oh Babs!” She says, burying her face in her shoulder. “Thank you…”
Babs jumps, then hugs her back super tightly.
“I still love you…” Crafty says. “Even if you are entangled with that witch…”
Babs gently kisses her cheek. “I’m glad you do, princess...”
She says. “I’m glad you do.”
After a few moments of embracing, Crafty pulls back.
“So, if you wanted to get Dogday’s pendant, why didn’t you just take it while he was asleep?”
She asks.
Babs grunts. “I couldn’t.”
She says. “Your cat friend would have stopped me.”
Crafty giggles. “That makes sense.” She says. “Naps is a surprisingly light sleeper.”
Babs then sighs.
“At first, the boss’s plan was for me to try to get close to Catnap or Dogday, to try and seduce them into giving me their pendants…”
She sighs.
“But with how close those two are to each other, I didn’t really see the point.”
She says. “They’re too deeply committed, they’d never waver.”
She looks down.
“Not to mention the coyote might try to make me into street-style lamb skewers again for messing with her ‘otp’.”
She says, trying to do air quotes. “Whatever that means.”
Crafty giggles a bit nervously.
“Yeah, Anna’s one of my best friends, but she can be a bit insane sometimes.”
Babs nods.
“I wouldn’t even think about trying to steal HER boyfriend.” She says, fluffing her wool.
“I was never interested in Simon anyway, he’s too uptight for me.”
Crafty just smiles and nods, internally laughing at the dramatic irony of the situation.
“Well… I'm just glad we got everything cleared up…”
She says. “I’m still a little mad you stabbed him, but…”
Babs sighs. “Again, I didn't mean to…”
Crafty puts an arm around her shoulder.
“Well, maybe you should apologize.”
Babs shakes her head.
“If I do, he might try to hug me.” she says. “And I HATE hugging anyone I'm not currently dating.”
Crafty giggles. “Okay, good point.”
She says. “How about you send him an apology card instead?”
She smiles softly. “I’ll deliver it to him.”
Babs thinks for a minute.
“Only if I don’t have to see him in person.”
She says. “I don’t want him anywhere near me.”
Crafty nods. “Deal.”
~Stitches transition~
Crafty was walking to Simon’s house after her chat with Babs, feeling a bit better.
When she gets there, she does the whole voice box and drawbridge bit, then walks in, watching as it closes behind her.
“I’m here!”
She calls out.
“We’re in the living room!”
Simon calls back.
Crafty was confused.
‘We?’
She thinks as she walks to the living room.
Indeed, when she gets there, she sees him and the gal of the hour snuggling together.
Simon was sitting on the couch, with one arm draped over the back of it, and the other around Anna’s waist, who was sitting on his lap and leaning her head on his shoulder, with her arms draped around his neck.
She then spots Crafty, smiling and waving.
“Oh hi!” She says happily, sitting up.
Crafty shyly waves back.
Simon glances over.
“Oh, hey princess.”
He says, smirking. “How did things go?”
Crafty shrugs. “Fine…”
She says, going to sit beside him on the couch.
“Babs and I talked about it, and she explained her reasoning.”
Simon smiles. “Good.”
Anna humphs.
“Well she better have some damn good reasoning…”
Crafty then gets nervous.
“So… um…”
She says. “You two are dating?”
They both nod.
Crafty smiles nervously.
“C-cool…”
She looks away.
“I-I'm sorry I got involved…”
Anna smiles softly, scooting off of Simon’s lap to sit by her.
“Hey, it’s okay!”
She says, gently petting Crafty on the shoulder.
“I’m fine with smokey being your guy too.”
Crafty’s eyes light up.
“R-really…?”
Anna nods. “Of course!”
She says.
“With him being the hot hunk of smoking love he is, it doesn’t surprise me at all that lots of girls are falling at his feet to try and get a piece of him.”
Simon blushes and smiles, making an ‘oh stop it you’ motion with his hand.
“Besides, you two are adorable together.”
Anna says, giggling.
Crafty’s eyes sparkle. “R-really…?”
Anna nods.
Crafty smiles softly.
“Thanks…”
She scoots a bit closer.
“So, how long have you two been dating…?”
She asks.
Simon smiles.
“Almost a year now…” he says. “Ann said she wanted to go out with me, and I thought, sure, I could use a royal consort.”
Anna gently nuzzles Simon's cheek.
“I’m not just his consort though.”
Simon smirks, nuzzling back.
“That’s right.” He says. “She is my paramour.”
Crafty smiles softly.
“How sweet.”
She says.
Anna smiles.
“So, now that we’ve got all our emotions worked out, you guys wanna snuggle?”
Simon smiles.
“Yes, always.”
And so the three critters spent the rest of the afternoon snuggling together, Simon relaxing with his two most precious gems in his arms.