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“Garak.”
Apparently Garak was in a poetic mood, because his name out of that voice was like deft fingers reaching out and plucking at his heart strings.
“My dear doctor! What can I do for you?”
“I was wondering if you’d like to have lunch, if you aren’t too busy.” Julian smiled, and it lit up his golden face magnificently. Just as Garak was about to agree Julian added, “Quark said he’d love to sit down with us for a minute and chat.”
Ah, so this was what humans referred to as ‘divine punishment’, then.
He should have killed Quark when he had the chance.
Plastering on a saccharine smile Garak replied, “It would be my pleasure.”
Like he had told Julian before, the best lies are based in truth. Garak was lying in that it would not bring him pleasure to see the ferengi’s smug little face as he pawed disgustingly at his companion. Ah, but he would like to chat.
It had been a week since Julian and Quark had started dating, and in that time Garak had been having suspicious about the nature of their relationship. Now, perhaps it was just his nature to be wary; after all, it was in no way jealousy that urged Garak to investigate his dear friend’s love life.
And of course it wasn’t jealousy that made Garak follow Julian to Quark’s overcrowded bar.
No cardassian would ever have reason to be jealous of a ferengi.
“Quark!” Julian greeted exuberantly as they approached the bar.
“Julian!” Quark returned, smiling in a way that revealed an unnecessary amount of teeth.
Julian leaned down to kiss his forehead. When he pulled away Quark had the audacity to wink.
Garak really should have killed Quark when he had the chance.
“I’m surprised you two wouldn’t rather dine alone, since your relationship is, after all, still so new.”
Julian had the decency to at least look abashed. Quark somehow managed to look smarmier, a feat both repulsive and impressive.
“This way, gentlemen,” the ferengi said, leading them to a table in the back.
Julian sat in the middle; wisely, Quark made sure he was as far away from Garak as possible. At least he had some self perseverance.
“I’m glad you were able to get away for lunch,” Julian said, looking between his companions so it was unclear who he was talking to.
Was he willfully toying with them, or was Julian simply being his usual obtuse self? Either way Quark was still all smiles, eyes focused on his partner.
Before Garak could say a word Julian had stood up, eyes fixed across the bar. “Oh, there’s Dax! Do excuse me for a moment. I need to discuss something very important with her.”
“Of course, Doctor,” Garak replied understandingly.
“Don’t be too long, dear.”
Julian smiled at Quark before catching up with the commander, leaving Garak and Quark alone.
Garak could probably find some way to dispose of the ferengi without anyone tracing it to him. Julian would grieve for a minute, then jump back to his obnoxiously optimistic self.
“So Garak, how’s life?”
“As bright as ever. But enough about me, Quark—things must be much more interesting for you since you started seeing the good doctor.”
“Very interesting,” Quark agreed. “I never considered dating a human before. I think I chose the right one.”
Garak knew how to blend poisons to make them untraceable.
“Dating a doctor would be hard on most people, since he’s constantly busy with patients. I wonder why you would want a…third wheel for your little lunch date,” Garak mused.
“Julian,” and that name sounded like blasphemy coming from that mouth, “insists that I get to know his friends better.”
“Soon you’ll be playing darts with the chief!” A vision of a dark striking Quark in the lobes brought a smile to his face.
“Not that far. But, as the humans would say, a friend of Julian’s is a friend of mine.”
“On Cardassia there’s a different saying. ‘Never trust the friend of a friend.’”
He tried to mask it, but Garak caught a flash of fear in the ferengi’s eyes. Good.
“Sorry to keep you waiting,” Julian apologized, bounding back to the table.
Quark rose. “I need to get back to work. Good talking to you, Garak.”
“Well, I’ll see you after my shift ends.”
Julian kissed Quark as he had before and Garak’s smile was wiped off his face. He quickly replaced it when Julian turned back to him.
Sitting back down he asked, “What sounds good?”
The only thing Garak hungered for was unraveling the mystery behind this “relationship”.
—
Quark was pretty sure that Garak had threatened his life. It was really hard to tell with cardassians sometimes; their threats and flirtation were disturbingly similar. He had an ace up his sleeve protecting him, though: Julian wouldn’t be happy if Garak killed him, and Garak knew that.
And yeah, Quark was also pretty sure that Garak wanted Julian as badly as the human wanted Garak. He actually had a pool going on when they’d get together. If he timed everything just right he’d win.
Think of all those credits! It’d be a nice bonus for a job well done.
A hand on his shoulder broke Quark out of his reverie. He turned around to his brother who as usual wasn’t doing anything useful.
“What is it, Rom?”
“Brother, I just wanted to say, well, how I’ve never seen you as happy as now that you’re with the doctor.”
There was a sudden pang in Quark’s chest. Strange, he’d have to get Julian to look into that.
—
Sometimes Miles wondered if curses were real and one had been placed on him the second he stepped foot on DS9. But that was ridiculous. About as ridiculous as the existence of the wormhole aliens or an alternate universe where everything was topsy turvy.
…He was cursed.
“Cheer up, chief,” Jadzia said, making him realize he had sighed out loud.
“How are you not bothered by this?” Jazzier opened her mouth and Miles quickly added, “Don’t say anything about love.”
“I never stand in the way of companionship.” Her grin was obnoxious.
“Yeah, well Julian can get companionship from plenty of other people.” Miles took a large chug of his drink.
Leaning in Jadzia asked in faux cluelessness, “Are you offering Julian your companionship?” Miles started choking.
“I am married!” Miles protested once he could breath again. He glared at Jadzia; the look’s affect was lessened by the dribble of drink on his chin and the noticeable wet spot decorating his uniform.
Jadzia bit back a laugh, taking pity on the poor man. She also managed to keep it to herself that Keiko would probably love to watch him and Julian’s companionship.
Instead she commented, “I remember you complaining about Julian spending too much time with Garak. Are you saying you prefer him over Quark?”
Jadzia had seen the man look less distressed during life and death situations.
“I’m living a bad dream,” Miles mumbled to himself. He was definitely cursed.
—
Someone cleared their throat and Julian turned around. Nog was standing there, hands fidgeting behind his back.
“Oh, hello, Nog. Is something wrong?”
Looking at anything but the doctor Nog replied, “I just wanted to let you know I’m not calling you uncle unless you two get married.”
First he was taken aback, but soon had to stifle a smile as the boy looked more and more uncomfortable. “I fully understand.”
Nog nodded, seeming like a weight had been lifted from his shoulders. “Great. Oh, and I’m supposed to invite you to dinner. Leeta said you’re not allowed to refuse.”
“Sounds like I don’t have a choice. Tell her that sounds lovely, thank you.”
Nog left, and Julian felt a little guilty. He also made a note to look up all the ins and outs of ferengi interspecies marriage, out of curiosity.
—
“I can’t believe we have to do this,” Quark grumbled, not for the first time. Julian rolled his eyes.
“Well, it is something couples usually do, and we do want to look convincing, after all.”
Quark didn’t look satisfied but he did stop complaining. He fumbled with the buttons on his vest, cursing when he couldn’t get them through the holes. Julian chuckled and did it for him.
“There, you look wonderful. Are you ready?”
“No, but let’s go.”
Arms interlinked they left Quark’s quarters. Halfway to Leeta’s they ran into Kira and Dax.
“Ladies.”
Jadzia looked the couple up and down, not bothering to hide her grin. “Don’t you two look nice. Date night?” Julian nodded. Jadzia’s eyes sparkled. “Have fun you two,” she said with a wink.
“You too, ladies,” Quark returned.
As the pairs passed each other Kira shot him a look that screamed, “I will kill you if you hurt him”. Quark suddenly became very worried about their plan. After all, there was no one holding the major back from killing him; even the straight-laced Odo might turn a blind eye.
When they rounded the corner Jadzia propped her elbow up on Kira. The other woman turned to her.
“I don’t see why you have to encourage them,” she groused.
“Ah, young—”
“Don’t you dare say ‘love’.”
“Companionship.”
—
“I don’t know,” Jake said, plopping down on the couch. “I could think of weirder.”
“Who?” Nog challenged.
Jake thought for a moment before answering, “Garak and major Kira.”
Nog had to give him some credit for that one. “Alright, if they hooked up that would be strange. I think they’d get along, though. Er, races aside. But that’s not plausible, and besides Uncle Quark and the doctor are still a stranger couple.”
“Then you name one.”
Nog opened his mouth, then closed it without a word. He ran through all the combinations he could think of while Jake looked at him smugly. Finally a light went off.
“Uncle Quark and Garak.”
“Yeah, that’d be wild,” Jake conceded.
“And unlikely. Like Doctor Bashir and Uncle.”
With mien of a poet Jake threw his arms open wide and explained, “Listen, Nog, there’s something about Deep Space Nine that just…permeates love in all the strangest places. Look at your dad and Leeta.”
Nog had to give him that.
—
So far the dinner had been pleasant. Julian enjoyed Leeta’s company, especially since she no longer had any post-break-up animosity. She and Rom both seemed thrilled he was with Quark, actually.
Truth be told it made Julian feel guilty. When Quark and he broke up they’d be devastated, he knew it.
And honestly Julian actually was enjoying the time they spent together. Quark wasn’t the most pleasant person most of the time, but underneath his greedy latinum-loving exterior was a soft heart.
It just took a while to get there.
“Here, Leeta,” Julia said, jumping up, “let me help.”
“Such a gentleman.”
Together they took the dishes to the kitchen, leaving the brothers to entertain themselves. Alone, Leeta was quick to corner Julian.
Smiling giddily as a school girl she practically squealed, “You two are so cute together!”
Julian was thankful that his skin was just the right shade to hide a blush.
Before he could reply Leeta continued, “I don’t know how far you’ve gone yet, but word of advice—ferengis look a lot different down there compared to bajorans or humans. Also, not as sensitive.”
“L-Leeta—”
She grabbed his shoulders and looked him straight in the eyes as she advised, “What I’m getting at is, don’t bother using your tongue. Save that for the lobes.”
Julian knew in that moment that a part of him would always love Leeta.
—
It’s hard to decapitate a cardassian. That was a bajoran saying that had started during the occupation. Garak had to give them credit; it was true in both a metaphorical and physical sense.
Garak heard his targets approaching and ducked into the shadows. The pair rounded the corner and he caught the words being exchanged.
“I’m actually not sure if a human could carry a ferengi fetus to birth even if it were possible for it to form. After all we’re so different.”
“From what I’ve seen ferengi births are much easier than you humans,” Quark argued. “So if it was the human carrying it would work.”
“Perhaps. At least there would be a better chance for no complications. But still, that’s if it’s even possible.”
Garak blanched. Why were they discussing pregnancy? The thought of Quark reproducing at all was enough to make Garak sick, but with his doctor involved? Vile.
They entered the doctor’s quarters, and Garak heard no more. Which, he decided, was for the best.
It was time to take drastic measures. To make sure his dear doctor wasn’t being used by the ferengi, of course.
—
“I suppose we’ve lost track of the point,” Julian mused. “Whether a human and ferengi can have a child together doesn’t matter since Leeta’s bajoran.”
Quark, already unbuttoning his vest, made a sound of derision. “I don’t see why Rom wants to have another one. My nephew isn’t a perfect ferengi, but there’s no reason to start fresh with a new one.”
Julian grinned and came up behind Quark. He leaned down so his breath was tickling the back of Quark’s lobes.
“You’re just being protective of your brother Quark. I think that’s quite sweet of you.” He kissed the length of Quark’s ear. “I assure you Leeta loves and respects Rom, and is treating your brother how he deserves. In fact, she’s given me a few pointers.” Julian licked the bottom of Quark’s lobe, causing the ferengi to shiver.
The sensation made it hard to focus on Julian’s words, so Quark didn’t. He let the doctor finish undressing him and lead him into the bedroom.