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Garak was deeply involved in mending a gown for Commander Dax when the human who liked him the least on this abysmal station barged in. O’Brien had a mixture of disgust and worry on his paler than usual face.
“Garak, I need your help. It’s Julian.”
Instantly on alert, he quickly schooled his voice before asking, “What seems to be wrong with the doctor that my expertise are needed?”
The human fumbled with his words for a minute, starting and stopping several times. It irritated Garak, but thankfully O’Brien finally just told him to follow. Garak did, and was curiously led to Quark’s bar.
Was it possible to faint from shock?
In a disgusting display, Julian’s fingers were lightly tickling Quark’s ears. The ferengi was sighing appreciably, laughing at whatever the doctor was whispering to him.
“This has been going on all day!” O’Brian explained, breaking Garak’s concentration on the pair. He forced himself to look at O’Brian. “They’re apparently dating now. Kira already tested Julian—he’s not a changeling. He’s just lost his bloody mind!”
While Garak did agree, he simply said, “What would you have me do, chief? I don’t make it my prerogative to stand in the way of matters of the heart.”
Garak nearly chocked on his own words.
O’Brien meanwhile took a deep breath. “Garak, I know we’ve never liked each other, and the only reason I would ever come to you with a problem like this is because of Julian. He…values your friendship—” Garak admired his ability to make such a nice word sound like a curse, “and I think you’re the only one who can talk sense into him. We’ve all tried. You’re our only hope, Garak.”
Before Garak could reply, his attention was drawn back to the bar. The couple in question were kissing now, Julian’s mouth open for the ferengi’s tongue.
Garak could taste his breakfast again.
—
Never one to stand in the way of love (often she pushed people into it), Jadzia wholeheartedly supported Julian’s new relationship. Who knew? It might do Quark some good to have a sweet young man like Julian influencing him. Not to mention Julian was awful with the ladies, so maybe this change would help.
And truth be told everyone’s reactions had been priceless so far. O’Brien was going to give himself an early heart attack, and she was pretty sure Benjamin’s face was stuck in a permanent scowl.
In fact, the only one who seemed to be accepting of the lovebirds was Morn. Of course, he had never been a judgmental person.
“Ah, young love,” Jadzia sighed, gazing at the couple who were staring into each other’s eyes like they were lost there—and happily so.
Kira blanched and turned sharply on her heels, muttering something about “Odo” and “breaking the law of good taste”.
—
Odo had scoured every document available, but unfortunately the law wasn’t on his side. There was no way to arrest Bashir and Quark for this display.
Or as Kira put it, “abomination”.
Frankly, Odo knew it was a farce. Quark was up to something, like always. Odo couldn’t begin to guess what the criminal had up his sleeves this time, but it had to be something. It was the only plausible explanation.
Though he couldn’t figure out why the doctor would be going along with the little arrangement, unless he had something to gain, too. Or worse, he was being suckered in by Quark’s charmless charms.
Feeling a sense of duty to protect the poor, naive young man (and because Kira had told him to do something) Odo approached the pair. He made a sound like clearing his throat, not that he actually could, but got no response. Bashir continued rubbing a thumb absently over Quark’s hand as they just…stared at each other with expressions that made Odo incredibly uncomfortable.
“Ahem,” Odo tried again, louder than before. He suddenly very much wanted this to all be over.
This time they both looked up at him as though just realizing the bar wasn’t empty.
“Ah, constable!” Quark exclaimed, smiling wide. “What brings you here on such a beautiful afternoon? How about a drink? On the house, of course.”
Odo narrowed his eyes. The doctor’s blood had been checked, but had Quark’s? He’d have to look into that.
“You know I don’t drink.”
“Of course, how silly of me. What a shame. I was just about to invite you to have lunch with us,” the ferengi continued. He turned to Bashir and his smile seemed to get even brighter.
Odo was very uncomfortable now.
“Drop the act, Quark.”
The other two looked at each other then back at him quizzically.
“What does Odo mean, dear?”
“I have no idea, Julian. What act, Odo?”
Odo rolled his eyes. “Please, I don’t have time to play games. Obviously this relationship is a sham.”
“Sham?” Bashir repeated incredulously.
“A means to an end, whatever that end is.”
“Odo, I am shocked at you! Do you go around accusing everyone in a relationship of such nonsense?”
“Only if they’re dating Quark.”
“I take offense to that.”
Odo ignored the ferengi, continuing with, “Besides, it’s obvious this relationship is fake. I happen to know that Quark is a traditionalist, and expects females to act a certain way.”
Bashir narrowed his eyes and straightened up indignantly. “First, I’m not a woman—”
“But you’re in the place of one,” Odo countered, causing the young doctor to bristle.
“Fine then,” Bashir said standing. “If I’m a woman now, I’ll have to act like one. A ferengi one.”
Odo didn’t realize what he meant until the good doctor was removing his uniform. In a rush Odo left, saying, “You’ve proven your dedication!”
He passed by Garak on his way out. Odo almost pitied the flash of disbelief on his face.
“Keep an eye on them for me,” Odo requested, very glad he couldn’t blush. “Keep in mind though that murder is still illegal.” Do turned back towards the bar just a fraction; the couple were in hysterics. “I might turn a blind eye for this though.”
—
Rom’s eyes were alarmingly wide, that was the first thing Leeta noticed when he and Nog came up to her. Quickly she abandoned what she was doing and asked, “What’s wrong, Rommie?”
“Quark…was nice to me.”
Leeta beamed. “Me too! He acted almost like a respectable person this morning. I’m sure it’s because Julian told him to.”
“I can’t believe they’re dating! It’s…it’s…strange.”
“Aww, I think it’s sweet, Rommie,” Leeta practically sighed. “This just goes to show—anyone can find love. Even a flake like Julian or a jerk like your brother.”
Nog, who had yet to speak on the matter, burst out into laughter. Leeta shot him a stern look which only caused Nog to laugh harder, sliding to the floor in a fit.
Rom continued to stand there in shock.
—
The bar was closed and empty sans the station’s newest couple. Julian was grinning wide as he leaned over the counter, watching his partner pour them drinks.
“I have to say, this is going better than planned,” Julian commented as Quark came over.
“We make a good pair, Doctor. Julian.”
They shared a smile and clanked their glasses together. Julian was pleasantly surprised when the alcohol touched his lips; Quark had served high priced, non-watered down drink.
“Ah, delicious.” Julian sat the glass down. “Did you know, I have had my blood tested three times already? Miles was determined to prove I wasn’t really me.”
Quark snorted. “I’m offended. Does the chief think I’m not good enough for you?”
“He said you were a bad influence,” Julian confessed, leaning in conspiratorially. “Only slightly better than Garak.”
“Speaking of reactions, your tailor seemed speechless when he came in earlier.” Quark took satisfaction at the sudden shyness that crossed the human’s face.
“Do you think he…I mean,” Julian suddenly straightened and cleared his throat, trying not to sound desperate. “Of course he noticed! All according to—to plan.”
“A foolproof plan,” Quark agreed.
He refilled their glasses, eyes twinkling with thoughts about latinum. It was working so far; Quark had gotten double the usual business at lunchtime than normal. Everyone wanted to catch a glimpse of the talk-of-the-station, after all.
“That stunt you pulled with Odo was brilliant,” Quark complimented as he handed the other man his glass. “I’ve never seen the constable leave the bar so fast.”
“Well he had no right to question my manhood,” Julian replied indignantly. He tipped his head back and down the drink in one go. Quark watched him in amusement.
“He can’t question anything now,” the ferengi snickered.
“Exactly!” Julian took a deep breath, alcohol flooding his system. Quark was at the ready to refill him again. He really needed to pace himself—this was really good stuff. “So how long do you think we should keep this going?”
With a wink that under any other circumstance Julian would have found repulsive, Quark told him, “As long as we can. We just have to make it look good.”
They clanged their glasses together once more.