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It's been almost two years since Ryuuichi and Kotarou moved into the Morinomiya residence. He never would've thought that the mansion and the people inhabiting it would be added into Ryuuichi's most important people in his life. He remembered the day that Obaa-san fell on her wrist—the dread was similar to when he heard the news that his parents won't be coming home anymore.
While both he and Kotarou have grown, both of them still slept together in Ryuuichi's room and bed. Ryuuichi struggled to think about his brother sleeping alone and not needing him to read his stories anymore. He knew it was inevitable, but if he could just enjoy the few more years then he would.
The two years of being in Morinomiya had also given both Kashima brothers the opportunity to meet new people and make new friends—best friends even.
Ryuuichi remembered when they first stepped into the daycare that he had to work at. Everyone seemed to be on edge upon seeing him and Kotarou. But it didn't take long for them to warm up to their presence and accepted them. Now, the moment Taka saw that Kotarou was already in the daycare with Ryuuichi, he would latch on to him like a magnet to a fridge. Sometimes the other kids even had to argue a bit with Taka just so they could play together, especially Kirin. It warmed Ryuuichi's heart knowing his baby brother was in safe hands and weren't alone.
Similarly, Ryuuichi too had gained himself a best friend—well in his opinion he counted as his best friend. Kamitani Hayato, the older brother of Kamitani Taka, was in the same class as he was when he transferred to Morinomiya. They met when Ryuuichi walked into the daycare for the first time, Hayato coming to pick Taka up as their mother was busy with grading.
It wasn't ideal nor was it the best first meeting since not long after Hayato had picked Taka up, Ryuuichi found out that Kotarou had a fever and he hadn't realized until then. Nonetheless, Hayato never said anything about it and Ryuuichi appreciated it.
Ever since then, Ryuuichi would make Hayato come with him to the daycare to take care of the kids alongside Usaida, another babysitter. He hadn't complained a single time despite him constantly grumbling about how Taka was an idiot. Hayato even joined the Babysitter Club officially when Kotarou had basically drag him to Ryuuichi during the club promotion week.
Before Ryuuichi could tell him that he shouldn't feel pressured, Hayato had cut him off and said, "This is all from me. I wasn't pressured by anyone. I want to join the club."
And ever since then, their friendship had grown and, unbeknownst to himself, so did Ryuuichi's feelings towards Hayato.
"Kotarou, do you have everything in your bag already?" Ryuuichi asked.
Today would mark the first day of "school" for Kotarou. Not exactly school in a sense that they'd be learning like his brother, it was just another day in the daycare with additional lessons, like reading and writing. Thankfully, Usaida was now licensed to teach kids, thus nothing would be different to the usual.
"Ung!" Kotarou nodded. He'd checked his bag when his brother asked. He wouldn't want to miss out on any of the activities that Usaida might have planned for them.
With Kotarou's answer, the Kashimas headed to the daycare with ease, though as they approached the building, the sky started to darken and thunders were starting to crack. And it didn't take long for the sky to start to pour. Heavily.
Crap.
He forgot to bring his and Kotarou's umbrella with him. It had almost been sunny the entire week. Had I checked the weather this morning, this wouldn't have happened, Ryuuichi thought.
Ryuuichi decided to carry Kotarou on his arms and ran. While it didn't matter since they were now already in front of the school, albeit drenched, Ryuuichi couldn't shake off the thought that he should've anticipated it, especially for something as trivial as bringing an umbrella everywhere. Thankfully, the daycare wasn't too far from the entrance and they were able to make it just in time as Hayato was coming out of the room.
Before he could say anything, Hayato took Kotarou from his arms and opened the door into the daycare. Ryuuichi couldn't bring himself to walk inside knowing that he was dripping from how soaked he was. He didn't bring any spare clothes nor did he have any in school. Fortunately, he always brought a spare for Kotarou and would leave it in the cubbies. A habit he developed after he saw how dirty Kotarou had gotten after playing outside with Usaida and the others.
Hayato finally came out of the room alone. "Kotarou's with Usaida-san. Let's go to class before the bell rings."
"How? With me like this?" Ryuuichi looked down to his shirt and pants. "You should just go alone."
Hayato started to untie his tie and unbutton his shirt, leaving him with a plain white tee donned on his body. "Wear this first. At least so you don't get cold."
"K-Kamitani…."
Ryuuichi's heart was beating so hard he was struggling to keep his breathing steady. He knew that he should take the shirt and tie that Hayato was (impatiently) handing, but he couldn't make himself take it from his hand.
"Just wear it. Or would you rather have Kotarou see you sick again?" Hayato irritably asked.
Ryuuichi furrowed his eyebrows. "That's not fair. What about you? The teacher's going to punish you for just wearing that."
"I'll be fine. Just get changed first while I mop the floor, then we can get to class."
"Fine," sighed Ryuuichi. Although he might not looking like it, Hayato could be pretty insistent (or "determined" as he would say) when he wanted to and it could be annoying, but it was also funny how Ryuuichi could see where Taka got his "determination".
He was right, it did feel better now that he'd gotten out of his damp shirt but he thought that it was also because he could feel Hayato's smell enveloping him. Somehow, it felt warmer in Hayato's shirt.
As expected, Hayato was scolded by the teacher for not wearing his uniform during class. It wasn't too bad when he explained the situation. The girls seemed to whisper to themselves about how cool and considerate Hayato was for doing that to Ryuuichi. He even heard one of them whisper about how she should've thought about that before. For some reason, it irked Ryuuichi much more than he preferred.
Aside from that, the lessons were smooth sailing and without realizing it, the bell for lunch had rung. Ryuuichi picked up his bag to take his bento out. Before he could open it, his phone rang, Usaida's name on display. Ryuuichi picked the call up.
"Ryuu-chan, sorry to bother you, but do you perhaps have Kotarou's lunch with you? I don't think his bento's in his bag," said Usaida as Ryuuichi held the phone up to his ear, concern laced on his voice.
What.
Ryuuichi could hear rustling on the other end of the line. "Yeah, his bag's pretty much filled with picture books and colored pencils," informed Usaida.
Fuck.
"Wait, I think I accidentally put his lunch in my bag. Sorry, Usaida-san. I'll head to the daycare now," Ryuuichi lied.
"Alright. See you, Ryuu-chan," Usaida said before turning off the call.
Ryuuichi forgot to bring Kotarou's lunch. Usually Saikawa would put their lunch in their respective bags while they get ready for school, but the meetings Obaa-san had to attend were all outside the city so they had to stay for the entire week, even though Saikawa had offered to stay at home with the boys.
It was a breeze at first. Ryuuichi adapted to the situation pretty quickly, but last night he had to sleep later than usual because he forgot to finish the report that Hebihara-sensei had given; he would rather chew on rocks than hear a lecture from him. Kotarou had gone to sleep first; he talked about how he wanted to accompany his brother throughout the night, but his growing body required sleep more than his want.
Now, was it stupid of Ryuuichi for making that decision? Yes. Was it worth the late night? Honestly, it didn't seem to be worth it. But did he finish the report and submitted it on time thus erasing the chance of Hebihara-sensei from giving him an earful? Yes.
So he didn't exactly regret doing that, but he regretted not setting his alarm before he'd went to sleep. He was awaken by Kotarou asking him for breakfast. Had his brother didn't do that Ryuuichi was certain that they (him really) would've been late for school. He was still a bit mad at himself for that, but what's done is done, he couldn't change the past.
"Kamitani, I'll be heading to the daycare first. I forgot to pack Kotarou his lunch," Ryuuichi rushed. He was out of the door before he could hear Hayato's answer.
How could he forget Kotarou's lunch? He'd gotten so used to Saikawa making them their food that he'd forgotten to do it himself now. He had just assumed that Kotarou already had his bento as he was packing his lunch. Why hadn't he thought of checking? Kotarou wouldn't have to wait for him had he done that.
Before he could chastise himself, Ryuuichi saw the entrance to the daycare and walked up to the door. He tried to calm himself down lest he accidentally does something he might regret. And after a few breaths in, he slid the door open.
Kotarou hunched down on the table, seemingly coloring a book that Usaida must have given him during Ryuuichi's run. He didn't seem to be fussy or too hungry.
"Ryuu-nii!" shouted Taka.
Upon hearing his brother's name, Kotarou looked to see where Ryuuichi at the door.
"Nii-chan!"
Somehow, hearing his brother call him when he saw him, Ryuuichi felt so much worse than before. Kotarou didn't even mention anything about being hungry or blaming him for not packing his lunch. He simply walked over to the high school student and hugged his leg as usual.
Ryuuichi bent down to carry Kotarou in his arms and walked to where his brother was sitting.
"Nii-chan's sorry for taking your bento, Kotarou," said Ryuuichi. He sat Kotarou on his lap and placed the bento next to the coloring book.
He saw that his brother had used almost every color on the paper, but it wasn't too bad seeing how he tried to keep it inside the lines as much as he possibly could.
"Do you like it, Nii-chan?" Kotarou asked. He looked proud of his masterpiece.
Ryuuichi nodded. While it was a lot, he could see that his brother tried his best coloring it. It wasn't unexpected as he knew how much work Kotarou would put when he worked on something. "It looks great. I'm proud of you. Now, let's eat, okay?"
Kotarou grinned and nodded hearing Ryuuichi's answer. If his brother's happy then he was happy too.
Ryuuichi opened the bento and started feeding Kotarou while the younger watched as his friends play; Taka was playing Rangers with the twins while Kirin tried to have Usaida and Midori play house with her.
Whilst playing, Taka accidentally threw his sword and hit Kirin on her back as she was serving tea to Usaida. The girl chastised Taka for throwing his things around, especially something that had a pointy edge like his sword and how it could be dangerous. And as per usual, Taka retaliated by telling her that it was "her fault for sitting there"—trying not to lose the argument. It was a normal sight at the daycare that Ryuuichi wasn't surprised that it was happening.
Before he could stop the argument from turning into a screaming match. He heard a "It was your fault, idiot. Apologize to Kirin."
"But it wasn't my fault!" Taka cried.
"You threw the sword and it hit her. Of course it was your fault, you dumbass."
Ryuuichi could feel himself smiling as he watched to two brothers bicker. Kirin was telling Midori to slap Usaida awake to play house again; not caring about the Kamitanis.
"Why should I? It wasn't my fault that it hit her! Ryuu-nii, help me!" Taka called out.
Hayato raised his fist. "Yes, it was because you were throwing it around and it hit her back, whether it was an accident or not, you should still apologize."
"I'm sorry, Taka-chan. I have to agree with your brother. It's dangerous to throw it around, specially with it having pointy edges. You could've accidentally thrown it to Midori," Ryuuichi responded. He saw the way Hayato raised one of his eyebrows at his brother as if to say 'I told you so'.
Taka's mouth was starting to quiver and Ryuuichi saw his eyes glisten. "Fine!"
His focus was broken when he felt someone poke his cheek from his lap. "Finished," announced Kotarou, pointing to the bento that was clean of any food.
Ryuuichi smiled. "Okay. Do you want to continue color the book?" he asked whilst packing the bento box.
At the mention of coloring, Kotarou nodded and started to color the book again. Ryuuichi slid Kotarou down on the floor from his lap and walked towards his brother's cubby to put the box inside his bag. His brother knew that Ryuuichi couldn't always entertain him the entire day. He still had to look after the other kids as well, yet not once had he complained about it. How Kotarou was able to be so perceptive yet still so considerate of him Ryuuichi didn't know. He sometimes wished that his little brother would act a little selfishly from time to time like Taka would, tell him that he was being inconsiderate or say that his brother was an idiot for not turning on his alarm the night before and making them run through the rain. Just once Ryuuichi would like to hear it.
As he was zipping the bag close, there was bread obstructing his vision and halting his thoughts.. He looked up to see Hayato holding the bread in front of him.
"Eat. I don't think you've eaten anything," Hayato said, putting it on Ryuuichi's hand.
"Oh, no. It's okay, Kamitani. Thank—Ow! What was that for?"
Hayato had hit his head. Although light, it still surprised Ryuuichi.
"I'm not taking 'no' for an answer. Just eat."
Ryuuichi pouted. He placed Kotarou's panda backpack back inside his cubby.
"Fine."
Ryuuichi opened the plastic that was encasing the small loaf of bread. It was a simple chocolate bread that he liked to eat from time to time.
"Thanks," Ryuuichi murmured as he chews. He wouldn't admit it to Hayato but he was some kind of a knight in shining armor for giving him the bread. If his stomach could talk, it would've told Ryuuichi off for not giving it sustenance or sorts.
"I think the kids are fine for now. I think we should talk," Hayato declared.
Having no fight left in him, Ryuuichi nodded and wordlessly walked out of the daycare, following Hayato.
Growing up with just his brother, Ryuuichi had to take the role of being a mother, father, and brother to him. Sure, the was Obaa-san and Saikawa helping him, but at its core, Ryuuichi was the one who had to take care of Kotarou even as a teenager.
Like other teenagers, he hadn't anticipated taking over their parents' roles at his age. Not in a million years had the idea come to his mind. But maybe he should've thought about it. It wouldn't have been such a shock to him when he heard the news of their parents' death.
Upon hearing the news, dread, grief, despair, and hopelessness crept up to him like vines. Every step he took, he felt like he was being choked by everything. His body became so numb that he was unable to cry during the funeral while Kotarou was too small to understand the idea of grief and loss. Ryuuichi was only able to think about survival—how would he survive alone without their parents guiding them through life? Who would he talk to about his future plans? His daily life?
The few days following the funeral didn't fill in the gaping hole in his heart but he did try to care for Kotarou for stability. It wasn't until one day when the baby awoke in the middle of the night and Ryuuichi couldn't get him to stop crying. He'd tried feeding him, changing his diaper, rocking him, singing the lullaby their mother used to sing, anything, yet all were futile. Kotarou kept crying throughout the night and it almost drove him mad. He wished his parents were here to help calm the baby down.
Ryuuichi decided that he had to take a breather for a while before things go south. It pained him to listen to his brother's cries, but it also wasn't good for him to stay and drive himself crazy because of it. Perhaps it would be better for the both of them for Ryuuichi to step out of the room for just one second.
Even after everything he'd done, he couldn't fill that void left by their parents.
He wanted to cry out for them, but it was useless. They weren't going to come back. All he had was Kotarou now and vice versa. If he broke down and lost himself, his brother would lose the last person in his family. Ryuuichi couldn't bring himself to think about that possibility. The thought was fleeting but it hit him just as bad, if not worse than their parents' death. He swore to himself that he'd never leave Kotarou alone no matter the circumstances.
Ryuuichi had finished the chocolate bread. His stomach did hurt for a bit from the shock due to the sudden entrance of food after hours of nothing. It was tolerable though, so he pushed through the ache.
During the time he was eating, he and Hayato walked aimlessly through their school yard before stopping near the baseball field.
"Are you okay, Kashima?" asked Hayato. He wasn't looking at Ryuuichi instead he was watching the empty field.
The question felt more weighted for something so simple. Was he okay? What was he feeling?
"I don't know." Ryuuichi shrugged. That was a way to summarize his feelings. Every emotion so jumbled that he couldn't bring himself to dissect them one by one, all he knew was it concocted a ball of something bad. "Am I enough, Kamitani?"
"In what way?"
"A brother? A student? A caretaker? As a friend? As someone?"
Hayato didn't respond for a while. The slow breeze of the wind filling in the silence between them. Ryuuichi didn't mean to ask such a heavy question to his best friend; it had unknowingly poured out of his mouth.
"I'd say you are." Hayato finally answered.
Ryuuichi hummed. "To which one?"
It didn't take long for Hayato to answer this time. "All of them," he said as he turned to look at Ryuuichi.
Did Ryuuichi believe him? Not at first. But when he felt and saw the seriousness radiating from Hayato, it wasn't hard to believe the guy.
Before Ryuuichi could say anything, Hayato continued, "You might not realize this but you're one of the few people I look up to, you know?"
Now Ryuuichi was appalled. That was a big confession from Hayato, the one who seemed to have his life together and nonchalant about everything.
"My dad's an absent father, even when he was still married to the old woman. I mean, he was physically available but that's it really. He was never emotionally there…. He'd left right after Taka was born so the kid never even knew who his dad was—still doesn't," Hayato explained.
Ryuuichi opened his mouth to comfort the teen but was declined by the shake of his head.
"I grew up learning love in the form of tough love. We never said 'I love you' to each other. My family's not exactly the dream family. Yours on the other hand…. You're the type of family I would've wanted to be a part of as a kid, y'know? You must've been so loved by your parents that you're now doing your best to give Kotarou the same experience you had as a kid.
"And you're doing amazing, Kashima. I most likely won't change how I show my love, but I do admire how you do. Even with the brat's tantrum, you're never out of patience. You're the best brother and parent to Kotarou but also to the kids in the daycare. You're also excelling in school. I just love everything about you, Kashima."
What.
Hayato chuckled. Apparently Ryuuichi had accidentally said it aloud.
"Well, not to throw another wrench into that head of yours, but I do like you, Kashima. You're an amazing friend, brother, parent, caretaker, best friend, and I like you," Hayato explained, or the lack thereof? Ryuuichi couldn't tell anymore.
He'd have to admit that it felt good. Great even to see how red Hayato was. It was cute. It also wasn't good for his heart though with how fast it was beating.
"First of all, thank you. So much for all that. I'm sorry that he's like that." Hayato shrugged at the mention of his father. "Second of all, how am I supposed to answer to that?"
Hayato chuckled. God he looked so pretty smiling like that, Ryuuichi thought. It was unfair when he was basically in a crisis and Hayato had not only brought more firewood but also a gallon of gasoline to the fire.
"You don't have to. I won't mind if you don't want to answer or wanna take your time." Hayato smiled.
"No, you can't just throw a wrench into a janked up machine and go along the way?" Ryuuichi exclaimed. "That's actually unfair."
Like a petulant child, Ryuuichi crossed his arms and pouted. He hadn't meant it to happen but whatever, it was only Hayato.
"I-I like you too, Kamitani," Ryuuichi mumbled.
The wind suddenly increased, picking leaves up from their branches. The sky was blue, yet it wasn't too bright as there were white clouds coloring it as well. The rain had stopped for a while, but Ryuuichi could still smell the rain in the air. The wind was blowing his hair. Everything suddenly seemed so full of colors now. With the red coming from Hayato's cheeks and ears.
He was grinning from ear to ear. Ryuuichi had never seen him smile that big before. Perhaps once when their baseball team had made it to Koshien once. Ryuuichi was enamored. It suited him. It made him want to be the cause of Hayato's smile again.
"It's not just you and Kotarou now, okay? You have me now, Ryuu," said Hayato.
"And you have me as well, Hayato."
Ryuuichi certainly didn't expect his first kiss to be with his best friend and club member. Well, maybe he did, but it didn't matter when he could feel the hollow part of his heart get slowly patched knowing that Hayato was there with him.
Usaida whistled as he saw the two boys whilst taking the kids out for a walk. He'd bet they'd make a great pair, and he was happy to see his vision coming true. Maybe he should try learning tarot. He had a knack for predicting stuff like this.
"Usa-san, is that Ryuu-nii and Hayato-nii?" Kirin asked.
"Was Nii-chan just kissing Ryuu-nii?" Taka asked digustedly. He was still looking at the pair who was now hugging each other. There were only them in their world.
Usaida nodded, answering both kids. "Yup. Do you not like your Nii-chan kissing Ryuu-chan?"
Taka contemplated for a second before saying, "No, Nii-chan stinks."
Usaida laughed upon hearing the kid's explanation. "But if Ryuu-chan's dating him, he might be able to bring Ryuu-chan to your house or you might get invited to Ryuu-chan's house more often which means you can see Kotarou more often," he teased.
It was the best lure to use because he could see the gears turn inside Taka's head as he processed the information. Once he finally caught on to it, Taka grabbed Kotarou's hand to his and ran towards their brothers whilst screaming 'Nii-chan'.
Man, what Usaida would do to be young again.