Chapter Text
In a way, he forsaw this turn of events, time and time again. Yet when it came to the real gist of it, he couldn't forsee how much he would still struggle to be near him.
Kaveh's morning didn't start this way though. For once, he was actually looking forward to his first day back on the job, a sort of giddiness guiding him on his way to the office.
Despite his high levels of anxiety, not any ounce of bad luck could stop him in his tracks. He got up early enough to buy his favorite coffee and bagel from Lambad's shop down his appartment, his cat Mehrak didn't throw a fit and most importantly, he didn't misplace his keys, nor his lucky hairpin in his messy room.
Destiny was definitely smiling at him, blessing him in his future endeavours.
Driving across the city and listening to his favorite playlist, he thought about what his recruiter told him during the interview for this position.
He could still remember the spark in his eyes when he described all the parternship opportunities he could get if he decided to work with them. It has been a long time since someone was actually excited to see what Kaveh's fullest potential could be and Kaveh was actually flustered by the idea of it.
What if he wasn't up to it? What if his work was going to be a big disappointement? What if, after all his blood and tears, his work and talent wouldn't be truly enough?
As he was trying to guess when the inevitable shoe of reality would drop and destroy his dreams, his ears picked on the beginning notes of the next song of his playlist.
Heat Waves by Glass Animals, the song he always linked to him.
This definitely didn't help him to calm his nerves.
Sometimes all I think about is you
His presence lingering on his mind, he couldn't avoid thinking about what could've been if he didn't crash out and left him there.
Late nights in the middle of June
That night when he took all of his things and left him with their unfinished project was one of the worst nights of his life.
Heat waves been fakin' me out,
"Your ideals will be your ruin", he told Kaveh, not realizing his words cut deeper than anyone else's.
Can't make you happier now
"And yet, pondered Kaveh in his car, would you still be proud of me for sticking to my plans and not listening to you?"
As he was reminiscing, he didn't realize he was getting closer to the parking lot of his office. Lowering the sound of the music, he looked for a place to leave his car, as a lot of the spots were already occupied.
He sighed, not realizing he was holding his breath this whole time.
"Alhaitham... I wonder where you are now."
As soon as he parked his car and stopped the engine, he shook his head and gently taped his face.
"Ok Kaveh, he told himself, enough already of your intrusive thoughts! This is your first day back to work, at your dream job, he said as he locked eyes with his rearview reflection.
"You will not screw this up or make your day worse just because you're thinking about your past."
Trying to smile at himself, he rearranged his coat and the collar of his white shirt.
"Come on Kaveh: this is your future, you got this!"
Taking a deep breath, he got out of his car, without forgetting his briefcase and his neatly prepared lunchbox.
As he arrived at the main entrance of the building, he caught his full reflection in the glass doors that separated him from the lobby.
Rechecking himself quickly, a genuine smile creeped upon his lips, the first one since he woke up this morning.
"Yes, he told himself softly, everything is going to be fine, I got this"
In spite of that, his subconscious mind couldn't ignore the green and grey flashes he caught in the corner of his eye.
Kaveh has always seen himself as an anxious thinker, so anticipating all that could happen in one given situation wasn't really out of his alley. His therapist would probably say it was his way of trying to keep control of everything, he would probably add that it was also a powerful tool for his everyday life and his job.
Therefore, he shouldn't have been surprised when he saw Alhaitham of all people sitting at one of the desks of the office.
In a way, he forsaw this turn of events, time and time again. Yet when Alhaitham looked up from his computer and their eyes met for the first time in five years, he didn't realize how much this encounter would shake him up to the core.
A wiser version of himself would have surely been braver, being able to mumble a non-chalant and polite greeting. Yet his present self only wanted to do one thing: run away and never come back to this building again.
Though shocked, his state didn't alter his observationnal skills: after all, the first thing he noticed was how Alhaitham's gaze also widened, seemingly surprised by this unexpected turn of events. He could almost tell he missed him as well, yet his quick return to a neutral stance made him reject the idea out of his head.
Naively, he always thought he would look like the last time he saw him, his attire and frame frozen forever in time. He didn't account for the fact that people change and that Alhaitham, of all people, could be able of change.
He didn't expect him to dress more formally compared to his former days, nor sporting a shorter haircut, which suited him better than the older one. And since when did he become so fit, he didn't remember Alhaitham being so musc-
"- Kaveh? Kaveh, did you hear what I said?"
Getting out of his thoughts, he focused his attention back to Alhaitham, not realizing he has been in a daze until now. If they weren't the only people at his desk, he could have sworn someone else called him out of his freeze state, being unable to associate this deeper voice to the former friend he once knew.
"Ye-yeah sure I..." He quickly coughed, trying to manage to get a few words out.
"Get your shit together, Kaveh!"
"Uhm, he said sheepishly, I actually didn't get that. Can you repeat it again please?"
He didn't miss how Alhaitham seemed taken aback, even though it lasted for only a fraction of a second. Maybe he wasn't alone in all of this, maybe he also didn't know how to approach this situation.
"So as I said before, started Alhaitham while straightening up, I am the secretary in charge of the creative branch of the company."
"You may come to me if you need any help with the administrative part of your work, otherwise you may talk to my colleagues in accounting or human ressources, he continued as he returned to his computer, not looking at Kaveh anymore. Any questions?"
"Oh. He was just being polite with you, what did you really expect you stupid-"
"Oh great, thanks for the tip", Kaveh responded, a bit machinally.
An uncomfortable silence started to fill the space between them.
"Quick, think about something to say, you fool"
"Uhm, started shyly Kaveh, do you know where is-?"
"Oh, there you are Kaveh", shouted an enthousiastic voice from his right.
A tall brunette woman was now standing next to Alhaitham, looking happily at Kaveh. He recognized her from his interview, as she actually came in the room to look at his work after he was finished with the recruiter.
"It's really nice to see you again Kaveh, welcome to the company" , she said while shaking hands with him.
"I must apologize for the last time we briefly saw each other, I didn't introduce myself at the time."
"I'm Dunyarzad Mehri, the manager of the creative branch of Sumeru's entreprise, but you may call me Dunyarzad", she pursued.
"If you need any help with a project or if you have any difficulties with some clients, you may come to me without any hesitation", she said with a sincere smile.
She looked between Kaveh and Alhaitham, interest sparking in her eyes.
"I see you have already met Alhaitham, our good secretary. He is very diligent in what he does, so don't hesitate to come towards him if you need any help."
The man didn't even aknowledge Dunyarzad's compliments, being engrossed by his paperwork.
"Well then, I will show you the work space and I will tell you about some of the clients we have, continued Dunyarzad, as she started walking past Alhaitham's desk.
Kaveh looked briefly at his former best friend, who didn't seem bothered by their impromptu reunion.
"So, this is how it is, huh?"
He quickly caught up to Dunyarzad, not seeing Alhaitham's gaze following his silhouette as he went away.
Luckily, the cheerful presence of his manager and the amount of work he had to accomplish made him temporarily ignore what had just transpired with Alhaitham.
Still, an uneasy feeling persisted, his fight or flee response being on high alert since their meeting. Thus, he decided to go out and eat his lunch in the park next to his office, secretely hoping he won't cross his path.
Sitting on a bench in an isolated corner, he got his lunch out of the box. Pita pockets were usually his favorite, yet his appetite wasn't quite there today.
He felt his chest tightening, a sense of impending doom washing over him.
"You know you don't have the time to think about that right now"
He felt the world spinning around him, his breathing getting shorter and shorter each passing moment.
He sensed his consciousness being split in two parts, the gentle and tolerant part of himself fighting against the one that wanted to bring him down.
"He hates you, of course he hates you, after what you've done to him, how could he not?"
Everything is awful, there is no escape from this.
"Maybe he was busy, you know how Alhaitham is when it's about work"
A controlled slow breath, trying to follow a pattern to reality.
"You saw how he changed, you don't know him anymore, he hates you"
Spiraling thoughts that can't be contained.
"You actually can't conclude anything from two minutes of conversation, besides he seemed..."
"Yeah no, it's only your wishful thinking, you know that"
Maybe it's true, maybe nothing can be done about it.
"And what if he also misses us?"
A glimmer of hope, maybe a new beginning.
"Yeah sure, whatever makes your boat float"
Controlled breaths, one at a time. To forgive oneself is also accepting the part that doesn't want to be forgiven.
Controlled breaths, one at a time. Everything will be fine, whether he will or not be there.
A small tear slided on Kaveh's cheek. While he has managed to calm himself down for the moment, he knew those feelings would come back later on.
After all, the mask he was desperately trying to keep on always seemed to come undone when it was about him.
The rest of his day passed in a blur, not realizing how quickly time went on until the workplace started to empty out.
As he was tidying up his desk at the end of his shift, he looked at the notifications on his phone.
He forgot to answer Tighnari's messages this afternoon and he really needed to get back to him, especially since he got him this job in the first place.
He crossed the empty room and went directly to the elevators, a peaceful quietness filling the empty waiting hall.
While he was looking at his other text messages, the elevator doors opened and showed an unbothered Alhaitham, his old noise cancelling headphones over his ears.
Kaveh lifted his eyes and had a split moment of panic.
"I can't avoid him forever, I need to behave like an adult"
Taking a deep breath, he stepped forward and entered the elevator cage, standing at an acceptable distance from Alhaitham.
The awkward silence was still there, as both men avoided to look at each other. At one point, the wall between them was going to break, whether they wanted it or not. But today was definitely not the day it was going to happen.
As they both got out of the elevator in the lobby and exited the building, they parted ways in the parking lot, each one going in opposite directions. As Kaveh started to walk towards his car, he heard a quiet whisper that made him stop in his tracks.
"Have a nice evening, Kaveh"
He quickly turned around, but Alhaitham was already gone, walking away in the distance.
As the last pieces of his mask shattered, Kaveh's world crashed with them, tainted by the regrets he could no longer forget.