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The room was… tight. No. Small. That was the word. Small. And dark. Nothing had been dark when she’d been with mommy. Nothing had been cold either and nothing had felt like this. She was scratching the claws of her toes into the ground, the sound grating on her own ears and marking the floor.
Concrete. That’s the word Dean Winchester had used.
“If you’re gonna stash it somewhere, then put it in the back garage. Not much damage it can do to concrete.”
She didn’t like it down here and there really was no damage to do. Whatever damage was. There was nothing to do down here but scratch at the floor and gaze at the glimmering swirls of magic that were etched into the concrete.
She wasn’t sure what ‘this’ was, this feeling she was having. Usually when it happened there would eventually be fluid dropping out of her eyes, she would make sounds (though she couldn’t yet shape them properly into words) and eventually mommy would come to comfort her.
But mommy was not here now, she recalled with growing agitation. Mommy had said 4 hours, 32 minutes and 12 seconds ago:
“I don’t have all of the ingredients for the spell I told you about. I will be gone for some hours to find it. I told your father and Sam to look out for you while I’m gone.”
Some hours were not a span of time she knew how to judge, but she really wanted some hours to be done now. Sam Winchester had stuck his head in once and asked her if she was hungry. She liked Sam Winchester because even though he was so small, he didn’t hesitate to touch her when she tried to reach out. Mommy had said that humans had something they called “personal space” and it was very important to them. Sometimes they didn’t like being touched. Sam didn’t seem to have that problem.
“You have to give your father time. You’re a surprise to him,” mommy had told her and she could see that mommy was sad about that. Sad and regret and anger and hurt. Those were things that she hadn’t known up in Heaven with mommy. Though there had always been that slightly tingling inside of mommy, a dark, muddy color that she tried to understand. It was pretty much the same thing Dean Winchester projected when she saw him. It was fear somehow, mixed in with something else.
She didn’t know too many emotions yet and she didn’t know how to match them to the words that mommy was teaching her.
She felt the tears now running down her cheeks and whined quietly, pressing her forehead to the concrete. She wanted out of here, but the door was so small and the corridors behind the door even smaller. Mommy was so far away and her father didn’t come to take care of her. Who was going to pet her now?
“Mommy come back,” she said wetly and started to stand up. She almost hit her head on the ceiling, even hunched over as she was. She was sad. She wanted out of here.
She stopped wailing when she heard the screech of the door in the other garage, where all the cars were. There were steps, hesitating, but after a while the door opened properly and Dean Winchester was there. He had a look on his face that was mostly a frown.
“Hey,” he said after a while and closed the door behind him with a loud noise. He kept close to the wall and crossed his arms over his chest. He looked… defensive. But mommy had said that this was pretty much how he always looked like.
She wiped the back of her hand over her face, the push away the tears, then she sat back down because she was smaller that way.
“Hello,” she said. Dean looked dubious to hear her speak. She hadn’t been able to when they first met.
“Cas said you’d maybe get fidgety after a while. And that I’d have to come check on you.”
“Hm,” she replied, not sure what fidgety was. “Thank you?” That made the expression on her father’s face change. His eyes became more open, the corners of his lips turned down and for a moment she feared that she had made him sad even though she didn’t know why. Then it changed back to something she was more familiar with on his face. Determination maybe? Dean Winchester was hard to read. He let his arms drop and slowly made his way over to where she was sitting. He looked at the floor and traced her shallow claw marks in the concrete with his boot. He stopped when he was close enough for her to reach. She really wanted to touch him. He was light inside and warm.
She felt new tears in her eyes and lowered her head.
“Hey, why are you crying?” he said and because she didn’t know how to reply she drummed her claws on the concrete, making the sharp clacking noises echo in the room. “Are you missing your mom?” Here Dean made a grimace as if the word mom made his mouth feel odd.
“Everyone,” she explained and hoped that he would understand. When his eyebrows lowered she raised a hand. Dean took half a step back and she stopped her arm. But when he relaxed she pointed her finger to Dean’s chest without touching him. “Missing. Everyone.”
“So you’re saying that you’re lonely?” Dean asked and she supposed that he would know best. She made a small sound. Dean sighed and lifted his arm. There was something in his hand. “Sit down.”
“Am sat down,” she said and Dean frowned. “Can lie,” she offered and got on her belly, curling up slightly. Dean watched her with a bit of suspicion, but eventually he deemed it alright and walked up to her. She observed how he sat down on the floor close to her.
“Are you gonna bite if I sit on your fur?” She shook her head. She had no teeth yet anyway though she doubted Dean would be reassured by that. Dean scooted a bit closer until he was resting his back against her side. And it was warm. She gave a shiver that rustled the fur and the feathers and made Dean grunt in surprise. “You okay there, Kiwi?”
“Okay,” she muttered, still surprised to feel the warmth of his body resting against her. This was the first time she was touching him properly.
“Good. Before me and your dad – mom. Gosh darn it.”
“Castiel?”
“Yeah, him. Before me and Cas got together for real I was living with… well, a woman and her son. They took me in when I was sad.”
“Kind,” she commented, happy to know someone was nice to Dean. Dean huffed a laugh, but it didn’t sound very happy.
“Yeah. They were. Well, her son, Ben, he liked me to read to him. Sam did too when he was young. So I’m gonna give it a shot.” She didn’t say anything and watched Dean open the book and clear his throat. “My friend really likes this so I hope you do too.” And then he started to narrate:
“In a hole in the ground there lived a hobbit.”
She sprang to her feet the moment she felt mommy. Dean tensed at the sudden movement, but relaxed a moment after. He was sitting with his back against the wall. She had fallen into a light sleep while Dean read to her, so he had moved away. She didn’t miss his warmth as much now, because the room felt a bit bigger and a bit lighter. Especially once mommy came into the room.
“Kiriel.” She wrapped her arms around mommy’s small human form, happy to feel the familiar warmth. That mommy didn’t fall over when she jumped at him was also a relief. “Have you been good?”
“Yeah. She only did a bit of crying. So I started reading to her,” Dean said and waved the book about a bit before he tossed it on the desk and walked up to mommy. Mommy’s face changed to surprise and then a smile.
“Thank you so much, Dean,” he said, “to see you bonding with Kiriel… I’m grateful.” Dean’s face became slightly red.
“It’s okay, man. I couldn’t just let the kid cry,” he said then he came close enough to pat her fur. “I’m still kinda mad at you,” he told mommy, “but it’s not her fault.”
“This is very generous, thank you,” Castiel said, lowering his head slightly and she wasn’t sure why there was a spark of sadness in mommy now.
“See you later, Kiwi.” She tilted her head to the side and watched Dean go.
“More hobbits?” she asked hopefully, eyeing the book that was lying on the table. Dean actually laughed at that and she felt her feathers fluff up in surprise.
“Yeah okay. If you can get out of the room, because sitting on the floor isn’t very comfortable,” Dean told her and she nodded eagerly. She’d become smaller. She had to!
Dean waved at her, then he left the room, leaving the door open.
“Do you want to try to do the spell? If you become a bit smaller you can move to a different room, closer to where your father and Sam are,” Castiel said and she nodded eagerly.
The spell did help her focus on squeezing herself into a slightly smaller form. The new room had lots of things for her to look at and more space to move around. Her father still gave a start when he came into the room with a cup.
“Jesus! When did you get in here?!” Dean asked and eyed her sitting on the table warily. Sam was sitting there with a smile, eating his cereal. She was happy that Sam was around and had allowed her to sit on the table as long as she would try to keep her tail from swishing things off the surface. She was very careful, she had promised.
“Kiwi told me that you promised to read her a book,” Sam said and Kiwi nodded, grabbing the book and holding it up for Dean to see. “I told her that daddy was still sleeping so she had to wait a bit. She’s a good girl.” Her feathers fluffed up at this again. It was pride she thought. Happiness maybe. “By the way, did you speak to Cas already? He’s still making himself scarce as often as he can. He probably thinks you’re still angry.” Dean shot Sam a warning look, but then he sighed and pulled out a chair.
“Well, daddy needs a drink,” Dean muttered and gulped down some coffee when Kiwi waved the book in front of his nose.
Daddy. Kiwi wondered if she was allowed to call him that. But that was a concern for later. She waved the book around until it made Dean’s hair move in the breeze. He groaned and snatched it out of her hands.
“Come on, Dean. Read the book,” Sam pressed and winked at Kiwi.
“Fine! Will you two long haired giants shut up now?” he grumbled and opened the book.
“Yes!” she whispered and took the crackers that Sam offered her. Dean rolled his eyes. Kiwi looked over her shoulder when she noticed that mommy was here. Castiel kept to the entrance of the room they were in now, where Dean wouldn’t notice him unless he turned around. She didn’t understand what was wrong between her parents but she knew that it had something to do with her. Mommy must have noticed her worry, because he smiled at her, shaking his head gently.
“Kiwi, are you even listening?” Dean asked and she gave a start.
“Sorry,” she mumbled and munched on a cracker. Dean heaved an exaggerated sigh.
“Okay, once again, for the oversized fluff baby.”
“Me?”
“Yeah, that’s you,” Dean said, then he turned the page back. “Now listen.”
And Kiwi did.