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Team decided to take one day off between missions and head out to sea side to relax a little. Summer season was long gone so the only other people that were hanging around in this small village were few elderly couples taking advantage of the same calmness that team hoped for.
This wasn’t real vacation, because next evening they had to head out of state for another mission, but they decided to treat it like that anyway. They rented nice cottage house near the shore and planned to spend most of the day at the beach.
It was late afternoon. The first thing they did when they arrived was to change to normal clothes, so they hopefully won’t be recognized. Something about this mundane day to day clothes made them look like a family, pretty weird mix of adults but still a family. It was strange but comforting in a way. John could deny it, as much as he wanted, but he liked being part of this weird group.
For this day he let go of his weapons and chosen book instead. He didn’t really intended on reading it, it was some fantasy book that Bucky lended him, but if team turned out to be too much hassle to deal with, he will lie and pretend to be busy with it. It was a free day after all.
Weather was great. It was sunny and it was enough amount of windy not be annoying. John lied on the blanket and was watching waves hitting the shoreline. He grew up long way from the sea, so it was rare occurrence for him to observe something like that.
But of course his solitary wouldn’t last long because he was just hit by a volleyball ball.
’Sorry Walker it slipped’ Bob run up to him with apologetic expression.
’Here’ John lifted ball that laid next to his side and gave it back to Bob.
’Are you sure you don't want to play with us?' Bob asked with a caution.
’No, I’m good’
’Alright’ Bob looked at him intensely for a moment while gripping on volleyball. John could swear he looked almost nervous.
’If you change your mind you're always welcome you know’
His words were sincere. John didn’t really understood why Bob was insisting on including him in their game. It wasn’t like they didn’t spend time together. It was quite the opposite actually, whole team was almost always with each other and being able to spend time alone was unusual occurrence.
’Yeah, I know’ John replied a bit confused.
Bob lingered there for a second, opening and shutting his mouth as if he wanted to say something more, but then he had to change his mind because he gave John one last nod with his head before he turned around and run back to rest of the team near the shore.
John watched as Bob tossed ball to Yelena. From what he observed Bob and the girls were playing in the same team, and Bucky and Alexei were in opposite team. It was some sort of simplified volleyball match. John didn’t really get much of a grasp of the rules, but he didn’t payed much attention to them before so that was understandable.
They look like they having fun.
When they saw John watching them they waved and smiled at him. John give them an awkward wave of hand in return and then went back to book that he wasn’t reading. The Lord of the Rings. This copy was relatively new. Bucky said he read The Hobbit as soon as it premiered in 1937, but he didn’t had a chance to read continuation for obvious reasons, so when he finally got a chance he wanted to catch up on what he missed.
John didn’t planed to read this book but he thought he might give it a try after all. Maybe this time he would be able to get through, and actually read a book. Unfortunately his hopes were quickly crushed. Just half page in and letters began to blur. He caught himself repeatedly reading same words over and over. If he was born in this age he probably would be diagnosed with dyslexia or something similar. He always had hard time with reading solid texts like this and always felt some sort insecurity over that, as if he was too stupid to focus and read damn thing. He sigh heavily and putted book aside. Another day.
John went back to watching sea. He sit up on the blanket and propped his hands on his bended knees. He rested his chin on his arms and watched ships slowly fading in horizon.
Bob approach him from the back and popped himself next to john on a blanket. Bob sighed deeply.
’You’re not playing anymore?’
’Nah I’m exhausted. It’s vacation day, to much sport is prohibited’
John snorted. Bob always had funny way with words.
They were sitting and watching sea together. Bob mirrored John position and same as him had his arms and head propped on his knees. Wind was making his curls go in all different ways but he didn’t seem annoyed at that. He was rather peaceful.
’You didn't like the book?’ Bob said softly after a while.
’No, that’s not it’ John answered without giving much thought into it. Bob looked at him puzzled and then grabbed copy of a book.
’The Lord of the Rings. Classic’ Bob smiled looking through the book illustrations. ’I read it when I was in high school. World building seemed intense to grasp at first but it was quite enjoyable when you get used to it’ he glanced at John ’Then what is it?’ He made vague gesture with his hand in air ’If it’s not book itself’
’I mean’ John didn’t wanted to dwell into his insecurities but something about Bob warm approach changed his mind.
’I sometimes have hard time focusing on reading words, you know’ John was looking down, playing with lose thread of his jacket ’I got stuck on the same page and can’t get through. Letters becoming blurry or unmatched. It’s annoying, honestly. I would like to read more books but it’s getting frustrating every time I try’ he glanced in Bob direction but he didn’t suspect their eyes will met. Bob was sitting closely to him pricing him with his blue eyes. John abashed, quickly turned his gaze down again. ’Don’t tell the others, alright? They have enough stuff to tease me about already’
’Yeah of course’ Bob said sincerely ’but I don't think they would tease you about it’
’Bob be for real’ he looked Bob dead in the eye, now whatever embarrassment he felt from their eye contact before was gone.
’They already tease me about anything. Not being able to read? They wouldn’t shut up about it for a year at least’ John rubbed his eyes with annoyance ’And just to be clear, just because it was a little harder to get through books doesnt mean I didn't get education. I’m not stupid’
’Hey no one is saying that!’
’It’s just hard sometimes, alright? I can’t control it’
Bob putted his hand on John knee ’I won’t tell anyone. I promise’ he smiled softly.
John just looked at him and nodded. Bob wasn’t a guy who would go and spill other people’s secrets around so he got to trust him on that one.
’Okay’ he breathed out ’I trust you’
Bob smile widen a bit at John words.
John went back to watching sea. Wind was getting more intense so waves that appeared on the horizon looked more spectacular. Sky was slowly turning more gray as the evening upcoming. There were no cinematic sunset, no bright red oranges, just blues and grays, but John liked it that way. It was melancholic, more in tune with his current mood.
’When Mr. Bilbo Baggins of Bag End announced that he would shortly be celebrating his eleventy-first birthday with a party of…’
’What are you doing?’
’I’m reading Lord of the Rings?’
’Yeah I understood that much. Why are you reading it?’
’You said you wanted to read it but couldn’t, so I thought I might read it for you’ Bob looked worried ’Did I do something wrong?’
John felt sudden wave of emotion coming at him. No one ever suggested doing something like that for John and here was Bob just casually reading for him like it was nothing. It overwhelmed him so much he turned away from Bob to contain himself. He should have feel anger, he should. What Bob was doing was crossing the line. If he didn’t knew Bob better he would thought he’s making fun of him, but he knew him. Bob wasn’t cruel.
’Did I? I’m sorry if I overstepped, I didn’t mean to’ Bob was slightly panicked, he tried to reach out for John ’Please don’t be mad’
John couldn't understand why he felt so bad about it. It was maybe too forward coming from Bob, but he definitely did it in good faith.
’John?’ Bob was seriously worried.
John looked at him but was to overwhelmed to speak. John felt pathetic. Breaking down over simple display of affection. John knelt his head down and tear up.
’Hey come here’ Bob put his arms around John and hugged him closely ’Everything fine. Breathe for me okay?’
John exhaled sharply. He didn’t notice he was holding his breath this whole time. He sniffed and rested his head on Bob shoulder. Few tears escaped. Bob embrace was firm, like he would not stop until John would let him go. So he let himself be devoured by that closeness.
’Do you want me to keep on reading?’ Bob asked softly.
John just nodded. He didn’t trust his voice enough to speak.
’Come on lay down with me’
So he did. He laid next to Bob on the blanket, leaning on his shoulder. He watched closely as Bob opened the book and started to read it out loud again. He was a good narrator. He didn’t tried to be quirky and change the voices for different characters as John suspected he might do. He took it seriously and tried to pronounce every word right without a rush. Listening to his voice was calming.
Once in a while Bob sneaked a little glance at John and gave him a smile.
They didn’t do it often but they sometimes steal a glance or a touch from each other. Bob liked to lean on John, grab onto his shoulder slightly or sit really close to him but he didn’t acknowledge it by words ever. And John didn’t tried to acknowledge it either. He done it too sometimes, it made him feel safe, and it comforted him to know Bob feel somehow safe around him too.
’Walker?’
’Yeah?’
’I think we should head back inside. It’s getting cold’
Bob was right. Weather shifted and last bits of sun was replaced by clouds. Rain might surprise them so it would be best to get back to cottage. Rest of the team already headed back like an half hour before. And thankfully they had enough courtesy in themselves to not comment on him and Bob laying closely together.
’Okay’
’We could continue in the house’
’No’ John answered a bit to quickly ’I mean it would be nice, really, but you probably have better things to do, plans with girls or something’
’Actually I don’t’ Bob looked at John slightly embarrassed ’Ava and Yelena wanted to have girls night. I know I’m usually invited but it’s different kind of girls night, you know what I mean’ he looked at him conspiratorially.
’Alright’ John wrinkled his eyebrows and sighed. Of course he knew what he meant. Yelena and Ava didn’t announce it officially but everyone knew they were together.
’And I thought I would just hang out with the boys this time, with you, Bucky and Alexei. But from what I know Sam's sister is in town and Bucky is going on a date with her. And Alexei…’
’What about him?’
’I don’t know if I have enough energy to keep up with him. He wanted to go to local pub to play billiard or play cards or something. Please Walker, tell him we hang out together and spare me ’ he pleaded and then added anxious ’and if you want to spent time alone it’s fine, i can just rot in bed all evening but please tell him we’re doing something! I really don’t want to go but I don’t have heart to tell him!’
’Alright Bobby! Jeez! I would agreed even if you didn’t tell me all that’
’Wait really?’
’Yeah we’re friends aren’t we?’
Bob let out a cry of joy and jumped on Walker tackling him down with a hug.
’Thank you thank you thank you’ Bob exclaimed happily.
John smiled to himself and shook his head with disbelief, but leaned into a touch anyway. Bob was unbelievable.
’Come on, let’s get going. This clouds look suspiciously dark and I don’t want to get wet’
’Do you think it will rain?’
’Yeah, even storm wouldn't surprise me with this clouds’
Bob's smile faltered slightly. If John was not watching him closely he might have missed that.
’Something wrong?’
’No’ he said to quickly ’It’s nothing, just a flying thought’ he started to energetically collecting their stuff ’Come on, we have to make bingo and drink tea every time Frodo will faint’
’What??’
***
Alexei was devastated when he heard Bob wouldn’t accompany him in his pub adventure, but when he heard he would spend evening with Walker he fall deeply in thought for a moment and then just nodded in understanding without any further discussion. John didn’t knew what the fuck that supposed to mean but for the sake of Bob he didn’t ask.
John wasn't sure if this fantasy genre, all this elves and hobbits were his vibe, but prospect of spending more time with Bob alone was making him excited. They didn’t really hang out with each other without team often, because every time John suggested doing something just the two of them, Bob didn’t really got John intentions right and draged Yelena and Ava along with them. It was frustrating first few times but John got used to it. It was enough for him that they were in each other company. That they were close. Close enough, that they were calling each other friends. But the thing was John sometimes wished for them to be more. He liked Bob more that he wanted to admit.
Plan was to meet next to fireplace in living room area downstairs around 7pm, but firstly they decided to go into their separate rooms and change into something more comfortable that wasn’t covered in sand. John took a quick shower and changed in his old pair of sweats and matching hoodie. He grabbed a book from the night stand and headed downstairs. As he was walking bright light and then sudden darkness filled the corridor as loud thunder was heard from outside. A shiver went down his spine. John looked out of the window and watched as big raindrops hit the glass. It was awfully dark outside. He let out a sigh and headed on his way to living room where hopefully atmosphere will be more cozy.
It was ten minutes past 7pm and Bob didn’t show up yet. Wind outside was getting stronger and it made this unsettling sound through leaky windows. Another strong thunder was heard from outside. John was glad they came back in time, because it would be terrifying to be catch in the middle of this mess.
It was thirty minutes past 7pm and Bob still wasn’t there. John started to worry. Bob usually were late but never that much. Maybe he changed his mind? Ditched him to do something more fun than reading book he already knew. But Bob wouldn’t do that. No without telling him first.
Another strong thunder was heard outside and then lights went off. Electricity went down. It wasn’t that much big of a deal because room was still lighted by fireplace, but John worried Bob might be lost in all this darkness, so he decided to go look for him.
Bob room was in the attic. John remembered way upstairs just fine, but still managed to trip two times on the way, because it was so fucking dark. When he reached his final destination he knocked on the door of Bob bedroom but didn’t hear any answer.
’Hey Bob it’s me, can I come in?’
Still no answer. John knocked again.
’Bob?’
He decided to open door slowly and look inside. They rented the whole house so if he somehow mistaken rooms it didn't matter.
It was empty. No sight of Bob but it was definitely his room based on stuff laying around.
’Bob are you here?’
Still no answer. Maybe he passed by with him accidentally or showed up in wrong place? He exhaled deeply and started to turn away as another strong thunderbolt lighted the room and revealed slightly open door that might lead to other room. John took few steps towards this door and heard weak cry coming from behind them.
’Bob?’ John said alarmed as he opened the door slowly.
There he was. In the corner of the bathroom, sitting curled on the floor, with his hands pressed on his ears and his eyes shut. Tears was rolling down his face. He was scared.
John slowly approached him, cautious of his own steps, and then warily kneel in front of Bob.
’Bobby?’ He putted his hand on Bob shoulder and that touch startle poor Bob so much, John regretted doing that. Bob looked at him with teary eyes. He was miserable.
’John’ he cried weakly.
Bob let go of his ears to reach out for John with his shaky hands, when loud thunder made him shout in fear and curl up even more covering his ears tightly again. He was terrified.
’Hey it’s alright I’m here with you’ John rested his arms on Bob shoulders.
John tried to think quickly what to do. He scan the room looking for something that would muffle the noise but he didn't find anything.
What to do, what to do.
Moment of clarity strike him.
Headphones.
He had this one pair that he always liked to take in travel with him, so team wouldn't bother him too much on the road. They should be in his room somewhere in suit case.
’I’d be right back’ John said but he wasn’t sure if Bob heard him because his hands were still pressed hard on his ears.
John run into dark again. His room was one floor down. Lights were still off and from quick glance outside through passed window storm was only getting stronger. He felt guilty for leaving Bob alone but there was no other way to deal with this situation that he could think of. He barged into his room and snatched his phone from the nightstand to flick on the flashlight. He frantically rushed through things in his suitcase in search for headphones. It wasn't there but it have to be there somewhere because he had them on the road. Backpack. John sprinted across his room to find his headphones being neatly placed in top of his military backpack. He snatched them in his hand and run out of the room to empty corridor. He quickly found his way upstairs, now with light shining from his phone it was easier to get there.
Bob was still curled on the floor, looking even more distraught than before. John quickly connected his phone to headphones and kneeled in front of Bob again. John, this time, really gently rested his hand on Bob arm to get his attention but Bob didn't react. John decided it was best to just slowly slide headphones on Bob head and gently put down his hands. As John was doing it Bob open his eyes and looked at him staggered. Headphones were on, music were playing. Bob hands were still hovering close to his head, as if he was frozen, so John covered them with his own and carefully moved them down. Bob looked overwhelmed, as if he couldn't decide what to do with himself. He looked somehow relieved but still deeply frightened. Something snapped in him and another ways of sobs escaped Bob eyes.
’John’ he cried out and reached for John, who was already in the middle of the way catching Bob into his embrace.
’I’m here’ John said softly to Bob but he was sure younger man didn’t hear him, so he just tightened his grip around him, and let Bob lean on him completely. Bob grip on John shirt was strong. He was crying his eyes out, leaving shaky breath on John chest. John tried to soothe him by making circles on his back, he still wasn’t sure if headphones were good idea but another loud sound from outside didn’t startle Bob so he at least was sure Bob didn’t hear storm anymore.
If he knew Bob feared storms he wouldn’t wait like a moron in living room and be there for him right away after hearing first thunder. There was so much he still didn’t know, and so much he missed. Bob anxiousness when it came to changing weather. His insistence on ditching plans with Alexei, which usually he loved. Only thing that made him feel just tiny less shitty was the fact that Bob wanted to stay with him that evening. Did he knew there would be storm?
As John held Bob, he slowly stopped shaking and his sobs were quieter. He was calming down. Bathroom was small and cold but it didn’t had windows, with exception of small one in the opposite corner of the room. That’s probably what lead Bob here, it was a bit quieter than his room, safer probably. But it was cold. Sitting on tiles in this part of year might get them sick. John delicately slided off one of Bob headphone and whispered to him.
’I will take u somewhere more warm, so close your eyes if lights are scary too, alright?’
Then he slided on headphone neatly back in place. Bob open his still wet eyes, glanced at John and nodded in agreement. Then closed them hard again and pressed his head into John chest, as bracing himself from harm. John didn’t wait for another declaration and lifted him up in bridal style. He was moving slow and careful to not hurt Bob by accident, because it still was really dark, but Bob curled so much into John embrace it wasn’t that hard.
Fire place was still burning. He would have to throw some more wood there later but it was fine for now. He placed Bob on the couch next to fireplace and tried to turn around to shut the windows blinds properly, so sight of thunders wouldn’t distraught Bob again, but Bob grabbed him by his sleeve to stop him from moving away. He still was scared.
’I will be right back’ John said while sliding off one of Bob headphone ’So don’t worry’ John smiled at him apologetically. Bob breathed out slightly and nodded, letting go of John sleeve.
Before John went away he kissed Bob forehead gently and stroked his cheek. He did it without thinking and only when Bob looked at him surprised he realized what he just did. He was mortified for a second because of his own boldness, but Bob wasn’t mad. He didn’t push him away or yell at him. He just smiled at John tenderly while his gaze soften. John smiled back, relieved that he didn’t cause any harm by his recklessness.
’Right back’ John said softly but even though Bob still couldn't hear him he was sure he understood him.
After that John quickly got to fixing blinds, getting more wood for fire and finding some blanket for Bob. Making tea was also a good idea, so he prepered two mugs for them.
Bob was sitting curled on the sofa, holding his arms around his knees and watching fire. Headphones still perfectly intact on his head. He glanced up when John aproached him with two mugs of tea in his hands, that he then put down on the small coffee table next to sofa. Bob was watching him closely, as if he was afraid that if he blink John would dissapear again. His gaze fallowed John moves as he grabbed blanket laying on the chair close to them and then wrapped it tightly around Bobs arms. Bob didn’t move, but he certainly wasn’t frozen like before. He let John do it.
He let John take care of him.
’Now you won’t get sick’ John said while pulling his hands away and taking his place next to Bob on the sofa. He knew Bob didn’t hear him but he felt weird not saying anything. He glanced at Bob and their eyes meet. Bob looked exhausted, his eyes were red from crying and his lips were turned upside down. He looked awfully sad.
John couldn't stomach this look, not after Bob smile just moment before.
’Bobby don’t look at me like that’ he pleaded. ’Come on, come here’ he opened his arms as invitation and Bob immediately fallen into his embrace, as if before he didn’t knew he was allowed to do that. John hugged him tightly as Bob let another small cry. It made John tear up as well. Seeing Bob like that and being unable to do anything about it brought him heartache. All he could do was sit there with him and wait for strom to end.
Bob fallen asleep. It took Bob an hour to fully calm himself down, and when he did he was out like that, exhausted from all the emotional turmoil. He was still in John embrace, resting his head on John chest, clutching blanket close to him and sitting almost on John lap. His breath was slow and even on John chest. It was calming to have him so close.
Weather had to get stable again because storm was no where to be heard of. Only light sound of rain remained. When John was sure thunders were gone for good, he gently tried to move off headphones from Bob head because he heard somewhere it was dangerous to leave them on for to long while sleeping. He didn’t know how much truth was in that but he didn’t feel like gambling with Bob health. Unfortunately unexpected touch woken Bob up. He flutter his eyes open and glanced at John.
’Something happened?’
’I’m sorry, I didn't mean to wake you up. I just wanted to take off your headphones’ John felt guilty.
’It's okay’ he looked around to be meet with the fire slowly dying in fireplace ’Did I sleep long?’
’No actually, like an hour maybe?’ he said apologetic, still mad at himself for waking poor Bob up ’But it’s late. We should head to sleep anyway’
’Alright’ Bob nodded and fell silent for a moment. Then he added a bit anxious.
’John?’
’Yeah?’
’Can I sleep in your room?’ His ask was small, uncertain as if he fear John wouldn't agree.
’Of course, we can share my bed’ John smiled lovingly at Bob.
’Thank you’ Bob smiled at him back with relief evident on his face ’Thunderbolt scared of thunders, ironic isn’t it?’
’Still better than being knock off avenger’
’You’re right’ Bob chuckled to himself ’But like really thank you. For everything’
’Bob can I ask you for something?’ John asked with concern.
’Yea?’ Bob asked warily.
’If something like that happen again, tell me okay? I don’t want you to be alone with this’
’But…’
’Bob I mean it. If anything happen come to me. Day or night, I don’t care’
’I… I wanted to come to you’ Bob rested his head back on John chest ’I really did’ he closed his eyes as if he was bracing for something ’I didn’t know it would happen so quickly. I freaked out. It got dark. And I lost my phone. I really wanted to call you, I really did’ Bob was distraught ’But then I just couldn’t move. Not until you found me’
’Hey it’s fine. I’m sorry I wasn't there earlier, if I knew I wouldn't wait so long’
’I wanted to tell you, today on the beach actually. When I threw the ball at you’
’So you did on purpose? Bastard’ John said lightheartedly.
’I know, I’m sorry! I run out of ideas! And then I tried before we went back here, but didn't found the courage again’ he sighed disappointed in himself ’but it’s not relevant now, the thing is, I knew the storm might be coming, and when Yelena learned that, she wanted to ditch her plans with Ava, because she knew how much storms scare me but I convinced her not to. I didn’t wanted rest of team to know because they worry about me enough without this knowledge’ he paused for a bit and added quietly ’And I thought I will stay with you’ he glanced at him ’I wanted to stay with you’
John was so moved by his words he didn’t know what to say. It meant a lot to him to be trusted by Bob. He gave Bob a tender smile and gather him into his embrace, hugging him tightly. Bob lingered close to him, hugging John around his waist, leaning on his neck. There were sense of longing in that hug. As if they were communicating something they weren’t able to with words. As if both of them craved that kind of connection. Being seen by one another. Earlier with company of waves slowly hitting the shore, and now in front of dying out fire.
’I'm sorry we weren't able to read the next chapter’ Bob said softly.
’It’s alright, we can do it another day’ John said gently and then added a bit unsure ’If you still want to read it for me, that is’
Bob just smiled at him with the warm grin ’I would like to read it for you. And if you find other books you would like to read you can tell me so we could read them together as well, what do you think?’
’I would love that, actually’
’Then that’s a deal’