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Dick was twenty-three when he stood at the altar and watched the love of his life marry someone else.
He wasn’t supposed to look like this. His back straight and his lips pulled into a well-trained smile, laughter caught in the back of his throat. He was supposed to be happy. The world expected the best man to be beaming. To radiate pride for his friend. But all Dick could think about was how he didn’t want to be Wally’s best man. He wanted to be his groom.
The crowd rose when Artemis began her walk down the aisle. Wally’s true fiancee. Applause, sniffles and hushed awe of a hundred strangers filled the room. Dick’s chest tightened. It felt like a knife slipping clean between his ribs, turning with every step she took closer to Wally.
He tried to focus on the rhythm of his breathing, the way Bruce taught him long ago to survive suffocating galas. Mask on. Chip up. No one can see behind the smile.
But it was different now. This wasn’t just another gala. This was the end of something Dick had never been brave enough to claim.
_____________________
Dick was eleven when he first met Wally.
Flash had asked for help. He claimed he needed ‘The World’s Greatest Detective’ to find the rogue that has been causing problems in Central City. The original plan was for just Batman to go alone. Robin was going to stay behind in the cave.
That was until Flash told them he had a sidekick who wanted to meet them. Both of them. Dick had begged Bruce to let him go. To meet someone who was doing this job at a similar age to him. To make a real friend.
Dick had friends. He had plenty of friends he made through school and clubs he joined. It wasn’t the same. He couldn’t tell them about how Bruce benched him from patrol. He couldn’t tell them about how he saved a whole building of people from Firefly.
They only knew him as Dick Grayson. Former Flying Grayson. An Arcobrat. Circus Freak. Ward to the Richest man in Gotham. They only knew the mask that was called Dick Grayson.
Robin is who he truly is. Where he doesn’t have to worry about pleasing old rich people at galas. He doesn’t have to worry about behaving for the press. As Robin he can be himself. As Robin he can truly fly free.
So yes. He begged Bruce to take him with him so he could meet Flash’s sidekick.
He was now on a rooftop in Central City with Batman waiting for Flash and his sidekick. He bounced around the rooftop switching between doing cartwheels and walking on his hands.
They were late. He could tell Bruce was getting annoyed as the seconds ticked passed their designating meeting time. He was surprised Bruce had decided to wait so long.
A strong gust of wind ruffled his hair and blew his cape back violently. He dropped down from the handstand he was doing to see two figures in bright colors on the other side of the roof.
“You’re late.” Batman grunted out. Flash gave him an apologetic smile. “Yea. You think I could get somewhere on time with my speed.”
“Hn” Robin’s attention was drawn away from the two older heroes as the yellow themed speedster bounded over to greet him.
“Hi!” The speedster held out his hand. “I’m Kid Flash. You must be Robin. I mean of course you’re Robin. Everyone knows who you are. The very first sidekick, likethatssocoolandyouinspiredm—” Robin slapped his hand over Kid Flash’s mouth to stop him.
“Slow down.” He said with a laugh. “Has anyone ever told you to talk too fast?”
Kid Flash’s face turned into a bright red. He rubbed the back of his neck. “Sorry. Speedster tongue” Robin grabbed the hand that Kid Flash was still awkwardly holding out for him to shake. “Nice to meet ya KF”
Kid Flash turned his head to the side slightly. “KF?” Robin nodded. “Yep. It’s short for Kid Flash. Is that fine?”
Kid Flash beamed at the nickname and nodded his head vigorously. Kid Flash and Robin spent the rest of the night talking. They talked about everything. School, patrols, food, anything that came to their minds.
By the end of the night, Robin knew Kid Flash better than any of his current friends. They sat on the edge of the rooftop as Batman and Flash went over a debrief. Robin looked over the city, watching as people in their cars began to head home for the night.
Central City was so different compared to Gotham. There wasn’t a constant fog and instead the sun shone brightly. It was the first time Dick had seen the sun so much sense he began to live in Gotham. Even the air felt lighter in his lungs. Kid Flash turned to face Robin. “I guess you’ll be leaving soon” Robin turned to meet Kid Flash’s eyes. His once bright green eyes now held sadness. Robin frowned. (He didn’t like that look). He turned his head towards his mentor who was still distracted by the Flash. Robin tapped his fingers against his leg as he debated his options.
Fuck it.
He grabbed a notepad out of his utility belt and hurriedly wrote out a set of numbers. Glancing at his mentor again to make sure he wasn’t watching him, he handed the piece of paper to Kid Flash. Kid Flash looked at him with wide eyes. “Are you sure? I know you said Batman is super strict.”
Robin grinned wickedly at him. “Well Batman’s going to have to learn that he can’t dictate who I become friends with.” He bumped Kid Flash’s shoulders. “Just don't go telling everyone Kid Mouth”
“Hey!” Robin cackled at Kid Flash’s protest. He stood up and got ready to leave with Batman “See ya KF”
“Wally” Robin turned towards Kid Flash with wide eyes. Did he just… Robin’s shocked expression turned to one of genuine joy.
“Okay. See ya Wally”
Dick was eleveen when he found his best friend.
_____________________
“Do you, Wally West, take—”
The officiant’s voice broke into Dick’s head. He blinked and realized his hands were clenched so tightly around the ring box that his knuckles were bone white and his nails bit crescents into his palm.
He swallowed the bile clawing up his throat. (He refused to ruin this for Wally). He wanted to scream. He wanted to tell everyone here that this wasn’t right. That Wally was supposed to be his, that they had been bound together from the moment Wally looked at him on that rooftop and introduced himself.
But the words caught, strangled by duty and fear. This was Wally’s and Artemis’ moment. Not his.
The officiant’s voice drone on, but Dick caught fragments: love, honor, sickness, health, until death do us part. Each word was another nail in the coffin of something he’d carried since he was thirteen.
He glanced at Artemis. She looked beautiful. Confident, sure of herself, golden in the soft light filtering through the stained-glass windows. She looked at Wally the way Dick had always wanted someone to look at him, with certainty, with devotion.
And Wally… He was glowing. Nervous in the way he always was, tapping his foot even as he smiled, but happy. Radiant in a way Dick couldn't take away from him, no matter how much he wanted to.
He remembered Wally’s laugh echoing across rooftops, remembered late-night phone calls that lasted until sunrise, remembered missions where they’d bled together, bruised together, held each other up when the world collapsed around them. And now, he was supposed to hand him off.
Like a lamb to the slaughter.
When the vows came, Dick’s lungs burned. He focused on standing still, on not shaking as Wally slid the ring onto Artemis’ hand. A hundred faces blurred in the crowd, but all Dick saw was the freckles on Wally’s cheeks, the way his lips quirked up like this was the easiest promise he’d ever made.
Wally grinned. That blinding, easy grin that always undid Dick. “I do”
Dick wanted to run. He wanted to throw himself between them and say stop, don’t you see, it was always supposed to be us.
But he stayed. He smiled. He stood still, the perfect best man.
The blade slid deeper.
_____________________
Dick was thirteen when he realized he was in love.
It had happened all of a sudden. The mission had gone south, like most of them did. Superboy had blown their cover and Dick had found himself pinned down under fire. He was trapped. There was no way out without risking getting hit by a speeding bullet.
A gust of wind and a familiar sound of lightning cackle broke through the loud bangs of guns. Wally. A smile broke across his face as the red head came into view. A gloved hand was held out towards him. “Let’s ditch this place bird boy”
He grabbed Wally’s hand with a roll of his eyes that was hidden behind his domino mask. Within a few seconds he was out of the warehouse with the rest of his team. Kaldur stepped forward after making sure the two weren’t too injured. “Robin, did you get what we came for?”
Robin gave a victorious grin as he held out a flash drive. “Was there any doubt?” Wally jumped on him with a cheer.
“That’s my Boy Wonder for ya!”Robin bowed his head as he felt his face rise with heat. He looked up at Wally shyly. (What has gotten into him). Dick felt his lungs collapse under the weight of something nameless. Wally’s eyes were green and fierce and good and filled with pride. Just for him. His hands were still warm from carrying him and Dick had finally realized how close their bodies were pressed together.
That night, staring at the ceiling of Mount Justice, Dick understood the feeling he had felt earlier. He took in a shaky breath as he admitted the revelation to himself. He was in love with Wally West.
Dick was thirteen when he fell in love with his best friend.
_____________________
The ceremony blurred into noise. Applause thundered as the couple kissed. Dick forced his lips into another smile. His vision tunneled, the walls pressing closer.
He was the best man. He had to play his part.
Like he always did.
He would fake it. After all, he was a performer.
_____________________
Dick was sixteen when his heart was broken for the first time.
It was late. They were lying on the grass outside the mountain, staring at the stars that looked too far away to touch. Wally had been rambling about college applications and food and how Artemis had kissed him once but it was “no big deal, really”
Dick had wanted to scream. To throw up. To cry. To show some sort of grief and anguish and the realization that he would never get with his best friend. That Wally West was as straight as they can be and forever will flirt with every girl he sees.
Dick wanted to grab him by the shoulders and shake him until Wally realized. Until he knew about his feelings for the ginger. Dick wanted to tell him between kisses. To let their breath dance together in the night. He wanted to hold his hand as he told the whole world that Wally West was his boyfriend.
Instead, Dick laughed it off and punched him in the arm. “You’re such an idiot, KF”
Because saying anything else would’ve ruined everything.
Dick was sixteen when Wally broke his heart.
_____________________
The toast was the hardest.
Dick clinked his glass, and the room fell quiet. He wrote the speech a dozen times, then ripped it up, then wrote it again. He practiced in the mirror until his smile no longer looked forced. In the end, he spoke without looking at the notecards.
“Wally West has been my best friend since I was eleven years old.” He began. His voice sounded steady, almost too steady, the way it did when he lied under interrogation. “Back then, I didn’t know what I was getting into. I just knew there was this guy in yellow who talked way too fast and ate more than humanly possible.” A ripple of laughter moved through the crowd.
“But in about five minutes, he became the most important person in my life.” Wally ducked his head, grinning.
“Wally’s the guy who’ll always show up. No matter how bad things get, no matter how impossible the odds. He’ll run through fire for you. He’s done it for me more times than I can count.” Dick’s throat caught, but he forced himself to continue. “And now, Artemis… you’ve got him running alongside you. And I know there's no better partner out there. The two of you… you deserve every bit of happiness coming your way.”
He raised his glass. “To Wally and Artemis.”
“To Wally and Artemis!” The crowd echoed.
Wally pulled him into a crushing hug after, his voice muffled against Dick’s shoulder. “God, man, you;re gonna make me cry.”
Too late, Dick thought.
Later, he even let Artemis drag him into a dance. She teased him about his two left feet, and he teased her back, mask fixed firmly in place. He laughed when he was supposed to, spun her when the song demanded it. And all the while, he counted the beats of Wally’s laugh across the room and swallowed the sorrow of losing something that was never his.
_____________________
Dick was eighteen when he realized he might lose Wally for good.
They were sprawled across Wally’s bed in Central City, textbooks abandoned in a pile, a half-eaten pizza on the floor. The night was lazy, warm and ordinary. So painfully ordinary that Dick almost convinced himself he could stay like this forever.
Then Wally broke that hope in half.
“I think I’m gonna retire. Artemis and I… we’ve been talking. About college, about a real future outside this.” He gestured towards the room. Dick swallowed the thought that he was gesturing towards him. “She’s amazing, man. I think she’s it for me.”
Dick froze, a slice halfway to his mouth. “Retire? Like for good?”
“Yeah.” Wally’s grin was soft, steadier than Dick had ever seen it. He was being serious. About leaving the cape and suit behind. About leaving Dick. “We’ve been at this since we were kids. I think maybe it’s time to just… be normal, you know? With her. Finally settle. She’s the one Dick.” Wally turned to lock eyes with him.
“I want to spend the rest of my life with her, Dick. And being a hero, I worry I’m going to lose her too soon.” The words slammed into Dick harder than any punch he received. His chest hollowed out, his pulse hammering in his ears. He forced a laugh, aiming for teasing. “Wow, KF is actually trading the mask for textbooks and white picket fences? What’s next, a minivan?”
Wally shoved him with his shoulder, still smiling. “Shut up. I’m serious this time.”
Dick laughed again, too high and too sharp. He leaned back on the bed, staring at the ceiling so Wally wouldn’t see the tears begin to form in his eyes.
“Hey,” Wally said after a moment, softer. “You’d tell me if this was stupid, right?”
Dick swallowed hard. Every cell in his body screamed to tell him. To tell him how in love Dick was with him. Tell him he doesn’t need anyone else but him. Instead he smiled. That practiced, perfect mask. “Is this what you really want?”
Wally smiled softly as he nodded. Dick returned the smile, more bittersweet than it was a moment ago. “Then no. If she makes you happy… then I’m happy for you.”
And Wally beamed, content with the answer, never noticing the way Dick’s hands curled into fists in the sheets.
That night, lying awake on the floor beside Wally’s bed, Dick stared into the dark and realized something terrifying.
He wasn’t just in love.
Dick was eighteen when he realized he was too late.
_____________________
The night air hit him like a slap when he finally slipped outside.
It was cooler here, the music muffled behind walls and glass. He leaned against the brick, tugging at his tie until it hung loose around his neck. His chest heaved, each breath too shallow.
Years of training told him to control it. To inhale for four, hold for four, exhale for eight. But his body refused to listen. His hands trembled, His stomach turned. He pressed his forehead against the cold wall, tuxedo jacket reading and he finally let his mask crumble.
“I’m sorry,” He whispered, voice raw. “I’m sorry I never told you. I’m sorry I let her have you. I’m sorry I wasn’t enough.”
The words tumbled out, ragged and uneven. He didn’t even know who he was talking to anymore. Wally? The stars above him? Himself? Nobody? Who was he begging to? What did he expect to happen? For Wally to hear him and change his mind about marrying Artemis?
“Please forgive me” he choked. “Forgive me for not being brave. For letting you go. For standing up there and smiling like it didn’t kill me”
His legs gave out, and he slid down until he was crouched on the pavement, hands tangled in his hair. His shoulders shook with every breath, sobs wracking through the walls he’d built since he was eight years old.
The empty ring box was still in his pocket, sharp against his thigh. A cruel reminder of what he lost today and the role he played in it. The boy who was trusted to guard the symbols of someone else’s love.
And for once. Dick didn’t fight the breakdown. Didn’t try to breathe through it, didn’t try to pull himself together. He let the grief swallow him whole, because there was nothing left to lose.
Dick was twenty-three when he watched Wally walk into a life that didn’t have room for him.