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“You have a weakness. You love yourself.”
Hanya Qi was right. If there was one person that Shangguan Qian loves, it is herself. After the annihilation of the Gushan Sect, there was no longer any living being that she considers to be as important to her. She had always assumed that her heart was so filled with remorse and vengeance that there would not be any room for pure affection. After all, she was convinced whatever feelings she had over Gong Shangjue was just situational. Forced in close proximity and excessive amount of time spent with each other does that to a person. That and her mission.
The mission that brought all of this. Her mission to attain the Infinite Heat, her mission to gain Gong Shangjue’s trust. The mission that was supposed to give her enough ammunition to off Dianzhu once and for all and put an end to the blood vengeance. Unfortunately, Shangguan Qian would have to admit that she did underestimate the Gong family. She thought the animosity between Gong Shangjue and Gong Ziyu was more than enough but for some reason they ended up working together.
Wufeng’s ambush was a massive failure which was advantageous for her, yet Dianzhu’s absence from the operation means that she is still alive and would still be waiting for Shangguan Qian to complete her mission. During her last confrontation with Gong Shangjue, she was too good at slight of hands to not notice that Gong Shangjue had swiped the blueprint away. But he had already lost something that day. They both did.
After her escape from the Gong residence, there was no way she could ever return back to Wufeng. Not then. Not when she was very vulnerable. Not when she was pregnant. Although Dianzhu might have some faith in her, but there was no way she would ever let Dianzhu know that she was carrying a child. Either she’d be asked to terminate it or worse, her child being taken into Wufeng. No.
Hanya Qi had said that she only loves herself. Well, her child is part of her. How can she not love the unborn child? It’s hers.
So that was the reason she decided to return back to Gushan. To her home. Selling off the extravagant pink hanfu to a merchant who offers a significant amount that was used for her travels and once she has stepped back in Gushan with her very significantly protruding belly, she immediately went back to the ruins of her sect. Seeking lodging at an inn was impossible. Wufeng might be on the lookout for her still, even with the dwindling numbers Shangguan Qian knows that Dianzhu is nothing but persistent. The Gong family was one more issue. It was hard enough to try to keep her tracks clean, but evading them was another matter. Their networks were too vast, too intricate in the outside world. There was no one she could trust. No one aside herself.
Settling in Gushan was risky. Both Wufeng and Gong knew of her connections to the place but she had decided. No matter what happens, her child would be born on the soil that she was born on and on the lands that she was raised on. The small hut that was barely holding on, tucked into the bamboo woods far behind the old Shangguan mansion. It was a tough couple of days trying to put the place together. Providing shelter and security to her and her unborn child.
Somehow, the next few months passed by with no major incidents. She was secluded enough but still mingled with the locals just to not raise any suspicions. Whenever the Gong family guards came a bit too close for comfort, she seeks aid and shelter amongst the local apothecary who were kind enough not to question her actions as they only see a young and vulnerable pregnant women seeking shelter from her pursues. Her crafted story alongside her gift of easily evoking tears were more than enough to convince them to shelter her. It was only by a stroke of luck that Wufeng too was nowhere close to sniff out where she was at. Maybe it was due to the lack of manpower. After all, a few months after the Gong residence incidence, Gong Ziyu had announced to the entire Jianghu that the Fortnight Flies were harmless medicines. It comes with pain for the first fortnight, but it will dissipate in given time without the need to seek any antidotes.
When she first heard of it, Shangguan Qian scoffed. It should have been expected. Wufeng was nothing but a manipulative organization after all. But it was fortunate enough for her to gain that knowledge. The original plan was just to bear with the pain and if it causes her to lose the child then so be it. Yet, now knowing there was a chance for her child to be born safely only made her to be more vigilant in making sure she remains on the down low. It was the best time to strike considering all but one the Wangs have perished. Most of the Chis and Meis would have defected now that it is commonly known that the Fortnight Flies were just blackmail material. It would take some time before Dianzhu would be able to pick up the pieces and build Wufeng back to their former glory and splendor. For now, she is safe. For now that is.
That was how her months of pregnancy passed by peacefully. The day of her labor was eventful enough. The local midwife was off to the neighboring village a few days prior and as much as Shangguan Qian has enough medical expertise under her belt, but it is still impossible to give birth on her own especially with a premature birth.
Thankfully, Shen Wan and her husband stopped by the city just in time to aid her. Judging from the guards and the finery, Shangguan Qian was able to conclude that there was more to the cover story of them being travelers who happens to pass by as they were on their way to Shunxi. Shen Wan was incredibly proficient in surgery and her skills were definitely even better than the Gushan sect’s medics. Yet, the best thing was she didn’t pry more than Shangguan Qian let on. The scars and her bruised internal injuries were not things that a young wife of a farmer who just passed away would have.
Shen Wan was simply focused on making sure that the labor was quick and easy for both the mother and child, and if she had doubts about Shangguan Qian’s identity, she did not show it as much. Her husband on the other hand, Yan Chi couldn’t seem to hide his suspicions and was very wary of her. Fortunately, after being chastised by his wife that he was in the way of the treatment, he relented and only then he left Shen Wan and her assistant, Fu Ling to do their work.
Shangguan Qian had thought that she was already good enough at suppressing pain, but childbirth was a different sensation that she had never experienced before. The feeling of having her skin being ripped open, even though she was highly sedated, was truly an experience that she refused to repeat. But after an excruciating number of hours, the wailing sounds from the baby somehow made the pain subsided. She was not even paying much attention to Shen Wan who was stitching her abdomen, but her eyes were glued to the one in Fu Ling’s hands. The baby was cleaned and wrapped in a blanket before she was handed back to Shangguan Qian.
Wufeng taught them to rip their humanity away. To not love anyone as so to not make themselves vulnerable. But the second she laid her eyes on the little baby, Shangguan Qian knew. Now there exists another that she would lay her life on. Her weakness. The sheer joy of having her daughter in her arms was only for a short while before the realization hits her.
It took a few days before Shen Wan and Yan Chi’s entourage decided to depart and continued on their journey. It was then that Shangguan Qian expressed her wishes.
“I wish to ask you for a favour from both of you, Your Highnesses.”
Yan Chi smirked. “So you knew who we are then Shangguan furen.”
“It’s hard not to. After all, the tales of Prince Rui and Princess Yongcing travelled far and wide in this part of the world after all.” she said coyly.
“What make you think you have anything that can be used to persuade us in completing your wishes? We barely knew each other Shangguan furen. And you haven’t been truthful enough about who you really are.” he said as he sipped on a cup of freshly brewed tea that Fu Ling has placed on the small table.
Shangguan Qian grunted a bit as she tried to get herself in a sitting position. “Furen, you really need to lie down more. Stop straining your body!” Fu Ling fussed. To this Shangguan Qian only smiled indicating it was okay.
“I have nothing of value than I can provide. That’s true.” she started. “I only wish that your highnesses would be kind enough to entertain a small favour from a humble mother.”
Shen Wan took a seat next to Shangguan Qian with a cup of medicine in her hands and signaled her to drink it before she said. “So this request is in regards to your daughter then.” Shangguan Qian nodded.
“Your highness,” Shangguan Qian said as she looked straight at Yan Chi. “I believe you have heard of Wufeng before?” she asked in which he nodded.
“Those are the people that you are hiding from then?”
“One of them at least. But in regards to my daughter’s safety. Wufeng is the biggest threat. I want her to be safe. Safe from them. And the best way to do that is to send her away. I can’t have her with me. Not now.”
“You just had her furen. Are you sure?” Shen Wan asked. Although she was not well acquainted with the young mother, but she was the attending doctor for the birth. She had seen the look of affection and love reflected in Shangguan Qian’s eyes and it was not the look of a mother who would want to have her child taken away from her so quickly.
“We can’t stay here any longer. I have to complete what I have intended to do all these times. Or she would not be safe. Ever.” Shangguan Qian did not explain more on what she meant by that and Shen Wan knew better than to pry. So, she nodded. Regardless of what the favour was, it was a request from a mother that wishes for her child to be safe. She couldn’t possibly say no to that.
Yan Chi who had been watching all this time, took notice of his wife’s agreement. And he is not one to say no to his wife. “What is the request then furen?”
“I need your help to bring her to the safest place that she could ever be. Where she would be protected and cared for. To the place where even Wufeng could not lay hands on her so easily. To the Gong family residence. I need you to bring her to her father. Gong Shangjue.”
Gong Shangjue was attending to the reports of the latest patrols and security details of the manor when Gong Yanzhi burst open the doors to his studies, eyes filled with both disbelief and panic. Instantly Gong Shangjue stiffened. What could possibly alarmed his brother so?
“Ge! You need to come quick!”
“What is it didi?”
Gong Yuanzhi suddenly seemed as if he was at lost for words, but he was glancing at the potted azaleas that were perched on Gong Shangjue’s table. “Just, come quickly to the hall ge.” He noticed the glances that Gong Yuanzhi took. Eyes widened. It can’t be.
“Shangguan Qian.”
Gong Ziyu, the elders and Gong Zishang were already there when Gong Shangjue and Gong Yuanzhi stepped into the hall. Gong Yuanzhi did not say anything when they rushed there, and his head was already spinning with the possibility of Shangguan Qian’s return. Fury, resentment, and also slight longing were also present when he thought of her. It is really possible? Dianzhu is still alive. Would she really have returned back here?
But, instead of Shangguan Qian’s figure in the hall, Gong Shangjue instead see 2 unfamiliar figures seating in the guest seat. Guests? The family has never allowed guests in so easily as this. Not without his approval. What is going on?
“Sword Wielder. Elders. Zishang-jie.”
“Gong Shangjue. Prince Rui and Princess Yongcing are here for you.” Gong Ziyu said calmly.
Gong Shangjue was familiar enough with the two titles. But why would the two step foot into the Gong manor? Yet, he greeted the two of them properly as propriety dictates. Yet, confusion was etched all over his face.
“No need for such formalities Gong Shangjue gongzi. My wife and I are only here to complete a favour.” Yan Chi said and he signaled to Shen Wan.
It was then that Gong Shangjue realized the woman was holding a little baby in her arms who was sleeping soundly with no care in the world. Shen Wan said nothing else as she rose from her seat, walked to Gong Shangjue. Then she softly handed the baby to Gong Shangjue who was confused yet reached out for the baby anyway. The scent of azaleas seems to envelop his nostrils as Shen Wan brought the baby close. The second he saw the baby, he was stunned.
“Her mother asked for our help to deliver her to you. She said that the father would be able to keep her daughter safe which she cannot do.” Shen Wan said as she looks fondly over the little baby.
“She also said to give this to you. In case you doubt her identity.” Yan Chi said as he gave the white jade pendant to Gong Shangjue. The white jade pendant inscribed with the word ‘Jue’ was not unfamiliar to him. It was his after all. It has however changed ownership over the last year. To receive it back in his hands was not something that pleases him as much.
“Shangguan Qian had said that you might want the baby to take the Gong surname, but she asked that you allow her to keep the name that she had chosen. Xinjue.
Xinjue (心珏) – Heart + Jade, (implies precious, beloved daughter)
“Why?” why is she here? Where is Shangguan Qian? Why did she entrust her daughter to a couple of strangers? Why did the said strangers willingly help? What do they get out of this?
Shen Wan has always been good at reading people after all. So, to the questions both verbalized and unsaid, she only answered. “Because the only remedy to a woman’s scorn is to aid her in her vengeance.”
Yan Chi and Shen Wan eventually left after the matter was done, quoting that they still have a long travel ahead and their retainers were probably already antsy since none of them were allowed in the Gong manor. Once the guests bid their farewell, only the members of the Gong family remained in the hall.
It was surreal to Gong Shangjue. Shangguan Qian did told him on that day that she was carrying the child of the Gong family. But, he was not a hundred percent sure on that claim. She was known to be very deceptive after all. And even if she was telling the truth, he had assumed that he would not have been able to hold the child in his arms. His child. He looked at the small girl that was wrapped tight and comfortably in a bundle. Sleeping snugly, not fussing at all. She was tiny. Too tiny. Shen Wan did mentioned that she was born prematurely but her health was in pristine shape.
Xinjue looked well content to be sleeping in her father’s arms. Not fussing the slightest regardless of the tension that surrounded the hall.
“What do you plan to do now Shangjue-ge?” Gong Ziyu asked.
“I’ll bring her back to the Jue linage manor. It will take some time for me to vet suitable nannies, so I will leave the patrol duties and safety details of the residence to Yuanzhi-didi for a few days.” Gong Shangjue looked over to his younger brother, asking for his assistance to his assistance in which the brother readily agreed.
“Are you sure this would be a good idea Gong Shangjue?” Elder Xue asked. “The mother is a Wufeng agent.”
“Regardless of where her mother’s loyalties lie, this child is a Gong. She’s my daughter and that’s that. She’ll be taking the Gong surname. That is my wish.” He said firmly. None of the people in the hall even attempted or even thought to voice out on the child’s legitimacy. How can they? The baby girl had inherited much of her father’s features that nobody can even question it.
Gong Ziyu sighed. “Alright then. You have made your decision, and I am not against it. Dismissed.”
She slept most of the day, only waking up whenever she needed her loincloth to be changed or when she was hungry. After her demands were met, she went back to her slumber. It was during the time when he was changing her that he took notice of the small, scented pouch that was tucked along the blanket.
Azaleas.
“It seems that your mother really picked a befitting name for you Xinjue.” Gong Shangjue would not dare to say that he fully understood Shangguan Qian inside out. Because he didn’t. He didn’t know how much of the real her that her really knew of during the time they spent together. There were times where he was able to see a glimpse of her true self. But most of the time, she wore a mask. He didn’t bother to point it out. After all, they both were too cautious of one another. Both were using each other as a tool towards their own goal.
Yet, that night when they finally parted ways, her tears, her words, he knew during that short amount of time, she was being genuine. So he was not that surprised to know that he now has a daughter. But he has always assumed that the child would return alongside her mother. Not like this.
“What are you planning Shangguan Qian.”
The Gong residence has changed significantly after the newest addition to the family. Gong Zishang visited almost daily alongside her husband, Jin Fan. The latter was a tad bit distant originally due to the animosity between him and Xinjue’s mother. However, the infant wormed her way into his heart eventually. She was an innocent baby after all. Even Gong Ziyu sometimes took time off from his Sword Wielder duties to come and stare at the sleeping infant. A distant sense of longing for someone who had vanished without a trace – a look that Gong Shangjue is very familiar with. But the one that was the most mesmerized by Xinjue was definitely her youngest uncle.
Gong Yuanzhi was originally very guarded and wary towards the little girl. Especially when she first opened her eyes. They were a perfect copy of her mother’s rich chocolate orbs. But regardless of that, he was enraptured by his niece the most. Whenever she has become unconsolable during one of her very frequent tantrums, he was the one that bounced her in his arms as he took her around the azalea beds. He was the first one who discovered that whenever Xinjue is restless, the scent of the flower combined with having people to hold her in their arms were enough to calm her down. He was also the one that would rush over from his clinic the second he heard that Xinjue was down with a fever. He was enamoured by the little girl. It was a surprise. He was never good with small kids. But somehow, even at such a young age Xinjue had him wrapped around her fingers. She is his ge’s daughter. How can he not love her?
Yet, he still has his concerns. “If she were to return one day… what would you do ge?” Gong Yuanzhi asked during one of the quiet nights once Xinjue was snoring peacefully in her father’s arms.
The question hanged heavily in the silence. Gong Yuanzhi knew not to prob further and only watched quietly as his brother etched crescent shaped scars in his own palm.
After parting ways from Shen Wan, Yan Chi and Xinjue, Shangguan Qian decided that it was time for her to do her part as well. The pain of childbirth has somewhat subsided after much care from Shen Wan and Fu Ling nursing her for the past few days. Yet it was nothing compared to the pain of having to willingly send her daughter away. Shangguan Qian had gone through much pain as she rose through the Wufeng ranks and being a Mei meant that she had suffered more than most and she can say that even those pains mean nothing as not having Xinjue in her arms.
But this is what she needed to do. Wufeng should and must never be allowed to lay their hands on Xinjue. Ever.
With that determination, she packed up and left the bamboo hut that had been her sanctuary for the past few months. It was time for her to confront Dianzhu. And put an end to Wufeng.
It wasn’t hard enough to track Dianzhu. They were hiding in an abandoned warehouse just a few miles from the Gong residence. Possibly assuming that being right under the enemy’s nose would make them invisible to the Gong family. That was one of the few things that Dianzhu had said once and Shangguan Qian was her closest disciple after all and she knows her master’s thought process. The most challenging thing was to make sure that the Wang that guarded Dianzhu around to clock to have lapse in judgement that would allow her to slip in her concoction for Dianzhu to consume.
The chance presents itself in the form of Yun Weishan and her twin sister. Maybe it was because they have worked together before, but both seems to form and understand the plans the other had in mind without the need for them to be discussed out loud or in detail. So, when Yun Weishan riled up the Wang and distracted him for a miniscule of a second, Gong Yuanzhi’s lethal poison’s recipe which Shangguan Qian had modified with the inclusion of Gushan’s recipe was added into Dianzhu’s tonic.
She was the least bit suspicious since her most trusted Wang was the one who presented the mixture to her. After a few hours, all hell break loose. Yun Weishan was holding her own against the Wang. He too was drugged by the same concoction as Dianzhu after all. But he was still putting up a fight yet preoccupied enough to not being able to guard Dianzhu.
It was when her master no longer has her obedient dog at her disposal and she herself was too weak to even fend herself that Shangguan Qian plunged her short blade into her former master’s neck without much resistance.
“That was for my family.”
Another stab right in the heart. “That was for taking me into Wufeng.”
The last stab was right in the head. “And that. Was for Lang-didi and Lan furen who were killed under your orders.”
Dianzhu never managed to say anything after Shangguan Qian had aimed and maimed after the vital spots. She stood no chance. After making sure that there was no pulse and there was zero chance of survival, Shangguan Qian rushed to help Yun Weishan’s side to aid her with the Wang.
Even with the high dosage of poison running through his veins, he was still a force to be reckoned with. Yun Weishan was putting up quite a fight, but she was quite battered and exhausted. Thankfully, the Gong family techniques that she had honed from her time with Gong Ziyu was indeed fruitful. The Wang was heaving. His swings have indeed weakened.
Seeing that Yun Weishan was slowly overcoming his attacks, he was trying to look for an opportunity to slip away. But Shangguan Qian was not going to allow that. With a leap, she jammed her blade into his right eye socket, twisting it before swiftly pulling the blade out and doing the same to his left eye. Yun Weishan seized the opportunity to slit his throat with her sword. Blood splattering everywhere as she plunged another thrust to his heart. After much struggle, the Wang fell. Leaving two very exhausted and battered assassins heaving and covered in blood.
“Jiejie,” Shangguan Qian started with a chuckle. “Fortunately, you still have it in you. I thought all those times with the Gong family has made you weak.”
Yun Weishan rolled her eyes at the sarcasm. “Well, you have outdone yourself too this time meimei.”
“It’s finally over.”
“Yes, it is.” Wufeng’s reign of terror is finally over. Their sufferings have now come to an end.
“You two idiots better get your ass up now and we need to leave! Now!” both eyes flashed to the other party whose face mirrors her mortification over the bloodbath yet annoyance and anger over the two dawdling seems to take charge instead.
Shangguan Qian looked from one porcelain face to the other. Exact copy of each other yet their temperance… “Your twin sister seems more spirited than you are, jiejie.”
Yun Weishan smiled. “She is. But she is also right. We should get out of here.” she said as she walked over to her sister’s side. Patting her softly on her arms. Her twin was still frazzled over the brutal scene she had to witness yet she was putting on a show on how collected she was. The tremble in her twins’ hand seems to calm down slightly after the assurance given.
“We might need to get a horse. We all don’t have much strength to go on foot any longer after all.” It was then that Yun Weishan took a good look at Shangguan Qian. The hideout was dark enough that she had never realised her companion’s condition. She was deadly pale. And she kept holding her abdomen. Yun Weishan had only assumed that the blood trail when Shangguan Qian was walking around was Dianzhu’s and the Wang’s. It was only after a clear mind and good look that she can finally piece it together.
Her wounds from when she had Xinjue had reopened. “Shangguan Qian!” was the last sentence she heard and the two Yun sisters rushing to her was the last thing she remembered before Shangguan Qian herself fell to the floor.
Everything went by in a blur and glimpses after that. She lost and regained her consciousness time and time again. The only thing that was most distinct aside from the excruciating pain of her body was her longing for her Xinjue.
“Grab the reins! We need to go now!” Yun Weishan screamed to her sister.
Out.
“… I’m the Sword Wielder’s wife! Let us pass now!”
Out.
“…Go and get Gong Yuanzhi!”
Out.
“…Why is she bleeding so much?” Yuanzhi-didi.
Out.
“What is the meaning of this?” Gong Shangjue. And there was a small cry. A cry that Shangguan Qian was very familiar with.
“My… Xinxin.”
Out.
“… an idiot who strained their body right after childbirth!”
Out.
“I’ve sewed them up for now, we’ll just see…”
Out.
“Make sure to feed her the mixture…” the pain in her abdomen has subsided significantly but she was still very much exhausted.
Out.
There were hands that was softly lifting her head, aiding her in taking her medicine.
Out.
She was shivering cold, teeth rattling before she felt a warm blanket enveloped her.
Out.
“She lost a lot of blood, and her body was exhausted beyond means…Ge…”
Out.
A sound of cackling. An infant’s cackle. It sounds like soft bells chiming.
Out.
For the first time after a very long time, Shangguan Qian finally was able to open her eyes. Finally, fully conscious of her surroundings. The scent of incense and herbs filled her airways. She turned her head to the side. Her eyes meeting a pair of deep, sharp black eyes staring straight at her. Her throat was parched. Without a word, he slowly lifted her head, brought the cup of water to her lips. He repeated the actions multiple times until she finally shook her head indicating she had her fill. He put her head down on the pillow gently before he got up and went out.
It didn’t take long before she sees Gong Yuanzhi rushing in, looking frazzled, checking her pulse for a quick second and when he was satisfied, he too got up and left. Still without a word.
Yun Weishan then came in with a bowl of soup in hand. Wordlessly, she spooned the soup little by little to Shangguan Qian’s mouth. After she was done, without the need to even ask, Yun Weishan began to explain.
“We got you back to the Gong residence. Gong Yuanzhi stitched your abdomen up again. You teared through the previous stitch. The immense trauma inflicted on your body was very severe that Elder Yue himself had to come and provide treatment. After he was done, he said that your body desperately needed rest to recover. You’ve been out cold for almost 2 weeks straight.”
Shangguan Qian nodded taking in the information. But there was still one thing that she has yet to get a clearer picture of. “My Xinjue…” Yun Weishan smiled. “She’s fine. She’ll be here soon. He had said that you might wanted to see her as soon as you gain consciousness.”
There were additional footsteps coming into the room right after. There, in the strong hands of her father was Xinjue. She was screaming bloody murder. Wordlessly, Gong Shangjue placed the infant right next to Shangguan Qian. The second he did so, Xinjue instantly ceased her screams.
Shangguan Qian smiled weakly, her eyes red as she snuggled into the infant. “My Xinjue…” probably because she too recognised the familiar presence of her mother, the little infant chuckled happily as she reached out her little palms to touch her mother’s face.
Completely entranced in each other’s presence, the mother and daughter were oblivious to the other people who were watching them. This continued for a few minutes before Gong Shangjue picked up his daughter back into his arms. “You need to rest. She’ll be here the next time you are awake.”
Shangguan Qian sees there was no reason to argue. And her body is still exhausted that the next second she was already out like a light.
Since that moment, a daily routine was established. When she wakes up, Gong Shangjue would be there to offer her drinks, then Yun Weishan would come in with her meal and sometimes would help her washing up. After that, Gong Yuanzhi would enter with her medicine, and finally the most awaited one is when Gong Shangjue enters the room again with Xinjue in his arms. She would snuggle, basking in her scent, enjoying her small palms stamping her face before she goes back to sleep.
It took a while but after almost a week, Shangguan Qian had finally gained back much of her strength that she could now stay awake most of the time. She tried to sit up on her own once but that was only met with Gong Yuanzhi scolding her. “You idiotic woman! Do you want your stiches to open up again?”
It was at the end of the usual cycle of the daily routine that she finally said to Gong Shangjue. “I believe we need to talk, Shangjue-gongzi.” He stiffly nodded and said that he would return after putting Xinjue to bed. When he returned, Shangguan Qian was already sitting up.
He frowned. “Yuanzhi-didi warned you to stay on your back and not to risk the stitches from opening up.”
To this she chuckled softly. “Yuanzhi-didi is being ridiculous. My body can handle this much.”
“Even so, no. I would prefer it if you would adhere to the doctor’s orders.” Gong Shangjue still insisted. However, he seems to forget that the on in front of him was not the same Shangguan Qian he had known. The former would have heeded his words, seeking only to please him. The current one has no need for it.
With her back straight, she stared at Gong Shanjue. “Dianzhu is dead.” Yes, Yun Weishan had mentioned that when the trio had first arrived. It seems she had fulfilled her revenge after all. But what’s next?
“Where are you planning to go?” Shangguan Qian smiled. He asked her the same thing that night. By right, she should return the favour should she not?
But before she could, “I have not said that I would discard you.” Gong Shangjue beat her to it. Startling her with his word choices.
“I am from Wufeng gongzi.”
“And Wufeng no longer exists. Remind me of I am wrong, but I thought you’ve said before that your loyalty lies with Gushan Shangguan. Not with Wufeng.”
Shangguan Qian snickered. “So you remembered everything from that night did you? Well, now that both Wufeng is gone, and my family avenged. My loyalties lie nowhere.”
“Not even Xinjue?”
The question stunned Shangguan Qian. They only stared straight in each other’s eyes.
“What do you want from me Gong Shangjue-gongzi? To lock me up in the dungeons for me to pay after what I have done before? To break my hands? Or you would let Gong Yuanzhi feed me his range of poisons? Take your pick. I am at the Gong family’s mercy after all.” Her sarcastic tone seeping through.
Gong Shangjue knew that her demeanours would no longer be the same as the one he was used to, but the sarcasm that seeps through indeed caught him by surprise.
“Xinjue is a Gong. She cannot be let out of the residence.”
“Gong Shangjue!” Shangguan Qian snapped. “Xinjue is my daughter as much she is yours. She has my Shangguan blood coursing through her veins! You have no right to take her away from me!”
“It’s getting late. You should rest.” The man stood up and began to leave.
“Gong Shangjue! We are done here! Gong Shangjue!” she was already about to get up from her bed to go after then when Gong Yuanzhi rushed in holding her back.
“Are you crazy? Your wounds might reopen if your get up now!”
“Let me go now!”
“You idiotic woman! Did you not listen properly to what ge said? Xinjue cannot be taken out of the residence, but he never said that you are not allowed out! And never once he ever said that you are barred from coming in!”
“What?”
“My ge is giving you a way out if you want it. You also have a place here. Ge made sure of that when you first arrived. He had convinced the Sword Wielder and the elders to grant you clemency. Yun Weishan also backed you up. Strictly speaking, you are no longer considered a criminal by the family.”
Silence.
“I honestly don’t know what ge sees in you. You’re not that pretty and you are not even good at housework.” he grunted.
It was a small effort of his to get a rise from her. His method of trying to lighten the mood. Though it seems much like a little child throwing a tantrum. Shanggun Qian smiled. “You wouldn’t understand Yuanzhi-didi. You, do not have much experience with woman. And, you are not married after all.”
Gong Yuanzhi rolled her eyes. His ge mentioned in passing that Shangguan Qian’s demeanour had slightly changed. Yes, he would admit that it has changed. She was no longer timid as she used to be. But the sharp tongue and the back-and-forth banter? It seems that was the real part of her after all. In Gong Yuanzhi’s eyes, she did not change as much. She was still the irritable woman that his brother was fond of.
The following days went on without much incident. The only change in the routine was Gong Shangjue no longer comes by for anything. In his place, it was either a servant that would assist her in the morning and either the nanny or Gong Yuanzhi would be in the evening taking Xinjue to her. Most of the Gong family members rarely comes aside from Yun Weishan and Shangguan Qian liked that much better. She did betray the family and caused them irreparable damage during the Wufeng assault. The fact that she was still granted clemency shows they were trying to tolerate her possibly due to both Xinjue and her father, and that was enough. She wouldn’t be staying long here after all.
“Your wounds are healing nicely. You should take a walk around the perimeter sometimes to stretch those muscles out.” Gong Yuanzhi said after he finished examining her and drafting a new prescription for her. Shangguan Qian nodded.
“Yuanzhi-didi. Can you get your brother here? We need to talk.” Gong Yuanzhi paused whilst mixing in the herbs for her medicine, but he nodded in the end. Satisfied, Shangguan Qian got up for her walk.
She was tending to one of the Azaleas beds when Gong Shangjue arrived.
“You shouldn’t be crouching for so long.” Shangguan Qian smiled.
“This much is fine.”
“No, it is not.” he is really stubborn when he wants to.
“Fine. Then I’ll just sit then.” Gong Shangjue might be stubborn and wilful but so is she and she is determined to win this time. He was surprised. This was yet another side of her that he had never known before. Without any word, he took a seat on the floor right next to her too. Both of them staring straight at the bed of Azaleas.
“I’m leaving.”
“Hmn.”
“But I still wish to come back here once in a while. Would you allow it?” Gong Shangjue said nothing in response, but he held out a familiar token to her.
“This is yours. It should be with its owner.”
“…” Shangguan Qian only stared at the jade token in her hands. The familiar coolness of the jade nestling familiarly in her right palm.
“It should grant you permission to enter and exits the residence as you please. The guards are already aware of it. And this…” he held out another token. This one was carved from wood. The characters 千心 were beautifully carved. “this token will grant you access to most of the family assets in the outside world if you ever need them.”
“Why?”
“We are husband and wife are we not?”
“But we have already severed our ties…”
“We have never been officially divorced either.”
“Gong Shangjue -gongzi.” She sighed. “The Shangguan Qian that you know of was a façade. The time we spent together was a lie. So why would you have any semblance of faith in me?”
Gong Shangjue stared in her eyes. It was true. The Shangguan Qian who have presented herself all those months was a Wufeng agent. Who had tried to deceive him all to achieve Wufeng’s goals. But there were times when he can sense that the façade was off. When she was bantering with Gong Yuanzhi, when she kept him company during Lang-didi’s death anniversary, when he saw a glimpse of guilt and regret when he had told her the details of his mother’s and his brother’s passing. The fury she had in her eyes when she insisted, she was a Gushan Shangguan instead of a Wufeng agent. Her content smile as he accompanied him and grinded bay laurel scented ink by his side. Those glimpses of her true selves were evident enough for him to be confident in his choices.
“Maybe she was. But I choose to believe in the woman I call my wife.”
千心 (Qiān Xīn) - “A thousand hearts,” symbolizing deep feelings or compassion.
Shangguan Qian was gone the next day without any word to anyone. It was the nanny who rushed to see him with Xinjue in her arms who was crying inconsolably who alerted of her departure. “The madam held her in her arms early in morning. I went away to prepare for young miss’s bath and when I returned, the young miss was already wailing, and the madam was nowhere to be found. I only found these scented pouches and this small note later on.”
There were two small messily embroidered scented pouches. One was azaleas scented, and the other way bay laurel scented. The note was short and simple. It only said, ‘Before they fade’.
“Shangjue-ge. If I may. Why?”
Gong Shangjue simply glanced at Gong Ziyu before setting them back on his daughter who was currently in the arms of Yun Weishan.
“She will stay only if she wishes it. I don’t want to keep her in a gilded cage. Wufeng has taken a lot from her. It is not my place to dictate what she does with her life. She would not have let me. But it is enough for her to know that there is still a place where she can call home.”
“I think the both of you are just idiots.”
Maybe he was. Gong Shangjue was not the most merciful of the Gong family that is widely known. But it was not his character to trap somewhere they do not want to be. Shangguan Qian wanted to be free. Everything she had done for Wufeng was for her to earn her freedom – freedom from both Wufeng’s clutches and free from vengeance.
So it was freedom that she seeks, that was the least that he could offer her.
True to her words, Shangguan Qian eventually returns to the Gong residence just before the scent pouches faded. It was 6 months. She returned with multiple recipes of medicine, new herbs and even seeds of rare herbs for Gong Yuanzhi. To which his brother tried to act nonchalant about but he was eventually coped up in his labs for days studying the materials that was brought. Shangguan Qian occasionally paid him a visit with his meals and discussing the recipes and the functions of the herbs with him.
“Scutellaria works best in this mixture!”
“And as I told you before, adding that to the current mixture ends up being toxic! You would have known this if you read the notes I brought back!”
“How am I supposed to blindly trust you? You don’t even have much medical know-hows!”
“How do you think I was able to bring back those notes with me genius? I’ve learned from people in other parts of the world. I’ve tested it myself already! It’s toxic!”
“You are annoying!”
“The same can be said for you. No wonder you are still single, Yuanzhi-didi.”
“What does that has to do with anything?”
“Well, your temperament is something that we definitely need to work on. If not, your future bride would try to bite her tongue off within the first week.”
Shangguan Qian has a sharp tongue and is never hesitant in putting his brother in place.
Most of her time she would spend with Xinjue. Nanny had complained that she felt as if the madam was banning her from doing her job as the baby was often in the cares of her mother. From bathing her to meal time, changing her and even putting her to bed. Shangguan Qian did it on her own. Trying to make up for lost time she had been away.
“Madam, please let me do that for you.”
“Nonsense nanny. I’ve been away for a long time now. Just allow me to do all this for Xinjue. I haven’t been much of a good mother to her. Just allow me this.”
She would spend sometimes the whole day being cooped up in Xinjue’s courtyard. Her eyes filled wonder whenever their daughter laughed or was tossing and turning or crawling around the room.
Shangguan Qian loves her daughter very much. That much was clear as day.
It was during one of these days she was back that Gong Zishang and Jin Fan came for a visit. The air between them were indeed stifling considering their past encounters. Gong Shangjue only watched from afar as Shangguan Qian signalled for Jin Fan to go to the courtyard. They exchanged blows after blows in a close-ranged combat. Jin Fan was putting up a good fight. His punches and kicks were powerful, true to his title of being the youngest red jade guardian. Yet, Shangguan Qian was not even a little bit effected. What she lacked in strength, she made up with her agility and speed. Deflecting the attacks and instead of punches, she used her palms to deliver the blows in critical spots.
The match ended up with a tie. Both parties were panting hard.
“So, the red jade guardian title was just for show then?”
“Are you sure you are a mei? Rather lacking in techniques, it seems.”
“The one that lacked in techniques was the same one who overpowered you last time.”
“You had help.”
“But I clearly remembered that you fell flat on your back multiple times before Hanya Qi was with me. Oh, and I was pregnant that time. What was your excuse then?” Jin Fan glared in annoyance.
Gong Shangjue smiled. Shangguan Qian is very sarcastic and never backed down so easily.
There were also times when she was simply spending time in his study. Sometime writing, sometimes reading, but most of the time, she would grind his ink with bay laurel. He would focus on his own paperwork, and she would be absorbed in her reading. Those hours were spent in silence between the two. Knowing that the other was right next to them was more than enough. So, the promise she made was not a full-blown lie after all. At least there were real parts of her true self that she did allow him to see during their time together.
She didn’t stay long. It was 2 months before she left again. Without word and leaving scented pouches again.
The next time she returned, it was only 3 months after she left. She spent time like she often did. Occasional visits to the very pregnant Yun Weishan and spending much time with Gong Yuanzhi in his laboratory. His brother said that she was honing her medical skills. Though there were still times when she spars with Jin Fan and even Gong Yuanzhi, Gong Shangjue could see that she didn’t enjoyed it as much as the time she spends surrounded by herbs.
She had voiced this out during the time they were alone. “I don’t find much joy in them anymore. I used to do it because I was told to. But lately, I find that enjoy being in Yuanzhi-didi’s laboratory more. Being a healer is much fun than being a hard-wired assassin after all.” Gong Shangjue only nodded. Shangguan Qian has become chattier these days. Sometimes he would catch her talking animatedly to their daughter when she seems to be so absorbed that she didn’t even realize he was nearby. She laughs more often too. The previously somber Jue mansion has become slightly rowdier that they had been. He didn’t mind it.
She left again the following week. Again, leaving the same scented pouches.
She returned back in only a month.
“Gong Shangjue. What is that?” she asked in regards to the small hut that made an sudden appearance close to Xianjue’s room.
“Your own apothecary. You’ve mentioned you would rather spend time wallowing in herbs. I’ve asked Yuanzhi-didi on his opinion on the items and storage space. You have him to thank for that.”
“Why?”
“It’s closer to Xinjue. You’ve mentioned in passing that you would have spent more time in Yuanzhi-didi’s lab if it wasn’t for its distance to the Jue manor.”
“I’m not the person that you’ve known before Gong Shangjue-gongzi. So, why are you doing this?”
“The only difference between the old Shangguan Qian that I know and the current one standing in front of me is the current one is finally happy with her life. Regardless, I have fallen for both versions of her.”
Shangguan Qian chuckled in response. “Why?” closing their distance. Their eyes having never left each other.
“She is very pretty.” Closer.
“You’ve always said that pretty women only bring trouble.” Her hands were already hooked behind his neck.
“Hmn. Troubles only me.” was the last thing he said before he captured her lips in a kiss.
Hanya Qi had once said she had only loved herself. He was not wrong. Shangguan Qian lived for revenge and only looked out for her own self. But she soon realized that she too was capable of loving others too. Xinjue, her darling daughter was a part of her, she was the apple of Shangguan Qian’s eyes before she was even born. Gong Shangjue gave her space, time and opportunity for her to seek her own self. Despite the changes in her demeanour and actions, he stayed true, unwavering in his decisions of keeping her as his wife.
So, Hanya Qi was indeed right to a certain point. But now as Shangguan Qian tended to the bed of azaleas whilst her husband and daughter were sparring together, she smiled in content.
Where the azaleas bloom and bay laurel lingers,
the heart finds its way home.