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Ichimatsu never thought he’d see the day a cat couldn’t make him happy. Even during his worst bouts of depression cats were a source of unjudging comfort.
That was before he was just as much a stray as them.
It’s been a while now and they still seek him out and look at him with hungry expectant eyes, and every time Ichimatsu feels a sinking guilt in the pit of his stomach.
He was huddled in an alley when yet again a stray he recognized jumped into his lap and mewled at him. Ichimatsu sighed, but couldn’t help himself from petting it.
“Sorry, I still don’t have anything for you”. Part of him hoped the cat would stay anyways, and he felt horribly selfish for thinking that. He couldn’t feed it so there was no reason for it to stay, he was just keeping it from finding someone who could. It deserved better than him, he thought, everyone did.
The cat just pressed it's head against his palm and purred.
Ichimatsu sighed again. “I told you, I can’t feed you. Can’t even feed myself. Not that I don’t deserve this”. He muttered. At least he was keeping it warm. Maybe that’s why it’s still there, he considered. He felt a little better knowing he could still do something for his friend. But it was still hungry. He was too, but he didn’t think about that as much. The cat poked it’s head under his shirt, confirming his suspicions that it was trying to warm up. Ichimatsu had been on the chubby side for most of his teen and adult years; mainly, he guessed, from his usual lethargy. All traces of that were gone now, but the cat didn’t seem to mind, snuggling against his belly all the same. Even if he was starting to get bony he was still more comfortable than the pavement.
Ichimatsu couldn’t help but smile a little when he felt the cat nuzzle it's head against his belly. It felt good to know he was still able to comfort his friends in some way, even now that he was in the same cold hungry position as them.
The cat in his lap dozed off and soon Ichimatsu followed suit. There wasn't much else for him to do, especially with a cat in his lap. Even if there was something to do he would put it off so as not to disturb it.
~~~~~
Ichimatsu never begged anyone for money. It was embarrassing, and he didn’t feel like he deserved it anyways. But when he found money that had been lost on the ground, the few vestiges of self-preservation he had left compelled him to keep it. It wasn’t much, but it was enough to make him consider his options. He could feed himself at least a couple times with this, stave off this achy dizzy sick feeling for a while.
Or…
Ichimatsu scratched between the ears of the cat that was currently keeping him company. The poor thing had been declawed at some point and as a stray was suffering for it.
He could feed the cats again, he realizes. Not as much or as well as he would like, but he could give them something at least. He knows they must be feeling just as bad as him, if not worse, and unlike him they’ve done nothing to deserve it.
Ichimatsu smiles behind his face mask the whole slow walk to the store. It’s hardly even a question what to do.
As expected, the cats swarm eagerly around the cans of cheap cat food he sets out with shaking hands, mewling happily and snuggling up to Ichimatsu when they were full. He pets their heads and smiles, happy to have been able to help them out at least one more time.
For the first time since Choromatsu moved out, he feels warm inside.