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Trudging along the mud clung heavy to a young boy's boots. It was raining... hard... and he can't remember the last time he ate. Certainly not anytime recently with the empty pit that lingered in his gut.
He didn't exactly know where he was going... but than again... did it even really matter?
As long as he was moving forward he was making progress and that's what mattered the most.
His head stayed slow and his fingers curled over ragged clothes that have long been overused.
Who know being on his own like this would be so... difficult?
So... painful in ways he never expected. In ways he didn't even imagine were possible.
It wasn't even the physical ache that was dragging him down at this point. The loneliness lulled in and felt crushing on his shoulders. The way he failed everyone.. the way he failed himself.... the world...
As he came to a clearing he took a deep heavy breath of air. But it didn't fill him. His lungs felt clogged as he found himself choking on his very breath.
Even as the clouds started to clear and the warm sun beamed down upon him he couldn't feel it. The simple pleasure had been lost.
Droplets clung to the ends of his scuffed golden locks. Framing his face like small gemstones. His cheeks were wet and it wasn't because of the rain.
He sat near the edge of the clearing. A small cliffside with exposed empty mud and rocks all along the edge.
He imagined for a moment what it would be like to jump... but as swiftly as he imagined it he dismissed the thought. Instead pulling his knees up to his chest with a deep sigh. Keeping his gaze forward on the far away horizon.
Behind him... far far behind him.... was the entire world he once knew.
Now with it gone he felt as if he was nothing.
I mean... with nothing to return to... what even is his own worth?
His fingers curled tighter as he didn't like the thoughts swirling in his head at the moment.
What a tragic time to be alive.
He sat there until the air started to turn cold and the sun was beginning to set.
It was also concerning how skilled he had become at the art of doing absolutely nothing for such long periods of time. It's easy when there are no other options.
With the fresh cover of darkness on his back he stood back up with a stretch and a groan.
The upcoming territory was an open grassy field. It's best to travel at night to not be caught by.... him.
Just the thought sent shivers down his spine.
On one hand he is grateful that he hasn't seen them anytime soon... on the other hand that means the bastard could show up at any second now.
Gritting his teeth he continues on. Already missing the cover of forest that once shielded him.
All he had to do was remind himself once more... there is nothing for him back there... NOTHING....
So he treks on. Partly hopeful on the possibility that food might be up ahead. Be it roots, fruit, or meat..... he'll find a way to make do.
Oh his stomach growled at the thought of meat. Licking his lips as his mouth started to salivate. A fire would give him away in a heartbeat but he might just risk for some roast chicken.... or porkchops? A nice tender steak? Oh what he would give right now for even a single bite.
He has been living off of nothing but apples and berries for months now. Though it felt like years.... which felt like an eternity.
His stomach growled even louder now. So loud he even jumped a little in shock. Being this on edge all the time can NOT be good for him...
God lord he'd even settle for rabbit right now.
Is this even a biome where rabbits spawned in? Rabbits spawn in meadows right?
Gosh if only he was able to eat the flowers... maybe that will give him a chance at not starving.
His stomach kept aching as his walking slowed... impulse eventually taking over.
A hand delicately reaching out to pluck a nearby flower... and shove the entire thing in his mouth.
Something he instantly regretted.
Choking on the bitter petals it didn't take long for him to spit them out. Some of them still clinging to his lips and chin as he gave one pained blink after the other.
"Fucking hell.... you'd think that something which looked so pretty.... would taste half fucking decent...."
He spat again at the ground before rubbing his mouth clean with the back of his hand. Tears of frustration pricking the corners of his eyes.
He's so fucking stupid... why did he even think that would work? His hunger is making him delusional... his stress isn't helping either.
So he does the only thing he really can do in a situation like this... and he kept on walking forward.
Surely... statistically... at some point... he had to find something useful.
.... Right?
The empty hours that passed were not promising.
Even the stream he had to cross was too shallow for fish.
Would it be days until his next meal? He didn't know if he had it in him.
It started feeling... eerie... the complete lack of any life around. At least any life that would be useful to him right now. Not even crickets chirped in the crisp night air.
By now even the tall grass was starting to tempt him... and that isn't even pretty enough to normally want to eat!
But he remembered his recently learned lesson and shoved down the urges.
Maybe if he finds a tree out here he can find an apple or two..... maybe even.... oh maybe even honey. Now wouldn't that be a treat? A little something sweet? Something that he deserves after all this time.... why... if he found even one hive.... just one.... that might be enough to keep him going for a while.
Perhaps he can try exploring this area further after a quick rest..... yeah.... just.... just a quick little rest. The moon is up high and the exhaustion of the walk is really starting to get to him. Surely he can lay down on this soft green grass and close his eyes for just a second.... just.... real..... quick.....
He dreamed of nothing... which is the best kind of dream he could have right now. It was an empty timeless bliss that was both neverending and instant all the same. He was lost to the darkness of being nothing... and.... it felt pleasant...
No unfair expectations or people to disappoint. No getting his hopes up high for them to then simply be crushed.
No... it was just him.... and this little escape from his current dreaded day to day.
Sadly this happy moment of peace had to at some point end.
It was still dark when he had awoken. Something that wasn't his choice.
"Oooooooh Tommy~"
That dreaded sing song voice was enough to jolt him out of the even deepest of sleep. His eyes snapping wide as that monster of a man carelessly stood in front of him.
There was an attempt to get up... to get away... to get FAR away from him... as quickly as he god damn could!
But his muscles failed him. Even his pinky could barely even twitch. His breathing hitching slightly as he realized... he must be in the middle of some kind of sleep paralysis.
How does that bastard always know how to appear at the worst of moments...?
He was helpless to look up at them. The scrawny man's frame dark against a crackling fire that Tommy never built.
That blank mask kept staring at him.... that damned soulless mask that kept haunting him.... no matter how far down his subconscious he shoves it away.
Gritting his teeth he tried to cuss the other out. To spit on him. To scream. To ANYTHING!!!
But it was all in vain as he could barely even wheeze a harsher than normal breath out.
He swore that smile of his got even wider.... which shouldn't even be possible... but he knows he has seen it happen before. He swears by it. But maybe it's his blurring vision making him see things...
Choking on his own breath he feels as if every second is a bit more suffocating.
Dream simply tilts his head curiously to the side.
"You're so funny Tommy!" The cunt chirps up.
Tommy could feel a jolt through his entire spine with every syllable the other spoke.
The dark figure steps slightly closer... and slowly Tommy's eyes adjust to the harsh light through the smoke.
He starts to make out their frame more.... bit by bit... piece by piece...
The dirt caked heavy upon their leather boots. Their chestplate with a few new gashes decorating the metal. Even his mask had a new faint crack to it... one that could only be seen briefly when the when the shimmering light hit it juuuuuuust right....
But the most striking new thing of all.... was the dead rabbit he held up tightly by the ears. Blood dripping all down his forearm and pooling onto the floor as if it had been bleeding out for a while.... how long exactly has he been standing there watching him sleep....?
The more he looked over this dead rabbit the more unnerved he slowly became. His fur was mangled up and there was multiple puncture wounds... as if caught in a needlessly cruel and long fight before it's death. It's eyes were bloodshot and rolled back in their socket leaving only the stained whites properly in view. Even some of it's teeth were knocked out... or well.... hell if he knows.... pulled out.... Dream is the kind of sadistic fuck to do that to a poor innocent animal....
Knowing that freak the animal might even still be alive. Just barely.
Probably some messed up test.
To see if he'd eat it alive or something. Maybe trying to trick him into doing it unknowingly.
A thought that should horrify him but instead... as much as it disgusted him... he felt almost a small sense of relief. Excitement even as his mouth watered slightly at the thought.
He meant it when he said he'd do anything for a bite of meat right now.
Even if it made him feel utterly repulsed at the exact same time.
The monster before him starts to squat down. Balancing on his tippy toes as the rabbit dangles tantalizingly close to his face.
It smelled of blood and death..... and it's the most delicious thing he has smelled all month.
It was making his head start to spin. Part of him wanted to beg for it. Another part of him was screaming internally that he'd never forgive himself if he did. He can NOT let Dream win he will stay strong... he... he has too... his dignity is all he has left... and he won't let himself EVER stoop that low.... right....? RIGHT...?
Lost in his spiral he didn't even notice that the blood was starting to drip over him. Along his cheek.... down the bridge of his nose... into his hair....
His stomach started to growl. He couldn't help but whine slightly at the hunger pains that followed.
Of course Dream laughed at him.
"You should see how pathetic you look right now Tommy.... I can really see why everyone left you.... there's nothing worth sticking around for here."
They roughly grabbed his shoulder. An act that made him shut his eyes as tightly closed as he could.
He couldn't even fight back at yet the action was both snappy and forceful. Pinning him down into the dirt as boney fingers dug through what was left of that sleeve. That was certainly going to bruise.
"Are you listening to me Tommy? Can you even do that?"
Opening and closing his mouth helplessly his entire body shudders with static as he heaves heavily as a wordlessly reply.
The rabbit is slammed into the ground next to his head. Tommy could hear the sickening crack of it's bones being crushed right up against his ear.
He was grateful for a moment he was able to turn his head to look. Sadly that meant he was stuck looking at that ugly mug in front of him.
"You're supposed to speak when spoken to Tommy. A child runs spoiled when allowed to be a brat without manners or rules...."
As if suddenly sparked to life Tommy's arm swings. It might not have had enough force for a punch... but his fingers quickly latch on and tighten around the other's throat.
Sickened for a moment that he was able to make contact. There is taunt flesh against his fingertips. All of this is about as real as it gets.
The tighter his fingers curled to crush their throat the tighter Dream's hand clutched to his shoulder in response.
"I'll rip your entire fucking arm off if that's what you want."
His body trembles... just for a moment. A small flinch from such a threat. Yet his expression twisted into a stubborn determination. Choosing to dig his nails in all the deeper as his only response.
Dream only chuckled. He could feel their crushed throat push against his palm with every breathy wheezing laugh.
"How about you do the right thing. Be a hero. Do what nobody else has had to guts to do."
He lets go of Tommy at this point. Raising his hand up instead almost as if in mercy.
His posture unbalanced he chooses to lean purposefully forward. All the more into the other's death grip as if it was a trust fall.
Voice dropping deeply before he dared speak again.
"Obey."
He wouldn't! He would never! He would never ever EVER stop fighting the good fight against this MONSTER... this living nightmare that haunts his every waking moment whether they are actually there are not. Always there... always a shadow in the back of his mind... he'll never be free of them.
He... he'll never be free...
Even in death.... wouldn't they still haunt him?
Plus killing him couldn't be this easy... does he even have the guts to kill someone? I mean.... it's.... it's Dream.... he's not even a person.... killing him should be okay?
Why does he feel more sick to his stomach now than he did when he saw the rabbit?
His hand goes limp.
Thudding against the ground by choice.
He can't do it.
He can't.
He really is a failure.
He feels fur and blood against the back of his hand. How it splattered all the way down to his wrist.
But he didn't care.
What is there to even care about anymore?
He can't do anything right....
"That's a job well done Tommy~"
The smile drags up higher. The two pinprick eyes almost seem to squint.
But he must be seeing things... he must be... it's simply a mask.... it shouldn't be able to do that...
They grab him by the hair now. Dragging him upright like a doll with all the stuffing ripped out so it can't sit upright properly anymore.
It stings but Tommy doesn't even notice.
"At least you can do one thing right-"
Their tone is short and snappy suddenly. The Dream he is more familiar with... yet oddly... less scared of.
They shove his head down harshly as they stand up... yet surprisingly... mostly to Tommy himself.... he stays upright.
Staring down at his hands.... one of them bloody..... the other not....
He swore the wrong hand was covered in blood right now.
He should have gone for the kill... he should have....
"Eat."
It was a command. No argument allowed. So he didn't argue.
Shutting up isn't arguing. Not saying a single peep.... not a zip... not a single word? That's not arguing.
He simply did absolutely nothing. Nice and quietly and polite. Just sitting there. Who could hate on a little guy for that?
Yet still Dream didn't take kindly to it.
"Fine. You can starve. I was only trying to help."
Slowly his painted on smile seems to grow old, distant and faded even, as he turns his back on them. Returning to the shape of a dark silhouette cutting through the flames that have all but died down. Prodding them slowly back to life with a nearby sturdy twig.
Tommy stared down at the rabbit. An empty pit in his stomach.
It didn't at all feel as if he was trying to help. It didn't feel like he was trying to help at all.
But if he didn't eat now he would die. He felt this certainness in his very core. The very fabric of his being. Deep down into his bones.... that he only had two choices right now.
Eat or starve.
He started to peel back some of the looser lumps of skin. Exposing some of the fresh muscle underneath. It was still a bit warm.
The sight made him dizzy. As if he wanted to be sick but didn't have the energy to commit to it.
Slowly he raised it closer and took a sniff. It actually.... smelled pretty enticing.
He was about to open his mouth to take a bit of the crimson fresh flesh when....
"Holy shit are you actually going to eat it? Get some fucking standards Tommy."
They pat a spot on the ground next to themself. Alluring Tommy to try and coax him to sit next to him.
With wide eyes and a new sense of shame for himself he simply stayed where he was. Rabbit still in hand.
Until after a long heavy breath.... and then another.... he started to scoot closer.
Somehow half crawling half standing in an awkward fumbling trot to stay near the fire. A small bit further away from the spot Dream offered to him.... but strangely.... a bit closer than he normally would.
They weren't rubbing elbows or touching shoulders.... but there was only one seat of separation between the two of them now.
The fire dancing it's splendid light upon both of their faces now. Both of them felt fake.
Nudging the corpse onto a hot large flat stone by the flame he watched it sizzle and cook. The one bright red muscle starting the tense and turn more of a light pinkish brown. The body twisting on on itself as if curling up for it's endless sleep.
It felt.... and looked.... almost.... peaceful actually....
The silence was nice.
He couldn't even entirely complain about the company.
I mean.... it has been..... awfully lonely out here....
He pulled his knees up to his chest. Resting his face on his knees in such a way that only his eyes were peeking out over them.
Eyes so empty and blank and wet that they were perfect mirrors for the flames that danced.
It felt almost hypnotic watching the food cook. If he thought it smelled good before it smelled even better now. Plus he didn't have to be ashamed of it smelling so appetizing this time around now that it was being made into an actual meal.
Though he didn't realize it was even burning until Dream suddenly reached out. Using his bare hand to suddenly flip it over.
"What's even the point of cooking it if you're only going to cook one side?" He scolded the other.
"That's all you do Tommy. You waste and ruin everything handed to you..."
He felt a little less excited to eat hearing that. He didn't even realize it was burning.... but he didn't have the energy to defend himself.
His eyes glancing over to watch as the steam and smoke continued to cascade from Dream's hand. Sometimes he wondered if the man ever felt anything at all. That even if he did..... if he even noticed anymore. Or cared.
He didn't know what was worse. Being cursed to be unfeeling....or to be able to feel everything but never showing it.
He hoped he never ended up like them.
Finally the rabbit seemed to have been cooked well enough. It as a torturous wait but he survived through it. Having at some point wrapping some scrap fabric around his hand to pull it by the leg out of flame.
He didn't have any plates of anything out of the wilderness but Dream silently nudged him a rock to use.
Of course he ignored it.
He didn't need their 'help'.... he didn't need anything from anybody.
He could barely even wait for it to fully cool before sitting up properly and grabbing at it with body hands to dig in. Who needs plates and utensils with this tried and true method?
Somehow it stayed incredibly tender and juicy. Even the burnt bits were more charred and added excitement to the overall flavor. The meat practically fell off the bone and he couldn't help but scarf it down like a starved stray dog.
Which is how he felt in the moment anyway.
It was so delicious to have after those months of starving that everything else fade away. Only this momentary bliss was real as each mouthful made him feel a bit more warm and alive inside. It quite literally felt as if he was being healed. As if he was regaining his former spirit and vigor for life. As his strength came back to him he felt more comfortable. That he could put up properly fight this time to defend himself if needed.
It even let him think a bit clearer. Wondering what exactly Dream wanted from him. Why would they even do this? And did they have a hand at all in making him need their help to begin with?
He wasn't even sure if they had that power.... to manipulate the entire world like that. Sure there were times he had called himself a god but.... he knew they weren't XD.
Somehow it still felt like it was his fault he couldn't provide for himself.... but with a more clear head on his shoulders.... while the guilt is still there... he is wondering what the hell he was even supposed to do. How is it HIS fault that HE'S starving when there is ZERO food around to eat?
It all felt very strange.... bizarre even.
What was even weirded and honestly quite unnerving was how quiet Dream was being right now as he had his wondering thoughts.
Was he planning something? Was there some kind of trick with the food? Did he do exactly what they wanted or how their entire plan be foiled?
It was impossible to tell. Hard to read an expression off a guy that doesn't have a face. Plus honestly it doesn't even really concern him. Cause like at the end of the day.... whatever they got going on and are planning.... it doesn't concern him. I mean unless I suppose it involved him specifically... but that's different! They should learn to leave him the hell alone and stop being all up in his business!
Maybe then he'd leave them along as well.... maybe.... unless they're pissing him off.
Gosh he missed the days when it was more funny than distressing to mess with Dream. When everything felt like it was in good fun and he could actually... well... win...
Now he just wants to go home.
But...
There isn't really any home to go back to now is there?
Out of the blue Dream started to stand.
The action startled Tommy as he immediately went tense.
Good lord what the hell does he want down? Hasn't he already done enough? Is he not allowed to enjoy anything good for more than a second? Is he not allowed to have a single good moment to himself?
They were just... staring at him now... and he didn't even realize that by now the flame was practically dead. The last bits of the embers picking up on the wind and drifting hazardously close to his cloak. Yet the masked man seemed unfazed.
He faced them for only a second.
"I own you. Never forget that."
It sent a chill down him. Choked up with shock he didn't have the words to reply. Not that he had the chance...
As he turned the wind caught at his cloak. Making it flow and roll just like the hills he started to walk off into.
A sunrise was starting to lull in at that very moment. Dewdrops and songbirds being obvious was the refreshing chill of the breeze. The colors were all so soft as under the sun's sleepy light cascading down into the valley.
It didn't take long for the distant figure to be lost in the blur of soft greens.
It was as if they vanished right before Tommy's very eyes.
It must.... just be the shock... and exhaustion...
He rubbed at his eyes. Then rubbed at them against. Until he was absolutely certain that the monster was certainly gone.
Finally he could take a breather.
The tension he didn't even know he was holding now all gone. Released. He was free. At least for a little while.... until IT came back again...
Shaking off everything that happened he noticed a low quality shovel was left behind. It must have been used to dig the fire pit.... and now he was going to use it to fill it back up.
Tenderly he picked it up... trying to guess how many uses it had left.
It wasn't many.... but it should be just enough for the job.
First he used the blade to stifle whatever embers remained. Then he dug up over some of the nearby dirt.... at least.... he was going to.... until a thought passed his mind.
Carefully he crafted a hole in the middle of the now dead fire. Then gently... placed what remained of the rabbit.... who was now nothing more than some fur and bones..... into the center of the pit.
Only then did the fully cover it with dirt until it made a slight mound.
With a bittersweet smile he looked around until his eyes found what they were looking for.
A lovely yellow flower. Common.... but beautiful all the same. It's golden petals matched his golden locks which still shined softly in the raising sunlight despite it all. Despite everything he has been through. Despite everything that has happened... and will surely happen to him.... they still shine.
He planted the flower at the top of the mound and stood there as he took in the sight. Silently staying in this tender moment with his hands gently clasped in front of him.
After a long second he mumbled, "..... thank you for helping me...." before hoisting the shovel along his back side by side with his backpack and continuing on his journey.
No matter what Dream said or did he would never truly own him. He was his own person. He felt that in his very soul. They can believe what they want but he knows the truth. These actions are all his own. These are all his own choices.
That's what makes him better than that monstrous thing. That's what keeps his humanity. What makes him a person. A good person at that.
He isn't owned by anyone except himself.
He will always have himself.
He is himself.
He looked down the path now with a full belly yet empty hopes. One stop after the other as he lulled back into his comfortable mindless walking.
The rolling seemingly endless field before him looking more than welcoming now as it was covered in both flowers and rabbits.