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I woke up and I knew it would be my last day on this earth.
I’m not sure what tipped me off. I awoke in my bed, for once not hungover from the day before, mostly due to Katniss and Peeta’s pestering, and I felt it in my old, weary soul. Today was it. My final day before the end.
I already knew how I wanted to spend it. I had faced death so many times now, in and out of the Games, that I had had plenty of time for wondering. Planning out my ideal end, when I would finally reunite with Sid, Ma, and most of all my lost love. As I manage to drag myself out of bed, I find I don’t feel as tired as usual. Getting old has hit me hard, especially with my shot liver. But today, I feel like one of those songbirds, a mockingjay ready to fly out into the open air, never to return again.
I shake myself out of my thoughts, grabbing the cane that I have to use damn near everyday, and haul ass over to the Mellark household.
This isn’t completely unusual for me, as I visit my kids fairly often these days. Most days, we have breakfast together, all five of us around the kitchen table, squabbling over all of the things people squabble over in peacetime. The weather, town gossip, and even a political discussion once in a harvest moon, though usually Katniss or Peeta cut that off after a few minutes.
It’s nice, in a way, how much they care. How much they watch me to make sure I eat enough, and how much they pester me about my drinking, despite how long I’ve been at it. I’ll miss it, I think wistfully. I’ll miss them. Hopefully they don’t miss me too much when I’m gone.
After I arrive on their doorstep, I let myself inside. They don’t lock their doors, either because they forget or because deep down they know no one in town would risk robbing them. Whether out of fear or gratitude, who knows.
I stumble over to the kitchen table, seeing Peeta already awake and messing around in the kitchen. Katniss already sits at the table, sipping something that smells like tea, skinning some rabbits she or Willow caught recently. I plop down into my usual chair, and stare upstairs to catch a glimpse of the kids.
Willow starts down the stairs gracefully, quickly joining her mother in skinning the rabbits. She is practically Katniss’s twin, in both personality and looks, except for her blue eyes. She quietly greets me at the table, and starts focusing on her rabbit. It’s cute, watching her focus so hard on something so simple. A rare glimpse into the past, what Katniss might have looked like before her life fell apart.
Rye, their younger boy, walks down the stairs more slowly, yawning as he goes. When he sees me, he wakes up a bit, sprinting down the stairs to come greet me.
“Hi Uncle Haymitch! Good morning! How are your geese doing?” He asks with far too much energy for most mornings. I can see Katniss and Willow cringe across the table, seemingly agreeing with my assessment.
But this morning is different, so I answer back with the same amount of energy “They’re doing great! Was actually thinking of taking them for a walk through the meadow today. Would you want to come along?”
Katniss looks up immediately, and so does Peeta from where he’s kneading some dough. I can see he has bacon frying in a pan, and some eggs next to it.
Their reactions don’t surprise me. I’ve never, in my entire time back at District 12, gone to the meadow willingly. It usually took weeks, if not months, of begging and pleading eyes from Willow or Rye before I’d even visit the place. And usually, I’d go drunk, watch Willow dance for an hour, and leave immediately, drinking the rest of the day away. The meadow reminded me too much of Lenore Dove, of her last day alive, to do anything else.
But today was different. And I knew that Rye wouldn’t ask me too many questions about why I had a sudden change of heart. He’d just be happy that I was going to one of their favorite places in all of Twelve, not that there was much competition, to be honest.
Proving me right, he immediately shouted “Really?! I would love to! Ma, Pa, can I go?” He asks, looking over at Katniss and Peeta now, “I promise I’ll behave myself and be back before sunset!”
Katniss is frowning a bit, and Willow looks confused, but before either of them can say anything, I cut in. “Actually I was wondering if we could make a day of it. Katniss, Peeta, Willow, could you join me? I figured we’d bring an old blanket, gather up some food, and have a nice day in the sun.”
Katniss and Peeta still look confused, but I can see Willow’s big blue eyes starting to sparkle. I know I’ve won her over. “That sounds really nice Uncle Haymitch… Ma, do you think we can? I didn’t have any plans today, and school is out so neither does Rye. And I know you and Pa were just going to bake some cheese buns. Can we all go?” She is busting out the pleading eyes, even though I know it isn’t necessary. Katniss and Peeta always struggled saying no to their kids, especially when they both wanted something. They so rarely asked for anything these days, I think they felt guilty for depriving them. So they both share a look, then agree.
Not long after that breakfast was ready, we all quickly devoured the food. After, the rabbits were quickly prepped and cooked by Katniss, who said she’d bring them to the meadow. Peeta pulled a basket from somewhere, and loaded it with an old but thick blanket, some bread for sandwiches, and of course some cheese buns. I saw Rye also sneak in a couple sweet breads from a tray on the counter, but I let him be.
It strikes me that this is what his life will look like. School days and sneaking buns from his Pa’s shop, which he tells everyone he’ll inherit someday. Maybe even kissing that pretty girl he’s had his eye on for months now, though he thinks Katniss, Peeta, and I don’t notice. Willow’s life too, will be completely and blessedly normal. Full of cute teenage boys, hunting game to sell, and maybe even a song or two. For a moment, the enormity of what I helped accomplish hits me. This is what it was all for. There will never be another sunrise on the reaping, not for these kids or any others. And I finally feel like I’ve kept my promises. To Maysilee. To Lenore. I painted my own poster, I made it so that there will never be another sunrise on the reaping. I’ve accomplished it all, and now I’ve earned my rest. I feel them beside me, walking with me to my end, the same way I was with them at theirs.
I let that sense of contentment and accomplishment seap into my bones, into my world weary soul. I think of Burdock’s song the day Ma, Sid, and my fellow tributes were buried.
You're headed for heaven
The sweet old hereafter
And I've got one foot in the door
But before I can fly up
I've loose ends to tie up
Right here in
The old therebefore
Yes, I think, it’s my time. I’ve tied up all my loose ends. I’m ready to fly up.
——
Katniss, Peeta, Willow, Rye, and I stop by my house to pick up my geese. I feel a bit bad, leaving them behind, but they’re self sufficient creatures. I think that, despite Katniss threatening to cook them every time one of them chases her around, Rye is too attached to them to let her kill them. They’ll be well taken care of in his hands. He’s a sweet boy, much like his Pa, and never had much heart for killing anything. They follow behind me, my little gooselings. Why do the little ones always follow me? I think, half bitter, half amused. Peeta and Katniss walk beside me, talking about how nice a day it is, town gossip, really anything to get me to slip the reason behind my change of heart towards the meadow. They know my story, Lenore Dove’s story. They know all too well why I avoid the meadow. But for some reason, whether it’s pity or respect, they don’t press me too hard. Maybe they like the idea of a sunny day in the meadow too.
And what a sunny day it is. The sky is clear and blue, and the sun has already risen on another day without a reaping. The air is clear and cool, signifying the beginning of autumn. A good time to die, I think. When nature itself is preparing to sleep.
We stumble along, Rye and Willow waving to their friends as they pass through town. District 12 has been rebuilt nicely over the years. Oh, she is still a coal miner town at heart, covered in coal dust and dirt, and the Hob is going strong, but she has gleaming windows and laughing children. Food stalls and trade depots, public schools and clinics free to everyone. All in all, not a bad place to live your life in peacetime.
We reach the meadow soon after, settling in the shade of one of the trees near the woods. I set my cane on the tree next to me. My geese scatter around the meadow, pecking at the odd plant and following Rye around. The sun has risen more in the sky, and the break from the heat is a relief. I settle in on the old blanket Peeta has laid out, watching Willow as she asks me and Rye to see the new dances she’s learned. She’s completely at home in the meadow, laughing and smiling freely like she so rarely does these days. We watch, oooing and ahhhing at what I hope are the appropriate times, and applaud loudly when she’s done.
She and Rye start running around the meadow, picking flowers in Rye’s case, and any useful plants they find in Willow’s. Katniss and Peeta sit beside me, holding hands and watching their children play with small smiles on their faces.
This is perfect. Exactly what I imagined and hoped for. A beautiful last day, watching my family play in the place where I would finally rest. Some people get creeped out by the idea of someone dancing on their grave, but I like the idea that I’ll always be with them, that I’ll always be a part of their happiness, at least in some way.
“You know, Lenore and I said that when we died, if there was an after, we would wait for each other here. And then, when the other died, we’d be together forever.” I say quietly, not wanting to drag the kids into my sad train of thought.
Katniss startles. “You never mentioned that for the book.” she says, not quite sure how to respond. So much like me, even now, I think.
“Never really thought it was important enough to mention.” I say nonchalantly.
“And now it is?” She asks bluntly.
I nod. I’ve already shown her the Covey graveyard, which had somehow been spared in the bombings, and told her about her dad and her family. She knows that I asked to be buried next to my love. The old graveyard with the Abernathy headstone is long gone, and I can’t think of a better place to rest.
“Let’s face it sweetheart, my time is running out. And there are lots of things I’d like to say while I still can, before I join my love… wherever we go. You know, she believed that there was a place called heaven, and that it was a good place for good people, and that people with wings called angels lived there. I thought it was a bit out there, but she was a dreamer, my Lenore. Always had her head in the clouds, dreaming of a better world.”
And before I can contain it, I’m rambling on and on. Telling her all of the little bits of Lenore that I hadn’t had the strength to share before. Her orange paint. The deathbed promise I made to her. Our words to each other, I love you like all-fire. But I don’t stop there, I share other things to. Like how I tried to stop the Games before. And how I had given up on everything and everyone, even myself, until I met her and Peeta, who gave me the strength to fight. I tell them both that I love them, and that I consider them my family in every way that matters. I tell them I love their kids like my own, and that Uncle Haymitch the most treasured nickname I’ve ever had.
Katniss and Peeta are both tearing up now, and they both hug me, which surprises me a bit, as we’re not a very affectionate bunch. They say they love me, and that they think of me as family to. Katniss’s gruff, stern grip loosens after a minute or two, and Peeta lets me go not long after. I can tell that they both have figured me out, and they know I won’t be leaving this meadow. They don’t say anything though, whether to protect the kids or to respect my silence I guess I’ll never know. Tears are still running down their faces, but they quickly wipe them away as Rye and Willow return from their scavenging.
“Look, Uncle Haymitch, we found some katniss! And some other herbs too!” Willow proudly shows me what she’s found, and starts explaining all the ways she identified them, and what they all did. Rye sits down on the blanket, weaving a flower crown out of some white lilies he found. He places it on my head when he’s done, and starts listening intently to Willow’s lecture on plants. I smile, nodding along and letting Willow take over the conversation while I eat a couple bites of a sandwich Katniss hands me. After, I feed the rest of my sandwich to the geese, stroking their feathers in farewell. We’re all quiet, the three of us. I think we’ve said most of what we needed to say.
Eventually, the sun rises higher in the sky, and Willow dances around the meadow while Rye follows after her again. She even starts singing all sorts of songs, taught to her courtesy of Burdock’s daughter. And oh, what a voice she has. The mockingjays fall silent just to listen. I sing along for a bit, but then stop and just watch her go. Katniss and Peeta move to sit on either side of me, sharing cheese buns and the rest of the sandwiches. Rye and Willow eventually come over and sneak the sweet breads out of the basket, pleading with their parents to not punish them. They relent, but make them share, so we all eat a piece of sweet bread as a dessert to our impromptu lunch. Not a bad last meal, all things considered. Rye tells us all some funny story from school, and the meadow rings with our combined laughter.
However, all good things must come to an end, and soon after that Willow mentions that she wanted to go hunting today. Rye mentions that he wanted to help Pa get a head start on an order of cheese buns for one of the towns people. Peeta waves him on, saying he can start without him. And then, they both kiss my cheeks, and say their goodbyes.
“Love you, Uncle Haymitch, see you later!” They say in near perfect unison, as they go back to the house, since Willow still needs to get her hunting gear. My geese trail behind Rye, like they somehow know that he will be taking care of them from now on.
I wave goodbye to them, yelling as loud as I can that I love them too, and to not give their parents too much trouble. They look back at me a bit mischievously, and notably make no promises. I laugh a bit under my breath, troublemakers, the lot of us. At least they come by it honestly.
Katniss and Peeta make no move to move from their positions on either side of me. I realize that they intend to stay with me until the end. That relieves me more than I care to admit, and part of me wonders if I should have given their children the chance to do the same. But I can’t bring myself to call them back. No child should have to hold someone’s hand as they die, I think to myself. Maybe that makes me a jackass, but what else is new?
Katniss and Peeta reach simultaneously to hold each of my hands in theirs. Together, they kiss both my cheeks, and whisper their goodbyes. I say my own softly, because I can feel it now. The life slowly leaving my body. And I can see them. All of my friends and loved ones, standing in the meadow, waiting for me. Instead of the angry, horrifying ghosts that haunt my nightmares, they all appear serene, welcoming. Happy. First I see Sid and Ma, looking just as they did on reaping day, smiling at me with the same old smiles, Sid’s wild hair rustling in the wind. Then I see Wyatt and Louella, my sweetheart holding the oddsmaker’s hand like a lifeline. Still protecting her. They both smile and wave, and I swear I see Louella’s mouth say “Hey, Hay”. Then Maysilee, who has a small, triumphant smile on her face. She nods at me, telling me with her eyes that I fulfilled my promise. And that she enjoyed the poster I painted. I smile back at my sister, before moving my head slightly to see the last ghost.
Lenore Dove doesn’t look like the others. She looks older, with silver in her hair, like she grew old with me, same as in my dreams. She smiles brightly, dressed in her multicolored shirt, my flint striker on a chain around her neck. She is running towards me now. I can almost hear her saying “I love you like all-fire, Haymitch Abernathy”. I know that all I need to do is leave my body, and my soul will finally be back in her arms, where it belongs, where it has always belonged.
I whisper back to her, “I love you like all-fire”. And then, with my last breaths, I sing her song one last time.
Prophet!” said I, “thing of evil! — prophet still, if bird or devil!
By that Heaven that bends above us — by that God we both adore —
Tell this soul with sorrow laden if, within the distant Aidenn,
It shall clasp a sainted maiden whom the angels name Lenore —
Clasp a rare and radiant maiden whom the angels name Lenore.”
Quoth the Raven “Nevermore.
I know now it’s a lie, and I will see my sainted maiden again. But still, it feels fitting. And, as my body is fading, I notice that the mockingjays have stopped singing again. And I hear Katniss next to me, singing the melody along with me. As we sing it together, I feel myself fade away, peaceful and content to rest at last, alongside my loved ones. Alongside my Lenore Dove.
—
Katniss felt Haymitch’s body grow cold beside her and Peeta, and she knew he was gone. He had stopped singing awhile ago, and he had breathed his last breath not long after. She had felt a breeze ruffle her hair as he died, like his spirit was in fact finally leaving and joining his love in this meadow.
Peeta sat with her for a bit longer, holding his hand still. She did to. Letting go made it real.
But oddly, instead of heartbroken or shattered or any of the other things she felt when her loved ones died, she just felt an odd sense of calm. Like Haymitch was finally allowed to sleep after a long, hard day.
Taking a deep breath, Katniss finally let go of his hand. Peeta helped her wrap Haymitch in the blanket, and they started the journey to carry him to the graveyard he had told her about. They’d have to tell the kids before they buried him, so they could say their last goodbyes. As they carried him to his final resting place, she could have sworn she saw Haymitch standing there in the meadow, smiling, with his arms wrapped around an older woman with a multicolored shirt. The image gave her an overwhelming sense of peace and contentment.
She smiled, and continued on her way to bring Haymitch to his final resting place, carrying that peace with her.