Chapter Text
“Stay for a drink and then decide”, Magnus’s voice was gentle.
Alec watched as the warlock’s yellow cat eyes sparkled and a small smile played across his lips. Very nice lips, Alec found himself thinking.
He felt torn between devotion to his duty and to the sense of need building inside of him. Alec was unsure of what to do with his desire to stay, but the yearning had less to do with his impulse to be rebellious and more to do with the fact that Magnus gave him the ability to be freer and more self-determined than he had ever been before. For some obscure reason, being around the warlock allowed him to relax; if only for a moment, he helped Alec settle down. Which in this situation, and under these circumstances, he felt was more than necessary.
Alec felt betrayed. His parents, the Clave, everything he had always firmly believed in told him what he felt was wrong. He had always followed the rules; he had always done everything he could to make his family proud and honor the Lightwood name. Even now, with the plan to get married to Lydia he was trying to honor his parents.
And yet, no one was fighting his decision? Except for Izzy, of course. The young Shadowhunter had trouble thinking that his parents, his community, his society would do this to him. Not after everything he had done for them, always in the name and interest of his family and the Nephilim. In this moment, he recognized that it would never be enough. No matter what he did, no matter what he sacrificed, they would always ask for more. They would ask things from him until there was nothing left to give. And this was the reason he had come to Magnus’s today. Alec knew that the warlock would never expect anything of him, that he would require nothing of him. On the contrary, he felt as though he was important and significant when he was in Magnus’s presence.
So he decided to stay. Alec drank whatever Magnus filled his glass with, and sat directly beside the warlock on the ground, their backs leaning against the couch. He had drawn his legs toward him, and placed his arms on his knees. His glass worriedly passed between his hands. First they were both quiet, then, surprisingly, Alec started to speak. The young Shadowhunter felt like he was losing control, as if his mouth had taken over his thoughts. However, he couldn’t bring himself to care; not any more. He could tell Magnus everything, and Magnus would listen. This was a feeling that Alec wasn’t used to. When had anyone really listened to him?
He could feel Magnus’s cat eyes look directly through him, almost as though his soul was on display as he explained about Jace, Clary, his parents, and the arranged marriage. Alec laughed when Magnus choked on his drink when he spoke of his connection with Lydia. However, the warlock let him talk until there were no words left for him to say.
Suddenly, Alec found himself hesitating. Had he revealed too much about himself? He felt his nerves flare up when Magnus looked at him. Was it a mistake for him to stay? Alec was worried and wanted to jump up when he suddenly found himself, without warning, in an embrace. At first he stiffened, surprised by the sudden contact. However, he found himself quickly sinking into the embrace. Leaning his head on Magnus’s shoulder, he heard him saying: “I understand how you feel. I will help you; I promise.”
Alec believed him.