Work Text:
Friday has withered away.
Seungmin closes his laptop, sighing and rubbing his palms into his face. This corporate job is one-thumb near to trigger the gun that's been invisibly hanging next to his temple. He has no problem with his colleagues, for they are all kind to him, which he has always been grateful for. However, the workload is more than unbearable, with repetitive tasks, rude customers, and unrealistic business standards. Everything slowly forms a giant cannonball, ready to crush his back at any given time. No matter how he tries to remain positive, he can feel his breath raging with flames.
"Fuck this job", he mouths silently in his stomach.
It is five in the afternoon. The sunbeams are making their way into the office through the monotonous venetian blind. At least for this moment, the room is now lightened with the color of candlelight, bright and purely refreshing. People say the sun is a natural healer, and Seungmin will forever die on that hill. To him, it is an omniscient deity, a floating orb radiating a distinctive kind of warmth that fuels the existence of all living creatures. Its light travels millions of miles to reach and caress the earth's surface, and as expected, the earth embraces the light into its ground.
Seungmin loves to soak himself up in the sunlight. He remembers days of hanging around with his friends, laying his back down on the vast meadows, falling asleep to the solar heat. Those beautiful, carefree days are too far gone now. He has grown older, having to restrict himself to a desk and a chair, grinding his butt to powder in order to feed himself. He has no time to enjoy himself during daylight, so for a long time, he has resorted to the sun's counterpart to find a little hope in nature, the moon.
The moon is always there, always a part of the sky, yet it is subdued by the glowing sun. Only when the night breaks, its pale and plump body starts to surface. Astronomically, the light of the moon comes from the sun, yet Seungmin believes that it has a life of its own, a charm that no celestial object holds. She is a mysterious girl, wandering around in the night sky among the stars, with a part of her heart unbeknownst to the world. That's what Seungmin adores in her, a puzzle that can take humanity forever to crack.
"It's time to go home now."
Seungmin gets up from his chair and neatens his seat before packing his stuff in his bag. Normally, he works overtime until eight or nine, but if he did it today, his brain would suffer from an explosion and all the brain matter would be splattered everywhere. He looks around and waves his exhausted hand to his working-to-their-bones colleagues. Some wave back, some are too caught up in their work to understand what was going on.
Corporate jobs deserve a hell of themselves, when people have to tear apart their own lives for fifty years for almost nothing. If Seungmin had been born rich, he would be working in any creative industry, especially modeling, when he can walk on the runway with peculiar garments tailored to his figure. He doesn't care if it's conventionally attractive or not, to him, they are products of creativity and imagination, and most of all, freedom. But for now, he can only dream. For now, he can only distance himself from his job until next Monday.
Seungmin's footsteps echo through the corridor. It's odd to see no one here, but to someone who had just been mind-boggled by the back-breaking workload, it feels like a remedy staying somewhere virtually empty. He pulls out his phone to call someone, while waiting for the lift to take him down to the first floor.
"Hello?", Seungmin brings his phone to his ear.
"Yes, Jungsu's here", a sweet voice emerges through the speaker.
"Have you arrived? I have just finished my work."
"Yeah, I have. I'm waiting for you down the lounge."
"Yeah sure. See you in a minute."
As soon as Seungmin hangs up, the ding of the lift pops up. He walks inside, thinking about how meeting his boyfriend—Jungsu will cure all of the mess he has gone through today. They have been officially together for five years, long enough to call each other their fate and faith. He can't find a word that perfectly captures their relationship, but everything that has happened is exactly how he wants it to be. It's a life of normalcy, where two people can cut open their chest and understand each other thoroughly. No matter how much life will find a way to break Seungmin down, at the end of the day, he will be comforted again, for he's holding onto Jungsu—his beacon of hope.
The sound of the lift goes off again, cutting across Seungmin's mind. Walking out of it, he sees Jungsu in the longue waiting for him. His chestnut-colored hair has already absorbed the heat from the ghostly ceiling lights, and he's patting repetitively on his thighs while scrolling on his phone. His eyes sometimes squint at the phone; Seungmin guesses he's trying to read a book he downloaded online. Everything that he's doing, they are all so attractive and mesmerizing to Seungmin.
Admittedly, worshiping somebody is frankly strange, but being in love can make one view things so differently. Seungmin loves every action and unusual habit of his boyfriend, such as blinking excessively when being excited, or randomly giving Seungmin a small gift because he just feels like it. Everything Jungsu does is all romantic and thoughtful, despite how stupid they may seem to others.
Jungsu tells him sometimes "Never put your heart into someone else, for you never know one's true nature". Of course Seungmin knows that, but those years spent next to each other is a long time for him to decide that Jungsu is the man he devotes himself to, the man that he's loved wholeheartedly, the man that is his one and everything.
A honeyed voice brings his mind back to reality.
"Seungmin-ah, you're here", Jungsu stands up and walks towards Seungmin.
"Yeah, I'm here", Seungmin exhales faintly as Jungsu starts to stroke his shoulder.
"I know this was a long day for you. Now let's go home", he kisses Seungmin's hair, where the smell of the air conditioner still lingers.
They walk hand in hand through the revolving door, to their car they had to squeeze their pockets years ago in the parking lot. Living in this time without a car is nothing different from running a marathon barefoot. No one says you can't, but you will probably be dragged to black and blue.
After they settle in their seats, Jungsu swerves the car to the main road and drives them home. The road during rush hour on a Friday is nothing far from an inferno. Endless lines of soulless vehicles, loud and cacophonous noises from horns and engines, and the traffic lights seem to be stuck at red forever.
Seungmin turns around to see his boyfriend gripping his hands on the steering wheel, which is way more attractive, more than the nude models he used to jerk off to, more than any man who promised to love him forever, then ultimately smeared his heart. Jungsu is above those people, he is more than his desires, he's the representation of love, of optimism, of everything he wants to believe in.
"What are you thinking baby?", Jungsu asks with his eyes glued to the road.
"Nothing much, I'm just admiring how you look", Seungmin flatters him.
"Thank you, my cutie", Jungsu giggles, his right hand moves from the wheel to rubbing Seungmin's thigh, "Probably you would like this."
"Oh fuck you", Seungmin jokingly curses, "Just focus on the road, will ya?"
"Alright babe I'm just playing around", Jungsu's hand retreats.
After half an hour pitting themselves against the busy avenue, they drive into somewhere less crowded. The sky has darkened, but shades of orange and pink still float around like fireflies, lightening the evening sky. Seungmin loves the sunset, yet the streetlights are staining the breathtaking scene with its fluorescent pigments, and hundreds of billboards start to brighten up. This is the city life—busy, bustling, filled with artificial lights, in which celestial objects are buried under the glory of those.
Seungmin doesn't like it. Of course, he lives in the city to enjoy the convenience, to take advantage of the modern amenities. But somehow, there's a small part of him yearning to live somewhere else that he can fully immerse in the beauty of nature. It's a living paradox residing in him, tearing him apart with the decisions which lead to no desire in him fulfilled.
"Baby?", Jungsu sweetly asks, bringing Seungmin back from his thoughts again.
"What's wrong?"
"Do you want to go out and do something tonight, just the two of us?", Jungsu gently asks.
Seungmin hasn't listened to Jungsu inviting him to go out for a night for a while, for both of them are buried with their burdensome work.
"What do you have in mind?", he half-turns his body to his boyfriend.
"I'm thinking we can go to the cinema to watch something, then walk back home. What do you think?"
Seungmin frowns. It doesn't sound bad at all, but it lacks something. Fun? Maybe. He doesn't want to engage in these kinds of activities today. The cinema is a not-so-bad idea, but he wouldn't enjoy being packed in a room of a hundred people. And the night walk isn't what he would enjoy today, for his soul has been sucked dry for working eight hours straight without break.
"I don't know. I don't think I can do that today", Seungmin groans and shakes his head, and grains of exhaustion sprinkle over his voice.
"Well", Jungsu stops for a while, maybe trying to pull something out of his brain after being rejected, "Do you want to try something new?"
A flicker of curiosity pops up in Seungmin's eyes, "What's that?"
"Let's go watch the moon. Today's a full moon day"
This is something new that Jungsu mentions, for they have never spent a night out in nature. There were times they walked along the dirt roads, chatting about their hopes and dreams, or they had the winds swirl their hair strands while cycling during some sunny afternoons. But the nights normally are when they retreat to their own place, resting their heads next to each other after the day has enervated them. They rarely have the chance to experience nightlife together, until this moment.
"Fuck, I mean, yeah of course. Let's go", Seungmin stutters
This is how Jungsu has always been, caring for the smallest, the most trivial details in Seungmin's life. Days before, Seungmin just told him that he just wanted them to go out and do something together instead of being suffocated by the air inside their apartment. And now, they are going to take some time out in nature, as if Jungsu opened the books of his heart and read what's written inside and exactly recited it to him.
Seungmin felt understood. Love is one thing, for it feels like a word, a phrase can be showered headlessly. You can say you love someone a thousand times, then cut them off when the feelings fade. However, understanding walks a long way. It requires seeing through the superficial, accepting differences, honest communications, and most importantly, putting your ego aside to know a person inside out.
He has been loved by many, he has been touched by words of different men, but only Jungsu understands him thoroughly, accepting him for the person he is. Seungmin can pour his heart out, about how messed-up he was, and Jungsu would take it all with an open heart, consoling him, comforting him. Next to his boyfriend, he can put his mask off and close the red curtains, instead of continuing the show and invalidating his emotions.
He has cried a lot for men, like the times when he bawled his eyes out begging someone to stay, or where he had to confront the infidelity he faced. He has cried to Jungsu, and for Jungsu too, but it is a different kind of tears. He remembers the first time they had a row at each other, the last thing he blurted out of his mouth in anger and devastation was he would throw himself out of the windows to guilt-trip his boyfriend.
After that, Jungsu stared at him, the stare that Seungmin had never seen before, the stare that was a fusion of racing rage and fury, of deep sadness and melancholy, with a pinch of pity and sympathy. There was a lot happening at the moment, but he didn't care to remember, apart from being comforted and crying his heart out in Jungsu's embrace. His words, "We'll get through this, I'll be here with you, forever and always, I promise", were etched on Seungmin's heart, something that could last forever.
Something that simple now serves as their unbreakable oath. Jungsu is different from those men who left in silence, from those who gored Seungmin with swords of slurs. Jungsu is someone kind and so sincere, someone who calls his boyfriend his one and only destiny, someone that Seungmin places the weight of his heart onto. It would be embarrassing to look back to those agonizing moments when they're so happy now, but without those, they can never become who they are now.
The city is always sleepless; even if the sun has escaped from view, lights still manage to seep through every alley in it. Seungmin hates it; he hates the abundance of lights that bereaves him of his wish to become one with the sky, when everything carved onto it is tragically human-made. Maybe there's a place that stands no human, somewhere he can ascend, dissolve into the starry night, and stretch his body into a shooting star.
More than fascination, his relationship with the sky is slowly becoming a devotion. If he looks at reality, Seungmin knows he will never throw his life with his boyfriend away to be sky high. Yet in some escapist fantasies, he imagines his body turning into dust, floating into the night, somewhere he can be closer to the moon. He would give his weight away, breaking his body apart into pieces, while the moon would placate him, embrace him into its plump, silver body, tell him the world he's living in is so cruel and he isn't meant for that.
Maybe the only feasible way to achieve his dream is to be in space and take a walk on the moon. However, he knows that he has no spare money for these stupid dreams, and he wouldn't dare to force Jungsu to pay for this space trip for him. So, he just sits down on earth, wishing over a shooting star that one day he and his boyfriend can escape the cruelty the world is weighing down on them.
Seungmin knows for sure that Jungsu loves the life he's having with him, and so does he. He knew Jungsu when he was in his most dejected state—unemployed, kicked out of his apartment with little savings to spare. He wasn't any better—drenched in rainwater after finding out his ex-boyfriend's infidelity. They stumbled upon each other like two broken apparitions finding their own reflection in the other.
Then there went two years of living together, and five years being in a relationship. Seven years have elapsed; they have seen each other in their highest and lowest, in their brightest and darkest. There are some parts of Seungmin that he hasn't fully come to terms yet, but he can accept who Jungsu is wholeheartedly. His heart has fallen for Jungsu like a fool, and he'd love him rather than himself. He loves Jungsu more than anyone, and he would always set his selfish fantasies aside to suffer their miserable lives together.
"Baby, we're home", Jungsu's voice shakes him out of his thoughts again.
"Oh, yes, fuck", Seungmin sighs, rubbing his temper. He's been caught up in a vertigo, and he's been wandering in his own thoughts recently. He wishes to know what's going wrong with him, but he isn't able to find a clue for it.
"Minnie", Jungsu rests his hand on Seungmin's shoulder, "Are you feeling unwell? We can stay home tonight if you're tired."
"No I'm fine", Seungmin softens his voice, clasping his hand with Jungsu's, "I really want to go out with you today."
"Take care of yourself, will you?", Jungsu's other hand gently strokes Seungmin's cheek.
"I will. I love you so much."
They get out of their car and walk to the lift. The building's garage is filled with cars, with different colors and brands, but there are no humans in sight. When they reach their floor, apart from the dim golden light hovering overhead, there is still no one around. This is for the best, since Seungmin doesn't want to be interrupted by someone's gasps and tongue clicks when he's resting his head on Jungsu's shoulder and knitting his hand into his boyfriend's.
They have lived in their one-bedroom apartment for four years—a place they call home, and it was purchased by both of them working to their skin. Before that, they had to squeeze themselves in a single bed in Seungmin's tiny studio apartment, with the noisy sounds of traffic lulling them to sleep every night. Their love blooms in the warmth of proximity, of dedication, so even in the larger place, they are still in love like when they almost suffocated themselves in that small, spaceless bed. A lot is going to change, but they stay the same, always and forever.
"I'm going to take a shower", Seungmin yawns as soon as the door is closed, "Have you?"
"Yeah I have. I'm going to prepare for our trip", Jungsu turns his body to the kitchen, "What do you want?"
"Whatever you like. Just something to eat and drink", Seungmin replies.
"Sure babe"
Seungmin is welcomed by the familiar scent of Jungsu in their bedroom—something so fragrant and delicate, as if Jungsu became one with the room and embraced him tightly around his nose. He has acquainted himself with this scent for years, to the extent that he can feel it when Jungsu can be miles away. It's an overstatement, but it feels nothing wrong in his bones, or at least that's what he jokingly believes.
Sometimes, Seungmin is scared if associating his boyfriend to scents is somehow too perverted, and he sometimes feels like the murder who is overly obsessed with perfumes. For example, hugging Jungsu to him is like tucking in the sheets made of wildflowers and soft grass, while the woodsy smells of the oak trees suffuse into the air. Whenever he tells Jungsu about this, his boyfriend just chuckles then tenderly kisses on his cheeks, complimenting on his sensitivity, as if he could sense the love permeating in every corner of their apartment.
☾
The lavender scents idle out of the bathroom on Seungmin's half-naked body. He's been in there for an hour, doing routines that possibly make Jungsu think he must have blacked out in there. It's habitual, but tonight is different: they're having a night out, and a long shower would make sure that he will enjoy every single moment of it.
A strand of coffee-colored hair sticks to his skin. It looks so damaged, since he has no time to properly take care of himself due to the overloaded tasks at work. He would be a chameleon and change his hair weekly, if this job hadn't dresscoded his blond hair when they interviewed him. Fortunately, he was a distinctive candidate, and they were desperate to keep him, so they just told him to dye his hair back into a darker shade instead of berating him for his hairstyle.
Taking off his towel and looking inside the wardrobe, Seungmin carefully picks out what to wear tonight. A short-sleeved baby blue linen shirt, accompanied by ripped denim shorts, a brown belt, and a pair of white crew socks. Looking at his reflection in the mirror, he can't help but praise himself for being way too good at styling clothes, even if it looks way too basic (being a model in a fashion club during high school really helps him with this).
A silver crescent moon necklace is a complementary cherry to his outfit. This is what he loves most, for it is Jungsu's first ever birthday gift to him. They weren't really that rich then, but somehow Jungsu managed to save up enough money to give him a present. Even if he is showered with rare jewelries or costly garments, he cherishes this precious necklace more than anything, and he calls it his prized possession. It's a salute to their everlasting anthem of love, and its life exists out of its physical form, carving itself into the passage of time, becoming the officiant for their solemn vows.
It's another reason why Seungmin loves the moon so much. There isn't only himself in the celestial object, but he also sees Jungsu in it, someone who has stayed with him through the thick and thin. His friends once told him Jungsu is the sun, and he is the moon, but to him, they are the moon themselves. They are glued to each other, baring out the beauty residing within their love. Like the moon in the night sky, they find the best of each other after the night falls when no one is around. Their hearts can be cracked open and melt into a heart-shaped bed, where they can feel their presence and love each other more. To Seungmin, there's nothing better than loving and being loved sincerely.
A knock at the door.
"Yes?", Seungmin answers as he turns off the hairdryer, "I'm drying my hair."
"Can I come in?", Jungsu's mellow voice echoes through the wooden door.
"Sure"
The door creaks.
"My Minnie baby", Jungsu exclaims, "You look so damn beautiful". His right hand travels from Seungmin's palm, then softly lingers on the fabric attached to his skin. Slowly, it lands on Seungmin's half-dried hair, combing through the burnt-colored strands.
"Now your lavender shampoo is all over my fingers", Jungsu smiles.
"Thanks", Seungmin takes his boyfriend's hand from his hair and clasps them together, "By the way, I'm really looking forward to tonight."
"I do too", Jungsu says as he brings their hands closer to his lips and gently kisses on his boyfriend's hand.
Seungmin loves these red, velvety lips—the pair of lips that he has indulged in countless times, that he has vowed to keep his forever. A string of electricity runs through his spine, brewing something strangely familiar yet so new to him in the name of love.
"I'm almost done", Seungmin buries his head in Jungsu's broad shoulders, "Please wait for me."
"For sure", Jungsu kisses on Seungmin's hair and leaves the room, "Remember to bring your jacket."
A simple action, but it's very typical of Jungsu's caring personality. It weighs more than any present Seungmin was given; it is a declaration of the everlasting flames in their perpetual love, something they decide to protect no matter what happens.
Seungmin grabs his bomber jacket and his satchel, then shuffles to the entrance where Jungsu is waiting. He's wearing a simple navy shirt with white cargo shorts, and next to him is a basket, a picnic blanket, and his varsity jacket.
"What's inside that?", Seungmin asks
"Ham sandwiches and apple juice. We'll drive a long way", Jungsu answers while tying his laces.
"Alright", Seungmin puts on his sneakers while standing, "Let me hold it for you."
"Thank you baby", Jungsu stands up, giving the basket to Seungmin while holding the rest to his waist.
"Now let's go, shall we?"
"Of course."
Their footsteps echo in the empty corridor, followed by the mechanic sounds of the lift. Then come the sturdy thuds of the car doors and the loud revving sounds of the engine.
Their car leisurely passes under the refulgent billboards that shine across the city. Their existence is a small pigment that adorns that bustling life, the painting that is colored with shades of vitality, of sensation, of eternal youth and freedom. Opposite to the boisterous, high-spirited life, Seungmin and Jungsu are living in their own world, vibing to the jazzy rhythms on the radio, as if the world were now under their movement. They fly through the crowds, the modernity that smothers them, into somewhere they can find peace within their hearts.
Looking at the fading lights falling behind their car, the tranquility Seungmin has been longing for starts catching up to him. Has it been days, weeks, even months since the last time he felt like this? To be the child that used to be, to experience the nostalgia rushing back to his heart through the bloodstream. He misses this freedom, the sense of freedom taken from him by adulthood. Even if it exists only for an evanescent moment, he will seize any chance and hold onto it forever, for it might fade away if he ever dares to let it go.
Seungmin can see his carefree days riding the wind, passing by like the fireflies carried by the wind. They are hoped under the darkened sky, gracefully adorning the world with their ephemeral lights. One can never live fulfilled if the existence of them is corroded by the cruelty of time, and so does he. They are the foundation of his resilient heart, his hopeful soul, and they are the torches of his existence.
Those days have also given Seungmin strength in a world full of brutalities. Without them, he could have fallen prey to the barbarity lurking beneath the alluring facade of everything. He might have died, or he might have lived with his soul unrecognizably shredded to pieces. And without them, he might have never found the love of his life in the world that savors in pushing him down precipices every time he dares to climb up.
The night sky is glazed with stars as the city lights fade away in the motion of their car. There are tiny crystalline sparkles staying aglow in front of Seungmin's eyes and sprinkling his pupils. On the side of the road, the trees, lush under the golden sunshine, now have infused with darkness, passing their car with their foliages mysterious beckoning them to come closer.
And there is the moon—a round, pale figure swaying on a blank canvas of the night. It is graceful and elegant, as if it has stepped out of a fantasy to carve itself onto the notes of reality. It is surrounded by the dancing stars, whose snowdrop-like twinkles accentuate its pale blue light that highly contrast the darkened sky. It is colored by pigments of dreams, brushes of imaginations, and splashes of irresistible charm.
Being suffocated by employment has deprived Seungmin of the breath-taking beauty of nature. The celestial bodies are still right there, but Seungmin seems to have been drowned in his own hectic life, and he fails to recognize the details of them. The stars are twinkling, and the moonlight bounces off the road and brightens the sky, bejeweling the scenery like a diamond necklace, enticing him to come and enjoy its grace. He can feel his heart growing bigger and floating closer to the sky, yet in the end, he will never escape from being an observer, standing down there and staring at the unreachable beauty.
It's fate, it's a hard pill to swallow, but it'll pass. So beautiful, yet so far away.
However, there is something more precious that withholds Seungmin's feet from gravitating towards the mysterious sky—Jungsu's love. Not a single word can truly encapsulate this love, and endless paragraphs will never be enough to capture it. In a horizonless cosmos, they happen to orbit each other, dancing in circles. Like twinkling stars in the night sky, they soak themselves in the heat of their love, against the freezing universe trying to knock them down.
There are thousands, if not millions of choices, that they could have lost each other in this timeline. If that day Seungmin had brought an umbrella, if that day he decided to stay inside and chew on his pain, if that day he had swallowed the bitterness and forgiven that man, he would never stay here with Jungsu, next to the person he has sworn to love forever.
Fate is a ridiculous game. You abide by the rules, and the game will work against you. You let the dice rolled by the universe, suddenly everything would cascade into lines. Years of catapulting his love to men who regarded it as nothing were comically devastating, but now he's here, sealed next to the love of his life, as if those years before this had become weightless.
Love, understanding, desire, devotion, whatever people want to call it. What Seungmin needs for now and forever is Jungsu by his side. Just him, and only him.
⋆｡ﾟ☁︎｡⋆｡ ﾟ☾ ﾟ｡⋆
Seungmin wakes up again, and the car is still running, with a random singer showcasing her vocals on crescendos through the radio. In the midst of darkness, Jungsu is holding the steering wheel, inaudibly lip-syncing to the lyrics, swaying his head to the melodies. He's caught up in his own world after Seungmin dozed off, apparently.
Seungmin yawns and stretches his arms, "Oh hi"
"You wake up", Jungsu turns his head to Seungmin for a brief moment then lowers the volume; his voice is steady and soothing, "You must have slept well".
"Yeah I definitely did", Seungmin yawns one more time then asks, "What are you listening to?"
"Nothing. Just anything on the radio."
Jungsu sounds tender, and somehow a tiny bit of exhausted.
"Are you tired?", Seungmin suggests, "I can drive so you can rest well. It's been like three hours", he says as his hand reaches Jungsu's hair and combing through it.
"I'm just fine babe", Jungsu sweetly responds, clasping his right hand with Seungmin's, "You deserve to rest more. Your day was way more tired than mine"
"If that's what you want", Seungmin retreats his hand to the phone in his pocket then asks, "It's nearly 12, where are we heading for?"
"The beach. That one?"
"That one?"
"Yeah"
Seungmin knows exactly what Jungsu is referring to—that one deserted beach that they had stumbled across during one of their car rides. It was an accident that they kept as half of their heart. The secret was a golden shore, with silver waves rhythmically crashing over the sand on one side and scattered rocks on the other. Tall pine trees embrace the area with their deep, emerald foliage. This beach is a place reserved only for them, as if nature had sliced a part of her heart and knighted them with it.
Seungmin still has in mind the memory of sun rays kissing their warm skin after they had soaked themselves in the salty water, when they have the world bend its back down for them. How can he forget their playful moments of splashing water around, how can he forget Jungsu's gentle kisses on his lips, and how can he forget their palms romantically clasping together while walking barefoot back to their car? They were scenes cut from a coming-of-age picture, captured in sweet sunlight and tender winds.
Now when the darkness takes over, and the moon hangs around in the sky, a sense of mystery fills the familiar beach. Both Seungmin and Jungsu are equally intrigued with what the water holds. When the night falls, the moon shines over their love in the darkness, polishing it with a silver glow. They look up to them, like torches that would light up their road to ecstasy.
Whatever it is, it is beautiful, and truly blissful—to be down here and gaze over the magical night.
"How long until we get there?", Seungmin asks, fidgeting with his hair strands.
"Maybe in half an hour", Jungsu answers, "And I have our slippers in the trunk if you don't want to have sands tickle your feet."
"Oh", "Thanks", Seungmin's voice is sweetened, and his features soften at the thought of his boyfriend's action.
Jungsu has his own way of making Seungmin feel loved. There's no need to be loud and inform every aspect of their romantic life to the world; sometimes it's just taking care of each other gently and silently. And it's beautiful.
At the start of their relationship, Seungmin wondered if Jungsu had really loved him, for he rarely heard "I love you", or any kind of affirmation words coming from him. However, it slowly dawned on him that Jungsu's way of expressing his love was mostly through unspoken actions, which were born out of everlasting love.
And that sets Jungsu apart from those bombarding Seungmin with loads of extravagant words, then doing nothing like promised. Jungsu is the person who sees what Seungmin's struggling with, then proceeds to help him without complaining. Jungsu is the person who has his hands speak louder than his mouth, the person who spoils Jungsu with his love but also teaches him valuable life lessons about love. After all, Jungsu is the person who loves Seungmin with respect and sincerity, not using him for his tongue.
"Love is not enough in this world" is a truth they both understand. However, without love, there will be no Jungsu, and no Seungmin. There will be no heart that would burn for each other. There will be no hand that would work to keep the mouths alive. There will be no eye that would see through the hardships into the beauty hidden beneath the surface. Without love, there will be nothing.
"Jungsu-yah", Seungmin speaks up, letting his thoughts free-float, "Can you turn up the radio?"
"For sure"
On the radio, they're playing a song whose name is unknown to both of them. It starts slow and simple with synths, then drums appear, building a climax, all accompanied by airy, low-pitched vocals. The singer is singing about love. She delivers it so viscerally that Seungmin can feel her soul in the car with him and Jungsu. But the most interesting thing about this song is the surprising use of wind chimes—something he has never heard before in any songs.
"That sound is beautiful", Seungmin compliments.
"I know right", Jungsu agrees, "And the way everything harmonizes makes me picture what she's singing about."
"Right? Like she has her own distinctive way with her words and music", Seungmin admires.
"Honestly, I hope this song never ends"
Seungmin thinks so too. The wind chimes feel so crystal clear, as if they were glistening stars formed of water particles, dropping like diamonds into lakes and ponds, with their sound waves penetrating through the windshield. These stars are sprinkled across everywhere, accentuating the sky with their constellations of melodies sung by nocturnal angels.
That specific part of the song seems to stretch itself across the ride, submerging into the time; they're already at the beach when Seungmin gets up from his wind-chimes-filled dreams. It was gorgeous, he thinks, for it has set the tone for tonight—a magical, dreamy, sparkling fantasy, surrounded by nature and mysteries
"We're here", Jungsu sweetly turns and locks his gaze at Seungmin's, "What do you think?"
"Well…", words coagulate in Seungmin's throat, "well…"
"It's wonderful,... and mesmerizing". Seungmin can feel his ears redden by the time he finishes his sentence. He knows this place like the back of his hand, but tonight is so much different—they're doing something new, at an unusual time. It's like their pens start writing a fresh page of their lives.
"I'm glad you like it", Jungsu kisses on his boyfriend's cheek, "Now let's get out of our car, shall we?"
"Yes"
When Jungsu takes out the picnic blanket from the trunk, Seungmin grabs the basket and gets out of the car; both changing into their slippers. The beach welcomes them with its cool guts, brushing through their hair with its salty scent. They stroll on the cool sand until they find a desired place to lie down and watch the moon. After setting the mattress and putting the basket down, they lay on their backs, setting their eyes on the beautiful night sky, while the sea is humming its favorite song to their ears.
In front of their eyes is a peculiarly bewitching scenery of the night beach. From where they are resting on their backs, the horizon seems to disguise itself in the dark, merging the sky and the water together. The waves' lullabies might never fade out, and the motions might never cease from caressing the sand. Their love to the shore is immense, powerful, to the point that whenever they have to ebb away, they would cry out a song ridden with remembrance. On the water surface shine bright the reflections of the astronomical objects, glistening into a pathway to heaven.
But what intrigues both Seungmin and Jungsu the most is the full moon, standing proudly in the middle of the sky, whose light overwhelms the little flickering stars. Its spherical body spread its plump body wide across their eyes, caressing their skin with its gentle rays. It appears like a muse crafted out of ignorance and curiosity, for people will always be attracted, but there will be no trace of what or where it is. More than its cryptic nature, the moon is the representation of love, of power, or whatever Seungmin wants it to be—the omniscient god, the loving mother, or a mysterious figure.
Seungmin's mouth stays agape at the beauty he's longed to see. The clouds scattered over his brain are being blown away, allowing him to observe it with a refreshed mind. He wants to be buried in this dream forever, the dream of being in the presence of someone and something he loves.
Seungmin turns his head to his side, seeing Jungsu having the same reaction to him. With his head resting on both of his hands, his pupils become the well of those galactic lights, shiny and full of sparkles. His perfume lingers on his skin, permeating the atmosphere—the scent of wood and wildflowers, of home. If there is someone, or something that can vanquish the power the moon holds, that'll always be Jungsu, whose presence is a gift, a wonder, a magic of this world.
"Beautiful, isn't it?", Seungmin admires, when his gaze is glued to his boyfriend.
"Sure it is", Jungsu turns around, "You have this lovey-dovey look on your face now", he says cheesily.
"Maybe because of you", Seungmin chuckles, "You're the moon of my eyes."
He extends his arm over Jungsu's torso, positioning his head on the other's elbow, "I love you like forever, you know that right… And I can never explain that, and…"
His sentence is cut short by the growl of his stomach.
"Shit", Seungmin groans embarrassingly, "I have not eaten anything since noon."
"Minnie, you really have to take care of yourself better", Jungsu's voice is drenched in worry, and with one hand caresses Seungmin's clear cheek. Then he sits up, opens the basket, and takes out two sandwiches, "Here babe, this is for you."
In the pale moonlight, Seungmin can barely recognize the outlines of the sandwiches, though his eyes have already adapted to the dimness. However, his hand perfectly reaches for it, as if Jungsu telepathically transferred the waves of the sandwich to him.
"You're so sweet", Seungmin takes a bite, chewing on it like a reward after an exhausted day, "This is SO so delicious. I can't believe this is homemade."
"YAA", Jungsu flusteredly protests, "What do you mean by that?", he flippantly nips at his boyfriend's waist
"Damn it fucking hurts", Seungmin moans in mild pain, "Okay okay it's really delicious and it's made by your lovely hands."
"Of course it is", Jungsu sulkily says,"It's made by your boyfriend. It's made out of love"
"I know, I know"
He never really changes. Still that gentle, benevolent, compassionate, and also funny, easily provoked person. Still that person whose hands Seungmin has drawn his imagination on, still that person whose lips he has indulged in deeply. After all, he's still Kim Jungsu.
Fifteen minutes are enough for them to finish their food and talk about trivial matters. They lie down again, with their stomachs filled with ham sandwiches, apple juice, and salty air. Looking at the sky with his boyfriend, Seungmin has hundreds of thoughts rocking to and fro in his head. He thinks about the what-ifs, the could-haves, and himself in parallel universes, if the path they have chosen would be better, or be down in a ditch.
His eyes move to the nature surrounding them. Tall trees ward the hustle and bustle off their peace, and well-cemented beach rocks become their companion for tonight. Closing his eyelids, Seungmin immerses in the symphony of the sea—the idling winds and the clear waves harmonizing with each other with the guide of the earth.
The moon still glows brilliantly in the sky. Its rocky surface is smoothed out, dipped in porcelain glaze, hanging like a pearl on the obsidian sky. Seungmin wonders if there are any lives up there, thriving in the glory of the light, or lurking beneath the eternal shade. Maybe they are waltzing, or caroling their nocturnal songs.
However, no matter how far the distance, there's always an invisible, unbreakable thread that ties them all together. They possess something Seungmin aches to have, but he possesses something the angels wouldn't even dare to dream about. He has loved with his heart, loved until his senses went numb, loved like the end of the world was going to consume him, and that has made him the person he is now—he can be exhausted, but he is indefatigable.
Maybe Jungsu thinks about him the same way, the way they would burn for each other, have their life sacrificed to keep the other safe. One day that fire may die out, but their passion will stay, simmering in their veins and vessels.
"Hey look", Jungsu yelps, and his finger points at the northernmost part of the sky. Right there, where the moonlight can't reach, meteor streaks are darting across the starry surface, with their tails igniting, then swiftly dissipating into the air.
"It's beautiful", Jungsu marvels; his other hand reaches for and holds onto Seungmin's. "I always want you to see this. I can't believe it happens tonight", his voice echoes softly in the atmosphere.
"Really? Since when?", Seungmin shifts closer to his boyfriend.
"I have read a lot of articles on this topic, and I'm quite fascinated by that", Jungsu smiles proudly and enthusiastically, "They're one of a kind."
"Spare me what you have learned. I'm dying to hear", Seungmin places his head closer, and his gaze switches to Jungsu, who's still exuberantly lingering his eyes on the falling stars.
"Well", Jungsu shifts his gaze to his boyfriend's glossy, star-filled eyes, then back at the flickering tails, "We can't really see meteors on a full moon day. They are often overshadowed by the moonlight. That's why I said I couldn't believe it when it happened."
As the words flow, he draws lines towards the sky, imagining something, then mellowly says, "It feels special, you know? Just us, and the sky."
Seungmin nods along, slowly embracing Jungsu's waist.
"And there's something else I want to share", Jungsu continues.
"Yes please!"
"So…", Jungsu clears his throat, "I'm sure you know about the astronomical rocks that fly in space. And not so surprisingly they have different names based on their behaviors. We have meteroid, meteor, and meteorite."
"Wait really?", Seungmin is awestruck at the new information he has learned, "I thought they are the same."
"No they're not", Jungsu chuckles
"Tell me more about that, like what are the differences?"
"So first we have meteoroids. They are small, rocky objects that wander in space. They are too small to be called asteroids. And we can't really see them down here because they're way out of our sight."
Seungmin nods, signaling his boyfriend to continue.
"Then we have meteors", Jungsu points at the fading streaks on the corner of their eyes, "Exactly what we are seeing. They are meteoroids that reach the earth's atmosphere. They travel really fast, then get bigger and brighter until they form the tail. And that's why they have the name shooting star."
"Oh so that explains really well why they are so bright.", Seungmin exclaims, "But what are meteorites then?"
"So if the meteors survive the pressure, the friction, the ionization and the whole journey, they become meteorites. They hit the ground eventually, for example", Jungsu eloquently explains, "The chance of meteors surviving the fall is slim, so if they are rare and scientifically valuable."
"Ahh", Seungmin lets out a sound of approval and understanding.
"What do you think about this then?"
"I think it's beautiful, astronomically and metaphorically."
"I agree. Can I know more about what you're thinking?"
Silence and calm breathing is Seungmin's answer. He has a flair for understanding symbolic imagery, but sometimes he's unable to articulate his comprehension. He could have studied literature, or he could have made a career in writing, but none of that would pay him enough to live during this time. Many beautiful things had unfortunately been corroded by hustle culture, and there was no way to properly preserve all that. His regret was having abandoned the call of his heart—fashion, literature, art.
Law was his compromise, but he found little happiness pursuing that. He remembered his adverse criticism towards capitalism, his vows to never get exploited, only to be forced to participate in that vicious cycle. Reality was a dealbreaker of his dream, and money was his motto for a long while, until he met Jungsu—that was when the long-buried flame got sparked up again.
Jungsu taught him the most simple thing—how to find love and joy in every aspect of his life, no matter how tedious it would seem. That one lesson has helped him pull through the most dreadful phase of his life until now, and it also has tremendously fueled the ignition of his artistic self again. The effects of that money-driven lifestyle are irreversible, but he's steadily getting his colors back.
When he's with Jungsu, he is encouraged to read more, to dive into the witty world of words, to put his thoughts into legible lines. They read books together, comment on the theme and the usage of literary devices, and appreciate the legacy of numerous authors. It's miraculous to live the way your heart wants, and it's a long road to achieve it, but he's on the right path, by radically expressing himself, asserting an idiosyncratic declaration through his clothes and his words.
And in every journey, there will be a moment of unwinding. Right now, it's exhausting to ramble on and on about metaphors like a conceited connoisseur when the moon's there, hanging like a pearl of mystery, enticing whoever walks by to sit down and observe. There's no need to elucidate anything, for it will be better when staying in obscurity, being understood telepathically, in total silence. It can be about anything, and no claim is made to be solidified; they are meant to be ambiguous, to be kept to oneself, to be open for interpretation.
Seungmin's thoughts circle back to the rocky objects faintly glowing in the night sky. What would he become if he hadn't been born with a beating heart? He would be an immortal jellyfish, floating endlessly in the current of time, living the eternal cycle of polyps and jellyfishes. Or maybe he would be a pine tree, overlooking the sea, shaking his foliage to the blues of the waves. Or maybe he would be a meteoroid, wandering aimlessly in the lightless cosmos, all alone.
Alone. All alone.
If he hadn't been born a human, he would be on his own, fighting for his life with no one, or nothing by his side. That thought scares him. He's delighted to be here, holding Jungsu's hand, roving his thoughts away to the middle of nowhere. If he happened to lose his boyfriend, it would be an irreparable nightmare, the bad dream that can taint him with tar, making him sink, and finally swallow him. Sometimes he begs the sky, or clasps his hands together to whoever's up there, for a sweeter, simpler life with Jungsu for a long time. He wouldn't dare to wish for forever, but as long as possible is enough.
"Seungmin-ah", Jungsu pulls the other's hand, "We forgot to make a wish!"
"Oh fuck!"
Right, they are watching shooting stars, and of course some wishes will be made. It's time his wish became a part of the air and engraved on the world.
"I, Oh Seungmin", he tightly clasps his hands together, then closes his eyelids; he sounds solemn more than ever, "wish that me and my boyfriend, Kim Jungsu, will forever be like this, no matter what happens."
As soon as he finishes his prayer, the meteor's tail disappears. And that's the last one to appear for tonight.
"You made a wish just in time", Jungsu applauds.
"We are just lucky, aren't we?", Seungmin laughs, "The stars and the sky are always on my side."
Of course, they're always standing by him, so that he could find Jungsu with the probability lower than zero, and he could live with his heart hugged and protected.
Seungmin looks up to his boyfriend's face, pretty and shone with moonlight. Next to Jungsu, the moon has lost its charm, for his beauty is so magnetic, and inside Seungmin's vision stands the sole image of him. He's amazed with how he looks, as if he were heaven-sent, a gift presented to him by the angels. His eyes are filled with ardor, and his fingers are laced with kindness and adoration. Seungmin wants this image to stay, to linger in my mind, and he would do anything in his hands to save it from corrosion.
Maybe forever is not a bad word at all, for he just wants to keep him and his boyfriend in this moment eternally. He loathes having his soul drained out of his body again, so he is internally praying for time to stop. After that, he feels that his wish is granted for a moment, maybe it's enough for him to cherish the beauty, to appreciate what life has offered him.
Seungmin turns his face to Jungsu.
"Jungsu-yah"
"What's wrong darling?"
"I love you. And there's nothing explainable. I just love you. With all my heart. I love you forever."
There's a pause in the air, for they are both finding the words to say to each other.
"And…", Seungmin continues, and his face blushes, "I hate that time is always running so fast when you're next to me. I hate that I'll have to come back to my fucking job when this ends. I just want time to stop, so I can have you longer. Isn't that hard to wish for?"
He feels like tears are going to burst out of his eyes if the emotions keep driving him out of his head. He fixes his gaze to Jungsu; their eyes meet each other's, then both slowly melt into a sweet gaze. Their pupils become moonlight-catchers, alluring the brightness into the deep brown wells.
"Minnie", Jungsu softly assures, "I love you so much too. And it kills me to know this moment won't last forever."
He loosely weaves his fingers into Seungmin's burnt-colored strands, combing them gently.
"I want you to know that…", he brings his head closer and closer, until their noses can feel the heat of the other, "I'll always be here with you, and I'll stay with you no matter how long, no matter how far. And fuck everything that is trying to hurt my baby, I'll protect you forever."
That enunciated "fuck" has digged its way into Seungmin's mouth, leaving it open, gasping for the air from the atmosphere, and from Jungsu's deep breath.
Being too overwhelmed with emotions, Seungmin can only blurt out six nasal words.
"Kiss me already. I need you."
There's nothing to be said left after those are spoken out. Jungsu slowly joins the pulpy, berry-flavored lips that are wide open and waiting for him. The moon isn't able to lighten the scenery, but he can still recognize the blurry outlines of the lips, along with the kiss-me eyes Seungmin is wearing. The lavender shampoo hasn't disappeared yet; it crawls into Jungsu's nostrils, arousing him to use his lips more and more passionately.
They have been way too familiar with each other's pairs of lips; however, this time just feels different. They can't tell if this is the air, or this is their hearts pounding and begging for more that makes their kisses feel so special, as if the fire of their honeymoon phase were lit back and worshipped again. When there's nothing making sense, the moving of their mouths, the intertwining of their tongues, and the rushing emotions that take over their minds will matter.
In the atmosphere, there's barely any formation of letters, just a string of tender sounds of lips stitching in and out. As the waves and the winds are orchestrating the symphony of harmonious nature, two souls are finding each other again, with their arms clutching to one another, as if they were trying to hold their existence in the fast-paced life, and if one dared to open the fist, the other would be gone forever.
Maybe time has stopped eternally. The beach has hidden itself from the passage of time, so they can indulge in their love more under the cover of the moon. In the middle of the night, the moon looks like an iridescent white opal lingering over the star-sprinkled sky and the pitch black ocean. It's beautiful, it's the scenery Seungmin has longed to see, and his dream has materialized.
But more importantly, he's here with his boyfriend, and nothing else matters. Around them, there is no one, but Oh Seungmin and Kim Jungsu. They are savoring the time left before the sun appears and robs them of the rare time they can be so open to each other like this again. They kiss deeper and deeper into each other's mouth, and their hands keep touching here and there—on the hair, the hips, the backs, the thighs, everywhere that can be marked on their own.
The winds still sing, the waves still hum, the foliages still follow the wind. In the end, nature will always stay the same.
And they have this one and only wish, the wish that can freeze time, the wish that bars time from moving, the wish that was born out of love, the wish that they vow to keep it unchanged.
Day, please don't ever break.