Chapter Text
He felt everything…
Castiel felt everything and nothing all at once.
He felt the burn on his legs and the break of his ribs; he felt the ache in his arms and the burn of his tears.
Then again, Castiel couldn’t feel, not sadness or anger, not even pain, he was just there laying under tress and above broken twigs that stabbed his side.
he heard the cracking of near twigs and rustling of leaves right before he could rest his eyes and tune out his surroundings.
They came back to finish the job, the angels were done with him, and they were ready to get rid of the enemy that has killed their brothers and sisters, his family were ready to kill him and free themselves from they pain and loss he caused them.
He only wished he could bid his goodbyes to Sam and dean, his true family.
Oh, how he wishes he could tell dean. How he longs to admit it to him how an angel with little to no feelings or hint of emotion could fall for the righteous man he had gripped tight and raised from perdition.
The man who had tried again and again to trust, save, and forgive him. So flawed and yet so perfect.
If he could do it all over again he’d do so much differently, spared himself of little mistakes that resulted in destroying families and loss of trust, but he would not have changed, not for anything, his decision to pick the Winchesters, to pick dean over the angels.
Castiel saw visions of green eyes and furrowed brows, he saw expressions of betrayal and uncertainty, he heard yelling and pleading, and he felt hurt.
Not physical, like getting stabbed or the pain he felt before passing out, he felt his chest ache and his teeth shake, dread and guilt overwhelmed him.
He needed to get out, to fly away and escape, but he couldn’t fly away, and he simply wouldn’t run. He closed his eyes tight shut and hoped it had been all a side effect of taking on Sam’s hallucinations, surely enough he heard him before he opened his eyes.
“Cas?”
“Cas!”
In a way his name sounds more satisfying when it is yelled out in fear and anger, it is familiar and music to his ears every time he hears it, and it is always dean.
Dean?
Dean is here?
Is this death?
For a moment Castiel figured that he’d gone to heaven and the angels felt mercy. More than anything he’d ever deserved.
this is a dream... it must be.
“god dammit, Cas!”
He opened his eyes