Chapter Text
Her new supplier did not ask about the larger-than-usual amount of ordered pills when he handed them over to her skinny and pale hands. Pip´s eyes lit up looking at the bag, fantasizing about it all coming to an end soon. It had been too hard for too long, trying to get through her studies at Cambridge and lonely life in a small apartment she had been renting out since the start of her first year.
She just couldn`t take it anymore, the guilt of being a killer and the pain of becoming an only survivor. Wasn´t it pathetic how all of DT´s victims could have been having families, getting married, graduating university or doing something great right now? Instead it was her. Her, who was going to meet the fate she was always going to face very soon. Often times, while walking to class on the lonely streets of Cambridge, she used to think that she should´ve died in the arms of Becca Bell. The rohypnol in her tea, Becca´s fingers wrapped around her throat. Stanley might still be alive. She wouldn´t be in so much pain, numbing herself with pills and razor blades while wishing there was someone to stop her. Someone who would calm her during panic attacks, watch if she eats, hide the blades and throw away bottles of pills and alcohol.
In her mind, she knew exactly who that someone should be. But Ravi Singh was better off without her. At least that´s what she was telling herself while writing a short note for him. In case he still cares even just a little. Who knows: maybe he had already found the new love of his life, maybe Pip had soon been forgotten after the heartbreaking walk in the woods. He seemed to be angry after all, begging for her not to leave him. And Pip truly wished she hadn`t. A day didn´t pass without thinking about him, wanting to run back into his arms and not think about the trial and the burden they were carrying. Deep down she truly wished she had said yes. But that choice she made a little less than 700 days ago couldn´t have been undone.
The apartment was silent when she unlocked the door. It was hollow and definitely didn´t feel like a home to Pip. She hadn´t dared to hang up photos of two of them together, same thing for pictures of her friend group back in Little Kilton. She smiled sadly at her family photo, only reminder of the place she came from, besides the empty bottles of alcohol on the kitchen counter and empty plastic bags here and there. She truly wished she could´ve been a better sister to Josh. It had been 2 years since she last saw him. His high pre-puberty voice will be engraved to her mind forever, staying in the past while time moved on. She will be letting her mom down, who had already lost her first love. All that still reminded her him will be gone soon, too. She didn´t even want to picture her dad crying at the funeral, but she knew he would be more disappointed in her if he found out he had been raising a killer for all those years.
She took a bottle of cheap wine from the freezer and started popping the pills from the freshly bought stash. It was going to end soon. Pip took the bottle and pills and curled up in her bed, waiting for them to kick in. For once she was happy, ready to forget the nightmares of being back in the Green Scene, tied to the shelves, not being able to take the mask off. Her last thought was the call from Ravi. How he had been worried about her, searching for her. Finally being able to touch him after clearing up Jason´s body, kissing him for the last time before running off to university. She truly wished it had gone differently, that there was an alternate story where they had gotten married and moved in together and truly got to love each other for years. Who knows, maybe they could´ve even had a little family of their own. She didn´t want to imagine Ravi picking up apples at grocery store for some other woman´s child. But for the sake of him, she had to accept it. Her life ended here, not his.
She started to doze off when the phone rang. Taking all the energy she still had left in her, Pip picked up the phone. Ravi. Ravi Singh was calling her. Figuring that nothing could change her plans anyway, she picked up the phone.
"Hello?"
Ravi´s voice was still the same, maybe a little more mature and tired, but still the same.
"Pip, it´s me. The trial has just ended. It´s over. We are okay now."
Pip wanted to cry. Hearing his voice during the last moments of her life was perfect. With tears streaming down her cheeks, she replied to him.
"Thank you. Thank you for everything."
She was now on the edge of unconsciousness, mumbling words quietly like she was running out of time. Which, unironically, she was.
"Pip, are you okay? You don´t sound well. Where are you?"
Ravi sounded a lot more nervous now, his voice quivering.
"I...I will be gone soon. I can´t do this anymore. I´m sorry, Ravi."
She was really struggling to talk now, Ravi being the only thing tying her to reality.
"Tell me right now where you are. I´m close to Cambridge. I´ll come and get you. What´s your address?"
He was panicking now, trying his hardest not to sound broken by her decision to end it.
"I don´t want you to. It´ll be better this way..."
Pip had made her choice. She didn´t want him to come and ruin his life by saving hers.
"Pip stop, I can´t lose you too. Please let me see you one more time. Please put your shared location back on and I´ll come and get you."
Pip considered it. It hurt to hear him break because of her. She knew losing Sal had been hard for him. Thinking she owes it to him, she took her phone and shared her location to him before being taken over by the dark matter of her decisions.