Work Text:
It was his own decision to be there. Sakura reminded himself while Tsugeura was holding his and Kiryu’s arms in his. Sakura wouldn’t really mind, but the boy was strong and his arm was starting to get numb.
“Tsuge-chan,” Kiryu said, trying to get Tsugeura to let his arm go, “could you please stop trying to rip my arm off my shoulder? It hurts.”
“Sorry! I’m just nervous and didn’t control my strength,” Tsugeura yelled, letting both of their arms go.
“Tsugeura-san, if you’re that scared maybe you could stay with Sugishita-san” Nirei was on his other side, looking at Tsugeura worriedly. “We know you don’t like horror.”
“Nirei-kun is right. You don’t have to force yourself Tsugeura-kun.” Suo was a little bit behind them, walking with a straight back and holding his hands behind him. If he was holding them a bit tighter that usual, nobody mentioned it.
“No! It is my virtue to overcome my fears.” Tsugeura flexed his arms and took a deep breath.
Sakura sighed and shook his head. It was Kiryu’s idea to come to the funfair in town after Sakura said that he had never been in one. It had been fun so far. He liked the attractions and the food was good. Most of all, he liked that his friends were with him laughing. Everyone was seemingly enjoying themselves. It was a new experience for him as most experiences in Makochi had been.
He was also learning a lot of new things about his friends too, like how Kiryu was exceptionally good at claw machines and Nirei had excellent aim. Between them both many stalls lost their most precious prizes and all his friends received many of them. Sakura looked at his black and white cat plushie that Kiryu won for him and gave it to Tsugeura.
“You can hold it if you’re feeling afraid.” Tsugeura looked at him with shiny eyes and thanked him, holding the plushie tightly.
“Aww, Sakura-kun is so kind.” Sakura heard Suo behind him. “I’m jealous. I also want to hold cat Sakura.” Sakura blushed at Suo’s words, but before he could retaliate, Nirei intervened.
“I didn’t know you were also afraid of ghosts, Suo-san.” Nirei looked at Suo teasingly and Suo’s smile got a bit more tensed.
That was another thing he learned from his friends. Nirei loved haunted houses —It was his idea to go to one after all— and apparently Suo was afraid of them, even though he didn’t want to accept it.
“What are you saying Nirei-kun? I’m not afraid of them.” Suo laughed nervously.
“It is OK to be afraid of them Suo-chan,” Kiryu said. His arm was once again in Tsugeura’s hold. This time, however, their arms were linked with the plushie in Tsugeura’s other arm and the gripped was lighter. “I like haunted houses, but I’m afraid of them too,” he said as a chill went down his body. “If I were alone, I wouldn’t be here.”
“I know, but I’m not afraid. I just wanted to express that I’d like Sakura to give me something too.” Suo shook his head lightly and looked at a blushed Sakura.
“I just lend it to Tsugeura while we’re inside the haunted house. It’s not a gift! Kiryu gave it to me!” Sakura yelled and Kiryu immediately brightened at his words.
“Sakura values my gifts!” Kiryu smiled widely and Sakura’s face turned a deeper shade of red.
“Of course I do,” Sakura mumbled and turned his face to the other side, looking at Suo. “I can get something from the claw machine too, later.”
Suo showed a surprised expression before smiling warmly at him. “I’d love that, Sakura-kun.”
Nirei who saw the interaction while taking notes turned to Sakura.
“What about you, Sakura-san? Are you afraid of haunted houses?”
Sakura stopped for a moment to think. He wasn’t sure since he had never been in one, but he didn’t think so. He wasn’t afraid of ghosts. They couldn’t do anything to him and he had never seen one. He spent countless nights alone in his shed without experiencing anything paranormal and most of the pain he’s experienced had come from other human beings.
In his experience, ghost were ideas. They were representations of people’s fears and pains. His own fears and pains took other forms. When you have to survive alone for a long time, when going home becomes your biggest fear and everyone around you denies your value and existence, you become the ghost. Other ghosts lose their power. Why should he be afraid of something he had never seen when he had to face the fear of being alive and still be denied of recognition. When he was younger, he thought he was invisible. He had to be invisible if nobody in the house talked to him or hugged him like they did with his cousin.
He learned later that he was not invisible. They just didn’t love him.
“I don’t know. As I’ve said, I’ve never been in one before,” Sakura blush diminished and his expression turned darker. “I know I’m not afraid of ghosts, though.”
His friends looked at each other and he felt Suo and Nirei grabbing both of his arms.
“Then, let’s discover it!” Nirei said and tugged them into the line for the haunted house.
They entered the main hall of the house. It was dark and cold. The decorations and background music reminded him of cheap horror movies. In Sakura’s opinion it wasn’t scary at all, but he saw Tsugeura grabbing Kiryu’s arm tighter and Suo’s smile tensing.
“It’s nice. The blood is quite realistic. I wonder how they made it,” Nirei said with shiny eyes.
Fake blood was seeping through the walls and staining the floor. It didn’t smell like it and actually Sakura thought it smelled quite sweet.
“There are many different ways of making fake blood. Once I made it with food coloring, jelly, powder sugar and cocoa powder for a cosplay,” Kiryu said, appearing quietly behind Suo with Tsugeura hugging him from behind. Sakura felt Suo flinching, but when he turned around Suo was just smiling even more widely.
“What is it, Suo-san? Are you scared?” Nirei smiled teasingly and moving to the middle of them to hold Suo’s hand while still grabbing Sakura’s arm.
“What are you saying, Nirei-kun? I’m not scared at all,” Suo replied still smiling, but not letting go of Nirei’s hand.
“I can hug you like Tsuge-chan is doing with me if you like,” Kiryu’s voice was soft and his hands were on top of Tsugeura’s.
“It helps and you can close your eyes while the other person is guiding you!” Tsugeura commented with his eyes closed. Sakura smiled at their antics. The difference between Furin guys and the people from his home town shocked him. He never thought he would meet people like them. Kind, not afraid of showing affection and care.
“What are we? A train?” Sakura interrupted them still with a small, soft smile.
“Thanks, Kiryu-kun, but I’m-”
“The blood is real, you know? It is mine,” Someone whispered, interrupting what Suo was about to say.
A woman with her face covered by her hair and a bloody white dress appeared in front of them. Sakura heard Kiryu gasping for air and run to the side corridor with Tsugeura still hugging him and mumbling something Sakura couldn’t understand. Nirei laughed and was about to say something when Suo followed Kiryu taking Nirei with him and therefore Sakura too as his arm was in Nirei’s grasp.
They ran until the corridor split in two. Kiryu stopped and started laughing.
“That gave me a scare!” Kiryu said when he calmed down and patted Tsugeura’s hair who was hiding his face in the crook of his neck.
“It wasn’t that bad,” Suo uttered while trying to hide his panting breath.
“Then why did you run?” Sakura was starting to make his goal of the day to make Suo admit he was scared.
“I didn’t want us to split up or get lost.” Suo’s smile was turning even tenser and Sakura wondered if it didn’t hurt him to hold such a fake smile for so long.
“Suo, you can say you’re scared. It doesn’t make you weak,” said Tsugeura, who finally lift his head from Kiryu’s back. “I’m very strong, but if it’s scary, it’s scary.”
“Tsugeura is right, Suo-chan. It helps me to say it out loud, it reminds me that it’s a normal thing and that I can react to it” Kiryu got closer and took Suo’s other hand. They were all connected either because one was hugging the other or because they were holding arms and hands. Sakura wasn’t scared at all, but he softly pressed his shoulder against Nirei’s. He liked the warmth of feeling his friends near him. It was a new concept for him and just recently he started to become use to it. Physical touch as comfort and not pain.
“Thanks, but I’m not afraid.” Suo’s tone was firm and they decided not to push it. Suo would talk to them when he felt ready.
The path was split in two corridors. One was well lighted with white walls and the other had rusty covered in blood walls. Sakura was going to take the white one when Nirei stopped him.
“The ones that don’t look scary are the scariest. Let’s take the other one,” Nirei looked at Tsugeura and Suo. Tsugeura was looking at the bloody corridor while tightening his grip on Kiryu’s body and Suo was looking at them with his usual smile. He hummed and turned to look at it.
“I don’t know, Nirei-kun. It seems that it’ll be difficult to see inside it. Let’s take the other one.”
Sakura could swear Suo’s breath was a bit shaky, but he didn’t say anything.
“And you Kiryu? I don’t mind either,” Sakura said, looking at Kiryu. He was patting Tsugeura’s hands.
“I agree with Suo-chan. Well lighted paths are better.”
Sakura saw Nirei shrugging and smiling more widely and a chill went down his body. Nirei was a force to behold when he wanted to be.
They started walking —still holding each other, which made Sakura think about how ridiculous all of them must look— and once all of them entered the corridor, a door closed the entrance suddenly and with a loud boom. They all flinched and stood still. Blood started to leak from the white walls and the lights to flicker. Nobody said anything for a moment, though Sakura saw Nirei mouthing ‘I told you’.
Sakura was about to start walking again when the lights went off. He could hear everyone’s breath, but it was so dark he couldn’t see anything. That’s why when he felt someone taking the hand that wasn’t in Nirei’s grasp, he thought it was Suo.
“Suo, don’t take my hand. If you hold both of our hands, we won’t be able to walk.”
Nirei tightened his grip and Suo laughed nervously.
“What are you talking about, Sakura-kun? I haven’t moved at all.” Suo’s voice was a bit unsteady.
Before Sakura could process Suo’s words, the lights came back and they saw a man wearing a weird red and white mask and a chainsaw. The man was holding Sakura’s hand and pointing at him with the chainsaw. I had never been threatened with a chainsaw before went through his mind. He heard someone yelling for them to run, but Sakura couldn’t even move his hand when Suo quickly kicked the weird man and, taking Nirei’s and his hands, ran following Tsugeura who was running holding Kiryu’s hand.
The lights continued to flicker and he heard the man grumbling. Sakura pitied the man. He was just doing his job. He didn’t deserve Suo’s kick and Sakura was a witness of how much they hurt. The idiots in KEEL they fought could also testify.
They ran until they saw an open door on the side of one of the walls. Tsugeura let Kiryu’s hand go and they went in. Sakura was about to do the same when Suo crashed against Nirei who was on his right.
“Suo-san! Are you OK?” Nirei helped him get his balance back.
“I’m fine,” Suo replied too quickly and tensely.
“Are you sure Suo? You look pale,” Sakura said worriedly. Suo wasn’t smiling anymore and Sakura saw his hands shaking slightly now that they weren’t holding anything.
“I’m fine I said.” Suo’s face was blank and Sakura recognize the kind of blank expression people wear when they try to hide what they’re feeling.
Suo turned to get into the room and unexpectedly bumped his hip into the door frame. It surprised Sakura. Even though Suo had a blind eye, it never seemed to affect him. Suo never bumped into things and he always appeared to be aware of his surroundings.
“Suo-san, is it your eye? Do you need help?” Nirei sounded as worried as Sakura felt. It was a first. They had never seen Suo acting so careless and impulsively before.
“I’m-” Suo didn’t finish saying because Sakura took his arm and pushed him through the door.
Tsugeura and Kiryu were already inside. Tsugeura hugging Kiryu again. The room was white too, spacious and with five chairs in it. One of the walls had the words “TIME TO REST” painted in blue.
“Now, talk. You’re really scared, aren’t you?” Sakura said in a no-nonsense tone, crossing his arms. It was fine with Tsugeura because they knew he would let them know if he wanted to leave and he was fine with asking to be comforted, but Suo was obviously trying to hide how scared he really was. Suo was forcing himself to be there unnecessarily and Sakura didn’t like it.
Suo looked at them tight lipped and took a deep breath.
“Yes, I am.”
Everyone stood in silence for a moment. It was Kiryu who interrupted the silence.
“So, Nirei-chan, how do we tell them we want to leave without finishing the ride?”
Suo tried to say something, but between Nirei and Sakura’s glares, he decided not to say it.
“Luckily, this room seems to be the one for resting a bit. Stay here while I look for someone to ask.” Nirei opened the door and went out.
Tsugeura slowly untangled his arms from Kiryu and sighed loudly.
“Thanks, Kiryu! You helped me a lot” Sakura looked at him and noticed how pale Tsugeura was.
“If you felt so afraid, why did you come?” Sakura asked. He didn’t understand it. Why go through something you didn’t enjoy?
“You all wanted to come and, as I said, overcoming my fears is part of my virtue.” Tsugeura smiled. “I must say I underestimated how scary it was.”
“Right? I thought I was going to be fine since I play horror games, but I almost cried when we saw that woman back there,” Kiryu said, smiling softly too. Sakura didn’t think it was that scary, but he saw them taking quick glances at Suo who was looking at the floor and frowning. It shocked Sakura. It was the first time he saw Suo frowning.
“I guess so.” Sakura rubbed the back of his head. “It was scary when that weird man took my hand. Thanks for helping me back there, Suo.” Sakura waited until Suo looked at him and smiled.
Suo looked at him softening his expression and smiling back.
“You’re welcome, Sakura-kun!”
Sakura thought of asking him why he tried so hard to hide how he was feeling, but restrained himself. He knew firsthand how hard it can be to open up to other people. He could only be there for Suo and listen to him when he decided to talk.
“I’m back! Watanabe-san will guide us,” Nirei said going into the room again with a man holding that weird mask in his hand. This time the man didn’t have the chainsaw.
“Just please don’t kick me again. You’re quite strong, kid” Watanabe said, laughing and looking at Suo. Sakura witnessed another first from Suo. He looked sheepish and had a faint blush on his face.
“I’m sorry. I acted without thinking,” Suo said and Watanabe laughed even harder.
“Nothing new, don’t worry! Now kids, come with me.”
Watanabe took them through an exit at the back and Sakura saw how Tsugeura, Suo, and Kiryu sighed relieved. Sakura sighed too, but for another reason. He was finally starting to understand what fondness feels like. He felt fond of them. They decided to go through something that scared them just because one of their friends liked it. Sakura also realized how they supported each other through it. Nirei held their hands and went to look for someone to guide them, so nobody else had to walk through the dark corridors. Even if he was afraid the whole time, Tsugeura never left them to run alone. Kiryu noticed Suo’s reluctance to tell them to leave and spoke for him. They held each other’s hands and never left the other alone. Hell, Suo even kicked someone and took them away from what he considered danger instead of just running away.
Outside the house, it was sunny and warm. It was crowded, but not the point of it being uncomfortable. It was nice. He felt happy. Sakura thought. He was always grateful of the times he felt happy, after all genuine happiness was a strange concept until he came to Makochi.
“Let’s take a photo,” Sakura interrupted the conversation his friends were having. Nirei smiled with shiny eyes. Suo looked a bit surprised before smiling as he usually does. Tsugeura put his arm around his shoulder and Kiryu looked at him like if he had grown another head before smiling widely.
“Good idea, Sakura-chan! I have the perfect filter for them.” Kiryu was about to take his phone out of his pocket when Sakura interrupted once again.
“Actually, I-I’d like to take some of them with my phone first.”
They would be the first photos he would take with his phone. His gallery was full of photos his friends sent to the chat, but he had never taken photos with it.
“Sure thing! Let’s take a selfie with it!” Kiryu told them how to pose, so everyone appears in the photo and Sakura pressed the white circle Kiryu showed him.
It wasn’t as good as the photos he’s seen other sent, —Anzai had an unexpected talent for photography— but Sakura couldn’t be happier. He had never imagined he could go out with friends and take photos of them. He never imagined he could be so happy just being with them and experiencing new things together.
“Do you guys think I could print this photo? I want to put it on my wall,” Sakura said without looking at them. He knew his face was all red, but somehow it didn’t bother him as usual.
“Sakura-san!” He heard Nirei saying and when he raised his head, Nirei was looking at him with teary eyes. Tsugeura was smiling, showing all his teeth. Suo and Kiryu both had similar expressions, teasing smiles that he had learned to love.
“I have the perfect place for that Sakura-chan,” Kiryu started saying and Sakura listened while they walked through the stalls.
Sakura would print the photo and would later realize that it was another first, having something in his little apartment that was just for decoration and not practical utility. Something that reminded him how fortunate he now was. He wasn’t alone anymore. It was the first photo of many others that would later cover his wall.