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He's sitting right next to you.
His orange eyes hiding behind those same triangular shades you've grown accostumed to staring at ever since the game, mouth running wild talking about whatever random thing, and then, suddenly, he turns to face you, and something in his demeanor switches. You can feel it, you can feel what he wants from you, what he *needs* out of you, and, truthfully, who are you to deny him?
He smiles, and you impulsively smile back. He reaches out to hold your hand and gets closer to you, you don't understand why but you do the same, your brain can hardly process what is going on but it atleast tries to make you close your eyes and do your best to make out with him.
Your lips meet, you can only imagine how he feels right now, the validation, the affection, the feeling of having somebody you love with all of your Heart doing this to you.
How you desperately wish you could share those feelings with him.
The carnal feeling of the kiss, at the very least, is the one thing you get to feel in its entirety. You push into him, prodding with your tongue, and his mouth almost naturally gives way. The good feelings you get out of the kiss are almost enough to fully drown out the bad thoughts in your head.
He holds you by the small of your back, you shudder, you focus on the feeling and not on the person doing the holding.
He pulls out of the kiss, for a second you feel frustrated, but that slowly gives way to something else, something you can't quite explain yet.
He looks at you again, his usual nonchalant face gives way to a light blush and a smile he can't seem to control. You can't quite grasp how to feel about that, it's a cute expression, isn't it? Atleast that's what everyone else would probably say, so why the hell aren't you sure about it? You keep staring at him, that unexplainable feeling slowly creeping further and further in.
"I love you." he says, completely running over the intrusive thoughts you were having and making you snap back to reality.
Impulsively and inexplicably, you blurt out an "I love you too."
The feeling gets worse after that, especially once his smile turns into a beaming, giddy expression, and now, it feels a little easier to grasp what the feeling is. It's a constant feeling of anxiety, heavy in your stomach and throat, every time you look at him, talk to him, feel his loving gaze pierce your body. The fact that you recognize that his love for you is causing this only makes you feel worse.
He reaches for a hug, breathing what seems to be a sigh of relief, you pat him on the back while he holds you so tightly you can hardly breathe.
The rest of the day goes by almost like a blur, with your anxiety getting worse and worse as things go on and you start to run out of conversation topics that aren't simple compliments made simply to not bore him.
At a certain point, as the anxiety starts getting to you badly, you're not able to take it anymore, having him around you like this for so long is exhaustive, you need him off your back (as much as you hate using that phrase for this). You quickly make up an excuse, of having forgotten some random important thing you needed to do, in spite of how you had cleared your calendar for this... you guess you'd call it a "date".
He gets pensive for a moment, and goes back to his usual poker face, almost like you having to go made him retreat back to his "masking" self, part of you feels upset at yourself over this, and another feels upset at *him* over it, for being so clingy, after all, what other choice do you have? You can't take being around him anymore, even if the contradiction of you supposedly "loving him" and not wanting to be around him all the time makes your heart ache and your head spin.
You give eachother a goodbye kiss, and he leaves.
As soon as you can't see him anymore, your entire mood, all of those feelings you had managed to keep somewhat bottled up suddenly hit you like a truck.
Your mood sinks like a rock in the lake, the intrusive thoughts get worse, you can barely think about anything but him, his smile , his "love" for you, and how you wish you never had to think about him, and all of this again.
Once you get home, you feel terrible, you still reply to his messages though, pretending everything is fine and that you loved spending time with him today. You can't bring yourself to tell him how you feel, it'd devastate him.
The more you try to wrap your head around all of what happened, the more it hurts, and at the same time, the pain helps you understand why you felt the way you did the entire date, why you feel terrible every time he displays affection or actually seems to want you around. You're afraid. Afraid of what he wants out of you, afraid of having to spend day after day living up to the expectation of someone who genuinely loves you, even though you know he can't love the *real* you, the you that you're forced to live with and live *as* every single day. You know deep in your heart that you can't live up to that expectation. If you keep this relationship up, you're going to break his Heart, and you can't have that. You love him too much to allow him to date such a screw-up such as yourself.
You lie down on your bed, turn your phone off, and close your eyes. As you drift to sleep, you try and imagine him going out with someone else, someone *better*. That, at the very least, lets you rest happily, atleast there he'd have someone who can give him the love he deserves.
Finally, you fall asleep, and leave your worries for another day.