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I’m not used to this new life yet, Jim wrote in their journal. It was late, and the captain was still out; no story time for them to miss out on tonight. No Olu to keep them company, either. Just their room, and their journal, and the soft sounds of the crew settling down to sleep above them.
They could go up there now, that was the thing. They’d shed the nose and the beard, everyone knew what they were. Knew not to call them a woman, too. There was nothing to hide, so there was nothing to fear.
They weren’t used to it, though. They didn’t know how to blend in with a group of men, to act like they belonged there. They’d only managed it at first by staying aloof and pretending not to speak. Now everyone knew they could, but they didn’t know what to say.
Olu’s gone off on some crackpot party with the captain and Frenchie and Blackbeard, they wrote, instead. Had to get dressed up. Olu’s all done up in fancy clothes like Bonnet, no pretending that he’s a slave this time. And he looks…
And now Jim’s words were failing them even with a quill. Olu looked…. he looked. Jim’s life hadn’t given them words for beauty. He looked magnificent. Like maybe he was going to follow Captain Bonnet and Blackbeard into their madcap world of parties and pretend.
Jim had only just started to have an inkling of who they were. And they’d never been any good at pretend.
They were just about to give up on their journal and throw themselves on the bed – though with little hope of sleep – when there was a knock at the door.
“Hi,” Olu said, when they opened it, and his shy smile was the same as ever, even in all his finery. “Can I come in?”
Jim felt something then, like an animal that wasn’t hungry but would never forget having been starved, that made them want to cling to him, to write this in their journal over and over so it felt like it would last forever. Everyone knows what I am now, and I don’t need anyone to check up on me and bring me food, but he still comes. He comes just to see me.
“How was the party?” they say, instead, as Olu comes and sits down in all his finery.
“Wicked,” Olu grins. He starts tugging at his cravat, just casually, sitting down there next to Jim. “Full of rich assholes. Frenchie and I took all their money and gave it to one of their slaves, and then Captain tricked them into setting their ship on fire.”
“Wow.” Jim didn’t even know where to start with that. “They just had money lying around?”
“Frenchie told them I was Prince Azi of Egypt,” Olu snickered.
“You’re not from anywhere near Egypt!”
“I know!” Olu cackled as he shrugged off his jacket, and then got stuck. “Sorry, could you help me? This stupid thing’s so stiff.”
He looked so magnificent in that outfit that Jim didn’t want to help, really, but they did, tugging the rich cloth off his shoulders. They weren’t going to say no to Olu.
“Anyway, we told one of them I owned a pyramid and I needed to sell a share in it, and then… this is the really genius thing about Frenchie, right? He told him to keep it a secret. So of course he told everyone else.”
“And they all gave you money for a pyramid you don’t own,” Jim said. “Sounds fun.”
“Yeah, it was a laugh.” Olu rolled his shoulders.
Without their permission, Jim’s mouth suddenly said “I wish I’d been there.” Then they snapped it shut so fast they almost bit their tongue.
“You would have hated it.”
“Yeah, but.” Jim didn’t know how to say it, wishing Olu wasn’t off having fun without them. Finding new things to do.
“Is it cool that I come back here?” Olu asked, after a minute. “I didn’t mean to intrude, I’m just so used to coming to see you. Seemed weird not to.”
“Yeah?” Jim swallowed, and decided to risk it. “You miss me?”
“Yeah,” Olu said, like it was easy, like it was nothing. “I mean I know it was only a night and you would have hated dressing up and acting like a rich fuck. But I did miss you.”
Stay, stay, stay, Jim’s instincts screamed out to say. “Well, you can keep coming here in the evenings. If you want. Since you miss me so much, I mean.”
Olu smiled, soft, like he knew what they were really saying, and Jim opened their journal again to bury their nose in the pages.
“Thanks, Jim,” Olu said, so fondly that Jim couldn’t look him in the eye.