Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Mulder pov

I hate parties. well only the ones hosted by the Bureau everyone's mean and the drinks are terrible. Scully On the other hand she LOVES them. I guess she likes dancing with random agents and drinking bad liquor I can understand the drinking but the being around those assholes no thank you! The reasons for my rantings is because she's making me go to one with her. I put on some black shoes to finish getting ready I wear an all black suit with a gold tie and gold accents with a black hat with a gold hat band to top of the black and gold look. I hear a knock on the door it must be Scully. I answer it and lo and behold it is her. She's dressed in a teal dress with her red hair done up in some sort of way i don't know the name of.

"Hey mulder how's it going?" she asks as I let her in my apartment

"good" I reply

"good" she responds 

"you ready for the party?" she asks

"yeah but I'm only going because you want me to" I say as I grab my wallet and keys and walk her out to my car

"oh I'm sure you'll have fun" she says softly as I open the car door for her before getting in and starting the car.

"you're being all gentleman like this evening" she compliments as I start driving. Maybe part of the reason I don't like these parties is the fact she goes and has fun and dances with all these random guys maybe I should tell her how I feel or even how important she is to me. but instead I just say shit like,

"it's the bare minimum"

"Mulder I cannot grasp how you're still single" she says in a I hope jokingly manner

"Haven't found the one" Truth is I have but she's a bit preoccupied with other guys or just other things in general 

"you'll find her someday I know you will"

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At the party things are miserable as ever I sit alone at the bar trying to ignore all the people

"Oh look spooky mulder's here wonder if he drove his UFO" one laughs 
"look it's spooky you here to prove the CIA killed kennedy?" another jeers                                                 "I Heard he came here with Scully I wonder if he probed her" one says to another                                "Don't turn me into a ghost Mr crowley" the last one says I've had enough at this point I just drink down another bourbon and look over at the main area and see Scully talking to all of her friends and other agents.

"more whiskey please" I say to the bartender he hands me another glass he filled it all the way this time. after another 30 minutes I lay my head on the bar and try to sleep. 

"Mulder? Are you ok?" Scully says softly. her voice is better than any music they've played all night

"No everyone was mean to me the drinks are terrible the music was worse and I didn't even have anyone to talk to if i wanted to be alone and sad i could be at home but without all the condescending comments from assholes" I say I feel like crying

"I'm sorry" she says while patting my back

"don't be"

"They're about to do slow dances we can go soon" she explains

"can't we just leave now I'll slow dance with you at my place I can't with this place anymore Please? Unless you have someone here in specific in mind then I guess I can go fuck myself and drive you home afterwards" I plead

"Mulder It's ok I didn't wanna dance with any one of those fools I the whole reason I wanted you hear was to dance with you and honestly doing it in the comfort of your home without anyone looking at us is even better I was scared you'd say no" she says voice full of sympathy 

"Thank god scully please just drive us home I'll dance with you anytime you want Hell that sounds incredible I'd love to dance with you" I admit just happy that she might have any semblance of feelings for me. We leave the building and get in my car and drive back to my apartment. She helps me out of the car and we walk into my apartment.

"would you please take off your shoes?" I ask as I kick my shoes off and she does the same I walk over into my living room and I throw on a Tchaikovsky romantic melodies cassette from the trift store and grab her hand. We just do a simple two step but holding onto her is incredible it makes that whole party worth it.

"this is so much nicer than any dance that anyone of those guys could do" Scully jokes

"yeah hey scully I wanna tell you something" I say here goes nothing

"I think I have a feeling what you wanna say" she says before kissing me and if it could lead to me getting my dream girl, maybe parties aren't too bad after all.

Chapter Text

Ahh yes Oklahoma home to the foothills of the Ozark's our story takes place in Tahlequah the capitol of the Cherokee nation in 2019 here we find Fox Mulder a sophomore at the public high school. He's lived here almost his whole life and people there aren't nice to him he's known as spooky because of his Belief in aliens and the supernatural and also because he went ghost hunting in the next town over in the hills.Dana Scully is new to this region she moved with her family after her dad retired from the navy. She didn't care how much her dad wanted to reconnect them to their Cherokee roots they people were mean she loved the area but everyone sucked but alas tomorrow was her first day of sophomore year at the new school.

8 AM

"Alright Class I am Mr.Skinner I will be your first hour honors biology teacher and for our first day I will be assigning Lab Partners and you will go over the syllabus" Mr skinner drones on as none of the class really cares they just wait for their names to be called.

"First of all the new transfer student Dana Scully you will be paired with Fox Mulder" Mr skinner says. Scully wasn't really paying attention but she was wondering why everyone was laughing at her for being paired with him.

"Oh shit new girl got paired with Spooky" A kid snickers before mr skinner tells him to shut it and fox walks over to Dana and leads her to his desk

"what the hell was that about?" She asks him

"Them laughing?" he replies

"yeah that"

"that's because they think i'm worse than the plague they call me spooky because I believe in the supernatural they don't even get to know me so save your self the embarrassment and tomorrow ask to switch partners" he explains

"Fo-" He cuts her off

"call me mulder"

"Mulder Surely you're not that bad I don't wanna be like those assholes anyways you seem cool even if you believe in silly things it's nothing to bully anyone over and also it's not like the ridicule would be that bad" she says while sitting at the desk next to his in the very back corner

"Hope you don't mind being called Mrs.Spooky" he retorts

"What?" she asks

"freshman year I got a female lab partner within 2 days everyone called her Mrs Spooky" he explains yet again

"oh" The rest of first hours goes fine they just go over the syllabus like they were asked. Second hour starts and she notices Mulder's in this class too she sits next to him just because he was the only person who'd been nice to her yet. 3rd hour Mulder is in her class yet again she decides to sit alone because it's a small class. At lunch she gets herself the school's terrible Chicken nuggets a gatorade and a bag of doritos. As she looks for a table all of the people say stuff along the lines off "hell no you're Mrs Spooky" eventually she finds a table that's just two people Mulder and another boy.

"Hey Mulder can I sit here?" she asks

"well of course Dana" he replies and the other boy almost chokes on his drink

"I'm sorry wait that's a girl? i was unaware you could talk to those" his friend quips

"SHUT THE FUCK UP BYERS!" Mulder yells "sorry about my friend Dana he's a bit of a dumbass" he continues

"it's fine Mulder" she chuckles as she eats the first nugget

"So dana where are ya from?" Mulder asks as byers thinks 'fuck this I don't care for their date' and goes to hang out with his loser friends outside

"Mostly San Diego we moved around a lot because my dad was in the navy" she says in a sort of sad tone

"You have many friends out there?" he asks

"no I think you're the first friend I've made in a long time" she admits

"same here I don't have many friends just you and Byers" he says

"wanna know something?" Dana asks him

"sure"

"People are already calling me Mrs.Spooky" she replies

"damn" he says

"I don't mind it maybe because I've never even had a boyfriend before and honestly you're pretty cool those guys are just haters" she admits

"I've never had a girlfriend and honestly at this rate I don't think I ever will" He confesses

"I'm sure you will one day" she says supportively and the lunch bell rings so they part ways and don't have class together again but they see each other again after school but in an unepected scenario.

Scully start to walk home as she doesn't have her license yet and she's in an alley between school buildings when a large man confronts her

"hey Mrs.spooky" he says omniously

"Too bad you're already claimed I'd be all up in that if I could" he says making her uncomfortable before pinning her to a wall

"HEY! YOU BEST DROP THAT GIRL RIGHT NOW" Mulder yells as he saw the commotion from afar and ran over

"Or what" he laughs

"Or your mama's gonna be folding a t shirt with your picture on it now drop her before I make you!" he calls out the guy and he drops her she's thinking she's saved when she sees the much larger man approach Mulder but before the large man can do anything Mulder punches him hard in his nose and as he grabs his nose Mulder Shin kicks him and kicks him while he's down then runs to Dana who fell to the ground in shock and fear.

"Dana you OK?" he asks frantically she stands up and hugs him

"thank you so much" she says shakily

"it's gonna be ok" he comforts her

"I Know" she calms down a bit "that was scary"

"I know but you're ok now" he assures her again "So Milady would you like a ride home?"

"Yes please" she says with relief and he grabs her hand at first she blushes but just follows him to a old VW Bug he unlocks it and gets in and she gets into the passenger seat

"sweet ride Mulder" she compliments

"thank you by the way what're you doing this evening?" he asks

"nothing why do you ask?" she replies

"We could go out to the Illinois river and relax out there" he offers

"Not today but we could friday so we could camp" she replies

"Perfect let me get your number" he says

"sure it's 619-867-5309" she says as he inputs her phone number into his phone

"then it's a date" he says as he pulls into the parking lot of a local asian restaurant called asian star "but for today it's my treat"

Chapter Text

Ah high school what a wonderful time especially for Fox "spooky" Mulder and Dana "leprechaun" scully. they call her leprechaun cus she's ginger. over past few weeks they've grown to be close friends even going to the football games together despite her not understanding the game at all. October 18 2019 bye week for football so mulder decided to spring a surprise camping trip on Scully instead of driving her home like normal the Illinois river was the perfect place in mid-October all the drunk floaters scarred off by the 78 degree days and he knew of a private camping spot with great river access. As per usual they had 1st hour bio together and sat at the same lunch table with the losers that he called his friends but after a long day they met in the parking lot

“So, Scully I heard your mom and dad are out of town this weekend.” he said leaning on a pillar of the nearby pavilion

“You heard right” Scully replies looking at all the camping gear in the bed of the truck

“Let me guess you want me to go on an alien hunting camping adventure with you?” she continues

“You know me so well” he jokes as he gets in the truck and starts it up

“So, get in the damn truck!” he exclaims

“Fine fine whatever”

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45 minutes later they pull into a gravel area behind a gate

“I thought we were going to the river this just looks like a gravel bar with shrubbery” Scully whines and points at the line of short trees about 60 yards from the car

“If you had some patience or some awareness, you’d know the river is literally right there you see the break in the treeline that’s where we’re going.” he explains as he puts his truck back into drive and pulls into an area just past all the shrubbery directly on the river. They sat in the truck for a bit looking at the scenery the dark green hills surrounding the gravel bars making up the banks of the beautiful green Illinois river. Mulder hops out of the truck and starts unloading the stuff he brought, and Scully soon joins in the unloading of crap.

“Hey, I’ve got a question for you, Mulder” She stares at him with an unimpressed look

“Ask away” he says as he unloads a cooler

“why’d you only bring obring one tent?” she asks

“I only have one tent” he replies

“Better yet why’d you only bring one cot?” she mean mugs him

“cus I'm broke duh!”

“Whatever you say bro I know you’re up to something” she says with a smug look

“And so, what if I am?” he asks back

“Maybe I'd like it” they both snicker a bit

“Maybe I’ll probe you like what those kids at school say. those fuckers!” Mulder yells then laughing like a crazy person

“Wait people say you probe me like one of your gray aliens?” she asks kind of disturbed by the apparent jokes made by their classmates

“they’re green actually” he defends and grabs a large fishing pole and a bag of nasty looking sliced carp

“What’s with the stinky shit Mulder?” scully asks

“it’s bait for the Illinois river monster an alleged mutant man-eating fish I have a creeping suspicion it’s just an abnormally large alligator gar” he explains while rigging a piece of the nasty fish in the bag on the hook. Mulder then Casts the bait into the middle of the river and starts setting up the tent.

“Some help would be nice” he yells to Scully who’s standing around doing nothing just kinda staring at the air mattress. She just sighs and helps him set up the large cabin tent. He sets up some chairs on the riverbank and they sit and talk until scully falls asleep in the chair from boredom

-----------------------------------shitty dream sequence transition ---------------------------------

Mulder grabs his fishing rod setting the hook

“GOTCHA BITCH” he yells as he fights the fish on the line he reels and drags the fish in it’s a giant gar about 8 feet long defiantly not the Illinois river monster but still an insane fish that’s when he gets an idea. He uses all his strength to pick up the fish and he sneakily opens the tent door and sets the fish next to Scully on the cot and then taps her shoulder

“Hey Scully look left” He giggles, and she turns and screams when she sees the fish

“WHAT THE FUCK MULDER? IS THAT A GAR?” she yells. Mulder laughs

“SERIOUSLY THE FUCK HOW DID YOU CARRY THAT UP HERE AND BETTER YET WHY?” she continues asking questions as Mulder picks up the fish and removes it and throws it back into the river.

“I’m sorry Scully can’t I make it up to you” he says

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Scully wake up in the chair

“I just had a stupid dream” she says rubbing her eyes

“I was sleeping in the tent, and you put a fish in bed with me” she continues and mulder laughs.

“why’d you tell me that I'm gonna do it for real now” he jokes

“Fuck you” she says and shivers it had gotten significantly colder since she dosed off

“You need a jacket?” he asks and stands up turning towards the truck

“What time is it anyways” she asks back?

“About 11:45” he responds

“Can we go to bed please I don’t feel too good and I wanna lay down” she complains

“Let me get out the cot” he says and grabs her hand “you wanna walk with me?” he says and she nods. They walk over to the truck and grab the double wide cot from the bed and bring it into the tent. Mulder sets it up and Scully sets down the pillows and gets under a blanket before Mulder joins her. They cuddle up together and get comfortable

“Better?” he asks

“better” she replies sounding satisfied. They lie in silence for a while.

“Mulder?” she calls into the darkness

“yes”

“I’ve had a rough week would you mind if I vented, I guess?” she asks

“I don’t mind tell me what’s wrong.” he replies and rubs her back gently

“Well, everyone else at school is rude to me and you’re my only friend, my dad pretends like I don’t exist half the time or at least that’s how it feels, and my cat got run over and I've been holding in all my feelings all week and now I'm tired but can’t sleep because of that nap” She says with a shaky voice

“I’m sorry about all that if anyone talks shit about you just let me know, OK?” he affirms

“No, it’s alright just hold me and call me sweet names please I just wanna feel better in the now I just wanna feel loved” she explains

“It’s alright dear you’re loved I’ve got you I love you” He whispers to her

“love you too” she sighs as she buries her head into his chest

Chapter Text

“Aren’t you glad to be working on the X-files again? I can’t believe that it’s been 7 years since they restarted us on this department” Mulder pontificates to Scully as he finishes up for the day

“It’s great” She responds glad to be done with work for the week. The phone rings.

“I'll get that” Mulder says picking up the phone

“Agent Mulder, speaking I see. Uh huh yeah, no uh that’s bullshit fuck you mister schmusk sir”

“The fuck is that about?” Scully questions

“DOGE cut our funding!” Mulder replies

“we’re jobless” he continues

“I’m fucked” Scully says shocked

“I could make that to be in more ways than one OH!” Mulder yells as he hip thrusts

“FUCK YOU!” Scully exclaims

“Can do” he laughs “but seriously I was so close to finding the truth about everything we need to get the bottom of this we’re meeting with Mr.Schmusk

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Late at night Mulder and Scully sneak into the oval office and see ronald rump and schmelon schmusk having a discussion

“finally, we can cover everything up and the covering up the cover up is a cover up too great plan greatest ever” rump pontifiactes

“YES KING!” schmelon yells as Mulder and Scully drop down from the celing

“GOTCHA BITCH” Mulder yells pulling a lightsaber he stole from an alien and then rump pulls his reverse engineered lighsaber using his fowl breath to knock out scully as he and Mulder engage in an epic duel.

Schmelon soon joins in with his own red lightsaber as mulder 2v1s them striking schmelon in the arm causing him to drop his weapon and he grabs it and starts dueling Rump with two blades. Mulder Strikes down Schmelon and kicks rump to the ground

“THIS IS OVER I’M ARRESTING YOU AND TURNING YOU IN TO THE SENATE!” Mulder yells

“NOOOOOO” rump responds “I AM THE SENATE!, UNLIMITED POWEERRRRRR” rump uses his stank ass breath to knock Mulder back and make him drop one of his weapons but then as schmelon gets up and corners mulder but just then scully grabs rumps lightsaber cutting down schmelon revealing his robot insides

“You fools” rump says “ZUCKERBOT ATTACK” then Mark 4 zuckberot with four arms jumps down and attacks the two heroes as the general grevious looking motherfucker knocks mulder down and stabs him through the abdomen like qui-gon

“NOOOOOOOOOOO!” Scully screams and she locks in grabbing his lightsaber and going quote goblin mode on zuckerbot cutting him in half just as rump gets up and slices one of scullys hands off making her drop both sabers and grip her arm in pain.

Just before all is lost Mulder uses the last of his strength tho stand up and stab rump through his heart and then penjamine nyetenyoohoo files in with a double bladed lightsaber and is about to destroy them charlie kirk shows up

“Get powned libs” he says

“TWIN? I THOUGHT I SLIMED YOU CUH“nyetenyoohoo exclaims

“My sliming was greatly exaggerated gng and you betrayed me you shouldn’t slime gaza fr” Kirk says while mogging ronald rump

“I thought you were a sith too!” Scully exclaims

“nah twin I’m goated now twin” 🙰◆︎⬧︎⧫︎ ⧫︎♒︎♏︎■︎ ♐︎◆︎♍︎🙵♓︎■︎♑︎ 🕈︎👎︎ ☝︎☟︎✌︎💧︎❄︎☜︎☼︎ ♐︎❒︎□︎❍︎ ◆︎■︎♎︎♏︎❒︎⧫︎♋︎●︎♏︎ ⬧︎♒︎□︎⬥︎⬧︎ ◆︎◻︎ ♋︎■︎♎︎ ⬧︎♋︎⍓︎⬧︎ ✂︎⍓︎□︎◆︎❒︎♏︎ ♍︎□︎□︎🙵♏︎♎︎ ♑︎■︎♑︎⬧︎✂︎

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and then mulder woke up from his dream

“man i need to quit smoking weed everyday MLG MTN DEW doritos he need some milk”