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"Fuck Agatha Harkness (Literally?)"

Summary:

Rio wants to impress Agatha Harkness, the most popular girl in school, but her attempt at flirting turns into a disaster. With the help of her best friend, Alice, she decides to take on Agatha with the plan 'fuck Agatha Harkness!' — but ends up taking the advice more seriously than she should.

OU

Rio blinked, confused. “You were the one who said ‘fuck her’…”
“RIO! When I said ‘fuck her’, I DIDN’T MEAN IT LITERALLY, FOR GOD’S SAKE!”

Notes:

(See the end of the work for notes.)

Work Text:

After lunch, Rio collapsed onto Alice’s shoulder like the world had just ended.

Apparently, she had tried to flirt — or rather, emotionally tripped and fell flat — with the most adored girl in school: Agatha Harkness. And, as always, the universe decided today would be yet another day to laugh at her existence.

“It was embarrassing, Alice,” Rio muttered, eyes brimming with tears.

Alice crossed her arms, outraged. “Just because they’re rich and popular doesn’t mean they can laugh at you for trying to hit on someone!”

“But she’s just so… perfect. Beautiful, smart, soft hair, those ridiculously blue eyes…” Rio sighed, staring into the void like she was looking at a mirage.

Alice raised an eyebrow.
“Rio. We are mad at her. You are mad. Complimenting the girl totally ruins the whole being-angry thing, you know that, right?”

“Sorry…” Rio said, blushing like always.

“One day, someone’s gonna have to put that girl in her place. Just because she’s gorgeous and has money doesn’t mean she gets to humiliate people,” Alice declared, raising a finger like she was making a prophecy.

“Fuck Agatha Harkness and those stuck-up brats!” Alice shouted, throwing her hands in the air.

“F-Fuck Agatha Harkness?” Rio repeated, uncertain. “Isn’t that a little… too much?”

“No, that’s exactly it: FUCK. HER.” Alice emphasized, syllable by syllable.

Rio hesitated for half a second. Then nodded. “Yes. YES! FUCK AGATHA HARKNESS!”

 

The bell rang. English class had just ended when Rio saw Agatha in the hallway. She was walking toward her locker, alone — no group of friends, no judging stares, just her.

“Maybe this is it,” Rio thought. “Maybe it’s time to face her. Alice is right. Someone’s gotta do it. And why not me?”

She took a deep breath. Walked into the locker room.

 

“Well, I think that went… okay,” Rio said, stepping out with a flushed face and a heart pounding like a drum. Behind her, a visibly shaken Agatha — messy hair, looking like she had just seen God and come back.

Rio ran straight to Alice, who was waiting outside the school.

“ALICE! Guess what!!!” Rio practically screamed.

“What? What happened??” Alice asked, alarmed.

“GUESS WHO JUST FUCKED AGATH—”

“WHAT??” Alice cut her off. “No. NO. Tell me you did NOT.”

“I DID! EXACTLY LIKE YOU SAID! Fuck Agatha Harkness!” Rio said proudly. “By the way, it was in the girls’ locker room.”

Alice went pale. “YOU… FUCKED HARKNESS? WHAT DO YOU MEAN?? THE HARKNESS?”

Rio blinked, confused. “You’re the one who said ‘fuck her’…”

“RIO! When I said ‘fuck her,’ I DIDN’T MEAN IT LITERALLY, FOR GOD’S SAKE!”

At that moment, like in a badly edited movie, Agatha and Jen walked out of the building and heard everything.

“Oh Rao…” Rio muttered, covering her face. “They heard!”

“Oh my God, RIO, THEY’RE LOOKING AT US!” Alice whispered in panic. “Shit… Jen is so gorgeous…”

“I’m sorry, okay?! I’m slow! I take things the wrong way sometimes!” Rio started pacing in circles. “What do I do? I literally just fucked Agatha!”

Alice was about to answer but froze when she saw Agatha approaching. Jen stayed a few steps back, watching.

“Hi, Wu-,” Agatha greeted Alice with a nearly mocking smile. “And of course, hello to you too,” she said, locking eyes with Rio.

“Uhm… hi, Agatha… hahaha…” Rio laughed nervously.

Agatha stepped closer, adjusted Rio’s collar with her fingertips, and said:

“I wanted to know if you’d like to go out with me sometime. Like, really go out. A date. I’d love to take you.”

Rio froze. “What? But I thought you hated me…”

Agatha frowned. “Don’t remember ever saying that. Quite the opposite, actually.”

“But… you laughed at me…”

“Oh, sweetheart,” Agatha smiled tenderly. “We weren’t laughing at you. I was trying not to die laughing at how adorable you were, stumbling over your words. I like you, Rio. Jen’s the one who suggested we step aside, to give you a chance to try again.”

Rio turned bright red. Tomato-level red.

“And… after that whole locker room scene — which, by the way, was an amazing performance — I realized it’d be stupid to wait any longer.” Agatha gave her a killer look. “So… 7 p.m. okay for you? I’ll pick you up.”

Rio could barely breathe. “Uhm… yes… I’d love that.”

Agatha smiled. “Oh, and Alice,” she added, turning, “Jen over there thinks you’re adorable and would love to talk to you.” Jen waved and winked.

Before leaving, Agatha leaned in and pressed a long kiss to Rio’s cheek.

“See you later, sweetheart.”

Rio stood frozen, hand on her cheek where Agatha’s lips had been. Then she turned to Alice, smiling like she had just won the lottery.

“Well… I guess in the end… it all worked out?” she said dreamily. “Now… how about I introduce you to Jen? We could try a double date.”

 

Notes:

Thank you for reading! If you’ve made it this far, you’ve already made my day better. Comments, kudos and rants are always welcome!
English is not my first language.