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Yosuke’s days were all the same. Wake up, eat a plain breakfast, go to work, come back home, eat dinner and then sleep. Though, today changed.
He was sitting on a cushion near the small table in his living room with his phone in his hand. He was mentally preparing himself to quit his job.
“Alright, breathe Yosuke, breathe.” he said to himself. He slowly dialled the number in anticipation. It was scary and frightening for him. Telling your boss straight up that you’re going to quit—without writing it out—is pretty difficult.
He held his phone close to his ear as he pressed the ‘call’ button. Shit, what if this doesn’t go well? I don’t have anyone to help me. I mean, it’s not like I even have anyone that I can tell. He contemplated.
“Hello, Hanamura.” a voice crackled through the phone. “Do you need the day off?”
“Um, not exactly, I uh…” he shyly said. “I wanna quit.”
“…I see. Is there a reason why? I’ll get your papers sorted, but you’ll have to come to the workplace to sign it—“
“N-no reason. Sorry. I’ll come over there tomorrow. Bye.” Yosuke stuttered and quickly ended the call in embarrassment.
Obviously, there was a reason. He was going to end his life today, but unfortunately, he’ll have to go to his work tomorrow to get some things done.
Damn it, he thought, this is so annoying. Why do I gotta wait a day until I can die? Seriously… He groaned as he put his face in his hands. He was completely burnt out from everything.
After leaving Inaba, his life completely crashed down. Everyday was dull, and finding joy in the little things didn’t amuse him anymore. Living was not as colourful as before anymore. Of course, it wasn’t like this when he first moved to the city.
When he first moved, he was happy that he’ll be getting away from the small town life. He’ll be able to make decisions on his own, do whatever he wants, whenever he wants. Only, that something felt missing. Someone was missing.
At first, he brushed off the feeling. He thought, I’m living on my own now, why bother with sappy feelings?!Eventually, a year later, it consumed him. He was lonely with no friends. Nobody cared about anyone in the city, they all minded their own businesses.
He already didn’t have many friends in Inaba, but having no friends in the big city felt extremely dreadful. He tried hanging out with old friends, however, they were all busy. Yukiko and Chie were working together on Amagi Inn, Kanji was occupied with university, Rise was unavailable almost all the time due to her career as an Idol, and Naoto was back in England.
Only one sole person was available, Yu. Yosuke had tried his best to avoid him, ever since Yu’s confession to him. He didn’t know what to think of a gay relationship. To him, it was weird— unfamiliar. What would his family think? What would his friends think?
Yosuke already had a lot of pressure while in high school because of Junes ruining the small businesses in Inaba. Plus, he needed to help in investigation of the disappearances in Inaba because he had a persona. He didn’t need everyone hating him.
Yu would call and text him every week to see how he’s doing. Occasionally Yosuke would respond, but in dry tones. He still cared about Yu, he just didn’t know how to deal with their relationship. He liked him too, but didn’t know if it was right.
I’m so tired man. Why do I gotta be so miserable all the time? Why’d god choose me? Yosuke slammed his hand down in anger.
Suddenly, a notification popped up on his phone. He opened his phone to see a message from Yu.
hey yosuke :) me and chie are coming to the city in two days, r u available to hang out?
“Jeez.” Yosuke muttered, then put his phone down. He wasn’t particularly excited about that message since it interfered with the day where he is supposed to die.
I guess I’ll just die the day after they visit, he pondered. What’s Yu thinking anyway? Did he forget how awkward things are between us or something? …I still miss him, though.
He opened his phone again, typing a response.
just text me when u guys are here
Yosuke sighed and put his phone down again. He felt a bit scared to hang out with Yu. It felt weird. But, at least, Chie would be there too.
-
The next day arrived and so did Yosuke to his workplace. He was dressed in a white collar shirt, with dark shorts. He couldn’t bother putting on something nice; everything was so tiring to him.
He entered the building quietly, hoping that non of his coworkers would notice him. His boss was waiting in the entrance for him.
“Hello, Hanamura-“ the boss looked at what Yosuke was wearing. They noticed how his hair was messier and that he looked more tired than usual. “Are you alright?”
“Yeah. Um, I’m fine.” he said awkwardly and put his hands in his pockets. “So, which papers do I have to sign? Let’s get this done quickly.”
His boss only gave him a look of pity and handed him the papers he had to sign. “Just here, and here.” they pointed out. He quickly signed them and turned his back, walking towards the doors.
“Hanamura—“ his boss put a hand on his shoulder halting him.
“I’m sorry, but, I-I gotta go somewhere.” he turned his head around and speeded out of the building.
God, that was so awkward, he thought. Just two more days till I can finally end it.
In truth, Yosuke didn’t really want to die. He just needed someone to rely on. He needed someone who’d be there for his every hardship— like some sort of romantic partner. He had tried dating, though, none of them really worked out in the end. He couldn’t manage to harbour any romantic feelings for any of his ex girlfriends. Those girlfriends were nice, sure, but they never gave him that feeling of comfort.
Yu would be the perfect fit, however, that’s a guy. Society would ridicule them. Who knows what their mutual friends or family would react like? Thus, his life would end up becoming even worse.
His phone buzzed. He opened it to see another message from Yu.
can’t wait to see you. i really miss you haha
also send me ur address
“Mm, Yu and Chie are coming tomorrow. I forgot.” he quickly texted his address. “I’ll get some food on the way home for him to cook with…”
It quickly turned evening when Yosuke returned home from grocery shopping. He dropped his grocery bags into his fridge and jumped onto the bed. It was a long tiring day.
Unexpectedly, a knock came from the door. He only had plans for the next day, not for tonight. It’s probably some guy who got the wrong apartment. Yosuke sat up and opened the door.
“Hey.” a familiar voice spoke.
“Partner?! Why are you here?! Aren’t you supposed to come tomorrow?!” Yosuke asked abruptly.
“I mean, I was.” he held up a box of beer. “But I wanted to drink with you… without anyone else.”
“I- Alright. Um, come in. I haven’t cleaned the place in a bit, sorry.” Yosuke opened the door for Yu to enter.
Why is he here so early? What could he possibly want to do with me? I barely text him nor am I the nicest—Whatever. Let’s just deal with this. I can do it. Yosuke’s mind wandered.
Yu placed the drinks on the small table in the middle of the room. He sat gently on one of the cushions just nearby the table. Yosuke stared at him. He felt a small blush forming on his face but quickly shook it off.
“You gonna sit down?” Yu asked.
“Oh, uh yeah.” Yosuke sat down at the opposite of Yu. He took two bottles of beer and handed on to Yu and took one for himself. “So, um, how’s life treating you?”
“Inaba’s been fine. But, it doesn’t feel right without you, y’know? You should come and visit sometime.” Yu responded as he opened the bottle of beer.
“Yeah, I sure will…”
As if. I’ll be dead soon. He leaned forward as an awkward silence filled the air.
“How’re you?” Yu said to continue the conversation. He drank a little bit of the beer.
“Fine. Not up to much.”
Silence filled the air once more.
That confession made everything so weird about us. I just wanna forget about it. Good thing he brought beer, though. I can try and forget that whole situation. Yosuke thought. He opened his bottle and started drinking a lot and very quickly.
“Hey, don’t drink too fast. You’ll throw up.” Yu got up and took Yosuke’s bottle. He stared for a moment until asking “You okay?”.
“I’m fine. Stop worrying.” he replied. “C’mon, let’s drink.”
“…Okay. Just drink slowly, alright?” Yu gave his bottle back. Yu sat down, still a bit suspicious of his friend’s mental state.
Yosuke gave a little nod in reply and started drinking again, but slowly. He tried looking away from Yu, however, his eyes couldn’t stop reverting back to gazing at him. Yu noticed and propped his head up by his left hand while gazing back.
Why’d he confess to me of all people? He’s handsome and smart, he could get anyone he wanted! Yosuke could feel his heart beating faster, with each second as they look in each other’s eyes passing by. A faint blush formed on his face.
His friend let out a little chuckle.
“W-what’re you laughing at? Is there something on my face?” Yosuke stammered, putting his bottle down. He sat up straight immediately and crossed his arms.
“Nothing. You’re just funny.” Yu smiled.
“What does that even mean?!” He retorted, slightly annoyed.
“Nothing, I promise.” Yu repeated as he took another swig from his drink.
Yosuke only glared at him for a second before drinking some more.
The silenced filled the air a third time, this time not as awkward. Only after it became dark, did the two start speaking again.
“Yosuke…” Yu spoke drunkenly.
“Hm?”
“We’re the only ones in our friend group who still haven’t found a partner yet…”
“D-don’t remind me of that! Seriously… What are you trying to say?”
“I mean, I’ve always been curious. I just wanna know if something’s bothering you.”
Yosuke stayed silent. He stared at the floor thinking of a reason why. Why? Why do I still not have a partner yet? I don’t even know…
“I… don’t know.”he responded.
“Is that really the true answer?”
“I don’t know man! I could never feel anything towards any of the girls I dated!” Yosuke paused, thinking how gay that sounded.
“… Then, do you have feelings for me?” Yu moved his face closer.
“What’re you asking that again for?”
“You can like guys, y’know. You don’t have to deny it—“
“No way in hell!” Yosuke snapped. Why would he even say that? How much confidence does this guy even have?!“I might feel something towards you but I’m never gonna like guys! My family, your family, our friends, shit even the whole world would hate us!”
“So, you do like me?” Yu stared.
Yosuke thought about what he just said and just looked away in disbelief. “I guess… I guess I do.”
“Yosuke…” Yu stood up and sat at the right of him. He put his hand on his shoulder and smiled gently. “All of our friends are queer. Did you know that?”
“Huh?” Yosuke looked at him with confusion.
“Did you never notice how close Yukiko and Chie are? Kanji likes Naoto, I think that tells you enough.”
“Well, what would our families think?!”
“You’ll never know if you don’t ask. I’m sure they’ll support you.”
“How! How d’you know?!” Yosuke pushed Yu away.
“Teddie. He likes crossdressing, doesn’t he? He flirts with men too sometimes.” he came closer.
“Yeah…”
“It’ll be fine if people see two guys in love. We’re in it together.”
Yosuke paused. He raised his hands up to hold Yu’s face. Their faces leaned in naturally until Yosuke suddenly jumped back.
I’m too selfish. I’m a horrible person. I don’t deserve this. I don’t want to burden him.
“What’s the matter?” Yu’s face saddened.
“Why don’t you hate me?”he murmured. Tears streamed down his face as he started talking. “I-I barely talk to you, and I’m sick in the head. I quit my job a day ago because of how much I wanted to die! How could you like someone like me?”
Yu hugged him softly and patted his back. “You’ve always had a special charm that drew me to you. Remember when we first discovered the TV world? Even though you were scared, you still went in, wanting to save Saki.”
Yosuke sniffled and hugged him back. Hearing the kind words come out of his mouth made him flustered.
“Yosuke, I will love you no matter what. If you’re going through something, I want to be there for you.” Yu continued. He pulled back and held Yosuke’s face with one hand and kissed him lightly on the lips.
“Partner…” Yosuke gently pulled away while using his hands to wipe his tears. “I really want to accept my feelings for you. It’s just difficult.”
“It’ll be alright. Let’s live on together, okay?”