Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

unknown number:

Dude, I just face slammed into a wall
Pretty sure I have a concussion
Oh, and my arm's broken
Anyway, what's up with you?

Ned:
Hello, who is this?

Unknown number:
The one and only Spider-Man!
Oh my goodness Ned, do you not have my number saved?
I am insulted
How could yu betray me like htis?!

Ned:
I'm not Ned
And you're Spiderman?

Unknown Number:
whoops, sry he mustve given me the wrong number
sry for bothering you
and also no, not spiderman, inside joke
I once jumped real high when I got scared and Neds mum said if I had jumped a few more centimetres I wouldve stuck to the roof like spiderman
thats why the nickname

Ned:
Wait, did you say you broke your arm?!

Unknown Number:
Yeah, same old same old yk

Ned:

And you faceslammed into a wall?!
KID GO TO THE HOSPITAL RIGHT NOW!

Unknown Number:
Eh, ill pass
odnt like hospitals much really
and bold of you to assume im a kid

Ned:

you just quoted your friends mom
adults dont do that
AND GO TO THE HOSPITAL
RIGHT NOW!
wHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU

Unknown Number:
a lot is wrong with me, but lets not discuss that haha lol
also bold of you to assume I have money for a hopsital

Ned:
kid, ill pay, just go

Unknown Number:

I think im good actually
gtg now mr super duper rich parentally troubled guy
needa get home on time

Ned:
Not-Spiderman, you need to go to the hospital, not to your house

Unknown Number:
Bold of you to assume I have a house.
Also, I am renaming you

*Unknown Number changed Ned to Mr Super Duper Rich Guy*

Mr Super Duper Rich Guy:
What do you mean?!
ARE YOU HOMELESS?!

Unknown Number:
It was a joke, get over it.

Mr Super Duper Rich Guy:
Also, just because I can pay for a hospital, doesn't make me rich
I'm actually not that well off.

Unknown Number:

nah man, the second you can pay hospital bills it means ur rich

*Mr Super Duper Rich Guy changed Unknown Number to stupid Gen Z Kid*

Stupid Gen Z Kid:

Hey im not stupide man!
I will have you know that I have an IQ of 261!

Mr Super Duper Rich Guy:

Sure, do you believe it yoruself?

Stupid Gen Z Kid:
Yah, bcs its true
anyway, gtg, im at home

Mm Super Duper Rich Guy:

Okay bye
also don't text this number again

*Stupid Gen Z Kid changed Mr Super Duper Rich Guy to Mr Dramatic*

*Mr Dramatic changed Stupid Gen Z Kid to Kid*

Tony stared down at his phone in disbelief, not even sure what just happened. This random kid texted him, around 9 at night, bypassed all his security measures that kept people from texting him, then talked about how he had a concussion and a broken arm, then refused to go to the hospital!

What had his life come to! This was so stupid, and then the kid claimed to have an IQ of 261. Tony scoffed: there was literally no way. He had an IQ that didn't surpass 180, there was no way some random kid with a concussion had an IQ of 261. The kid probably just said that because of the concussion, Tony figured.

With a sigh, he pocketed his phone, shoving the random kid to the back of his mind: not like they would ever talk again anyway, so he needn't waste any time on that.

He idly walked down the hall and into the common room, where the other avengers were just gathering for dinner.

'Look who's on time for once!' Bucky mocked with a laugh, Pepper, however frowned:

'Are you sick?' she inquired.

'Wow, can't I come on time for once without you questioning my immune system?' Tony griped, kissing his wife on her forehead. She just rolled her eyes.

'For all of your guys' information,' he told the group of gawking Avengers, 'I was pulled from my work because I was texted.'

'Wait, don't you have security measures against that?'

'Yeah, and this guy bypassed them all.'

'So death threat?' Nat questioned.

'No, apparently he had the "wrong number", at least that is what he claimed.' Tony replied skeptically. The others raised their eyebrows as Nat commande him to recount what the stranger had texted. He however, left out the part of the broken arm and concussion.

'There is no way that kid has an IQ of 261, right?' Bruce questioned.

Clint raised his eyebrows: 'There's no way this guy isn't some ranom HYDRA spy testing out the waters.'

'I agree with Clint.' Nat stated, 'This is rather, suspicious.'

'He seems genuine enough to me.' Steve responed with a shrug.

Nat smirked: 'You have been catfished a total of 45 times, you really wanna go off of your gut here?'

Steve just shrugged. Just then, FRIDAY's voice filtered through the roome: 'Boss, Spider-Man has come to pay a visit, he says he'll be out of your hair in a second, he's just wondering if he can borrow some bandages.'

With that, the whole room sprung up. They had known Spider-Man for quite some time now, had asked him to joing the avengers quite a few times and respected him a lot. They also knew him enough to know he may or may not be dying on his feet right now.

To their relief, Spider-Man walked in cassually, waving at everyone with his right arm: 'Sup guys, can I borrow some bandages.'

'What for?' Tony fretted, running over to the vigilante, 'Are you hurt? Stabbed? Shot?' he fired off in quick succession.

Spidderman merely laughed: 'Nah man, just broke my arm, I need to bandage it so it doesn't heal all wrong. Might have a concussion too, who knows?!' he added helpfully. Bruce rolled his eyes as he took the vigilante to the couch, immediately setting to helping him position the bone. Spider-Man watched in awe and smiled. Finally it was done, and the vigilante made to get up, but Bruce pushed him down again:

'Did you not say you have a concussion?'

'Dunno, lemme check.' Spidey replied, then spoke to his right wrist: 'Karen, do I have a concussion.'

A female voice filtered through the room: 'Yes sir, you do seem to have a concussion. Might I suggest not ramming into random walls in the future.'

'You may.' Spidey replied with a laugh, then turned to Bruce: 'Yep, deffinetly have a concussion.' he answered.

Bruce nodded: 'Then you're staying there until the concussion is gone.'

'No thanks, I have to patrol!'

'I wasn't offering.'

'I wasn't complying.'

Bruce furrowed his brows: 'Huh, that's a new one, make sure to not say that too loudly in front of Tony.'

Spider-Man laughed then sat back again as pain washed over him: 'Okay,' he breathed, 'Maybe I'll just sit for a bit then.'

Bruce rolled his eyes: 'Yes, maybe that would be smart.'

***50 minutes later**

The team found themselves looking at Spider-Man, fast asleep on the couch. Nat had draped a blanket over him after he had fallen asleep. She had also tried to take the mask off, but the suit immediately zapped her.

She now sat with a grumpy look on her face, massaging her her slightly burned hand: that vigilante did not play around.

Tony sighed and looked at his phone. Cursing himself internally, he sent a message to the kid:

Mr Dramatic:

Hey kid
did you make it home safely
seriously go to the hospital though
Ill pay I promise
unless you start up about me bein rich again in which case I will not pay
joking, I will pay
kid?
man, develop a fomo!
text me as soon as you decide to grace your phone with your presence!

'Who are you texting?' Nat asked, having grumped enough about her hand being burned. Clint reached over to grab the phone, but Tony held it out of his reach:

'Oh, that HYDRA agent, I'm going to feed him lots of false information.'

Nat scoffed: 'You're a bad liar, he'll never fall for it.'

'We'll see about that.'

'Hey, who says its not a she?' Wanda piped up, 'Kinda sexist guys!'

'He has a friend named Ned, and he was compared by Ned's mom to Spider-Man, obviously not a girl.'

'Could be though.'

'Highly doubt it.'

'Who knows, maybe Spider-Man is a girl!'

'Don't be ridiculous.'

Nat laughed together with Clint and Bucky, Tony looked over to them:

'Spider-Man is a guy right?'

They laughed some more.

'Right?'

They laughed loudly now. Nat smirking at their little prank they had planned seconds before in sign language. Operation, make Tony question reality was successful. She smiled internally at how easy it was to make the guy believe anything, then realised he probably did because he trusted her. Which made her regret it slightly. Just slightly though, not enough to actually appease the now fretting Stark.

Chapter Text

Kid:
Hey mr dramatic
I got home ages ago
Well no thats a lie
:D
im gud tho
no need for a hospital

Tony sighed in relief as the kid texted him. He scoffed mentally at Nat for immediately assuming Hydra. Obviously this was just some random kid of like what,... twelve?

Mr Dramatic:
And thus he finally texts after 20 hours of not saying anything
furthermore,
GO TO THE HOSPITAL
YOU HAVE A CONCUSSION AND BROKE YOUR ARM!

Kid:
meh, hard pass
and also: this is why u r nicknamed mr dramatic

Mr Dramatic:
u were joking right, when u said that you lied about getting home ages ago
right?

Kid:
totally

Mr Dramatic:
why do I have a problem believing you

Kid:
as the bartender is, so he also trusts his guests

Mr Dramatic:
Ill just ignore that comment
how old are you?

Kid:
wow
ur acting like no kid has ever been murdered by telling online strangers his age
so no
i am not telling u

Mr Dramatic:

oh come on!
I am not a murderer

Kid:
Thats wut the octopus logo guy in black told me a week ago as well

and he tried to stab me

in the abdomen!

Tony stared at his screen in utter bafflement. Octopus logo guy? He couldn't be talking about Hydra right?

'Nat?' he questioned into the living room. All conversation stopped at his serious tone of voice, 'mind coming over here for a bit?' Tony asked in a strained tone.

Every single avengers came, including Natasha. Tony projected the text messages onto a big screen. Nat frowned when she finally read the last text:

'He might be trying to bait you.' she told Tony uncertainly.

'But?' he questioned, sensing there was more to the issue.

'I think he is genuine.'

'He's typing again.' Clint noted, and sure enough, the kid was typing again:

Kid:
bruh
it was a joke
for real stop freaking out

At the urge of the Avengers, Tony texted back:

Mr Dramatic:
I wasnt freaking out

Kid:
ur an adult
adults freak
they always do

Mr Dramatic:

okay I believe you, what made you think to give the bad guys octopus logos though?

Kid:

oh no, that part was true
the part about almost being stabbed was a joke
I actually did get stabbed :)

The Avengers blanched at that, Tony frowned, not sure how to respond, when Nat grabbed the phone from and furiously started typing.

Mr Dramatic:
Where exactly were you stabbed?

Kid:

told you
in my abdomen

Mr Dramatic:
I meant to ask which part of your abdomen?

Kid:
who is this and why did u steel mr dramatics thphone?

Tony quickly snatched the phone back from Nat and typed back:

Mr Dramatic:

Friend of mine
anyway answer her question

Kid:
Like to the right side
where your kidney is supposed to be
idk tho
dropped out of high school

Mr Dramatic:
I thought u were smart

kid:

again: bold of u to assume I can afford to go to high school

Mr Dramatic:

my friend says high school costs no money

Kid:

living does tho
and I cant have a job and go to school both
So given the choice between starving to death but getting an eduction and having food but no education,
i obvioiusly chose the latter
cuz like, I like living

Clint snatched the phone from Tony, and typed away shortly, before handing it back:

Mr Dramatic:
valid

kid:

another friend?

Mr Dramatic:

He said one word, howd you know?
and yes, he is friend numebr #2

Kid:

Im an internation, super spy. SUPER SPY

Mr Dramatic:
Friends number 1 and 2 are grinning i dont get it tho

Kid:

wow, ur old
aanyway gtg to work
bcs like, I slightly value my life
only slightly though XD

Mr Dramatic:

that was a joke right?
right?

Kid:
Ill leave you to guess :)

Chapter Text

As Tony and the Avengers were still looking at the phone screen, trying to decide whether the random kid did or did not value his life, the elevator dinged, and Tony's personal intern, Peter Benjamin Parker, strutted in.

Tony smiled at the kid: 'Hi Pete, how are you?'

'I'm good. how about you, what's so interesting on the phone?' Peter asked in quick succession, standing behind Tony together with the rest of the Avengers, way more quickly than Tony susposed was humanly possible. But what did he know: teenagers were weird, scary and Peter especially drank way too much coffee.

Tony quickly turned the phone away before Peter could see what it said:

'Just trolling a Hydra agent.' Tony responded smugly, making Peter quirk an eyebrow:

'Right, because that couldn't possibly go south for you. You really are a genius.' he sarcastically told his mentor. Tony feigned offence, though it was obvious to all gathered here that he was very proud of his kid for picking up his sarcastic streak.

Natasha eyed Peter for a bit, her brows furrowed. Noticing her staring, Clint joined in on the scrutinising, raising one eyebrow. Peter, noticing both of their stares, stared right back, bugging his eyes out commicially and tilting his head to the sound. Finally, when Nat and Clint wouldn't stop staring, he took it up a notch. Faking the best alien accent he could muster, he stated robotically:

'It seems to be two humans, who are staring at me. What is the purpose.'

Steve snorted with laughter, getting the reference to the movie Peter was copying the alien accents from. Tony smiled fondly. Scott took a picture of dad-tony-smile, which he was planning to print out and stick to the fridge next week.

Nat finally spoke up: 'You don't look like you got a lot of sleep.' she prompted. Tony's head shot up at that, eyes narrowing at the teenager. Peter rolled his eyes:

'Brilliant observation. I was doing stuff.' he added vaguely with a shrug.

'What kind of stuff?' Bucky pressed, who - how beat Tony - had magically appeared from thin air. Peter just shrugged:

'Stuff that kept me up.' seeing they wouldn't drop it he rolled his eyes: 'Took up an extra shift at Delmar's.'

'What's that?' Tony questioned.

'My actual job.' Peter responded with a shrug.

'Aren't you doing highschool?' Nat questioned.

'It's part-time.'

'Why?' Thor, who had stomped in a while ago, questioned.

'To have money?' Peter answered, making it clear it was a very obvious reason as to why to work.

'Don't your parents make enough?' Clint questioned. Peter swallowed back bile and forced a smile:

'Just helping since someone broke into our apartment and stole our savings.' he lied through his teeth.

'How much did they steal?' Tony asked curiously. Peter scowled, obviously very done with the conversation:

'All of it. Couple a hundred bucks. We need those savings in case I do something stupid again and need to go to the hospital.'

Tony shook his head: 'What are your parents phone numbers?'

'Dunno that by heart.' Peter shoved off, making Nat and Clint glance at each other.

'Well, get them for me. I want to have a chat with them.'

'They're too busy.' Peter responded automatically.

The Avengers stilled at that, glancing to the thee superspies, who were keeping neutral faces, though it was obvious the gears were turning.

Tony sighed: 'If I give you a hundred bucks, would that help?'

Peter's eyes widened comically: 'I-I I mean, I g-guess, b-but mr stark, you don't need to do that!'

Tony smiled: 'You're right, Tony Stark need do nothing: Tony Stark wants to do things, and will do them.'

'Thank you so much!' Peter cried out joyously, hugging the billionaire. With a start he realised that he had just decided to hug a germaphobe and quickly retracted from the hug with an awkward air around him. Tony smiled down at him, giving him a nod.

'Now, let's get a tinkering shall we?'

Chapter Text

Nat sighed as she spoke up: 'Tony, we called this meeting about your intern.'

Tony rolled his eyes: 'I swear, if you plan to claim again that he is probably a brainwashed Hydra agent, which is the reason for why he is so cute, I will lose it.'

Nat snickered: 'You do realise that was a joke, right?'

'I believed you for like, 5 whole minutes!' Tony cried out indignantly. Clint laughed at that, but then became serious:

'We think his parents might be neglectful.' The Avengers braced themselves for Tony's usual rebufal and refusal to agree with them, but to all their shock, it didn't come, he just looked resigned:

'I agree.'

Clint's mouth fell open and Nat looked outwardly surprised. Steve asked the question everyone was wondering:

'You agree?'

Tony nodded: 'I've suspected as much for quite some time. He cuts his own hair, its not even like his parents do it for him, it looks like he cuts it with a kitchen knife. On several occasions already, Jarvis has informed me that he is malnuritioned. Nowadays, he is malnuritioned every day. And, of course, the obvious: him having a job while still in high school.'

Clint huffed: 'It must be really bad if even Tony - the most oblivious person on earth - noticed.' Tony decided not to take offence at Bucky took the lead:

'Okay, obviously, Peter, who is a great hacker has a perfect file online and so do his parents. So what we will do, with we I mean Nat, Clint and I, is ask subtle questions. The rest of you don't even talk about family, because you are the biggest tactless bunch to exist.'

'I have tact!' Thor boomed, though he probably thought he was talking at a normal volume. Tony rolled his eyes:

'Okay, we'll do what Buck here says, and Thor seriously you have to.... oh, the kid texted!' he cut himself off, glancing at his phone, the Avengers gathered around:

Kid:

Okay, hypothetically speaking,
if someone shoots at you
then you steal their gun
and shoot them in the leg
will you go to prison.

Mr Dramatic:
No you won't. That's self-defence, who shot at you?

Kid:

is this friend number one?

Mr Dramatic:
Yeah, you know, I'll just make a group chat so Mr D will stop whining about getting his phone back.

Kid:
k

*Groupchat made with Kid, Mr Dramatic, Redhead, Venti, Metallo, BS, chicken wing, static, tiny tim, eyepatch, PM1, PM2, Literal witch*

Kid:
Thats way more than two friends Mr D
also BS curses a lot or something?

BS:

I would never
why?

Kid:

Okay, sorry to break it to you,.. but

Venti:

Dont you dare, we have been at this for months and it hilarious. Btw, I am friend number 2

Kid:
Yeah I figured lol. Super spy 1 is friend 1 right?

Redhead:
Yeah, anyway, back to the question:
who shot at you?

Kid:
Just an octopus logo guy
a different one though this time
also he was a she
I shot a LADY
I am going to hell for sure

Metallo:

Don't worry, chicken wings will be there to keep you company

*eyepatch, PM1 & 2 are now online*

PM2:
I dont check my phone for 5 minutes and u guys are already talking to a random child about octopus ladies
also, ladies who shoot at you no longer count as ladies
at that point they are women

PM1:
For once I agree with PM 2

PM2:

You agree with me that you are a woman not a lady.
Remember 2023, you shot at me.

Eyepatch:

You two need to shut up
Also, Mr Dramatic,
1: it says something about your character that I knew who you were the second I saw the username
2: what is the kids actual name

Mr Dramatic:
he wont say because stranger danger

Literal Witch:

valid

Kid:

lol, can never be too careful

Literal witch:

Exactly
Stranger danger and always look both ways before crossing the street
Also avoid Mr D after he drank a whole pot of coffee

Kid:

Ill keep that in mind thanks

eyepatch:

whos idea was it to put these two in the same chat together?

redhead:
mine, is that an issue sir?

eyepatch:
nope

Kid:
lol, get owned!

Venti:

Anyway kid, you were telling us about the woman that shot at you with a gun who had a logo of an octopus on her shirt?

Kid:

black shirt to be specific

Literal Witch:

Okay, I feel like I should know the significance of this, but i dont

Mr Dramatic:
H might be after him

Literal Witch:
RIP
anything u wnat me to write on ur gravestone?

Kid:

just put something super confusing on it that means nothing, but in the future people will think its supposed to mean something and will think I am super smart

Literal Witch:
legend

Eyepatch:

okay, so H is after him

Kid:

H?

Literal Witch:
dont worry about it kid. Just keep on living your life. DO know tho, there are probably about three people already spying on you by now

Kid:

creeps

Literal Witch:

agreed

Eyepatch:
pls tell me you two are not about to become best friends

Kid & Literal Witch:

no comment

Okay, for your reference people

Kid: Peter
Mr Dramatic: Tony
Redhead: Nat
Venti: Clint
Metallo: Bucky
BS: Steve
Chicken Wing: Sam
Static: Thor
Tiny Tim: Scott
eyepatch: Nick Fury
PM1: Maria Hill
PM2: Phill Coulson
Literal Witch: Wanda

Chapter Text

Peter sighed as he pulled his hoodie further over his head. He ducked into an alleyway, ruffling through the nearby trash bins for food.

The 100 bucks from Mr Stark had definitely helped, that was, until he found a starving family at the side of the road, and, long story short: he was once again a penniless orphan. Yay him.

Of course, there was the money from Delmar's, but with his curse of a metabolism, that wasn't really doing a lot. And it wasn't like he was getting paid for being the personal intern of Tony Stark.

What was more, it wasn't like he could go home to get food or anything. May had kicked him out after she got a boyfriend, that was, after she beat him to a pulp. He took every hit: he couldn't fight back, she would not survive that.

He smirked slightly as he found a rotten banana, deciding he could ignore the taste and he would just eat it. He remembered fondly how he had found out that the accidental number he had texted had not in fact been Ned, but Tony Stark. He had two phones, courtesy of a rich person throwing away a phone. Peter was 95% the guy had been in the mafia, but well, when you get a random phone for free from a dumpster, one will not ask questions.

Until a week later when it was confirmed the guy was in fact in the mafia and Spiderman had arrested him.

So he now had two phones, on one he texted as civvy him, on the other he used for strictly Spider-Man purposes only.

Then, another positive side of his life was that some organisation called H was trying to kidnap him. Yay him. His life was just peachy.

He walked out of the alley again, absentmindedly munching on the rotten banana. Really, if you didn't pay attention to it, one could almost not notice how rotten it was.

'Peter?' a voice asked from his right. Peter's head shot, his eyes locking onto the speaker. He locked eyes with Captain freaking America.

'Uh, mr rogers, sir.' he stuttered out, checking whether his hoodie was on well. He had taken a hit as Spider-man and lets just say it left a notable bruise on his cheek.

'Peter, it's 8 at night, what are you doing out at this time?' Steve questioned, then added: 'Also, I told you: it's Steve.' A second later, he added in an aghast tone: 'WHAT are you EATING?! Even army food doesn't look that bad.'

'It's a banana.' Peter answered, squaring his shoulders, shaking off his inital scare. He would not let Steve think there was something wrong. He was Peter Benjamin Parker. Confident, sarcastic and happy Peter Parker, who sassed from daybreak to dawn. 'Quite nutritionous I have heard say.'

Steve just stared at him, then, in one fluid motion, he snatched the banana from Peter's hand and chucked it onto a nearby roof. Peter looked after the banana forlornly:

'You do realise I was eating that, right?' he questioned calmly, not too annoyed since he could climb up later again to get the banana again.

'I was painfully aware of the fact. That thing was black! Newsflash: they're supposed to be yellow.' Peter laughed:

'No, that's a myth spread by the governement. It's a huge conspiracy theory actually, ask Mr Stark. Oranges are blue on the inside too.' he added, as he slowly started walking again, gesturing for Steve to follow him, painfully aware the supersoldier wasn't going to leave him alone any time soon.

'Nice try, Pete, but Natasha and Clint already pulled that one on me.' Steve told the teenager with a chuckle, then he turned serious, 'Why were you eating a rotten banana?'

'Waste not, want not.' was the happy response as Peter jumped over a crack in the sidewalk. Meeting Steve's questioning gaze he shrugged: 'Step on a crack, break your mother's back.'

Steve chuckled. They passed under a streetlight. Suddenly Steve grabbed Peter's shoulder stifly.

'What?' Peter questioned. Steve's other hand shot out, yanking off Peter's hoodie. The super soldier gasped as he was met with Peter's bruised face. His expression grew stern:

'Who did that to you?'

'A wall.'

'That's nonsense, and you know it. You're coming with me, we're going to the Tower.' Steve demanded, going into authoratative Captain America mode. Peter planted his heels firmly on the ground:

'No thanks, I don't need to come in until 3 tomorrow.'

'Peter.' Steve implored.

'No.' Peter sniped back. He loved Steve, he really did, but he didn't want Mr Stark to see him like this. The guy would freak, and what was he supposed to say? He couldn't reveal his identity as Spiderman. As Spiderman, people saw him as a person to be respected, not as a random teenager. He wanted to keep that.

'Fine.' Steve admonished with a sigh, 'Let's at least sit down in the café. I'll be you some food.'

'I can buy my own.'

'Yeah, but I want to buy you some.'

'okay.' Peter relented with a sigh. With a start already feeling his grip disappearing on his control over his life. His life. His decisions. And yet, again, here was an adult deciding for him. Like aunt May had done.

While peter mused over his freedom, Steve quickly texted into the Avengers groupchat (in which Spiderman was too):

Capsicle:
anybody come right now
Its Peter
He's beaten up
wont tell me who
I convicned him to grab some food but I cant keep him for long
Preferably Nat come
hell listen to her
not tony, im pretty sure the reason he doesnt want to go is some misplaced sense of pride

Widow:
Copy, I'm coming. Clint and Bucky are coming too. No need for location, we already tracked you :)

Tincan:

Ill listen to stevie for once and not come
just make sure hes okay
or i will kill you all
then myself
also yall are creeps for all that tracking

Chapter Text

Nat, Clint and Bucky arrived at the café in record time (2 minutes, 56 seconds and 8 milliseconds, but who was counting?)

Nat stalked over to the table where Peter had just finished Steve's burger, which the supersoldier had offered him, claiming not being too hungry.

'Hi Peter, hi cap, I see we have an addition to our little get together?' Nat spoke up, crossing her arms drammatically. Peter's eyes bugged out:

'Oh, you had planned something together?! Steve! You should have told me!' he accused drammaticaly, 'I'll leave you guys be.' he finished, making to stand up.

Nat shook her head: 'No! We want you to join, we were heading to the tower next, but since Steve is already full, there's no point in staying here. We're going down to the training rooms: Sam set up a bowling alley there yesterday.'

'No, no' Peter answered with a smile Bucky recocgnised as a very fake one, 'You guys have fun, really, I'll just head on home.'

Clint shook his head: 'You are seriously going to blow super spy Natasha Romanoff off?'

'I uh...' Peter started, but Bucky clapped him on the back enthusiastically:

'It's decided then: Peter is on my time for the bowling alley!'

'No fair!' Clint whined dramatically, as he dragged Peter along to the car parked out front: 'He probably is great at it, Peter, be on my team and you'll get ten bucks.' he whispered to the boy.

-***meanwhile at the tower/****

Bruce was readying the medbay. The plan had been simple really. Guilt trip Peter into going along on an outing with the superspies and Steve, then have Jarvis accidentally read his vitals out loud and boom, involuntary trip to the medbay.

Tony had informed them all that he thought guilt tripping Peter was mean. He didn't stop them. He was not so secretely - though he thought he hid it well - more nervous than the rest of them after Steve's text. Even though he had responded with jokes, he had been freaking out internally.

10 minutes after Nat, Clint and Bucky left, they entered again, Steve and Peter in tow. Just like planned, Jarvis spoke up the second Peter entered the Avengers' living room:

'Mr Parker, are you aware of the severe bruising on your face and the three broken ribs?' the AI spoke innocently into the room. Peter paled slightly as Tony played the perfect role of freaking-out-boss (honestly, it wasn't like he needed to act, he was really freaking out).

'What?!' he screeched, jumping up from the couch and running over to his PI: 'What happened?!'

Peter laughed uncomfortably: 'It's nothing Mr Stark.'

Natasha however, pulled back his hoodie, finally being able to examine his face, which she had been itching to do for the past quarter of an hour. Looking sternly at the teenager, she spoke up:

'To the medbay with you.'

Peter sighed dejectedly, knowing fully well that argueing with Black Widow was not something one should do - though he could probably get away with it.

A few minutes later, Bruce tutted as he examined Peter's broken ribs, winding gauze around them. Finally he stepped back, satisfied with his work, writing down a quick report on his tablet, which he would save to Peter's folder:

Patient Name: Peter Benjamin Parker
Doctor: Bruce Banner
Date: 25/08/2025
Time: 9:03 PM (2103 hours)
Injuries: Severe bruising to face and three broken ribs
Cause of injuries: refuses to tell us
Measures taken: Put ice packs to the bruising, wrapped ribs in gauze to keep them in the correct place, ordered bed-rest for a week
Additional notes: when wrapping his ribs, it came to my attention that Mr Parker is extremely malnuritioned and has been for quite some time.

'So, Peter,' Bucky started, entering spy-mode, 'Who did that to you?'

'A wall.' Peter tried lamely, though it was obvious from his tone of voice even he was aware that lie would not fly. Tony groaned dramatically:

'Teeeeeel uuuuus!' he drawled. Peter rolled his eyes comically, smirking slightly at his mentor's behaviour:

'Fine, a guy didn't enjoy my company that much. Hard to imagine I know. Instead of using his words like an adult, he decided that actions spoke louder than word. Technically, he isn't wrong, at least, if you have to believe my 3rd grade English Teacher. Though she was referring to sharing at the time. The point stays.' Peter monologued in typical Peter style: sassily, non-chalantly and completely comfortable in this half true he had woven.

'Why didn't he like you?' Clint questioned, crossing his arms like Nat was doing, testing out whether he seemed cooler that way (he didn't).

'Semantics.' Peter answered with a shrug: 'Our morals did not align. I thought you shouldn't punch ladies, he thought he should. I made my opinion known, because, as my 4th grade English teacher told me: You've got to stand for something, or you'll fall for anything. Though I am like 98 % sure she stole that quote from a song, but you know, it's still true. Anyway, I told him how I felt about him beating up a lady and he let me know he felt about my being opinianated. I do believe the exact words he used were: "No one likes a smart ass" Technically, I think he was right.'

Nat had been eyeing him the whole time and smiled: 'Well, you are obviously telling the truth.'

'Obviously' Peter drawled back, 'Anyway, It's getting late, I should head home.'

Bruce looked up: 'What part of bed rest did you not understand?'

'You said, and I quote: "You need to have a week of bed rest in a safe environment where you feel comfortable and people can help take care of you." therefore, I will be returning home.'

'Nope.' Tony spoke up, 'You'll stay here. Tell your parents. We are here the whole time anyway. Besides, you and I both know you will not actually rest if you go home, so I'll make you a deal: stay here and you are allowed to occasionally tinker in the bed.'

Peter raised the corner of his mouth in thought, the nodded: 'Agreed then, I'll just inform my parents.'

Tony smiled fondly at the boy: 'You do that, kid.' he answered softly, as he and the rest of the Avengers filed out of the room giving Peter some privacy to call his parents. Peter rolled his eyes, but knew they would probably check the security footage so fished out his phone, deciding to text some random people, just so that it looked like he was texting his parents.

Chapter Text

Webs:
wassup, y'all doing anything interesting?

Tincan:
nothing much
we're having a week long sleepover with a friend of ours

Pirate:
Okay, Webs, reminder: I want a report on that thing you did last night
understood

Webs:
how many words do you want it to be?

Mr Dramatic:
sheesh Webs, what is this, high school?
Like say 3 and then run away from the Pirate for the rest of your life

Pirate:
at least 50

Webs:
great, literal torture, but
report can wait
can some1 patrol queens for me for like the coming week and a bit?
Please?
pretty please?
Please with unicorn flavoring

Bucks Bunny:
out of interest, have you been talking to hawkys kids?

Webs:
nawh
kids say that nowadays
i think
I dunno
I need to babysit more, then ill know

Scary Spider:
out of interest, why cant you patrol queens for the next week and a bit

Webs:
just slightly injured

Scary Spider:
so badly you need to be out of commision for a WEEK!

Tincan:

were are you
well get you to medical
location
NOW

Webs:

chill out
Got it covered
already patched up
just broke something that I need for fighting so I put myself on bedrest for a week

Vent crawler:
YOU put YOURSELF on bed rest
okay, be honest, you are dying aren't you?

Webs:

no
I am not
just need someone to patrol for me

Popsicle:

Bucks and I can
but seriously, are you okay?

Webs:
yeah, Im great

Scary Spider:

webs,
the TRUTH pls

Webs:
come off it, Ill be fine,
just have to give it some time
im just pretty banged up is all
kidna lost the fight lol
just have lots of bruises
and a few broken bones
breathing hurts too, but what else is new XD

Tincan:
Why cant I track you

Webs:

r we forgetting that Im better at hacking than even the shield spies?
one does not simply hack my phone

Scary Spider:
webs, location, now

Webs:

sorry, someon is coming, idk who, gtg

Scary Spider:
WEBS?!

Tincan:
Hey, mind replying?!
are you okay?!

Vent Crawler:

Dude, its been 5 minutes, respond already

Popsicle:

Tony, for crying out loud track his phone

Pirate:

Already tried ,not possible

Coulson:

ditto here
security footage is showing nothing of Spiderman either

Hill:

keep looking
Webs
if you see this
ANSWER

Chapter Text

Peter quickly stopped texting the Avengers as Sam sauntered in. Great. Sam, of all people. Just kill him already.

'Someone is in the medbay.'

'Wow, observational. Keep this up, and in ten years, you might be insightful enough to actually not have Steve overtake you on your left side every 2 minutes whilst on your morning run.' Peter sniped at the winged superhero, who looked positively shocked and annoyed:

'How do you know about that?!' he demanded to know. Peter tapped the side of his nose mysteriously:

'A guy has his ways, Falcon.'

Sam groaned, then, in one swift motion, took away Peter's phone.

'Hey!' Peter complained.

'You'll get it back later squirt.' Falcon answered with an evil grin, 'When you start being nicer to people.'

'You can't do that!' Peter complained, but Sam Wilson had already fled the crime scene, leaving a disgruntled teenager behind.

****

Over the next week, Peter spent a lot of boring time in the hospital bed. The Avengers seemed to be on edge, but whenever he asked, they shoved it off, telling him it was nothing. Sam still had not returned his phone that he used as Spider-Man. So, one day, he decided to text the new group of friends he had made:

Kid:

sup, what are yall up to

Redhead:
We are trying to keep Mr D from dying

Kid:

lol, what happened

Venti:

a friend of ours seems to have gone missing
like off the grid
no one has seen him for like 5 days

Kid:
is that not like, not that long?
or is your friend around constantly?

Metallo:

he is an ever present menace
we usually act like menaces together
im getting lonely :(

kid:
hope you find him soon
anyway, gtg

Mr Dramatic:

thanks

Peter breathed in a deep breath as things started clicking into place: these people he had been texting, acted like the Avengers, talked like the Avengers, and, if he thought about it, the nicknames fit.

With a groan he realised they had been talking about Spider-Man. Peter hadn't had his phone in 5 days, because Sam stole it.

Bruce had told him this morning that at 11 he was allowed out of bed. With a smile, Peter noticed it was 5 past 11.

He stood up, exiting the bed and walking down the hallway, entering the living room. He plopped down on a couch next to Tony:

'Sup. Who are you texting?' he asked, seeing the open groupchat, confirming his suspicions: he had been texting the Avengers this whole time. Whoops.

'Just trolling a Hydra agent.' Tony repeated. Peter snorted at that and plopped down on the couch:

'So, I'm heading home again tonight.' he told the room. All the Avengers, who had been in conversation, stilled.

*Tony POV*

The room stilled as Peter shared that horrible piece of information. We were all about 80% sure that Peter's parents were neglectful. He was careful in revealing anything about it, Nat, Bucky and Clint had hardly gotten any information out of him.

Honestly, between Peter, the kid Hydra was after and Spider-Man's disappearance, my life was starting to be seriously stressful.

'Oh.' Steve spoke into the silent room, rightfully feeling like someone should reply: 'Okay, what time will you leave.' 

'I thought right about now.' Peter answered quickly.

Wanda - who had returend to the tower in the week that Peter was on bedrest from that SHIELD mission she had been on, replied: 'So soon?'

Peter smiled nervously: 'Don't get me wrong: I loved hanging out here, but my parents miss me, they want me home at the earliest.' he added. He didn't mention whether he wanted to go home or not. One glance at the three superspies confirmed that they had noticed it as well. A warning glance from Nat told me not to comment on it.

Sam walked in: 'Is the squirt leaving, did I hear that correctly?' he questioned. Peter rolled his eyes at him:

'Yeah, the squirt is leaving, mind returning the phone you stole from me on my first day here?' he questioned, making everyone snap their glares to Sam. He hadn't, right?

Sam grinned, handing the phone over: 'See, you had so much bonding time with us because you weren't on that piece of electronics, you should thank me!'

Peter threw him the dirtiest look to mankind, then turned to us again and smiled:

'Well, thanks for having me, but I have to go again! Gotta get home.' he added with a shrug. I nodded and smiled. Peter gave Nat and Bucky a hug, then exited out of the elevator quickly.

Immediately, I jumped on Sam - verbally of course, I was too old to actually be jumping : 'Why did you steal Pete's phone?'

Sam quickly backstepped, holding his hands out in a peaceful gesture: 'It was Nat's plan!' he squeeked. I turned to Nat, waiting for confirmation that Sam was lying - as I was sure he was - but she nodded. I quirked an eyebrow, and she explained:

'We might have spied on him when he went to text his parents. He looked absolutely reckless and stared at his homescreen for 2 minutes before texting them. We thought he would be happier if he didn't have to worry about to texting them, so we sent Sam to act like the absolute jerk he is and steal the phone. If it had been one of us, Peter's feelings would have been hurt, he hardly knows Sam, so it was fine to send him.'

Sam frowned at that: 'So basically, your reasoning was to send someone Peter didn't know he would hate on him?' Nat nodded. Sam groaned: 'Next time, inform me beforehand of extra reasoning!' Nat just shrugged.

I sighed: 'Do you guys have any info on his parents?'

The three super spies shook their heads. Clint decided to list all the things they knew: 'Well, we know that:
1: he probably doesn't want to go back to him;
2: they probably beat him up;
3: they probably don't give him enough to eat.'

'Those are a lot of "probablies"' Scott remarked, to which the spies just shrugged. I sighed: we were getting nowhere with the Peter investigation.

'What about Spider-Man?'

'Still no sight of him. SHIELD is working overtime tracking him down, but we have had no luck, we don't even know his civillian identity. Trust me: he is SHIELD's number one priority right now. It just really makes no sense. Want to read the report?' 

'Sure.' Nat pulled up a hologram of the report:

Report 514 36B
Incident: Dissappearance of Superhero (vigilante) know as Spider-Man
Estimated Age: 30
Height: Estimated to be 6 feet
Last sighting of him: He was last seen fighting of 6 kidnappers, who were attempting to abduct 17-year-old Eugene "Flash" Thompson, planning to ask for a ransom, since his parents are rich. Spider-Man webbed the kidnappers to a streetlight, swung Mr Thompson home, then swung into an alleyway.
Last contact with him: at 10:03.56 PM at night on a Sunday. He was texting with the Avengers in their groupchat. He admitted to being injured and having put himself on bed rest (something he would normally not do, see Character Study 56C). He informed the Avengers that he was "slightly banged up" since he lost a fight, suggesting he had another fight with villains after the attempted kidnapping of Mr Thompson, though we have no footage of that. He told the Avengers that he had "a lot of bruises", "a few broken bones" and that "breathing hurt". Then, as Black Widow was demanding to know his location, he texted: "sorry someon (typo of someone) is coming, idk (I don't know) who, gtg (got to go)". He went offline immediately after that and nothing has been heard of him since.
Amount of time already missing (automatic timer, this will update by itself): 157 hours

I sighed, rubbing my beard with my right hand. Why was my life such a mess right now?

Where was Spider-Man?
Why was Hydra after the kid who's name I didn't even know?
What were Peter's parents really like?

Chapter Text

*1 day later in the Avenger's Groupchat* (for those wondering, Peter waited with texting bcs superspies and he doesnt want them to figure out his civvy identity)

Webs:
I feel like if I say wassup right now I might be murdered

Tincan: 
SPIDER-MAN?!
oh my goodness
we were going crazy
were you kidnapped

Webs:
I might as well have said wassup
bcs u are freaking out either way

Pirate:

Spider-Man,
are you aware you have been missing for 183 hours?

Webs:

imma go with no

Scary Spider:

were you kidnapped?!

Webs:

okay, define kidnapped
I need to know what ur deffintion is of kidnapping b4 I can answer that 

Vent Crawler:

so you WERE kidnapped

Webs:

once again depends on your deffintion...

Bucks Bunny:

The legal deffinition (the one we go by) is:
the taking of a person against his/her will (or from the control of a parent or guardian) from one place to another under circumstances in which the person so taken does not have freedom of movement, will, or decision through violence, force, threat or intimidation.

Webs:

well...
sure, I was slightly intimidated
slightly forces
my freedom of movement was impeded
my freedom of will was kinda taken as well under threat
I did have some freedom of decision, it was just slightly, limited
and sure it was kinda against my will
but I also knew there was no other alternative so went willingly
so technically not against my will
I was taken from one place to another
the guardian or parent part is very unimportant,
so like, all in all, 
its very flexible whether it counted as kidnapping or not
really up to interpretation is all Im saying

Tincan:
translation: you deffinetly got kidnapped but you want to play it off like it was fine

Webs:
you sir are twisting my words

Chicken Wing:

dude, I am not the smartest,
but even can see that you deffinetly got kidnapped

Webs:
HE FINALLY ADMITTED HIS STUPIDITY!

Popsicle:
Webs, why are you trying to play this off like its okay?!

Webs:
am not
besides
let bygone be bygones
as long as you are okay in the moment right
SO what have you guys been up to.

Pirate:
enough of this Spider-Man,
you have two options:
1: get kidnapped by SHIELD
2: willingly come to the hellicarrier, explain what happend and get extensive medical check-ups

Webs:
wow, great options

Bucks Bunny:
CHOOSE

Webs:

I feel freaghtened
how do you speell freatened?
random questions sorry
but sure, imma go with 2
tho 1 would be more interested
but like, not feeling like being forced to go somewhere again lol

Tincan:

its spelled threatened

Webs:
huh, so it is

Pirate:

be at the helicarier in 30, or we will come get you
fyi, we have located you on security cameras
we know exactly where you are

Webs:

Its giving major creep vibes
but ok
on my way
just gotta stop a few more muggings b4 coming in
make it an hour
...
please

Hill:

45 minutes

Webs:

50 minutes

Pirate:
47 minutes

Webs: 

deal

Tincan:

Did SM just... win... an argument with Fury

Pirate:

I let him win

Scary Spider:

Sure you did
sure you did
we totally believe you

Peter sighed as he shut off his phone off. The thing with him was: he couldn't create full lies without obviously doing so. So he had truthfully answered to the kidnapping deffintion. He bit his lip softly as he went to save a screaming woman.

He had to think of something. 

And he had to think of it quickly.

Chapter Text

Peter swung into the hellicarrier about 35 minutes (yes, he was flexing the fact that he could be on time, well noted dear reader).

He was met by the entire Avengers team already assembled, together with Nick, Hill, Coulson and two SHIELD doctors. Nick Fury cleared his throat:

'You know, usually when people want to enter a spacecraft suspended in air, they wait for one of our transport pods.' he told Peter, who had casually attached a web to the hellicarrier and swung up. At least, it had looked casual, in all truth, he had been nearly sucked into the motors, but he wasn't about to tell them that.

'There were transport pods?!' Peter whined in response, 'Man, I just always thought you guys landed the whole thing at every start and end of shift. That makes so much more sense!'

Tony chuckled at that as Scott took another picture of Tony for his: "Proud dad of three sons" album, as he had dubbed it. The three sons in question being the Kid, the intern and Spider-Man.

'Sooo...' Peter started awkwardly, 'As much as I like being threatened with kidnappidation as any other guy, is there anything specific you want to talk about?'

'That's not even a word.' Steve noted as Scott snickered, making Steve backtrack uncertainly: 'Right? It's not right? That hasn't changed since 1945 right?' he whispered quickly to Scott, though Peter heard all:

'No Steve, that has changed: it has been in the English Dictionary since 1987.'

Nat, Clint and Bucky snickered as Fury rolled his eyes. Translation: Nick Fury totally liked Peter's joke, there was no doubt about it.

Nick Fury spoke up: 'Okay, first you are going to medical. You can keep your mask on, but we are making sure you are okay.'

Peter sighed drammatically: 'Fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnnnnnneeeeeeeeeeee.' he dragged out drammatically. Scott took a picture to add to the "Sassy sons of Tony" album on his phone. He already had 185 pictures on there (counting the screenshots he had taken of the texts with the kid).

A few minutes later, Peter was sitting on a bed in medical, in only his boxers and masks, lots of machines attached to his chest and fingers. He looked on in intrigue as the doctors compared stats to who knows what. Finally, the doctor with the slick back ponytail spoke up:

'There is not too much damage. Although there is a rib that regrew wrong, pressing in on Spider-Man's left lung. I'm assuming breathing is harder than earlier.'

Peter shrugged a bit: 'Honestly, it could be way worse. Trust me, as a guy who used to have asthma, I know this is literally nothing. I'll get used to it.'

The Avengers and SHIELD agents merely eyed him in annoyance. Finally, the male doctor spoke up:

'So, we'll have to rebreak it.'

'And undo all the healing process?!' Peter protested.

'See it as a redo, a correct redo. It seems like either you just let it heal on your own, or you treated it like you were a normal human being.' Peter sighed at that: his ribs had in fact been treated like he was a normal human by Bruce. The doctor smiled at that, knowing he was right:

'Which is why it healed so close to your lung. But don't worry: that's the only physical ailment you have.' Peter smiled:

'Oh, so basically I just have to sit around for a bit with a rib that I have to break myself, on purpose?' he clarrified. Ponytail-doctor shook her head:

'Nope, we will be doing the breaking.'

'Oh well, that makes this is all so much better.' Spider-Man grumbled, earning a snicker from Tony. Another two photos were added by Scott to two different albums.

Steve smiled apologetically as he sat down on a closeby chair: 'Okay, so this might just be me, but maybe we should wait with the rebreaking until after the meeting, so he can actually pay attention. Otherwise he'd be distracted with the pain.' Peter laughed in answer:

'Nah man, don't worry. Not the first time I had to rebreak something. I'm really used to broken bones: I can pay attention through the pain.' Steve paled slightly. He was saved however, by Bucky:

'Yeah, but that's our thing, of us superspies, walking off injuries and feeling fine. We are a very select group and you can't join just yet.' 

Peter grinned and shrugged in return: 'Fine, let's just get this meeting over with: I tend to dislike mandatory meetings. Weirdly enough, I am in them way more than an average human being.'

'Ooh, I wonder why,' Came Tony's sarcastic reply, 'Maybe because you are more than just an average human being.'

Peter shrugged, smiling goofily: 'Yeah, I'm secretely an alien.'

'Wait what?' Steve questioned. Peter smiled creepily. Fury sighed in annoyance as Hill calmly explained sarcasm and humour to Steve.

Meanwhile Peter calmed his racing heart.

He could do this. Just one simple big lie.

He could do this.

Chapter Text

In the end, lying about what happened was fairly easy. Peter found this rather questionable of himself.

Fury immediately went to business the second they entered the meeting room: 'So, Spider-Man, what happened.'

'Life.' Peter responded with a smirk, quickly gathering his thoughts. Steve frowned as Hill leant over and explained to him that that was something that was nowadays. Prompted by a stern look from Nat though, Peter spoke up:

'Well, you remember I was texting you like a week ago?' he questioned more than asked, seemingly double-checking his dates. Yes, he had done research, and for his story to be believable, it had to be as truthful as possible, and he had to lose track of time.

'Well, I was on a patrol, you know, actually, I should go back further in time to actually explain why I texted.' Peter backtracked, just like he had seen maybe people do in confessions: they never really had everything in order in their minds.

'So, it goes back 2 hours before I texted. You know, I was just hanging. No wait, back another 5 days? Yeah, that's more accurate.' Peter decided. Hill sighed, backspacing on the notes she had been making:

'So, it all started 13 days ago?' she questioned. Peter nodded:

'Well, yeah, the feeling started then.'

'Ooooh, someone is in love!' Scott jeered. Peter laughed forcefully. Nat threw Scott a glare. Peter continued:

'I have this sixth sense for danger you know. It's usually just buzzing for random stuff, like: watch out, this idiot is about to throw a book in your face because he is frustrated kinda way. Anyway, about 5 days before when I texted you, it went into overdrive. It was screaming at me constantly, but there was never anything there. Y'know, drove me crazy, I just assumed it was me not being able to control the sixth sense as well as I thought. Well, that was until I started noticing,... some stuff.'

He hesitated slightly, for dramatic purposes, Tony scooted closer to him and gave him an encouraging smile.

'Well, it felt like there was always someone watching me. Like there was a constant presence. Wherever I went I felt it, as long as I was Spider-Man that is, so they never really figured out my civvy identity. Which is pretty good I guess.' Peter shrugged as Hill furiously wrote down a report and Coulson wrote the transcript.

'Well, 2 hours before I was texting you guys, the "stalkers" as I'll call them for a lack of better word, showed up. I was sitting, minding my own business. Well, actually hanging upside down from a light pole eating a churro that this old lady had given me after I helped her get her cat down from a tree. Fun fact: about 12 % of the things I do is getting cats out of trees. Not a high percentage, but still pretty high.' Fury cleared his throat and Peter blushed:

'Right, sorry, the story. So, this guy with this octopus logo on his shirt showed up.'

'Hydra?' Steve questioned. Peter shrugged:

'Dunno, man. I don't really know much about Hydra, all that stuff is confidential SHIELD info. Anyway, there were 5 of those guys, and they just stood there staring at me eating my churro for 5 minutes. I thought it was weird, but y'know, it's New York, people are just different here. Who am I to judge people who stare at other people hanging upside down eating a churro? After all, eating a churro whilst hanging from a light post can also be considered weird.

Anyway, they politely waited until I had eaten the entire thing. Like, kudos to them: respect. I like that. They could have easily attacked while I was in the middle of my meal, but they waited. Like gentlemen, we need more people like that nowadays.'

Sam scoffed and shook his head: 'More people who politely wait to kidnap someone until after their meal?'

Peter pointed at him: 'Yes, Exactly. You know, compared to my other kidnapping experiences, this is a 10 out of 10.'

'Other kidnapping experiences?' Fury prompted. Peter shrugged goofily:

'I'm bad at not being kidnapped. I average 3 kidnappings each year. My average getting out time used to 2 hours, but since this little escapade, it now averages 2 days and 5 hours, which is super sad, because one time you don't get out quickly, and your averages just skyrocket. It's depressing how math works sometimes.'

'Hold up,' Steve spoke, 'You calculate how much time it takes you on average to escape a kidnapping situation?'

'Yeah?'

'Why?'

'Well, I could be all depressed about it, or I could make it into a game: see how quickly I can escape. It's way more positive than wallowing in self-pity.

Anyhoo, they attack, these 5 guys, and I'm like: huh, this is happening I guess. Well, they are good. Like impressively good. Of course, in the end, I won, but by that time I was slightly banged up y'know. Also took me 1 hour 42 minutes to beat them. And yes, before you ask Cap, I time my fights to see on which days I am most efficient. Weirdly enough it's on Monday. Can you belive that, Monday?!'

'What's your definition of pretty banged up?' Fury questioned, ignoring Peter's tendency to time his effiency and compare each day.

'Well, I don't remember. I can ask my AI named Karen though, if you would like?' Peter offered, having told Karen beforehand what to say. Fury nodded and Peter spoke to Karen:

'Hey Karen, what were my vitals on,... uhhh, what date was 13 days ago guys?'

'No need, sir, that is enough information for me.' Karen chirped and Peter smiled proudly, 'You had: 3 broken ribs, a broken right wrist, a swollen right black eye, quite some internal bleeding, a sprained left ankle and a bullet wound in your right leg.'

The Avengers blanched at that. Peter just shrugged:

'Anyway, then I texted y'all to make sure Queens would be patrolled. I was busy with that, when out of nowhere, this guy attacked me. Also, before anyone is going to ask: yes, my sixth sense had been going on, which is why I texted y'all that someone was coming etc, etc. Well, he attacked me, and I dumbly assumed he would have the same skill set as the others. Spoiler Alert: nope. Short story shorter: he was like awesomely good at fighting and stabbed me with a syringe. Not kind. It had a sort of sedative in it that kinda made me black out.'

'What kind of sedative, can we do a blood test to find out what would knock you out?' Fury asked. Scott rolled his eyes at the interruption, since he just wanted to hear the story. Peter chuckled:

'No need, ahead of you there, I too, was seriously interested to know so I could make an antidote. It's a cocktail of Chloroform, propofol, ketamine and etomidate. I can have Karen send you the specifics of the ratios later. Not the antidote though, I haven't had time for that yet since I almost immediately came here.'

Fury nodded as Nat quirked an eyebrow, though why she did, Peter didn't know. Clint also wore a similar expression as Nat, but Peter ignored it: it was probably a them-thing:

'Well, I woke up again, in,.... wait, can you guys guess?' Petr asked gleefully.

'A basement?' Came the excited voices of both Sam, Scott and Wanda, very happy to guess. 

'A basement.' Tony, Nat, Fury, Hill, Coulson, Bucky, Clint and Steve answered in a bored tone.

Peter rolled his eyes: 'No need to sound so bored, but yes, a basement. I think. I had a eyecloth, eyething, eye-coverer...' Peter trailed off, 'Eyehider, eyepatch - no, that's for one eye...'

'Blindfold.' Scott supplied. Peter smiled:

'Yeah, thanks, blindfold.'

Fury frowned, turning to Hill and whispered: 'When is his blood work coming back? I want it checked for drugs.'

Peter groaned: 'Dude, I have never, ever, in my life done drugs. My poor dead parents would roll over in their graves.'

Fury shook his head: 'First of all, don't use your super hearing to eavesdrop. Secondly, I meant the other type of drugs.' Peter shrugged:

'Well, anyway, I was blindfoled, it wasn't fun. Guess what happened next?'

'Torture?' Several people guessed. Peter shuddered dramatically:

'Wow, morbid. But no, they literally only did blood work. A lot. A bit too much. I lost a lot of blood I think. Anyway, they only ever came in to draw blood and give me bread and water.'

'Seriously?!' Nat exclaimed. Peter shrugged:

'My guess is they are vampires.' he offered, but Clint shook his head:

'My guess is they are trying to recreate your superpowers.'

'Well, RIP to them, but for that they would need a radioactive spider, not my blood.'

'A WHAT?' Tony questioned. Peter rolled his eyes:

'Was at Oscorp one time, looking around, the usual. Judging stuff, as one does when they visit Oscorp. One of their test spiders escaped its cage at some point though, it bit me.'

'What happened then????' Scott questioned, on the edge of his seat.

'I swatted the spider and killed it.' Peter answered with a shrug, 'Went home, developped a fever, went to bed, tried to sleep it off, woke up being able to stick my hands to stuff. It took me 3 days to figure out how to unstick. My hand was stuck to my alarm clock for 3 days. Can you imagine what that is like?!'

 Clint shuddered: 'Horrible.'

'How did you escape?' Fury questioned. Peter sighed:

'Well, on day,... uhh, something, day last let's call it, I don't know, I lost track of time. The guy that brought the food tripped over his shoelace, I kid you not, and fell on top of me, tugging down my blindfold. Just in time I noticed he had a knife clipped to his belt. I aggresively shoved him off of me, but secretely made sure that by pushing him, the knife scraped past the vibranium chair I was chained to, and it fell. He never noticed. I then used the knife to pick the lock. Which was hard, because, the knife was tiny, but still very big. I cut myself several times. Got it loose in the end. Then took the knife and slipped out of the base.'

'Where was the base?' Fury questioned. Peter sighed:

'Don't know exactly. I may have gotten quite lost exiting it. The base opened into the sewage system. I walked for quite some time, got lost a lot. Honestly, I had no clue where I was, until I met these sewage workers who showed me the closest exit. Ended up in Los Angeles.' Peter shuddered drammaticaly:

'Really, LOS ANGELES, of all places. Like the mothertown of crime. Anyone's worst nightmares. Then I made my way back to Queens and texted y'all.'

Fury nodded, just then an agent came in: 'Sir, the blood work came back. There are no foreign substances, but he seems to have lost a dangerous amount of blood.'

Peter turned his head, thankful for the mask that masked his emotions. He had made sure his story checked out at every end, which meant he took a surgical syringe and drew some of his blood. Like a lot. Of course out of sight from the security cameras.

Fury frowned: 'How much blood we talking?' he asked the agent. Meanwhile Steve pushed Peter further back in his chair, as if that would keep him safe or something.

'a whole liter, sir.' the agent replied. Several heads swivveled around to Peter, who grinned cheeckily, his mask morphing as he did:

'So, not that much, I drink like a liter of water at each meal.'

'That's not how it works.' Bucky groaned out. Peter shrugged. 

'Okay,' Fury decided: 'You are going to the infirmary. Your wrongly grown rib will be reset, and then we will make sure you get extra blood in your system. Also, a liter is a lot. I'm surprised you're even walking still.'

'What can I say, I am a man of many wonders.'

Fury rolled his eyes as the Avengers just stared in dumbfound shock: Spider-Man would seriously be the death of himself.

Chapter Text

1 day later, Spider-Man has already exited the infirmary.

TW: abusive aunt (not too graphic, but if this topic is triggering to you, maybe skip)

'So, Nat and Clint, might I add Bucky, what were those glances you shared about during the debrief.' Tony questioned as the Avengers sat around the dining table eating their dinner.

Nat waved him off: 'We thought we were onto something, but we weren't.'

Scott raised an eyebrow: 'What were you onto?'

Clint sighed: 'We suspected that Spider-Man, might, possibly be threatened.'

'WHAT?! he's being threatened, by whom?!' Tony shrieked. Nat rolled her eyes:

'No, we had our suspicions, but he proved them wrong moments later.'

'Wait, am I the only one who doesn't get it?' Sam questioned. Bucky sighed:

'Fine, when he was talking about the sedative, it seemed like he was trying to get Fury to back off by immediately already having an answer ready. We thought he might have rehearsed the story. So, our minds went to him being threatened into it. We thought that maybe Hydra was still breathing down his neck, or threatening someone he cared about.'

'Okayyyy,... so how did he disprove it?' Steve questions, twirling spaghetti on his fork. This time, Natasha answered:

'By actually having blood loss. If Spider-Man was being threatened, he would not have drawn the blood from himself to match his story. He would have left it at and trusted us to piece together that the story didn't match up.'

'Soooo,,.... basically, you're saying because he was suffering blood loss, he isn't being threatened.'

'Basically.' Clint answered with a shrug.

'I will never get superspies.' Scott noted matter-of-factly. Nat smiled sweetly at him:

'Don't worry, we still don't understand you.'

'Yeah, how can one person be so stupid?!' Clint exclaimed.

'And weird?!' Bucky added.

Scott maturely reacted by flinging spaghetti at the three superspies, who all dodged. Tony then ordered him to clean it. Which he did, because he definitely did not want to be kicked out of the tower.

Tony's phone pinged: it was his intern:

Best Intern Ever:

Sup, 
how r u?

Worst Boss Ever:
WHAT ARE THESE NICKNAMES

Best Intern Ever:

They're realistic
also, normal people start a conversation with a greeting

Worst Boss Ever:
fine, hello.

Best Intern Ever:

why hello my dear sir,
how has your day been.

Worst Boss Ever:

you gotta be kidding me

Best Intern Ever:

lol

Worst Boss Ever:

Btw, can u help me with something

Best Intern Ever:

At ur service capn

Worst Boss Ever:

I need you to add trackers in Spider-man's suit
as well as an emergency button
and vital checker that is connected to my AI
and an automatic call button for one of the Avengers

Best Intern Ever:

Is Spider-Man okay with this?

Worst Boss Ever:

Dunno yet, he's coming over for dinner so I'll ask him then

Best Intern Ever:

okay, tell me what he says and only then will I work on it.

Worst Boss Ever:

roger that
see ya tomorrow

Best Intern Ever:

ya, see ya.

Peter sighed as he glanced at the clock, in 30 minutes he was supposed to be at the tower as Spider-Man: man secret identities were a hassle.

For a moment he contemplated telling them, but then, they would stop him from doing what he did. They were already mad-protective over him, it would get even worse if they found out about how old he was.

He stood up, passing by the bag of trash he had been using - no he wasn't proud about it - as a blanket. He was cold okay, homelessness was not fun.

He stretched his stiff limbs, then widened his eyes as he saw an all too familiar figure pass by.

It was Aunt May. 

At the same time that he saw her, she saw him, and stepped into the alleyway.

'Well, if it isn't my useless nephew.'

'Hey, Aunt May, how are you?' Peter answered with a soft sigh.

'Better now that you are gone, did you sleep in this alley?'

'Uh,.. yeah.'

'Figures, you never would be able to earn enough money to sustain yourself. Heard you're a drop-out now as well.'

'Didn't have much of a choice.' Peter gritted out. May laughed humouously:

'And I didn't have a choice when it came to taking you in. It was about time you left.' Peter didn't respond.

Suddenly, she was in front of him, grabbing him in a choke hold by the neck, pushing him against the wall, and spoke:

'Though I am surprised to see you're still alive, I had half expected to see an article about your dead body being found somewhere in an alley.'

Peter didn't respond, since, you know, he couldn't really breathe properly. He could of course push her off. Easily. But at the same time, he couldn't. She was still his aunt, and in a weird way, deep down inside him, he still loved her.

She pressed her thumb deeper into his throat as black spots danced around his vision. As Peter was about to lose consciousness, she did him a favour by quickening the process and rammed his head into the wall. He was out the second his head hit the wall.

Chapter Text

10 hours later, at 7 AM

Webs:
Hey guys

Bucks Bunny:
Where were you?!

Webs:

bleeding out in an alley lol
kinda lost a fight
blacked out at some point as well
sry for missing dinner

Tincan:
I have no words to express how bad it is that I know you

Webs:

didn't you just express it tho?

Scary Spider:
who did you lose the fight to?
and are they in prison

Webs:

a mugger gang
Ik pathetic
I put them in jail after I just woke up

Scary Spider:

okay, but what were their names though

Webs:

stabby
stabber
JamesBond
gunny
whiplash
and ugly
at least that is what I nicknamed them
again sry for missing the dinner

Tincan:

no one cares you missed dinner
we care about your wellbeing

Webs:

right,.. emotions
thats my cue to leave

Vent Crawler:

good call

Peter groaned as he moved away from where he had been texting the Avengers. He had an hour to walk over to SI for his work.

He pulled himself to his feet carefully, fighting the urge to throw up due to his thumping headache. His neck hurt like nothing he had ever felt before, and talking hurt.

He shook his head, immediately regretting it as the bile he had been fighting down surfaced and he threw up. He could do it. He just had to get through and 8 hour work day, since it was Saturday. Then he could crash in whichever alley was the closest and sleep this off.

Maybe get Tony to get him some food while they worked. He hadn't eaten since he left shield, which was over 24 hours ago. His healing factor would not kick in unless he ate something soon. What was more, he would also develop malnutrition problems if he didn't eat soon.

*****

Peter trudged into the Avengers living room, plastering on a smile and purposefully squaring his shoulders. He waved at the Avengers, then looked around for Tony, Nat spoke up, scrutinising him slightly:

'Tony will be up soon. How are you?' she questioned.

Peter smiled, biting into an apple quickly that he had found by the side of the road, then stuck up a thumb, using the excuse of eating an apple as an excuse not to talk.

Also he was seriously hungry. Normally he wouldn't have stooped to the level of horrid this apple was: it was all blackened, but you know, not like he had a lot of choice since y'know literally no money.

And this,... this was his downfall. 

He had been so determined not to speak that he decided to eat a rotten apple. He only noticed too late that the earlier loud room had gone silent. Unbeknownst to him, Clint had crept up behind him, and pulled the apple from his hand.

'Hey!' Peter protested, his voice sounding off as Clint threw the apple in the garbage can with a disgusted look.

Second mistake: he talked.

Bucky half-ran over, pulling off the hoodie Peter had donned. Immediately, his face and neck came into view. His neck on which obviously could be seen handprints, and the back of his head where blood was mixed with his hair.

Stunned silence filled the room, until Fury, Coulson and Hill walked in:

'Ready for the debrie...' Fury started, then trailed off as he caught sight of Peter. 'Medbay, now!' he commanded.

'No, I don't...' Peter tried to deny, though all that came out were painful squeks.

'Don't talk!' Hill commanded as Nat threw him a glare. Which is how Peter found himself being guided to the medbay once again. And a very confused Tony entered the livingroom to find absolutely no one there.

Chapter Text

'There, all done.' Bruce proclaimed, stepping back and examining his handiwork. There was now a bandage around Peter's head and Bruce had put salve on the bruises.

'Now,' Bruce continued, 'Your voice box has obviously been damaged, but it will heal of itself, give or take a week. There's also the bruising, which will heal of itself as well. The head wound required 5 stitches, so not too much. Just give it time, and bedrest for at least a week, after which we will see if you're allowed to leave.'

'But,...' Peter started, then cut himself off as his throat exploded in pain.

'Ah, right, no talking either, should have mentioned that earlier.' Bruce noted cheerfully. Peter threw him a playful glare. Tony, who had caught up with everyone, now asked the question everyone was mulling over:

'Who did that to you?'

Peter quirked an eyebrow sassily, the message clear: "I can't talk." Tony rolled his eyes as Scott took another picture for the "three sons being like their father" album.

'Do you know ASL?' Clint questioned. Peter nodded. 'Great, I do to, just sign it to me and I'll translate.' Clint decided, then turned to Hill: 'You're doing the transcript right.'

'Yep.' she answered. Peter immediately signed away and Clint rolled his eyes:

'He said: that's not necessary. My answer to that is: absolutely.' Peter signed again and Clint groaned. 'Odin's beard give me strength.' 

'What did he sign?' Fury asked. Clint rolled his eyes:

'He signed: Is it though #translate that with some sass in your voice.'

'You're doing an aweful job at that.' Nat noted and Peter snorted softly. The superspy now turned serious: 'But Peter, please stop postponing, just tell us what happened. Also, I will know when you are lying, I already hacked security cameras so I saw the footage. I just want the report from you.'

Peter sighed, then signed away as Clint started to translate:

'My aunt may have strangled me. Like, okay, not might have, she did. She met me while I was hanging in an alley, y'know, just chilling. Kinda badmouthed me etc etc, no biggie, then she kinda attacked me. I blacked out, end of story.' Clint translated.

'Why didn't you fight back?' Nat questioned.

'She's my aunt, I can't go around fighting her: that's unlawful. Besides, she's the only family I got.' Clint translated. Nat smirked:

'Yeah, she's the only blood family you have, I get it, but this is abuse. Also, what were you doing in the alley?'

'Hangin'' Clint translated, then turned to Hill: 'Let it be noted that he said hanging without the last g.' Hill rolled her eyes but noted it down anyway.

'Peter, the truth, or I'll tell everyone.' Nat scolded. Peter glowered:

'Sleeping, between the trash bags, okay.' Clint translated as Peter signed. Tony groaned:

'How long have you been homeless?!' he demanded to know.

'For a bit.' Clint translated, then spoke for himself, 'That's not an adequate answer, kid.' Peter rolled his eyes again:

'2 months.' Clint translated, 'She kicked me out of the flat after getting a new boyfriend.'

Fury nodded in satisfaction: 'Great, we'll get some people on it to arrest her.' Peter glared but Fury ignored him, then turned in interest to Nat: 'Did you really have footage or were you bluffing.'

'Absolutely bluffing.' Nat answered with a smirk. Peter looked close to murder, though that seemed to fit the vibe of the room. Everyone was close to murder, but each for their own reasons.

'Okay,' Tony spoke up: 'This is how it's going to go: you are gonna stay in the medbay until Bruce clears you, and after that, you will get a room here in the tower.'

Peter quirked an eyebrow, the question obvious: why?

'Because I care for you kid, more than you realise.' Tony answered, his eyes softening. Immediately after, the look was gone and he turned to the fellow Avengers: 'So, who wants to come with me to arrest a witch.'

Steve immediately raised his hand like a school kid: 'Me, I hate bullies.' Nat scoffed at him but raised her hand as well. One after the other, each Avenger raised their hand: Clint, Bucky, Sam, Scott, and Thor.

The SHIELD agents looked on in amusement at the superheroes: they were so going to gossip about this when they got back to the helicarrier. Peter looked on in mortification, then quickly signed:

 'Don't hurt her, she's still my aunt.' Clint translated with a annoyed sigh. Nat rolled her eyes:

'Fine, no maiming.' Peter gave her a look, 'Ugh, no broken bones then.' another look, 'A few bruises.' A last look: 'Fine, no unnecessary force.' then, under her breath, she muttered: 'What on earth has my life come to?!'

Chapter Text

Peter was bored. Here he was stuck in the medbay. The Avengers were out on a mission so he had literally no one as company.

Tony and the others had already gotten his aunt arrested, with no unnecessary force. She was facing a lifetime in prison now for child abuse and strangulation, for the latter one could apparently already get 5 years in prison, so the years quickly stacked up.

And here Peter was. Bored. Per usual. Not like he had school. The Avengers knew about that too. Tony had made him do a final exam and he passed (obviously). So now he officially had a high school diploma.

And boredom. He had that too. It was his constant companion. So he did what any self-respecting Gen Z-er does when bored: he texted random strangers online. Only he knew they were the Avengers now, so yeah, they probably wouldn't respond since they were on a mission, but it was worth a shot.

Kid:

Hey, long time no chat
How have yall been?

Mr Dramatic:

wur gud
just finished a work assignment
and it went well,
so all in a good mood
safe for Metallo
something to do with someone trying to use him as a fridge
honestly its beyond me

Kid:

lmao
how is that even possible?
hey how is your friend
the menace I mean
he ever turn up

Mr Dramatic:
Yeah, he was kidnapped but escaped

Kid:

wow, really?!

Redhead:

no
MD is joking
he went on vacation without telling us

Kid:

ah,
MD you know that Captain America would not condone such behaviour?
I learned that in a PSA of his

BS:

Indeed Captain America would not
also those PSA's still exist?

Kid:

yup
darkest moment humanity has ever faced
I rue the amount of times I had to watch those

BS:

Maybe we could get them taken down

Kid:

nope, schools have it on tape

Venti:

haha, loser BS!

Chicken Wing:

wow, we are so sorry about that
not

Tiny Tim:

hey guys, rando question
has anyone heard of the other menace recently?

Kid:

yeah, he's outside my window

Redhead:

...
Say what

Kid:

jk, i dunno who he even is

Eyepatch:

yall know we are in the same meeting room right?
I can see you texting the kid
everyone put their phones away and focus
kid stop destracting them

Kid:

aye aye mr Pirate sir

Redhead:

say what

Venti:

the plot just thickened lol, who have I heard calling eyepatch that b4

Metallo:
oh my goodness, so much makes sense rn
wait, kid, you are aware of everything right
of who we are

Kid:
a good spy don't see and tell
or deduct and tell
:)

Mr Dramatic:

what is going on?

PM1:
things beyond your comprehension
let the superspies and smart people talk

Mr Dramatic:

i am smart?

Kid:

r u tho?

Mr Dramatic:

young man, I did not raise you to become like this

Kid:

lmao

Eyepatch:

okay, apart from this fun revelation
and the fact that we know Spider-Man's kidnapping story does not track
can we focus on the briefing

Mr Dramatic:
dude, TMI!

Kid:

ehh, I knew

Tiny Tim:

r u a shield employee or smth?

Eyepatch:

something like that
now, the DEBRIEFING

Static:

i am confused

Kid:

you always are tho
it no longer counts

Eyepatch:

DEBRIEFING!

Mr Dramatic:

wait, can someone explain?

kid:

id stop texting and just pay attention to nick fury
b4 he has you murdered

Mr Dramtic:

wiat what?!

Eyepatch:
look behind you

Somewhere in the sky in the helicarrier, Tony Stark let out an unmanly scream as Peter parker way down below laughed his lungs out, then immediately regretted it as his throat her.

Chapter Text

Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers.
A peck of pickled peppers Peter Piper picked.
If Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers,
Where’s the peck of pickled peppers Peter Piper picked?

Chapter Text

* New Group Chat has been created by Nick Fury*
*Nick Fury added Agent Coulson; Agent Hill; Agent Romanoff; Agent Barton; Metallo; Spider-Man*

Metallo:
Seriously, everyone has their real name except me

Spider-Man:

Wow, must be sad being you

Nick Fury:

Okay, pay attention and act serious for about 15 minutes please

Spider-Man:
You are expecting a lot from me there man,
but I'll try to be a good boi

Agent Romanoff:

Okay, Spider-Man, why did you really dissappear that one week?
we know you weren't kidnapped
bcs you texted as your civillian identity during that time
so what really happened?

Spider-Man:

honestly its kinda embaressing
my phone got stolen
the one I use for Spidey business
And it wasn't really like i could get it back yk
bcs like this dude was slightly scary
just a bit
not too much
well, I mean, I tried, but I was kinda in a hospital bed being monitored
and he hid it pretty well

Agent Coulson:

Seriously?
I was expecting a cooler story

Spider-Man:
sorry to dissappoint man

Agent Hill:
What about the blood loss?

Spider-Man:
well, don't let it be said I can't cover up my tracks well

Agent Barton:

dedication; I respect

Nick Fury:
why didn't you just say so

Spider-Man:

it was complicated okay
It would be suspicious if I told the truth

Metallo:

how so?
wait, no one text,
tony is trying to steal the phone
okay, i have escaped him and am in the vents

Agent Barton:

welcome my brother, is that you to the right

Metallo:

yep, Ill just come over to you

Nick Fury:

dont you dare break the vents again barton
also why was it complicated to tell us the truth Spider-Man

Spider-Man:

just was okay

Agent Romanoff:

Spidey, come on,
we promise we wont tell the other avengers
this will stay between the people in this groupchat

Spider-Man:

its not that I don't trust you,
its that if I tell you it would change stuff,
and I like things how they are
I like not being seen as weak and broken for once
I like being Spider-Man
and telling you why would kinda take that away from me
im not ready for that

Agent Hill:
if you told us you would be revealing your civillian identity wouldn't you?

Spider-Man:
yeah

Nick Fury:

Okay, we will respect your privacy
but now:
you said as your civillian identity you were having issues with Hydra

Spider-Man:

it was nothing
don't worry about it
ive got it covered
besides, hydra is not my biggest problem rn

Agent Barton:

what could be a bigger problem than Hydra

Metallo:

living

Spider-Man:
mood

Nick Fury:

continue acting like this and I will force you both to go to therapy

Spider-Man:

you can force him but you cant force me
I don't work for you man :)

Nick Fury:
I have never met anyone who is happy about the fact that they are unemployed

Spider-Man:

i am employed
I will have you know that I have 3 jobs man!
no wait,
nvm, I recently lost 2 of them due to abcenses caused by being spiderman
but I have one job!

Agent Romanoff:

you have succesffuly destracted us
but what was up with hydra

Spider-Man:

do you ever give up

Agent Barton:
from experience I know she only gives up after you do

Spider-Man:

fine, Hydra has just been tailing me in my civvie identity
well they used
idk if they have bene recently, I've been at my job and at home a lot

Agent Hill:
would you know why?

Spider-Man:
they are annoyed at how cool I am?
idk man.

Agent Coulson:

okay, we know that hydra kidnaps "normal" people for the following reasons. If you relate to one tell us:
- they are obviously strong
- They are above average smart
- They have a lot of money
- They know influential people

Spider-Man:

I deffo don't look strong in my civvies, I make sure of that
I do have an IQ of above 200
I am broke so that one is a no
I did text the Avengers, but that was after the Hydra problem started so prob not that one

Agent Barton:
I just love how you casually said that you have an IQ of above 200

Nick Fury:
how high is your IQ exactly?

Spider-Man:
I don't brain and tell man
its just high

Agent Romanoff:

spiderman, pls, its hard to help you if you are being this fake
we get that you want to protect your identity
but this is about your safety from the wolrds most dangerous organisation
please just tell us
we wont look at you differenlty once we know your civvie id

Spider-Man:

thats easy to say before you know it
youll judge man, i don't want that

Agent Barton:

listen man, we all did some stuff in our past we regret, whatever mess you caused as civillian you, it cant be that bad.

Metallo:

they still like me despite me murdering people

Spider-Man:

first off: that was the winter souldier, not you
and secondly: I did nothing messed up, my family life is just kinda messed up, and I may hae never done anything about it for dumb reasons.

Agent Hill:

please spiderman, we will think no less of you

Spider-Man:

consider me sighing loudly
but fine
remember you promised
I have an IQ of 250
and my name is Peter Benjamin Parker

Chapter Text

Nat stared at her phone for a second, glancing at Fury; Coulson and Hill who were in the room as well. Clint and Bucky fell from the vents simultaneously, Clint quickly getting up:

'Wow, that was one hell of a plot twist!' he exclaimed as Fury looked on in dismay at his broke air vent and Bucky tried to hide the evidence behind a couch.

Nat pursed her lips, then typed again:

Agent Romanoff:

Okay, thanks for letting us know
also, might I ask why you never did anything about your aunt.

Spider-Man:
She's going through a lot
her husband died when I might have been able to save him
and she just kinda blamed me
I mean, she has a right to, so do I,
and she got a new boyfriend, she just didn't want me around
though the part where she chocked me out was kinda unnecessarily mean i guess

Nick Fury:
I can't even start to list all of the things that you said that were incorrect in that ramble

Spider-Man:
...?

Metallo:

mood

Spider-Man:

lol

Nick Fury:

That's it, you're both going to therapy

Metallo:

seriously?!

Spider-Man:

I don't work for you lmao
you cant force me

Agent Romanoff:

I can
you're going

Spider-Man:

yes ma'am

Nick Fury:

Okay, I want you to be at the Avengers compound in half an hour
we are going to have to ensure your safety
they don't need to know ur spiderman
just that youre the kid they have been texting

Spider-Man:

*sighs loudly* fine

Agent Barton:

okay, see you there
don't get into any toruble on your way there

Spider-Man:

Man, where's the trust in my capabilites

Nick Fury:

it flew out of window together with your sense of self-worth ages ago

Spider-Man:

now youre just being rude
youre going to be one of the subjects i cover in thereapy!

Clint sighed as he put his phone down and stared into the distance: 'Did anyone see it coming that Peter was the kid and was Spider-Man?' he questioned the room. Not even Nat confirmed that she had suspected. One thing was for sure: Peter was sure good at keeping it all a secret.

Bucky sighed: 'Well, let's just get to the compound, I can't wait until we get to snitch to Tony about this.' he added with a grin.

Nat glared: 'We won't tell them till Peter gets there as well.' she ordered. Clint rolled his eyes:

'Man, you're no fun.'

Coulson sighed: 'Well, let's just hope we can finish this day of calmly with no more incidents. I have had enough of those.'

'And you jinxed it.' Hill stated matter-of-factly, 'Ten dollars says something is going to happen now.' Coulson just rolled his eyes grimly:

'For once in your life Maria, just assume things might go right, please.'

'Never.' Was the chipper response as Hill bounded up and headed over to the transport pods: 'Race you to the tower!' she yelled over her shoulder. And with that, chaos erupted, and the room was soon left in silence once more. The only evidence as to what had taken place being the obviously broken air vent. Everything seemed absolutely normal and alright in the world.

But for Peter, it was not. For his world was about to turn upside down for what seemed the 45th time that month.

A/N: anyways, this was a short breath b4 the chaos. Someone is going to kidnapped next chapter. Any guesses as to who lol? *insert innocent looking me face emoji* * insert devil smiling emoji*

Chapter Text

Peter was in his civvies, walking up the stairs in the tower. Technically he wasn't sure if he was allowed out of the medbay yet, but y'know, whatever, it was probably fine.

There was still some bruising around his neck, since, as no one knew he was Spider-Man, they had assumed he had a normal eating schedule. Yeaaaaahhh, he really didn't. He just had to swipe some food from the kitchen at some point when no one was looking. 

He wasn't sure why he was taking the stairs, maybe just to clear his head. Maybe to avoid the inevitable fallout this revelation would cause. Over text, Fury, Coulson, Hill, Nat, Bucky and Clint had been chill about him being Spider-Man, just asking about his aunt, but had they just been dialling down their reaction?

He was so lost in thought that by the time his spidersense warned him of the incoming danger it was too late. Someone pressed a cloth to his face, dosed with chloroform. Which was when Peter realised that he had in fact heard a service door open, but paid it no heed.

He sucked in a breath so he could plunge his elbow back and into his attackers gut. Which was a huge mistake. He breathed in more and more chloroform and his vision started the darken. The intended gut jab was only a half-hearted one. The attacker relentlessly held the cloth to his face.

No, please, anyone! Peter screamed internally. Then, darkness overtook him completely, and his mind was lost to the world.

short, bcs I have school and do not have a lot of time lol

Chapter Text

Nat sighed, glancing at her watch, then glancing over at Fury, who just shrugged. Tony, Scott, Thor, Steve and Sam just looked around in confusion, until finally Tony spoke up:

'So what's going on guys? You said it was an urgent meeting, yet we still haven't even started it.'

Nat looked uncomfortable, until she was saved by Maria, who gasped softly.

'What?' Fury demanded, already having a slight idea of what might have happened, 'What happened?!'

Wordlessly, Maria turned the screen, and there, in clear HD - because of course, it was Stark Tech - they saw Peter walk up the stairs. Tony groaned:

'Seriously, he was choked out and decided to take the stairs up here instead of the elevetor. I'll be right back, I'm going down there to talk some sense into the kid and preferably get him back into the medbay.' he stated, standing up from where he had been sitting casually on the couch.

'Tony, wait.' Maria just said, gesturing to the screen. Tony huffed in annoyance:

'Maria, yes, I see he's still walking, which is why I am going to go down there and talk some sense into him because,...' he trailed off, a strangled gasp escaping his lips. For on the screen, it was showing Peter getting chloroformed and dragged away. Tony sprung up, but this time, Nat stopped him:

'That was fifteen minutes ago, Tony.'

Tony cursed, then started pacing: 'Why?! What would Hydra want with him.' Clint sighed, glancing over at Fury, Coulson, Maria, Nat and Bucky:

'I think we should tell him, this has gone on for long enough.' The other superspies just nodded.

'What, tell me what?!' Tony demanded, clearly very stressed and agitated, then his eyes narrowed: 'Did you know?' he asked, his voice dangerously low, 'Did you know Peter was in danger.'

'Tony, why do you think we called this meeting.' Nat responded softly, 'Come on, sit down, Hydra is long gone by now, they can dissappear within 5 minutes and it has been 17, there is no use storming off. Let us explain.'

Tony let out a string of curses that would make his mother turn in her grave, but did as Nat said. Steve was too pale and wrecked to even tell the billionaire to watch the vulgarity.

'Okay, so, first off, Spider-Man.' Tony sighed:

'Don't tell me he got kidnapped too!'

'He did.' Clint said, earning a glare from Nat. Tony just closed his eyes in horror. 'And so did the kid in the groupchat.' Tony started breathing heavily as Nat started informing Clint in Russian that he was no help at all. Bucky decided to save the situation:

'Tony, Peter is Spider-Man.' Tony's head shot up:

'Wha,...'

'And Peter is the kid. Tony, those three teenagers giving you constant heartattacks? They're the same person. We found out today during the meeting, well, that the kid was Spider-Man. He told us himself that he was also Peter.'

Tony frowned: 'He told you? Why didn't he tell me? Does he not feel like he can trust me?'

'Tony,' Nat responded softly, 'It's not like that. He didn't want you to think less of him.'

'Why would I ever think less of him?!'

'You wouldn't, but that's what he's used to. Besides, he's a teenager. Even teenagers don't know how their minds work or how to understand themselves!' Tony shrugged, then glanced at Fury:

'I want the full story. And I want it now.'

Fury told the entire tale. Of how Peter had found a new phone and used it for Spider-Man business. Texted the wrong number, then figured out the people he had been texting were the Avengers. Of how when Spider-Man went misssing, he was in the medbay at the tower the whole time. Of how Hydra wanted bright young minds for who-know-what.

'Do they know?' Steve asked, his eyes glassy.

'What? That he's Spider-Man?' Clint questioned, to which Steve nodded, 'No, but they'll find out soon. And the second they find out, earth will become a living hell for the kid.'

'So we have to find the son of Stark soon.' Thor boomed, speaking up for the first time. 

'He's not my,... ugh, whatever.' Tony remarked, then clapped his hands together: 'Okay superspies, where do we start?'

'We read the reports.' Came Fury's response. Tony blanched:

'Is that what they're for?! Huh, never knew.' Fury just chuckled good-naturedly as Steve started reading through them at supersonic speed. They would get the kid back. Whatever it took them, they would get him back.

A/N: How evil would it be of me if I let Tony die because he saves Peter? Just a thought, not saying I will,... but like, hihi? Or I could let him seem like he dies but he doesn't? Idk, I should prob plan stories beforehand but I like going with the flow lol.

Chapter Text

Peter groaned softly as he returned to the land of the living. As someone who woke up every single morning, he could confirm that waking up was a horrible experience. As a person who had been kidnapped several times already, Peter could also confirm that waking up after being drugged was twice as bad as waking up normally.

And waking up normally was already bad enough. Imagine the agony he was in in that moment.

'So, the little genius has awoken, has he not?' a leering voice asked. Peter looked up from where he was tied to a chair. Peter formed a thin line with his mouth:

'I don't know, has he?' he responded testily, since he was not a person to use his brain cells when kidnapped. Leery face just leered - seriously, Peter had to think of another nickname for the poor pal, leery face didn't totally capture his aesthetic.

'Welcome to your home for the rest of your life.' Leery face said with another leer. Peter shrugged and looked around. he was in a square box with a vibranium door in it. Peter gave an appreciative nod:

'I mean, I've slept in dumps before, this is certainly a promotion.' he responded, 'So have I been kidnapped?' he questioned Leeroy (he was going for Leeroy now from that one book his mum had read to him of an annoying little brother to a sister. The little brother's name was Leeroy and he flushed his sister's savings down the toilet.)

Leeroy smiled: 'Obviously.'

'Ok, so what's our exit plan?' Peter questioned.

'Our what?'

'Oh great, we're both going to die in this dump.' Peter responded with a very audible groan. Leeroy frowned then huffed:

'I'M not kidnapped, YOU'RE the one who is kidnapped. I am here of my own free will!'

'Really? Walk out of the door then.'

'I can't, my boss would kill me.'

'See, we are both kidnapped.'

Leeroy growled as Peter smirked, though the smirk was quickly wiped off of his face as a fist made contact with it. Peter sucked in a deep shaky breath as he felt blood starting to flow his nose.

'Now, now, be kind to our newest asset.' A snake-like voice hissed from behind Peter. Peter wildly tried to turn to see who was there, but couldn't turn far enough to catch even a glimpse of the person behind him.

'Who are you?!' Peter demanded to know, not at all liking this turn of events. Leeroy was predictable, but the person behind him less so. For starters, he couldn't see what the man was doing, which was really freaky. And while with Leeroy his spidey sense had been warning him slightly, with the man behind him it was screaming so loudly it was starting to become painful.

'Peter Benjamin Parker, born to Mary and Richard Parker on August 10th, 2001. Mary and Richard Parker died when he was 6 years of age. Allegedly in a plane crash, though we at Hydra know better. Taken in by Ben and May Parker at age 6, Ben Parker died when Peter Parker was 14. He ran away from his abusive aunt at 15.'

Peter drew in a deep breath, then nodded: 'All true, but I kinda asked who you were? I don't have a split-personality disorder, I am fully aware of who I am.' he added in a sweet tone.

His Spidey sense flared up even more, then his head was grabbed by Leeroy, who had prowled closer during the other villain's useless monologue. The unseen villain clamped something around Peter's neck, and it clicked in place.

TW: Just saying, from now on, the story might become way darker. There will be torture etc in the next few chapters, so if you're sensitive, maybe skip through them or something.

Blinding white hot pain seared through his body and his vision blacked out for a second. Someone screamed. It was him. He was the person screaming. Then thankfully, graciously it stopped, and Peter's head slumped forward. The unseen villain spoke up again as Peter panted:

'Now, you will learn to keep that smart tongue quiet, or we will have to cut it out. You are still of much use without your ability to talk, understood Mr Parker?' he sneered out and Peter nodded.

German. This guy had a German accent. Peter catalogued this. Maybe it would be an important item for later.

'Now, my name is Baron Zemo. Don't even bother calling me Zemo or any nickname you come up with. I am Baron to you, or My Lord. Not sir either, I require more respect than that. Is that clear.'

Peter nodded.

'What's my name?'

'Baron wannabee Hitler.' Peter responded. He wasn't playing this game. Pain seared through his body again, but this time, he refused to scream. He would win. He would.

'What is my name?!'

'Germanic Baron Z-monster.' This time the pain lasted far longer. Where before it had been 5 seconds at most, it was at least 10 seconds now. When it finally ended Peter gasped. Opening his eyes painfully. In front of him stood the Baron, his face smiling down sweetly at Peter:

'Oh, Mr Parker, so much like Stark, are you not? Now, let me tell you, you don't want to answer me incorrectly. What. Is. My. Name?' the villain asked clearly, enunciating every syllable, a playful smile on his lips. Peter squinted at him:

'Baron or My Lord.' he relented. He'd save his rebellion for another day. He didn't trust that smile.

'Good boy, is it really that hard?' Baron questioned, 'Now, here is how it's going to know. I want you to develop a drone with a gun on it. It should be able to avoid all security measures, including those of SHIELD, FBI, CIA and the Police Departement. It should be able to lock onto any target. Capische?!'

'I'm not making you a killer drone.' Peter ground out. Baron tilted his head:

'Okay, if that's how you want it to go.' He nodded to Leeroy: 'Bring him to the torture room, give him 3 hours in there, then bring him back to me.'

A/N: So Im not gonna show the torture, but you will hear the aftermath, so take care the next chap.

Chapter Text

Peter drew in another long shuddering breath of air as he was dragged out of the room and back to his cell.

He was dropped onto the floor, hitting his leg, in which someone had stabbed him at some point. 

'OUCH!' he cried out in offence: 'My leg!' then, as an afterthought he added with a puppy-dog eye look: 'My-my feelings!'

The guards ignored him: which, ouch, his feelings! Did they not care for little old him?!

Peter laid back with a groan, faintly wondering how much water was still in his lungs from waterboarding. He got to 3 cubic centimeters when he stopped trying to calculate it. Just then, Zemo blessed Peter with his presence.

'Hello, Mr Parker, we found out something interesting today.' Zemo said in lue of a greeting. Which, on a scale from 1 to 10, in Peter's opinion, was a solid 8: He added a greeting; the recipient of the greeting and an introduction to the rest of what he was about to say.

'Oooooooh, what would that be?' Peter questioned, tactifully avoiding the name of the man in question.

'We tested some blood, and found DNA in it.' Zemo said with a leering smile. Fear seeped through Peter: he had an idea of where this was going. But he put on his most sarcastic face and spoke:

'Y'know, I'm trying to think of a better word than idiot, but can't find one that isn't offensive. Come on dude, even a six year old knows you can find DNA in someone's blood. Did you not pay attention during pre-school?!'

He was rewarded with a shockwave being sent through him, courtesy of the collar. When the blinding white light and pain finally stopped, Zemo spoke:

'You're Spider-Man, you think we wouldn't find out. Stupid really, to showcase your brilliancy so much in your civilian identity. You could have acted the fool and we would have never taken you.' Peter shrugged, knowing the jig was up:

'Well, I have Spider Sense, but I never claimed to have common sense.'

'You always have a snappy comeback, don't you, Spiderling?'

'Alas, I admit it.' Peter responded with a smirk, faintly wondering if the wannabe-Hitler would notice his reference to another Scottish tragedy without him having to name the play. Although, wait, no, Hamilton was American. Oh well.

Zemo did not catch up on the cue to fanboy over a play, and continued with his super boring villain-speech:

'Now, you are an even specialer guest. We still want the drone, but now we also want to know how you got your powers. Give us those two, and we will let you walk free.'

'I'll pass, respectfully, of course.' Peter answered, trying not to gulp in fear: he knew what was coming next. Blinding white light enveloped him, lasting three whole minutes until the superhero finally blacked out from the pain.