Work Text:
The brain fog is bad today. It always is these days.
But Rose Molina is stubborn and she has things to do and not much time left to do them.
So despite the sticky fog in her brain and the weakness in her bones, the ache in her muscles and the tangled lump of fear in her stomach, she focuses on the task at hand.
The cancer is eating her body but music is her soul. She can do this.
She has to do this.
Because even now, she can see Julie losing her music. Closing herself off to it.
Music was always their thing. Their connection. And it’s this connection, now, that threatens to undo all of it. Because Julie doesn’t say anything but Rose can see it all the same. How every song they listen to, every song they try to write, is growing thorns. And she can do nothing about it.
There are whispers behind Julie’s eyes. Wisps of whispers but potent all the same. A portent of things to come.
The last time I listened to this song, Mom was dying.
The last time I played this song, Mom was still alive.
Mom will never hear this new song.
There is nothing Rose can do about that. But she won’t let Julie lose her music, too. She’s already going to lose her mother.
Rose Molina is stubborn and she’s never backed down from a fight but even she can’t win against Death.
She raged, in the beginning. When Carlos and Julie wouldn’t see or hear her.
She raged.
Because her life was not perfect but she loved it. She loved her husband. She loved her kids. She loved her stubborn, meddling sister. She loved all of it and she wasn’t ready to let go yet.
So she raged, cursing out cancer and God in the same breath.
But it changed nothing except hurting Ray and Victoria even more.
So she stopped, put a cage around her rage and accepted it all in a fake it until you make it kind of way so Ray and Victoria could focus on the kids and start to prepare them instead of breaking alongside her.
It was maybe the hardest thing she’d ever done and beyond giving life to her two perfect, beautiful children, it was maybe the biggest gift she’d ever given. Trading in her rage so Ray and Victoria could prepare for what is coming. So Julie and Carlos can prepare for losing her.
So she can prepare.
She has written all her letters and recorded the video messages so her children won’t have to forget her face and voice, even though both are shadows of what they used to be. Her smile is still her smile. Ray calls it her superpower. That and her voice but the smile will have to suffice, will have to sustain them all.
They cannot see her rage. Or cry.
But there is one thing left to do and it’s so much harder than the others. It will mean so much more, will have to do so much more than all her other messages.
It has to be the best song she’s ever written even though her brain is full of fog and her body has betrayed her.
But Rose Molina is stubborn and she might not be able to defeat Death but she will do this.
The melody sneaks through the fog first, snatches of chord progressions nestling into the folds of her brain until she’s humming almost constantly, trying to catch everything before it slips through her fingers. Gathering.
The lyrics drop raw and bloody from her own weeping heart onto the page, a message of courage written on the wings of a mother’s desperation.
It comes together slowly at first and then rushes out in one last exhilarating torrent of music. One last crescendo; the big finale of Rose Molina, composer and lyricist.
It wrings every last drop of music out of her. But Rose Moline smiles.
Because music is her soul and her superpower and her gift to Julie and her family.
Soon, they will have to wake up without her. Live without her.
But they will wake up.
They will live.
And Rose Molina’s soul, her music, will be there with them.
♪
Wake Up
Here's one thing I want you to know
You got someplace to go
Life's a test, yes, but you go toe-to-toe
You don't give up, no, you grow
And you use your pain
'Cause it makes you "you"
Though I wish I could hold you through it
I know it's not the same
You got living to do
And I just want you to do it
So get up, get out, relight that spark
You know the rest by heart
Wake up, wake up if it's all you do
Look out, look inside of you
It's not what you lost
It's what you'll gain raising your voice in the rain
Wake up your dream and make it true
Look out, look inside of you
It's not what you lost
Relight that spark, time to come out of the dark
Wake up, wake up
Better wake those demons
Just look them in the eye
No reason not to try
Life can be a mess
I won't let it cloud my mind
I'll let my fingers fly
And I use the pain 'cause it's part of me
And I'm ready to power through it
Gonna find the strength, find the melody
'Cause you showed me how to do it
Get up, get out, relight that spark
You know the rest by heart
Wake up, wake up if it's all you do
Look out, look inside of you
It's not what you lost
It's what you'll gain raising your voice in the rain
Wake up your dream and make it true
Look out, look inside of you
It's not what you lost
Relight that spark, time to come out of the dark
Wake up, wake up
So wake that spirit, spirit
I wanna hear it, hear it
No need to fear it, you're not alone
You're gonna find your way, oh
Wake up, wake up if it's all you do
Look out, look inside of you
It's not what you lost
It's what you'll gain raising your voice in the rain
Wake up your dream and make it true
Look out, look inside of you
When you feel lost
Relight that spark, time to come out of the dark
Wake up
Mm-mm, wake up