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“Five races! How the fuck has he got the fucking championship on FIVE RACES?!” James bit his tongue to stop himself from trying to comfort the older man with ‘La Patron’ and make things ten times worse.
“Alex, listen, he's a fucking Ferrari we aren’t any match to that.” James turned to slam his hand against the body of the 308 fondly as Alexander continued to pace the length of their garage. The sound of Ferrari's excitement still continued to linger past the closed doors.
James had been watching from the sidelines as Niki had pulled himself onto the podium and cheered for himself, the man looked ecstatic. Not like he had for the entire season, not like every other race and every other time he had caught eyes with Niki and he had looked broken. Eyes a little more cracked, hands a little shakier than last year. James had whooped and jumped up and down, grinning from ear to ear as he watched Niki collect the trophy, reef slung around his neck as the puffy Ferrari jacket was wrapped around his torso. His smile only seemed a little fake, only a little pained, only a little bit like he was hiding something.
Fourth wasn’t bad, fourth didn’t hurt James that bad. To see Niki happy was almost like first place. A woman James didn’t recognise jumped up onto the podium and swiftly pulled Niki’s face close to hers as she placed a kiss bang in the middle of his mouth in front of the entire cheering crowd.
James turned sharply away and left striding to the garage where Hesketh was waiting with a scowl on his face and a hot desire for vengeance burning in the depths of his chest.
James wanted to leave and be with Niki, he knew where Niki would go. He knew the woman was there to put on a show, that she wasn’t a reality for Niki and he knew both of them must have been thinking the same thing as she grabbed him for that kiss. It was obvious from her succinct actions and the fact that she was even able to get on the podium, maybe she loved him but God, he didn’t love her.
“Alexander, please.” Bubbles pleaded from where he was leaning by the tall doors.
The man turned on his heel sharply, “You. We could have won if it wasn’t for you.” Alexander pointing his finger accusatively at him.
Bubbles scoffed at the petty accusation and moved his gaze away from a man looking for a scapegoat to take the blame off himself and couldn't accept that maybe they would never win against Niki’s Ferrari or Jochen’s McLaren. They were just a small independent team that couldn’t go up against an institution whose name defined racing, driving even.
Bubbles rolled his eyes in James’ direction as Alexander continued to look at him without making new accusations then turned to face the door, “I’m going to go get drunk now. Continue acting like a spoilt child if you want, La Patron.” James pivoted away and heard the sound of the swinging door slam as Bubbles and the remaining engineers left for the party that was going on outdoors.
Eyes landed on James, the two men were on two entirely different spectrums of emotion in that moment glanced at each other. Hesketh's eyes had turned dark.
“Oh Superstar, the things I’ve done for you this year.” The elder of the two began to stalk toward James like he was one of the pheasants they spent Sunday afternoons shooting, “All the while you’ve been ignoring my advances." at this moment Hesketh was so close James could feel his hot breath nearing his face "You. Owe. Me. Superstar." With each word he pressed a poignant jab into the racer's chest, "You owe me a year's worth of payback.” James took a shaky step back, his calf smacking into the still hot wheel of the vehicle causing him to leap away from the car's bodywork, moving away from the hungry man until he’d backed himself further into a corner. James could fight his way out of this, he was big and burly and no one would bat an eyelash if he looked like he’d just come out of a fight, it was almost something they would expect from Hunt the Shunt.
Hesketh took a final step towards him and James felt the room get colder, the light getting darker as though the earth had been plunged into darkness to hide Alexander's actions from the outside world. A lump formed in his throat and felt thick as he tried to swallow his fear. His fevered hands flew for James’ jumpsuit, pulling down the zip with haste. James stood there, not moving an inch. He thought of Niki as Hesketh took his chin between his thumb and finger and forced him to look into his eyes but the association formed in his mind between the monster before him and Niki made him sick. Desperate hands clawed at the shoulders of his jumpsuit, ripping the arms down, then he slowed down as he reached his waist, taking his time as he peeled it down his legs and reached back to greedily pull down his underwear. Balmy palms reached to cup an area that was apparently so universally used no one would believe James didn’t want it.
His arms remained stoic by his sides and he didn’t realise he was sniffing away tears until Hesketh aggressively ordered for him to ‘Shut up and be good for once’ before continuing with his probing actions. James needed to move, he could feel his body screaming at him to resist as he felt a delicate part of his anatomy being spat on.
His eyes closed as a near hysterical whimper escaped his now parted lips until a hard smack knocked him across the face and sent him off balance but Hesketh caught him round the waist to hold him steady before he could continue his path of destruction.
His mind switched off then, blank waves of nothing fell over him as his eyes stared at the walls of the garage.
He seemed to refuse to accept what was happening to him until the second the ordeal was over and the man left and forced his clothing into James' shaking hands.
His jumpsuit was covered in dust as he held it to him and fell back until his back hit the wall, he pulled knees tight into his chest, he was quite sure that he was indecent in the moment but he couldn’t bring himself to be that bothered by it. It was far too late by now for anyone to still be hanging around the track, no one would be looking for him anyway. He could imagine Hesketh joining the party a little disgruntled, explaining James’ absence with the shake of a hand and a quick ‘you know James’ that would be just instantly accepted by anyone Hesketh encountered.
James' eyes didn’t open and he was so lost in his own mind that he didn’t hear as the swing door was messily pushed open and a small figure made it's way through, all giggles and joy as he called out for ‘My little Superstar!’ The connotations of the nickname made James flinch and he would have presumed it was Hesketh back for more- not that it felt like he could take anything more from James- had it not been for the adorable stumbling accent and the tiny lisp that developed when he was 5 drinks deep.
“James! Jamesy!” The taller of the two tried to fall back deeper into the shadows to avoid being seen and therefore to hide his new secret from being discovered by the man he felt he had betrayed. Sadly, his spine could be pushed no further into the wall and the pressure of his attempt forced out a sharper noise than expected and the short man turned impulsively, in spite of his drunken state, to face his direction.
“There you are, baby.” Niki couldn’t see him, just hear his unintentional cry.
Footsteps progressed forward until they came upon where he was hiding, a rapid inhale caught in Niki's throat as he gasped in a shock that echoed throughout the garage. Niki no longer felt inebriated as his head snapped down to James' balled up from on the ground while James stared at the toes of his shoes without any sort of acknowledgement that Niki was there with him.
Knees dropped to his side and as James finally allowed his gaze to be caught by the younger man's, Niki's eyes looked bolder, not wild and ready as they usually did when Niki was intoxicated. They looked like they did when Niki was preparing for a race. Steely and focused.
A small hand crept towards him and swept through his blonde hair, softly wet with the humidity of the night and the sweat produced from the strain of keeping his mouth shut.
“My baby?” Vodka shots still holding a heavy presence in his wording but not his tone, making him softer, “What happened?” James still refused to speak, lips curling in as a sign of his silence as he hung his head and closed his eyes to hide the feeling of Niki’s stare on his skin.
Niki gingerly lowered himself, letting his body fall into much the same position James was in and lightly pushing him forward so he could curl an arm around the man and pull him close, rubbing a hand up and down his back in an attempt to calm him as tears continued to spill down his hot cheeks and his chest rose and fell in a jagged movement as his sobs stayed unheard.
“Stay calm, we’ll go when you’re ready.” One small palm continued to rub up and down his spine, the other moving to readjust and dust-down the jumpsuit so James could regain some dignity once he was able to slowly stand up, together they made their way out of the garage and through the pit lane, toward the carpark where Niki’s expensive Alfa Romeo was parked. James was aided with considerate care into the back seats, falling sideways again and returning to a horizontal form of his earlier position as Niki slipped precisely into the driver's seat, he gave a concerned glance in the mirror at James that went unnoticed and pulled the car into Drive, taking them both back to Niki’s hotel.
--
James was unclear in the morning how he got there, in Niki’s bed with the small man wrapped around his side, head on his chest, the scene was almost identical to many a morning only a year ago, as the light fell into the room, like an impolite and uninvited visitor, as a result of the curtains being left carelessly open. He could just about see the body of water outside the window glistening in the morning sun. The way the sunlight streamed on Niki’s skin and hair caused it to glow made him feel safe like he was in the company of an angel. Niki didn’t stir as James pulled him close again, falling back asleep to the feeling of safety and assurance wrapped around his chest.
Niki stayed still, pretending he didn’t hear ‘Ich liebe dich’ being pressed into the space between his shoulders and neck. It was less messy than the last time, as though he had been practising for the next chance to free the words from his mouth.
--
Hesketh's broken kneecaps were a marvel to many. A majority speculated that the man didn't take part in enough physical activity to find himself in such a situation where he had the capacity to simultaneously break both incredibly precious pieces of his body, but somehow he managed it. ‘Somehow’ might have involved a very angry Niki. ‘Somehow’ might have involved Niki’s expensive golf clubs. ‘Somehow’ might have caused James to not startle himself awake with bruising nightmares for a while. Somehow, Niki thought a possible criminal record was worth it.